azziebaddy

[azziebaddy]

i hate that i love you

reader x azriel | they were once best friends and almost something more, but now they are enemies with a burning, unresolved desire—they promised to never cross the line that they drew, but one night it’s all it takes to forget that promise.

warnings: suggestive language, smut & curse words.

words: 5.7k

a/n: i decided to try something different, it was my first time writing something like this, so, i hope i did well.

masterlist

hate—a feeling of intense animosity, aversion, or disgust toward something or someone.

the perfect definition to describe the relationship with the person you hate most in this world.

the male known throughout the entire territorial expanse of prythian.

the male known by many names and titles.

the male that many fear but that you have to restrain yourself from punching every time you see him.

the male that irritates you as easily as he snaps his fingers and that makes your blood boil like water in a kettle.

azriel.

the infamous shadowsinger.

the relentless spymaster of the night court.

one of the most famous illyria's bastards.

who else could it be? 

everyone who knew you, or had heard whispers of your name, knew that you and azriel were opposites of each other.

where one was, the other could not be.

and if you both happened to be together in the same space, screams, insults, and fists were to be expected. 

it was rare the moments when you two went from verbal to physical but never impossible.

the members of the inner circle—rhysand, cassian, morrigan and amren—were witnesses to such a fact.

in fact, the first three had been the witnesses to the downfall of your relationship with azriel, because yes, you weren't always enemies.

no, you had been friends—best friends—in times that were now unknown, that were now covered by a fog between reality and imagination. 

you and azriel had hated each other for so long now, that your family wasn’t really sure if there was ever a time where you two had actually got along. 

four hundred years had passed.

four hundred years of pure hatred, resentment, anger and brutal animosity.

and to this day, none of them had any idea of what had happened between you—not even a clue of what might have happened, much less a theory of what really happened.

you had been inseparable. your relationship had been the envy of many who wished the same—a loyalty, trust, respect and affection like no other.

cassian and rhysand went as far as to make bets on when the two of you would finally give in, put your stubbornness aside and assume your feelings for each other.

the three friends were absolutely certain that you were destined for each other and that there was no way you would not end up together. 

but it seems that fate had other plans.

from one day to the next, just a few hours apart, in a matter of a second, everything changed. 

the sparkle in your eyes that was reserved only for azriel faded, and the smile that azriel had unlocked from his coldness and indifference meant only for you, disappeared.

over the years, the inner circle tried to reconcile you, hoping that you could put the past where it belonged and start over.

several plans were put into action, one attempt after another, but always without success.

it came very close to the desired result on many occasions, but it simply never happened.

despite everything, all the conversations, all the attempts, the two of you were never able to forget whatever had happened.

you and him would never be the same again.

and so, the inner circle stopped trying. 

but things were different now. 

everything had changed after the fall of amarantha and the liberation of prythian from her clutches.

new people had entered your lives, new alliances had been formed, and a rebuilding of a new world had begun.

but those weren’t the only changes that had occurred.

your relationship with azriel had also changed—much to your displeasure and surprise.

after all, you were no longer just enemies bound by a past.

you were now bound for the rest of your lives by a golden thread around your hearts that extended to the heart of the other.

mates. 

funny how fate works, huh?

••• 

the living room was quiet, except for the sound of the cups of tea. 

and of course, the screams coming from upstairs—your screams and azriel’s.

rhysand sipped from his teacup, sitting next to feyre who was swirling the spoon to mix honey into her tea with cassian in front of him eating a cookie while nesta tried to read a book.

rhysand sighed and ran a hand over his face, “it’s going to be a long night.”

feyre looked between cassian and rhysand, placing her teacup on the small coffee table to take a freshly baked cookie from the platter, “what exactly happened?” 

cassian answered her, his beard slightly stained with cookie crumbs. “they’re arguing about the mission. they both had different ideas about how to act and the mission ended up failing, now they blame each other.”

“you shouldn’t have sent them together,” nesta said, closing her book and holding it in her lap. 

“i know, but i had no choice, they were the only ones qualified for this mission.” rhysand defended himself, taking another sip of his tea.

before any of them could speak again, the sound of a door closing and locking echoed throughout the house, making the contents of the cups rattle. 

a minute of silence followed, all eyes fixed on the ceiling of the living room as if waiting for something.

“it seems like it’s over,” feyre whispered, as if afraid of breaking the peace that had been offered to them.

a peace that didn’t last long, because soon after they heard loud knocks on the door, followed by the calling of your name. 

“here we go again,” cassian said, biting his cookie.

••• 

firm, loud knocks sounded on your bedroom door, followed by a voice full of frustration and anger “let me in.” 

it was an order, you could tell by his tone, which only made you even more irritated.

“fuck you,” you replied back, as you finished unpacking your backpack and putting your clothes in their proper drawers.

the mission had been a fiasco and the last thing you wanted now was to continue this argument that seemed to have no end.

your blood was already boiling hot, a little push and things would be taking a very different direction. 

he knocked harder on the door, the wood creaking with the action. if that wasn’t proof of how angry he was too, his next response was.

“open the fucking door.”

“no.”

a firm and low whisper of your name escaped between his lips as a form of warning “i will barge through this door if you don’t open it right now.” 

you scoffed at his words, rolling your eyes at him even though he couldn't see you, “i'm sorry, i don't remember asking you anything.”

you didn't need your fae hearing to hear the growl he gave, you could feel his temper rising right through the door. 

he stopped knocking and you heard him turn the doorknob in hopes of opening the door, which brought a smirk to your face.

“idiot,” you whispered, your eyes on the t-shirt you were folding.

“i heard that,” a particularly loud knock landed on the door, which only caused your smirk to widen even more.

“good, that’s a sign that your old age isn’t catching up with you.”

a second whisper of your name reached your ears and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes a second time. 

“go bother someone else,” you said, your voice a little louder than usual, a sign that your patience was starting to wear thin.

“you're my mate. you're enough for now.” 

you stopped your movements and closed your eyes.

mate.

that word.

that damned, damned, damned word. 

such a small word but that it was enough to awaken the bond.

and just like that, all of your walls were down and you and azriel were one.

there was no line where you began and he ended.

the bond was strong enough to make you feel things that took all your willpower to keep from happening. 

but there were times you just couldn't resist to act on it, and this moment, was one of those times.

you left the rest of your clothes unfolded and headed towards the door before turning the key and unlocking it.

you could only hope that you were only opening the door to your bedroom for the male and not the doors to your heart. 

as you returned to your previous position, grabbing all the unfolded clothes and discarding it on the desk chair, the door to your bedroom opened.

azriel swung the door open, stepping inside the bedroom before shutting it behind him.

he leaned against it, bringing his arms to cross over his chest. his eyes darkened at the sight of you.

you were, now, standing at the foot of your bed, in just a pair of black lacy panties and a t-shirt that was about two inches down your belly button.

his expression softened slightly, making his anger falter for a second before, “when i tell you to do something, you do it. it's not a request.”

you had to bite your tongue to keep you from snapping at him. 

you knew he was talking about the mission—again—and you, at this point, were more than fed up with that talk, so, you weren't going to continue to fuel that discussion. 

you turned to him, your eyes meeting his, “excuse me? say that again and my hand will be on your face faster than you can pronounce the word ‘mommy’.” 

azriel pushed himself off the door and walked towards you, he now wore a smirk on his face caused by your words. 

“go ahead, love. i won’t stop you,” he said, his tone dripping with that arrogant confidence of his, “even though you’re just all talk, you and i both know you don’t have the guts to lay a finger on me.”

the corners of your lips rose, and you studied him as he got closer and closer to you, his eyes sliding over your figure.

you took advantage of his brief moment of distraction to stretch your arm behind you towards the bag before grabbing your favorite object, the one that could describe you in the best way—brilliant and lethal.

one moment the male's eyes were on your legs, and then they were on the blade of the dagger that was now pressed against the skin of his neck, the cold material contrasting with his warm skin.

"are you sure about that, shadowsinger?" your smirk remained intact as you studied his reaction.

your smirk turned into a full grin, a hint of amusement in your eyes, “what’s wrong, baby? cat got your tongue?”

just like your smirk, azriel's also changed, his eyes taking on the same amusement as yours and when he took a step back, you took a step forward.

“you don’t look very threatening right now, love.” his hand found your hip, but somehow, to his surprise, you didn't push it away.

he took the chance to slide his hand under your small shirt to rest in the same place as before, but with his scarred hand now touching your soft skin.

“i’m not your ‘love’.” you said, the tip of your dagger pressing a little harder against his skin.

as a reflex, azriel lifted his chin to give you better access, his smile still in place, “you almost had me, love. but you are definitely giving me ‘bad girl on the outside but sweet girl on the inside’ sort of vibes.” 

you couldn't help but laugh, your eyes now shining with amusement at your banter “do you want to know what kind of vibes you give me?”

you continued to walk in sync, one step back and another forward until the male's back hit the wall, him resting his back against the surface at the same time his hand gave your hip a light squeeze.

“hm, do tell me, love.”

you leaned forward, just enough so that your chests were a few inches from touching and your voice lowered two tenths, your tone now low and sensual “small dick vibes.”

his smirk fell from his face, he clenched his jaw and his hand on your hip pulled you to stand closer to him while his free hand reached up slowly to wrap around your hand that was still holding the dagger against his skin “care to repeat that, love?”

you took another step towards him, your smirk never faltering for a second, “small dick vibes.”

he looked at you with a sharp gaze before his face turned into a smug expression, a grin forming on his lips as he tugged you closer to him and his voice dropping to almost a whisper, “hm, you want to find out just how big it is?”

his smile grew when this time, it was your smile that disappeared and something unknown shone in your eyes.

suddenly, your breathing become heavier and your heartbeat faster.

the mating bond playing its role in perfection at the worst of times.

“no. . . ” you managed to say after a long moment of silence in which you just stared into his hazel eyes.

azriel’s hand let go of your hand that was holding the sparkling object and reached out to touch you, pushing your hair behind your shoulder and then fitting it on your neck.

“your lips say no, but your body says a different answer.”

you snapped out of the trance you were in, all reactions due to his proximity, before pushing him against the wall and shaking his hands off you, “get off me.” 

he let you push him against the wall, placing his hands at his sides for support. a hint of irritation invaded his eyes while maintaining eye contact with you the entire time.

“are you going to use that dagger then, love? or are you just going to use your pretty little hands instead?”

when you didn’t respond back, his grin grew and he tilted his head down so his eyes were level with yours, and he spoke softly, in a tone of arrogance and sensuality, “or maybe you just want to use your pretty little mouth.”

the room was invaded by a loud noise as the palm of your hand made contact with his skin, causing his head to spin completely to the side with the impact.

“asshole,” you said, your voice almost a shout, as you watched his cheek turn red from your hard slap. 

he kept his head turned to the side for a moment as the room fell silent before slowly turning it back to you. 

his gaze was hard and his voice sharp when he spoke next, “gods, i fucking hate you,” he said before crashing his lips in yours.

•••

once again, all eyes were on the living room ceiling.

the family members were trying to detect any any sounding—a scream, a slap, furniture breaking, anything.

but they don't nothing.

complete silence.

slowly they lowered their hands to look at each others. 

“it's. . .quiet,” feyre said.

“that's. . .unusual, and concerning.” rhysand added, looking at cassian. 

“what do you think they're doing upstairs?” cassian asked, looking between the three of them.

“honestly,” nesta said, opening her book again and starting to read “probably killing each other.” 

•••

azriel’s hand slide to the back of your neck before gripping it firmly and pulling you against him, capturing your lips in a hard, demanding kiss, desperate to shut you up.

you didn’t waste a second in kissing him back, your hand dropping the dagger at your feet to find his face. 

his hand on your neck joined his free hand and both slid down to your ass, squeezing it for a moment, before sliding to the back of your thighs and lifting you off the ground.

your legs encircled his waist, a gesture that felt so natural, as if they had always belonged there.

azriel reversed your positions, now pressing you against the wall. he deepened the kiss, his hands returning to your ass holding you in place and drawing a gasp from you.

in turn, your hands left his face and traveled to his shoulders, your fists closing around the fabric of his shirt and pulling it up.

the male grinned at your action and broke the kiss, his lips an inch apart as he spoke with his breath against your face “do you want me that bad, love?”

“shut the fuck up,” you demanded, not wasting time in crashing your lips against his once more.

but soon enough, azriel was pulling back again, “just admit it. admit it, you’re that desperate for me.”

he seriously needed to start reading the room better because this was definitely not the time to be with this lameness.

you grabbed his jaw, your hand pulling him closer to you, “azriel,” your tone was almost lethal, leaving no room for argument, “you either shut up and fuck me or you leave.”

 he went still for a moment, his breathing heavy with his eyes roaming your eyes and lips. 

“you’re so irritating,” he pulled off the wall and soon, your back hit the mattress, and azriel moved to hover over you, his hands on either side of your head.

“good choice,” you said, grabbing his neck and kissing him hungrily.

he bent his legs and spread them so that your legs would also spread apart with the movement, the back of your thighs resting against his and his knees on each side of your hips.

he rose up on his knees, breaking the kiss and bringing his hands to the hem of your t-shirt, tugging it impatiently, “this needs to come off.”

“then what the hell are you waiting for?” you asked, looking up at him, your chest rising and falling rapidly.

his eyes darkened and without any warning, he grabbed in the middle of your shirt and ripped it off of you in a swift and precise move. he threw what was left of it to the floor before he looked down at you, his gaze drinking you in.

“gods, you’re beautiful.”

“i know.”

he chuckled at your words, and removed his t-shirt as well. he leaned down again, and pressed his lips against your neck, finding your pulse point, leaving wet kisses as he traced a path to your collarbone. 

his lips continued its path, reaching your bare chest. he buried his head between your breasts before moving to one of your breasts and closing his mouth around your nipple. 

you closed your eyes in response, a soft moan escaping your lips as you arched your back off the mattress.

he turned his attention to your other breast, aiming to elicit the same response from you again, and when you did and he was satisfied, he lifted his head to look at you.

he kept his eyes on yours as he lowered his lips against your skin to place one last kiss, sending a shiver down your spine.

azriel rose up on his knees again and once again, studied you for a long moment, “you’re a sight to behold,” he murmured, his scarred hands caressing the bare skin of your thighs.

“i know,” you repeated, breathlessly.

he laughed, and lowered himself against you, kissing your neck, and leaning to whisper in your ear “you’re so cocky, love.” 

he nuzzled his nose against your neck, just below your ear, biting that sensitive part gently and eliciting another moan from you.

your hand traveled to the back of his head and when you found his hair, you tugged on it, “honest,” you corrected him.

he let out a moan of pleasure, and he turned to look at you, “honest,” he said, and his lips began to place kisses again towards your chest, but this time going lower and lower.

you let go of his hair and brought your hand to the top of his head to pat it softly, “good boy.”

he growled at your words, his eyes finding yours again and his hand gripping your thigh in annoyance, “don’t call me that.”

your smirk returned, and when azriel saw the mischief in your eyes, he knew you weren’t going to let go of that, and how right he was. you lifted your torso on your forearms, and repeated “good boy.”

he turned his head to bite the inside of your thigh before letting out a low growl again, “say that again and i’ll turn you into a goddamn mess.”

your hand returned to the top of his head and your fingers slid through his silky hair before gripping his strands in a clenched fist, “good. . .boy.”

he growled again, and lowered his head to place one last kiss on your stomach, before grabbing your legs, lifting them from his thighs and spinning you around on the bed.

with you now lying on your stomach, the male’s hand landed on your ass with a firm smack before gripping your hips and pulling you against him, placing you on your hands and knees.

“hold on tight, love. you’re in for it now.” he warned, before starting to undo the ties of his pants. you hid your smile in your arm, and waited for him to get rid of his clothes, missing his skin when he got up from the bed to do so before returning.

an unexpected moan escaped you when you felt his bare skin on yours.

azriel's hands found the fabric of your lacy panties and just like your t-shirt, in a matter of seconds, they were ripped on the floor.

“those were my favorite pair, you idiot.”

azriel smirked and placed a kiss on your lower back, before gently smacking your ass again.

“i’ll buy you new ones, love, don’t worry.”

“you better. fucking asshole.” you muttered but not low enough to stop him from hearing, your face turned behind to look at him over your shoulder. 

azriel placed his hands on your hips again and pulled you against him once more.

one hand now rested on your lower back, while the other grabbed his member and brought it to your entrance. 

he brushed against your folds, causing your toes to curl, “look at you, all ready for me.” 

you rolled your eyes at him, causing him to chuckle and giving your ass another smack “watch the attitude, love. you’re not in a position to sass me.”

“or what?”

azriel grinned before pushing forward and entering you in one long and deep thrust and the room was filled with your moans mixing.

azriel closed his eyes and let his head fall back, a string of curses escaping from his lips. 

your hands gripped the sheet, and you bit your lower lip to stop yourself from following the same path as azriel and letting out a bunch of profanities.

giving you a moment to adjust, azriel’s hands caressed the skin of your lower back and ass, running them up and down in soft circles.

“you're okay?” azriel surprised himself with the question but didn't take it back. his eyes were focused on the back of your head. 

“going soft on me, shadowsinger?” you asked, your eyes open and a cocky smirk on your face.

“never,” he said, his hand landing on your ass a third time before he started moving his hips gently and slowly at first.

your moans began to mix with azriel's as he increased his pace. 

was all he could hear, your moans and how fast and heavy your breathing was.

he didn't need to hear your heartbeat to know that it was beating just as wildly as his, just like he didn’t need you to tell him that this didn’t feel like a regular sexual encounter. 

he knew perfectly well that you were feeling much more than just that, and so was he.

it was as if your senses were even more heightened during this moment, everything was more intense, deep and alive—the mating bond doing its part. 

azriel couldn't help but think about the words his brothers had said earlier and how right they were—nothing could compare to being with your mate, there was no comparison that could be made. 

“this doesn’t change anything,” you said, your voice breaking him from his thoughts.

azriel groaned, both in pleasure and irritation. he couldn't agree with your statement, because he didn't know if he could continue to remain indifferent to you, and to be honest, he didn't know if he wanted to continue that way. 

his brain screamed one thing while his heart screamed another. 

“we’ll see about that,” he said simply, increasing the pace of his thrusts, letting the little irritation he felt guided him. 

the change in pace caused your moans to increase in pitch, your body going forward with each thrust. 

“you’re such an asshole,” you said with a heavy breathing, one that matched with azriel’s.

“and you’re infuriating.” he shot back.

“jerk,”

“brat,”

“bitch,”

at your name call, azriel had to blink his eyes several times to make sure he hadn't just imagined that, that those words had actually come out of your mouth and been directed at him. 

“excuse me?” he asked, his hip movements never giving in. 

“i said. . .bitch,” you repeated, clearly you had no problem repeating your insults directed at him but on the other hand, why would you? 

azriel didn't scare you and you were definitely not afraid of him, in fact you didn't even have any reason to be.

despite your many arguments, exchanged insults and sometimes slaps, punches and knees, you would never be able to seriously hurt each other. 

and not just because the bond didn't allow it but because you were physically incapable of such a thing—and you both knew it, even if you'd never admit it.

azriel couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face, you calling him 'bitch' was just too funny. 

one hand remained on your hip while the other slid up your bare back, reaching the length of your hair and wrapping it around his hand before pulling, making you arch your back and lift your head. 

the moan you let out sent a shiver down azriel's spine, causing the hairs on his arms to stand up, “is that so?”

the pace of his movements accelerated, his thrusts now stronger but still deep, making you feel every inch that came out and went back in. 

“who’s the bitch now?” he asked as he continued his brutal���but very welcoming by you—pace.

“you, you’re my bitch, shadowsinger,” you managed, your moans being temporarily replaced by a big, heartily laugh.

azriel was glad you found that funny because he didn’t. 

his hand left your hip and went to the middle of your back. azriel pushed you down, your chest now against the mattress, changing the angle of your hips. 

the change of angle allowed azriel to go deeper, making you feel every inch of his length and thickness. 

your mouth fell into the shape of an 'o', and you lowered your head between your arms. for a few minutes all that could be heard were your moans, your inability to form words causing amusement in the male behind you. 

“what’s wrong, love? cat got your tongue?” he said, using the same words you used against him moments before.

“fuck you,”

“i already am, love.” he said, bringing his hand to the curve of your ass.

“fucking asshole,” you murmured. 

“language,” azriel’s grin widened, his expression becoming more cocky.

the sound of skin against skin, along with the muffled sounds of moans and heavy breathing filled the room, blurring the windows and the mirror above the dresser.

“i hate you,” you replied, stretching your arms out in front of you on the mattress and tilting your head back a little when you felt azriel tugging lightly on your hair. 

“the feeling is mutual, love,” the male replied with his smile still intact, his hand releasing your hair and coming to rest on your lower back. 

shortly after, your breathing became heavier and heavier as that sweet sensation grew in your cores. 

you raised yourself up on your arms, starting to move your hips in sync with azriel's, the movements meeting in the middle. 

“don’t stop,” you said softly, but your tone carried an order.

both of your moans grew louder, your release getting closer. 

azriel used his hands to squeeze your ass, a gesture that caused you to clench around him and which provoked azriel to deliver a particularly strong and deep thrust.

together, with a loud moan and a deep growl, you and azriel achieved your release. 

the male continued his movements, getting you both through it until there was nothing left. 

you collapsed on top of the bed with the male following right after you, your entire body now against the mattress and his body on top of yours.

azriel’s chest was against your back, his arms came to wrap around your neck and shoulders keeping you encaged between him and the mattress.

his forehead rested your shoulder blades while yours rested on his muscular arms.

you were both silent for a long moment, as you worked on catching your breaths and calming your hearts that were still beating like crazy. 

after a few minutes, you raised your head and placed wet kisses on his biceps. 

as you traced a path on his arms, azriel spoke, his voice quiet and slightly still out of breath, “i missed this.”

your movements faltered, and you looked into the empty for a few seconds before allowing yourself to say, “yes, i missed this too,” a beat of silence and then, “but you’re still an asshole,” you said, your breathing almost back to normal.

“hm, have you noticed that you insult me a lot? is it because i’m illyirian?” azriel asked, half serious, half joking. 

“what?” you asked in surprise, turning your head to the side to meet his face, “no, of course not. i insult you because you irritate me and because rhysand said that insulting is much healthier than hitting you.” 

azriel laughed, a genuine smile replacing his smirk of before.

“but i’m serious, azriel,” you kept your eyes on his, “i don’t care if you're illyrian. i never saw you as anything other than the male you are, not even as a bastard. you never were one, at least not in my eyes.” 

azriel remained quiet, his smile slowly disappearing from his face in contemplation of your words. he couldn't hide his surprise, after your disagreement, this was the nicest thing you had said to him in all those centuries.

his heart tightened in his chest, and he sighed, lowering his head towards your shoulder and placing a kiss before looking you in the eyes again and whispering a small 'thank you'. 

you nodded and turned your head forward, running your hands through your hair as the male watched you for a moment before lifting himself off of you, taking all of his weight off. 

carefully, he pulled out and with a hand on your hip, he turned you to lie down on the bed, your back against the mattress with the softness of the sheets caressing your skin.

azriel parted your legs and kept his eyes on you for a second longer than necessary before lowering himself. 

he settled between your thighs, pushing in again until he was completely buried inside of you before bringing his forearms to rest on each side of your head.

as he looked at you, his gaze now holded something different, something unknown to not only him but to you too.

his hands found your hair, meddling with it, until his thumb found the skin of your forehead and softly caressed it.

you looked up at him, studying him with the same intensity he was, wrapping your legs around his waist, with one ankle over the other—as if to make sure he couldn't escape. 

azriel lowered his head, his nose brushing against yours, one, two, three times before he whispered very lowly, “i hate you.” 

in turn, your hands found the skin of his back, until they went down and found the beginning of his wings, caressing them tenderly.

you watched azriel's eyes being invaded by pleasure and felt his skin heating up.

“i hate you,” you said back, in a soft whisper that could only be meant for his ears and not the world.

your tones of voice were now loaded with different feelings and with different meanings.

it was now your tones that made clear what your words did not. 

all the words that were not spoken, all the thoughts that were not revealed and all the feelings that remained hidden, were sealed by a kiss.

a kiss that old books and stories could only describe as a kiss of true love.

•••

the sun was already peeking through the curtains, the light of a new morning warming the room and hitting the male who was still sleeping peacefully next to you.

with your head resting on his bicep, you looked at his sleeping face while your hand slid through his black curls, gently pulling them back.

you sighed. four hundred years had to pass before you could be back in his arms but still, after last night, you couldn't forget the past.

no matter how hard you tried, those events would always be in the back of your mind.

your hand fell to his face, tracing the line of his jaw before settling on his cheek, your thumb caressing his skin.

you could feel the bond swimming through your veins, telling you that this was where you belonged, that this was where you always belonged.

but your brain screamed at you to run away.

you took a deep breath, and your hand slid to his lips, caressing his lower lip, ignoring the burning you felt in your eyes. 

unable to hold it in any longer, you closed your eyes and gently brushed your nose against his chin, feeling your heart tighten more and more—with longing and pain. 

“i hate that i love you,” you whispered. 

you let yourself stay in his arms, savoring his touch and his smell for a few more seconds before lifting his arm from your waist and getting out of bed. 

grabbing your clothes, you tiptoed to the door before quietly opening it and entering the hallway, but not without looking back at the male sleeping in your bed one last time. 

with a heavy chest, you left the room and closed the door. 

and you didn’t allow yourself to look back.

a/n: thank you for reading!

general taglist: @emryb @fantasyandshit @azrielover @shadowsingercassia @littlelou22 @brieflyclassymortal @lilah-asteria @meul-a @lure-of-writing @pruvii @olive-main @mybestfriendmademe @anuttellaa @mrsjnalvarez @lively-potter @avajustreads @talesofadragon @circe143 @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @dark-chaos-314 @tequilya @scoliobean @saltedcoffeescotch @charlotteintumbleland @agirlwithwifiandalaptop @987coley @mahiiis-world

*if you asked to be tagged and you weren't, it's because i couldn't find your blog.

dividers by @cafekitsune

[azziebaddy]

BTF - Dust, Drama, and Domesticity

Note: This is a bonus one-shot for Between Two Fires. To fully enjoy and understand this piece, I highly recommend reading Between Two Fires first—it’s the emotional groundwork for everything that follows. Trust me, it’ll all make sense after!

Pairing: Azriel x F!Reader

Genre: romcom, humor

Summary: Months into cabin life, you decide to start a memory box to capture the highlights of your unconventional love story. Inside, you tuck a dried flower from the garden, a ribbon from your first Autumn Court dress, and, for a dramatic flourish, a tiny vial of ashes from the Winter Court nobles you obliterated.

Nothing says romance quite like organized arson souvenirs.

Main Story: Between Two Fires - Masterlist

"We should make a memory box," you said one morning, curled against Azriel's chest as sunlight streamed through the east-facing windows of your cabin.

His scarred fingers continued their lazy path through your hair. "A what?"

"A memory box. Like a time capsule, but one we can open whenever we want." You propped yourself up on an elbow, excitement bubbling through you. "It's something humans do. We collect meaningful items that tell our story, then keep them in a special container."

Azriel's shadows swirled with interest, reaching toward you before retreating. At first, his expression remained neutral—that carefully cultivated mask of indifference he'd perfected over centuries. But as you continued speaking, a subtle shift occurred—his eyes softened, his head tilted slightly, and his shadows began forming gentle, curious patterns.

"What purpose does it serve?" he asked, ever practical despite the growing interest evident in his posture.

"It preserves moments that matter," you explained, tracing a finger along his collarbone. "In my human life, my grandmother had one. On special occasions, she'd open this worn cedar box and tell stories about each treasure inside."

You closed your eyes, memory washing over you. "I remember the weight of my grandfather's war medal in my small palm—cold and heavy with history. The yellowed lace of her wedding handkerchief felt so delicate I was afraid my breath might tear it. The tiny leather shoes from my father's first steps, cracked with age but still holding the shape of feet that would one day carry him to war." Your voice softened. "It made history feel... touchable."

When you opened your eyes, Azriel was watching you with an expression you'd only seen a handful of times—open wonder, unguarded and raw.

"A physical record of memory," he said thoughtfully, his shadows settling into a gentle, rhythmic pattern. "Something to anchor the past to the present." A moment's hesitation, then: "We could pass it to our children someday."

The casual mention of children—something that had once been just a dream whispered in darkness—now felt wonderfully possible. A future stretching before you, no longer theoretical but tangible. Your breath caught, and for a moment, the golden bond between you pulsed with shared emotion.

"Exactly," you whispered, running your fingers along the leathery membrane of his wing where it draped protectively over your legs. The texture, both soft and strong, still fascinated you after all this time. "Special things. Meaningful things."

Three days later, he presented you with a box he'd carved himself. Not just any box—a masterpiece of craftsmanship. Dark, polished wood with flame patterns etched along the edges, each one representing a chapter of your shared history. Copper hinges that caught the light like tiny embers. Most stunning were the barely visible shadows carved into the wood itself—protective symbols only visible when light struck at certain angles, his own magic embedded in the grain.

"Open it," he urged, his shadows betraying his anticipation by dancing excitedly around his shoulders.

Inside, nestled on a bed of midnight-blue velvet—the exact shade of the shadows that had first caressed your cheek—he'd already placed the first item: a dried flower from your garden, the first bloom after your return from the human world.

"It's beautiful," you whispered, carefully touching the delicate petals.

"The beginning of our new chapter," he said simply, but the emotion in his voice revealed how deeply this project had already taken root in his heart.

Over the following months, the collection grew. Each addition came with a story, a moment preserved:

A ribbon from your first Autumn Court dress after returning, stitched with golden thread that still caught the light even decades later.

A scrap of parchment where he'd written.

Year 68: I felt the bond flicker today. Stronger, then gone. Is she thinking of me across worlds?

The ink had faded slightly, but the hope contained in those words remained undimmed.

The cork from the bottle of wine you'd shared the night you'd finally told him everything about your human life—every detail, every fear, every triumph. How he'd listened until dawn, his shadows a comforting blanket around you both.

One crisp autumn afternoon, you appeared in the doorway of his workshop where he crafted new shelves, your expression suspiciously innocent as you cradled something in your palm.

"I found the perfect addition," you announced, holding up a small glass vial. Gray powder filled the tiny container, sealed with an ornate stopper shaped like a perfect crystalline snowflake that caught the light in fractal patterns.

Azriel set down his tools, wiping dust from his scarred hands as he approached. His shadows reached the vial before he did, curling around it with curious tendrils. When he took it, you noticed how carefully he handled it, turning it with reverence in his calloused fingers.

"What is this?" he asked, studying the fine gray powder.

"Ashes," you said cheerfully, your tone deliberately casual. "From the Winter Court nobles I incinerated."

The vial slipped from his fingers as if it had suddenly transformed into a venomous serpent. Only his shadowsinger reflexes allowed him to catch it before it shattered on the workshop floor. His expression shifted from curiosity to horror so quickly you had to bite your cheek to keep from laughing.

"You kept their ashes?" His voice jumped an octave higher than you'd ever heard from the usually composed male. His wings flared defensively, the leathery membrane suddenly taut as a drum.

"Just a pinch!" you said defensively, fighting to maintain your serious expression. "I asked Eris to collect some. It felt significant. You know, closure and all that."

"Closure," he repeated faintly. His shadows writhed in agitation, pulling tight against his body like frightened children seeking protection. "You kept a souvenir of people you killed."

"Executed," you corrected primly, placing a hand on your hip. "Legally. As High Lady. For crimes against me and my court."

His shadows pulled even tighter, practically disappearing into his skin. The membrane of his wings trembled visibly, and you watched a muscle tic in his jaw—the most flustered you'd seen him since that first night you'd returned.

"That's..." He struggled for words, his composure completely shattered. His eyes darted between you and the vial as if trying to reconcile the woman he loved with this macabre keepsake. "That's not..."

"Not what?" you prompted innocently.

"Normal," he finally managed, staring at the vial as if expecting the ashes to reconstitute into vengeful spirits at any moment. "My love—"

"Says the male who collects people's secrets for a living," you countered, crossing your arms. "Who has interrogation techniques that made even Rhysand squeamish."

"I don't bottle them as keepsakes!" His wings snapped fully extended, nearly knocking over a shelf of tools. "I don't display them in our home!"

"Well, you should," you sniffed, warming to your performance. "It's very satisfying. Look how pretty the container is! The snowflake is a nice touch, don't you think? Symbolic."

As if summoned by the rising tension, Ember and Sizzle materialized with twin pops of flame, your loyal companions hopping excitedly between you. They squeaked in what sounded suspiciously like approval, having developed a disturbing fondness for fire-related vengeance stories over the years.

"I'm not putting actual remains in our memory box," Azriel said firmly, setting the vial on his workbench with the delicacy one might use for nitroglycerin. His shadows formed a protective barrier around it, as if to quarantine a disease. "That's... macabre. Disturbing. Wrong."

"Fine," you conceded with an exaggerated sigh worthy of a slighted courtier. "I'll just keep it on my nightstand then. It will look lovely next to the candles."

His face went so pale you could almost see through it to the wall behind. The great assassin of the Night Court, terrified by a tiny bottle of dust. "You will not."

"My side of the bed, my decorative choices," you insisted, raising your chin defiantly.

"They're remains!" His voice cracked on the last word.

"Exactly," you corrected with pedantic precision. "And technically, they're just carbon now. Very purified. Almost artistic, really. I could have them made into a lovely paperweight."

His shadows formed agitated question marks above his head, something you'd only seen happen when he was truly and completely flustered. "That doesn't make it better!"

You tapped your chin thoughtfully. "What if I had them made into jewelry instead? A nice pendant? Oh! Or tiny flecks in a pair of earrings that catch the light when I move? Very Winter Court aesthetic, which would be deliciously ironic."

The look of absolute horror on the shadowsinger's face—the most feared assassin in Prythian's history—was so comical that you couldn't maintain your straight face any longer. Your composure cracked, and you dissolved into uncontrollable giggles.

"I'm joking! Mother above, your face!" You doubled over laughing as understanding slowly dawned on him. "The great Shadowsinger, terrified of a tiny bottle of dust! You've faced down armies without flinching, but this—" you gestured to the vial, "—this breaks you?"

Realization transformed his expression from horror to indignation. His shadows flattened against his skin, almost pouting. His wings folded back with an affronted snap.

"You're not putting that in our memory box," he stated, voice clipped with wounded dignity.

"No," you agreed, wiping tears of laughter from your eyes. "It's just sand from the foundation of our cabin. I colored it with ash from the fireplace and had Eris enchant the bottle with that snowflake stopper. I wanted to see your reaction."

His relief was so palpable you could practically taste it, his shoulders dropping as his shadows cautiously extended again. "You're terrible."

"Your face though!" You mimicked his expression of horror, exaggerating the wide eyes and dropped jaw. "I've seen you interrogate the worst criminals in Prythian without blinking, but this—" you gestured to the vial, fresh laughter bubbling up, "—this is what breaks the mighty shadowsinger."

Just as his expression softened into reluctant amusement, you added innocently: "The real ashes are in that cookie jar shaped like a rabbit."

Azriel's eyes darted to the kitchen before narrowing at your renewed laughter. You didn't miss how his shadows secretly slipped toward the kitchen to check, only to return with confirmation that the jar indeed contained only cookies.

He took a predatory step toward you, shadows stretching menacingly. His wings flared fully as he lunged for you, shadows racing ahead to tickle your sides. "Come here, you menace."

You shrieked with laughter, darting around the corner with Azriel in hot pursuit. Ember and Sizzle bounced after you both, their excitement causing tiny flames to erupt in their wake. A curtain caught fire as you raced past, but Azriel's shadows extinguished it without him breaking stride, his focus entirely on capturing you.

The chase led through the kitchen (where you knocked over a bowl of fruit), past the living room (where you leapt over the sofa with surprising agility), and finally ended in the bedroom when he caught you around the waist, his wings creating a leathery cocoon around you both as you fell onto the bed.

"Gotcha," he growled, pinning your hands above your head. His wings arched possessively over you both, blocking out the world.

"So you have," you replied, slightly breathless from running and laughing. "What now, shadowsinger?"

His eyes darkened as he leaned closer, shadows caressing your cheeks with surprising tenderness. "Now I extract my revenge."

Author’s Note:

This oneshot was brought to you by too much caffeine, not enough sleep, and Azriel refusing to let me live my life in peace. Also, I think the shadow bunny is plotting against me. Proceed with caution. 🐇✨

Taglist: @circe143 @lunarxcity @willowpains @messageforthesmallestman @lreadsstuff @evye47 @lovely-susie @moonfawnx @tele86 @moonlitlavenders @darkbloodsly @ees-chaotic-brain @smol-grandpa @auraofathena @lottiiee413 @minaaminaa8 @claudiab22 @moonbeamruins @shewolf1549 @crimsonandwhiteprincess @a-band-aid-for-your-heart @kathren1sky-blog @alimarie1105 @masbt1218 @topaz125 @falszywe @randomdumsblog @sophia-grace2025 @okaytrashpanda @thegoddessofnothingness @unarxcity @svearehnn @suhke3 @galaxystern08 @ivy-34 @hellsenthero @nayaniasworld @raccoonworld @bobbywobbby @evergreenlark @greenmandm @shinyghosteclipse @catloverandreader @the-onlyy-angie @bunnboosblog @i-like-boooks @ashduv @kayjaywrites @lovelyreaderlovesreading @badbishsblog @vera0124 @i-am-infinite @scatteredstardustt @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @chaotic-luvrs @etsukomoonbeam @justtryingtosurvive02 @dianxiaxiexie @annaaaaa88 @mortqlprojections @quiet-loser @shamelesswolftheorist @vanserrasimp @lovelyflower7777 @probendingwords @allthatisbuck1917 @thejediprincess56 @forvalentineboy @romwyz @plowden @jada-lockwood @traveling-neverland @wanderwithmex @magicaldragonlady @makemeurvillain @justswimm @saltedcoffeescotch @rafeecameronsbitch @sherhd @stainedpomegranatelips @ayohockeycheck @yourdarkrose @taurusvic @illyrianshadow @s-h-e-l-b-e-e @ly--canthrope @star-chaser1 @dormantzzzs

[azziebaddy]

Part 9: Shadows and Secrets

Azriel x f!reader

Genre: fated mates, rom-com, crack humor, eventual angst, eventual smut

Summary: Azriel never expected to finally meet his mate and to be… this.

A walking disaster with a talent for tripping over air, an uncanny ability to charm even the grumpiest Illyrian, and a knack for throwing herself headfirst into situations that require his immediate intervention.

She is warmth where he is shadow, laughter where he is silence. And worst of all? She makes him smile without trying.

Azriel, Are you Okay? - Masterlist

The dream always began the same way.

A small wooden cabin, nestled deep in a forest far from any court. The perpetual scent of pine and moss, the constant drip of rain on the roof.

Isolation that seemed to stretch forever in all directions.

In the dream, you were a child again, no more than six or seven. Your small hands worked methodically, stoking the hearth fire as winter winds howled outside. You prepared a simple stew in a dented pot, the steam rising in lazy spirals.

She lay on her bed, your mother, staring at the ceiling, as she had for days. Her once vibrant eyes hollow, her cheeks sunken. This wasn't illness.

This was something deeper, a wound in her spirit that never seemed to heal.

"Mother," your child self whispered, "I made dinner."

No response. Just that vacant stare, tears occasionally sliding down her temples to disappear into her hair.

You placed the wooden bowl beside her bed, knowing it would remain untouched. Just as yesterday's had. And the day before that.

"I'll leave it here," you said, your small voice almost swallowed by the emptiness of the cabin. "For when you're hungry."

Loneliness wrapped around you like a physical cloak, heavy and suffocating.

Through the window, you watched snowflakes dance in the darkness, deepening your isolation. No one would travel these woods in such weather. No one would find your cabin.

No one would find you.

Then came the voices, whispers that seemed to seep from the very walls of the cabin. Words you couldn't quite make out, meanings that skittered away when you tried to focus on them.

Strange images flashed. Your reflection in the window glass, eyes shimmering with an odd light. Your mother suddenly sitting up, panic lending her strength where grief had stolen it, grabbing your shoulders with desperate hands.

Words you couldn't remember upon waking, a promise you didn't understand.

You jolted awake, a gasp catching in your throat, but the sound was muffled against warm skin and solid muscle.

Disoriented, you blinked in the pre dawn darkness, momentarily confused by the weight across your waist, the unfamiliar heat surrounding you. Then recognition settled in, along with immediate comfort.

Azriel.

His arm was draped possessively around your middle, his chest pressed against your back, his wings partially unfurled to cocoon you both in living shadow and warmth. His breathing was deep and even, fanning against your neck in a rhythm that normally would have lulled you back to sleep.

But the dream lingered, its ghostly fingers still clutching at your mind.

You shifted carefully, not wanting to wake him, but of course he sensed the change instantly. Azriel had spent centuries honing his awareness, training his body to register the slightest disturbance even in sleep.

"What is it?" His voice was rough with sleep, yet quiet in the darkness. The arm around your waist tightened slightly, instinctively protective.

"Nothing," you whispered back, trying to keep your voice steady. "Just a strange dream."

You felt him shift behind you, propping himself up on one elbow to look down at your face.

Though the room was dark, you knew he could see you perfectly. Those Illyrian senses missed nothing, especially not the rapid flutter of your pulse, the lingering tension in your body.

"The same one?" he asked softly.

You nodded, though you couldn't remember telling him about the dreams before. Maybe he'd sensed them, felt the disturbance through the mating bond that connected you.

With gentle insistence, he turned you in his arms until you faced him. In the darkness, his hazel eyes seemed to glow faintly, catching what little light filtered through the curtains. His shadows stirred around him, coiling closer as if sensing your distress.

"Tell me," he urged, one scarred hand coming up to brush hair from your face.

You hesitated, trying to grasp the dream details that were already fading.

"I was a child, in a cabin somewhere... with my mother, I think. She was sad... or sick. I don't know." You shook your head, frustrated by the fragments slipping away. "It felt so real, but now it's just... pieces."

Azriel's expression shifted, the neutral mask giving way to something sharper, more alert. His shadows suddenly swirled more actively, stretching toward you in agitated patterns. One brushed against your cheek, surprisingly cool against your skin.

"This is the third night," he said, his voice no longer sleep-rough but precise, calculating. "The same dream, becoming clearer each time."

You blinked, surprised by his intensity. "It's just a dream, Az."

"Is it?" His gaze remained fixed on yours, searching.

You tried for levity. "Maybe I'm just stressed about Gregory's upcoming scale polishing appointment. Fish parenting is serious business."

Your joke fell flat against Azriel's unwavering concern. His shadows whispered to him, coiling around his ears before stretching out again to touch your hair, your wrists, the pendant at your throat.

