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Date: Wed, Nov 14, 2012 at 3:33 PM

Subject: Fear and Loathing in the Desert near Las Vegas

To: Sharon Palmer, B Palmer

I write this screed at at furious pace in order to capture what really happened. I leave it to the reader to make their own conclusions about the why's, and what could have beens, but suffice it to say that I'm writing this from the confines of my hotel after the fact.

What you are about to read is completely true...

Monday 11-November

As I streaked back through the desert on US 93 southbound, the speedometer was reading 105 mph, the sun was shining, a chill was in the air, music was playing,

"I was born in a cross-fire hurricane

And I howled at my ma in the driving rain,

But it's all right now, in fact, it's a gas!"

and my mind was reeling over what I'd just encountered. The blur of activities were starting to come into focus as I began to reflect. In order to adequately explain, I'll need to go back 24 hours...

On Sunday evening, I had been at my hotel for several hours having settled into my room, unpacked, ironed my shirts, and secured all the necessary supplies to make my stay comfortable. I popped out a beer, and began to wonder what to do with any free time I'd have this week in Vegas. Of course there was gambling, and the potential for good eats, but I wanted more. So I searched the net for obscure things in and around Las Vegas, coming up with a few options: there were legal brothels in Nevada, No need to go that route! Another thing I remembered on the way in I saw a sign for Nellis Airforce base, perhaps a visit there, but no not really interesting enough. Then I remembered that Groom lake test area was somewhere near here, so I began to scour the net for reports. One thing led to another and I found a website that talked about how much intrigue was surrounding the place. I had remembered seeing lots of History channel stories about the place, perhaps. Another idea revolved around trying to see a show, e.g. Penn & Teller appeared on a sign outside of my room, uh, maybe, but probably difficult and expensive to get tickets. On and on the ideas came and went, till I just said forget about it, time to go to sleep.

Monday morning, 6:00am: woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed ready for the day. I checked my messages and learned about a change in plans. I wouldn't be able to see my contact until later in the afternoon, due to travel delays. As I got washed up I began to think about what to do again. I had a wild thought, take a drive out into the desert and look for adventure. I went back to the map that I'd been looking at the night before and decided to quickly grab breakfast, obtain some supplies and head north.

So off I went. Taking I-15 North out of Vegas looking for adventure. Went 25 miles or so, and then turned at exit 64 for US-93 N/Great Basin Hwy. heading straight out into the desert. Las Vegas sits in a small plateau between several mountain ranges that flank the west and east. As I headed out into the desert the mountains got further away and then closer as I snaked my way north. There were periods of seeing vast areas of small cactus like plants scattered about and essentially nothing else. The road went for straight stretches over 10 miles at time, many minutes without seeing another vehicle in either direction. The mountains had lots of pretty colors, ranging from pink hews to gunmetal gray. About an hour and a half into my ride I came across a sign I'd never seen. It was a typical picture of a deer in a leaping position with the caption, 'Caution: Major deer crossing'. Huh, I thought out here in the middle of nowhere there was an important crossing for deer? Well what do you know, I continued for several miles when I saw emergency lights up ahead. As I approached it must have been some sort of accident, because it was a sheriffs SUV riding down the middle of the road, although very slowly. I could discern that traffic on the oncoming side were stopped, and as I approached the sheriff, he waved for me to slow down even more. Then I saw what surprised me. There was a sort of cattle drive happening along the side of the road being herded by cowboys on ATVs. Well over 100 cows trotting along the shoulder of the road, occasionally wondering into the highway. I rolled down my window grabbed a picture and yelled "yee haw" to show that I had begun to acclimated to the area! Now I was in the old west. Further down the road came to a small out cropping of buildings and a sign that announced I was entering Alamo, Nevada, pop. 1280 humans and about 10,000 domestic grass eaters. I saw the only gas station so far, so I topped off the tank at the local Sinclair filling station (the one with the dinosaur insignia). I can't remember the last time I saw a Sinclair Dino.

