b99caps - Tumblr blog

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This job is eating me alive. I can’t breathe any more. I’ve spent all these years trying to be the good guy. The man in the white hat, but I’m not becoming like them, I am them.

Favorite Pilots | Brooklyn Nine Nine

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We don’t need guns. I have a lighter, okay, we get some hairspray, make some flame throwers. Let’s fry these bitches.-(Brooklyn Nine Nine, Season 3)

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"I Hope It Wasn't a Mistake," title of your sex tape? [gasps] TITLE OF OUR SEX TAPE!

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I'd love to see you date someone from work. Your head would explode. YOUR HEAD WOULD EXPLODE ... because of how well I would handle it.

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Askbox is open

Let me know if you have specific scenes you wanted to see screencapped

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MY WIFE WAS MURDERED BY A MAN IN A YELLOW SWEATER! IT’S THE ONE CASE I CAN’T SOLVE. -1x10

NO. FROM NOW ON, CALL ME VELVET THUNDER! -2x22

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THOSE ISLANDERS AND THEIR PATHETIC SEESAW HAUNT MY DREAMS. THEY MOCK ME IN MY SLEEP, RIDING UP AND DOWN ON A TEETER-TOTTER OF TAUNTS.

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You hate him because he has a typo on his counterfeit bills. No. Because he passed $4 million in fraudulent bills, Jake. But also, two Rs in "pluribus?" I mean, DID NONE OF THESE CASHIERS TAKE LATIN?

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Does anyone have any formal complaints about the work environment? No, no, we usually just gossip, right?

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lounging 

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What is next? [Shudders] Small talk.

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I said it. AND I MEANT IT!

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Just curious, do you happen to know what today is? Well, based on the fact that yesterday was the birthday of legendary Dutch flautist Frans Bruggen, and a week ago it was October 24th, I would say today is- It’s Halloween. Just say it’s Halloween.

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Fievel? Papa. FIEVEL! PAPA! FIE-VEEEEL! PAA-PAAA! FIE-VEEEEEL!

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SORRY? YOU BUMBLING SON OF A BITCH! YOU JUST RUINED MY LIFE!  I HOPE YOU GET HIT BY A TRUCK AND A DOG TAKES A DUMP ON YOUR FACE!

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[Sing-song] Who cares? Who cares? Who cares?