"We need to see Rhys," he said suddenly, already sitting up. "Now."

"What?" You stared at him, bewildered. "Now, as in right now? It's not even dawn!"

"Now." The word was firm, brooking no argument.

"Azriel." You sat up, clutching the blanket to your chest. "It's the middle of the night. We can't just burst into the High Lord's bedroom because I had a weird dream about a sad mother and a pot of stew. That's not how normal people behave."

"You're not normal people," he said, already pulling on his fighting leathers with swift, economical movements. "You're my mate. And something's happening to you."

"Yes, it's called sleep deprivation," you protested. "Caused by a certain shadowsinger waking me up at an ungodly hour to discuss my dreams with his boss."

Azriel paused in buckling one of his many knives to his thigh.

Despite your exasperation, you couldn't help admiring the sight of him, half-dressed and serious.

The man could make paranoia look attractive.

"The cabin," he said quietly. "Did it have a blue door? With a carving of a crescent moon?"

Your heart stuttered. You hadn't mentioned that detail, had you? "How did you..."

"Rhys has been searching for a cabin matching that description for weeks," Azriel said, returning to his weapons with renewed urgency. "Ever since the night of the River House party, when he first recognized you."

"Recognized me?" You felt like you were missing several crucial pieces of a puzzle. "I've only met Rhys a handful of times since I started at the Archives."

Azriel's gaze met yours, something ancient and knowing in his eyes. "No," he said gently. "You met him long before that. You just don't remember."

A chill ran through you. "That's... that's not possible."

"Isn't it?" He crossed back to the bed, kneeling before you, taking your hands in his scarred ones. "The voices that no one else hears. The dreams that feel like memories. The way my shadows sought you out from the moment we met, like they recognized something in you that I couldn't yet see."

Your mouth went dry. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying," he replied, squeezing your hands gently, "that you need to talk to Rhys. Tonight."

"Can I at least put on clothes first?" you asked weakly, grasping at the last shreds of normalcy. "Or should I meet the High Lord of the Night Court in my nightgown? I hear that's the fashion these days."

A smile flickered across Azriel's face, there and gone in an instant. "Clothes would be advisable."

"Well, thank the Mother for small mercies." You slid from the bed, moving to your wardrobe. "But if Rhysand is sleeping, I'm blaming you entirely. I'll tell him you forced me to come, driven by some mad spymaster conspiracy theory about my entirely ordinary bad dreams."

Azriel watched you with that penetrating gaze of his. "You're deflecting."

"I'm coping," you corrected, pulling out a simple dress. "Some of us manage fear with humor rather than an arsenal of pointy objects."

His expression softened. "I would take all your fear if I could."

The simple sincerity in his voice melted your resistance. You sighed, shoulders slumping slightly. "Fine. We'll go see Rhys. But I want it on record that this is ridiculous, and I'm only agreeing because you look very convincing with all those knives."

Azriel's lips curved in a barely-there smile. "Noted."

Ten minutes later, dressed and marginally more awake, you found yourself gathered in Azriel's arms as he prepared to fly you to the River House. His wings spread wide, magnificent even in the dim light of your bedroom.

"For the record," you mumbled against his chest, "if he's is annoyed at being woken up for dream interpretation, I'm throwing you under the carriage."

"He won't be," Azriel said with absolute certainty. "He's been waiting for this."

"For what?"

Azriel's arms tightened around you as he moved to the window. "For you to remember."

As his powerful wings caught the night air and lifted you both into the star-strewn sky, you couldn't shake the feeling that you were flying toward something that would change everything. That the dream wasn't just a dream, but a key turning in a long-forgotten lock.

And somewhere in the back of your mind, a voice whispered.

You promised. No magic. No matter what you see or hear.

But whose voice it was, you couldn't remember.

The flight to the River House was mercifully brief.

Dawn was still nothing more than a promise on the horizon when Azriel landed on a wide balcony with practiced silence, setting you gently on your feet.

You'd expected darkness, servants scrambling to attend unexpected visitors, perhaps even an annoyed High Lord in sleeping attire.

Instead, warm light spilled from the open balcony doors. Rhysand stood waiting, fully dressed in elegant black, a glass of amber liquid in one hand.

As if he'd been expecting you. As if he'd been waiting.

"Right on time," he said, violet eyes gleaming in the low light. His gaze swept over you, assessing, before settling on Azriel. "The dreams have started."

Not a question. A statement of fact.

Your mouth fell open. "How did you—"

"Let's talk inside," Rhys interrupted smoothly, stepping back to allow you entrance. "Feyre has prepared tea."

Your steps faltered. "Feyre's awake too?" You shot Azriel an accusatory look. "Is everyone in the Night Court up at this unholy hour discussing my sleeping habits?"

"Not everyone," Rhys replied with a hint of amusement. "Just those who need to be."

The High Lord's study was unexpectedly cozy, with a fire crackling in the hearth and comfortable seating arranged around it. Feyre rose from an armchair as you entered, her expression kind but tinged with something that looked disconcertingly like concern.

"Please, sit," she said, gesturing to a plush sofa. "You look like you've had a rough night."

"Apparently it's about to get rougher," you muttered, but did as suggested. Azriel settled beside you, close enough that his wing brushed your back in a gesture of silent support.

Rhys remained standing, leaning against the mantelpiece with casual grace that didn't quite mask the intensity of his focus. "Tell me about the dream."

Under that violet gaze, you suddenly felt self-conscious. "It's nothing special. Just a cabin in the woods. A sad mother. Some voices." You shrugged, aiming for nonchalance and failing miserably. "Probably just my subconscious processing Archives stress or something."

"The cabin had a blue door," Rhys said softly. "With a crescent moon carved into it."

Your heart stuttered. "How do you—"

"You were small," he continued, eyes never leaving your face. "No more than six or seven. Your mother was... unwell. Not physically, but inside. She wouldn't eat. Wouldn't speak except to warn you about something. To make you promise."

The room tilted alarmingly. You gripped the sofa cushion to steady yourself, feeling Azriel's hand press reassuringly against your lower back.

"That's... that's impossible," you whispered. "How could you know the details of my dream?"

"Because it's not just a dream." Rhys pushed away from the mantelpiece, moving to sit across from you. His expression softened, a surprising gentleness entering his voice. "It's a memory. One that was taken from you."

"Taken?" Your voice sounded strange to your own ears. "By who?"

Rhys and Feyre exchanged a look laden with meaning. Then Rhys sighed, seeming to make a decision.

"By my father," he said simply. "The previous High Lord of the Night Court."

The words landed like physical blows. You stared at him, unable to process what he was saying. "I've never met your father. He died centuries ago."

"Yes." Rhys leaned forward, hands clasped between his knees. "But you knew him before that. When you were a child."

"That's not possible." You shook your head vehemently. "I grew up in a small village near the Day Court border. My mother was a seamstress. I only moved to Velaris a few years ago."

"Those aren't your memories," Feyre said gently. "They're fabrications, planted to replace what was taken."

You let out a shaky laugh, looking between them. "This is insane. Why would anyone bother tampering with a random child's memories?"

"Because you weren't random," Rhys said, his voice dropping lower, carrying a somberness that made your heart ache. "You were his secret, yes. A pawn, perhaps. But you were also—" His breath hitched. "—something he kept hidden, even from us."

The room went utterly silent. You could hear the crackling of the fire, the soft rush of Azriel's wings as they shifted. You could feel his tension beside you, the protective coil of his shadows around your wrists.

"No," you said flatly. "That's not... no. My father was a Day Court soldier who died before I was born. My mother showed me his portrait."

"Did she?" Rhys asked softly. "Can you remember his face?"

You opened your mouth to reply, to describe the portrait you'd seen a thousand times... and found nothing. No clear image. Just a vague impression of a uniform, a faceless figure, a story told so often it had become truth.

"This is ridiculous," you insisted, though uncertainty crept into your voice. "Why would you even think that I... that he..."

Rhys's expression turned solemn. "Because I remember you."

His hand trembled slightly as he reached into his pocket and withdrew a small carved star, its edges smooth from years of wear. It glinted in the firelight, a relic from a past neither of you could have foreseen. "This…" His voice cracked. "You gave this to me, when you called me brother."

A chill skittered down your spine. Something about the star in his palm tugged at your mind, a faint thread of recognition.

"You were brought to the Court Under the Mountain when you were about six. Your mother had been my father's mistress for years, but kept you hidden until then. One night, I found you on a balcony, watching the stars."

Feyre made a small sound, halfway between sympathy and wonder. Azriel remained silent beside you, but his hand found yours, fingers intertwining with quiet strength.

As the memories churned within you, Azriel's shadowed presence at your side became a delicate balance.

He was there—always there—but his restraint burned through him, a visible tension in his jaw. He wanted to reach out, to wrap you in his arms, but he was waiting for you, respecting the distance you needed. His shadows, once so familiar and comforting, now seemed like an extension of his anxiety, curling tight at his sides as if waiting for you to allow them closer.

"After that night, you disappeared," Rhys said. "Both you and your mother. My father forbade anyone from speaking of you. When I asked, he... punished me. And then he removed the memory entirely."

"But it returned," Feyre added, her gaze compassionate. "After all these years. When he saw you at the River House party, something clicked. A memory that had been altered but not completely destroyed."

You swallowed hard, trying to process what they were saying. "So you're claiming that I'm... what? Your half-sister? The illegitimate child of the previous High Lord?"

"Yes," Rhys said simply. "And I believe my father altered your memories before sending you away. Created a false past for you and your mother. To keep you hidden, perhaps as insurance, or perhaps out of some twisted form of protection."

"The dream is your true memory fighting to surface," Feyre explained. "The cabin was real. Your mother's depression was real. And the voices..."

"The voices were your power," Rhys finished. "A power I've never seen before in any daemati. Even in our bloodline."

Your head spun.

It was too much, too fantastical.

And yet... and yet it would explain the whispers in the Archives. The strange sense of recognition you'd felt toward Rhys from your first meeting. The way Azriel's shadows had always seemed to know you, reaching for you even before he consciously recognized the mating bond.

"What do you mean, a power you've never seen before?" you asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Rhys leaned forward, intensity radiating from him. "I'm considered one of the most powerful daemati in Prythian's history. But your abilities, even when untrained and trapped behind whatever shield my father put in your mind... they're extraordinary. You don't just hear thoughts. You hear voices across realms. You hear the dead."

"That's not possible," you whispered, but even as you said it, fragments of memory flickered at the edges of your consciousness. Whispers in the dark. Secrets no living soul should know. The endless solitude of that cabin, broken only by voices that shouldn't exist.

"My father placed a shield in your mind," Rhys continued. "But I don't know why. What he was hiding. What he feared." His violet eyes locked with yours. "I want to help you uncover it. To remember who you truly are."

As he spoke about your mother, about the cabin, something shifted in your mind. Like a key turning in a rusty lock, a door creaking open to reveal horrors long hidden.

The image of her body—a stillness that didn't make sense to your young mind—kept cutting through your vision like a broken film reel.

Blood, you thought. It clung to your skin, soaked into your small hands, but the details weren't clear. You only knew the terror, the screaming. The whispers of someone else… someone cold… someone waiting for you to be strong.

Your mother.

Not sitting up in bed, not warning you about using power.

Her body. Still. Cold. Lifeless.

Blood. So much blood. On the floor. On your tiny hands. On your nightdress.

Your child self, screaming. Sobbing. Alone with a corpse in the wilderness.

And a voice, familiar yet chilling. "She was weak. But you, little one... you will be strong."

The memory slammed into you with physical force. You jerked back, a strangled sound escaping your throat. Azriel's arm immediately went around you, his shadows flaring protectively, but you barely felt it through the surge of panic.

"She's dead," you gasped, the words torn from some deep, wounded place inside you. "My mother. She's dead. In the cabin. I found her."

Rhys straightened, alarm flashing across his features. "What do you remember?"

But the memories were coming too fast now, a torrent of images and sensations breaking through the crumbling dam in your mind. Your mother's body.

The isolation. The terror.

You tried to shove it down, to rebuild the walls that had protected you for so long.

This couldn't be real. This couldn't be your life.

Your mother died peacefully. Your father was a hero. You were normal. Ordinary. Safe.

But the truth clawed its way out, ripping through the carefully constructed lies, leaving you raw and exposed.

The air stilled, thick with tension as your power surged, a wave of energy too raw and untamed to control. The fire sputtered and died in the hearth, the once steady flames now nothing more than flickering embers that reflected in Rhysand's wide, shocked eyes. The tea service shattered, its delicate porcelain scattering in a rain of broken shards that echoed through the silence, the sound as jarring as the chaos inside you.

"Stay away from me," you said, surging to your feet, backing away from them all. Your chest heaved with panicked breaths. "All of you. Stay back."

Azriel's shadows, once a comforting presence, writhed beneath his skin, the invisible tendrils curling tighter around you, though the proximity of his presence did little to ease the tempest inside you. His eyes darkened with his own helplessness, his usual calm shattered by the storm of emotions sweeping over you.

"You're safe," Azriel began, rising slowly, hands outstretched in a non-threatening gesture. "No one here will hurt you."

But you weren't seeing him anymore. You were seeing a cabin in the woods. A small child covered in blood. A High Lord with darkness writhing at his command, reaching for you, into you, twisting something in your mind until the world went black.

"Don't touch me!" The words burst from you in a wave of power that rippled through the room, knocking over furniture, extinguishing the fire, shattering the tea service.

Feyre gasped. Rhys moved in front of her instinctively, though his expression wasn't fear but shock.

And Azriel... Azriel stood perfectly still, watching you with those ancient eyes, shadows writhing around him but never approaching you.

"I need to go," you said, backing toward the balcony doors. "I need... I can't..."

"Let me take you home," Azriel said quietly. "Please. I won't touch you if you don't want me to. I won't speak. Just let me make sure you get home safely."

The raw concern in his voice penetrated your panic. You looked at him, really looked at him, and saw not the threat your fragmented memories had conjured but your mate.

Your protector.

The one who had woken in the night to your distress and brought you here out of worry, not malice.

"Az," you whispered, voice breaking on his name.

He took a careful step toward you. "I'm here."

"I don't know what's happening to me."

"I know," he said softly. "But we'll figure it out. Together."

You looked past him to Rhys and Feyre, who remained where they were, making no move to approach. The shock on their faces had been replaced by deep concern.

"I didn't mean to..." you gestured weakly at the destruction around you.

"It's nothing," Rhys assured you, his voice gentle in a way you'd never heard before. "Just furniture. What matters is you."

And in that moment, despite the terror and confusion, despite the horror of the memories surfacing in your mind, you felt something unexpected.

Belonging.

"I want to go home," you said finally, your voice small.

"Then that's where we'll go," Azriel promised, moving to your side but still not touching you without permission. "May I?"

You nodded, and he carefully wrapped an arm around your waist, gathering you close as his wings spread in preparation for flight.

"We'll talk when you're ready," Rhys said from behind you. "No pressure. No timeline. This is your journey, on your terms."

You didn't respond, couldn't find words through the storm in your mind. But as Azriel lifted you into the dawn-brightening sky, as Velaris spread below you in all its awakening beauty, you clutched the carved star Rhys had pressed into your palm and wondered what other horrors waited behind the walls in your mind.

The apartment felt both sanctuary and prison.

For three days now, you'd barely left your bedroom, the walls both shield and cage. Gregory's bowl sat on your nightstand, his silent companionship the only interaction you could bear.

Even then, sometimes his innocent bubbling felt like accusation—why are you hiding?

Outside your door, life persisted.

The quiet conversations, ceramic against wood as meals appeared and disappeared, untouched. The soft rustle of wings as Azriel moved through your apartment—a constant, patient sentinel.

He hadn't tried to force his way in. Hadn't sent his shadows slithering under the crack to spy.

He simply... waited.

Like the mountain waits for spring after winter's grip—inevitable, unrushing, certain.

Your latest nightmare had left your body hollowed, sheets damp with cold sweat that smelled of fear.

The memories—were they even memories?—grew sharper each night, glass edges cutting deeper. Mother's body. Blood pooling black in the moonlight. The silence after screaming that stretched into forever.

Who am I, if not who I believed? The question echoed, unanswered, a stone dropped into a bottomless well.

A soft knock pulled you from the spiral, gentle but unmistakable.

"There's food," Azriel's voice came through the wood, his deep timbre neither demanding nor pitying. Just stating fact. "And tea. When you're ready."

You didn't answer. Hadn't in days. But something in you ached at his voice—steady as the North Star while you drowned in shifting seas.

"Lira stopped by," he continued, as though conversing through doors was perfectly natural. "She brought more books from the Archives. Said they might help distract you."

Your chest tightened. Lira. Sweet, fierce Lira who knew nothing of your true heritage but had still shown up, bearing gifts and stubborn concern.

"Is she still sick?" she'd asked earlier, her voice carrying through the door.

"Something like that," Azriel had replied, the evasion smooth as silk.

You'd pressed your ear to the door then, desperate for that connection to normal life—if it had ever been yours at all.

"Well, tell her Gregory misses his mother," Lira had said, false lightness straining her words. "And that Mor is threatening to organize a rescue mission if she doesn't emerge soon."

The thought of Mor charging in, all golden fury and determination, had almost—almost—made you smile.

Another knock, firmer this time.

"You should eat," Azriel said.

Not an order but a reminder that your body still existed, still needed care, regardless of the crisis consuming your mind.

The whisper of fabric as he shifted outside—a sound so faint only Illyrian hearing could detect it. His shadows moved too, their presence palpable even through the door, like cool fingertips brushing the wood between you.

"This will pass," his voice came again, softer now, intimate as a shared secret. "Nothing lasts forever. Not even this darkness."

The words carried something rare for Azriel—naked emotion, unguarded by his usual careful reserve.

"How can you know that?" you whispered, unsure if he could hear.

A pause. Then, "Because I see you, even when you can't see yourself."

The simplicity of it burned your eyes with unshed tears.

For days, you'd been terrified of the power that had exploded in Rhys's study, of hurting those you loved. Yet Azriel's voice held no fear, only bedrock certainty.

"I'm afraid," you admitted, pressing your forehead against the door. "Of what I might do. What I might become."

"I know," he said, and you sensed him move closer, his presence a weight against the other side. "But whatever you face, you don't have to face it alone."

His shadows seeped through the thin crack beneath the door, not invading but reaching—cool tendrils of night that carried his silent promise.

"Some nights," he continued, voice dropping to a rumble that vibrated through the wood, "when darkness feels absolute, I remember that dawn has never once failed to come. Not once in five hundred years."

Gregory bubbled in his bowl, a mundane counterpoint to Azriel's poetry.

"What if I hurt someone?" The fear that had kept you locked away. "What if I can't control it?"

"Then we learn control together," he answered without hesitation, the words carrying a thread of steel. "No one expects you to master this alone."

You closed your eyes, his words settling into the hairline fractures of your fear like healing rain into parched earth.

"The others have been asking about you," Azriel said after a moment. "Mor. Cassian. Even Amren, in her way."

"Amren?" The surprise pulled your voice higher. "Truly?"

"She said—and I quote—'Tell the girl to stop wallowing and come learn what she can do.'" A hint of wry amusement colored his tone. "I believe that's her version of concern."

Tiny, ancient Amren, with her quicksilver eyes and merciless pragmatism, worried about you. The thought unfurled warmth in your chest—this strange, cobbled family refusing to abandon you, even now.

"Rhys hasn't pushed," Azriel continued. "He understands better than most what it means to discover truths about yourself that change everything. But he's there, when you're ready."

When, not if. The distinction wasn't lost on you.

"I don't know if I'll ever be ready," you confessed.

"You will be," he said, conviction running through his words like iron. "And until then, I'll be right here. Not moving."

His shadows pulsed beneath the door, physical manifestations of his oath, curling up like ribbons of midnight. One shadow reached toward your bare foot, pausing as if asking permission.

You stared at it—this living darkness that could pierce any barrier yet respected your boundaries enough to wait, to ask.

Slowly, you lowered your hand, allowing the shadow to brush your fingertips. The sensation was cool but not cold, silk against skin, a touch more intimate than any physical contact.

"Az," you whispered, his name breaking on your lips.

"I'm here," he answered immediately, voice taut with restrained emotion.

Your fingers found the door handle, hesitated, then began to turn it.

And then they came.

Whispers.

Not one, but dozens. Hundreds.

A cacophony of voices like brittle bones breaking, like water over burial stones, like the final stuttering exhale of the dying. They surrounded you, filled the room, pressed against your skin from all sides.

"Little listener," they hissed, words overlapping, discordant as broken instruments. "Little one with the gift and the curse."

Your hand froze on the doorknob, lungs seizing mid-breath.

"The shadowsinger cannot protect you," another voice rasped, this one colder, closer, the sound of it like frost forming on your spine. "His shadows are nothing compared to us. We exist in the space between heartbeats. In the darkness behind your eyes."

"His throat would open so easily," whispered one that sounded like a child, the innocence in the tone making the words obscene. "Wet and warm and red. We remember red. We miss red."

Terror crashed through you, limbs locking rigid as ice spread through your veins.

"His wings would snap like frozen branches," offered another, the voice wet with anticipation. "We could guide your hands. We could sing the song of breaking bones together."

"Stop," you breathed, the word barely audible. "Please stop."

The voices laughed—a sound like maggots writhing in rotting flesh.

"She thinks she commands us!" they mocked, voices layering over each other in horrible harmony. "Little daemati, little Night Court foundling. You don't command the dead. You are our doorway. Our puppet. Our hands in the world of flesh."

A sob caught in your throat, your fingers slipping from the doorknob as you backed away. The voices followed, clinging to you like grave mold, their phantom touch raising gooseflesh across your body.

"What's wrong?" Azriel called, alarm sharpening his voice. "Are you alright?"

You couldn't answer. Couldn't form words as the voices pressed closer, their whispers filling your ears, your mind, crowding out thought.

"Tell him," they urged, vicious excitement in their chorus. "Tell him we're here. Tell him we can see the exact moment his heart will stop beating."

"Tell him we're coming for him through you."

The doorknob rattled. "I'm coming in," Azriel commanded, all patience evaporated in the face of your distress.

A sharp crack split the air—wood splintering, metal snapping—and the door swung open, lock destroyed by Illyrian strength.

Azriel stood in the doorway, wings flared wide, shadows roiling around him like storm clouds. His eyes, usually so controlled, burned with fierce concern as they found you huddled against the far wall.

"Don't," you gasped, pressing back as if you could melt into the plaster. "Please. Go away."

"Too late," the voices crooned, crawling over each other in gleeful anticipation. "Too late, too late, too late..."

He didn't leave. But he didn't approach either.

Instead, he lowered himself to the floor, a careful distance away, movements slow and deliberate as if approaching a wounded animal. His wings tucked tight, though his shadows continued their agitated dance.

"I'm not leaving," he said quietly, each word a stone foundation. "Not now. Not ever."

The voices hissed—some in frustration, others in what sounded disturbingly like hunger.

"How sweet, his devotion," they mocked. "How easily it will break when your hands wrap around his throat. Your body, our will. Your power, our purpose."

You squeezed your eyes shut, hot tears tracking down your cheeks. But you couldn't block the voices. They were inside you, part of this cursed gift you'd inherited.

"There's something wrong with me," you managed, words raw and jagged.

"No," Azriel replied without hesitation, the word landing with the weight of absolute truth. "There's something wrong with what was done to you. That's different."

The distinction hung between you—simple yet profound. He didn't demand explanations. Just sat there, solid as bedrock, his shadows gradually settling as your breathing steadied.

The voices retreated slightly, their frustration a tangible pressure, but they didn't vanish. They lingered at the edges of your awareness, whispering promises of violence, of control, of horrors to come.

"I don't know how to do this," you admitted, voice barely above a whisper. You couldn't tell him about the voices, about their threats. Not yet. Not when you feared they might use you as their instrument.

"None of us do," Azriel replied, unexpected vulnerability in his admission. "We're all just... finding our way forward. One step at a time. Even Rhys."

A surprised laugh escaped you, so incongruous with the terror still coiled inside that it startled even you. The voices recoiled at the sound, as if your moment of genuine feeling caused them physical pain.

That was... interesting.

"You don't have to tell me everything," Azriel said, his perceptiveness cutting to the heart of your silence. "Not until you're ready. But don't convince yourself you need to face it alone."

Gregory bubbled energetically from his bowl, as if agreeing—or perhaps sensing the momentary retreat of the dead that had filled the room.

"Even Gregory agrees," Azriel noted, the faintest hint of humor warming his voice.

You wiped tear-stained cheeks with trembling hands. "You broke my door."

"It was between us." he replied simply.

Another surprised laugh, this one stronger. "You're impossible."

"I've had centuries of practice." His gaze remained steady, shadows settling into calmer patterns. "Are you hungry?"

The question was so normal, so everyday amid the supernatural crisis consuming your life, that you could only stare at him.

Then, absurdly, your stomach growled—loudly.

Azriel's brow lifted slightly, the closest thing to smugness his severe features could manage. "I'll take that as yes."

For the first time in days, you felt something simple and human beneath the fear. Hunger—a reminder that regardless of what else you might be, you were still flesh and blood with basic needs.

"Maybe a little," you conceded.

He nodded, rising with fluid grace that belied his warrior's build. He didn't offer his hand, didn't try to help you up—understanding you needed to stand on your own terms, in your own time.

"I'll bring it here," he said, already turning toward the broken doorway. "You don't have to come out until you're ready."

The consideration in the gesture made your chest ache. "Az?"

He paused, looking back over his shoulder, wings shifting slightly.

"Thank you."

For staying. For breaking down doors. For not demanding answers you couldn't give.

"For everything."

His expression didn't change, but his shadows swirled with something that might have been tenderness. "Always."

As he left to retrieve food, the voices whispered again—fainter now but laced with malice.

"You won't escape us forever," they warned. "We are patient. We are eternal. We will always find you, little daemati."

But for the first time since they'd begun their terrible chorus, their threats felt less absolute.

A shadow—one of Azriel's—had remained behind, curling around your wrist like a bracelet of cool night. It pulsed gently, as if taking your pulse, reminding you that you weren't alone in this darkness.

That perhaps there was light worth fighting for after all.

Consciousness returned like the tide—gradual yet inevitable. Sunlight filtered through the curtains, painting golden stripes across your rumpled sheets and warming skin that had felt cold for days.

You shifted, muscles protesting after being tensed in fear for so long. The absence struck you first—that terrible chorus of dead voices had finally quieted sometime in the night. The silence in your mind felt vast and pristine, like fresh snow before footprints mar its surface. You'd forgotten how peaceful quiet could be.

A soft rustle drew your attention.

Azriel sat in the chair beside your bed, a sentinel carved from shadow and steel. His wings were folded tight against his back, the tips brushing the floor. Dark circles shadowed his eyes, the only evidence of his sleepless vigil. His shadows moved languidly around him, more settled than you'd seen them in days.

Guilt twisted through you. "You didn't sleep," you murmured, voice rough from disuse.

His eyes—sharp despite his evident exhaustion—focused on you immediately. The slightest tremor ran through his hands before he stilled them against the armrests. "You did. That's what matters."

You pushed yourself up against the headboard, studying him. The shadows beneath his eyes looked almost bruised, his normally immaculate appearance showing subtle signs of strain—a slight wrinkle in his fighting leathers, a strand of dark hair falling across his forehead.

"Az, you need rest too," you said softly.

A muscle in his jaw tightened. "I've gone longer."

The stubborn male.

Your lips pursed into what you knew was a childish pout, brows drawing together as you frowned at him.

Something shifted in Azriel then—subtle at first, like ice beginning to thaw.

The rigid line of his shoulders eased slightly. The severe set of his mouth softened at the corners.

Then, like dawn breaking after endless night, his expression transformed completely. A genuine smile spread across his face, reaching his eyes in a way so rare and beautiful it momentarily stole your breath.

"What?" you asked, unsettled by this sudden change.

"There you are," he said, voice hushed as if sharing a sacred truth. "I thought I'd lost you to the fear."

His shadows stirred, stretching toward you like creatures seeking warmth.

Before you could respond, he moved to the edge of your bed. Not with his usual predatory grace, but carefully, almost tentatively, as if afraid you might shatter or flee.

"Az?" Your heart quickened as he leaned closer.

His scarred hands hovered near your face—hesitating, uncertain—before gently, reverently cradling your cheeks. The calluses on his palms were rough against your skin, a warrior's hands trying to be gentle. Then he pressed a kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering as if in prayer.

"Azriel!" Heat flooded your face at the unexpected tenderness.

He pulled back just enough to meet your gaze, something vulnerable flickering in the depths of his hazel eyes. A question. A fear of overstepping. But at whatever he saw in your expression, his hesitation melted away.

Another kiss found your temple, his breath warm against your skin. Then your cheek, the touch feather-light yet devastating in its sweetness. The tip of your nose. Each contact deliberate, almost worshipful.

"Az, what are you doing?" you asked, breathless.

The shadows of his lashes fell across his cheekbones as he looked down. "Making sure you're real," he confessed, voice rough with emotion he rarely displayed. "That the voices didn't take you from me."

His shadows joined this unexpected display of affection, curling around your wrists like cool silk ribbons. Where they touched, they left a sensation like starlight against your skin—bright yet gentle, familiar yet extraordinary.

"I'm still here," you assured him, flustered by this uncharacteristic display. "You can stop now."

He caught your chin between thumb and forefinger, his expression softening further.

"No," he said simply, the word carrying a world of tenderness you'd never heard from him before. "I don't think I can."

The bold declaration, so unlike his usual measured restraint, left you momentarily speechless.

"When did you get so impossible?" you managed finally.

His thumb traced the curve of your lower lip, his touch reverent. "When I thought I might lose you to the darkness in your mind."

You tried to maintain your composure, but a smile betrayed you, tugging at the corners of your mouth. "I'm stronger than that."

"Yes," he agreed, shadows swirling with something that might have been pride. "You are."

He brushed your hair back, the scarred ridges of his fingertips catching slightly against the strands. "The voices... are they quiet now?"

The question sobered you. You turned your awareness inward, holding your breath as you listened for that terrible chorus.

Nothing.

Where before there had been a cacophony of malicious whispers, pressing against your consciousness like hands trying to break through glass, now there was only blessed stillness. The relief was so profound it brought tears to your eyes.

"They're gone," you whispered, voice breaking on the words. "I can't hear them at all."

A shudder passed through Azriel, his exhale shaky as he leaned his forehead against yours. "Thank the Mother."

For a moment, you simply breathed together, sharing the same air, the same space. His shadows drifted around you both, forming a cocoon of living darkness that felt strangely like protection.

"You know," he said finally, his voice a low rumble that you felt more than heard, "Rhys believes he can help."

Tension crawled back into your shoulders. "How?"

"He's a daemati too," Azriel reminded you, one hand sliding to the nape of your neck in a steadying touch. "He could teach you to build shields in your mind. To filter what you hear."

His shadows faltered slightly at the mention of Rhys, twisting into agitated patterns before settling again—a tell you'd never noticed before.

"What if I hurt him?" Fear crept back into your voice. "What if the voices come back when I'm with him, and they make me do something terrible?"

Azriel's grip on you tightened fractionally, his jaw hardening with determination. "Then I'll be there. Between you and him. Between you and anyone who might be harmed." His shadows surged in agreement, darkening with protective intent. "But we can't hide from this forever."

The "we" wasn't lost on you—he had claimed your burden as his own without hesitation.

"I'm terrified," you admitted.

"I know." He kissed you again, this time at the corner of your eye where a tear threatened to fall. "But I've watched you face impossible things before."

"You make me sound braver than I am," you murmured.

"No," he said with unexpected fierceness. "I see you exactly as you are."

The simple truth of it struck deep, warming places inside you that had been cold with fear for days.

His thumb brushed your cheek. "We'll go only when you're ready. But Rhys can help in ways I can't."

You sighed, leaning into his touch. "When did you get so persuasive?"

"Five centuries of practice," he replied, the serious line of his mouth betrayed by the warmth in his eyes.

"Fine," you conceded, unable to resist the hope he offered. "We can see Rhys. But after that, you're going to sleep for at least twelve hours."

"Is that an order?" he asked, amusement threading through his voice.

"Yes," you said firmly. "And stop with all the... the..."

"Affection?" he supplied, pressing another deliberate kiss to your cheek.

You tried to summon a glare, but a helpless laugh escaped instead. "It's disconcerting. You're supposed to be scary and brooding."

"Only to everyone else," he said with quiet sincerity. Then, as if catching himself being too earnest, he added, "Besides, this is far more effective at keeping you off-balance."

He rose gracefully, extending one scarred hand. "Breakfast first? I imagine you're hungry."

Your stomach growled in agreement, making his lips twitch with satisfaction.

As you placed your hand in his and let him help you to your feet, you felt something fundamental shift between you. The voices might return. Your power remained untamed. But for the first time since the River House, since the memories and the whispers had begun, you felt a flicker of something precious.

With Azriel looking at you as though you were the dawn after his longest night, even the darkness that had nearly consumed you seemed less absolute, less eternal.

And in the Night Court, perhaps that was the greatest victory of all.

Author's Note:

Dear wonderful readers,

I apologize for vanishing faster than memories in the Night Court! Life's been a whirlwind—juggling the whispers of the dead, a pet fish named Gregory, and a moody shadowsinger boyfriend demands more multitasking mojo than I've got.

I promise the next update won't take as long—Azriel's threatened to hunt me down with his shadows if I keep you waiting. (Who knew he'd be so invested in my storytelling? Definitely not him!)

Thank you for your patience! Now, back to stumbling over things and accidentally causing havoc.

Tag List: @songbirdpond @tothestarsandwhateverend @lovely-susie @kksbookstuff @ladycaramelswirl @gamarancianne @writtenbypavani @bubybubsters @moonlitscrolls @valyas-corner @iris-lavender @lreadsstuff @nebarious @azrielssgirl @lamimamiii @fantasydreamwalker @dallynjennasgirl @tenshis-cake @lilah-asteria @sweetsugarcoffee @fall-winter-heart97 @lovely-susie @lreadsstuff @sofi03 @songbirdpond @nico707 @justtryingtosurvive02 @yourlocalcancer @saltedcoffeescotch @thatacotargirl @happypeanutstrawberry @theverseoftheblackpearl @tele86 @highladyofhogwarts @fuckingsimp4azriel @thegoddessofnothingness @lovelyflower7777 @stressed-reader @karespocketboyfriends @lreadsstuff @yourdarkroses-blog @plants-w0rld @oldernotwiser26 @ashduv @alittlelostalittlefound-blog @adventure-awaits13 @thegoddessofnothingness @fuckingsimp4azriel @highladyofhogwarts @stainedpomegranatelips @i-am-infinite @arcticfoxxes

[azziebaddy]

Wildfire | 2

After Eris assists you through your drugging, you find yourself feeling lost and empty. What you're missing, you're not completely sure. But by the end of the week, you might have a hint.

WC: 4.2k

Warnings: Smut, piv, flirty but unsure Eris, also flirty but unsure reader lol, once again this is filthy but pretty fluffy on one side because of that bond snap heheheh

a/n: If you would like notifications for my writing, you can turn on notifications for the blog @assassinslibrary where I reblog all my fics! I do not do taglists anymore.

Part 1

The days after Eris's visit dragged. Your body felt off, as if it knew something you did not. As if you were supposed to be doing something but forgot what it was. You felt lost, even a little anxious as you went through the motions of your day-to-day.

Rhysand had given you a couple weeks off to recover from what had happened in Illyria. While the situation could have been much worse had you not gotten home before the effects of the drugs hit, the trauma and vulnerability of an attempted assault still left you uneasy. Rhys knew these feelings better than anyone, and he made sure you had some time to relax and process before returning to your work.

So, you took time for yourself. You stayed mostly in the House of Wind, leaving only to walk alongside the shops in Velaris, going in a few for a treat or coffee. You trained as normal, wrapped yourself in blankets next to the fireplace, and read some guilty-pleasure books.

But still, your body felt as if something was missing. There was a lost piece of yourself, and you don't know when that emptiness came to be.

Was this part of the healing process? Is that why you felt not quite like yourself?

Healing had never been predictable. You reminded yourself of this each day you woke up feeling different. Still, the itching under your skin to do something screamed louder and louder. It was not painful, but it nagged at you. Your rest was futile as your mind tried to track what exactly you needed.

The feeling persisted until mid-day a week after the incident. You stood in the kitchen, scouring the cupboards for a treat to sate your sweet tooth when the smell of pine, bonfire smoke, and clove hit your nose. Immediately, your muscles relaxed, shoulders sagging with relief and comfort at the scent.

When you turned toward the new presence, you found Eris standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets. Always the image of cool and collected, the male observed your movements with an almost bored indifference. Your eyes watched as the muscles in his forearms strained despite his calmness, however, revealing his hidden clenched fists.

You could almost see the gears turning in his mind. Amber eyes flickered with thoughts, almost with hesitance, and he opened his mouth to speak before closing it once again.

His nerves were showing despite his mask, and it took you aback. You had never before seen Eris as anything but composed and unaffected. And despite his presence being welcome in the room, you couldn't help but be more confused by the entire situation.

Why was Eris fidgeting in front of you? Why did that feeling inside of your chest decide to ease now?

"What are you doing here?"

Your voice barely broke through the silence, coming out as more of a soft curiosity than the normal accusatory barb between you two.

He breathed in deeply before exhaling. "I had some things to discuss with Rhysand."

You nodded slowly, a small smile creeping onto your lips. Always so mysterious...

"And now you are here," you continued, turning to grab onto some cookies on the top shelf of the cabinet. "In the kitchen of the House of Wind. It's almost as if--"

You broke off at the heat radiating at your back, the hand brushing against your own as he reached to bring the snack to your level. As your fingers gently took the packaging from his own, you waited for the sharp jab to leave his lips. Something about you being incompetent or you needing a step-stool. Instead, he stayed silent. All that could be heard was your sharp breaths and the crinkling of the plastic package under your touch.

You didn't dare look up from your hands. The entire situation made you feel as if you were in a different universe. Eris nervous, his mask slipping, his words being something other than condescending.

His gentle touch and presence, so at odds with the last time you had felt his hands on you.

The heat of his flames still tingled around your wrists if you thought back to the memory. The feeling of his lips, his teeth, against your neck. The stretch of him as he entered you, almost painful--

"Almost as if?" He questioned, voice deep in your ear as he hinted at you to continue your comment.

But you couldn't remember what you had even been thinking anyway.

You turned slowly, and Eris watched intently as your hands dropped the cookies to the side on the counter. When you met his stare finally, his gaze dark with some emotion you could not name. Your heartbeat pounded in your ears.

"Is there a reason you're here? In this kitchen?"

Soft. The words fell from your lips with in a sort of seductive whisper you had no control over. Not as the male in front of you watched your face so intently, jaw clenching and throat bobbing with a sort of restrained lust.

He must have been thinking back to the last time the two of you saw each other as well.

Eris looked down at you, his height casting a shadow across his perfect visage as his head tilted to look at you. His non-answer deflected back to you. "What a different welcome than the one I received last time."

The mention of the last time he was here -- why he was here -- had your cheeks hot with embarrassment.

Face burning, you squared your shoulders back and stood a bit taller. Still, he had more than a head of height on you, but you did not let that deter you.

"This isn't the Autumn Court, Eris. The females aren't here to welcome you with open legs each time you arrive."

His lips quirked up in amusement. "What about just one female?"

Before you could snap back at him, he was leaning forward just slightly, his hands coming to rest against the countertop at your sides.

His strong arms blocked each side of you, his large form effectively trapping you. You breathed evenly, trying to calm your heart and the irritation rising in your veins. It seemed like the longer he stood there the more his arrogance returned. You almost missed the fidgeting Eris from a moment ago.

"Is that why you're here? Back for seconds?"

Fingers inched until they grazed your hips, lightly exploring but never committing. Your eyes tracked the movement of his lips opening. The way his tongue dipped out to wet them a bit nearly had you itching to bite them.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Yes, you really would.

He chuckled at whatever he could see in your eyes. You probably looked like a fool; pulse rapid, breaths uneven, pupils dilated. The fae male could probably even smell the arousal beginning to pool between your legs.

You couldn't bring yourself to feel shame. When he removed his hands from your sides, stepping back slightly and giving you space again, you moved instinctively. Like a rubber band snapping, a string pulled too taut, you moved. Your hands reached out, fisting into his shirt. And then you were on your toes, reaching up and placing your lips directly on his.

The relief was immediate.

The shot of pleasure that shot down your spine at the contact nearly sent you reeling. And Eris must have felt the same, because his hands came to grip your waist immediately, fingers gripping you possessively and pulling you closer and closer without hesitation. The only sign of his surprise was the soft moan he let out as you crashed together.

The previous uneasiness under your skin was gone, swept away as Eris explored his way up your body. His hands moved from your waist, down to your hips, then back up your sides until he reached the nape of your neck. When he finally cupped your jaw in his hands, he took over dominating the kiss, deepening it until you felt like you could pass out.

You bit his lip, and he groaned deeply in response. You hadn't been well enough to fight him last time, to give him a taste of his own medicine. But now you were, and you wanted to both tear him to shreds and worship him for what he did to you last time.

You pulled back as quickly as you had fallen into him, instead dropping your mouth to the side of his jaw and then his neck. You nipped, biting and licking until you reached the collar of his shirt. He was removing it before the direction could reach your lips, and then you were moving again, turning and pushing him against the countertop. He hit the granite with a grunt.

Kissing a trail downward, you moved slowly. Teeth teased and nails scratched until your knees hit the floor. You watched as the male leaned back to look at you, his amber eyes filled with so much lust and longing, it almost made you choke.

Your fingers fiddled with his trousers until you could free his cock, the length and girth even more impressive in your sober state. As if the cocky male needed anything else to be arrogant about.

As you admired him, you felt his fingers brush through your hair in a gentle petting motion. It had you keening and wanting to please him. So you did exactly that.

Eyes on him, you opened your mouth and licked a stripe up the base of him. The breath he sucked in expanded his whole chest, his head tipping back in pleasure. The way his throat bobbed, his jaw clenched, and his fingers tightened in your hair had your own eyes rolling back. You wanted to give him more and more.

You needed the weight of his cock in your mouth. You felt almost feral for it. So you took him down your throat, struggling against the large size of him. The saltiness on his tip filled your senses, and you moaned around his length before beginning to move with determination.

"Fuck..."

His grunts and groans were enough to have you twisting your own hips in search of friction. But you could be patient. Especially when having Eris's come down your throat was a satisfaction and goal in itself.

You worked him as if you were working for your own orgasm, head bobbing, throat constricting, tongue licking. You wanted the male before you desperate, begging to come. The look in his eyes as he met your gaze was almost just as good. He looked utterly devastated, eyes rolling back as you gagged a bit on his size.

