batbitch3s

[batbitch3s]

bruce does not take well to being benched 😔

insp. by talking with @frownyalfred about hypothetical a sky of honey scenarios <3

[batbitch3s]

the GCPD is stronger than me, cause if a big tall man with pretty eyes and glass sharp jaw walked up to me, I’d simply suck his dick on the spot

[batbitch3s]

Top things to do in Gotham:

Leave

[batbitch3s]

Jason: I don’t give a fuck what bruce does fr

Also Jason:

[batbitch3s]

Ever think about how Martha is usually depicted wearing a long black coat during the night of her death, how she is also depicted protecting Bruce from the bullet that killed her

Now imagine, she's facing him(her baby), her back towards danger, her long black coat spread out to cover the gunman's view of him, doing everything she can to save him and succeeding (and really, what else was she meant to do, she's a Mother)

...

Ever think about that's the last act of love Bruce ever saw from his mother

Ever think about that Bruce does the exact same thing

His back towards danger, his long black cape covering his babies, doing everything he can to protect them at the cost of his life (and really, what else is he meant to do, he's a Father)

(I really should be sleeping but nothing stops the batman brain rot ((not even sure any of this makes sense,,,)))

I…..need to go sit down.

[batbitch3s]

“Bruce Wayne’s superpower is money” Bruce Wayne’s superpower is the ability to actively have a full-fledged panic attack and still look Superman himself dead in the eye without any of his vitals changing. Heart rate is a solid 60 BPM. You can’t even see him breathing. Put some respect on my man’s name.

[batbitch3s]

Dick Grayson's unmatched success as a child vigilante makes a lot more sense when you remember the Court of Owls was a thing and that Dick was meant to be the next Grey Son.

There is no way that someone at Haly's Circus wasn't there keeping an eye on him while he grew up. A future weapon needs to be trained and monitored after all, and a circus, a place where weird skills are completely normal, is actually a great place to secretly train a child.

You know, just some knife tricks that translated really well into actual fighting. How to get out of restraints and pick locks while under a time limit. Death defying acrobatic stunts that coincidentally do wonders for parkouring. That sort of thing. Nothing that seems out of place for a boy growing up around circus performers to learn, but would literally any where else.

I mean, while I fully believe that most kids would want to kill the man responsible for their parents deaths, Dick was weirdly prepared to go through it. He tracked down Zucco with way more ease than any normal child should have too. He became the first child vigilante, for goodness sake. The first Robin! He only started getting formal training after he basically forced Bruce into it!

Bruce himself has no idea that this kind of competency in a child is unusual, considering he was much too blinded by the similarities between his and Dick's tragic orphanhoods.

Alfred is in a similar boat because he’s desensitized to weird children after he somehow managed to successfully raise Bruce 'The Batman' Wayne, so he doesn't clock the hyper-competency as abnormal either.

By the time the other batkids start popping up (Jason 'The Audacity' Todd, borderline-street rat with no fear) (Tim 'the greatest stalker in Gotham history' Drake, child genius, also bullied his way into becoming Robin) (Barbara 'raised by the only uncorrupt cop in gotham' Gordon) (Stephanie 'daddy issues and spite' Brown) (Duke 'Pretends he's the normal one and people believe him' Thomas) it's too late.

It would also explain how Dick got along so well with Damian out of all of them. Similar childhood with different approaches and all that. On some subconscious level, Dick recognises and resonates with the murderous ten year old assassin with strong familial ties to a secret elite assassin organization.

It isn't until after the whole Court of Owls and Grey Son reveal that suddenly Dick realises a whole lot of things about his childhood that suddenly make a lot more sense.

[batbitch3s]

Random thug sweating bullets having to guard a kidnapped robin: are you okay? Are the ropes too tight? Do you want a juice box mr. Robin? PleasetellyoudadIdidnthurtyouokay?

Robin: You'll never get away with this! ...Is it grape juice?

Robin: if we stop for a slushy on the way to the drop point, I’ll tell Batman you were nice.

Thug #1: cmon, a slushy? we got apple juice and grape juice, what the fuck do you need all that extra sugar for?

Robin: 😑

Thug #2: Jesus, Larry, read the fucking room. What kinda slushy you want, kid?

[batbitch3s]

a nosy socialite at an event, leaning down: “Oh Richard, it must be so hard for you in that house, what with Bruce’s…proclivities for nighttime guests.”

Dick Grayson, fully aware at age 13 that Bruce Wayne is a Loser™ whose only “nighttime guest” is Clark Kent, who comes over to “review cases” with Bruce before/after patrol while both of them awkwardly ignore any and all tension between them: “Something like that.”

[batbitch3s]

[batbitch3s]

This is definitively a contender for my favorite Alfred threat of all time.

(Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight 211)

[batbitch3s]

reading comics really gives you an understanding of how many panels floating around have Very Different meanings in context

[batbitch3s]

(TW: blood description) About love headbutts. I love that mental image of Jason just violently headbutting Bruce in the face, then immediately following up with the softest forehead press. Bruce barely reacted to his nose breaking, didn't flinch or cry out, just watched his son intently to see what he'd do. Then Bruce just melts with happiness to receive the forehead touch. This sleepless bloody-knuckled massive teenager armed to the teeth in knives, softly pressing foreheads with the world's happiest dad who is smiling in pure contentment 😌 while blood pours from his ruined million-dollar nose job and the busted scab on Jason's eyebrow and ruins their nice clothes and makes them look like a horror movie. They radiate a love so intense you can feel a physical warmth like those hot rotisserie chicken displays at a grocery store.

You nailed the imagery I was imagining, anon. Bruce probably didn’t even feel his nose breaking, considering how many reconstructive rhinoplasties he’s had. And Jason didn’t count on Bruce not pulling away — he expected Bruce to rear back, to swear, to meet violence with violence.

Not Bruce gently letting their foreheads press together, sharing air and time for a moment. Blood pouring down his face, hot and insistent, but he doesn’t seem to care. It’s just blood. Just clothes. But this is Jason.

[batbitch3s]

conner kent has INCREDIBLE self control, cause if i came back from being dead to find out Tim Drake tried to clone me 99 times because he missed me so much, i’d immediately make him my bride

[batbitch3s]

Damian: If a villain got to you, I'd hunt them down to the ends of the earth so they could face justice.

Jason: If you asked, I would kill every person in this room without a second thought.

Bruce and Dick:

Tim, thouroughly disturbed and a little scared: ...you guys know normal siblings don't say these things to each other right?

[batbitch3s]

imagine dick just walking out of the batcave with that ginormous penny

[batbitch3s]

Dick is only funny on his Nightwing account