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Jealous

Jealousy showed up with the second human being. And it’s been with us ever since.

That’s pretty much all it takes. As soon as there’s someone else around for us to be jealous of, it starts.

When we look at other people, we’re going to find something about them we like. Something we wish we had. Once we’re there, it’s a short trip to jealousy.

I was perfectly happy driving that good car I bought last year. Until you showed up in a flashy new car, one that cost a lot more.

You were perfectly happy with that good-paying job that you’ve had for the last two years. Until a friend told you about their new job, one that pays twice as much.

I don’t have to tell you all about the corrosive effects of jealousy. You and I know from experience the way that jealousy poisons relationships. We understand how it sucks the joy out of everything.

If you and I know all that, why do we keep falling for it?

In a word, perspective.

It all springs out of the default way that you and I, as human beings, look at things.

You and I look at the outside of someone. We find something about them we like. Something we wish we had. And – without really thinking about it – make the unspoken assumption that the outside tells us the truth.

Not just the truth about the outside. But the truth about what’s on the inside.

We do it all the time. All of us. No matter how petty we are. Or how good we are. Even the holiest people fall for it, like we see in today’s first reading.

It’s a perspective that serves us badly. Because it’s almost always wrong.

It’s a perspective that we were never meant to have. Because it doesn’t come from God.

God’s perspective? Is radically different. And much healthier.

“Not as man sees does God see, because men see the appearance – but the Lord looks into the heart.”

You can never know the truth about someone from the outside. You can only know the truth about someone when you get to know them. Until you know their insides. And that takes time.

Which means? Any superficial comparison between us and them (*cough* Instagram *cough*), will almost always be wrong.

The jealousy you and I feel? Will be based on something that isn’t actually true.

We will be poisoning our lives, making ourselves miserable, over something that isn’t even real.

As a therapist friend of mine likes to put it –

Never judge your inside by someone else’s outside.

Today’s Readings

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Spill

Imagine you’ve got a cup of coffee. Made just the way you like it.

And in the instant before you take that perfect first sip, I bump into you. And you spill your coffee. Everywhere.

If I asked you, why did you spill the coffee?

You’d say, “Umm, because you bumped into me.” The “you jerk” is implied.

And you would be wrong.

Wait, what? You would be wrong.

You spilled coffee, because that’s what you had in your cup.

If you’d been standing there with a cup of tea when I bumped into you, you would have spilled tea. If your cup had been full of water, you would have spilled water.

Because the only thing that can spill is what’s already in the cup. You can’t spill what’s not there.

This principle doesn’t just apply to cups of coffee or tea or water. This principle applies to you and me.

When life bumps into us – as it does many times each day. When life bumps into us, you and I are going to spill out what’s already in us. That’s the only thing that can happen.

You and I can’t spill what’s not there.

And what spills out of us? What spills out of us says a lot about us.

It reveals what’s inside us, and what we’re looking for.

Because what you are full of? That’s what you will be looking for.

That is, left to our own devices, we look for things that are like what we are already full of. Things that are familiar. Things that confirm our preferences, our biases, and - yes - our prejudices.

If you have filled yourself with fear, you will find much to fear.

If you have filled yourself with anger, you will find much to anger you.

If you have filled yourself with hatred, you will find much to hate.

And that’s just you and me on our own. Without any help from the legion of wildly successful businesses that are growing rich while making us fearful, angry, and hateful.

Let’s pause for just a moment. Is there a time that you lashed out at something political online – in fear, or anger, or hatred? Where, without a moment’s pause, without really thinking about it, you went after them. Whether it was something you said, or something you shared or reposted.

For me? The one that I’m thinking of? I’m kind of embarrassed to say it. I owe someone an apology.

But you know what’s even more telling? What I did – before I admitted to myself that I need to apologize. And to walk it back.

The moment that it came to mind, I was already trying to explain it away.

I was tired. I’d been working until midnight for three days. I was running on fumes.

So what? My excuses, my rationalizing, that doesn’t change what I did. What it was. What I need to do about it.

Or what it says about me. And what I’ve apparently been filling myself with.

Because when life bumps into us, you and I are going to spill out what’s already in us. That’s the only thing that can happen.

And if that’s what’s spilling out – fear, anger, hatred – that means that’s what I’ve been filling myself with. Something that isn’t from God. Something that doesn’t flow from my relationship with God.