"Please let me fuck you," he groaned out. His fingers untangled themselves from your hair, stroking down your face to grip your jaw. "I need to be inside you."

Gods, you needed that too. But you needed his come down your throat too.

When you answered him by taking him as far down your throat as you could, he moaned loudly, both hands coming to grip your head. His restraint was unraveling, hips starting to cant and push his cock in and out of your throat on his own terms.

Your nails dug into the muscles of his thighs, moving upward to his abs and scratching all the way to his obliques. Your eyes watered at the depth of his thrusts, despite him only being able to push about half way inside due to his size.

He pumped his hips forward, fucking your mouth gently before forcefully removing you from his cock. "You're going to be the death of me."

You only smiled in response, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.

Then you were grabbing his hand -- his hand that normally dwarfed your own, that had previously wrapped around your throat and completely covered it -- and pulled him toward your bedroom.

The male followed behind wordlessly. Even more surprisingly, when you reached your bedroom, the male let you shove him down onto the bed and take full control. His shoulders fell to the mattress gracefully, and you took advantage of his position in the moment to remove the rest of his clothing.

His skin was smooth and near perfect, save for some scars from battle and from living in the Autumn Court with his dreadful family. You could only imagine how some of those came to be. Fingers moving lightly, you traced the silvery flesh.

Eris shivered beneath your touch, pulling your eyes from his body to his own. The vulnerability in the amber irises was jarring; you had never seen the Autumn male so open before. Without his usual mask of coolness, he seemed almost warm and inviting. As if he had been waiting all this time for a safe spot to rest.

That warmth simmered as you removed your own clothing. His hands twitched and his eyes traveled hungrily over your revealed skin. When he swallowed deeply, his Adam's apple bobbing with the movement, you nearly lunged at him.

His entire body radiated masculinity. You could almost feel the power coming from his body. From his muscles to the fire beneath his fingertips to the look in his eyes.

"Come here." His voice was barely above a whisper, and you couldn't tell if it was a demand or a plea. Regardless, you obeyed. Legs moved, lifting to straddle his naked form and press your weight against his.

His cock was hard beneath you, and you couldn't help your immediate reaction to grind against it. Hips circling, you leaned down and captured his soft lips with your own. He followed your lead eagerly. When your tongues brushed against one another as if in a sensual dance, your hips stuttered.

"Eris," you breathed against his lips. The noise he made in response was desperate, and you watched through lidded eyes as his hands came up to caress your face almost reverently. Fingers brushed your hair back, then he dove in for your lips again with such passion, it nearly made you dizzy.

You felt like he was consuming your entire being with just a kiss.

His fingers started to reach down, leaving your face to make their way to your core. You knew it would be easier if he used his fingers in you first. But you were impatient at this point.

Not being able to wait any longer, you lifted your hips slightly, reaching between the two of you to grasp his large length. It weighed heavy in your hand, its size intimidating and pressing so close to where you knew it could hurt.

You weren't sure how this worked last time. Assumedly, the drug that had been coursing through your veins had helped prepare you, and no doubt his fingers as well. You could only hope it was easy enough this time around.

Small hands pumped him a few times, earning a low groan muffled by your lips. Then you were notching him against your entrance, letting your wetness coat him before slowly moving down and breaching your opening.

Eris's groan covered the sound of your gasp.

He was so large; his thickness stretched you so good. You had to move slowly, inching downward with shaking limbs. Eris's fingers gripped your hips tightly in answer, both stabilizing you and trying to give himself a moment. You didn't want a moment though, you wanted him inside you -- all the way.

Patience thin, you impaled yourself down onto him. The sting was strong but you welcomed it. The feeling of him filling you completely, so deep inside you, sent your mind reeling.

Eris let out a hiss at the sudden decision, grip tightening before releasing and stroking your skin softly, as if apologizing for his strength. "Careful."

You could only whimper, hips experimentally rolling. You already felt tender, but you loved it. You wanted to feel the memory of him between your legs tomorrow. Somehow, deep in your soul, you knew that would help with the feeling of unease accompanying you lately.

"I can't help it," you moaned out.

When you lifted your hips, beginning to fuck yourself on him, you saw stars. Eris's head fell back at the feeling, a "Gods" escaping his lips like a prayer. And you wanted to bite his jawline, so prominent in his current position. His neck was right there for you to ravish, and you felt completely out of control.

You braced your hands on his chest, moving them up until they reached that pretty neck and squeezed gently.

Fuck, the grin the Autumn male displayed in response had you tightening around him.

You leveraged your position and leaned down, hips rolling with you. Your tongue trailed a path from his chest to his ear where you nipped lightly. You half expected him to throw you off him, to grab a fistful of hair, shove you down into the mattress, and fuck you silly. Instead, his hands swept over your body softly. It reminded you of the way people could use touch to see, to memorize.

He touched you like you were a piece of art he was tracing in awe.

When you released his neck, he sat up immediately, capturing your lips in a kiss. It felt as if he had been waiting from that first moment of connection to place his lips on your own. It wasn't harsh or feverish though, it was slow and absolutely desperate.

Hips moving slowly in his lap, he whimpered in your mouth. Eris. Whimpered.

Gods, that did things to you. The confident heir reduced to soft noises in your bed.

His eyes were soft when you pulled away. Sweat lined your temple at the exertion, thighs beginning to burn a bit. Eris's fingers brushed the damp hair from your face as he noticed, lashes fluttering as he took you in.

He was so pretty like this. Soft and gentle. A stark contrast to the last time you two had been in this position. It made you feel treasured and protected and confident.

"Eris," you breathed into him.

He hummed in response, lips leaving a gentle trail of kisses along your jaw. His hands were on your hips, moving your body for you as you grew tired. Back and forth, back and forth, grinding along his thick length.

"Will you fuck me?"

The question came out whiny, and he groaned upon hearing it. His head dropped between his shoulders. For a moment, his hands moved your hips faster on him.

"Yes," his voice cracked lightly. "Yes, always."

The room spun and then you were facing the ceiling, Eris hovering above you. He hadn't put you in the position you expected, with you on all fours and him behind you. Just like last time. Instead, he remained inside of you as you moved, his arms coming to cage you in and one knee lifting to open you up further for him.

Then his hips ground down.

You keened, back arching and hands grasping at his strong back. The muscled moved under your fingers as he thrust into you, slowly and then a bit faster. His hair tickled at your skin as he leaned down to lick and bite at your neck. As if he couldn't stop himself, as if he needed more.

You agreed.

"More," you begged, despite your core throbbing with him.

Eris answered in kind, hips slamming harder against you. Your words seemed to unleash the control he had on his desire. His fingers tangled into your hair and instead of tugging harshly, he crashed his lips back onto yours. His tongue forced its way into your mouth, immediately battling with yours. Teeth nipped at your lip, groans filled your mouth from his. And when his fingers of his other hand trail down to your clit, rubbing in circles with just the right amount of pressure--

"Eris!"

"Give it to me," he commanded quietly, completely taking control for the first time since you got on your knees in the kitchen.

Your core tightened to the point of pain, your toes curling and legs shaking, and when you finally felt that wave of euphoria reach its peak, tears were filling your eyes. Eris coaxed you through it with soft words, telling you how good you were, how amazing you make him feel, how well you take him and come for him.

It only made the pleasure stronger. Tears leaked from your eyes squeezing shut, and your whole body was so tense you were sure you were hurting him.

But he only groaned at the feeling. His fingers kept moving, helping you through the entirety of your orgasm even as he chased his own. Hips stuttered, beginning to lose their rhythm. And when your body finally relaxed, he bent and bit down gently where your neck meets your shoulder.

The position muffled his moans, but your eyes rolled back at the sound nonetheless. His hands moved to pin your wrists by your head, fingers weaving into your own, and then his body was tense, heat filling you from the inside as he released.

His large body, slick with sweat and sex, hovered above you like both a predator and protector. It was a feeling you had never experienced; not quite like this, at least.

When Eris pulled away, you laid limp, trying to catch your breath. Your ears were still ringing, sight a bit blurry from the strength of your orgasm. But you felt as he pushed your knees to your chest, once again taking the time to look at the mess he'd made.

His voice was tired and low when he spoke. "I'll never get over this."

Kisses were placed on the inside of your thighs. It felt like a thanks in some way. Despite this being a mutually beneficial act.

When his lips neared your center, his hot breath made you clench. Gods, you wanted him again, but you knew you'd hurt.

"Next time, I'm tasting you."

It was gravelly, the way he spoke against your most private part. The raspiness in his debauched tone sending shivers down your spine. Next time. And when his finger came up to push his spend back inside of you, you gasped, fingers clenching against the sheet and seeking some sort of stability as he entered you again.

"You're okay," he cooed. He wasn't mocking you this time though. Just reassuring you that he won't go too far. That he won't push against any boundaries you can't handle.

When Eris reappeared in your line of sight, he seemed more hesitant. Like now that the act of sex was finished, he was out of his comfort zone. So opposite from most people.

He sat on the bed next to you, and you took the moment to rest and admire his body. He was gorgeous. His dark auburn hair waved against his head messily, his strong and muscular back rippling under the red marks from your nails.

Warm eyes met your own, and somehow after all of that, fire still sparked within them. "Enjoying the view?"

You couldn't help it -- you laughed. A genuine, happy laugh. "I think you can tell that I very much enjoy the view."

He cracked a smile of his own, as if he couldn't control the lightness in the air either. It only spread further as he watched you giggle a bit at the absurdity of his question.

"Yeah, well... I can't say I don't enjoy it too."

He stood slowly, stretching a bit before bending to retrieve his clothing from where it fell. Even the way he put his shirt on was hot.

"Eris?" You asked, and nerves filled you as suddenly as the words left your mouth. You didn't know what was going on between the two of you. For him, this was probably nothing more than sex. But you couldn't ignore the way you felt calm for the first time in weeks. Or the inexplicable pull you felt toward the male.

"Hm?" He hummed, looking over his shoulder as he continued dressing.

"You can visit whenever. You know that, right?"

That deadly smirk. "Is that an open invitation, little fox?"

"If you want it to be."

There. It was out in the open. You'd like to see him again. What he wanted to do with that information, or interpret it as, was up to him.

Eris was quiet for a moment, and you fidgetted. "Autumn also might be nice to visit. I'm sure you'd throw me out--"

His voice cut in harshly, "No. You can't come to Autumn."

He turned, now fully clothed, and you tried to hide the shock in your features at his tone. "Okay... No Autumn then."

"I-" A hand ran through his messy hair. "I'll come back. I have more to discuss with Rhysand anyway."

You nodded, unsure of yourself and the motives of the male in front of you.

"I'll see you soon then."

With a rare soft look over your face, one that leaves a confusing bit of hope in your chest (for what, you're not even sure), he steps back and toward your door.

"Soon," he repeats.

Then, for the second time in the last few weeks, you're left naked in your bed, completely sated and confused by Eris Vanserra.

[azziebaddy]

Part 10: Golden, At Last

Author’s Warning: This is the final chapter. Prepare your tissues, your emotional support bunny, and possibly your will to live. Enjoy, and sob responsibly. 🖤🐇🔥 Pairing: Azriel x F!Reader

Genre: angst, romcom, humor, fish out of water reader, canon (ish)

Summary: Murdered after a late-night study session in the modern world, you awaken in Prythian—still yourself, but with Fae features and the infamous title of Beron’s cold-hearted and ruthless daughter.

Then, fate snaps the mating bond into place between you and the shadowsinger, Azriel—who rejects it so fiercely, even the magic recoils.

You died a healer. You woke up a villain. Now fate’s mated you to who wants nothing to do with either—you’ll prove them all wrong, one heartbeat at a time.

Between Two Fires - Masterlist

The crown of the High Lady rested on a velvet cushion beside your bed, a physical manifestation of power that needed no adornment.

Unlike Beron's flame circlet, your crown was simpler.

Twisted copper branches studded with amber gemstones that glowed with inner fire. You hadn't worn it since the coronation three days ago.

You stood at the window of what had once been Beron's chambers, now yours by right of power and blood.

The Autumn Court stretched before you, eternal flames painting the landscape in crimson and gold.

Beautiful, undeniably. But was it home?

The bond within you remained muted but present, a dull ache where once golden light had flowed. You'd tried to sever it completely, but some connections transcended even the strongest will.

Ember and Sizzle materialized on your desk, their tiny flame forms nudging a stack of reports toward you: diplomatic communications from other courts, updates on rebel strongholds, casualty counts from skirmishes still flaring at the borders.

"Later," you told them, turning back to the window. "I need a minute to process... everything."

A knock interrupted your thoughts.

"Enter," you called, straightening your shoulders.

Eris stepped inside, his injuries from Beron's torture still evident in the careful way he moved. His face bore half-healed cuts, but his eyes were sharp, alert.

"The Dawn Court delegation has arrived," he said without preamble. "Thesan came personally."

Your heart stuttered. "I thought they weren't expected until tomorrow."

"Apparently Dawn Court operates on its own schedule," Eris replied dryly. "And... there's another report about the shadowsinger."

You didn't need to ask.

The guards had been bringing reports for days about Azriel's presence at the borders of your territories, watching, waiting, sending shadows to gather information about your wellbeing.

"What is it this time?" you asked, trying to keep your voice neutral and failing miserably.

"He's made camp at the western border," Eris said, studying your reaction. "The guards say he looks... haggard. Like he hasn't slept in days."

The bond twisted painfully at the information, a golden thread pulling taut beneath your breastbone. You'd left his charm behind in Velaris, deliberately creating distance between you. But the connection remained, a constant awareness that transcended physical tokens.

"Tell the guards to maintain the perimeter," you said, the words costing you. "No entry without my express permission."

"This is the fifth day," Eris noted, no judgment in his tone, merely observation. "How long will you keep him at the borders?"

"As long as necessary," you replied, turning back to the window. "I have a court to stabilize. Rebels to pacify. I can't afford distractions."

Eris made a noncommittal sound that somehow conveyed disbelief without directly challenging you. "The eastern rebellions have been contained," he reported, changing the subject. "Lucien's efforts have been... surprisingly effective."

Lucien had left the Night Court temporarily to help after Beron's death, his diplomatic skills honed through years of navigating complex political landscapes proving invaluable in bringing rebel factions to the negotiating table.

"He has a talent for mediation," you agreed.

"And for avoiding topics that need addressing," Eris added pointedly. "Like your apparent disinterest in actually ruling the court you now control."

You bristled at the accusation. "I've attended every council meeting. Signed every decree."

"With the enthusiasm of someone awaiting execution," Eris countered, his gaze unwavering. "The court needs more than a figurehead, sister. It needs a leader."

"I'm doing my best," you said finally, the admission costing you.

Eris's expression softened fractionally. "I know. But we need to decide what happens next. The court is stabilizing, but your... reluctance... creates uncertainty."

Before you could respond, another knock came, this one lighter, more musical somehow.

"That will be Thesan," Eris said, moving toward the door. "Shall I tell him you're indisposed?"

You straightened your informal robe, wishing you'd worn something more appropriate for receiving a High Lord. "No, I'll see him. Just... give me a moment."

Eris nodded and departed, leaving you alone to collect yourself. You moved to the small mirror, assessing your appearance with critical eyes. The High Lady of Autumn looked back at you, familiar features that still sometimes surprised you, golden light occasionally pulsing beneath your skin when emotions ran high.

Who was she, really? The cruel Lady of Autumn from before? The human nurse whose body lay in a hospital bed? Or someone new entirely, forged in the crucible of trauma and healing, of two worlds colliding within one soul?

You had no answer yet, but the question itself felt important, a compass pointing toward something true.

Thesan entered with the quiet grace characteristic of Dawn Court, his copper-gold skin catching the flame-light from nearby sconces.

"High Lady," he greeted, bowing slightly. "Forgive the unexpected visit. The roads were clearer than anticipated."

"High Lord Thesan," you replied, inclining your head in return. "Dawn Court is always welcome in Autumn territories."

His smile was genuine as he straightened, eyes taking in your informal attire and the scattered reports on your desk with knowing sympathy. "The early days of leadership are always overwhelming," he observed, no judgment in his tone. "Even when the transition is more... conventional... than yours was."

You gestured to the sitting area near the hearth where flames danced in ever-changing patterns. "Please, join me. I can offer refreshment if you'd like."

"Just your company is refreshment enough," Thesan replied, settling into one of the copper-inlaid chairs. "My court has been following your progress with great interest. The reforms you've implemented in just a few months, quite remarkable."

"Necessity more than vision," you admitted, taking the seat opposite him. "Beron's approach was unsustainable."

"Perhaps," Thesan acknowledged. "But identifying necessity and acting upon it, that is leadership, whether you recognize it as such or not."

Something in his tone, in the quiet confidence of his assessment, eased a tension you hadn't realized you'd been carrying. Unlike Eris's pointed observations or the court's watchful speculation, Thesan's words carried no agenda beyond recognition of shared experience.

"How did you know?" you asked, the question emerging before you could consider its wisdom. "When you first became High Lord, how did you know you were making the right choices?"

Thesan's expression turned thoughtful, fingers absently tracing the copper inlay on his chair's arm. "I didn't," he admitted candidly. "No one does, not really. We act based on the best information available, guided by whatever moral compass we possess, and hope the consequences align with our intentions."

"That's... not especially reassuring," you replied, a hint of your former human humor surfacing despite the gravity of the conversation.

He laughed, the sound warm and unexpected. "No, I suppose it's not. But it is honest. And honesty has been in short supply in Prythian's courts for far too long."

The flames in the hearth danced higher, responding to your emotional state without conscious direction. You'd been working on control, but moments of genuine connection still triggered your power in ways you couldn't always predict.

"May I speak freely?" Thesan asked, his gaze following the flame patterns with understanding rather than concern.

"Of course."

"The shadowsinger at your borders," he began, careful but direct. "His presence creates... speculation... among the other courts."

You tensed, the bond flaring briefly beneath your skin. "Azriel's actions aren't my responsibility."

"No," Thesan agreed. "But they are connected to you nonetheless. The mating bond between you is evident to those with eyes to see such things."

Your hands fisted in your lap, knuckles whitening. "I have responsibilities now. A court to rebuild. People who depend on me. I can't allow personal attachments to interfere with duty."

"An admirable position," Thesan acknowledged. "And yet... in my experience, denying such connections rarely results in greater clarity or focus. Quite the opposite, in fact."

"What are you suggesting?" you asked, though you already knew the answer.

"Speak with him," Thesan said simply. "Not as High Lady to shadowsinger, but as yourself, whoever that may be now, to one who sees you clearly across that divide."

The bond pulsed at his words, golden warmth briefly spreading through your chest before retreating to that muted, distant ache. "It's not that simple."

"Few worthwhile things are," Thesan replied, rising with fluid grace. "But consider this, I have witnessed dynasties rise and fall, courts evolve and dissolve, power exchange hands countless times. The one consistent truth I've observed is that those who lead from connection rather than isolation ultimately create more lasting change."

He moved toward the window, gazing out at the eternal autumn that painted your territories. "Your court reflects you, whether you intend it or not. If you remain divided within yourself, so too will your lands, your people."

The insight struck with uncomfortable precision, naming what you'd felt but couldn't articulate, the sense of operating half-present, caught between worlds, between identities, between paths diverging before you.

"I'm still figuring out who I am in all this," you admitted, the confession easier with this High Lord who radiated compassionate understanding rather than political calculation. "Human nurse or High Lady of Autumn. Both seem equally impossible and equally real."

Thesan turned from the window, copper eyes gentle but direct. "Perhaps that's your strength, not your weakness. The ability to see from both perspectives, to bring human compassion to Fae politics, to recognize that power need not corrupt if wielded with awareness of its cost."

The words settled deep, a truth you'd sensed but hadn't fully claimed. Your hands unclenched in your lap, flames in the hearth settling to steadier patterns that reflected growing calm within.

"Thank you," you said simply. "For seeing me. The real me, whoever that turns out to be."

"Dawn Court specializes in transitions," he replied with a small smile. "In the spaces between darkness and light, between what was and what might be. Your path is uniquely your own, but not one you must walk in isolation."

Before you could respond, another knock interrupted. A guard entered, bowing deeply. "Forgive the intrusion, High Lady, High Lord. Reports from the western border require immediate attention."

Your heart skipped. "What's happened?"

"The shadowsinger, my lady," the guard reported, keeping his eyes respectfully lowered. "He's... well, he appears to be constructing something. Our scouts report it resembles the beginning of a small dwelling."

The bond flared painfully at the information. A dwelling. A cabin. The dream you'd shared of a place between mountains, with windows facing sunrise and a porch for watching storms.

"Is he within our borders?" you asked, voice carefully controlled.

"No, my lady. He remains just beyond the boundary, in unclaimed territory. But his presence has drawn attention from neighboring courts. The Summer Court has sent observers."

Thesan exchanged a glance with you, understanding passing between you without words. The political implications of Azriel's actions extended beyond personal connection, creating potential complications you couldn't ignore regardless of your feelings.

"Thank you," you told the guard. "Double the patrols but maintain distance. No engagement without my direct order."

After the guard departed, Thesan moved toward the door. "I've taken enough of your time," he said. "But consider what we've discussed. True strength sometimes lies in acknowledging connection rather than severing it."

"You've given me much to think about," you acknowledged, rising to escort him properly. "Dawn Court's wisdom is appreciated in Autumn territories."

His smile warmed. "We are neighbors, after all. And I, for one, am pleased with the changes in leadership at our borders." He hesitated at the threshold, then added, "Should you need neutral ground for any... conversations... you might wish to have, Dawn Court stands ready to offer sanctuary."

The offer hung between you, significant in its generosity, in its recognition of both your official position and your personal dilemma.

"Thank you," you said again, meaning it more deeply than the simple phrase could convey.

The night terrors started three weeks before Winter Solstice.

You woke screaming, sheets twisted around your limbs, fire erupting from your fingertips to scorch the bedding. Guards burst through your chamber doors, weapons drawn against invisible threats, only to find you alone, trembling, sweat-soaked and wild-eyed.

Night after night, the pattern repeated.

Images haunted your sleep.

Cold stone corridors, hands pinning you down, laughter echoing off walls, pain beyond bearing.

"You need to speak with someone," Lucien insisted after the fifth consecutive night of screams that echoed through the palace corridors. He had returned to the Autumn Court temporarily, taking leave from his position in the Night Court to help stabilize territories in rebellion. "This isn't normal exhaustion or stress."

You sat in your private sitting room, a blanket wrapped around your shoulders despite the fire blazing in the hearth. You couldn't seem to get warm, the chill settled bone-deep regardless of external heat.

"I'm fine," you insisted, the lie transparent even to your own ears. "Just court pressures manifesting in dreams."

"Lies don't become a High Lady," Eris commented from the doorway, his entrance silent as always. He studied you with calculating precision, missing nothing. "Particularly not when they're this poorly constructed."

You hadn't invited him to this conversation, but you lacked the energy to send him away. "What do you want, Eris?"

"Answers," he replied simply, crossing to pour himself a measure of wine. "The entire court is whispering about their High Lady's nocturnal disturbances. Some suggest madness. Others, possession."

"And what do you suggest?" you asked, exhaustion making the words sharper than intended.

Eris settled into the chair opposite yours, swirling the wine thoughtfully. "I suggest you're remembering."

The simple statement hung in the air between you, heavy with implication. Lucien shifted uncomfortably, his mechanical eye whirring faster as it darted between you and Eris.

"Remembering what?" you asked, though dread pooled in your stomach, a certainty you weren't prepared to face.

"The Winter Court corridor," Eris replied, his voice gentler than you'd ever heard it. "The night your soul shattered."

Cold swept through you, so intense you gasped with it. The fire in the hearth dimmed, responding to your instinctive retreat from heat, from flame, from sensation itself.

"I don't know what you're talking about," you insisted, but your voice trembled, betraying the lie.

"You do," Eris countered, setting his wine aside untouched. "You've carried the memories since returning to this body, but they were dormant, disconnected, until recently."

Lucien moved to stoke the fire, avoiding your gaze. His discomfort was palpable, confirming what you already suspected. He knew what Eris was referencing. He'd known all along.

"What changed?" you asked, the question directed to neither brother specifically, perhaps not even to them at all. "Why remember now?"

"The Winter Court emissaries," Lucien supplied reluctantly, still focused on the flames rather than your face. "They arrive tomorrow for pre-Solstice negotiations."

Horror washed through you in a nauseating wave. "Winter Court," you repeated, the words ashen in your mouth. "Here. In Autumn territory."

"Diplomatic necessity," Eris confirmed, watching your reaction closely. "The first official delegation since before Beron's death."

A memory flashed, unbidden. Pale hands against your skin, frost magic creeping through your veins, voices whispering terrible promises while you struggled against restraints both physical and magical.

"No," you said, the word emerging as a plea. "I can't, I won't see them."

"You must," Eris replied, no cruelty in his tone, only cold realism. "You're High Lady now. Diplomatic relations cannot be avoided based on personal history, no matter how... significant."

"Personal history," you echoed, a hollow laugh escaping you. "Is that what we're calling it? Thirteen nobles. My soul literally torn in half. Just 'personal history'?"

Lucien flinched at your words, finally turning to face you. "We didn't know," he said, voice rough with what might have been guilt. "Not until later. Not until it was too late."

Another memory surfaced. A palace guard finding you at the border, body broken beyond recognition, frost magic still lingering in your veins. The guard's horror, his hesitation, his eventual decision to bring you back rather than leave you to die. The bitter knowledge that nothing could be done, no justice sought, not without risking open war with Winter.

You rose abruptly, blanket sliding from your shoulders. The cold had vanished, replaced by rage that burned hotter than any Autumn flames.

"Who were they?" you demanded, each word precise despite the fury coursing through you. "I want names. All thirteen."

The brothers exchanged a glance laden with centuries of silent communication, of shared survival beneath Beron's rule.

"Most are already dead," Eris finally said. "The war with Hybern claimed several. Others fell during earlier conflicts."

"How many remain?" you pressed, fire dancing at your fingertips unbidden.

"Two," Lucien answered reluctantly. "Lord Heatherson and Lord Gaius."

"Lord Kieraven was the leader," Eris added, his voice hard. "But Azriel killed him during the war with Hybern. The shadowsinger selected him specifically from the battlefield, though none knew why at the time."

A chill ran down your spine at this revelation. Had Azriel somehow known? Had his shadows whispered secrets about the male who had orchestrated your suffering?

"And are they among the delegation arriving tomorrow?" you asked, already knowing the answer.

"Both of them," Eris confirmed, watching your reaction with calculating eyes. "As Kallias's appointed representatives."

Your knees buckled. You sank back into your chair, trembling returning despite your efforts at control.

"I can't face them," you whispered, the admission costing you. "Not yet. Not while these memories are still fragmentary."

"You must," Eris insisted, leaning forward. "Not just as High Lady fulfilling diplomatic obligations, but as yourself, the self you were before, the self you're becoming again."

"Why?" you challenged, tears threatening.

"Because some wounds don't heal until the blade is removed," he replied, surprising you with unexpected wisdom. "Because your soul will never be whole while pieces of it remain lost in darkness."

Silence fell between you, heavy with implication, with possibility both terrible and necessary.

"I'll be with you," Lucien offered unexpectedly, his voice firm despite the discomfort evident in his posture. "Every moment. They won't have access to you without witnesses."

"As will I," Eris added, something approaching protectiveness in his tone. "The time for allowing Winter Court transgressions has passed. Beron may have valued politics over family, but we do not."

The declaration, spoken with such certainty, broke something open inside you. These brothers, complicated, difficult, damaged in their own ways, were offering something you'd never experienced from them before: unequivocal support, protection without condition or expectation.

"Family," you whispered, testing the word, its weight, its truth.

"Vanserra Siblings," Eris confirmed, no hesitation in his voice. "Whatever came before, whatever may come after, that much remains constant."

You nodded once, decision crystallizing. "I'll meet the delegation. I'll face Heatherson and Gaius." Resolve hardened your voice, straightened your spine. "But on my terms, in my court, with my power."

"As is your right," Eris agreed, satisfaction evident in his expression. "High Lady."

The title no longer felt foreign, no longer sat uncomfortably on your shoulders. It felt like armor, like identity, like the person you had been and were becoming again.

That night, after leaving your brothers, you made a decision. Before you could face the Winter Court delegation, there was something else you needed to do. Someone else you needed to see, even if just from a distance.

You donned a simple, dark cloak, evading the palace guards with ease born of centuries living in these halls. The night embraced you as you slipped beyond the castle walls, magic carrying you swiftly toward the western border.

The bond in your chest pulled stronger with each mile, the carefully constructed barriers weakening with proximity. You followed that golden thread through forest and field, until finally, you stood at the edge of Autumn Court territory.

And there he was.

Azriel.

Your breath caught at the sight of him. He sat before a small fire, his wings folded tight against his back, shadows swirling restlessly around him. Even from this distance, you could see the changes in him. His face was gaunt, cheekbones sharper than before, as if he hadn't eaten properly in weeks. Dark circles shadowed his eyes, testifying to sleepless nights.

Before him, the foundation of a cabin was taking shape, stone by stone. Windows positioned to catch the sunrise, just as you'd dreamed. A porch that would someday face the storms rolling across mountains. A home built by hand rather than magic, each stone placed with deliberate care, with hope, with patience.

The bond throbbed painfully in your chest, golden light briefly illuminating your hands before you forced it down again. You took a step forward, drawn by something beyond conscious thought, beyond reason.

Azriel's head snapped up suddenly, as if sensing your presence. His shadows froze, then surged forward, testing the air, seeking confirmation of what his instincts already knew.

You retreated behind a tree, heart pounding. His face in that brief moment of awareness had been transformed, hope and longing replacing exhaustion in an instant. It would be so easy to reveal yourself, to cross that border, to let the bond between you flare back to full strength.

But you couldn't. Not yet. Perhaps not ever.

As long as your human body lay in that hospital bed, as long as part of you longed for a world beyond Prythian, you couldn't give Azriel what he deserved.

A mate fully present, fully committed, fully his.

With a final glance at the cabin rising stone by stone, you turned away, tears streaking silently down your face. The bond protested, a physical pain in your chest that echoed with each step back toward your court, your responsibilities, your throne.

Tomorrow you would face the Winter Court delegation. Tomorrow you would confront those who had shattered your soul. But tonight, you allowed yourself to mourn what might have been, what still might be, if only the worlds would align, if only your fractured self could become whole again.

The Winter Court delegation arrived precisely at midday, when Autumn Court's eternal sunlight blazed at its brightest, a deliberate choice that didn't escape your notice. Winter Court preferred twilight and dawn, times when light and darkness balanced. By forcing them to arrive at noon, you established dominance from the first moment.

You sat upon your copper throne, crown gleaming with inner fire, as the delegation entered the great hall. Eris stood at your right hand, Lucien at your left, both brothers radiating cold vigilance despite the formal occasion.

Lord Heatherson entered first, his pale skin almost translucent under autumn light, veins like blue shadows beneath the surface. Lord Gaius followed, silver-white hair bound in traditional Winter Court braids, his steps deliberate and measured.

Your breath caught in your throat as they approached, memories threatening to overwhelm you. Cold hands. Cruel laughter. Pain beyond endurance.

"High Lady," Heatherson greeted, bowing with precise formality. "Winter Court brings greetings and congratulations on your ascension."

"Indeed," Gaius added, his voice as brittle as his name suggested. "Your coronation marks a new chapter in relations between our courts."

You studied them, these males who had once torn your body apart, who had fractured your very soul. They showed no recognition, no awareness that you might remember. To them, this was merely diplomacy, politics as usual.

"Winter Court is welcome in Autumn territories," you replied, the formal words tasting like ash in your mouth. "So long as all agreements are honored."

The diplomatic discussions began, trade routes and border policies debated with careful precision. You participated with cool detachment, signing what needed signing, agreeing where agreement served your court's interests.

Through it all, the memories simmered beneath the surface, threatening to break through at any moment. Lucien noticed your tension, his hand occasionally brushing yours in silent support. Eris watched the Winter Court representatives with predatory intensity, missing nothing, cataloging every reaction for future reference.

As the formal negotiations concluded, Lord Heatherson requested a private audience "to discuss matters of historical significance between our courts."

The implication was clear, a discussion of past grievances, policies established under Beron's reign.

"Of course," you agreed, your voice steady despite the rage building beneath your calm exterior. "My brothers will join us, as is tradition when discussing matters of historical record."

Disappointment flickered across Heatherson's face, so brief you might have missed it if you hadn't been watching carefully. "As you wish, High Lady."

You led them to a smaller council chamber, where wine had been prepared in advance. As the Winter Court representatives sipped from copper goblets, Lucien engaged them in conversation about border policies, his diplomatic skills creating a facade of normalcy.

But something had changed in the atmosphere.

Tension crackled beneath the polite exchanges, a current of awareness building with each passing moment. You could feel it, the sense of a trap about to spring, though who had set it remained unclear.

"I must say," Lord Gaius remarked, swirling his wine thoughtfully, "you seem remarkably... different... from when we last encountered you, High Lady."

The words hung in the air like an icicle about to fall. Eris tensed beside you, his hand drifting casually to the knife at his belt.

"Different how, Lord Gaius?" you asked, voice deceptively mild.

"More controlled," he replied, his eyes never leaving yours. "More... present. As if pieces of you that were once missing have been returned."

The deliberate provocation sent ice through your veins. He knew. They both knew. This wasn't diplomatic small talk; this was calculated testing of boundaries, of memory, of power.

Lucien's control snapped first. "How dare you," he snarled, his mechanical eye whirring furiously as he set his goblet down with enough force to slosh wine across the table. "How dare you stand in our court, drink our wine, and make such insinuations?"

"Insinuations?" Heatherson's face arranged itself into a mask of innocent confusion. "I believe Lord Gaius was merely complimenting the High Lady's composure."

"We all know what you meant," Eris said coldly, his voice all the more threatening for its quietness. "Just as we all know what happened two centuries ago."

The temperature in the room dropped several degrees as both Winter Court nobles froze, composure briefly cracking before masks slid back into place.

"I'm afraid I don't recall any significant events from that time," Gaius said carefully, but his eyes betrayed him, darting nervously between you and your brothers.

"Don't you?" You finally spoke, rising from your chair with deliberate grace. Fire danced at your fingertips, responding to your emotions without conscious summoning. "Thirteen nobles. A female bound with frost magic. Hours of torture. Does none of this sound familiar, Lord Gaius?"

Heatherson's face drained of what little color it possessed. "High Lady, these accusations—"

"Are not accusations," you interrupted, your voice calm despite the inferno building inside you. "They are statements of fact. Facts we all know to be true, though some have spent centuries pretending otherwise."

Power flowed from you in waves, the High Lady's magic responding to your righteous fury. The fires in the wall sconces blazed higher, shadows dancing across the faces of males who had once believed themselves untouchable.

"What happened that night was a diplomatic incident," Gaius said, his voice betraying a tremor despite his attempt at composure. "One that both courts agreed to put behind them."

"Both courts?" Lucien echoed, incredulity and rage making his voice shake. "You mean Beron agreed to silence in exchange for continued alliance. The victim was never consulted."

"The victim?" Heatherson's laugh was brittle. "You speak as if she remembers. As if part of her didn't flee that very night, leaving behind a shell we simply... helped reshape."

The casual cruelty of his words, the dismissal of your suffering, the pride still evident in his tone—it was enough.

More than enough.

"I remember everything," you said, each word precise and heavy with power. "Every hand. Every voice. Every moment."

Golden light flared beneath your skin, the High Lady's magic merging with the bond, with your human consciousness, with the part of your soul that had fractured and fled. For the first time since your coronation, you felt truly whole—human compassion and Fae power united in perfect clarity.

"High Lady," Heatherson began, rising from his chair, fear evident now. "Perhaps we should return to diplomatic matters—"

"This is diplomatic," you replied, flames now wreathing your hands in controlled, deadly beauty. "I am informing Winter Court representatives of new policy regarding those who harm Autumn Court citizens."

With a gesture, fire encircled the chamber, cutting off any escape. Not attacking, not yet, but a demonstration of power, of control, of boundaries that would no longer be crossed.

"You can't do this," Gaius protested, frost magic gathering defensively around his fingertips. "This violates every diplomatic protection—"

"As you violated me?" Your voice remained steady, though the fires burned hotter. "As you violated the most basic tenets of decency, of honor?"

"That was different," Heatherson insisted, backing away as flames licked closer. "That was politics. That was—"

"That was rape," Lucien said, the word dropping into the room like a stone into still water. "That was torture. That was an act of war disguised as politics."

Silence fell, heavy with centuries of unspoken truth finally given voice.

"Here is the new policy of the Autumn Court," you announced, your power filling the room until the very air shimmered with heat. "Those who harm our citizens answer with blood and bone. Those who tortured their High Lady answer with their lives."

Gaius made a desperate move, frost magic surging toward you in a futile attempt at self-preservation. The ice melted before it reached you, evaporating in the heat of your rage.

"High Lady, please—" Heatherson began, but it was far too late for pleas.

"I, as High Lady of the Autumn Court, find you guilty of crimes against this court, against its lady, against its future," you declared, the formal words binding, irrevocable. "The sentence is death."

Fire answered your command, precise and purposeful. It did not burn wildly or cause unnecessary suffering. It simply consumed, reducing the two Winter Court nobles to ash where they stood, their screams brief before silence fell once more.

As the flames receded, Eris moved to your side, assessing you with new respect in his eyes. "What of Winter Court? They will demand explanation."

"They will receive one," you replied, your voice calm as the fire within you settled to embers. "The full truth, documented and witnessed, will be sent to Kallias. He may choose war if he wishes, but I suspect once he knows what his nobles did in Winter's name, he will choose justice instead."

Lucien's mechanical eye whirred as he studied the piles of ash. "And if he doesn't?"

"Then Autumn Court stands ready," you said, turning toward the door. "We will no longer sacrifice our own to maintain false peace."

As you walked from the chamber, power still humming beneath your skin, you felt lighter than you had in weeks. The memories remained, the pain not erased, but facing those who had hurt you, delivering justice long delayed—it had changed something fundamental within you.

For the first time since your coronation, since waking in this world, you felt not torn between identities but unified. Human compassion and Fae power, merged into something new, something stronger.

That night, standing on your balcony, you gazed westward once more.

The vial of Ash Tea rolling between your fingers. The dark liquid caught the amber light of the setting sun, its potent magic a silent promise of temporary peace.

The tiny pinpoint of Azriel's fire still burned at the border, a beacon in darkness. The cabin would continue rising, stone by stone, window by window.

And perhaps, when you were truly ready, when your court was secured, when your soul was fully healed—perhaps then you would cross that border. Perhaps then you would let the bond flare to full strength once more.

But for now, you had a court to rule. Justice to deliver. A future to build, brick by brick, just as he built that cabin stone by stone.

For now, that was enough.

The wind whispered through the pines like it knew you wouldn't stay, mourning before you spoke a word.

You stood at the threshold between Autumn territory and unclaimed land, taking in the cabin Azriel had built with his own hands. It was more beautiful than you had imagined - sturdy logs fitted perfectly together, a welcoming porch wrapping around one side, windows gleaming in the afternoon light.

Azriel appeared at the doorway, shadows twisting anxiously before settling around his shoulders. When he saw you, hope flared in those ancient eyes - too much hope, a brightness that would only make the darkness to come more devastating.

"You came," he said, voice rough from disuse. His shadows stretched toward you before he pulled them back, a habit of restraint he couldn't break even now.

"I wanted to see it," you replied, gesturing to the cabin.

"I thought—" he hesitated, shadows twitching, "—maybe you were ready to come home." The fragile hope in his voice made your heart splinter.

You couldn't meet his eyes. "It's exactly as you described."

He stepped onto the porch, movements careful, measured. "Windows facing east," he confirmed, a tentative smile touching his lips. "For the sunrise."

"And the porch for watching thunderstorms roll across the mountains," you added, remembering your conversation from what felt like a lifetime ago.

You followed him inside. The interior was simple but beautiful - pine furniture he must have crafted himself, a fireplace of river stones, bookshelves already filled with volumes. A home built for two, with every corner yearning for a presence it had never known.

You turned to face him fully. "I know the whole truth now," you said. "About what happened in Winter Court. About why my soul fractured."

His face softened with understanding. "Your memories returned?"

"Not all of them," you admitted. "But enough. Enough to understand why part of me fled to another world, why I woke up in a hospital bed with a family who'd never heard of Prythian."

Azriel moved to the window, looking out at the mountains. "You were too gentle for what was done to you," he said. "Too kind for the cruelty they inflicted."

"I was broken," you acknowledged. "And now I'm whole again. But I still have to choose."

He turned back to you, and something in your face must have given it away. The shadows around him stilled completely.

"That's why you're really here, isn't it?" he asked softly. "Not just to see the cabin."

"I had to come," you said. "To say goodbye properly."

The light in his eyes dimmed. "Goodbye?"

The bond between you didn't just throb—it screamed, a golden cord pulled taut enough to snap, singing with the agony of a love denied.

"I've made my decision," you forced yourself to say. "I'm going back. Back to my world."

"Of course," he said softly, staring past you. "Why would you stay?" You opened your mouth to speak, but he shook his head, a bitter smile tugging at his lips. "Don't lie to make it easier."

"Azriel—"

"Was it ever real?" he asked suddenly, voice breaking. "Any of it? Or was it just the bond?"

The question hung between you, raw and bleeding. The hearth looked cold despite the fire. The books seemed too untouched. The walls too thin to hold the ache left behind.

Instead of answering, you crossed the distance between you. After a moment's hesitation, you wrapped your arms around him.

He remained still, unyielding, before slowly, painfully embracing you in return. His arms encircled you with restrained strength, as if afraid you might shatter. The bond between you wailed in golden agony as his wings folded around you both, creating a sanctuary of shadow and starlight.

"I understand," he whispered against your hair, his voice breaking. "If it brings you happiness, I would never stand in your way."

Tears spilled down your cheeks as you clung to him. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." His arms tightened, memorizing the feel of you. "These moments with you have been worth centuries of solitude."

You felt tears dampen your hair as he pressed his lips to your crown.

"I love you," he confessed, the words torn from somewhere deep and vulnerable. "I've existed for five hundred years, but I only began living when I found you."

A sob escaped you, muffled against his chest. He smelled of night-chilled stone and cedar, of safety and sacrifice.

"I'll wait for you," he promised, voice thick with emotion. "If there's even the slightest chance you might return... I'll wait centuries more."

His scarred fingers tilted your chin up, hazel eyes memorizing every detail of your face. "The cabin will remain. This life I've built will remain. Whether you return tomorrow or in a thousand years."

You reached up, brushing tears from his beautiful face. "Live for yourself, Azriel. That's all I ask."