Leaving Alamo, I continued north for a ways further until I turned left at NV-318 N/NV-375 N/State Hwy 375 (aka Extraterrestrial Highway). This was starting to get interesting. I drove up to the sign I'd seen in those Area 51 documentaries that always showed the 'Extraterrestrial Highway', and got a pic. Driving a few miles further I saw a strange site, a 20 foot tall metallic alien statue standing near a Quonset hut building that had a sign 'Alien Gift shop'. Unfortunately, the building was closed on Mondays. At this point I pulled into the parking lot and pulled up my map. I was actually getting close to the alleged place where Area 51 was. Apparently, it's near a town called Rachel Nevada, that I had learned about the night before. On one website it gave directions from Hwy 375 to go to the gate. I figured I'd get a picture of me standing in front of the gate, and prove to my children that there really was a place called Area 51.

Well, I'm a fairly good map reader, having been a boy scout many years ago, but I couldn't reconcile the directions from the website with the map. It said look for this landmark and go down this road after mile marker 11. I was passing mile marker 45 and I thought I must be lost. I had really wanted to get that picture. I read that the guards (known in lore as Camaflouge dudes, or Camo dudes) were cool about it as long as you didn't photograph them. Back to the map. I found Area 51 on the map, and couldn't see how the directions would lead me anywhere close to it. On the map I saw roads all over the base and traced one round and round, up to point where I was actually quite close. I zoomed in and thought I could make out where there was a little building, that must be the guard shack and gate, but it clearly wasn't where the directions on the Internet said to go. It seemed to be at a junction of paved and no paved roads. What the hell, I'll just ask my iPad to guide me to the place! I dropped a pin at the site I thought there would be the guard shack and Siri calculated that I could be there in 20miles. Off I went, now out of the desert and into a winding mountain road, further and further I travelled. I finally got to a point where Siri said "take a slight left turn onto Groom lake road. I stopped at the top of the hill and looked around, and sure enough I saw a very long straight gravel unpaved road heading across a very large valley. Siri said destination 14 miles? Down a gravel road that went on as far as I could see and disappeared into another set of mountains. Go for it! Turned left and started down this road, as I went I saw strange looking 5 foot tall cactus dispersed all over the place. Further down the road I came up to a bunch of cows wondering around. I had seen a sign about free range cattle earlier, and apparently here they were. After traveling down the road at 50 mph and kicking up one heck of a dust cloud I finally saw a speed limit sign posted, 45 mph. Ok, so this couldn't be some secret access road if there were speed limits posted. On and on I went until I started to leave the valley plateau and it started up a hill into a bluff, 35 mph, then 25 mph. My heart started to beat faster, and faster. Could this actually turn out to be true? Ok, so I finally came to two posted signs on either side of the road:

Sign 1: right hand side of road

Nellis Bombing and Gunnery range.

Warning- U.S. Air Force Installation

It is unlawful to enter this area without permission of the Installation Commander

All personnel are subject to search

Sign 2: left hand side of road

Warning- U.S. Air Force Installation

It is unlawful to enter this area without permission of the Installation Commander

No trespassing

Photography of this area is prohibited

I immediately, you guessed it took out my camera and got a picture of each sign. Although I was disappointed, where was that guard shack? Could I go further? No sign said "keep out" yet, just warnings of what was surely to be a do not cross point further ahead.