And the same thing is true for all of us. No matter how we want to spin it, or explain it away. What it really says is that what we’ve filled ourselves with? It doesn’t come from God.

Let me be clear, the moment we start giving our excuses. Justifying things to ourselves. Talking about why we need to fix something. Why we must stop those people.

We are setting up something in us that isn’t from God.

We are setting up something in us that doesn’t flow from our relationship with God.

The moment we do that? Welcome to idolatry. Congratulations, you and I have managed to set up a pagan temple in our own hearts. Because we have put something between us and God.

And it won’t be long before we either start purity testing (imposing our personal dogma on the faith of others, that the only real Christians, the only real Catholics are the ones who believe just like us). Or we retain the veneer of the Faith with none of its substance.

That is, we keep up appearances. While we’re really worshiping at the altar of our fear, our hatred, our anger. On the downlow.

Which couldn’t be farther from the plan that God has for your life. Which couldn’t be farther from the salvation that was purchased for you on Calvary.

Jesus didn’t die so that you and I could be lost in fear, and hatred, and anger.

Because if we really are who we claim to be, then the only thing that should ever spill out of us when life bumps into us is the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

That is a hard ask. How do we do that?

You and I can’t just choke it back. We’re so full of all that garbage that we just can’t do that. Not for long.

No. The answer isn’t to choke it back. The answer is to replace it. One piece at time. Hour by hour. Day by day.

Okay, but how?

This isn’t a quick fix. It’s going to take time. And two other things. Be aware that you’re doing it. And be Samuel.

Every time you react unthinkingly. Every time you default to fear, to anger, to hatred. The moment you catch yourself doing it.

No matter how right you think you are. No matter how worthy the cause. No matter how much it needs to be done. No matter how much they deserve it. Stop right there.

Even if it’s after the fact. Stop right there. And with the heart of Samuel from today’s first reading, turn away from whatever it is.

Make a break with the moment. Make a break from whatever, or whoever, is winding you up. Take a breath. And turn to God. 

Say to God, “Lord, look at what I just said. Look at what I just did. I know that’s not from you. I need your help if I’m going to be yours.”

Ask God, “Lord, empty me of the crap that I would fill myself with. Fill me instead with the knowledge and love of your Holy Ghost, the servant heart of your Christ, and your peace which passes all understanding.”

Then wait on God, with heart of Samuel. A heart that says, “Speak Lord, your servant is listening.”

This is the key to the Christian life. This is the key to a living faith.

Because when life bumps into us, you and I are going to spill out what’s already in us. That’s the only thing that can happen.

Today’s Readings

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Don’t stop short

In today’s Gospel, there’s a paralyzed man who’s trying to get to Jesus. So he can be healed.

He’s already blessed. Because he’s got four friends who are carrying him to Jesus. He wasn’t going to get anywhere without their help.

But the crowd is so big, that they can’t get him anywhere near Jesus.

You know they’re real friends because of what they did next. They didn’t say to him, “There’s just too many people. I’m so sorry. Maybe next time.”

Not these guys. They don’t stop short. They keep trying. And end up doing something totally unexpected.

They go up on the roof of the house Jesus is in. Start taking off the roof tiles until they’ve got hole big enough. Then lower the man down to Jesus.

I don’t know what’s better about this. Their “I-don’t-think-so-you-are-getting-to-Jesus-now” attitude. Or seeing Jesus’ complete joy at their unstoppable determination to help their friend.

We’ve all got someone like that in our lives. Someone who’s stuck. Maybe they’re dealing with a physical problem. Or an illness. Or an addiction. Or a job loss. Maybe it’s something else.

Whatever it is, what they’re dealing with has gotten big. Big enough to come between them and Jesus. And they’re stuck.

They’re not going anywhere without help.

If you know someone who’s stuck like that, don’t just shake your head and give an excuse. “I’m so sorry. Maybe next time.”

If God has put it in your heart to help someone, do it. Don’t stop short. Keep trying. Even if it means doing something totally unexpected.

Today’s Readings

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Those people

Imagine you’re the leper in today’s Gospel.

You know the consequences of leprosy. It’s a slow, horrible death sentence. With no cure.

Because it’s so contagious, society demands that you separate yourself from everyone else. So you don’t spread it. With other lepers as your only company. It seems like an easy road to despair. Or worse.