"I will try," he whispered. "But part of me will always be yours."

You stayed locked in each other's arms as the sun began to set, casting the valley in amber light that matched the golden bond pulsing between you. Neither willing to be the first to let go, to end what might be your last embrace.

"Be happy," he murmured against your temple. "That's all I've ever wanted for you."

When you finally pulled away, both your faces were streaked with tears. He let his wings unfold reluctantly, the cold rushing in where his warmth had been.

You turned away as he whispered your name like a prayer he'd never say again. The door didn't close behind you. Neither of you had the strength to end it.

Beeping.

That's the first thing you notice. A steady, mechanical rhythm cutting through darkness.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Your eyelids feel impossibly heavy. Your mouth is dry, with something hard and plastic between your lips. A tube. You can't speak.

With monumental effort, you crack your eyes open. Fluorescent lights, harsh and clinical, burn your retinas.

White walls. Machines with glowing numbers and lines.

"Oh my god." A familiar voice breaks through the fog. Your aunt. "She moved! Doctor! Nurse! Someone!"

Hurried footsteps approach as her face appears above you – lined with exhaustion and hope. Tears immediately well in her bloodshot eyes.

"You're back," she whispers, clutching your unresponsive hand. "You're really back."

More faces appear. A doctor in a white coat. A nurse adjusting something on the machines. They speak in quick, clinical bursts.

"...unexpected return to consciousness..."

"...extraordinary after this duration..."

"...need to run tests immediately..."

The breathing tube is carefully removed, leaving your throat raw and aching. Someone holds a straw to your lips, and you take a small sip of water.

"Can you hear me?" the doctor asks, shining a light in your eyes. "Can you blink once for yes?"

You manage a slow, deliberate blink.

Your fingers unconsciously reach for your chest, seeking something that should be there. A warmth. A pulse of gold beneath your skin. Nothing. Just the steady beat of your ordinary human heart.

Hours later, after the initial medical frenzy subsides, the door opens. Your grandmother enters slowly, leaning on her cane, your aunt supporting her elbow. Your grandmother's face, deeply lined and framed by silver hair, crumples at the sight of you awake.

"My girl," she whispers, her voice wavering. "My precious girl."

Your aunt helps her to your bedside. With trembling hands, your grandmother cups your face, studying you as if memorizing every detail. Her tears fall onto your cheeks, mingling with your own.

When she embraces you, fragile arms holding you with surprising strength, something breaks inside you. The dam holding back your emotions crumbles completely.

You sob against her shoulder, great heaving cries that shake your weakened body. The tears come from somewhere bottomless, somewhere that knows what you've lost, what you've gained, what you've left behind.

"I'm here, my darling," she murmurs, her voice cracking. "I'm here."

Your aunt joins the embrace, her arms encircling you both. They hold you as you cry, mistaking your tears for relief and trauma from the attack.

They don't understand you're mourning a life they can never know about. A bond severed. A cabin in a valley. A shadowsinger with scarred hands who promised to wait forever.

"We kept the light on for you," your aunt says, stroking your hair. "Every night. We knew you'd find your way back to us."

Fresh tears spill down your cheeks. The guilt of wanting to be elsewhere when they've waited so faithfully for your return. The gratitude for their unwavering love. The grief for what can never be explained.

As night falls and they reluctantly leave, promising to return at first light, you lie awake, staring at the ceiling. The machines continue their vigilant beeping.

You close your eyes and try to reach across the void. Try to feel that golden thread that once connected you to a world of magic. To him.

But there's nothing.

In the silent hours before dawn, you whisper his name, the sound barely audible even to your own ears.

"Azriel."

No shadows stir in the corners of your room. No wings unfurl from darkness.

The bond is severed. The connection lost.

You are home.

But in your dreams that night, you smell night-chilled stone and cedar. You feel the ghost of wings enfolding you. You hear a voice promising to wait, even as it fades into memory.

"Until we meet again, my heart."

Five years, and the world still doesn't fit right.

Five years since you woke in a hospital bed with hands that remembered magic and a heart that had forgotten how to beat without him.

Medical school consumes your days and nights. The transition from nursing student to medical student raised eyebrows, but your near-death experience provides a convenient explanation for your sudden change in direction.

What you can't explain is how anatomy comes to you like breathing, how you can identify trauma patterns with uncanny precision, or why you instinctively reach for moonleaf or frostroot—plants that shouldn't exist here, but live vividly in your muscle memory.

"Your spatial reasoning is exceptional," your neurosurgery professor remarks after watching you practice sutures. "It's like you've been doing this for centuries."

You flinch at his words, a memory fragment flickering—your hands wreathed in golden light as you healed a wounded faerie in Dawn Court. You smile tightly to hide the tremor. "Just good with my hands."

You specialize in trauma surgery. Each life you save feels like redemption for the one you abandoned. Each scar you repair reminds you of wounds you couldn't heal across worlds.

Two albino rabbits sit in the pet shop window, twitching their noses. Their eyes are wrong—not quite red, but a soft, gleaming pink.

You freeze. The world blurs.

You don't notice you've sunk to your knees until someone asks if you're alright. You aren't. You haven't been, not since two glowing shadows with cotton-flame tails hopped through fallen leaves, and someone with a voice like dusk laughed beside you.

You wake some nights gasping, hand clutched to your chest, sure the bond has snapped back into place—only to find yourself alone in the dark, throat raw with his name half-spoken.

During thunderstorms, you sit on your apartment balcony, watching lightning split the sky. Sometimes the shadows seem to reach for you, comforting and familiar.

In those moments, you unconsciously reach for your chest, searching for a golden warmth that no longer pulses beneath your skin.

Autumn becomes your season. You collect fallen leaves that shimmer copper and gold in certain light, pressing them between book pages like precious memories.

Your apartment fills with candles scented with cedar and pine, though they never smell quite right—never like night-chilled stone and forest.

Your grandmother notices these peculiarities but never questions them. "You came back different," is all she says, squeezing your hand during Sunday dinners. "But you came back. That's what matters."

Your aunt is less philosophical. "You need to start dating again," she insists regularly. "That surgical resident keeps asking about you."

You nod and make vague promises you never keep.

How could you explain that you left your heart in another world? That you loved someone with wings and shadows and scars who offered to wait centuries?

In your final year of residency, you join a research trip to Scotland.

The program pairs physicians with historians to study ancient healing practices.

While your colleagues are excited about the medical aspects, you're drawn by a different hope—one you barely acknowledge even to yourself.

The museum sits nestled in the highlands, a small stone building housing local artifacts.

Your group filters through the first exhibition hall, examining crude surgical tools and herbal remedies. You lag behind, something pulling you toward a separate gallery.

And then you see him.

Not his face, not truly.

But the silhouette, the posture, the wings—etched into you so deeply no time or world could ever wear it away. And your soul answers. Fiercely. Immediately.

Azriel.

A tapestry, ancient and faded, stretches across the far wall.

Your breath catches in your throat. The air tastes like lightning. Like cedar. Like home.

The weaving depicts a forest of perpetual autumn, trees burning with colors that never fade. Figures with pointed ears move through the scene, and at the center stands a male with a crown of living flame.

"Fascinating piece, isn't it?" The curator appears beside you. "Local legend says it depicts 'the autumn people' who live beyond the forest. Fairytales, of course, but the craftsmanship is remarkable."

You barely hear him, your eyes fixed on the tapestry's border. There, nearly hidden in the woven scene's edge, sits a small cabin with east-facing windows. A figure stands before it, wings folded against its back, staring at mountains as if waiting.

The curator moves on. Your colleagues drift toward the next exhibition.

You remain rooted, trembling.

You step closer, fingers brushing against the woven silhouette. Golden light flickers beneath your skin—then flares. It burns like resurrection.

The bond, asleep but never gone, seizes your chest in a silent scream of recognition.

"Azriel," you whisper, the name both foreign and familiar on your tongue after years of silence.

Tears spill down your cheeks as you trace the winged figure.

Something inside you breaks open—grief you've suppressed for five years flooding to the surface.

"I'm sorry I left you alone," you sob quietly, fingers pressing against the tapestry. "I'm so sorry."

You collapse to your knees, forehead pressed to ancient threads, sobbing like a soul unmoored. Your tears fall into a forest woven in legend, into a promise that never died.

And somewhere—across stars, across centuries—he lifts his head.

He's still waiting.

Ten years pass in rhythms of healing and work.

You try dating—a surgeon from your hospital, a literature professor who quotes poetry, a kind veterinarian with gentle hands.

Each relationship ends the same way. "You're never fully here," they eventually say. You can't explain the hollow space in your chest where golden light once pulsed.

The nightmares still come, though less frequently.

Cold hands holding you down. Mocking laughter echoing off stone walls. You wake gasping, drenched in sweat, reaching for shadows that aren't there.

These experiences shape your medical practice—you specialize in trauma recovery, creating a program for assault survivors that combines medical and psychological care. Your colleagues marvel at your intuitive understanding of trauma's physical manifestations.

"It's like you've lived through it yourself," a psychologist comments.

You smile tightly. "I just listen carefully."

At forty, you're respected, successful, alone.

Your apartment fills with more autumn leaves, more candles that never smell quite right. You volunteer weekends at an animal shelter, drawn especially to the rabbits with their twitching noses and watchful eyes. Your coworkers call you the "rabbit whisperer" when traumatized ones calm at your touch.

"You understand them somehow," the shelter director says.

If only she knew how you sometimes whisper to them in a language that shouldn't exist, how you occasionally catch yourself looking for pink flames that never appear.

Your fiftieth birthday arrives with honors from the medical community. You've pioneered trauma-informed surgical protocols now implemented nationwide. Your sister hosts a celebration dinner, her grandchildren clambering for your attention.

"Tell us a story!" they beg as the adults clean up.

You settle in your favorite chair, children gathered at your feet.

"Once," you begin, "there existed a world where autumn never ended, where trees burned with colors that never faded..."

Your stories grow more elaborate over the years—tales of courts governed by seasons, of creatures with powers tied to natural elements, of shadows that whispered secrets.

Your family assumes they're born from your imagination rather than memory.

"You should write these down," your great-niece suggests on your sixty-eighth birthday. "These stories about the shadowsinger and the flame lady are beautiful."

You smile, throat tight. "Perhaps someday."

At seventy-two, retirement brings contemplative quiet. Your hands, once steady in surgery, now shake slightly as you press another autumn leaf between journal pages.

The cabin with east-facing windows haunts your dreams more frequently now—so vivid you can almost smell pine needles, almost hear wings rustling in pre-dawn darkness.

Your eightieth year brings pneumonia that never quite resolves.

Hospital corridors feel strange from the patient's perspective. Family gathers, whispering consultations with your former colleagues.

"It's my time," you tell your great-nephew when you catch him crying. "Don't be sad."

"We can't lose you," he insists, clutching your fragile hand.

You smile, peace settling in your bones. "I'm not being lost. I'm going home."

The night your body finally releases you, golden light flickers beneath your skin for the first time in decades.

The monitors flatline as nurses rush in, but you're already gone—crossing between worlds on a bridge of light that never truly broke.

You wake with a gasp, heart hammering against your ribs.

Sunlight filters through amber-stained windows, casting warm patterns across your nightgown. For a moment, you're disoriented—the transition too abrupt, too complete.

"I'm back," you whisper, touching your face in disbelief. "I'm actually back!"

Without thinking, you leap from bed, nearly tripping over the nightgown that tangles around your legs. You catch yourself on a bedpost, already running toward the door.

"Eris!" you shout, flinging open your chamber door. "ERIS!"

Briar, who was carrying fresh linens shrieks as you barrel past, dropping her basket. Sheets flutter to the floor like startled ghosts.

"My lady!" she calls after you. "You need proper attire! My lady!"

You ignore her, bare feet slapping against cool marble as you race through familiar corridors. A guard nearly drops his spear as you round the corner.

"The Lady is awake!" he shouts, voice cracking in surprise. "The Lady is awake!"

The cry echoes behind you, rippling through the castle like wildfire. Servants peek from doorways, eyes wide with shock. More guards join the chorus, their disciplined decorum crumbling at the sight of you—the Lady of Autumn Court—sprinting through hallways in a nightgown with your hair flying wildly behind you.

"My lady, please!" calls the housekeeper, clutching her chest as you leap over a small decorative table. "Your slippers! Your robe!"

"Where is Eris?" you demand, not slowing.

"The war room, but—"

You're already gone, leaving the poor female sputtering in your wake.

You skid around another corner, nightgown billowing. A young noble steps directly into your path, and you collide with enough force to send him sprawling. His papers scatter like autumn leaves.

"So sorry!" you call over your shoulder, already back on your feet. "Royal emergency!"

Behind you, the noble stares open-mouthed at your retreating form. "Was that...?" you hear him ask a nearby guard.

"Indeed, Lord Ramel," the guard replies solemnly. "After eighty years... she has returned."

"In her nightclothes?"

"Apparently so, my lord."

The war room doors loom ahead—massive oak panels carved with battle scenes from Autumn's history.

Two stone-faced guards stand at attention, their expressions flickering with shock as you approach.

"My lady," one begins, "perhaps you would like to—"

You don't let him finish. With a strength that surprises even you, you slam both doors open, the bang echoing like thunder through the chamber beyond.

Silence falls instantly.

A dozen lords in autumn finery turn as one, mouths agape. Maps and tactical markers cover the massive table between them. And at its head—

Eris.

He stands frozen, quill suspended over parchment, amber eyes widened in disbelief. A flame crown burns atop his head—smaller than Beron's had been, but undeniably the mark of High Lord.

"Sister?" he whispers, face draining of color.

You beam at him, suddenly aware of your nightgown, your bare feet, your hair that probably resembles a bird's nest after eighty years of disuse. "Surprise!"

No one moves. No one breathes.

Then Eris, the terrifying High Lord of Autumn Court, drops his quill. Ink spatters across ancient maps and generations-old treaties. Without a word, he vaults over the table—literally vaults, one hand pressed to the wood as he leaps—sending markers and figurines flying.

"It's really you?" he asks, approaching cautiously as if you might vanish. "Both parts of you?"

You nod, tears and laughter mingling. "All of me. Every memory. Both lives."

A strangled noise escapes him as he pulls you into a fierce embrace. Over his shoulder, you see the assembled lords exchanging glances of utter bewilderment.

"My lords," Eris says, his voice suspiciously thick as he turns to face them. "Meeting adjourned."

"But the Winter Court border dispute—" one begins.

"Can wait another day," Eris cuts him off. "My sister has returned from the dead. In her nightclothes. Priorities, gentlemen."

The lords bow hastily, filing out with backward glances and poorly concealed whispers. The last one pulls the doors shut behind him.

Once alone, Eris holds you at arm's length, examining you with eyes that gleam suspiciously bright. "Eighty years," he says. "Eighty years, and you choose to return while I'm in the middle of the most boring border dispute in Prythian history."

"Your timing was always worse," you counter with a watery smile.

"Says the female who just crashed a war council in her nightgown." His gaze travels pointedly to your bare feet. "Nice entrance, by the way. Very dignified. Absolutely befitting a High Lady."

Once alone, Eris examines you with gleaming eyes. "You're truly back."

"What happened?" you demand. "Why am I here? I was eighty! I died!"

"Not exactly," Eris says, looking amused. "You never actually died."

"What?"

"The Ash Tea you took. It didn't just dampen your magic—it eventually put you into a death-like sleep. Your body remained here, perfectly preserved, while your consciousness..." He waves vaguely. "Went wherever it went."

You blink. "Like Sleeping Beauty?"

Eris stares blankly. "Like what?"

"Sleeping Beauty! The princess who pricked her finger and slept for a hundred years until true love's kiss woke her?"

"That sounds... highly improbable," Eris says diplomatically.

"Says the immortal faerie with fire powers," you retort.

He concedes with a tilt of his head. "Fair point."

"Does anyone else know I'm back? What about Azriel? The Night Court?"

"No one knows yet," Eris says, sobering. "And it should stay that way temporarily. You're vulnerable right now. Your magic needs time to stabilize."

"Vulnerable to what?"

"Assassins, power-hungry nobles, that sort of thing," he says casually, as if discussing the weather. "The usual court politics."

"Lovely. Just what I needed after eighty years of human medicine—fairy court murder plots."

Eris smirks. "Welcome home, sister."

"But wait—if I've been technically alive all this time, why wake up now?" you wonder. "Why today specifically?"

Eris shrugs. "The Ash Tea finally wore off? Cosmic timing? Who knows how these things work?"

"Or maybe... the Charm..." You touch your chest, feeling the golden bond stir. "Maybe he called me back somehow."

"Speaking of your brooding shadowsinger," Eris says, "I assume you'll want to see him rather urgently?"

"Is he—"

"Still in that ridiculous cabin with the impractical east-facing windows? Yes." Eris sighs dramatically. "Eighty years, and he's still there, waiting. Immortals and their stubborn attachments."

"I need to go," you say, starting for the door before realizing. "But not like this! I need clothes!"

Eris looks you up and down, smirking. "I don't know. This look might be exactly what the shadowsinger has been waiting eighty years for."

"ERIS!"

"Fine, fine." He chuckles, guiding you toward the door. "Let's find you something suitable. Though fashion has changed considerably in eighty years."

"If you try to put me in anything with unnecessary feathers—"

"Wouldn't dream of it," he lies smoothly. "Though the current style does involve quite a lot of strategically placed autumn leaves..."

Your horrified expression sends him into a fit of laughter as he leads you down the hall. Behind you, servants whisper excitedly:

The Lady has returned—in her nightgown, no less—and she's headed west, to a cabin with east-facing windows, where a shadowsinger has waited eighty years for Sleeping Beauty to finally wake up.

You crest the last hill just before sunset, your boots crunching over the forest floor. The path winds familiar but strange—wider than memory, the trees newer, as if time itself tried to soften the edges of what you left behind.

You pause at the treeline.

The cabin waits below.

Except—it isn't a cabin anymore.

It's a home.

Two stories of weathered wood and stone, a wraparound porch shaded by climbing vines. A garden spills out in vibrant rows of herbs and vegetables. Windows facing east gleam in the fading light, capturing the day's last embers.

Your chest tightens, the bond humming faintly beneath your skin.

"Azriel?" Your voice sounds small in the vast silence.

No answer. Just the hush of wind through pine.

You step forward, each footfall carrying the weight of eighty years. The door stands ajar, as though left that way for you. Inside, the air holds warmth but no presence. A stillness too reverent, too expectant.

The house is a reliquary. A shrine to a love he never abandoned.

Your fingers trail across a workbench where wood shavings still curl, fresh and fragrant. A half-finished flame bunny waits patiently beside carving tools.

The pink glass eyes gleam, unfinished but already alive. On the mantle above the fireplace, dozens of others stand in silent formation—each unique, each perfectly capturing some essence of Ember and Sizzle.

You turn slowly, taking in walls lined with bookshelves, maps of stars, sketches of landscapes you've never seen. The home feels thoroughly lived in yet meticulously organized. Everything has a place, a purpose.

A note lies on the kitchen table, pinned beneath a carved stone bunny:

Gone to settle matters with Rhysand. Return in three days. —A

Three days. After eighty years of waiting, you've missed him by hours.

A laugh breaks from your throat—wet and trembling—as you sink into the kitchen chair.

Not from humor. From disbelief.

The sort of cruel irony only fate could orchestrate.

Your fingers tighten around the carved bunny. Its tiny ears tilt slightly left, just like Ember's did when she was curious. He remembered.

Of course he did.

As you explore further, you notice something strange about the land surrounding the cabin. Boundary stones mark a perimeter that belongs to neither Court.

He's carved out a territory—a small realm between worlds, belonging to no High Lord.

"He's created his own little realm," you whisper, touching the stones etched with unfamiliar symbols. A place outside court politics. A sanctuary.

On a lower shelf, tucked between histories of Prythian, you find a collection of journals bound in midnight-blue leather. Your hand hesitates, fingers hovering over the spines.

Is this too private? Too personal?

But the need to understand these missing decades overrides your hesitation.

The first entry is dated exactly one day after you took the Ash Tea.

The writing is tight, controlled, betraying nothing of emotion.

She is gone. The bond remains, but muted. I will wait.

Just three sentences.

But the pressure of the pen has nearly torn through the paper.

You trace the words with trembling fingers, feeling the grief preserved in careful script.

Your tears fall, smudging the ink before you hastily wipe them away.

You turn pages, decades passing between your fingers.

Year 5: Began construction on the second story. The sunrise is better viewed from height.

Year 12: Rhysand has conceded territory around the cabin. Cassian calls it folly. Perhaps it is.

Year 20: Found pink crystal in the mountains today. Captured the exact shade of the flame bunnies' eyes. Have begun carving again.

Year 37: The garden produces more than enough now. I've started leaving the excess at the border village. They still fear the "shadowsinger" but the food disappears by morning.

Year 53: Feyre visited today. Asked if I regret my choice. I do not.

Your fingers press against your chest, and for a moment—just a moment—you swear the bond hums.

Soft and golden. Waiting.

As the decades progress, the entries grow longer, more detailed.

More...hopeful. The words of a male who has chosen patient waiting over despair.

Year 68: I felt the bond flicker today. Stronger, then gone. Is she thinking of me across worlds? Is she near windows facing east?

Year 79: Dreams of her return have increased. The shadows whisper of changes coming. I dare not hope, yet find I cannot stop myself.

The final entry, dated just days ago.

Rhysand has requested my presence. After all these years, a summons I cannot ignore. I go reluctantly, but perhaps this is the Cauldron's design. I leave signs of my return, should the impossible happen while I'm gone.

Three days. I will be back in three days.

You close the journal, something breaking open inside you. Eighty years of patient waiting, of building and preparing, of never losing faith that somehow, someday, you would find your way back.

The day fades into evening as you explore further.

The upper floor holds a bedroom with that promised view of the sunrise. A smaller room adjoins it, filled with musical instruments and comfortable chairs—a room for leisure, for living, not just surviving.

You climb the stairs like you're in a dream.

The bedroom is beautiful—warm wood, east-facing windows painted with sunset. A reading nook nestled in the corner. A space made for two.

But it's the third room that destroys you.

A nursery.

Simple, practical, but unmistakable. A cradle carved from pale wood. Tiny clothes folded in a dresser, and a rocking chair by the window.

Your knees buckle.

You sink to the floor, sobs tearing from your throat—raw and wordless.

He hadn't just hoped for your return. He had prepared for a future.

A life.

Every dream you'd whispered together, every small detail you'd imagined for a life beyond courts and duty—he'd made it real. He'd built it, year by patient year, while you lived an entire human lifetime.

Night falls gently, like a blessing. You light the hearth, the candles. Shadows dance across walls that have waited for you. Outside, the forest seems to hold its breath, as if the trees themselves sense something momentous.

You could return to Autumn Court, wait in comfort, let Eris announce your return properly. The diplomatic, sensible choice.

But no. Not when he carved eighty years of devotion into every beam of this house.

"Three days is nothing," you whisper, settling into the chair by the fire with another journal.

You stay.

And somewhere, far across the courts, a shadowsinger feels the shift in the air.

The bond hums.

The fire rekindles.

The forest holds its breath.

Three days. After eighty years, what's three more days?

Light spills through east-facing windows, bathing the cabin in liquid gold. You've fallen asleep in his chair, his journal open in your lap, after two days of exploring every corner of the home he built for you both.

The door opens with barely a whisper.

Azriel stands frozen in the threshold, wings tightly folded, dawn painting his silhouette in fire and shadow. The package in his hands drops to the floor with a soft thud. His shadows always in motion go completely still.

Your eyes flutter open.

Time stops.

The space between heartbeats stretches into eternity as your gazes lock across the room.

Neither of you moves. Neither breathes.

The morning light wraps around him like a memory made flesh, illuminating the planes of his face unchanged by decades, yet somehow different.

His eyes widen, lips parting slightly, as if he's seeing a ghost.

Perhaps he is.

His name rises in your throat but gets caught there, trapped behind emotion too vast for sound. The bond between you pulses once, tentatively, like a bird testing broken wings.

"I'm finally going mad," he whispers, voice raw and reverent.

You rise slowly, journal sliding forgotten to the floor. The movement feels like swimming through honey, each second precious and thick with meaning.

"Azriel," you breathe, his name a prayer on your lips.

The sound shatters his stillness. His shadows surge forward, reaching you before he does tentative, trembling. They brush your cheeks, your hands, your hair, as if making certain you're real.

"How?" The word tears from his throat, rough with hope and fear.

"The bond never broke," you whisper, your voice trembling with the weight of truth. "It stretched across worlds, across time. My body lived there, but my soul was always anchored here, with you."

He takes one step forward, then another. His scarred hands hover near your face without touching, as if afraid you might dissolve like morning mist.

"Every sunrise for eighty years," he says, voice catching, "I've stood on that porch and whispered your name to the mountains."

"I heard you," you tell him, tears spilling freely now. "In my dreams. I always heard you calling me home."

When your fingers finally brush his cheek, he collapses. Not like a warrior falls in battle, but like a man finally allowing himself to believe. His wings fold forward, arms encircling your waist, and he buries his face against your stomach. You sink with him to your knees, your legs giving out from the sheer weight of finally being found.

"I'm here," you whisper into his hair, voice breaking, "I'm home."

His scarred hands cradle your face with such reverence it breaks your heart.

"Tell me you're staying," he pleads, voice raw with eight decades of longing. "Tell me I won't wake tomorrow to find you gone."

Instead of words, you take his hand and place it over your heart where the bond pulses golden beneath your skin.

"Feel that?" you whisper. "It never faded. It never broke. It only stretched between worlds until I could find my way back to you."

The bond flares between you, no longer muted by distance or dimensions, but blazing with renewed life. Golden light spills from beneath your joined hands, illuminating his face.

A single tear traces the sharp line of his cheekbone. "I built this home with my own hands," he says, voice breaking on each word, "plank by plank, stone by stone. Not because I believed you would return, but because I couldn't bear to stop waiting."

Your thumbs brush away his tears. "How did you survive it?" you ask, your own voice breaking. "How did you bear it alone for so long?"

"I wasn't living," he confesses, pressing his forehead to yours. "I was existing. Breathing because my body refused to stop. My soul has been right here all along, waiting for you to make me whole again."

As if summoned by the truth in his words, warmth blooms between you. Pink flame erupts in twin bursts of light and joyful squeaking. Ember and Sizzle materialize, hopping excitedly around you both.

"They remember," you whisper in wonder.

"Everything that is part of you refuses to forget," Azriel says, watching the flame bunnies with awe. "Just as I memorized every detail of your face, every sound of your laughter, every shade of light in your eyes."

Ember hops onto his shoulder while Sizzle circles your joined hands, leaving tiny scorch marks on the wooden floor.

"After you were gone," he says softly, "I kept feeling you everywhere—in the sunrise, in the autumn wind, in the spaces between heartbeats. They said I was mad to keep believing."

"I felt you too," you tell him, your fingers tracing the lines of his face. "Even across worlds, even across time. My soul never stopped reaching for yours."

His shadows curl around your joined hands, no longer restless but finally at peace. "When I felt our bond dim," he whispers, voice raw, "it was like watching the stars fade one by one until the night was empty."

"I thought I was setting you free," you confess, pressing your forehead to his chest. "I thought I was being merciful."

His arms tighten around you, wings creating a cocoon of shadow and warmth. "There is no freedom in half a soul," he says fiercely. "No life worth living without you in it."

You look up at him through your tears. "How can you still look at me like that? After all this time?"

"Like what?" he asks, his voice achingly soft.

"Like I'm everything."

"Because you are," he says simply, the words striking your heart like lightning. "You are dawn after endless night. You are the answer to prayers I was too broken to speak."

Tears stream freely down your cheeks as he lowers his forehead to yours.

His shadows curl around your face, tender and possessive. "My fierce, impossible mate," he breathes, voice rough with wonder. "My heart. My home."

And then his lips find yours, gentle yet desperate, a reunion and a promise in one.

His wings wrap around you both, shuttering out the world until there is nothing but this—his mouth on yours, his scent of night-chilled stone and cedar surrounding you, the bond between you singing like the first notes of creation.

When you finally part, both breathless, his eyes hold a peace you've never seen before—the look of someone who has finally, after endless searching, come home.

Your gaze falls to the forgotten package on the floor. "What's that?" you ask, voice still thick with emotion.

A different kind of warmth colors his cheeks as he retrieves the small burlough sack.

"I remembered how much you missed it," he says softly as you open it.

The rich, familiar aroma hits you immediately—coffee beans, perfectly roasted, their scent rising like a memory from another life.

"You remembered," you whisper, tears welling fresh in your eyes as you run your fingers through the dark beans.

"I spent eighty years trying to grow them," he admits, his shadows curling bashfully. "The first plants all died. Then the beans were too bitter. By the fortieth year, I could make something drinkable, but it wasn't right. It wasn't what you remembered."

A laugh bubbles up through your tears. "You spent eighty years learning to grow coffee beans? For me?"

His smile is small but reaches his eyes—perhaps the first true smile you've ever seen transform his face. "I would have spent eighty lifetimes learning."

Ember hops excitedly around the bag, leaving tiny scorch marks that curl into a heart shape. Sizzle bounces onto Azriel's shoulder, nuzzling against his cheek with fiery affection.

"I think they approve," you laugh through your tears, clutching the precious beans to your chest.

You rise together, his arm steady around your waist, the bond between you glowing like captured starlight.

"Show me," you whisper. "Show me everything you built."

Outside the window, dawn breaks fully over your valley.

Your home.

Bathing everything in golden light that feels, at last, like a beginning rather than an ending.

Author’s Note: And that’s it. That’s the fic. She died, she lived, she ran through a palace in her nightgown like a feral fairy princess, and she got her man (who, in case you forgot, spent EIGHTY YEARS building a house and practicing agriculture like a sad, winged Pinterest husband). 🐇💔🔥

Thank you for crying with me. Screaming with me. Whispering “oh my god just kiss already” with me.

This story was equal parts pain, pining, trauma-healing, and “what if Azriel just... stood outside her kingdom for decades like a Victorian ghost with a toolbelt?”

To those of you who made it to the end. I see you. I love you. I, too, would betray a High Lord for a coffee bean grown out of pure love.

BUT WAIT.

While the main arc has closed with a very dramatic, very deserved Happily Ever After, you didn’t think I’d leave you without some bonus content, did you?

Stay tuned for bonus chapters featuring:

1. The mating ceremony (someone cries, someone combusts emotionally and/or literally, everyone gossips) 2. Azriel trying to be a husband and a mate while quietly short-circuiting every time she kisses his cheek 3. Domestic arguments about mundane things like curtain color and whose turn it is to wash the flame bunnies 4. Azriel learning to cook without murdering a pan (he fails, but his arms look great while doing it) 5. Found family visits. Too much wine. Velaris bets. Rhysand regrets inviting himself. 6. Intense fluff. Devastating angst. Some smut that’s been aged like fine wine in my drafts 7. And yes, maybe babies, because listen... have you seen Azriel hold things gently? Of course we're going there

Basically: a mating bond is forever, but so is the chaos that comes with it.

Thank you for reading this soul-wrecking, hope-restoring, very dramatic tale of second chances and shadow-soaked love. You made it through. Go scream into a pillow and eat something carb-heavy. You’ve earned it.

—With all my love and possibly a flame bunny plush in hand, mahalachives 🖤

Taglist: @circe143 @lunarxcity @willowpains @messageforthesmallestman @lreadsstuff @evye47 @lovely-susie @moonfawnx @tele86 @moonlitlavenders @darkbloodsly @ees-chaotic-brain @smol-grandpa @auraofathena @lottiiee413 @minaaminaa8 @claudiab22 @moonbeamruins @shewolf1549 @crimsonandwhiteprincess @a-band-aid-for-your-heart @kathren1sky-blog @alimarie1105 @masbt1218 @topaz125 @falszywe @randomdumsblog @sophia-grace2025 @okaytrashpanda @thegoddessofnothingness @unarxcity @svearehnn @suhke3 @galaxystern08 @ivy-34 @hellsenthero @nayaniasworld @raccoonworld @bobbywobbby @evergreenlark @greenmandm @shinyghosteclipse @catloverandreader @the-onlyy-angie @bunnboosblog @i-like-boooks @ashduv @kayjaywrites @lovelyreaderlovesreading @badbishsblog @vera0124 @i-am-infinite @scatteredstardustt @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @chaotic-luvrs @etsukomoonbeam @justtryingtosurvive02 @dianxiaxiexie @annaaaaa88 @mortqlprojections @quiet-loser @shamelesswolftheorist @vanserrasimp @lovelyflower7777 @probendingwords @allthatisbuck1917 @thejediprincess56 @forvalentineboy @romwyz @plowden @jada-lockwood @traveling-neverland @wanderwithmex @magicaldragonlady @makemeurvillain @justswimm @saltedcoffeescotch @rafeecameronsbitch @sherhd @stainedpomegranatelips @ayohockeycheck @yourdarkrose @taurusvic @illyrianshadow @s-h-e-l-b-e-e @ly--canthrope @star-chaser1 @dormantzzzs

[azziebaddy]

Tell me to Stop

Reader x Azriel

Synopsis: You and Azriel ended in a messy breakup and now he's desperate to distract himself with anyone else, that anyone being Elaine. Elaine quickly takes control of Azriel's whole life, forbidding him from seeing you, but can you two really stay apart forever?

Warnings: Elaine being crazy and mean (to my Irish followers, shes a class One wagon in this fic), high angst, smut, silly Cassian and Rhysand.

Note: Hello! Extremely long time no chat! I am currently writing on the most depressing thesis topic you can think of and so I decided to write this fic and take a break from "serious" writing. Let me know what you guys think! I'm very rusty at writing (especially writing smut lol) so please forgive me!

ALSO HOLY HELL THERES OVER 700 OF YOU!!!

--------------------------------------------------

“Az, do we have to do this every day?”

“Only until you say yes, YNN” Azriel grinned into his whisky tumbler as Cassian rolled his eyes at the same old dance he witnessed every night. 

“Az, give it a break, you're sounding desperate” Cassian smirked at his best friend's near-daily ritual, sliding onto a barstool next to him. You stood on the other side of the bar, polishing glasses with a small rag, Rita's electric around you.

“I'm just looking for another chance, is all.” Azriel did his best sad puppy dog face, and you swatted it away playfully with the cloth.

“Azriel, one of these days I'm gonna roll my eyes so hard at you I'm gonna go blind” You gently patted his shoulder, smilingly, before moving down the bar to take another customer's drink order. Azriel kept his eyes on you the whole time, watching your interaction with male patrons closely, only Cassian's voice snapping him from his study.

“You’re gonna hate me for saying this to you, again, but you've worked so hard to get back to this place, Az, are you sure you want to risk losing it all again?”

“Cass, I just know we're supposed to be more, but maybe you’re right, maybe it's time to just call it” Azriel watched your outline drift into the sea of patrons as you moved from behind the bar with a tray of drinks. You had known one another for over three centuries, as complicated as those years were. Partners in crime with a healthy dose of one-sided outward pining but mutual feelings. The two of you had dated before, but it crashed and burned almost fifty years ago, around the time when Rhysand was stolen. 

Azriel scanned the room, his gaze landing on Elaine as she laughed with the other members of his beloved family. Cassian followed the look, and it didn’t take a mind reader to know exactly what Azriel was thinking. 

“What? Why are you looking at me like that, Cass?”

“I know that look, that's the, let me jump on the next thing that moves and pretend it's YN because that's who I really want but can't have, look”

“Sounds like it needs a rebrand” Azriel chuckled in return before pushing off the bar and strolling over to reacquaint himself with the Archeron sister, who did very little to hide her affection for him. Cassain just shook his head at the scene before turning back to the bar top to watch you return, apron and wine glass in hand.

“Finished for the night YNN?”

“Yeah, right on time to watch that trainwreck” You plastered a smile across your face that didn't quite reach your eyes as you took a deep drink from your glass and threw the apron around the other side of the bar. Elaine cuddled in closer to Azriel, a stray hand finding a home on his thigh as his arm rested on the back of the booth behind her. You quietly simmered with rage as she batted her eyelashes at him, and he did nothing to stop her advances.

“I know you want him back and you're scared what happened…will happen again” he said somewhat sheepishly.

“Wow, Cassian, I didn’t realise you were studying to become a mind reader” you laughed with Cassian before an idea entered your head. You tore your eyes from the booth and landed them on Lucien Vanserra, back fresh from another disastrous trip to Spring, nursing a drink at the tail end of the bar. 

“Oh god, not that look” Cassian once again was disappointingly shaking his head. 

“What?”

“That's the, let me jump on the next thing that moves and distract myself from the deep unresolved feelings I have towards Azriel, look” he took the fresh drink you offered him as you finished your own before replacing it.

“A rebrand should be considered” he laughed at you and your similarities to Azriel before dragging a hand down his face in mild annoyance at your mirrored ignorance with his brother. When he looked back, you were already gone, he released a breath that sounded a lot like here we go before heading back to his friends at the booth. 

It didn’t take long for Azriel to spot you and Lucien looking extremely close, your knee between his two as you both sat together laughing in your own little world. While you would admit that initial you sat with the Prince of Foxes to piss off the Prince of Shadows, you were enjoying Luciens company for what it was. The night was starting to become a very drunk mess, and you were only delighted not to be on the closing shift and instead very much part of the chaos. 

You dragged Lucien to the dance floor, twirling under the technicolour light as the whiskey hit you like the flicks of light from the disco ball. You felt Lucien’s strong hands stroke up the length of your sides, his tipsy demeanour fighting to steady you both. This was short-lived as suddenly Lucien’s whole world went horizontal. 

“Azriel!” Cassian and Rhysand leapt out of the booth, bolting to their brother as he drunkenly pinned the son of Autumn to the sticky dancefloor. Your head started to uncomfortably swirl from the alcohol as you looked down at the two brawling males. You rolled your heavy eyes, stepping over their legs and heading for the door. 

You made it about halfway down the street on tired legs before Azriel jogged to meet your stride.

“YNN, where are you going!?” 

“Away from you!” You half shouted back to his raised tone, dragging your fallen hair from your face before attempting to push past him, failing miserably as he took a drunken but gentle hold of your wrist.

“Leave me go Az!” “When are you just going to stop pretending that you don’t still have feelings for me!?” his almost untamable eyes searched yours for answers, wishing the next words that left you fell on deaf ears.

“When are you going to stop pretending you didn’t hurt me!?” You snatched back your wrist harshly from him, despite him giving it to you willingly, the second you gave the indication to be let go. You left out a deep, exasperated breath before storming past him again. 

“YNN, that was a mistake, a stupid, drunken mistake, she didn't mean anything to me-” his small voice was swallowed again by your sharp tone as you whipped around again to face him.

“-Then why'd you do it!?” The street lights cut through the night as you bit back alcohol induced tears.

“I-I we just lost Rhysand and we-we had that big fight and I thought I lost you too and I-” “-Azriel! Are you okay!?” Elaine’s worried voice cut across the explanation you had heard a million times, your shoulders sinking at the sound. He half turned to her as she approached the scene slowly. 

“Elaine, can you give us a minute? YN and I were just-” he turned back to gesture to you, but you had already gone. 

-

It became an almost silent pact between you and Azriel to not talk about that night again; any time he entered the bar during one of your shifts, he’d leave again. Things were hauntingly familiar to when you broke up originally. Work began to consume half of his life, the other half was engulfed by Elaine. With his two best friends mated to her sisters, it felt like a natural progression to seek the same in Elaine, to no fruition. Yet, Azriel told himself, the bond hadn’t snapped yet, but it had to, right? 

When not at work, you found odd comfort in Feyre, her hopeful determination for a better future, nurturing something in you you thought you lost. As for Lucien, he seemed much to entangled in his messy work life for anything to blossom there, and so you two went back to a pleasant acquaintance; the same could not be said for him and Azriel. This very thought entered your head as you watched the two males avoid one another at Feyre’s birthday dinner in the House of Wind. You sat across from Rhysand at the long dinner table, Feyre lightly touching your hand before she sat down at the top of the table, the other guests only beginning to take their seats. 

You examined the splendour of the table setting in front of you, a reminder you were still a different pay grade to the fae you frequently brushed elbows with. Heat radiated to the crown of your head, as you lifted to watch Elaine, almost bore holes into with her scrutinising gaze. Clearly, Feyre had forgotten to mention to her dear sister all aspects of the guest list.

You looked briefly at Azriel, dressed in a suit he definitely did not pick out himself, its pastel colour complementing Elaine's dress but washing him out entirely. His hair was slicked in a way you knew that bothered him, but that's not what set your blood boiling. Azriel finally sat, almost directly across from you, your eyes snagging on his hands as they reached for the filled wine glass. Gloves. He was wearing gloves. You looked from them to right into his eyes, accidentally catching him watching you. He seemed to plead with his eyes for you not to make a scene before giving you his attempt at a reassuring smile, it not reaching his eyes. Your shared look was torn apart as Elaine caught his chin, dragging his attention back to her words. You decided then to get pissed drunk, the only way you were making it through this night without ripping Elaines clips from her skull.

The dinner was a beautiful feast, the after-dinner drinks even nicer as you all sat around the table regaling stories of your youth, the Archeron sisters eager to hear. 

“And what about you YN? Where do you come from?” The table suddenly quieted as Elaine addressed you for the first time directly, her arm possessively linked through Azriel’s across the table from you. 

“Velaris, lived here my whole little life” You gave her a soft smile, she didn’t return.

“And you work in Rita's? That’s all you do, a bit pitiful, no?”

“Actually, YNN grandmother owns Rita’s, she keeps us well-sated” Mor came to your rescue, reading between the lines of Elaine's somewhat pointed question. 

“If by that you mean she keeps us rip roaring drunk” Cassian laughed loudly, raising a glass to you as you beamed at him. 

“Oh do you remember that t-time Cass, that we drank their taps dry!” Rhysand bellowed from the top of the table, Cassian laughing loudly in return.

“Yeah! YNN left the bar top unattended for what, like, 30 minutes? And-and we gods, practically just drank straight from the tap!” the group laughed at the story.

“YN, that's so irresponsible of you!” Feyre fake scolded you, smiling towards you with laughter borne tears in her eyes. 

“Well her and Azriel were busy fucking in the stock room, I didn’t even think you could last 30 minutes Az! We were getting dehydrated waiting!” Cassian's booming laugh covered the table as you covered your smirking face with your palm, sinking slightly into the chair. When you removed it, you looked at Azriel scold a hysterically drunk Cassain across the table, Elaine's heated stare once again prickling your skin. 

“That was a long time ago” You laughed lightly, desperate to change the subject. 