The road continued around a bend that I couldn't see around. I couldn't adequately turn around where I was, and I thought, ya know at my work we have signs posted just like this and people just go up to the gate where they can turn around. They plan for this stuff. Should I go further or risk getting stuck in the ruts along side the road? How would that look? If somebody came out of this place to find me in a ditch? Not cool. So I decided to creep further down the road, past the two signs. I crawled along until I caught a glimpse of a small white single story building about a quarter of a mile away, I saw a gate and a vehicle parked outside. I was thinking if I shouldn't just snap pic and get out of there when I saw two guys come out of the building and get into the truck. Oh shit! Better get the hell outta Dodge, so I quickly, like James Bond quick, did a five point turn and started to leave, the truck was coming closer. I couldn't make it past the signs in time. Flee or stay? I was in a piece of crap Toyota Corolla rental car, my prospects of out running them were slim to none. Besides I had read on the net that the guards had some sort of EMP (electromagnetic pulse) device that could be used to stop vehicles. Then the truck turned on some lights, I slowed they pulled up side next to me and waved me to the side of the road. I was caught. Shit! Screwed beyond scared. &$@$$!

The Encounter

The Camo dudes (CD) quickly jumped out of their souped up Ford SUV pickup truck, and as I was rolling down the window, they told me to get out of the vehicle, and proceed to the back of the car. I was asked for identification. I thought, hey if I show them my fancy DoD ID they'd know I was one of them.

CD 1: looked like a cross between Jackie Gleason and Forest Tucker, only with a large gut and a full head of thick slicked back gray and black hair. Dressed in camaflouge and with a parachute like harness that had a lot of stuff hanging off his belt. A pistol, likely a Glock or MP9, radio, a silver thing that looked like a cattle prod, and lots of accessories. I quickly noticed that he had no rank or affiliation patches. Interesting. I had read that the 'Camo dudes' as they were called on the Internet were actually contractors, not military persons.

CD 2: same dress, although he was bald, and darker skin. He wore sun glasses, the other guy didn't.

So the first guy's words to me were: "do you know how to read English?"

-What?

The signs, didn't you see the no trespassing signs?

- uh, no sir, I mean yes I can read English, and I read the sign warning me that I was about to be, but I thought I couldn't safely turn around so I was going to turn around at the gate...

Uh huh. You got a drivers license?

- yes here it is.( I also passed my fancy DoD Common Access Card, allowing me free entry to any US military base. Heck it even states on the card that I come under the Geneva convention not that I'd hope to invoke that right in the near future).

Stand behind the car.

CD one takes the IDs and starts talking on his radio as he walks back to his truck. CD 2 takes a defensive position in front of me standing in the middle of the road. I try not make eye contact, and every time I do glance he's giving me a look. He's carefully watching me. I stand in an unthreatening stance possible, hands clasped together in front of me. It's cold out and there's a light wind. I must maintain. Show contrition, and stay focused and this nightmare will come to a happy ending. Otherwise, who knows what could happen?

CD one returns and asks me if I have any weapons?

-No.

Cameras?

-Yes.(shit).

Did I take any pictures?

-Um, yes, but only outside of the area before passing the sign.

He says I got to ask you, if you saw the no photo sign, how come you ignored the no trespassing sign?

Crap. A logic dual now is starting. So I try to re explain my (flawed) thinking about the turn around scenario. That's my story and I'm sticking to it...He's not buying it. Damn it! He walks away back on the radio...

Meanwhile another white truck pulls up and CD 3 gets out and starts talking to #1.

I stand there starting to get cold and looking off to the horizon. I'm just glad I'm dressed nice, clean shaven and being as polite as possible. #1 yells back, ' Are you here on business?" (I think about how to answer that question very carefully), I say no just site seeing.

#2 speaks : so how did you find this place?

- I looked on the Internet, and read about how people claim they come up to the guard gate, and as long as you don't photograph the guards, that it's ok. I was trying to get a photo for my daughter, she'd love that.

#2: no, that's at the gate in Rachel Nevada, not this one. Once you passed the sign we had to come out.

- sorry. I didn't know. I tell him again about the turn around scenario. Maintain a strong consistent storyline, else something bad will happen. Fear was crawling all over me.

#3 walks over to me and politely asks me to stand still, that he has to take some pictures. He proceeds to take mug shot front and side photos of me and the car.

#1 returns and asks me for my rental car papers. He says is that a Hyundai. No it's a Corolla. More radio talking.