Which means there’s a strong temptation to cover up the signs of leprosy. To ignore the danger. So you can be with other people. Friends and family. Try to have a normal life. Even though it means risking their lives.

It’s an “either/or” trap. It traps us into thinking that if we don’t do one thing, then we have to do the other.

Which makes the actions of the leper so remarkable.

The leper ignores both options of the “either/or” that he’s stuck in. And chooses a third way. The best possible third way. Going to God.

If this dynamic – of an “either/or” trap that pushes us into thinking that if we don’t do one thing, then we have to do the other – seems familiar to us? It should.

Social media provides us with some of the most obvious examples, but our lives are loaded with it.

Why? Because it’s one of the Enemy’s most over-used sucker plays.

And we fall for it. All. The Time. C.S. Lewis explains,

“The devil always sends errors into the world in pairs – pairs of opposites. And he always encourages us to spend a lot of time thinking which is the worst.

You see why, of course? He relies on your extra dislike of the one error to draw you gradually into the opposite one.

But do not let us be fooled.

We have to keep our eyes on the goal and go straight through between both errors. We have no other concern than that with either of them.”

Something to keep in mind. Whenever we’re loading up to go off on “those people.”

Today’s Readings

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The answer

Yesterday was a mess.

One thing after another after another. It was non-stop. Barely time for lunch. Didn’t get through half of it.

Which means that today? It’s going to be more of the same.

We all have days like that. Sometimes weeks. When it feels like it’s never going to let up.

How do we handle that?

How do we recharge our batteries? How do we keep ourselves in a good place mentally, so that we can respond well to everything that we’re dealing with?

How do we make sure that in the middle of that kind of busyness we don’t lose sight of God and God’s will for our lives?

How do we make sure that we don’t fall into the trap of trying handle things on our own?

The answer is in today’s Gospel.

Wait, what?

Today’s Gospel is Jesus healing people and driving out demons all day, until “after sunset.” Followed by another full day of Jesus healing people and driving out demons, but with preaching added on top.

That looks more like Jesus’ personal recipe for burnout.

It’s easy to miss. But it’s there. Tucked right between those two very busy days.

“Rising very early before dawn, he left and went off to a deserted place, where he prayed.”

How is that the answer? Adding one more thing to an already over-booked schedule?

Actually, it is the answer. If you’re going to do all of the things, then every part of you needs to be well-cared for. Or you won’t be able to do all the things.

And it starts with prayer, the most basic, most fundamental form of self-care. Because, as St. John Chrysostom explains, “Prayer is the place of refuge for every worry, a foundation for cheerfulness, a source of constant happiness, a protection against sadness.”

Imagine doing all of the things with your worries safely in the hands of God. Not what-if-ing about it but trusting in God’s guidance and timing.

Imagine doing all of the things cheerfully. Accepting them, handling them, and then letting them go. Because you know that they can never get between you and God – unless you let them.

Imagine doing all of the things happily. Trusting God. Knowing that God will work them for your good, even if you can’t see how right now.

That is what prayer gets you.

That is what’s behind the example that Jesus is giving us.

And that’s why St. Francis de Sales tells us, “Every one of us needs a half hour of prayer a day, except when we are busy – then we need an hour.”

Today’s Readings

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Ephesians 3:20 - “ I will give you more than you asked for, You have to trust me and be patient.”

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Holy Silence

Holy Silence isn’t something we’re familiar with.

If we’re honest, every day, garden variety silence isn’t something we’re familiar with.

Not because there’s never any silence. But because we’re deeply uncomfortable it.

The moment we realize that things are silent, around us? Or worse, within us?

We’re going to get rid of it, get away from it. As fast as we can.

And never think about it again. Why?

Because silence is dangerous.

Without our distractions, we start to see things as they really are. Including God. Even worse, we start to see ourselves as we really are.

In the presence of God. As we always are.

And if we don’t do something right then to stop it, to distract ourselves? C.S. Lewis tells us what happens next.

“When any man comes into the presence of God, he will find, whether he wishes it or not, that all those things which seemed to make him so different from the men of other times, or even his earlier self, have fallen off him. He is back where he always is.”

This is the part we don’t want to think about.

There’s something (usually unspoken) in us that wants to believe that the stuff in the Bible was for people in Bible times. That 2,000+ years later, we’ve moved on.