“Oh! What about his birthday weekend when Azriel thought he’d dislocated his hip from your escape to the cabin! Oh Gods, the shameful look Madja gave him!” An equally drunk Rhysand joined the pile on, the maroon in your cheeks heating as the group laughed. A sudden sharp scrape of wood on slate silenced the table as Elaine stood, glaring between Azriel and you before storming away, Azriel hot on her heels. 

“Gods, good thing I didn’t mention the time in the war camp-” “Okay! That’s enough stories!” Mor came to your rescue again, but your eyes stayed focused on the door Azriel had just run through. You looked around the table of faces, then as they all examined you as if you were a wounded deer, before you stood to follow the storming couple. 

“THAT WAS UNACCEPTABLE, AZRIEL! DISGUSTING!” You heard Elaine shouting before you saw them. You stayed back in the shadow of a tall supporting pillar, watching the two at the end of the hallway, unable to tear yourself away from the sight of them.

“Elaine, c’mon like YNN said, it was years ago!”

“Stop calling her that name! You should have no warmth towards that serving wench!” “Elaine, stop, you’re not being fair! She’s been our friend for years!” Azriel raised his arms to stop Elaine from storming away, corralling her at the end of the hall. 

“No! She was your fuck buddy and its unacceptable that she’s still in your life!” You pressed your back into the cold stone wall, doing absolutely everything in your power to not spring off the stone and clober her, how dare she boil your relationship with Azriel down to just that. Unless that’s all Azriel had led her to believe that it was? 

“Stop, stop speaking about her like that, please!” Azriel took a slightly sharper tone, but it was still nothing to the level you felt she deserved. You suddenly felt the cool, familiar caress of Azriel’s shadows swirling around your ankles, they almost began to leap in recognition. You shushed them, softly scolding them, but they remained. 

“You need to stop seeing her” Elaine finally said after a moment or two of silence.

“Wh-what?”

“Azriel, we have the chance to be everything, I’m asking you to stay away from that bar slut if you ever want everything to come through!” She practically bit out, her hands in fists at her sides. You exhaled sharply, finally having had enough as you attempted to spring from the wall, Azriel’s shadows keeping you in place. You heard Azriel release a defeated breath. 

“F-fine” he said so softly you thought you misheard it entirely. Elaine beamed brightly again, delighted to have owned the protest. She squeezed Azriel’s arm before bouncing back down the hallway to the dinner, so lost in her success, she didn’t spot you quietly boiling in the shadow. 

You emerged from the shade as soon as the door to the dining room latched closed. You watch Azriel at the end of the hallway, head hung in shame. 

“Fuck buddy huh?” You almost whispered, leaning one shoulder on the pillar you once hid behind, your voice giving Azriel a small fright. 

“You-you heard that?” He sank his hands into his pockets, doing his best not to remind you of the itchy gloves that dawned on them. 

“It’s okay Az, you don’t need to say anything…after all that’s happened I still just want you to be happy and-and that girl in that dress shaped like a pastry could be it” You said with a weak smile, Azriel closing in to you as you pushed back from the pillar.

“I don’t want to lose you YNN” “Your girlfriend said stop calling me that” You whispered, stepping back to put air between the shrinking space. Azriel’s head dipped for a second before looking back at you. 

“Azriel! C’mon!” the two of you heard Elaine’s voice through the heavy door, your cue to exit. 

“I don’t want any more hurt or fighting between us Az, I want this to be easy for you, I want you to be so stupidly fucking happy and this could be it…tell Feyre I’ll speak to her during the week, bye Az” You every so lightly brushed a soft kiss on his cheek before stepping away from him and into the depths of the castle. 

—---

“Maybe we could ship her off to sea?” “I don’t think Feyre would appreciate that, Cass” Rhysand laughed as he looked through the forgotten files of the House of Wind library.  The brothers frequently found Azriel and Elaine's relationship to be the topic of conversation lately. It had been 2 months since Feyre’s birthday, and their hope for Azriel returning to his normal self was dying out. In the months since, the Spymaster was losing his spark, instead replacing it with seesawing between unbridled rage and deepest depression, everyone but Elaine worried sick. 

“What are you two doing down here?” Azriel’s voice gave his two brothers a small shock, Cassian dropped the file he clutched. 

“We’re trying to clear through some space, Nesta wants a sex room” A file flew past Rhysand's head at his comments.

“No..we already have one of those, this is for her books” Cassian defended proudly. 

“Books filled with sex, same difference” Rhysand laughed, a smile grew slightly on Azriel’s mouth before it sank away again. He then quietly began helping his brothers go through the files. 

“Wh-what’s this, is this what I think it is?” Cassian held up a tattered shred of paper, long family lines scrawled across, black blotches inking out the portraits of the names beneath them. 

“Is that..Holy Shit! Az, this is your family tree! Your family's birth records!” Rhysand snatched the file from Cassian to inspect and find the best news he could for his brother. Azriel had all but given up on finding any family from his mother's side, settling that in his mind but this, this could lead to a whole new world for him. Azriel took the folder carefully and then almost frantically devoured the information within. 

“Fucking hell! This-this is insane, I have to go tell YNN-oh wait” The action died in his movements, Cassian and Rhysand looking sympathetically at their brother. 

“Az… you should be allowed to talk to who you want… especially YNN, she was your best friend”

“Ahem!” “Leave it Cass” Rhysand shoved the General playfully, Azriel’s eyes still fixed on the folder. 

“I-I can’t deal with this right now” “Az wait-” it was too late, the Spymaster sank into shadow. 

-

Azriel materialised onto the Velarian streets. He found himself walking down the cobbled road to clear his head, anything to absorb the information he had just gotten. It was great news, he was so excited and yet had no one to share it with, not really anyway. His friends would be so supportive and thrilled for him, but he knew no one would come close to how ecstatic you would be. The sound of a familiar laugh snapped him out of his thoughts, where he then saw Elaine laughing as she and Nesta strolled up the street towards him. He wasn’t sure why he did it, but maybe he just wasn’t ready for her to shoot holes in his hopes just yet. He quickly ducked into the next building he could to avoid her.

 

“We’re closed!” You called from a crouched position behind the bar as you restocked the lower shelves, the scrape of a stool sending you upright. 

“I said we’re clos- oh, Az…you probably shouldn’t be here, Elain wouldn’t like it-” You slowly put down the stock you held, happy the bar kept space between you as you examined the Shadowsinger's wild eyes. “-Hey are you-are you okay Az?” You found yourself rushing to step out from behind the bar as Azriel looked like the weight of the world might crush him to death. Your soft hands braced his shoulders. 

“Az, tell me, what’s wrong?” he finally looked into your eyes, a true smile painting his face for the first time in months, settling the anxiety in your throat. 

“We found my family tree, my lineage, written down at the bottom of some rotten box in the depths of the library… YNN I have a family” His eyes began to glisten with the hopeful words he shared with you. 

“Oh my Gods, Azriel! That’s amazing!” You couldn’t help yourself then; you pulled him into you, his heavy arms swaddling you deeply in a hug. You felt his smile against your hair as he breathed in your scent, your face buried in his chest. You both stood there for comfortable moments, swaddled in familiarity. 

“You should go get them! Show me, I want to see, we gotta plan your trip to meet them! Just like we always hoped to do together someday” You pulled back, begging your eyes to not leave the threatening tear fall down your face. 

“Y-yeah, we should, we should do that” Azriel gave you a sad smile, and for once, he decided to ignore the Elaine of it all and just do what he wanted, and this was it. 

“I’m not opening here for another hour so, go go get them!” You laughed lightly, wiping the stray happy tear from your cheek as he stepped back. He then nodded happily before running out the door back to the street. You watched, hands on your hips with the biggest smile in the world, as he dashed up the street, forgetting he could just winnow there in all his excitement. 

Azriel, in his exhilaration, wasn’t entirely watching where he was going, crashing into the back of Elaine as she said goodbye to Nesta, who stayed in the cafe. 

“Oh sweetie! What's the rush!” She laughed, gripping his shoulders to hold them both upright. 

“I-I found my family tree! I’m going to meet my family!” He beamed, and she returned the smile, pulling him into a hug. 

“Az, that’s great that's-” she took a deep inhale, your scent clinging to the fabric of his jacket “-why-why do you smell like…like her”

“Oh, I-I it-it must have happened when she hugged me, I told her the news, isn’t it great I’m going to have real relatives!” His smile was stolen from him as a recognisable glare grew across her face. 

“You told her before you told me!” Elaine put icy distance between them, disgust now spewn across her face. Azriel had had enough. 

“That’s not the point, Elaine, I didn’t mean to tell her before you… It just happened that way! C’mon, it doesn’t matter, what matters is that I have a living fam-” “No. What matters is that you went and saw that beer-slinging bitch after I explicable forbade it!” She barked, drawing some sideways glances from passersby, heat rising to the back of Azriel’s neck. 

“Stop. Stop talking about her like that! It’s time to get over that, Elaine. I need YNN in my life, I miss her, and that doesn’t need to mean anything more than that, okay! We’ve talked about finding my family for decades, this is important to both of us! Can’t you just put aside these feelings and support me, be happy for me” He searched her eyes for any glimpse of the female he once thought she was before becoming entangled with her. It now clear she never existed. 

“No.” 

—---------------

You swiped a rag across a mahogany table across from the bar, humming with elation at Azriel’s news, alone in the bar until opening, the creak of the door hinges dragging you from your cleaning. Azriel stood in the doorway in all the shadowy glory he was known for. The Spymaster practically took two steps at a time as he closed the distance between you, snatching the rag from you and throwing it any which way. 

“Az, what the fuck?” You laughed in confusion, Azriel’s eyes examining the movement ever so carefully. 

“Tell me stop” You stopped laughing at his almost stony words, raising an eyebrow to him as his gloved hand touched your side beneath your t-shirt, pulling you gently into his heat. 

“Tell me to stop” he repeated cautiously, and you found yourself shaking your head no as you looked into his hazel eyes, which seemed almost lit with fear, before he leaned down and connected his lips to yours. It had been almost 52 years since you two had kissed, all of that time shrinking into nothing; it was as if no time had passed at all. 

“Tell me to stop, tell me you still hate me” he rasped out between frantic kisses. 

“I never hated you Az, and I am never going to tell you to stop this” You admitted, wrapping your arms around his neck, his hands burying into your waist as if afraid you’d dissolve without his touch. You looked down then, still seeing the cloth on his digits. You stepped back briefly, cold rattling through his bones. 

“I can’t believe she’d want this” You pulled off his gloves, his skin irritated from the scratchy wool he rarely took off. 

“It doesn’t matter what she wants, we’re over, we never should have started. I’ve only ever wanted you and 50 years ago, when I stupidly, drunkenly gave into the anger I felt towards the world for losing Rhysand and icing you out and shouting at you when you were only trying to help and letting that stupid fucking nobody kiss me all I still wanted was you. I’ll never not be sorry and I want you to tell me to stop so that we can find our way back to friends” His words sank into your skin as you realised you never really were as angry at him as you let on, you were angry at yourself for not trusting that he was sorry from the beginning, sorry for sacrificing all those years together to stay on the lonely high horse you’d isolated yourself with. 

“Is that all you want from me, to be friends?” You tried your best not to let the heartbreak rattle out through your voice.

“YNN, I want all of you, in any and all sense, in whatever way you’ll allow me” A gasping breath left you the moment his now bare hands grabbed your hips again, with your arms returning to around his neck. Azriel carefully backed the two of you up until you were pressed into the wall adjacent to the long forgotten booth you were cleaning. His hands slid down from your hips to cup your ass as he bent down slightly to get a better grip, lifting you from the ground until your back was flush with the wall. Your hands clutch the material of his shirt, afraid to let go of him and the movement. 

Briefly, his hand left your side, your legs gripping him tighter as he sent the searching hand outward for the door handle he knew had to be somewhere. Success. The door of the stock room opened with a creak, Azriel separating from your mouth to bury himself in your neck while he carried you into the room. You let out a whimper at the feeling of his teeth marbling your neck, marking you as his.

“I missed that fucking sound so much” he said against your heated skin.

“You’ll be hearing it for the rest of your life” You laughed breathlessly, running your hands from his shoulders to his hair, scruffing away that awful gelled hairstyle you knew he hated.

“I should be so lucky” He claimed the spot until dapples decorated your skin, the feeling of him hard against you was driving you crazy quickly and he damn well knew it. He dropped you gently down on top of a hip-high crate of wine. Cool air flushed against your chest as you separated his eyes had turned lustful, your hand reaching and grazing his bulge, gaining a slight groan from him.

“Azriel” you couldn’t help but moan out at the feeling of him beneath the fabric, it nearly sending him over the edge at the sound. He quickly yanked his shirt from over his head in one swift movement before pulling your trousers from you, leaving you bare on the table before him. His hand traced up your torso as you watched the painfully slow movements until he sank to his knees at the edge of the crate. You leaned up on your elbows, your legs dangling over the edge of the box, before he tucked his hands beneath your knees, gently forcing a bend in them before they fell open to the side, where you swear you saw the Illyrain drool before you. You were close to begging him to touch you, and as if he heard your thought, he immediately applied pressure to you with his hand, your pulse nearly hitting the roof, the feeling of his rough but delicate fingers entering you, massaging you as they slide to your core. You couldn’t help but dig your nails into his bare shoulders, riding his thrusting fingers as he groans at the sight. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful YN, show me what I’ve been missing” The moan was trapped in your throat as he shot up, connecting again with your lips in ferocious desperate need for you, sending you crashing over in insurmountable pleasure. He couldn’t tear his hazel eyes from the storms of gratification swirling in yours. 

Your legs shook as you edged closer again to the edge of the crate, your hand finding the buckle of Azriel’s belt, the beautiful thud from the sound of his trousers hitting the floor filling the cupboard, along with your shallow breathing. You nearly went over the edge again at the feeling of him free in your hands. Azriel practically snatched you from the make-shift counter, back into his strong arms, your legs tangling around him again, he backed you against the wall across from the door, stepping over fallen stock from the surrounding shelves.

Azriel slowly inched into you, allowing you to adjust to the massive length of him, your nails digging into his shoulders in the glorious pain you missed with every cell in your body. Azriel raised a hand above your head to support himself, his other hand wrapped around your waist with a serpent-like grip before he began to rock back and forth with unbridled power. Your nails raked up his back at the growing speed, your growing moans spurring him on. Azriels wings splayed out to balance himself, your hand found itself tracing gently the spines, sending gratifying shivers down Azriels back. 

“Mine, fucking all mine” was all he could manage through rasping breath but it was enough, enough to send the tightening band in your abdomen to its absolute limits. It’s overwhelming, all-encompassing, and it's Azriel, the full picture of what was happening, sending you bolting towards your second release. You forced your eyes open just in time to witness Azriel unravel and burst with what could only be described as a primal roar, filling you to your limits. 

Azriel pressed his forehead into yours, you both breathing in one another's shallow breaths, shaking with the power of the events that just happened. Azriel managed to straighten his strained and weary legs enough to gently drop you back to your own feet. 

“I-I didn’t even get my top off” You found yourself laughing breathlessly, Azriel joining.

“There’ll be time for that-” he looked at you, practically glowing at him “-and thank fuck for that” he chuckled, retriving your trousers for you to slip into as he did the same. You took your time getting dressed again together, neither able to stop laughing at the brilliant absurdity of the day. 

“Well, hello there” Cassain's voice caught you and Azriel off guard as you stumbled out of the supply cupboard. You looked at the jug in his hand he held over the width of the bar, Rhysand on the other side with his head practically under the tap. 

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” You said, hands on your hips, at the two Illyrians who looked like they were caught with their hand in the cookie jar. 

“We should say the same to you” Cassian quickly quipped, gesturing to your hand in Azriels, neither of you realising you had done that. 

“Will you be giving Lucien a turn in the store cupboard?” Cassian laughed at Rhysand, and you swear you heard a growl from the Spymaster. 

“The two of you better have your wallets with you!” “Is that what you said to Az before you brought him in there? What's the going rate at this bar turned brothel?” 

“Shut the fuck up” You rolled your eyes at Cassians joking turn, moving to shoo him away as you stepped behind the bar to Rhysand. The two of you laughed as you fought for control of the tap, Azriel sitting at the bar top alongside Cassian. 

“I know that look” Cassain smiled at his long-time best friend as Rhysand passed him a pint while you scowled him for the mess he had made of the floor behind the bar.“Yeah?” “And I am so happy to see it back” he gently clicked his pint against Azriel’s, who could only grin.

----------

What do you guys think?

[azziebaddy]

Part 8: The Soul That Fled

🕊️TW: This chapter contains graphic depictions of Non-consensual sexual violence involving multiple perpetrators, assault, forced magical suppression, torture, and psychological trauma.

It also explores the emotional aftermath of these events from both the survivor's and the witness's perspectives, including dissociation, soul trauma, and survivor's guilt.

This content is extremely intense and disturbing, even in fictional context.

If these subjects are harmful or triggering for you, please skip this chapter or engage with caution.

Your well-being matters. 💛

Pairing: Azriel x F!Reader

Genre: angst, romcom, humor, fish out of water reader, canon (ish)

Summary: Murdered after a late-night study session in the modern world, you awaken in Prythian—still yourself, but with Fae features and the infamous title of Beron’s cold-hearted and ruthless daughter.

Then, fate snaps the mating bond into place between you and the shadowsinger, Azriel—who rejects it so fiercely, even the magic recoils.

You died a healer. You woke up a villain. Now fate’s mated you to who wants nothing to do with either—you’ll prove them all wrong, one heartbeat at a time.

Between Two Fires - Masterlist

The poison sang through Azriel's veins.

He had known many darknesses in his long life. The pitch of dungeons where he'd spent his childhood. The velvet of night skies above battlefields. The quiet absence in the spaces between stars that he sometimes thought might be the truest reflection of his own soul.

This was different. This darkness had teeth.

He fought it with the stubbornness that had kept him alive for centuries, each heartbeat a rebellion against surrender. Five hundred years of discipline demanded resistance, even as the toxin wound its way through carefully constructed defenses, dismantling the magic that made him immortal, that made him himself.

As his consciousness began to fray at the edges, Azriel became aware of your hands moving over his wound. Gentle, despite everything. Purposeful, despite what he deserved. He had carved rejection between you with the precision of Truth-Teller, and still, you chose to heal rather than harm.

Why? he wanted to ask, but his voice belonged to the poison now.

His body grew heavy, anchored to the realm by pain alone, while something deeper, something golden and ancient, pulled him elsewhere.

The bond that he had feared, that he had rejected, now wrapped around his failing consciousness like a lifeline thrown to a drowning man.

How strange, he thought distantly, that the very thing he'd run from would be his salvation. How fitting, perhaps, that it would lead him not toward light but into another kind of darkness altogether.

Into memory that was not his own.

Into yours.

Time fractured as he slipped between the layers of your shared existence. The shadowsinger who had cataloged centuries of suffering, who had measured pain in careful increments, who had learned to read agony in the minute expressions of his victims... that shadowsinger found himself suddenly, terribly unprepared.

For shadows recognized shadows.

And yours were vast beyond measuring.

He had wandered the darkest corners of Prythian's history. Had memorized the architecture of cruelty across High Fae courts. Had both witnessed and delivered precise suffering when Rhysand's plans required it. Had stared unflinching into abysses that would have shattered lesser beings.

None of it, not one moment in five centuries of darkness, had prepared him for this descent into the quiet catastrophe of your past.

A flash of light—soul-light, memory-light—pierced the veil between worlds.

Azriel drifted through time like smoke through shattered glass.

His shadows, those faithful companions of five centuries, reached ahead as if tasting a forgotten sweetness. They had known darkness in all its forms: the crushing weight of dungeons, the hollow void of night skies, the cold absence between stars.

Yet this darkness was different; it held memory, it held you.

The clearing materialized like a painting rendered in firelight. Autumn in its purest form, not the bitter political machinations of Beron's court, but autumn as it was meant to be.

Leaves burning gold and crimson in their slow, beautiful death; the scent of earth preparing for slumber; sunlight filtered through a canopy of fire.

And you.

Oh, you.

Azriel had witnessed beauty across realms.

Had seen sunrise over the Sea. Had watched starfall from mountain peaks. Had observed the deadly grace of Illyrian warriors in flight.

None compared to you in this moment, fingers trailing lazy patterns in water, face upturned to dappled light, humming a melody that reached inside him and touched something he'd thought long dead.

He moved closer, drawn by an instinct older than training. His shadows flowed toward you like water finding its natural course, stretching across time to cradle what they could not touch.

What was stolen from you?

What was stolen from us?

The question formed unbidden, startling in its possessiveness. He had rejected the bond, had severed connection with cruel precision. Yet here, witnessing who you had been, something ancient and nameless stirred beneath his ribs.

Recognition. Kinship.

The terrible knowledge that you had been carved from the same wounded material as he, gentle souls forced into weapons by others' cruelty.

A deer approached through sun-dappled shadow. You stilled, becoming statue-perfect save for eyes tracking its cautious advance. Your patience spoke of understanding that trust, once broken, must be earned again through consistent gentleness.

Hadn't he learned that same lesson through centuries of careful friendship with Mor, with Cassian, with Rhys? The parallels between you struck him with physical force.

"There you are," you murmured, voice soft as ember-light. "I was beginning to think you wouldn't come today."

Your smile as the deer accepted your offering...

Mother above, that smile.

It transformed features Azriel had only ever seen hardened by calculated cruelty.

He knelt before you, shadowsinger become supplicant. His scarred hand reached through time to touch what could never be touched. If only he could have known you then.

"Sister! Are you talking to animals again?"

A younger Lucien emerged between trees, whole in ways Azriel had never witnessed: unscarred, unbroken, eyes matched and innocent of horrors to come.

You mock-glared at your brother. "You scared him away."

"He'll be back tomorrow," Lucien replied, dropping beside you with easy confidence that would later be beaten into watchful wariness. "They always come back to you."

"Not if you keep blundering around the forest like a newborn bear."

Your teasing carried genuine warmth. Another revelation. Another piece of a puzzle Azriel hadn't known needed solving.

During war councils, he'd seen only calculated distance between you and your brothers. Had assumed coldness innate rather than learned. How many other assumptions had he made, about you, about himself, about the bond that connected and terrified you both?

Lucien peered at your sketchbook. "More healing herbs? Father won't be pleased."

A shadow crossed your face, swift, suppressed, significant. The spymaster in Azriel recognized that concealment. He'd performed it countless times when Rhys or Cassian ventured too near buried wounds.

"Father doesn't need to know everything."

Secretive, even then.

Hiding gifts meant for healing rather than harming. The irony struck him like a physical blow, you, practicing concealment to protect tenderness; him, practicing tenderness to conceal deadly skill. Mirror images, reversed but matching.

"Your secret's safe with me," Lucien assured, bumping your shoulder companionably. "Though I still think you should show the healers. Your knowledge could help people."

Azriel's shadows stretched toward the sketchbook, trying to preserve that evidence of your true nature. They traced illustrations with the reverence of scholars discovering ancient texts, each careful line a testament to patience, to precision, to purpose beyond pain.

"Maybe someday," you said softly, closing the book. "When the time is right."

Lucien studied you, expression uncharacteristically serious. "You know, sometimes I think you were born into the wrong court. You have fire in you, yes, but not the kind Father values."

"Careful," you warned without heat. "That's dangerously close to treason."

"It's the truth," he insisted. "Your fire heals rather than destroys. There's no shame in that."

You smiled at him, gratitude warming your eyes. "Thank you for seeing me, brother. Sometimes I think you're the only one who does."

I see you now.

Too late. Always too late.

The memory shimmered, edges dissolving into golden light. Azriel's shadows stretched desperately, trying to hold together what was already fading. He recognized approaching tragedy with the intimacy of old lovers, had cataloged its patterns across five centuries of blood and battlefields.

But this was different.

This wasn't witnessing another's pain with professional detachment.

This was feeling the approaching horror as if it were his own, perhaps because, in some cosmic way, it was.

The bond connecting you had transcended time, had brought him to this moment not as observer but as participant.

"Get out."

Your voice, your subconscious, rippled through his consciousness. Not memory but imminent confrontation.

"These aren't yours to see."

His shadows recoiled instinctively. They recognized boundaries of pain; he had taught them such restraint over centuries. Never take more than necessary. Never violate another's suffering without purpose.

"Forgive me," he whispered to the dissolving scene, to the girl you had been, to the female you had become.

But the bond pulled harder, golden thread becoming golden chain. It dragged him deeper against both your wills, into darkness shot through with winter frost. The memory of what was lost gave way to the horror of its taking.

The golden bond between them trembled violently, a dying star collapsing in on itself.

Azriel had endured five centuries of war, interrogation, and depravity, but nothing—nothing—had prepared him for this.

The bond yanked his consciousness sideways, tearing him from the Autumn Court gardens. His wings instinctively flared to catch himself, but there was no physical space to navigate.

Only the golden thread connecting your souls remained, pulsing with ancient magic no shadowsinger's training could have prepared him for.

For a breathless, eternal moment, he was neither here nor there, suspended in a liminal space where time ceased meaning. His shadows curled protectively around him like children seeking shelter, sensing danger but finding nothing tangible to fight.

The disorientation was unlike anything he'd experienced... worse than winnowing gone wrong, more violating than even Rhysand's mind-walking.

Then, with violent clarity, the memory crystallized around him.

Winter Court's delegation feast, perhaps two centuries ago.

Azriel's soul wept before his mind could comprehend why.

Some deep, primal part of him already knew what awaited, even as his conscious thoughts scrambled to make sense of this displacement.

His shadows thinned and spread, seeking purchase in a reality that wasn't quite real, their agitation mirroring the frantic beating of his heart.

The Winter Court's great hall breathed frost with each collective exhale of its occupants. Ice sculptures depicting the hunt lined the walls: predator and prey frozen in eternal pursuit. Unlike most diplomatic celebrations, the atmosphere carried an undercurrent of tension that made Azriel's centuries-honed instincts scream in alarm.

His spectral form tried to reach for Truth-Teller, muscle memory responding to perceived threat, only to grasp emptiness.

His shadows writhed in distress, seeking the familiar weight of his blade and finding nothing but memory and mist.

The opulence was obscene.

The mingling of courts created a sensory tapestry too vivid for mere recollection. This wasn't simply remembering; the bond had made him a witness to something far more intimate than memory.

Each detail assaulted his senses with precision that bordered on torture: the warm copper-gold light of Autumn Court chandeliers battling the crystalline blue radiance of Winter Court magic. Heat and frost waged their ancient war in the very air. He could taste the conflict on his tongue: cinnamon and woodsmoke overwhelmed by the sharp, cutting bite of fresh snow.

His gaze found you immediately.

Like a compass finding true north, like a dying man seeking water, like a shadow yearning for darkness. As if his entire being had been calibrated to locate you regardless of time or distance.

You stood alone.

A rush of protective fury surged through him, shocking in its intensity. His heart stuttered beneath the phantom sensation of ribs.

Isolation in court gatherings was never accidental. Never safe.

Centuries as Rhys's spymaster had taught him to recognize patterns of predation across courts. His fingers itched for Truth-Teller, his oldest companion, his most faithful tool. Helplessness clawed at him, a suffocating weight pressing on his chest.

The shadows around him whimpered, actually whimpered, a sound he'd never heard from them before.

They sensed his distress and shared it, amplified it, until the feeling threatened to drown him entirely.

The golden gown you wore was a declaration of defiance, burnished amber and molten copper in a sea of Winter Court blues and silvers.

Your hair caught torchlight and transformed it, not merely reflecting but enhancing, as if you were the source of all flame in the room.

You were beautiful. And you were in danger.

His stomach twisted with dread, primal and overwhelming.

Was this what drowning felt like?

This crushing weight on his chest, this burning in his lungs?

Azriel's shadows condensed into dark ribbons that strained toward you, as if to warn or protect, before dissolving against the immutable barrier of time. His wings flexed, the phantom sensation of battle-readiness coursing through him. Every instinct screamed a warning his conscious mind was still piecing together.

"Please," he whispered to the uncaring void of memory. "Please let me be wrong."

The pattern revealed itself with terrible clarity: your position near the high windows, too far from Autumn Court allies; the subtle shifting of Winter Court nobles creating a barrier of blue and silver bodies; the way servants had stopped offering you wine, isolating you from even that minor protection.

You had been positioned precisely like prey before a winter hunt.

Separated. Isolated. Displayed.

The male who approached moved with a predator's grace that made Azriel's shadows coil and hiss. Snow-white skin with veins of palest blue visible beneath, like cracks in ancient ice. Eyes deeper than midwinter midnight. Lips curved in a smile that held no warmth, only the promise of devastation disguised as passion.

"Lord Kieraven," the name pulled from Azriel's spectral lips before he could stop it. Knowledge that wasn't his flooded his consciousness. Distant cousin to Kallias. Not powerful enough to rule but privileged enough to remain untouchable.

Known for his particular fondness for fire magic—specifically, for extinguishing it.

Memory fragments flickered through Azriel's mind. Intelligence reports he'd filed centuries ago about Winter Court power structures, snippets about Kieraven that hadn't seemed significant then.

He recalled, with sudden clarity, dispatching the Winter lord himself during the war with Hybern. The noble's dying expression flashed in his mind—shock that the shadowsinger had chosen him specifically from the battlefield.

A fierce, vindictive satisfaction blazed through Azriel's veins. His shadows danced with savage pleasure. He hadn't known why he'd felt compelled to end that particular noble, but the bond was showing him now. Some part of him had sensed a debt needing payment. His only regret was that death had come too quickly, too mercifully, for what Kieraven had done.

"Lady of Autumn," Kieraven murmured, voice like a frozen river, smooth surface hiding killing currents beneath. "Your beauty outshines even your court's legendary fire."

Azriel's shadows thinned to razor edges, stretching toward Kieraven as if to flay him where he stood. Rage boiled through him, ancient and terrible. His carefully constructed walls of control crumbled with each passing second, shadows twisting into unrecognizable shapes that reflected his growing horror.

You replied with practiced diplomacy, your voice carrying the measured cadence of someone raised in political battlefields. "You honor me with such words, Lord Kieraven, though I suspect you offer them to all visiting diplomats."

The words themselves were forgotten the moment they left your lips as Azriel cataloged what others would miss.

The infinitesimal tightening of your fingers around your goblet, nails pressing white half-moons into your palms; the barely perceptible shift of weight to your back foot; the subtle scanning of the room for allies. Fight-or-flight instinct already activated while your conscious mind still navigated court politics.

Azriel recognized your fear—had cataloged such micro-expressions for centuries. But never had another's fear affected him so viscerally. His own heartbeat accelerated to match yours, his muscles tensing in unconscious mimicry of your readiness to flee. The bond between you vibrated with shared dread.

"Not flattery if it's true." Kieraven's fingers, long and elegant, tipped with the faintest blue that spoke of controlled Winter magic, brushed yours as he offered a goblet. The touch lingered, a deliberate invasion of your space, possession disguised as courtesy.

Azriel's awareness expanded, taking in the entire room with the tactical precision five centuries of spycraft had honed. Five Winter Court nobles had shifted positions, creating a subtle perimeter. Two Autumn Court guards who should have been nearby had disappeared entirely. Eris was engaged across the hall, deep in conversation with three Winter nobles, his back deliberately turned.

Not coincidence. Planned separation.

Understanding slammed into Azriel like a physical blow. This had been orchestrated. The separation from protection. The isolation. The calculated approach. Eris's convenient distraction.

A wave of self-loathing crashed through him, bitter as poison.

Recognition hit him with sickeningly familiar weight.

How many females had he witnessed in the shadows as they were cornered by powerful males? How many reports had he filed on violations when information was deemed more valuable than intervention?

Acid shame flooded his mouth, bitter and burning.

The taste of complicity. He wanted to vomit, to scream, to tear Kieraven limb from limb—but most of all, he wanted to erase his own culpability in centuries of similar predations, all justified in the name of intelligence gathering.

"Perhaps we might speak privately," Kieraven suggested, hand settling at the small of your back, fingers splayed possessively over your gown.

Even through memory, Azriel could feel the winter chill emanating from that touch. Not physical cold but something darker, an intent that frosted the very air between you.

His shadows lashed toward Kieraven again—a futile gesture against a memory two centuries old. Yet the violence of his reaction disturbed him.

His breathing came in short, sharp bursts, his vision narrowing until all he could see was the Winter lord's hand defiling the gold silk of your gown.

You attempted retreat, voice maintaining the careful neutrality of court politics. "I'm afraid I must decline, my lord. My father expects—"

The transformation was instantaneous. Charm to cruelty in the space between heartbeats. Kieraven's face hardened, frost literally forming around his fingertips where they dug into your waist.

"Your father expects you to secure Winter Court's goodwill." His voice dropped to a whisper meant for your ears alone, but the bond carried it to Azriel with perfect clarity. "Don't you think it's time you fulfilled your purpose?"

Kieraven's meaning crystallized with terrible clarity in Azriel's mind. The specific way he emphasized "fulfilled your purpose" carried centuries of entitlement, of females treated as currency between courts. A transaction Beron had clearly authorized.

The question burned like acid.

Now, seeing you—feeling through the bond your rising fear masked behind diplomatic composure—made him realize how hollow those justifications had been.

You lifted your chin, summoning dignity that made Azriel's chest ache with unexpected pride. "You misunderstand my purpose here, Lord Kieraven. I represent Autumn Court's diplomatic interests, not its... hospitality services."

The refusal was measured, diplomatic, final. Delivered with the poise of someone born and bred to navigate deadly courts.

Something that might have been admiration flickered through Azriel. A strange warmth blossomed in his chest, so at odds with the horror of witnessing what he couldn't change.

Kieraven's face contorted with quiet rage, "You'll regret that choice."

The memory shifted, the great hall dissolving into a more intimate scene.

You slipping from the gathering, seeking momentary solitude in a corridor adorned with Autumn Court's sigils. A place where you should have been safe.

Azriel recognized your tactical error immediately and wanted to scream a warning across time. No diplomat should ever seek isolation during hostile negotiations.

His centuries of training screamed at the vulnerability of your position—alone in a corridor, away from witnesses, in hostile territory. The terror of foreknowledge clawed at his throat, wild and desperate.

Please, no.

The sound of footsteps echoed against stone walls. Not one set, but many.

Azriel's body tensed, shadows coiling around him like armor as he braced for what he knew would come. He found himself at your side, unable to affect events yet unwilling to abandon you to face this alone.

Every sinew in his spectral form strained against the constraints of time and memory, his very essence rebelling against his role as helpless witness.

"Did you really think you could embarrass me before both courts without consequence?" Kieraven's voice carried a chill that frosted the very air between you.

You turned to find Kieraven blocking the corridor. Eleven other Winter Court males emerged from adjoining passageways. Surrounding you. Cutting off every escape route. The precise formation spoke of planning, of premeditation.

Azriel's spymaster mind calculated odds with the detachment of centuries of training—twelve against one, a female without combat skills, in a hostile territory with magic designed specifically to counter her natural abilities.

No possibility of victory. No chance of escape. The clinical assessment made him hate himself all the more.

"What is the meaning of this?" Your voice remained steady despite the fear-scent that filled the memory-space, so potent Azriel could taste your terror on his tongue. "My father will—"

"Your father," Kieraven interrupted, frost patterns forming on the walls around him as his control slipped, "sent you to us as a gift. One you refused to properly deliver."

The words hit Azriel like a physical blow, confirmation of his worst suspicion. This hadn't been opportunistic predation. This had been arranged. Sanctioned. Sold. The brutal truth of it cleaved through his composure, leaving raw, bleeding fury in its wake.

He fought against the memory's pull with everything he had, shadows lashing wild patterns against the constraints of time and space.

He cried your name, the sound tearing from his throat with such force it should have shattered the memory-walls around them. The scream echoed in the void between past and present, carrying five hundred years of rage and helplessness.

"STOP!"

Your voice, your subconscious, tore through the memory-space, desperate and raw.

Shadows that were not Azriel's surged between him and the memory, trying to block his view. The bond trembled violently, the golden thread connecting you stretching so thin it seemed it might snap.

"I don't want you to see this."

The memory surged forward, implacable as fate itself.

What followed unfolded with merciless clarity.

Kieraven struck first.

He grabbed you by the throat and slammed you into the wall so hard the stone behind you cracked. The impact forced the air from your lungs.

Your vision spun. Cold rolled off his skin in waves. Not the ordinary chill of Winter Court nobility, but something deeper. Something ancient. The kind of cold that settled into marrow, that crawled into the soul.

"The Autumn Court bitch thinks herself better than us," he spat, leaning close, his breath frosting the air between you. "But look how easily she burns."

You struggled. Your hands sparked, the fire in your veins instinctive, but it flickered once, then vanished.

A second male seized your wrist, another your ankle. Cold hands.

Magic laced through their fingers as they dragged you down, tearing your gown as they did. The fabric shredded under them, silk splitting like skin. Your scream followed, a raw, animal sound, but it was cut off too quickly. Kieraven's hand clamped over your mouth.

Azriel fell to his knees.

His shadows scattered like startled birds.

His heart didn't beat, it convulsed.

The bond pulled taut, a golden thread soaked red with what was coming.

His mouth opened to scream. Nothing came. Not your name. Not his own. Only air. Only silence.

Only memory that wouldn't stop bleeding.

Your body thrashed in their grip, but already you were surrounded.

Four males. Then six.

Then more.

Their bodies a cage of silver and blue. Their eyes glittered, not with lust, but with domination. With power. With ritual.

Ice magic bloomed across your bare skin, slow and creeping like frost over glass. It wasn't just suppression, it was invasion. It slipped beneath your skin, laced through your blood, calcified your flame. You writhed as your magic betrayed you, collapsed inside you, turned brittle and useless.

Your screams froze in your throat before they could even leave.

The silence wasn't still.

It screamed.

Azriel clawed at his chest, as if he could rip the bond out of his ribcage. As if he could stop feeling your bones break through his own skin.

His hands trembled. No grip. No ground. No breath.

Even his shadows refused him. They huddled in corners, flickering with grief. No blades. No barriers. No salvation.

Your limbs were forced outward. Your wrists pinned to cold stone. Ankles held wide.

Every inch of you exposed to their cruelty.

The chill on your skin was more than winter, it was shame. A shame so visceral it burned hotter than your fire ever had.

You tried to fight, gods, you tried, but they were prepared.

Each hand on your body was placed with precision. Each move choreographed. Your power suppressed. Your limbs restrained. Your mouth silenced.

One male took your face in his hand and turned it toward him. "The fire's gone now," he said with a grin. "Now we see what's left underneath."

The others laughed. That laughter echoed off stone walls like the shattering of glass.

Azriel's shadows clawed at the barriers of time until they bled smoke.

His skin split open in sympathy with yours, invisible wounds mirroring every violation. Through the ringing in his ears, he heard someone calling his name.

Rhys? No, it was you. Not present you, but the girl you were before they ruined you. Screaming, sobbing, begging, whispering his name like a prayer in a language he didn't know how to answer.

He reached for Truth-Teller, for wings, for any weapon, any strength he had ever possessed. His hands passed through memory, through time, grasping nothing.

Sweat beaded on his skin despite the cold. Bile rose in his throat. The room spun, reality fracturing around him while you suffered in perfect clarity.

He was a boy again. Hands nailed to stone. Blood in his mouth. But it wasn't his. It was yours.

His memories collapsed in on themselves until there was no line between past and present, between who had suffered and who was suffering now.

They touched you. Violated you.

Passed you from hand to hand like a thing. They didn't speak after the first, no taunts, no questions, no pleasure. Only duty. Only cruelty. As if this was a rite. A purge.

Each of the thirteen took something.

One crushed your fire.

Another twisted your arm until it snapped.

A third forced Winter magic into your mouth, through your teeth, until your tongue blistered.

One dislocated your hip.

Another froze your feet to the floor until your skin split open when you were torn free.

There was no dignity in this. Only desecration.

Pain was constant.

It had no beginning, no crescendo, no mercy.

And through the bond, Azriel felt it all.

As if it were happening to him. As if his own body were being torn apart while his mind remained intact, forced to witness, to experience, to understand.

Azriel's scarred hands trembled uncontrollably against the memory-floor. Sweat drenched his body, his leathers clinging to his skin as violent tremors wracked his frame. Blood filled his mouth where he'd bitten through his tongue, metallic and sharp. He couldn't feel his wings anymore, they'd gone numb with his horror, hanging like dead weight from his back.

The guilt wrapped around his throat like a rope, each second dragging tighter.

He should have known. Should have seen. Should have been there. He hadn't. And now it was carved into him, a sin that would never stop bleeding.

Your body shut down. Your mind tried to flee. He felt that too, the disassociation.

The split.

The moment when you began to float outside yourself, watching from somewhere above. The only defense left to you.

He could feel your soul splinter.

A thread snapped.

Something sacred was torn.

And he mourned.

His body convulsed. It wasn't a sob, but something more primal, a physical rejection of what he witnessed.

His stomach heaved, emptying itself onto the memory-floor. Shadows poured from his mouth with the bile, twisting into shapes of such anguish that they became unrecognizable.

His face contorted, veins standing out on his temples as he fought for breath against the crushing weight of your trauma.

He, the great shadowsinger. The killer of kings. The nightmare in the dark. On his knees in a memory he could not stop, unable to do anything but scream into the void and feel your suffering as his own. Five centuries of training.

Five centuries of killing. Five centuries of power. All meaningless in this moment. He could not save you. He could not even look away.

One noble bent to whisper in your ear. "This is what you were born for."

Azriel's shadows exploded. Darkness erupted outward from him in a tidal wave, tearing through the memory like a silent storm. He knew it would do nothing. He knew the past could not be touched.

But it didn't matter.

He would not let it go unanswered.

The scene shifted, a jarring transition.

Autumn Court guards discovered your body, their shock at finding you still breathing evident in their careful handling. Their whispers reached Azriel with perfect clarity.

"How is she still alive?"

"No one could survive this."

"Her pelvis is completely shattered," one guard reported, voice shaking. "Both legs broken. Five ribs puncturing her lungs. Her right shoulder and elbow dislocated. Three fingers on the left hand missing entirely. Frost magic in her bloodstream. And the... the internal damage..." He couldn't continue.

But you had survived. Somehow.

You survived.

Azriel fell forward, pressing his forehead to the memory-floor. His wings draped over you both, a shield against horror he couldn't escape. His shoulders shook with silent reverence. The survivor in him recognized something in you that transcended the breaking, a core of steel that even torture couldn't reach.

Where I might have surrendered, you endured.

Then Beron, standing over your healing table, face twisted not with fury at what had been done to his daughter, but with contempt at the political complication your assault created.

"Foolish girl," he hissed, flames erupting around his clenched fists, casting ominous shadows across your broken body. "Did I not tell you to behave appropriately? To represent this court with dignity?"

Something in Azriel broke.

A sound erupted from him, part growl, part scream, all predator. His lips pulled back from his teeth in a feral snarl.