I stand there and place my hands in my pocket out of coldness.

#2: remove your hands, we get nervous when we don't see your hands

- sorry! Quickly but slowly removing my hands with no furtive intent.

A couple of private vehicles pass by, one with an ATV and another with plastic white chairs and a grill...more time passes, I've been standing there for 20 minutes...

I ask #2 out of the blue ,"are there a lot of rattlesnakes out here? He answers, not so many now, they're all hibernating...just trying to make innocent conversation. Show him that I'm not a threat, just an innocent site seeker gone astray.

Another truck shows up. Jesus the whole damn force is out today. I wonder why they haven't frisked me or entered the car. And then it occurs to me that they haven't arrested me, they have no authority, because they're not real cops, unlike the Guards where I work.

An old man with very few teeth comes out of the latest vehicle and walks up to me, he says 'how's your day going?'

-What? Um, I've much better days and am very sorry for the inconvenience that my poor judgement has caused'

He asks me why I passed the signs. Again I hold true to my story. He shakes his head and says the turnaround is right there by the signs. Shit, I can't remember for certain or not if there was a place to turn around.

"I was drowned, I was washed up and left for dead.

I fell down to my feet and I saw they bled.

I frowned at the crumbs of a crust of bread.

Yeah, yeah, yeah

I was crowned with a spike right thru my head"

At this point I place my hands back inside of my pockets, and # 2 tells me to remove them. I apologize, again, and tell them I'm cold. He says they've called the Lincoln County sheriff out to deal with the trespass, that's what they're waiting for. And they've received guidance from their commander on what actions they'll take...

Another 15 minutes go by, and finally the sheriff arrives. He talks with the CD for five minutes and then walks up to me outreaches his hand for a handshake, and explains that he'll be taking the trespass issue. He looks slightly familiar. I can't say that I've ever met him but something is recognizing him in the back of my mind. He tells me that since I've been detained that I have right to consult an attorney etc. Miranda rights. Shit! Do I understand my rights? Yes.

Well at this point I'm beginning to get the impression that I'm completely f'd. How could this happen? It was just a matter of time till I'd be frisked and cuffed by this outback law enforcement officer. Focus. Maintain. Look relaxed. Stay alert, solve the problem at hand. Don't go to jail.

We talk about why I was there, the poor judgement I had, why he was called, etc. it is actually very pleasant dealing with him than the Camo dudes. He said that there's a Nevada law that i violated by trespassing past that stupid sign of ambiguous crossing. Apparently, the Camo dudes were going to tell me to stay away and that he'll write up a misdemeanor ticket and could be on my way. Whew!! I think I'll get out of this rather well at this point. My how this ride has taken swift turns.

At this point CD#1 returns with a document he wants me to sign, stating if I trespass onto this base again, within 2 yrs, that I could be prosecuted. No problem. I bought the ticket, took the ride, ride was over and they can tell me I can go. I overhear the sheriff say to the guards that he was late cause he was on a cattle drive when he got the call. That's why he looked familiar to me.

Although I never got the photo of the gate, as I drove away I quickly grabbed my camera and snapped a photo through my side mirror of the trucks. Aha! Didn't get the Win, but I think I Placed or at least Showed.

"Jumpin Jack Flash is a gas gas gas!"

I got in my car and drove like a banchee all they way back to Los Vegas. That's my story about how I went to Vegas, gambled, lost, but had a very interesting time.

In the final analysis, I can't really say that I did anything wrong. The signs did not indicate where trespassing would begin, and to that I'll always maintain. Was it worth it? I'd say everyone needs some excitement although I wouldn't necessarily recommend my route for most people. Hell, I've done a lot of crazy things in my life, and for the most part, I'm still free and alive to tell the tales.

"But it's all right now, in fact, it's a gas!

But it's all right, I'm jumpin jack flash,

Its a gas! gas! gas!"

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