backseatsys

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mm layers

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spent so damn long on these

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sedating % with an agreement that every time i go shopping to refresh groceries i have to get ingredients for a Meal that cannot be made in 15 minutes

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u can tell who the cishet one is without fail every time

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me: i need to ask for the restroom

🔹: ok i got this

🔹, to our waiter: hello cute boy. where is the restroom

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no we aren’t officially diagnosed. p sure our therapist believes that there is something going on w our brain re: alters/voices/whatever but i don’t plan on getting legally diagnosed. lol

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“ohhh you’re so ugly and fat nobody will ever love you, you’re so annoying” shut your bitch ass up you’re a 5ft gothic lolita fashion girl wearing a WWI gasmask based off my elementary school bully, i can pick you up and punt you

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i was 14 when i realized that my strong “kinshifts” i had were alters and there were just 4 of us i cannot imagine being 12-13 with 50+. how do you function.

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i miss just being a part of martin’s scrambled personality. because atleast that meant later he wouldn’t feel like this. now i’m just that and only that and i have to feel like this all the fucking time because that’s my JOB. and while he’s bitching at me for being upset because obviously he had a good time and i’m just letting the mood be ruined by jealousy OF COURSE I FUCKING AM. THAT’S PART OF MY JOB DESCRIPTION. I’M the bitch with the relationship trauma & romantic attachment issues & the desperate need for attention. that’s what i am. i’m onesided. whatever.

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i hate that i cant even have this conversation about this without having to explain that hey. i’m not martin. i’m an offset of Specifically Him because of a shitty relationship. and now i’m emotionally fucked & am the one carrying the feelings for martin’s best friend. great. yeah guess what i’m jealous and pissed off and feel like shit over it.

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the he/it pronouns hitting differently

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hahaha nathan calling me an “It” hahahahahahah

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“must be nice having a crush-” no i’m a grown man and i’m going to kill myself. you think i can say shit? puppeteer martin around so i get what i want? no. i don’t think he even understands how i exist.

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i SPLIT from martin because of a stupid ass little crush that spiraled out of control. this is all i have. i rarely get what i fucking want end all be all but i have a role. a reason. idiot falls in love with her best friend and shoves it onto me so she doesn’t have to acknowledge it. whatever, man.

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jokes on fucking everyone here, i am the best person to handle this, because guess what, it’s all i fucking do. ever. all i do and what i’m best at is having silly little feelings and shoving them so deep inside of me i forgot the metaphor i was going for here. just know i’m used to this. like, hah, you really think i can’t handle pushing down ANOTHER crush? you must be new here.

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nevermind i feel like the karmic punishment for doing so is heavy and they will know. christ. it’s none of my business.

is it shady to do a tarot spread to see other ppls relationships. too bad. anyway.

[backseatsys]

is it shady to do a tarot spread to see other ppls relationships. too bad. anyway.