His shadows solidified, taking physical form for the first time in memory. Truth-Teller appeared in his hand, conjured from pure hatred. His pupils dilated until his eyes were black pools rimmed with gold fire.

"I will end you," he promised Beron, the words a vow written in blood. "Father or not. High Lord or not. For this alone, you die."

The killing rage that surged through him transcended anything he'd experienced in five centuries of battle. His shadows lashed out with such violent force that the memory itself seemed to waver.

"She was found at the border," one healer reported quietly, hands shaking as they hovered over your wounds. "Impaled on a Winter Court tree."

"And the perpetrators?" Beron's voice held no concern for you, only calculation.

"No trace, my lord."

Beron's expression hardened further. "Say nothing of this. To anyone. Not even her mother or brothers."

"But my lord, she requires—"

"She requires discretion," Beron interrupted, voice deadly soft. "Heal her body if you can. But this incident never happened. Is that understood?"

The healers nodded, terror evident in their trembling hands as they resumed work on your shattered body. No one dared speak against the High Lord, though their expressions betrayed their horror at his callousness.

"You failed her," Azriel snarled, the words meaningless to ears that could not hear him. "You all failed her."

Azriel could only watch with mounting horror as the healers worked over your broken form.

Something in your eyes began to change.

The light dimming, the spark of the woman he'd glimpsed by the forest pool fading into nothingness. Blue frost patterns remained beneath your skin where Winter magic had taken root, refusing to dissipate despite the healers' efforts.

And then came the transformation that truly chilled him to the bone.

Over the following weeks, as your body healed but your spirit remained shattered, Azriel witnessed it.

The memory timeline accelerated, showing flickering moments across months, then years, to centuries.

Your eyes, once warm with compassion, grew cold and calculating. The curve of your lips, once quick to smile, hardened into a permanent sneer. Your hands, which had once healed with gentle touch, now dealt pain with mechanical precision.

You became what trauma had forged. A weapon.

Your first kill came three months after the assault. A servant who spilled wine on your gown during a feast. The room fell silent as you placed your hand against his chest and channeled fire directly into his heart.

His body crumpled to ash before it hit the floor. You didn't blink. Didn't flinch. Just returned to your meal while servants hastily swept away the remains.

Beron's smile that night was one of sick pride.

Azriel recognized the hollowness in your eyes. His own stared back at him from countless reflections after his own torture. The void where something vital once lived. He had almost become this, would have become this without his brothers. The knowledge settled in his gut like stone.

The second kill followed a week later. A courtier who dared mention the Winter Court in your presence.

His screams echoed through the castle for hours before he finally died, his body a testament to your newfound creativity with flame.

By the time another year had passed, your reputation had spread throughout Prythian. The Lady of Autumn, they called you in whispers. Cold as Winter but burning with Autumn's fire. A contradiction wrapped in cruelty. Beautiful and untouchable. Those who approached too closely vanished in screams and ash.

Through the bond, he felt it happen.

Your soul fracturing, tearing, one piece clinging desperately to your body while another fled, seeking escape from unbearable pain.

Azriel reached forward with trembling fingers, trying to hold the pieces together. His shadows joined his effort, stretching toward the breaking golden light of your essence. His face contorted with desperate concentration, as if by sheer will he could prevent what had already happened.

It wasn't instantaneous. The fracture began that night in the Winter Court corridor, widened during the hours on the tree, and continued to split during the weeks of physical healing.

Each new callous comment from Beron, each dismissal of your suffering, each night of untreated nightmares widened the crack.

Until finally, during a particularly horrific flashback, something broke completely.

One remained tethered to your Fae body, calcifying into something cold and lethal. The other fled, across worlds, across realities, seeking refuge in a form untouched by Prythian's horrors.

It felt like his own soul was being torn apart.

His shadows split into two distinct groups. One remaining with his spectral form, the other flowing toward you on the healing table, instinctively trying to hold the pieces of your soul together.

But they couldn't. Nothing could. The tear was too profound, the wound too deep.

His consciousness followed the fleeing half of your soul, pulled by the golden bond that connected you. The memory-vision blurred, reality dissolving into golden light that surrounded him, buoyed him, carried him across the boundaries between worlds.

The experience was nothing like winnowing, which merely folded space within Prythian. This was a shattering of cosmic barriers, a journey across realities that shouldn't have been possible.

The hospital room materialized around him with shocking clarity.

Sterile white walls, strange beeping devices, tubes and wires connecting the still form on the bed to machines he couldn't comprehend.

Your human form, so similar to your Fae body yet subtly different. Softer. More fragile. Untouched by the horrors your other half had endured.

Around the bed, human figures, family, he supposed, maintained their vigil. A woman who shared your human features wept silently, holding your unresponsive hand. A male, perhaps a father or brother, stood by the window, face haggard with grief.

"Come back to us," the woman whispered, and Azriel felt the words reach toward your soul across the void that separated conscious thought from wherever you had retreated.

But he could see what they could not, the golden thread that connected this human vessel to a Fae body in another world entirely.

You found a way to survive.

When there was no escape, you created one.

Azriel lurched awake with a strangled gasp, wings flaring violently in the pre-dawn darkness.

Shadows exploded from his skin, not with their usual controlled precision but in chaotic bursts that plunged the room into impenetrable night. His scarred hand seized Truth-Teller before his eyes had fully opened.

Then he felt it—wetness tracking down his face.

Tears. In five centuries of nightmares, of reliving his own torture and the weight of countless deaths, he had never once cried in his sleep.

"You were crying."

Your voice cut through his darkness like the first light of dawn. His senses, always razor-sharp, had failed to detect your presence—he'd been too consumed by the visions the bond had forced upon him.

His eyes found you standing at the foot of his bed. Morning light filtered through the windows, limning you in amber and gold, turning your hair to living flame. The sight of you stole what little breath remained in his lungs.

"Bad dreams?" you asked.

Something in how you said it—the understanding that only comes from walking through nightmares yourself—made his shadows curl back protectively around him.

"The bond shows me things," Azriel said, watching your reaction carefully. "Your world. The hospital room where part of you still dreams. The machines keeping watch with their steady, metallic heartbeats."

Your sharp intake of breath seemed to pull all oxygen from the room. Fear flashed across your face, not of him, but of truths you weren't ready to face.

"You've seen... my other life?" The words barely formed a whisper.

Azriel nodded once. His shadows coiled tighter, though rebellious tendrils still strained toward the answering golden light beneath your skin.

"I've seen your human family," he said, gaze never leaving yours. "Their vigil at your bedside. The prayers they whisper over your unmoving hands. Their refusal to surrender hope."

The color drained from your face as you stepped back. "How much do you know?"

His shadows reacted to his inner conflict, painting the walls with frantic, jagged patterns.

The bond had shown him everything, your assault, your soul's desperate flight from unbearable pain, but he could see those memories remained locked behind walls your mind had built to protect itself.

"I know enough," he said finally, voice gentling despite the rage still simmering beneath his skin. "I know you exist between worlds, suspended between lives, belonging fully to neither."

He watched your face for signs of distress, of memories threatening to surface. But he saw only confusion and wariness, and beneath that, desperate hope that someone finally understood.

"There are...gaps," you admitted, so quietly only Fae hearing could catch it. "Times I can't remember. Feelings that appear from nowhere, like I'm borrowing someone else's heart."

The admission seemed to surprise you as much as him, a vulnerability you hadn't meant to reveal. The bond pulsed in response, acknowledging the trust such words required.

"Sometimes the mind shields us from what we're not ready to remember," Azriel said softly. His wings shifted unconsciously, creating a sheltered space that included you within their span. "There's no shame in that."

Your eyes widened, understanding dawning like stars appearing one by one. "You know more than you're telling me."

Azriel's silence was answer enough.

A single tear escaped down your cheek. The mating bond flared in response, golden light seeping through both your bodies like twin flames fed by the same source.

"Why won't you tell me everything?" you whispered.

"Because some truths should be followed to their source, not poured into unprepared vessels," he said, his voice steady despite the storm raging inside him. "And because choice was stolen from you once. I won't be another thief."

Something in your expression shifted at his words, a wall crumbling, a door creaking open. Your fear softened to cautious wonder.

"You really mean that," you said, half statement, half question.

"I've had five centuries to learn the sanctity of choice," Azriel replied, the ghosts of his own trauma briefly visible in his eyes. "Of agency. Of deciding one's own fate when all other freedoms have been stolen."

Ember and Sizzle materialized beside you, their pink flame forms crackling protectively. They studied Azriel with suspicious intensity before Ember cautiously approached. The tiny creature hopped onto the bed, then settled near Azriel's scarred hand. Not touching, but close.

"I should go," you said finally. "The healers are expecting me."

Azriel nodded, making no move to stop you.

But as you turned to leave, something broke inside him, some final barrier between duty and need.

With a wince he couldn't hide, Azriel pushed himself from the bed. His movements betrayed the wounds still healing beneath his leathers. Shadows curled around him as he crossed the chamber in three swift strides.

Then, before you could react, he knelt at your feet.

The gesture was so unexpected, so contrary to everything you knew of the feared shadowsinger, that you stepped back. But Azriel remained where he was, head bowed, shadows spread around him like wings darker than those folded against his back.

"I make this vow to you," he said, voice raw with emotion he'd stopped trying to hide. "Not because the bond demands it, but because I have seen all that you are across worlds and cannot bear the thought of your light dimming."

Your breath caught in your throat. The weight of his words pressed against your chest, not crushing, but anchoring you to this moment.

He looked up, meeting your startled gaze with eyes that burned with such fierce devotion it stole what little breath remained.

Five centuries of controlled fury now focused solely on you with the precision of a blade crafted for one purpose.

"I vow that no one, not Beron, not the courts, not reality itself will ever again inscribe your destiny but you." His voice shook with the effort of laying himself bare. "Your choices will be yours alone."

His hands trembled at his sides, the effort it took not to reach for you written in every line of his body.

"Even if—" His voice faltered, and for the first time in five centuries, the shadowsinger struggled to master himself. "Even if those choices lead you away from me."

The bond between you flared, golden light bleeding through both your skins, responding to truth where pretty words would have fallen short.

The shadows around him deepened, no longer the calculated extensions of his will but raw manifestations of his soul laid bare. They created a living circle of darkness that surrounded you both, intimate as a whispered confession.

"I vow to stand between you and harm," he continued, each word carved from his very being, "not because you lack strength, but because you've already carried too much alone."

His voice dropped lower, until each word felt like a caress against your skin.

"I vow to be the silence that listens when you speak," he said, "the darkness that shelters when light wounds. To learn your silences, to honor your spirit in all its broken, beautiful glory."

His scarred hands—instruments of centuries of death—remained at his sides, making no move to touch you.

His fingers curled into fists, as if physically restraining themselves from reaching for what they had no right to claim.

"I vow to be patient as mountains, steadfast as stars." The tendons in his neck strained with the effort of offering everything while asking nothing. "To wait centuries if needed, to accept only what you freely give."

The chamber around you seemed to hold its breath as his final words took form.

"I bind myself not to you, but to your freedom," he said, the vow settling around you both like a constellation newly born, "your right to determine what you become."

You stood frozen, overwhelmed by what he offered. No male in your experience had ever placed a female's sovereignty above even a mating bond's demands.

"Azriel, get up," you finally managed, the word barely audible.

Azriel obeyed immediately, returning to his full height though he remained close enough that his scent—night-chilled stone and cedar—enveloped you like the promise of shelter in storm.

"Why?" The question escaped before you could stop it.

His gaze did not waver. "Because in five centuries of darkness, I never knew I was blind until your light showed me my own soul."

The simplicity of his answer, the raw honesty of it, nearly undid you.

"Can you..." you began, then faltered. Taking a deep breath, you tried again. "Can you help me find my way back? Home, I mean. To my real body."

For a heartbeat, everything showed on Azriel's face—the devastation of your request, the selfish desire to refuse. The bond between you spasmed as if in physical pain. His shadows recoiled, then coiled tighter as if protecting him from a blow that had already landed.

But then, deliberately, he mastered himself. His expression smoothed into something that cost him dearly to maintain.

"If that is your heart's true desire," he said, each word a river of emotion carefully channeled between banks of control, "then I will tear apart the fabric between worlds with my bare hands if it would grant you peace."

The promise clearly flayed him alive—you could see it in the tightening of his jaw, the subtle tensing of his wings, the way his shadows trembled, but he made it anyway. Honoring your choice even as it carved pieces from his soul.

"Thank you," you whispered, the words inadequate but all you could manage past the tightness in your throat.

Azriel inclined his head, accepting your gratitude though it must have felt like swallowing fire.

You took a step back, needing space to process what had just happened. The flame bunnies followed, though Ember cast one last look at Azriel before reluctantly joining you.

At the door, you paused, looking back. "I don't know what I'll choose in the end."

The hope that flared in his eyes was quickly banked, carefully controlled, but unmistakable as sunrise. "Whatever you choose," he said, voice steady only through centuries of discipline, "I will honor it as I would honor my own heartbeat."

Something that might have been a smile ghosted across your lips before you turned away. The sight of it made his heart clench in his chest, a glimpse of possibility where before he had seen only walls.

The door closed behind you with a soft click that echoed in the hollow space of your chest.

Azriel remained perfectly still for several heartbeats after you left.

The memory clung to him like smoke, seeping into his skin, his lungs, his bones. His scarred hands trembled uncontrollably as he tried to breathe through the aftershocks.

He made it three steps before his knees buckled. Truth-Teller clattered to the floor.

Then came the sound, not a sob, not a growl. Just something breaking.

Your screams still echoed in his ears. The cold of that corridor. The laughter of those males. The smell of your blood on snow.

The room was too quiet now. Too still. A silence that rang louder than your screams.

He lurched toward the bathroom, barely making it before his stomach emptied itself. His shoulders heaved as he retched, tasting bile and fury and impotent rage.

When there was nothing left to purge, he slid to the floor, back against the cold tile wall. His wings dragged awkwardly, joints refusing to cooperate.

The first tear fell then, sliding silently down his cheek. Another followed. Then another, until his face was wet with grief.

Five centuries of discipline shattered like glass as sobs tore from his throat. Each one painful. Each one raw. His shadows recoiled from him, terrified by this display of emotion from their master who had taught them control above all else.

I failed you.

The thought crushed against his ribs like a physical weight.

Mother above, I failed you.

He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to stop the violent trembling that had overtaken his body. The scars on his palms caught on the leather of his fighting clothes as he clutched at his own shoulders.

He had never broken like this. Not during his imprisonment in that lightless cell. Not in the centuries of blood and battlefields that followed. He had built his reputation on control, on emotionless precision, on perfect, deadly calm.

I should have been there.

I should have known.

Gods, I failed you.

The thoughts repeated, blades twisting deeper with each iteration. The tears wouldn't stop. They flowed as if an ancient dam had finally broken, carrying centuries of suppressed emotion. He buried his face in his hands, shoulders shaking with the force of his anguish.

His shadows finally approached cautiously, curling around him like concerned children. They had never seen their master like this, utterly broken open, utterly vulnerable.

They will pay.

The thought formed with perfect, crystalline clarity amidst his grief.

Every one of them still living.

Every one who touched you.

Every one who watched.

He saw it again, the moment your soul tore in two. Remembered the sound, like silk ripping, like a star dying. The terrible beauty of that golden light splitting, one half fleeing across worlds, the other calcifying into armor around what remained.

This understanding only made him crumble further, made his chest heave with sobs that felt like they might break his ribs. He tried to regain control, tried to force the tears to stop, but they continued to pour down his face, dripping onto the tile floor beneath him.

In this moment, he wasn't Rhysand's shadowsinger. Wasn't the Night Court's most feared assassin. He was just a male, kneeling alone on a bathroom floor, heart breaking for suffering he couldn't prevent.

The shadows tried to comfort him, wrapping around his shoulders, his wings, his trembling hands. But they couldn't reach the wound that had been torn open inside him, the raw, bleeding awareness of his failure to protect something precious.

I'll guard what remains.

The vow formed somewhere beneath the tears, solid as stone.

I'll never fail you again.

He rested his forehead on his knees, arms wrapped around his legs, making himself as small as possible, as if he could somehow contain the devastating grief that poured from him.

For the first time in five centuries, Azriel, shadowsinger of the Night Court, cried until there were no tears left to shed. Until his throat was raw and his eyes were swollen. Until his shadows had gathered around him in silent vigil, witnessing this transformation, this breaking, this rebirth.

His shadows, once wild and frantic, began to still. As if recognizing the shape of a vow. As if honoring it.

Finally, when the tears subsided into occasional shuddering breaths, he lifted his face. His eyes were bloodshot, his features swollen with grief.

I will find them all.

The oath settled in his bones with cold finality.

And when I do, death will seem a mercy.

He pushed himself up, movements stiff and pained. In the mirror, he barely recognized himself, face ravaged by tears, eyes red-rimmed and swollen, shadows still curling protectively around his shoulders.

He looked like what he was: a male who had witnessed something unholy and been forever changed by it.

He splashed cold water on his face, the chill a shock against his heated skin. Then he straightened, squared his shoulders, and faced his reflection. Not to check the damage, but to look himself in the eyes.

To bear it. To earn the right to one day bear your gaze again.

I am yours, as you are mine. Whether you want me or not.

The vow settled in his bones with finality. This was his purpose now. Not Rhysand's missions. Not court politics. Not ancient vendettas.

You. All parts of you.

The broken and the healing. The cruel and the kind. The fragments across worlds.

His to protect. His to avenge. His to guard.

He picked up Truth-Teller with unsteady hands.

Not a weapon tonight. Just a reminder.

He opened the bathroom door, shoulders set with new determination.

The grief would come again, he knew. The images would haunt him. But they would also drive him.

He wasn't healed. He wasn't whole. But something had cracked open. Like stone split by frost. And through it, something new might one day grow.

His tears had washed away something old to make room for something new, a shadowsinger with purpose beyond court and war. A male who had finally found something worth fighting for beyond duty and brotherhood.

You.

You stumbled back to your chambers, Azriel's vow reverberating in your mind. Each word had carved itself into your memory with the precision of Truth-Teller's edge.

"Is kneeling and swearing eternal oaths what passes for flirting in Prythian?" you muttered, pressing fingers to your flushed cheeks. "Whatever happened to awkward small talk over wine?"

The bond pulsed in response, a golden thread beneath your skin that sent warmth cascading through your veins.

Ember and Sizzle materialized in twin pops of flame, immediately launching into a dramatic reenactment. Ember dropped to his tiny knees, paws clasped in supplication, mimicking Azriel's intensity with such ridiculous devotion that you snorted despite yourself.

"I'm glad someone finds this amusing," you said, collapsing onto your bed. The mattress sank beneath you, cradling your exhausted body.

Your fingers brushed against the leather journal in your pocket. The worn cover felt warm against your skin. You hesitated, then pulled it out.

"I shouldn't read this," you told the bunnies, already turning pages. "Major invasion of privacy."

The first entry made you choke on a laugh.

"What is a submarine? Some underwater house? Why would anyone put a door with holes in it underwater? Filed under: Makes no sense but I understand completely."

"He's been documenting everything!" you exclaimed, fingertips trembling slightly as you flipped through more pages.

A knock interrupted your reading. A servant bowed when you opened the door.

"My lady, Lords Eris and Lucien request your presence in the eastern gardens. The meeting with Lord Thesan and the shadowsinger has concluded."

Your heart stammered against your ribs. "What meeting?"

"I believe it concerns the Autumn Court," she replied carefully. "They asked for you specifically."

You hurried to the gardens, journal still clutched in your hand. The eternal dawn cast long shadows across the carefully tended paths. As you rounded the final corner, you spotted Eris and Lucien standing with Azriel beneath a blooming tree.

The shadowsinger's back was to you, his wings folded tight against his spine, but his posture changed the moment your scent hit the air.

Lucien looked grim, his metal eye whirring faster than usual. Eris's face was a mask of cold fury, lips pressed into a bloodless line, until he saw you. His expression softened instantly.

Azriel turned, and the raw emotion in his eyes knocked the breath from your lungs. His shadows stretched toward you before he reined them in, but not before one tendril brushed your ankle.

"What's happening?" you demanded, heart pounding. "Why wasn't I included?"

Eris's gaze flicked to Azriel, sharp as a blade. "Shadowsinger, leave us. This is a family matter."

A muscle ticked in Azriel's jaw. His shadows darkened, coiling tightly around him. For a moment, you thought he might refuse, but then he bowed his head in a gesture of surprising deference.

"As you wish," he said quietly. His voice was midnight stone, cool and impenetrable. The words were for Eris, but his eyes found yours. "I'll be nearby if needed."

With that, he dissolved into darkness, though the bond tugged insistently in the direction he'd vanished.

Once he was gone, Eris's shoulders dropped a fraction, the knife-edge of his posture dulling just enough to reveal something more human underneath.

"I've declared the northern territories of Autumn Court in rebellion against Beron," he said, his voice precise as a surgeon's blade. "Dawn Court has granted sanctuary and military aid."

Cold shock washed through you, the bond trembling with your fear. "You're starting a civil war?"

"A war that's been brewing for centuries," Eris replied, each word cut from ice. "Beron's time has ended."

"Why now?" you asked, stomach twisting into knots. "What's changed?"

Lucien moved closer, his expression gentling. Before you could respond, Lucien closed the distance between you. His arms wrapped around you in an embrace so unexpected that you froze, the journal pressed awkwardly between you.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, voice breaking. You could feel him trembling. "I'm sorry for failing you. For not being the brother you deserved."

You stood shocked, uncertain how to respond. Over his shoulder, you saw Eris watching, his amber eyes burning with an emotion you'd never witnessed there before.

"I'll protect you," Lucien continued, pulling back to meet your gaze. His metal eye whirred, focusing with fierce intensity. "I swear it on the Mother, on my blood, on whatever remains of my honor."

"We protect our own," Eris echoed. Unlike Lucien, he maintained his distance, but the vow in his voice cut deeper than any blade. "Whatever the cost."

You looked between them, Lucien's open emotion, Eris's restrained intensity, and felt something shift inside you. Not the mating bond, but something equally profound. The bond of family, forged in shared purpose.

"Beron will retaliate," Eris continued, voice hardening until it could have shattered stone. "You can't stay in Dawn Court. It's not defensible enough."

The bond reacted to your rising concern, pulsing beneath your breastbone. It felt like warning, like protection.

"The Night Court has offered sanctuary," Lucien said, his metal eye gleaming with determination.

"The Night Court?" Your voice rose slightly. The bond flared, golden warmth spreading through your chest. "With Azriel?"

Something that might have been amusement flickered in Eris's eyes, there and gone like a spark from a fire. "Despite my personal feelings about the shadowsinger, his protection is... formidable."

"You'll have choices there," Lucien assured you, warmth infusing his words. "You'll have freedom."

The word resonated within you. Your fingers tightened around the journal, its leather warm against your skin.

"Do I have a choice now?" you asked. "Or has this already been decided?"

The brothers exchanged a look laden with centuries of understanding.

"The choice is yours," Lucien said, his voice gentle. "Always."

"But we strongly advise Night Court protection," Eris added, amber eyes never leaving yours.

Ember and Sizzle materialized on your shoulders, sensing your uncertainty. Ember nuzzled against your cheek, his tiny flame form surprisingly comforting. Sizzle puffed herself up, growing to twice her size as if preparing to defend you from your own brothers.

"I'll go to the Night Court," you said finally. The bond hummed in approval, sending warmth through your veins. "But this isn't forever. When Beron is dealt with, I decide where I belong."

"Agreed," Lucien said immediately.

Eris nodded once, the gesture somehow more binding than any oath. "We'll send word when it's safe."

As arrangements were made around you, a shadow tendril briefly touched your hand. Azriel, listening from the darkness, acknowledging your choice without intruding.

The bond responded instantly, golden light briefly visible beneath your skin where the shadow had touched. Not rejection. Not possession. But recognition.

Looking at your brothers, one openly protective, one fiercely reserved, you felt something you hadn't expected. Belonging.

Whatever awaited in your future with a certain shadowsinger, you wouldn't face it alone.

The Dawn Court servants had packed most of your belongings. All that remained were your personal items and deciding which of Azriel's gifts to bring. You stood over the drawer containing them, his journal warm in your hands, your fingers tracing the worn leather cover.

A whisper of darkness gathered at your balcony, like night itself had taken form. Shadows curled and danced in invitation before Azriel himself appeared, moonlight silvering the edges of his wings.

"May I enter?" he asked, his voice deep velvet in the twilight. He remained outside, waiting with a patience that seemed etched into his very being.

You stiffened, heart betraying you with a quickened beat. "Why are you here?"

"Your brothers asked me to check final arrangements," he replied, but something in his eyes, a vulnerability that belied his warrior's stance, suggested another reason entirely.

You nodded, placing the journal back in the drawer. "Fine. Come in."

He stepped inside, wings tucked tight against his back, not the predatory male you'd first met, but someone humbled, careful. You moved to the opposite side of the room, pretending not to notice how the bond between you brightened at his nearness, golden light briefly visible beneath your skin.

Silence stretched between you, fragile as spun glass. Ember and Sizzle materialized, their tiny flame bodies casting warm light across your face. They stayed beside you, but their eyes remained fixed on Azriel with unmistakable longing.

"Are you prepared for tomorrow's journey?" Azriel finally asked, shadows betraying his nervousness, reaching toward you before he pulled them back.

"As prepared as one can be when shuttled between courts like a parcel," you replied, your tone softer than intended. Something about the night, about his presence, made your carefully constructed walls seem suddenly transparent.

He didn't flinch, but his shadows curled inward, as if absorbing your words. "Your world," he said unexpectedly, eyes finding yours across the distance. "What was it like?"

The question caught you off guard. "Why do you want to know?"

His gaze didn't waver. "Because it made you," he answered simply. "And that makes it important."

Your breath caught, the raw honesty disarming you more effectively than any practiced charm. "Is this small talk? Because you're terrible at it."

A smile, rare and beautiful, touched his lips. "Is it working anyway?"

Despite yourself, warmth bloomed in your chest. "Maybe."

"Tell me," he said, voice falling to an intimate murmur that seemed designed for secrets shared in darkness. "Please."

You moved to the balcony, gesturing for him to join you beneath the stars. His scent, night-chilled stone and cedar, enveloped you as he drew near, careful to maintain the space you needed.

"Submarines are vessels that travel underwater," you explained, watching wonder transform his severe features. "Like ships, but beneath the surface."

"And screen doors?"

Your answering laugh surprised you both. "They're mesh doors that keep insects out while letting air in, useless on submarines, hence the saying."

"Your world sounds fascinating," he said, gaze lingering on your smile.

"Says the immortal shadowsinger," you countered, noticing how starlight caught in his eyes, turning them to liquid gold.

His attention fell to your mouth. "What about...yeeting?"

"Oh god." Heat rushed to your face.

Laughter bubbled up from some long-forgotten place inside you. Ember and Sizzle suddenly formed tiny flame balls and flinging them while squeaking what could only be their version of "yeet."

"No, no!" you exclaimed through giggles. "No yeeting fire indoors!"

Azriel's shadows darted out, catching the flame balls before they could cause damage. What happened next stole your breath, darkness and fire merged, spiraling together in a dance of opposing elements that somehow created something new, something beautiful.

"I didn't know they could do that," you whispered, momentarily forgetting the distance you'd imposed.

"Neither did I," Azriel replied, watching the interaction with wonder. "Looks like we create something beautiful together."

The implication hung in the air between you, not a challenge, but a truth offered without expectation.

"What do you miss most about your world?" Azriel asked, his voice a caress in the darkness.

"Coffee," you admitted, leaning against the balcony rail, face tilted toward stars you were beginning to recognize. "And the people who'd make it for me on bad days."

His hazel eyes lit with genuine curiosity. "What is this coffee? I've heard you mention it before."

"It's a drink made from roasted beans. Bitter, but in the best way possible. People get addicted to it."

One of his shadows curled forward with interest. "Your world has recreational poisons?"

You laughed, the sound startling in its genuineness. "We have so many. Coffee, alcohol, sugar, social media..."

"Social... media?" His brow furrowed, shadows mimicking his confusion in swirling patterns.

"Imagine if everyone in Prythian could instantly send messages to everyone else, at all times of day, and also show pictures of their breakfast."

A rare smile tugged at his lips. "That sounds..."

"Horrible? It absolutely is," you grinned. "I was completely addicted."

"You miss things that are horrible for you?" His shadows danced with amusement.

"Humans are complicated like that." You gestured to the night sky. "We also had metal contraptions that flew without wings. Cars that moved without horses. Tiny devices that held all the world's knowledge in your pocket."

Azriel leaned closer, completely enraptured. "Tell me more about these... cars?"

"Metal boxes with wheels and engines. They go really fast, but also kill thousands of people every year."

"Your world sounds terrifying," he said, but his tone conveyed fascination, not judgment.

"We also had medicine that could cure most diseases. Buildings that touched the clouds. Devices that let you talk to someone across the world instantly."

"Yet you say 'yeet' when throwing things," he noted with unexpected dry humor.

You burst out laughing. "Did you just make a joke? The terrifying shadowsinger made a joke!"

For the next hour, you described smartphones, internet, airplanes, and television. Azriel listened with increasing amazement, his shadows occasionally forming shapes that resembled what you described—tiny cars, miniature airplanes, even a crude approximation of a smartphone.

"Your world sounds interesting," he said finally. "Creative. Innovative."

"It's also polluted, overcrowded, and constantly at war," you admitted. "No place is perfect."

His expression grew serious as he reached into his leathers. "I have something for you."

From within his leathers, he produced a small object wrapped in midnight blue silk. His scarred fingers barely grazed yours as he placed it in your palm, but even that brief contact sent warmth cascading through your veins.

Inside lay a delicate silver charm—a tiny flame crafted with remarkable detail, suspended on a fine chain. Within the flame swirled what looked like living shadow, dancing and pulsing with quiet life.

"I asked Amren to bind your flame to my shadow," Azriel explained, his voice rough with emotion. "It'll grow warmer the closer I am."

His shadows caressed the charm as if reluctant to part with this piece of himself.

"And if you ever need me," he continued, eyes meeting yours with fierce intensity, "break it. The bond will bring me to you, across any distance."

You held the charm against your heart, understanding the gift's true significance—not possession, but protection. Not demand, but devotion.

"I know your path is yours to choose," he said, voice breaking slightly. "But if you ever need someone who will come without question, without hesitation..." His scarred hand hovered near your cheek, not quite touching. "Let it be me."

Before you could respond, a commotion erupted below. Azriel's shadows instantly darkened, stretching toward the sound as his body tensed, warrior replacing poet in the space of a heartbeat.

Lucien appeared at your door, face grim. "We have to leave. Now. Beron's forces breached the defenses."

"How?" Azriel demanded, wings flaring protectively around you.

"Betrayal," Lucien answered. "Someone inside let them through."

The charm burned warm against your skin, its promise suddenly vital.

"Get her to Velaris," Lucien commanded. "I'll hold them here."

"And Eris?" you asked, heart pounding.

"Captured."

Azriel moved toward you with predatory grace, the tender male of moments ago transformed into living shadow. His fingertips finally brushed your cheek, the touch so gentle it made your eyes burn with unshed tears.

"Stay behind me," he said, voice midnight steel. "Always."

As he cradled you against his chest, you felt his heart beating in perfect rhythm with yours, the bond between you no longer a chain but a lifeline.

Through the windows, orange flame bloomed in the distance. Velaris lay ahead, but behind you, everything you'd begun to trust was burning.

As Azriel launched into the night, wings unfurling like destruction made beautiful, you slipped the necklace over your head and pressed the charm between your bodies, where fire and shadow already danced together, creating something neither of you had imagined possible.

Author’s Note: This was one of the hardest chapters I have ever written. It deals with trauma, helplessness, and the echoes of pain that linger in love. Nothing here is for shock value. It is about survival, silence, and the grief of watching someone you care for break.

If you have lived through something like this, or love someone who has, I see you. This story does not claim to define that pain, but it does seek to honor it.

Please take care while reading. Step away if needed. Your peace matters. 🕊️

Taglist: @circe143 @lunarxcity @willowpains @messageforthesmallestman @lreadsstuff @evye47 @lovely-susie @moonfawnx @tele86 @moonlitlavenders @darkbloodsly @ees-chaotic-brain @smol-grandpa @auraofathena @lottiiee413 @minaaminaa8 @claudiab22 @moonbeamruins @shewolf1549 @crimsonandwhiteprincess @a-band-aid-for-your-heart @kathren1sky-blog @alimarie1105 @masbt1218 @topaz125 @falszywe @randomdumsblog @sophia-grace2025 @okaytrashpanda @thegoddessofnothingness @unarxcity @svearehnn @suhke3 @galaxystern08 @ivy-34 @hellsenthero @nayaniasworld @raccoonworld @bobbywobbby @evergreenlark @greenmandm @shinyghosteclipse @catloverandreader @the-onlyy-angie @bunnboosblog @i-like-boooks @ashduv @kayjaywrites @lovelyreaderlovesreading @badbishsblog @vera0124 @i-am-infinite @scatteredstardustt @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @chaotic-luvrs @etsukomoonbeam @justtryingtosurvive02 @dianxiaxiexie @annaaaaa88 @mortqlprojections @quiet-loser @shamelesswolftheorist @vanserrasimp @lovelyflower7777 @probendingwords @allthatisbuck1917 @thejediprincess56 @forvalentineboy @romwyz @plowden @jada-lockwood @traveling-neverland @wanderwithmex @magicaldragonlady @makemeurvillain @justswimm @saltedcoffeescotch @rafeecameronsbitch @sherhd @stainedpomegranatelips @ayohockeycheck @yourdarkrose @taurusvic @illyrianshadow @s-h-e-l-b-e-e @ly--canthrope @star-chaser1 @dormantzzzs

[azziebaddy]

Part 9: The Rise of the High Lady of Autumn

Pairing: Azriel x F!Reader

Genre: angst, romcom, humor, fish out of water reader, canon (ish)

Summary: Murdered after a late-night study session in the modern world, you awaken in Prythian—still yourself, but with Fae features and the infamous title of Beron’s cold-hearted and ruthless daughter.

Then, fate snaps the mating bond into place between you and the shadowsinger, Azriel—who rejects it so fiercely, even the magic recoils.

You died a healer. You woke up a villain. Now fate’s mated you to who wants nothing to do with either—you’ll prove them all wrong, one heartbeat at a time.

Between Two Fires - Masterlist

The wind rushed past, cold against your tear-streaked face as Azriel's wings cut through darkness. His arms formed an unbreakable cage around you, keeping you pressed against the steady beat of his heart.

Below, the world stretched in shadow-painted patches: forests giving way to hills, plains to mountains, all rushing by as he flew with desperate speed.

You couldn't breathe. Couldn't think.

Eris was captured. Your safe haven in Dawn Court had crumbled in moments.

"It's my fault," you whispered, the words torn away by wind. "Beron wants me."

Azriel's arms tightened fractionally. "No." The word vibrated through his chest, against your cheek. "Beron sealed his fate the moment he betrayed you. What happens now was always coming."

The charm between your bodies pulsed with shared warmth, fire and shadow interwoven. It offered comfort where words failed, a silent promise that transcended the chaos below.

When the most imposing mountain range you'd ever seen loomed ahead, Azriel banked sharply.

You closed your eyes against vertigo, burying your face in his leathers. He smelled of night-chilled stone and cedar, of safety and danger in equal measure.

"Look," he commanded softly, his breath warm against your ear.

You opened your eyes.

And there it was.

Velaris. The City of Starlight.

Nestled between mountains and sea, it glowed with a light that owed nothing to the sun. Instead, thousands of lamps, pearl and gold and silver, cast their glow across buildings that somehow managed to be both ancient and alive.

A river cut through its heart, midnight blue and glittering with reflected stars. Bridges arched gracefully across the water, each one uniquely beautiful.

In this moment, suspended between sky and earth, you understood something profound: beauty could exist alongside terror. Light could persist through darkness. Perhaps this was what the bond had been trying to teach you all along.

"Home," Azriel offered, the word rife with meaning.

It wasn't a demand or expectation, merely an invitation. A possibility.

He circled lower, wings extended to catch thermal currents as he guided you toward a house built into the side of a mountain.

A balcony extended outward like an offering hand, glowing with warm light that spilled from tall windows.

"The House of Wind," he explained. "Where the Inner Circle gathers."

The mention of his family sent anxiety coiling through you. The bond reacted instantly, tightening between you as golden light briefly illuminated your joined bodies.

Azriel landed with practiced precision, wings folding with mechanical efficiency as he set you carefully on your feet. Your legs wobbled, unaccustomed to solid ground after hours of flight.

His scarred hand steadied you, the touch brief but grounding.

His eyes, normally warm when they looked at you, turned to ice as they shifted toward the waiting figures. "They're here."

The glass doors opened. A male of such devastating beauty it seemed almost cruel stepped onto the balcony. Violet eyes flickered between you and Azriel, noting the proximity, the lingering touch.

Rhysand's power rolling off him in midnight waves, stars glittering within that darkness like predator eyes. Yet there was wisdom there too, ancient and considering.

"Az," he greeted, voice cultured and carefully neutral. "I see your mission was successful."

Something in his tone made your spine stiffen.

Not hostile, precisely, but measured. Assessing.

"High Lord," you responded before Azriel could speak, straightening to your full height despite your exhaustion. "Thank you for your hospitality."

Rhysand's eyebrows rose slightly, surprise flickering across those perfect features. "Lady of Autumn. Welcome to Velaris."

Behind him, others appeared. Feyre and beside her, Cassian, his wings tucked loosely against his broad back.

And then, a golden-haired female, beautiful in ways that transcended conventional prettiness. Her eyes assessed you with such cold hostility it felt like a physical blow.

Morrigan. The cousin who had once been promised to Eris in marriage, before he'd left her bleeding at the border between their courts.

Your brother's victim.

The air thickened with tension as her gaze slid from you to Azriel, noting how he'd positioned himself half a step ahead of you, wings still partially extended in unconscious protection.

"What is she doing here?" Mor demanded, voice sharp enough to cut. "We discussed this, Rhys."

Rhysand's expression tightened fractionally. "Mor..."

"No," she interrupted, her beautiful face contorted with a fury that seemed to transform her from within. "This is Velaris. Our sanctuary. Our home. And you bring Autumn Court royalty here?"

Azriel didn't speak. Didn't warn.

His shadows simply expanded, darkness slithering across the balcony floor toward Mor like living things with purpose, with intent. The temperature plummeted so rapidly that frost crystals formed on the railing beside you.

"Az," Cassian said, voice low with warning.

Azriel's face remained perfectly expressionless, but his shadows darkened, swallowing nearby lamps with cold precision. When he finally spoke, his voice carried none of the gentle cadence he'd used with you. Each word fell like a shard of ice.

"She is under my protection."

Four words. Simple. Final.

Mor's eyebrows rose in disbelief. "We're talking about Beron's daughter. Eris's sister. Have you forgotten..."

"I forget nothing." Azriel's interruption was soft yet somehow more threatening than any shout. His shadows coiled tighter, their edges hardening into something closer to blades than mist. "Nor do I need reminding of my own experiences, Morrigan."

The use of her full name, not the casual "Mor" of five centuries' friendship, fell like a blow between them. Something fractured in the air, invisible yet undeniable.

The bond between you flared in response to the building tension, golden light not just briefly visible beneath your skin but radiating actual warmth that pushed back against the frost his shadows had created. It was like standing in a ray of winter sunlight, your joined magics creating a balance neither could achieve alone.

"I don't expect welcome," you said quietly, meeting Mor's hostile gaze despite the instinct to retreat. "Only temporary sanctuary."

"Well, you won't find it here," Morrigan replied, her voice cold as Winter Court frost. "Not as long as I have any say."

Feyre stepped forward, diplomatic mask firmly in place. "Perhaps we should continue this discussion inside. Our guest has traveled far under difficult circumstances."

"Our guest," Morrigan repeated with venomous emphasis, "shouldn't be here at all."

The charm against your chest burned painfully hot as Azriel moved, not toward Mor but toward you. His body shifted until he stood between you and the others, a physical barrier of muscle and wings and shadow.

"She is my mate," he said, each word precise as a blade strike. "That should be enough for you, for all of you."

The declaration fell into stunned silence. Even Rhysand seemed momentarily at a loss for words. His violet eyes widened fractionally, power momentarily faltering around him as the implications registered.

In that silence, you felt something shift within the shadowsinger beside you. A weight lifting, perhaps.

"Mate or not," Mor said, recovering first, "she's still Beron's daughter. Still Eris's sister. Or have you forgotten what Autumn Court nobility is capable of?"

Azriel didn't turn to face her, his body remaining a shield between you and the others. His wings flared slightly, an unconscious display of aggression that made even Cassian's hand drift toward his weapon.

"You know nothing about her," he said, voice midnight given sound. "Nothing about what she's endured or survived."

Cassian shifted uncomfortably, the movement drawing your eye. The general's expression held none of Mor's hostility. Instead, he watched the exchange with something approaching concern, recognition flickering in his eyes.

"Az," Cassian said quietly, "maybe now isn't the time..."

"There is no better time," Azriel cut him off, his normally controlled voice edged with emotion. "Before assumptions become actions."

Ember and Sizzle materialized on your shoulders, sensing your distress. Their tiny flame forms brightened defensively, casting warm, pink light across Azriel's shadowed wings.

In their appearance, you understood something about magic you hadn't before. It answered to emotion as much as to will. Perhaps that was why the bond had formed in the first place, answering to something beyond conscious choice.

Rhysand's expression shifted subtly as he studied you with renewed interest.

Feyre moved closer to her mate, her own gaze thoughtful. She slipped her hand into Rhysand's, a silent communication passing between them. As High Lady, she would understand better than anyone what it meant to be bonded to a powerful male, to have that bond form against all expectations.

"She can't stay here," Morrigan insisted, crossing her arms. "I won't have it."

Something cold and resolute settled in your chest.

The truth was simple. You didn't belong here. You couldn't heal in a place where your very presence caused others pain.

"She's right," you said, the words falling into sudden silence. "I shouldn't be here."

Azriel turned to you then, shock evident in his expression, his shadows momentarily dispersing with his surprise. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I won't stay where I'm not wanted," you replied, voice steady despite the pain radiating through the bond.

"Where would you go?" Feyre asked, genuine concern in her voice. She, of all of them, had once been the outsider, the human in a world of immortals.

"Somewhere else," you answered simply. "Somewhere new."

"Alone?" Cassian's brow furrowed.

"If necessary." You lifted your chin, refusing to bend beneath the weight of Morrigan's hatred. "I've survived worse."

Azriel's shadows exploded outward, dark tendrils lashing the night air. The temperature on the balcony plummeted until breath fogged before faces. Even Rhysand took an involuntary step back, momentarily stunned by the ferocity of Azriel's reaction.