That things like the recognition of who Jesus actually is (like we see in today’s Gospel) are due to the lack of sophistication of “those” people back then. 

That we’re beyond all that. That we have more pressing matters to attend to. And don’t have to be bothered with it anymore.

“Do not let us deceive ourselves. No possible complexity which we can give to our picture of the universe can hide us from God.”

Inevitably, everything that seems so important right now, all of our “have-to’s.” The things that occupy our attention. The things that keep the silence at bay. All of it will go away.

“It may happen to us at any moment. In a twinkling of an eye, in a time too small to be measured and in any place, all that seems to divide us from God can flee away, vanish leaving us naked before Him, like the first man, the only man, as if nothing but He and I existed.”

This is the part we really don’t want to think about.

Because if we do, we would know that it has never been about the great issues and crises of our age. Or what someone else was saying or doing.

Because if we do, we would realize that it’s always been just us and God.

Because if we do, it could change our lives.

Today’s Readings

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Today's prayer:

Heavenly Father, guide my steps today and every day. Fill my heart with Your peace and my mind with Your wisdom. Help me to trust in Your perfect plan, even when I don't see the way. Give me the strength to face challenges, the courage to do what is right, and the patience to wait on Your timing. May my words and actions reflect Your love and bring glory to You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

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What was a sin one hundred years ago is still a sin today.

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“So it is in the calm, quiet life—that the greatest strength is found. The power that is blessing the world these days, comes from the purity and sweetness of gentle mother-love; from the quiet influence of example in faithful fathers; from the patience and unselfishness of devoted sisters; from the tender beauty of innocent child-life in homes; above all, from the silent cross—and the divine Spirit’s breathings of gentle stillness. The noiseless agencies are doing the most to bless the world. There is strength in quietness. If therefore we want to be strong—we must learn to be quiet. A noisy talker is always weak. Quietness in speech, is a mark of self-mastery. The tendency of the grace of Christ in the heart—is to soften and refine the whole nature. It makes the very tones of the voice more gentle. It curbs boisterousness into quietness. It represses angry feelings—and softens them into the gentleness of love. It restrains resentments, teaching us to return kindness for unkindness, gentleness for rudeness, blessing for cursing, prayer for scorn and defiance. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)”

— The Strength of Quietness by J. R. Miller

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Admitting we need help

Asking for help is hard. Because it means admitting we need help.

Needing help is complicated. Because it’s really two things going on at the same moment.

There’s the actual thing that needs fixing. And then there’s our connection to the thing that needs fixing.

It’s the second one – our connection to the thing that needs fixing – that determines whether we ever ask for help.

If the thing that needs fixing is something that we don’t have any real connection to, then asking for help is no problem.

Like asking someone to take out the trash for us. We don’t have any connection to the trash. So asking for help is effortless.

But what if I’m struggling physically? Maybe I’m recovering from an accident or an illness. And I’m worried about what asking for help taking out the trash means – both to me and to the person I’m asking.

Does it mean that I’m not getting better? I don’t want to think about that.

If I ask for help, will they think I can’t do it anymore? Will they think less of me because I need help?

That’s a very different connection to the thing that needs fixing. Loaded with fear, it makes asking for help a lot harder.

We want to avoid all of that. So we don’t ask.

Which means we don’t get the help we need.

And the thing that needs fixing? Never gets fixed.

It’s a problem that seeps into every corner of our lives.

It’s why today’s Gospel – where the man with leprosy asks Jesus to heal him – is so important. Because it gets past all of the fears, to show us how God actually responds when we ask for help.

In the first century, leprosy was a disease with a lot of social and religious baggage. Leprosy didn’t just happen.

Leprosy was a sign to others that you were unclean. You were physically, spiritually unclean –that’s why got leprosy. Leprosy was God’s judgment. On you.

But the man is desperate. It’s killing him, slowly and painfully.

So he musters up the courage and humility to ask Jesus for help. And when he does?

None of his fears come true. Jesus doesn’t reject him because he’s unclean. Jesus doesn’t go off on him, about what he must have done to get leprosy.

Jesus sees the man – not as a disease, but as His child.

Jesus receives him gently and lovingly. And quietly fixes the thing that needs fixing.

As Jesus always does. Whenever one of His children, whenever you, have the courage and humility to ask for help.