"You won't go alone," he growled, the words vibrating with conviction. "Wherever you go, I go."

The declaration stunned everyone into silence. Even Mor's hostility faltered, replaced by disbelief.

Your heart stuttered painfully in your chest. The bond between you blazed golden-bright beneath your skin, responding to the absoluteness of his choice. Through that connection, you felt what he felt, centuries of isolation crashing against the terrifying freedom of choice. Five hundred years of darkness giving way to a light he'd never believed himself worthy of claiming.

A choice made not out of duty or obligation, but something infinitely rarer. Free will.

"Az," Rhysand began carefully, "think about what you're saying."

But there was something beyond caution in Rhysand's voice now, something like understanding. His gaze flickered to Feyre, a silent acknowledgment passing between them. He, too, had once chosen his mate over everything else.

Azriel turned to face his High Lord fully, his body shifting to stand beside you, equals, not protector and protected.

"I have thought," Azriel replied, his voice colder than you had ever heard it. Gone was the shadowsinger who had flown with you through the night. In his place stood a warrior hewn from winter frost and ancient darkness. "For five centuries, I've served the Night Court. I've spilled blood and shadow without complaint or hesitation."

His wings snapped fully open, an intimidation display that made even Cassian take an instinctive step back. His shadows formed patterns of such complexity and rage that they hurt the eye to follow.

"But I tell you now, clearly, so there can be no misunderstanding." His gaze swept the gathered circle, lingering longest on Mor. "If the choice is between my mate and my court, I choose her. Every time. Without hesitation or regret."

The words fell like a thunderclap. Mor's face drained of color. Rhysand's expression remained carefully controlled, but something like pain flickered in those violet eyes, the understanding of a High Lord who might lose not just his spymaster but his brother.

Your body went completely still, breath caught in your lungs. Five centuries of brotherhood. Five centuries of loyalty. Five centuries of shared battles and blood and nightmares. And he would walk away from it all, for you.

The bond between you vibrated with the magnitude of his choice, golden light spilling from beneath your skin, illuminating the night around you both. It wasn't just light; it was truth made visible. Undeniable. Absolute. The warmth it generated seemed to push back against the chill, creating a pocket of heat around you both, as if the magic itself rebelled against the coldness of potential separation.

"No one is asking you to choose, brother," Rhysand said, voice deceptively calm despite the power now coiling around him like a storm waiting to break. His eyes, though, betrayed deeper emotion, the memory of his own sacrifice for Feyre shadowing his features. "There are other solutions. We can find another place within Night Court territory..."

"No," you interrupted, your decision solidifying with each passing moment. "This is your sanctuary. Your safe place." Your eyes met Mor's, acknowledging her pain without minimizing it. "Some wounds can't heal in the presence of what caused them. I understand that better than most."

"You don't have to leave," Feyre insisted, stepping forward. "Mor doesn't speak for all of us." She, perhaps alone among them, fully understood what it meant to be separated from a mate.

"But she speaks truth," you replied. "And I respect that more than false welcome."

You looked at Azriel, heart pounding against your ribs. "You don't have to come with me. This is your family. Your home."

Azriel's scarred hand found yours, cool fingers slipping between your warm ones with careful deliberation. "You are my home now," he said simply.

Through the bond, his emotions crashed into you, raw and unfettered: centuries of silent longing, of watching others find connection while he remained in darkness. The terrible, wonderful freedom of finally choosing something for himself. The fear of unknown pathways balanced against the certainty of what he'd found in you.

Not out of obligation. Not out of duty. But out of choice.

Cassian moved forward, genuine alarm in his features. "Az, think about this. Five centuries together. We're brothers."

Azriel's gaze shifted to Cassian, something almost like regret flickering briefly in those hazel depths before ice reclaimed them. "And brothers understand when one must follow his own path," he replied, though the slight roughness in his voice betrayed the cost of his choice. "This isn't goodbye, Cassian. Just... a different road."

"Where will you go?" Rhysand asked, power now visibly swirling around him, tiny stars coalescing and fading within the darkness that clung to his skin.

"West," Azriel answered after a moment. "Beyond Prythian's borders. Beyond the reach of courts and politics."

The words hung in the air between them, heavy with finality. Rhysand's face remained impassive, but his eyes, those star-flecked violet eyes, revealed the depth of his shock. Centuries of brotherhood, of shared battles and blood and loyalty, suspended in this single, fragile moment.

"I won't command you to stay," Rhysand finally said, each word weighed and measured. "I never would. But I ask you, as your High Lord and your friend, to reconsider."

Though his tone remained controlled, Rhysand's power betrayed his turmoil, stars burning brighter, darkness swirling more intensely. He understood the choice Azriel faced, had made similar sacrifices himself, yet still struggled with the reality of losing his shadowsinger.

Azriel's expression remained coldly resolute,"I've made my choice, Rhys. As you once made yours for Feyre."

The comparison wasn't lost on any of them. Rhysand had once risked everything, including his own life, for his mate. The parallel hung between them, uncomfortable but undeniable.

Morrigan stepped forward, her earlier hostility tempered by dawning realization. "You would really leave? For her?"

"Not just for her," Azriel corrected quietly, his shadows calming as they settled around you both. "For myself as well. For what we might become together, without the weight of past sins and obligations."

The admission stole your breath. This wasn't just about protection or duty. This was about something far more profound, a future neither of you had dared imagine possible. The knowledge of it settled in your chest like a stone, heavy with potential and terror in equal measure.

"At least wait until morning," Feyre urged. "Rest. Eat. Make this decision with clear heads."

Before you could answer, a sudden tug pulled at your awareness, a sensation like blood calling to blood. Your head snapped toward the city streets below, an instinct more primal than thought drawing your attention.

Chaos erupted below a heartbeat later. Shouting rose from the streets of Velaris, the sounds of panic reaching even the lofty heights of the House of Wind.

Rhysand was at the balcony's edge in an instant, power rolling off him in midnight waves as he scanned the city below. Cassian and Feyre flanked him, their own magic rising in response to potential threat.

"What is it?" Morrigan asked, moving forward despite her earlier hostility.

"Something's wrong," you whispered, the familial connection pulling at you with increasing urgency. "Someone's here. Someone of my blood."

Azriel's shadows stretched outward, tasting the air, gathering information beyond normal senses. His expression shifted from confusion to grim determination as they confirmed what your blood already knew.

"Lucien," he said, shadows confirming what his eyes could now see. "He's wounded."

You pushed past him to the balcony's edge, eyes straining to see through darkness.

There, in the street below, stood your brother. His clothing was torn and bloody, his hair matted with what could only be more blood. But he was alive, standing proud despite obvious injury.

"Lucien," you whispered, relief and fear warring within you.

Azriel's hand found yours, scarred fingers twining with your own. "I'll take you to him," he said, voice rough with shared concern.

As he gathered you in his arms and launched from the balcony, you caught a glimpse of the Inner Circle's faces, shock, concern, and in Mor's expression, something complicated that couldn't quite eclipse her earlier rejection.

The shadowsinger carried you down toward your brother with swift purpose, his wings creating eddies in the night air.

Landing lightly beside Lucien, Azriel set you carefully on your feet. Your knees nearly buckled as you took in the full extent of your brother's injuries, a deep gash across his forehead, burns along his arms, a limp that spoke of damage to his right leg.

"What happened?" you demanded, moving to your brother's side. "Where's Eris?"

Lucien's mismatched eyes were haunted, the mechanical one whirring erratically. "I couldn't get to him in time," he said, voice ragged with exhaustion and grief. "Beron caught him organizing the rebellion. He..." Lucien's voice broke. "He's torturing him. Using him as an example."

Horror flooded through you, cold and paralyzing. "No," you whispered. "No, no, no..."

"I tried," Lucien continued, the words tearing from his throat. "Mother above, I tried to reach him. But Beron's guards were everywhere. I barely escaped with my life."

Cassian landed beside you, having followed from the House of Wind. His face hardened as he took in Lucien's condition and his news.

"We need to get you to a healer," Cassian said, military precision taking over. "Then we plan our next move."

"There is no next move," Lucien replied, his voice hollow. "Beron has sealed the borders of Autumn Court. Every entry point is guarded by his elite. He's sent a message to all High Lords, any interference will be considered an act of war."

"And the rebellion?" Azriel asked quietly.

"Still fighting," Lucien confirmed, though his expression held little hope. "But with Eris captured... their leadership is in chaos. Beron is systematically hunting down anyone connected to the resistance."

The implications settled over you like a physical weight. Eris, your eldest brother who had risked everything to help you escape, was now paying the price for his defiance. The brother who had always seemed so untouchable, so invulnerable, was at Beron's mercy.

And Beron had none.

"We have to do something," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "We can't just leave him there."

Azriel's shadows coiled tighter around you, as if trying to shield you from a truth too painful to bear. "We won't abandon him," he promised, the gentleness in his voice a stark contrast to the coldness he'd shown his Inner Circle moments before. "I promise you that."

"But we need a plan," Cassian added, his battle-trained mind already working through scenarios. "Not a suicide mission."

You glanced back at the House of Wind, where Rhysand and Feyre still watched from the balcony. Morrigan had disappeared back inside.

"We still need to leave," you said quietly to Azriel. "But not until we've done everything possible for Eris."

"We'll find a way," Azriel agreed, his shadows swirling protectively around both you and Lucien. "Then we go."

Lucien's gaze shifted between you and Azriel, confusion evident in his mismatched eyes. "Go? Go where?"

"Somewhere new," you said simply. "The Night Court isn't the right place for me. For us."

Understanding dawned in Lucien's tired face. "Mor," he guessed, accurately reading the situation. "She's still blinded by the past."

"She has reason," you acknowledged, refusing to villainize someone whose pain was so clearly genuine. "And I won't heal in a place where my presence causes others to suffer."

Lucien's gaze shifted to Azriel, assessment clear in that mechanical eye. "And you? You would leave everything for my sister? Your court? Your High Lord? The family you've served for centuries?"

Azriel's expression remained neutral, but his shadows curled possessively around your joined hands. "I would."

The words shimmered between you, a truth so profound it left you breathless. The realization of what this male was offering, not just protection, not just loyalty, but a future built on mutual choice rather than obligation or duty, made your heart pound against your ribs.

"We stay until we've done everything we can for Eris," you said, your decision made. "Then we find our own path."

Lucien nodded slowly, acceptance settling in his weary features. "I understand. More than most."

The healing center of Velaris melded practicality with comfort in ways that spoke to the Night Court's character. Stone walls, softened by tapestries in deep midnight blue, captured and reflected the perpetual night of the city. Windows stood open to the cool air, carrying the distant hum of city life and the faint scent of salt from the nearby sea. Rooms glowed with starlight captured in floating glass orbs, their light gentle enough for healing but bright enough for precision work.

The air carried the distinctive scent of healing herbs: night jasmine to induce restful sleep, crushed moonberries for pain, and the sharp tang of wintermint for clarity of mind. Beneath it all lingered the subtle sweetness of healing magic itself, like honey dissolved in water.

Healers, quiet and efficient in midnight-blue robes embroidered with silver stars, had immediately taken charge of Lucien, guiding him to a treatment room where they now worked on his injuries with methodical precision. Their hands moved with the confidence of those who had mended far worse wounds than his.

You waited outside, pacing the smooth stone floor. Each step echoed softly in the quiet corridor, marking time like a heartbeat. Azriel stood motionless by the window, his shadows stretching periodically down the hallway, gathering information, monitoring for threats. His stillness made your restlessness all the more pronounced.

The door at the end of the hallway opened, admitting a slender female you had seen.

Elain Archeron.

"Where is he?" she asked, voice melodic yet urgent. "Is he..."

"He's being treated now," you answered, instinctively stepping forward.

Elain. Lucien's mate.

The female whose face appeared in his rare, unguarded moments, whose name he sometimes spoke in his sleep. The female who had sent warning, created diversion, saved Lucien's life.

Azriel's shadows maintained their steady patrol, neither reacting to her presence nor acknowledging any shared history. His face remained calm, completely unperturbed, as if greeting a casual acquaintance rather than someone with whom he might have once shared deeper connection.

"You helped him escape," you said softly to Elain.

Elain's gaze finally focused on you fully, wariness evident in her posture. Her fingers twisted a small silver ring with nervous energy. "You're his sister. The Lady of Autumn."

"Just his sister," you corrected automatically. "Nothing else matters right now."

Her eyes narrowed slightly, assessing you with unexpected sharpness. Then, apparently satisfied with whatever she saw, she nodded once. "He called for you. In my visions. Before they happened."

The words sent a shiver down your spine. "Visions?"

"I'm a Seer," she explained simply, no pride or apology in the statement. Just fact. "I See what's coming. Sometimes. Not always clearly. Not always in time." Her gaze drifted to the treatment room door, guilt shadowing her features. "Not soon enough for Eris."

Azriel's shadows curled inward at the mention of Eris, growing denser, almost defensive. "You did what you could," he said.

Elain looked at him fully for the first time, her expression complicated. "Az," she acknowledged, something like resignation briefly crossing her features at his professional demeanor.

Before any of you could say more, the treatment room door opened. A healer stepped out, bowing formally to Elain.

"He's asking for you," she said simply, stepping aside.

Elain moved forward, then hesitated, glancing back at you. "Will you come? He needs his family too."

The unexpected inclusion startled you. You looked to Azriel, whose shadows had gone utterly still, as if holding their breath. He nodded once, a tiny movement that nonetheless conveyed complete support for whatever you chose.

"Of course," you said, stepping forward to follow Elain into the room.

Lucien lay on a bed of midnight blue, his injuries already partially healed. The gash on his forehead had closed, leaving behind a thin red line that would fade to silver. The burns on his arms were covered in a translucent green salve that smelled of mint and something sweeter, like crushed berries. His mechanical eye had been removed for repair, the empty socket covered with a patch of dark silk.

His remaining eye widened at the sight of you and Elain together. Surprise, then something like wonder, crossed his features. Beneath it, you caught the flash of vulnerability, the momentary disbelief that his mate and his sister would stand together at his bedside.

"My two guardian angels," he said, voice rough with exhaustion but touched with genuine amusement. "Come to ensure I don't slip away?"

Elain moved to his bedside without hesitation, her hand finding his with practiced familiarity. The moment they touched, a barely perceptible sigh escaped him, his body relaxing as if a hidden tension had finally released. "You're not going anywhere," she said, the dreamy quality entirely gone from her voice. In its place was steel, determination, a will that seemed at odds with her delicate appearance.

His eye never left her face, drinking in her presence as if storing it against future drought. The nakedness of his need was almost painful to witness, a male so thoroughly claimed by the mating bond that even the presence of others couldn't mask it.

You approached from the other side, relief making your movements unsteady. "The healers say you'll recover fully."

"They always say that," Lucien replied with a weak smile, finally tearing his gaze from Elain. "Makes the patients feel better." His gaze shifted to Azriel, who had remained by the door, shadows wrapped tight around him. "They're treating me better than I expected, Shadowsinger. Your doing?"

Azriel's face revealed nothing, but his shadows briefly formed a pattern that might have been confirmation. "The Night Court respects loyalty to family," he said quietly. "Even when that family belongs to Autumn."

Lucien's eye narrowed, studying Azriel with unnerving intensity. The mechanical gold eye, temporarily removed, would have been whirring with calculation.

Lucien's expression sobered. "We need to act quickly. Beron won't keep him alive indefinitely."

"We need a plan," you agreed, anxiety clenching your stomach at the thought of Eris in Beron's clutches. The bond with Azriel flared briefly, responding to your distress with golden warmth that pushed back against the cold fear. "A way to reach him."

"I can help with that," Elain said, her dreamy voice returning, eyes going slightly unfocused. "I've Seen a path. Through shadows and flame. A way beneath mountains where guards don't look."

Azriel straightened, interest sharpening his features. "What did you See, exactly?"

Elain's gaze turned inward, focusing on something none of you could perceive. "A tunnel. Ancient. Forgotten. It runs beneath the border mountains between Night and Autumn. It emerges in a grove where the trees burn eternally without being consumed."

Recognition flashed across Lucien's face. "The Sacred Grove. It's less than a mile from the Autumn Court palace."

"How did you know about this tunnel?" Azriel asked Elain, his voice remaining professionally curious rather than personally invested.

Elain's eyes refocused, meeting his with unexpected directness. "I Saw it after you left the House of Wind. When I knew what you'd chosen." She shrugged lightly, acceptance rather than hurt shaping her features. "The Cauldron shows me what's needed, Az. Not what's wanted."

The atmosphere remained calm, without the charged tension of unresolved feelings. Azriel's shadows continued their steady vigilance, neither reaching for Elain nor recoiling from her. Whatever history lay between them seemed settled, at least on his part.

Lucien watched this exchange with careful neutrality, though his fingers tightened slightly around Elain's. The movement was subtle, possessive yet insecure. A male who had found his mate but still feared losing her, even to a male who clearly had no interest.

"This tunnel," you interjected, "can it get us to Eris?"

"Yes," Elain said, attention returning to you. "But not all of us. Two, at most. More would draw attention."

"I'll go," Azriel said immediately, shadows coiling with deadly purpose.

"Me too," you added, the decision requiring no thought. "He's my brother."

"You can't," Lucien protested, struggling to sit up. "Beron wants you most of all. If he captures you..."

"He won't," Azriel interrupted, his voice midnight-cold and absolute. "I won't allow it."

The conviction in his voice silenced Lucien's objections. The scarred male exchanged a long look with Elain, some silent communication passing between them.

"When?" you asked.

"Tomorrow night," Elain answered, certainty in her voice. "When the moon is highest. The guards change shifts. There's a gap in their rotation, seven minutes when the eastern dungeon corridor is unwatched."

"How do you know that?" Azriel asked, shadows stretching toward her as if testing the truth of her words.

"I Saw it," she replied simply.

The finality in her voice sent a chill down your spine. Azriel's shadows recoiled slightly, then settled into watchful stillness.

"Then we leave tomorrow night," you said, decision made. "And afterward..."

"You go your own way," Elain finished for you, no judgment in her tone. "West, beyond Prythian's borders."

Lucien's eye widened, realization dawning. "You're leaving the Night Court?"

"I'm not welcome here," you said simply.

The bond's golden light briefly shimmered beneath your skin as you spoke, carrying warmth and certainty despite the unknown path ahead. In that moment, you realized that "home" was no longer a place for you, but a connection. A bond not forced by fate but chosen in defiance of it.

"And I go where she goes," Azriel added, voice softening when he looked at you despite the distance he maintained from the others.

A complicated series of emotions crossed Lucien's face. "I understand," he finally said, gaze lingering on Elain. "Sometimes the place you're meant to be isn't where others think you belong."

Elain's hand tightened on his, an unspoken acknowledgment of his words. "I'll draw you a map," she said to Azriel. "Of what I've Seen. The tunnel entrance, the guards' positions, the cell where they're keeping Eris."

Azriel nodded, gratitude softening his severe features. "Thank you, Elain."

She met his gaze directly, simple kindness in her eyes. "Be happy, Az," she said quietly. "That's all any of us ever wanted for you."

The words struck him visibly, shadows briefly dispersing in surprise before gathering closer than before. He didn't respond, but his eyes flickered to you before returning to her, answer enough.

The bond burned beneath your skin, molten gold tracing veins of fire through your borrowed body as you walked the streets of Velaris.

Each pulse echoed the question that had haunted you since waking in this world. Which life is truly mine?

The Night Court's famed city of starlight unfurled around you in painful, breathtaking beauty. Artists captured moonlight on canvas beneath silver-starred streetlamps. Music spilled from taverns like liquid joy, mingling with laughter and the scent of cinnamon and sea salt. Couples strolled arm-in-arm, their faces illuminated by faelights hovering like captured stars.

Too beautiful. Too perfect. A dream you'd never dared imagine.

"Are you cold?" Azriel's voice slipped through your thoughts, quiet as shadow. He walked beside you, wings tucked tight, shoulders angled to shield you from curious stares without touching you.

You shook your head, not trusting your voice. The golden thread of the bond twisted tighter as another wave of panic crashed through you.

Eris in chains. Lucien fighting alone. Beron's flames consuming all you'd begun to care for.

Azriel's shadows reached toward you before retreating at your rigid posture. You pretended not to notice the hurt that flashed across his face when you stepped further away.

"Just ahead," he said, gesturing toward a townhouse nestled between two larger buildings. Three stories of pale stone with midnight-blue shutters, a small balcony dripping with night-blooming jasmine. "Rhys and Feyre arranged it. Privacy until..."

He didn't finish. Until you left. Until he abandoned everything for you. Until you made choices that would shatter one world or another.

You nodded and walked ahead, climbing the few steps without waiting. The scent of jasmine clung to your clothes as you passed beneath the flowering vines, sweet and foreign and heartbreaking.

Inside, the townhouse breathed quiet elegance—plush furniture in midnight blues and silvers, windows strategically placed to capture moonlight, walls adorned with paintings of star-strewn skies. A fire burned in the hearth, casting dancing shadows across the polished wood floor.

Too much. Too real.

The flames reminded you of Eris. Of his face when he'd declared rebellion against Beron. Of what your father must be doing to him now.

Not your father, you reminded yourself. Not your blood. Not your world.

Azriel stood in the doorway, shadows darker than the night outside wreathing his powerful frame. His face remained carefully blank, but his shadows betrayed him, curling into agitated patterns that revealed his concern.

"There are two bedrooms upstairs," he said, voice carefully neutral despite the golden light flickering beneath his skin whenever the bond pulsed. "You can choose whichever you prefer."

You moved toward the stairs without answering. Each step felt like wading through water, your limbs heavy with exhaustion and fear.

At the landing, you paused, throat tight with words you couldn't say.

Don't throw your life away for me. Don't sacrifice everything for someone who doesn't belong here. Don't care for me—please, don't care.

"I need to rest," you managed, the words hollow.

"Of course." The shadows around him shuddered with something like despair.

You turned away, entering the nearest bedroom and closing the door with a soft click that somehow felt deafening in the silence.

Alone at last, you sagged against the door, sliding to the floor as exhaustion claimed you. Ember and Sizzle materialized in twin pops of flame, immediately nuzzling against your trembling hands.

"What am I doing?" you whispered, voice breaking. "He's giving up everything for someone who can't stay. Someone with a body lying in a hospital across worlds, family keeping vigil, machines beeping out the rhythm of a life half-lived."

The flame bunnies chirped softly, climbing into your lap, their tiny warmth both comfort and burden. Hadn't they, too, become real? Hadn't this body, this magic, this life begun to feel more substantial than the ghostly memories of a human existence?

You pushed yourself up and crossed to the bed, not bothering to change out of travel-worn clothes. Sleep claimed you almost instantly, dragging you into dreams of hospitals and beeping monitors and sobbing aunts who had long since given up hope.

You woke drenched in sweat, heart pounding against your ribs with enough force to hurt. In your dream, Eris had been screaming your name as Beron's flames consumed him, the scent of burning flesh so vivid you gagged.

The room was pitch black, moonlight long since faded. The city below slumbered, only occasional lights visible in distant windows.

Decision crystallized in your chest, cold and final. You couldn't wait until tomorrow. Not with Eris suffering at Beron's hands. Not with Azriel preparing to throw away five centuries of brotherhood, of family, of purpose—for a female he barely knew.

For an imposter in a body not her own.

You dressed silently, strapping on the knife Lucien had pressed into your hands before you'd left the healing center. The blade thrummed with old magic, protection spells etched into its hilt.

Ember and Sizzle watched from the bed, unusually still, their tiny flame ears laid flat against their heads.

"Stay with him," you whispered. "I need to do this alone."

Your palm curled around the silver charm Azriel had given you.

Break it and I'll come to you, across any distance.

You removed it carefully, placing it on the bedside table. You wouldn't drag him into this. Wouldn't be responsible for another sacrifice.

You eased the door open, heart in your throat, and nearly collapsed at the sight that greeted you.

Azriel.

Sitting on the floor outside your room, back against the wall. His magnificent wings were folded tight against his spine, shadows wrapped around him like a living blanket against the chill.

Not sleeping—you doubted he ever truly slept—but guarding.

Waiting.

His head snapped up at your appearance, and the naked emotion in his eyes stole your breath.

Concern, yes, but something deeper. Something that made the bond sing gold and fire between you.

Shadows writhed around him, betraying his agitation even as his face remained carefully neutral. Several tendrils reached toward you before he called them back with visible effort.

"You're leaving." Not a question. His voice, velvet darkness wrapped around steel, betrayed nothing of his feelings.

"I have to try," you admitted, unable to lie to that piercing gaze. "For Eris."

"Alone?" The word carried more emotion than any outburst could have.

"Yes." You moved to step around him, refusing to acknowledge how the bond screamed against the distance you insisted on maintaining.

Azriel rose in a single fluid motion that reminded you what he was—warrior, predator, death on silent wings. He blocked your path without touching you, his body a wall of night and shadow.

"You'll die," he said. The starkness of it, the absolute certainty, sent ice down your spine.

"Better me than him." You straightened, meeting his gaze despite the effort it cost. "Better me than you."

Something fierce flashed across his face, breaking through that careful mask of control. "That's not your choice to make."

"And throwing away your life for mine isn't yours," you countered, frustration finally cracking your careful indifference. "Five centuries with the Night Court, with family who loves you, and you'd walk away for what? A broken bond with someone who isn't even supposed to be here?"

His expression shifted, surprise briefly visible before his shadows receded slightly.

"Is that what this is about?" The gentleness in his voice threatened to shatter you. "You think I don't know what I'm choosing?"

"I think you're making a sacrifice you'll regret for the rest of your immortal life," you said, forcing yourself to hold his gaze despite the pain it caused. "And I can't let you do that."

"Let me?" A ghost of a smile touched his lips, though his eyes remained grave. "I've been making my own choices for five hundred years."

The words sent heat curling through your veins, unwelcome and undeniable. The bond flared in response, golden light briefly visible beneath your skin, beneath his, a betrayal of bodies despite minds' protestations.

"Come downstairs," he said, soft as night breeze. "Please. Before we both do something we'll regret."

The request was reasonable enough that you found yourself nodding, following him to the small sitting room on the main floor.

Shadows settled into corners as you both sat on the same couch, a careful distance between you that somehow felt both too great and not nearly enough.

The silence stretched, alive with all you couldn't say.

"Why have you been shutting me out?" he finally asked, directness catching you off-guard.

You stared at your hands, at the borrowed skin with its too-smooth texture, its too-perfect nails, its too-bright veins of gold that danced beneath the surface like trapped sunlight.

"Because this isn't real," you whispered. "None of it."

"It feels real to me," he replied, the simplicity of it cutting deeper than arguments ever could.

"It's not," you insisted, looking up at last. "This bond, this world, this body—none of it belongs to me. And I can't... I can't let you destroy your life for an illusion."

His scarred hand moved slightly closer, not quite touching yours. Even that small movement sent the bond into a frenzy of golden heat beneath your skin.

"What if it's not an illusion?" he asked, voice dropping lower. "What if this is precisely where we're both meant to be?"

The words struck closer to your secret fear than you'd thought possible.

What if he was right? What if the hospital room was the dream, and this—this magic, this bond, this male whose mere presence eased an ache you hadn't known you carried—was your truth?

"I don't belong here," you said, throat tightening around the words. "My body—my real body—is waiting for me to come home."

Understanding dawned in his eyes, followed by compassion so genuine it hurt to witness. "The hospital. The human world."

You nodded, tears threatening. "I can't stay here, Azriel. No matter how much I might..." Want to. Belong to you. Need you. "I have family waiting. A life."

"And you think I'm following you out of obligation?" The question was gentle, offering understanding where you'd expected hurt. "Out of some misguided sense of duty to the mating bond?"

"Aren't you?"

His shadows stilled completely—a rare occurrence that drew your attention more effectively than any shout could have.

"I have spent five centuries in darkness," he said, voice so low you had to lean closer to hear, to breathe in his scent of night-chilled stone and cedar. "Five centuries as weapon and warning, as the nightmare that keeps enemies at bay. Five centuries watching others find connections I believed I could never have."

His eyes, when they met yours, contained such vulnerability that your breath caught. The golden light beneath his skin pulsed in time with your heartbeat, the bond singing recognition between your bodies even as your minds fought its pull.

"I thought I loved Mor once," he continued, the confession clearly costing him. "Then Elain. But it was always the idea of love that drew me. The possibility of light. Not the females themselves."

His scarred fingers traced patterns on the cushion between you, not quite touching you, but close enough that you could feel the coolness radiating from his skin.

"With you, it's different," he said, voice roughened with emotion. "From the moment the bond snapped into place, even as I rejected it, I knew. This wasn't just magic. This wasn't just fate. This was recognition."

"Of what?" The question escaped before you could stop it.

His shadows stirred, curling into shapes that reflected his words—wings and flames dancing together, darkness and light intertwined.

"Of the only person who's ever seen me," he replied, each word carefully chosen, heavy with significance. "Not the shadowsinger. Not the spymaster. Not the weapon." His voice dropped lower. "When you look at me, your eyes don't reflect centuries of blood and darkness. They show me something I thought I'd lost long ago."

"What?" you whispered, unable to look away from the raw emotion in his gaze.

"Possibility," he said simply. One word that contained worlds.

His shadows curled toward you with heartbreaking hesitancy, stopping just short of contact. "I'm not following you out of duty or obligation. I'm following you because for the first time in five hundred years, I've found something that's mine alone. Not given by Rhysand. Not shared with Cassian. Not demanded by war."

"I can't give you what you want," you finally said, each word a shard of glass in your throat. "I can't stay here, Azriel. I can't be your mate. Not permanently."

"Why?" His voice remained gentle despite the pain that flashed across his beautiful face.

"Because I don't belong to this world," you whispered. "This body isn't mine. This life isn't mine. And someday—somehow—I have to find my way back home."

His scarred hand finally reached across the distance between you, not grasping, simply offering. "What if this is home? What if that human girl is the dream, and this is your reality?"

The question struck deeper than you'd expected, touching the fear that had haunted you since waking in this fae body.

What if he was right? What if the hospital was the illusion, and this strange, magical world was where you truly belonged?

"I don't know," you admitted, the confession leaving you raw. "I don't know which is real anymore."

"They both are," he said, shadows forming shapes that looked like doorways, like bridges between worlds. "And whichever you choose, I'll respect it. Even if it means losing you."

The words hung between you, heavy with sincerity. This wasn't just about the bond anymore. This was about choice—his and yours. About making decisions with open eyes and full awareness of the consequences.

"Why would you do that?" you asked, voice breaking. "Why would you leave everything for someone who might not stay?"

His scarred fingers extended further, an invitation without pressure. "Because some moments are worth an eternity of loss."

Your heart stuttered in your chest, the bond responding with a flare of golden warmth that momentarily eclipsed all doubt, all fear. This male who had known only duty and shadow for centuries was offering you something no one in either of your lives had ever given: complete freedom to choose your own fate, without expectation or demand.

His shadows brushed your wrist, cool as night air, gentle as a whisper. "I would rather know you for a single heartbeat than live an eternity wondering what might have been."

The bond between you shimmered, visible now as golden threads spanning the distance between your bodies, delicate as spider's silk but stronger than steel. Each breath you took made them glow brighter, a constellation of shared possibility.

"Tomorrow we rescue Eris," you finally said, pulling your hand back despite the bond's protest. "After that... I don't know. I don't know what happens next."

Azriel nodded, accepting your withdrawal without question. His shadows retreated, curling back around his shoulders in patterns that spoke of restraint, of patience, of understanding beyond what you'd thought possible.

"One day at a time, then." He spoke the words like a promise.

"One day at a time," you agreed, rising from the couch. Your legs felt unsteady beneath you, the weight of his truths, of your fears, threatening to pull you under.

He stood as well, shadows gathering around him like a living cloak. "Would you prefer I remain downstairs tonight?"

There was no judgment in the question, no hurt, only simple respect for your boundaries. The consideration—so at odds with the fearsome reputation that preceded him—made your throat tighten with emotions you weren't ready to name.

"You don't have to sit outside my door," you said quietly, the bond aching as you forced distance between you. "But... I wouldn't mind knowing you were nearby."

The admission cost you, revealed more than you'd intended, but you couldn't bring yourself to regret it when understanding flashed in his eyes, followed by something that might have been hope.

"I'll be here if you need me," he promised, shadows reaching toward you one last time before he pulled them back. "Always."

You nodded once, then turned toward the stairs, unable to bear the weight of his gaze any longer.

In your borrowed bedroom, you sank onto the edge of the bed, Ember and Sizzle immediately materializing to nudge against your trembling hands.

"What am I doing?" you whispered to them, the question you couldn't ask Azriel. "What am I going to do?"

The flame bunnies had no answers, only warm comfort as they curled against you, tiny embers of promise in a night that seemed endless.

Outside your door, shadows whispered quiet vigilance, a promise kept without words. Downstairs, the shadowsinger of the Night Court—who had offered you his scarred heart without demanding yours in return—waited patiently for a decision you weren't sure you could make.

And in another world, separated by barriers of reality itself, machines beeped a steady rhythm beside a hospital bed where a body lay suspended between life and death, while family members whispered, "Please come home."

Two lives. Two worlds. Two hearts beating across an impossible divide.

The bond pulsed once more, golden light briefly illuminating the darkness of your room, carrying with it the echo of his words: Some moments are worth an eternity of loss.

Tomorrow, you would rescue Eris. Tomorrow, you would fight for family—chosen and given and made. Beyond that lay choices that terrified and tempted in equal measure.

You closed your eyes, the weight of worlds pressing against your chest.

One heartbeat at a time.

The High Lords converged on Velaris like gathering storm clouds.

The emergency conclave had been called by Rhysand after news of Beron's actions spread across Prythian. War loomed on the horizon, and even ancient enemies now sought common ground against Autumn Court's growing madness.

You stood on the balcony of the townhouse, watching as entourages made their way through the streets below. Each High Lord had brought a small contingent, enough to demonstrate power without appearing threatening. The air itself seemed to thicken with magic as they passed, a tangible pressure against your skin.

"Are you certain you want to attend?" Azriel asked from the doorway, his voice quiet. His shadows curled restlessly near the railing but never touched you.

You didn't turn. "I need to be there," you replied, fingers whitening as they gripped the cold stone. "For Eris."

Azriel said nothing more, but his presence shifted closer, a silent offering of strength.

The River House had been transformed for the gathering. The central chamber now held an enormous circular table, each seat marked with the sigil of a different court. Rhysand and Feyre stood at the entrance, greeting each arrival with careful diplomacy.

You entered with Azriel at your side, his presence a cold comfort as curious gazes tracked your movement. His shadows remained tightly controlled, but you could feel the tension radiating from him, a predator walking willingly into enemy territory.

Tarquin of Summer Court nodded politely as you passed, sea-salt scent clinging to his turquoise robes. Helion of Day Court studied you with scholarly interest, golden eyes missing nothing beneath his crown of light. Kallias of Winter Court remained expressionless, his silver-white hair contrasting sharply with his midnight blue attire.

Something strange fluttered in your chest at the sight of him, not recognition but a sudden chill that traced your spine despite the warmth of the room. You swallowed hard, attributing the feeling to general anxiety about the meeting.

The discussions began with Rhysand outlining the situation in Autumn Court, his voice measured despite the rage that occasionally flashed in his violet eyes. The rebellion, Eris's capture, Beron's increasingly erratic behavior. Maps were spread across the table, territories marked in colored ink.

"Winter Court has intelligence suggesting Beron has moved Eris to the eastern dungeons," Kallias was saying, his voice crystalline and sharp as ice. "Our late Lord Kieraven provided similar information before his death in the war with Hybern."

The name hit you like a physical blow.

Kieraven.

Your vision blurred at the edges, the room suddenly too bright, too hot. Your heartbeat accelerated, a fluttering bird trapped in your chest. Something about that name made your skin crawl, though you couldn't place why. Your fingers curled into fists beneath the table, nails cutting into your palms.

"These dungeons have access points through the servant corridors," another Winter Court advisor added, pointing to the map with fingers that seemed too long, too pale.

A phantom sensation of cold hands gripping your wrists flashed through your body. Your throat tightened as if invisible fingers pressed against it.

Beside you, Azriel shifted slightly in his seat.

To anyone else, the movement would appear negligible, a simple adjustment of posture. But you felt his attention sharpen, felt his shadows condense beneath the table, pooling around your feet in silent vigilance. His face remained impassive, yet something in his eyes had changed, a dangerous awareness that hadn't been there moments before.

"Are you well?" Tarquin asked from across the table, sea-glass eyes noting your pallor.

"Yes," you managed, though your voice sounded thin even to your own ears. "Just concerned for my brother."

The meeting continued, but you felt increasingly detached, a strange buzzing filling your head. Whenever your gaze drifted toward the Winter Court contingent, unease rippled through you, gooseflesh rising on your arms. You deliberately looked away, focusing instead on the maps spread across the table, tracing the familiar outlines of Autumn Court territories.

Azriel remained silent throughout, his contributions limited to precise tactical observations when directly addressed. But his attention never wavered from you, from the cold sweat beading at your temples, from the minute tremors in your hands that you tried to hide.

"The eastern corridor has twelve guards stationed at regular intervals," the Winter Court representative continued, "but there are passages between guard rotations where..."

Thirteen.

The thought came unbidden, bewildering in its certainty. There were thirteen.

"...where infiltration would be possible with proper timing."

When the Winter Court advisor mentioned "corridors in the eastern wing," your stomach twisted violently. Without warning, tears sprang to your eyes, though you had no idea why. The scent of frost and blood filled your nostrils, a memory that couldn't be yours.

Stone walls. Cold floor. Hands holding you down.

"The structure of these dungeons suggests a weakness in the northwestern corner," Kallias added, his pale finger tracing a path on the map.

Voices whispering things that couldn't be forgotten. Pain beyond naming.

You blinked back tears furiously, refusing to show weakness in front of these powerful beings. But Azriel noticed, of course he did. Nothing escaped the shadowsinger's attention, especially not concerning you.

His hand found yours beneath the table, scarred fingers wrapping around your trembling ones. A touch so light it might have been imagined, yet anchoring you to the present. His face remained distant, focused on the maps, but his thumb traced a small circle against your wrist, steadying your frantic pulse.

"Each rotation changes at midnight," the Winter Court advisor was saying. His voice seemed to come from far away, distorted as if through water. "Which gives a window of approximately seven minutes..."

Seven minutes. Seven minutes where no one came. Seven minutes of desperate hope before the eighth male arrived.

The room began to spin, colors bleeding into one another. Your lungs couldn't seem to draw enough air, each breath shallow and insufficient. The bond beneath your skin pulsed erratically, your borrowed Fae body remembering what your human mind could not.

When you tried to speak, your throat closed. Panic rose without explanation, your breath coming in short, shallow gasps. The room seemed to shrink around you, the voices of the High Lords becoming distant and indistinct.

A single tear escaped despite your efforts, tracking silently down your cheek.

Azriel was on his feet in an instant, his movement so smooth it seemed he'd simply materialized standing. His shadows flared around him, tendrils whipping in patterns that spoke of deadly intent, though his face remained controlled.

"My lady requires air," he announced, his voice giving no room for question or challenge. "Continue without us."

Before anyone could object, he had gathered you into his arms. Not gently, not tenderly, but with efficient, impersonal precision that would appear as duty rather than concern to watching eyes. His wings unfurled as he strode toward the balcony, his face a mask of cold indifference that belied the protective fury radiating from him.

"My apologies for the interruption," he said to Rhysand, his tone suggesting anything but remorse. "We'll return shortly."

Then you were airborne, the cool night air rushing past as Azriel carried you away from the River House. Your body trembled against his, tears flowing freely now though you still couldn't understand why.

"I don't know what's happening to me," you whispered against his chest, embarrassment and confusion warring within you. "I don't know why I'm reacting this way."

Azriel said nothing, his silence almost comforting as he flew through the darkness. The city fell away beneath you as he climbed higher, banking toward a sheer cliff face that towered over Velaris. Stars scattered across the vast expanse of night sky, cold and distant as ancient memories.

He landed on a small ledge invisible from below. A tiny flat space carved into the rock, overlooking the entire city and the sea beyond. A single bench made of polished stone sat against the cliff wall, worn smooth from centuries of use. The air here smelled of wild thyme and night jasmine, undisturbed by the scents of the city below.

"No one knows about this place," he said, setting you carefully on the bench. "Not even Cassian or Rhys." The admission hung in the air between you, significant in its rarity.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to stop the trembling that seemed to come from somewhere deep within. "I'm sorry for disrupting the meeting. I don't understand what came over me."

Azriel moved to the ledge's edge, wings partially extended as if ready for flight. His shadows swirled in agitated patterns around him, occasionally forming shapes that looked almost like protective shields before dissolving back into formless dark.

"You have nothing to apologize for," he said, his voice softer than you'd ever heard it.

"I do," you insisted, wiping at tears that wouldn't stop. "Breaking down like this when Eris needs us to be strong, to be focused..."

Azriel turned to face you, and the expression in his eyes made you fall silent. Not tenderness or concern, but something darker, more knowing. His shadows quieted, gathering close to his body as if containing secrets too dangerous to share.

"The body remembers what the mind forgets," he said, each word carefully chosen. "Sometimes it warns us of dangers we don't consciously recognize."

You shook your head, confusion only deepening. "What are you talking about? I've never even met these people before."

Azriel didn't answer directly. His gaze shifted to the city below, to the River House where the conclave continued without you. "The Winter Court," he said finally, voice so low you had to strain to hear it. "Your reaction wasn't without cause."

"I don't understand," you whispered, another tear sliding down your cheek.

He moved to sit beside you, not touching, a precise distance maintained between your bodies. His shadows, however, encircled you both, creating a barrier between you and the rest of the world. The scent of night-chilled stone and cedar enveloped you, bringing strange comfort.

"You're safe here," he said, voice gentle despite its underlying steel. "No one can reach you. No one can hurt you."

The words should have been comforting. Instead, they made you cry harder, great gulping sobs that seemed to rise from some hidden well of grief you hadn't known existed. Your body remembered something your mind could not access, a trauma buried beneath layers of magic and dimensional walls.

"Why do I feel like this?" you gasped between sobs. "Why does it hurt when I don't even know what's hurting me?"

Azriel remained silent for a long moment, his shadows shifting restlessly. When he finally spoke, his voice was carefully controlled. "Some wounds run deeper than memory."

You turned to face him fully, frustration cutting through your tears. "Stop speaking in riddles. Tell me what you know."

His eyes met yours, ancient and knowing and filled with a darkness that made you shiver. "I can't," he said softly. "This is something you must discover for yourself, when you're ready."