Today’s Readings

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The time in between

It’s January something. After New Year’s and before…anything.

The dead of winter. The time in between.

Christmas is gone. Everything is put away.

Even the Catholics have finally let go of it.

Somehow the church feels empty. In the time in between.

But the time in between is not barren.

The externals are gone. For a reason.

Leaving nothing and no one. Only me. And the One who calls me.

There are no more distractions. Only the path of St. John Vianney.

“I say nothing to Him, and He says nothing to me.

I look at Him, and He looks at me.”

And in the silence, the call. Then movement.

Subtle at first. Almost too small to see. But move it does.

Away from the distractions. Towards the God who made us.

Towards who God made us to be.

Towards the gifts we have been given. Towards the things only we can do.

Towards God. Towards our purpose.

In the Holy Silence of the time in between.

Today’s Readings

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Expectations

Expectations are a mess. Especially when they’re other people’s expectations for us.

In today’s Gospel, people have all kinds of expectations for John the Baptist.

Their questions give it away. Some of them have pretty amazing ideas about him. Some of them think the worst. None of them get it right.

But look at how John responds. To all of them.

No matter whether it’s people who like him – hoping he’ll meet their expectations. Or people who hate him – hoping to tear him down.

He’s saying the same thing. Over and over.

Why? Because John knows who he is in God’s eyes. And John knows what God has called him to do.

That’s why John the Baptist is such a powerful witness. His message rings true. And lives are changed.

Because John is busy. Busy being who God called him to be.

That’s why John is the perfect example for you and me as we start this New Year.

Do you want your New Year’s resolutions to really mean something? Do you want to look back from December, and be amazed at what you have done this year?

Then follow John’s lead.

Instead of worrying about anyone’s expectations – even your own.

Take the time to know, to really know, deep in your heart just who you are in God’s eyes.

(I’m not talking about what God’s fan club thinks about you – God has the worst fans. I should know, I’m one of them. I’m talking about what God thinks about you.)

You are someone who God loves. So much that if you were the only one who needed it – Christmas, and the road to Calvary that follows Christmas – still would have happened.

Just for you.

In this new year, take the time to listen, to really listen to God. To know who God has called you to be.

And then get busy. Not busy pleasing people who want you to meet their expectations. Or busy fighting people who want to tear you down.

But busy being who God is calling you to be.

Not by yourself. But with God.

If you let Him, God will be with you. Every step of the way.

Do it. I can’t wait to see what God does in your life this year!

Today’s Readings

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Expectations

Expectations are a mess. Especially when they’re other people’s expectations for us.

In today’s Gospel, people have all kinds of expectations for John the Baptist.

Their questions give it away. Some of them have pretty amazing ideas about him. Some of them think the worst. None of them get it right.

But look at how John responds. To all of them.

No matter whether it’s people who like him – hoping he’ll meet their expectations. Or people who hate him – hoping to tear him down.

He’s saying the same thing. Over and over.

Why? Because John knows who he is in God’s eyes. And John knows what God has called him to do.

That’s why John the Baptist is such a powerful witness. His message rings true. And lives are changed.

Because John is busy. Busy being who God called him to be.

That’s why John is the perfect example for you and me as we start this New Year.

Do you want your New Year’s resolutions to really mean something? Do you want to look back from December, and be amazed at what you have done this year?

Then follow John’s lead.

Instead of worrying about anyone’s expectations – even your own.

Take the time to know, to really know, deep in your heart just who you are in God’s eyes.

(I’m not talking about what God’s fan club thinks about you – God has the worst fans. I should know, I’m one of them. I’m talking about what God thinks about you.)

You are someone who God loves. So much that if you were the only one who needed it – Christmas, and the road to Calvary that follows Christmas – still would have happened.

Just for you.

In this new year, take the time to listen, to really listen to God. To know who God has called you to be.

And then get busy. Not busy pleasing people who want you to meet their expectations. Or busy fighting people who want to tear you down.

But busy being who God is calling you to be.

Not by yourself. But with God.

If you let Him, God will be with you. Every step of the way.

Do it. I can’t wait to see what God does in your life this year!

Today’s Readings

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From facebook:

"My pastor committed suicide November 26, 2024. Please pray for the soul of Fr. Dennis Conway of the Archdiocese of Dubuque"