The bond between you pulsed, golden light briefly visible beneath both your skins. It thrummed with truth, with connection deeper than conscious thought.

"Your human life," Azriel continued carefully, "and this Fae existence... they're more connected than you know."

Before you could press further, he removed his outer leathers and draped it around your shoulders. The leather was still warm from his body, carrying his scent. The weight of it was grounding, pulling you back from the edge of panic.

"For now," he continued, "just know that your reactions are valid. That what you feel is real, even if you don't understand why."

The certainty in his voice gave you pause. There was more to this, much more, than he was saying. But the gentleness underlying his cold exterior suggested whatever knowledge he held was being withheld out of protection, not cruelty.

"Will you tell me someday?" you asked, pulling his jacket tighter around you.

"When you're ready to hear it," he promised, shadows briefly touching your hand before retreating. "Not before."

After a long while, when your tears had finally subsided, you found yourself leaning against him despite your earlier resolve to maintain distance. His body tensed momentarily at the contact, then relaxed, one arm coming around you with cautious precision.

You both sat in silence, watching the stars reflect on the distant sea. The panic had receded, leaving exhaustion in its wake. The night air carried the salt scent of the ocean mixed with the wild herbs growing in crevices of the cliff face.

"I sometimes think about what life would be like," you whispered into the night, voice raw from tears, "if I stayed in Prythian."

The moment the words left your lips, the entire world seemed to still. Even the wind paused, holding its breath with you.

Azriel's body went rigid against yours, but his arm remained, a steady anchor around your shoulders. His shadows, ever-moving, froze in mid-air like fractured pieces of night. The only sound between you was the soft rhythm of his breathing, more careful now, more measured.

"Tell me," you continued, heart hammering against your ribs, "if you could choose any life for us, what would it be?"

The question hung between you, fragile as spun glass.

For several heartbeats, he didn't move, didn't speak. Then his shadows pulled tight around his body, as if he were gathering parts of himself that had never been exposed to light.

"Not here," he finally said, voice so low you felt it more than heard it, rough-edged with longing he'd never allowed himself to voice. "Not in Velaris or any court."

You tilted your face to study his profile, severe and beautiful against the backdrop of stars. "Where then?"

He swallowed, the movement visible in the strong column of his throat.

"There's a place..." He faltered, then began again. "Beyond the western mountains. Past Illyrian territory."

His voice softened into something you'd never heard from him before, something almost reverent. "A valley hidden between two peaks where the snow never falls too heavily and the summers are mild."

As he spoke, his shadows formed shapes you could almost recognize. Mountain peaks. Pine trees. A lake surface rippled by gentle wind.

"No High Lords," he continued, something in his voice breaking open. "No war. Just forest and mountains and a lake clear enough to see the stars reflected in its depths."

Your breath caught. "It sounds beautiful."

"I found it centuries ago," he admitted, the confession weighted with significance. "During a mission for Rhys. I've never told anyone about it." The words that followed were quieter still.

The knowledge settled in your chest, a precious gift. This wasn't simply a fantasy he was spinning; this was a secret he had kept, a dream he had nurtured in solitude for centuries.

"Why not?"

His eyes remained fixed on the horizon, as if he could see this valley even now, waiting beyond the darkness. "Because some sanctuaries must remain untouched." His voice dropped further. "Because some dreams are too fragile to share."

The bond between you pulsed, golden and warm, as if in recognition of truth freely given.

"Would we have a house there?" you asked, allowing yourself to fall into this impossible future.

"A cabin," he corrected softly. "Built of pine and stone. Simple but strong."

He hesitated, then added in a voice that made your heart crack open. "Windows facing the sunrise."

"With a porch," you added, your own voice thick with emotion. "Where we could watch thunderstorms rolling across the mountains."

His shadows stirred, curling toward you before retreating. "Yes," he agreed. "And space behind it for a garden, if you wanted one."

"I would," you whispered, the vision so vivid you could almost feel soil beneath your fingernails. "Herbs and vegetables. Maybe wildflowers. Things that heal and feed and bring beauty."

You closed your eyes, imagination carrying you further into this shared dream. "What would we do there? So far from everything?"

"Live," he said softly.

The word hung between you, heavy with all it contained. No wars. No courts. No duty. No pain. Just existence without the weight of the world on your shoulders. Without the pressure of a bond neither of you had asked for. Without the pull of another world where machines kept a body breathing while you inhabited this one.

"No missions," you murmured. "No courts summoning you away."

His arm tightened fractionally around you. "No more shadows used as weapons," he said, voice roughened with longing that cut you to the bone. "Just shadows as they were meant to be, cast by trees and mountains and ordinary things."

Something tight in your chest unraveled at his words. This wasn't merely a dream of escape. This was his deepest yearning—to be defined not by his power or utility, but by simple humanity.

"Ember and Sizzle would love it," you said, thinking of your flame bunnies exploring forest trails.

A sound escaped him—so close to a laugh it made your heart stumble. "They'd terrorize the local wildlife," he replied.

"I'd want coffee," you said, surprising yourself with the mundane desire.

Azriel turned his face toward you then, his expression softer than you'd ever seen it. "I'd find a way to get it for you," he promised. The certainty in his voice made something within you ache. "Whatever it takes."

"I'd bring other things too," you continued, warming to the idea. "Music. Books. Ridiculous holiday traditions that would make no sense to you."

His brow lifted slightly. "Like what?"

"Christmas trees," you said, smiling despite the tears still drying on your cheeks. "Bringing an entire pine tree inside the house and covering it with shiny objects. For no logical reason whatsoever."

His brow furrowed. "That sounds... hazardous. Especially with your flame bunnies."

The laugh that escaped you was unexpected, bright and clean in the night air. "It is! People's houses catch fire all the time. But we do it anyway because it's beautiful."

Something shifted in his expression as he watched you laugh—a softening, a wonder, as if he'd just witnessed something rare and precious. His shadows reached toward you, hesitant, almost shy.

"Tell me more," he said, voice hushed with quiet hunger. "About these strange human traditions."

"We'd have movie nights," you said, leaning into him. "Which would be impossible without electricity, but let's pretend. We'd huddle under blankets and watch stories play out on a screen."

"I don't understand what that means," he admitted. The honesty in his face, the genuine desire to know this part of you, made your throat tight with emotion.

"It doesn't matter," you whispered. "I'd find other stories to share. We'd make our own traditions."

His eyes held yours, something unspoken passing between you. The bond thrummed, golden threads weaving tighter with each heartbeat.

"Would we have children?" you asked, the question slipping out before courage failed you.

Azriel went completely still, even his breathing suspended. For a terrible moment, you thought you'd shattered everything with that single question.

Then his arm tightened around you, so subtly you might have imagined it if not for the way his shadows trembled, forming and reforming shapes that looked suspiciously like tiny winged figures near your joined hands.

"Would you want them?" he asked, voice controlled to the point of breaking.

"Yes," you admitted, the word falling like a stone into still water. "Two, I think. A boy and a girl."

"With wings?" he asked, the question barely audible.

You turned to face him fully, heart in your throat at the vulnerability in his expression. "Of course with wings," you said fiercely. "Beautiful wings like their father's."

His breath caught, the small sound devastating in its honesty. His hand found yours, scarred fingers intertwining with your own as if they'd always belonged there.

"And your fire," he said, voice rough with emotion. "Your courage. Your heart."

The bond between you blazed, golden light spilling from beneath your skin to illuminate the darkness around you. His shadows didn't recoil from the light but danced with it, twining together in patterns that spoke of possibility.

"They'd be free," you whispered, the realization settling bone-deep. "No courts claiming them. No ancient grudges to inherit. Just mountains and forests and stars."

"I'd teach them to fly," Azriel said, voice breaking on the final word. "Among the peaks at sunrise."

You could see it so clearly—his powerful hands steady on small backs, his fierce protectiveness tempered with patience as tiny wings learned to catch the wind.

"I'd teach them stories from both worlds," you said, tears gathering again. "So they'd understand where they came from. Who they are."

"They'd know peace," he said, the word like a prayer on his lips. "True peace."

You both fell silent, the shared vision suspended between you—so vivid, so beautiful, so achingly out of reach. The cabin in the valley. The children with wings. The life built on choice rather than duty or obligation.

Yet for the first time, you found yourself wondering which world truly felt like home. The human one, with its beeping monitors and grieving family? Or this one, with its magic and pain and the possibility of a valley beyond the mountains?

"It's a beautiful dream," you finally said, unable to keep the longing from your voice.

Azriel shifted, turning to face you fully. "It doesn't have to be just a dream," he said, and for the first time in all your encounters, you heard naked pleading in his voice—an emotion you'd never expected from the controlled, deadly shadowsinger.

When you looked up, what you saw stole your breath. Azriel—the Night Court's most feared assassin, the male who had witnessed five centuries of darkness without flinching—had tears in his eyes. Not falling, not yet, but there, shimmering in the starlight like diamonds.

"Azriel," you whispered, reaching up without thinking to touch his face.

He caught your hand with his scarred one, pressing your palm against his cheek in a gesture so vulnerable it fractured something essential inside you. His skin was cool beneath your touch, but warming rapidly. The bond between you pulsed, a heartbeat shared across bodies and worlds.

"Whatever you choose," he said, each word weighted with centuries of solitude, "know that the cabin waits. Whether in a month or a century." His voice faltered. "Whether we go together or—"

The words died in his throat, but you heard them nonetheless.

"Or I return to my world," you completed for him, the possibility that had always stood between you.

He nodded once, barely perceptible. But his eyes, those ancient, haunted eyes that had witnessed centuries of darkness, held yours with unflinching courage.

"Either way," he said, "I wanted you to know. That somewhere, there is a place that belongs to us alone. Without courts or duty or pain."

The first tear fell then, tracing a silver path down his scarred cheek and onto your joined hands.

The bond between you flared, golden light spilling from your joined hands, illuminating your faces in the darkness. Not a chain binding you together, but a bridge between worlds, between possibilities.

"Thank you," you whispered, voice breaking. "For showing me this. For letting me see."

His only response was to draw you against him, wings unfurling to create a private sanctuary around you both. Against your cheek, you felt the steady rhythm of his heart, its beat perfectly synchronized with your own.

Tomorrow would bring danger—Eris's rescue, confrontation with Beron, an uncertain future beyond. But for now, cradled against the shadowsinger's chest while his rare tears mingled with your own, you allowed yourself to hold that impossible dream close.

The cabin in the valley. The children with wings. The life beyond the courts.

A dream, perhaps.

But with the golden bond pulsing beneath your skin, the solid warmth of his body against yours, the scent of night-chilled stone and cedar surrounding you, the human world of beeping monitors and grieving family seemed increasingly distant. Like a half-remembered dream fading with the dawn.

For the first time since waking in this borrowed Fae body, you felt something settle inside you. Not certainty, not yet. But possibility. Hope.

Home.

Which was real? Which was home?

For the first time, you weren't certain you knew the answer.

The golden bond thrummed beneath your skin as you woke, an urgent pulse matching your heartbeat. Outside, Velaris slept under indigo skies, last stars fading as dawn approached.

Perfect timing. Perfect silence.

You dressed in shadow, fingers finding Lucien's enchanted blade without looking. Its weight at your hip felt both foreign and familiar, like muscle memory that didn't belong to you.

Ember and Sizzle materialized at your feet, tiny flame bodies flickering with anxiety. They sensed your intentions without words. You pressed a finger to your lips, and they quieted, though pink embers sparked with protest.

"Stay," you whispered, stroking each once. "Wait for him to return."

They settled on the windowsill, sentinels against the pale horizon, their glow dimmed to near-invisibility.

Downstairs, the townhouse held its breath. Azriel's jacket hung by the door, night-chilled stone and cedar wrapping around you as you slipped it over your shoulders. One last comfort before what must be done.

Your fingers found the silver charm at your throat, his parting gift. Break it and I'll come to you, across any distance. You placed it on the small table, a note beneath in your hurried hand.

Forgive me.

Three heartbeats later, Velaris's pre-dawn streets enveloped you. The rising sun gilded rooftops with the same golden light that pulsed beneath your skin, a warning you ignored.

What you planned was foolish. Suicidal, even.

Going alone to rescue Eris when the combined might of multiple courts had organized for tomorrow. But another day meant more torture for your brother. Another day risked Azriel's life for your family's conflict.

Another day meant facing him with the truth. That you planned to return to your world. That his dream of a cabin in the valley, of children with wings and your shared future, would remain just that, a dream.

Between one step and the next, reality fractured.

The hospital room blurred over Velaris's cobblestones. Your aunt's face, tear-stained and haggard, superimposed over dawn-touched buildings.

"The doctors say it's time to consider letting you go," her voice echoed, "but I can't. I just can't."

You stumbled, shoulder striking stone. A passing Night Court citizen glanced with concern, but your forced smile sent them on their way.

The winnowing point beckoned from the edge of the city, a place to bend reality and step directly into Autumn's territory. You'd memorized it from the war maps, burned it into your mind while the High Lords plotted.

But first came the hardest part.

In an alcove away from prying eyes, you pressed your hand to your chest. The bond pulsed steadily, familiar as breathing. A constant presence anchoring you to this world, to him.

"I can't let you suffer when I go," you whispered to no one, to him, to yourself. Golden light spilled between your fingers. "It would destroy you."

Better a clean break. Better mercy than slow torment.

"I release you."

The golden light flared, blinding.

"I sever this bond, not out of hatred but mercy."

Pain lanced through your chest, not external but from within, like ribs cracking outward.

"Not out of rejection..."

Your knees struck cobblestones.

"...but protection."

Tears blurred your vision, golden light pulsing erratically.

"I reject this bond." The words tasted like ash and iron. "I reject it so you may be free when I am gone."

Something inside you tore, not muscle or bone but something essential, something primal. Your vision whited out, breath stolen.

"I reject it because..." a gasping sob interrupted, "...because I love you."

The golden light pulsed once more, then dimmed. The connection that had hummed between you since that first moment in the Autumn Court didn't vanish but receded, like music heard underwater, distorted, distant, muffled.

Cold swept through spaces where warmth had lived. Hollowness echoed where completeness had dwelled. Your hand pressed against your sternum, searching for the familiar pulse, finding only silence.

You dragged yourself upright, swaying. The world felt wrong, off-balance. You'd grown so accustomed to the bond's weight that its absence left you lightweight, untethered.

No time for mourning.

Dawn broke fully now, spilling gold across the city. Soon Azriel would return. Soon he'd find the charm. Soon he'd feel the muted bond and know.

The winnowing point shimmered as you approached. Your magic felt diminished without the bond's amplification, but determination burned hotter than power. You gathered what remained, world dissolving around you.

Reality reassembled. Endless autumn spread before you, trees burning with color that never faded, crimson and gold leaves against a perpetual sunset sky.

You stepped forward, then stumbled as another merged memory hit, hospital corridors overlaid with forest paths. Medical staff around your bed, discussing options, timelines, prognoses. "Irreversible" floated through the air as your doctor shook his head.

"Not yet," you gasped, forcing clarity. "I'm not finished here."

The castle loomed in the distance, Beron's ancestral seat. Eastern dungeons, according to intelligence. Servant passages with specific guard rotations.

You moved toward it, staying to shadows, avoiding patrolled roads. The spice-and-smoke scent of autumn wrapped around you, so different from Velaris's salt-touched breeze. Yet something in you recognized it, a distant familiarity you refused to acknowledge.

Spires pierced a blood-orange sky as you approached. Your body ducked beneath a low archway without conscious decision, hands finding servant passages your mind shouldn't know existed. Stone whispered beneath your fingers, hidden doors responding to touches that felt both foreign and instinctive.

Memory flashed, running these same passages as a child, hiding from brothers who sought to torment, servants who sought to tame.

Not your memory. Not your life.

You pushed it away.

The first guard appeared at the dungeon approach, young, barely more than a boy, bored with his assignment. His eyes widened at sight of you, recognition blooming.

"My lady," he breathed, dropping to one knee. "We were told you were..."

Your hand found his forehead before he finished, sleep spell springing to your lips without thought or practice. He slumped forward, consciousness fleeing.

The magic drained you more than it should have. Without the bond's strength flowing through you, your powers were diminished, hollowed. You leaned against stone, breath ragged.

"Just a little further," you told yourself, pushing away.

The main dungeon entrance waited ahead, an iron door carved with moving flame patterns. Two alert guards stood before it, hands on weapons.

You couldn't risk another sleep spell. Not when Eris waited beyond, not when escape would demand whatever magic remained. You drew Lucien's blade instead, its enchanted edge catching torchlight.

Then you stepped into view.

"My lady," one gasped, shock evident. "Lord Beron said..."

"Lord Beron says many things." Your voice emerged colder than you'd ever heard it, a tone that didn't belong to you but to the body you inhabited, the cruelty cultivated over centuries.

Both guards hesitated, confusion and fear battling across their features. They'd been trained to obey the High Lord, but generations of instinct told them to defer to the Lady of Autumn.

You exploited that hesitation, moving with deadly grace you'd never possessed in your human life. The blade found the first guard's throat, not killing, but promising.

"Open the door," you commanded the second, "or watch your companion bleed."

He fumbled with keys, fear making him clumsy. The heavy door swung open with a groan of metal, revealing a staircase spiraling into darkness.

"Down," you ordered, pushing the first guard ahead while keeping the second at blade-point.

The stairs descended endlessly, air growing colder, damper with each step. Blood and fear-scent thickened as you descended, your stomach knotting with dread.

At the bottom waited another door, this one reinforced with both iron and magic.

You studied the symbols carved into its surface, pulsing with malevolent energy. Following instinct that wasn't yours, you pressed your palm against the center where Beron's sigil burned brightest.

Fire erupted beneath your hand, searing your palm. You gritted your teeth, refusing to pull away as the sigil flared once, recognized something in you, then faded to ash. The door swung open.

You turned to them, fire of the Autumn Court burning in your eyes. "Leave," you commanded.

They fled, taking the stairs two at a time.

The chamber beyond was lit by a single brazier, shadows dancing across stained stone. The air reeked of blood and burned flesh, of bile and sweat and despair.

And there, chained to the far wall, hung Eris.

Your breath caught. You'd prepared yourself for injury, for pain. Not for this.

The once-handsome face swollen beyond recognition. His right arm hung at an unnatural angle, broken in multiple places. Blood had dried in rusty streaks down his chest and legs. The stench of infection and charred flesh made your eyes water.

His breathing came in wet, labored gasps. Each inhale bubbled with what might be blood in his lungs.

"Eris," you whispered, rushing forward.

At your voice, his head lifted slightly. One eye, the only one not swollen shut, focused on you with effort.

"You... fool," he croaked, each word a struggle. "Trap."

"I'm getting you out," you said, examining the chains that bound him.

His laugh was a broken thing, dry as autumn leaves. "Sister... you need to..."

You reached for the chains, examining the enchanted metal. "I need to get you out of here."

"Be careful," he warned, words slurring. "Spelled to..."

You pressed Lucien's blade against the lock before he finished. The enchanted metal glowed briefly, then clicked open. Eris slumped forward as the chains released, his weight falling against you.

"Can't walk," he mumbled against your shoulder. "Ankle... shattered."

"Then I'll carry you," you replied, though you had no idea how you'd manage it without the bond's strength.

Before you could figure out a solution, slow clapping echoed through the chamber.

You whirled, pushing Eris behind you as best you could while drawing your blade.

Beron stood in the doorway, flame crown burning atop his head. Behind him, a dozen guards filled the stairway, weapons drawn.

"How touching," the High Lord of Autumn said, voice like silk over steel. "The wayward daughter returns for her traitorous brother."

"Father," you acknowledged, keeping your blade steady despite the fear coursing through you.

Beron studied you, head tilting slightly. "But you're not really my daughter anymore, are you?"

A chill ran down your spine.

Beron circled you slowly, flames dancing at his fingertips. "My daughter was cruel. Calculating. Vicious." His eyes narrowed. "She would never have risked herself for anyone, least of all Eris."

The way he said it, not with anger but something like baffled wonder, unnerved you more than rage would have.

"I'm not her," you said flatly. "I never claimed to be."

"And yet..." Beron's voice softened unexpectedly, "...you opened the sigil door. Only the power of the High Lord can do that."

Something in his expression shifted, a flicker of recognition that made your heart stutter.

"I remember when you were born," he said, each word deliberate. "So small. The first female born to Autumn in three centuries."

"Stop it," you snapped. "These mind games won't work."

A memory flashed unbidden, sitting on Beron's knee as a child, watching in wonder as he formed fire animals in his palm.

You shook your head violently. "Those aren't my memories."

"You don't want them to be," Beron corrected. His flame crown dimmed slightly as he studied you. "But they are yours. As is this body. As is this court."

"I have a family," you insisted. "A life waiting for me."

"And yet you're here." Beron gestured to the dungeon around you. "Risking everything for a brother who would have let you die without a second thought."

"He's lying," Eris rasped from behind you, somehow finding strength to stand straighter. "Tell her, Beron."

"Tell me what?" you repeated, unwillingly drawn into the conversation.

"After Winter Court," Eris said, each word costing him. "Thirteen nobles. Left you for dead."

Beron's jaw tightened. "Ancient history. Diplomatic matters."

"Not... diplomatic," Eris forced out, blood speckling his lips with the effort. "Assault. Torture. Abandonment."

Ice flooded your veins as another memory surfaced, cold hands on your skin. Laughter echoing off stone walls.

Pain beyond imagining.

"No," you whispered, the blade trembling in your grasp. "That's not... I'm not..."

"Your soul fractured that night," Eris continued, each word a blade between your ribs. "Split in two. Half fled to another world."

"That's not possible," you said, but your voice lacked conviction.

Because it made sense. It explained everything, the foreign memories, the body that felt both alien and familiar, the life in another world that seemed increasingly distant.

"My little flame," Beron said, and the childhood endearment struck like a physical blow. "I made you into something terrible because I had to. The courts would have devoured you otherwise."

Another memory, Beron teaching you to hurt servants, to hide weakness, to cultivate cruelty as armor.

"You were so gentle as a child," he continued, something like regret coloring his tone. "I remember how you wept when you accidentally burned a butterfly. How you tried to heal it with your fingers."

The memory crashed through your defenses, the orange butterfly, its wings blackened by your untrained magic. The desperate attempt to save it, tiny hands cupping its broken body.

"Stop," you begged, but the memories kept coming.

Beron took a step toward you. For an instant, his face transformed, not the cruel High Lord but the father who'd once lifted you to his shoulders. "I wasn't there when Winter took you. I thought... I thought it was politics. By the time I realized..."

"It was too late," you finished, the words rising from somewhere deep inside. "I was already torn apart..."

Beron nodded, something like pain flashing across his features. "Your mother warned me. She said making you cruel would destroy what made you special. I didn't listen."

The blade wavered in your hand, your voice breaking. "You left me to them. You let them..."

"I didn't know what they planned," Beron said, but his eyes slid away from yours. The lie sat heavy between you.

"You knew," Eris snarled, finding strength from somewhere deep inside. Blood trickled from his mouth with each word. "You knew and did nothing. Then covered it all up."

"You understand nothing of ruling," Beron snapped, anger flaring. "Sacrifices must be made. Alliances preserved."

"I was your daughter," you whispered, the truth of it settling into your bones. "Your only daughter."

Something in Beron's face cracked then, a glimpse of the father beneath the High Lord's mask. "Yes," he admitted. "And I failed you."

The words hung in the air between you, unexpected in their sincerity.

For a heartbeat, silence reigned.

Then Eris moved.

It happened so fast you barely registered it. Eris, who moments ago could barely stand, lunged forward with hidden strength. Something flashed in his hand, a small blade concealed somewhere on his broken body.

It struck Beron in the chest, driving deep. Directly into his heart.

Beron's eyes widened in shock, his gaze locked with Eris's. "Son?" he gasped, blood bubbling at his lips.

"For her," Eris whispered, holding his father's gaze without flinching. "For what you let happen."

Beron's flame crown sputtered, then flared blindingly bright. Power, ancient and terrible, erupted from his body as he collapsed. It swirled like a living tornado, seeking its new vessel.

Eris fell to his knees, arms outstretched, face lifted to receive what had been promised him for centuries, the High Lord's power.

But the magic had other ideas.

It swirled around Eris, examined him, then veered sharply toward you. Golden fire engulfed you, lifting you from the ground as it poured into your chest, your veins, your very soul.

You whimpered as centuries of power and knowledge invaded your body, not just magic but memory, history, duty.

The fractured pieces of yourself collided, human and Fae, present and past, nurse and Lady of Autumn.

When the transfer ended, you collapsed beside Beron's motionless form. The High Lord of Autumn was dead. His power now resided in you.

"No," you whispered, staring at your hands where flames now danced unbidden. "No, this isn't right."

Eris stared at you in shock, his face drained of what little color remained.

"It chose you," he said, disbelief evident. "The magic recognized its own."

Around you, the guards had fallen to their knees, recognizing their new High Lady in the same moment you did.

"I didn't want this," you said, tears streaming down your face. "I'm not supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be..."

But where were you supposed to be?

The hospital room seemed like a distant dream now, your human life fading like mist in morning sun. This, the flames dancing at your fingertips, the memories flooding back, the fractured soul finally reunited, this was real.

"Long live the High Lady of Autumn," Eris said, bowing his head despite his injuries. "My sister. My High Lady."

Fire danced across your skin, responding to emotions too complex to name. You weren't just who you'd been in that hospital bed. You weren't just the cruel Lady of Autumn from before.

You were both. You were neither.

You were something new entirely, forged in trauma, tempered by two lives, crowned in fire.

And somewhere deep inside, beneath the shock and grief and power, a small voice whispered.

This is who you were always meant to be.

Author's Note: I could apologize for the emotional damage... but let’s not lie to each other. You came here willingly. 😌🔥 Beron’s toast (literally), your girl’s a High Lady, and Azriel is one "where is she?!" away from emotionally combusting in a corner. Buckle up. It only gets worse better from here.

💌 Thanks for reading, crying, and mentally punching Beron with me. Now the real questions: Will our girl embrace her inner fire queen or sprint back to her coma body like it’s the last bus home? Will Azriel survive this emotional rollercoaster without setting something (or someone) on fire? Will Eris finally get a nap?

Stay tuned. I have no idea either. 😇

Taglist: @circe143@lunarxcity@willowpains@messageforthesmallestman@lreadsstuff@evye47@lovely-susie@moonfawnx@tele86@moonlitlavenders@darkbloodsly @ees-chaotic-brain @smol-grandpa@auraofathena@lottiiee413@minaaminaa8@claudiab22@moonbeamruins@shewolf1549@crimsonandwhiteprincess@a-band-aid-for-your-heart@kathren1sky-blog@alimarie1105@masbt1218@topaz125@falszywe@randomdumsblog@sophia-grace2025@okaytrashpanda@thegoddessofnothingness @unarxcity @svearehnn@suhke3@galaxystern08@ivy-34@hellsenthero@nayaniasworld@raccoonworld@bobbywobbby@evergreenlark@greenmandm@shinyghosteclipse@catloverandreader@the-onlyy-angie@bunnboosblog@i-like-boooks@ashduv@kayjaywrites@lovelyreaderlovesreading@badbishsblog@vera0124@i-am-infinite @scatteredstardustt @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @chaotic-luvrs @etsukomoonbeam @justtryingtosurvive02 @dianxiaxiexie @annaaaaa88 @mortqlprojections @quiet-loser @shamelesswolftheorist @vanserrasimp @lovelyflower7777 @probendingwords @allthatisbuck1917 @thejediprincess56 @forvalentineboy @romwyz @plowden @jada-lockwood @traveling-neverland @wanderwithmex @magicaldragonlady @makemeurvillain @justswimm @saltedcoffeescotch @rafeecameronsbitch @sherhd @stainedpomegranatelips @ayohockeycheck @yourdarkrose @taurusvic @illyrianshadow @s-h-e-l-b-e-e @ly--canthrope @star-chaser1 @dormantzzzs

[azziebaddy]

explorations in intimacy

a/n: surprise! a smutty bonus for bound by fear reader and az! (which can really be read alone and isn't super thought out but it was fun to write)

pairing: Azriel x Reader

content warnings: anxiety/insecurity caused by past trauma, smut 18+ (thigh riding, wing play, it's soft but filthy), language

word count: 5.0k

synopsis: Maybe it was time you learned how to satiate the need that coursed through you every time you looked at your mate.

part 1 ~ part 2

my masterlist

~ ~ ~

“You’re blushing.”

“I’m not.”

Nesta reached over to poke your cheek. “You are.”

You batted her hand away, your skin instantly going hotter. “Stop, before someone hears you.”

“So,” she hummed, “sweaty and broody Ilyrians do it for you, huh?”

Not really, but Azriel—Azriel was different. Everything he did was sinfully attractive, and the hot desire that rushed through you constantly in his presence was…uncomfortable. Intriguing. Terrifying. Your face was molten from Nesta’s teasing, but you couldn’t drag your eyes away from Azriel, not even as you gave a half-hearted retort, “You’re one to talk.”

She waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, I know. All Cassian has to do is breathe and I’m ready to jump his bones.”

Cassian cut a glance toward where the two of you sat on the other side of the room, a wicked smirk spreading across his lips before blocking Azriel’s blow with his sword.

Nesta rolled her eyes, but mortification swept through you at the realization that if Cassian heard her, Azriel definitely did too. She nudged you with her elbow, finally pulling your gaze from the sparring Shadowsinger. “You are allowed to ogle, you know,” she said, voice somehow both teasing and gentle. “He is your mate, after all.”

You swallowed hard, eyes falling away from her gaze. “I know that.”

Emerie and Gwyn appeared in front of  you, Emerie sitting beside you with a smile while Gwyn sat next to Nesta. Emerie put her leg out in front of her, leaning forward to stretch, but her gaze stayed on you. “How are things with you and Azriel?”

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “You guys realize he can hear us, right?”

“Is there something wrong?” Emerie asked, her voice dropping low.

“No,” you said immediately, head snapping up to bounce your gaze between the three females. “No. He’s great. He’s perfect. I just—” you sighed, rubbing a hand up and down your arm. You looked at Nesta. “How long were you and Cassian mates before you—” You winced, feeling so naive and childish. “Before you were…intimate.”

Emerie snorted and Gwyn let out a laugh. Nesta glared at the two of them, but her cheeks were dusted pink when she looked at you. “We were—”

“They were intimate long before the bond snapped,” Emerie answered with a grin.

“Shut up, Emerie,” Nesta gritted out, glaring daggers at her friend who only chuckled. Nesta’s gaze slid back to you, an all too knowing look in her gaze. “Have you and Azriel…?”

A new wave of heat spread over your face, and you fought the urge to curl in on yourself when your gaze snagged on Azriel, who quickly diverted his own gaze when he realized he had been caught. You bit your lip, glancing back at Nesta. “No,” you murmured softly.

Emerie paused her stretching, and even Gwyn peered around Nesta curiously. “At all?” Nesta asked, but there was no judgment in her tone.

You shook your head. “No—I mean—we kiss, sometimes. But I think I want more. I’m just—I’m so scared—”

“Of Azriel?” Gwyn asked softly.

“No,” you answered quickly. “Not of him. But I’m scared of disappointing him—of making a fool of myself, or freaking out.”

“Have you talked to Azriel about this?” Nesta asked.

“Should I?”

“Yes,” all three of them said at once.

Your throat bobbed. “I just wish I knew something—anything. I don’t know what to expect. I don’t even know what I really want. I just know when I look at him—” You glanced at Azriel, his muscles gleaming and rippingly beneath a layer of sweat as he fended off Cassian’s attacks, hot desire curling around your core. “I need him.”

Nesta’s lips had pulled into a smirk, her own appreciative gaze lingering on her mate before looking back at you. “I know the feeling.”

Then, it was Gwyn who said, “I think it’s time you borrowed one of Nesta’s books.”

~ ~ ~

“This is an interesting book.”

Azriel’s low voice made you jump, a small yelp escaping from you as you clutched your towel to your chest. He was sprawled out on your bed with his head propped up on your pillows with the book Nesta gave you today cracked open in his hand. His boots were discarded on the floor, and he had stripped off pieces of his leathers, so all that was left was his shirt and pants. He closed the book slowly as his eyes dragged up your body, a hot flush spreading across you in their wake. “Sorry,” he said softly, his eyes finally meeting yours. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Your mouth was dry as you curled your hand tighter around the top of your towel. “It’s fine.” Even if you felt entirely too exposed. He was your mate, for Mother’s sake. He was allowed to see you in a fucking towel. You should want him to. You did want him to. You wanted him in ways you didn’t even understand, and that terrified you.

Azriel’s eyes softened, and your face flushed knowing he probably felt every insane and conflicting emotion swirling inside you. He sat up slowly, reaching for a stack of shirts by his feet. “I brought you some more shirts to sleep in,” he offered, voice gentle.

Your shoulders relaxed slightly, your heart clenching at the gesture as you walked closer to take the stack from his hands. “You don’t have to keep giving me your shirts,” you answered quietly.

He shrugged, a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “My motivations aren’t entirely selfless.”

Your lips twitched with a tentative smile, but then your gaze caught on the book tossed across the bed. “The book is Nesta’s,” you told him, voice tight. “I haven’t even read it yet.”

Not entirely, at least. You may have skimmed some parts, flicking through the pages and staring at the raunchy scenes Nesta had left marked for you in utter disbelief. Cauldron only knew what Azriel had read, what he thought you might have read—

“I know,” he said softly, knowingly, and you nodded shortly.

You closed your eyes, backing away from him. “So you did hear us today.”

“I did,” he admitted slowly, “But I’m also aware of Nesta’s literary tastes.” He picked up the book again, flipping through the pages. “Believe it or not, she gave you a tame one.”

You blanched. “That is tame?”

Azriel glanced at you. “I thought you hadn't read it?”

Your mouth snapped shut, embarrassment sluicing through you. “I—I mean—I haven’t—”

“Sweetheart,” Azriel said, quieting your stammering, “I’m only teasing. Read whatever you want.”

You bit your lip, nodding only once. You readjusted your grip on your towel, looking down at the floor.

“About your earlier conversation—”

“Let’s just pretend you never heard any of that, yeah?” you asked quickly, taking another step back from him.

Azriel licked his lips—again, sinful. After everything you had endured, you were starting to think that your drop-dead gorgeous mate might be the one to break your sanity. He took you in quietly, your heart pounding under his attention, but his gaze never strayed from your face. That fact made you feel warm—flustered in an entirely different way. A bone-deep recognition that you were safe. Azriel always made you feel safe, and you…you loved him for it. You loved him for his tender and patient heart that cared for those he loved without any inhibition, for never pushing you to say those words that you both felt, both knew were true, but were still scared to speak aloud.

“I would like to talk about it,” he said quietly, his words ripping you from your daze. “If you’re willing.”

You blinked. “Azriel—”

“Please?” he asked, voice soft and gentle in a way that always made you melt. Warmth flooded your chest that instantly soothed some of the tension wrapped tight around your body, but the nerves still lingered.

You weren’t ready to have this conversation. Then again, you weren’t sure you would ever be ready to have this conversation, and you were fairly certain that if Azriel didn’t initiate it, you never would. You knew he was listening to you at training today. You weren’t a fool. You knew he could hear every word you said, and you knew he would hear your question for Nesta, but you asked it anyway. A tiny part of you might have hoped it would lead you here, to this moment, with Azriel seeking you out.

“Can I just get dressed first?” you asked quietly, shifting on your feet.

Azriel nodded, his brow crinkling ever so slightly before he hid the sign of emotion. “Of course.”

Of course. He said that all the time. As if you didn’t need to ask him for permission for things, or as if you shouldn’t be shocked when he did something for you—like you should expect it. You were slowly—slowly—starting to believe that. And yet you still asked him stupid questions like if you were allowed to get dressed.

You moved toward your dresser, pulling out fresh underwear and tucking away his shirts, keeping one out to slip into now. You toyed with the knob of the drawer that held your shorts, then decided against them. You slipped the underwear up your legs and under the towel, then slid the shirt over your head, leaving the wing flaps unbuttoned. You dropped the towel to the floor, kicking it to the side instead of walking it to your hamper in the bathroom.

When you turned back to Azriel, you expected him to be watching you, but instead he was back to reading that damned book, and the gesture made your heart clench. “Az,” you murmured, tugging at the hem of the shirt that hit you mid-thigh.

His eyes snapped toward you, and his throat bobbed as his gaze caught momentarily on your legs. “This is new,” he murmured.

Your face flushed and you crossed your arms. “I’m sorry, let me put on some—”

“Y/N,” Azriel cut you off gently, and you met his eyes hesitantly. “Come here, baby.”

Mother. That name falling from his lips always unleashed a swarm of butterflies in your stomach. It was new—something that slipped out while he was kissing down your neck a few days ago, and when you whimpered and leaned further into him he had only smirked, then proceeded to slip it in whenever he could over the last few days. Every time it left you blushing and fumbling, and Azriel smug and smirking.

You stumbled over to the bed, climbing onto the oversized mattress to sit beside him. His hand reached for yours, his skin rough and warm against your own. He gently tugged you closer, guiding your pliant body until you were straddling his lap. Your entire body was flushed with heat. This wasn’t the first time you had been in this position, but it was one of only a few, and it was definitely the first time you had sat in his lap while in only your underwear. “Azriel,” you breathed out, nerves slowly simmering in your stomach, “What are you doing?”

His hands rested gently on your hips, his warmth seeping through your shirt and searing into your skin. “Trust me?”

You swallowed hard. “Yes,” you whispered, but that didn’t mean you weren’t nervous—weren’t unsure of where he was leading you—where you wanted him to lead you.

His thumbs rubbed small circles against your hips, his warm eyes stealing your breath as they met your own. His lips twitched, the corner of his eyes crinkling slightly, and you wanted to burn the sight into your memory. A cool tendril of shadow brushed against the bare skin of your calf, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. Hot anticipation was bubbling inside you, slowly eclipsing your nerves with every second your skin rubbed against his leathers, with every slow ministration he made over the fabric of your shirt. Your hands shakily reached for him, your palms pressing lightly against his abdomen, dragging up the hard planes of his muscle until you reached his shoulders, wishing the fabric that separated you would disappear.

One of his hands lifted to your jaw, cradling your face with tender care, but also with an edge of dominance. It scared you how much you liked for him to be in charge, how much you liked when he guided you.

His lips were warm as they pressed against your jaw, a soft and light touch that felt far too fleeting. You shifted in his lap as he pressed another kiss a little lower, gripping his shoulders tight as you tilted your head for him. He hummed as his lips met the skin below your ear, the satisfied sound causing you to release a shaky breath. It felt so good, and he had barely touched you.

His lips pressed against the corner of your mouth, the lightest touch against your own lips feeling like a taunt. Before you could complain, before you could whimper or beg him to just kiss you, he finally slotted his lips against your own, your body slumping into him with relief and pleasure coursing through you.

You loved this. You loved kissing him, feeling connected to him in a way you never thought was possible for you. You loved when he tugged on that glowing bond between the two of you, making you gasp so he could slip his tongue inside your mouth, exploring and tasting you in a way that left you breathless and desperate for more. You loved the way he tasted, like rosemary tea and sea salt, a taste that was somehow so unexpected and yet entirely Azriel it left you craving more. You couldn’t even drink the rosemary tea he gave you from his mother without thinking of him—craving him.

His other hand threaded through your hair, tugging on the strands lightly as he guided you impossibly closer to him, tilting your head to reach a better angle, his lips against your own filling you with ecstasy and desire that burned hotter and brighter every time you were with him. You needed him. You needed him desperately, but you had no idea what you wanted, how you wanted him, or how to go about asking for more when you didn’t know—

Azriel broke apart from you, his lips still brushing against yours lightly as the two of you breathed heavily, and something akin to dread started to swirl in your stomach. You didn’t want him to stop. You didn’t want him to treat you like a fragile flower that might wilt under pressure, even if you weren’t entirely convinced you could handle it.

But then he rasped, “I want to try something new.” The words fanned across your lips, and your eyes fluttered shut as that all-consuming desire doused your brewing panic. 

You nodded, your forehead bumping against his in your haste, making your cheeks flush. Azriel pressed another long and desperate kiss against your lips, nipping at your lower one before he pulled away again. “Yeah?” he breathed, one hand dropping to squeeze your hip. His fingers picked up the hem of your shirt, rucked up high around your waist. “What if I wanted to take this off?”

You swallowed hard, breaths still coming out hard and wanton as you stared at him. His eyes were dark with lust, and it made you feel ethereal. He wanted you, as much as you wanted him, and as much as you didn’t understand what he could possibly see in you—his desire only heightened yours ten-fold.

“I would say yes,” you whispered, voice rough with lust but still tinged with nerves. Nerves Azriel recognized.

He pressed another kiss to your neck, and then another, these kisses softer than others. “You’re always safe with me,” he murmured against your skin.

You knew that. Gods, you knew that, and you wanted to give this to him. You wanted to offer him this new piece of yourself, and show him you trusted him not to break it. You wanted to do this for yourself.

“I know,” you murmured, threading your fingers through his hair.

“Good,” he mumbled, pulling away from your neck. His eyes met yours, giving you another moment to change your mind as he slowly lifted the hem of your shirt. You nodded, eyes wide with anticipation, and he pulled the fabric over your head, leaving you bare for him from the waist up. His pupils dilated as his hands roamed over the skin of your waist, and you careened into his touch. “You’re everything,” he breathed, and you swallowed hard to fight the tears that stung at the back of your eyes. This was not the time to cry. Azriel would panic, and panic was the last thing you wanted. You wanted him to touch you—to kiss you and lick you in places unexplored. 

“Azriel,” you whimpered, tugging at the silky strands of hair between your fingers. “Please.”

His eyes flared at your begging, and his hands drifted higher, barely grazing the underside of your breasts. A whine broke free from your lips, and Azriel smirked. He pressed another kiss to your collarbone, moving lower and lower until his lips were teasing the soft flesh of your chest. “My sweet mate,” he hummed, and you tugged his head closer to your chest. “So needy.” 

You were ready to tell him to fuck off, but then—

Oh. Oh, gods. His lips wrapped around your nipple, slicking the sensitive bud with spit that felt heavenly as he dragged his teeth over the flesh. His hand came up to take his place as his lips wrapped around the other one, repeating the sinful ministrations with even more fervor. It had never felt like this. Nothing you had ever imagined, nothing you had ever done to yourself had made you feel like you were floating on a cloud of ecstasy.

Azriel palmed both of your breasts, coming up to connect his lips to yours. His thumbs rolled over the tight flesh, and you moaned at the pleasure that raced down to your center. “Tell me something,” he panted against your lips, pressing another kiss to your mouth before asking, “Do you ever touch yourself?”

The question made you falter, your cheeks heating with something far less pleasurable and more akin to shame. Why couldn’t you remember to keep your thoughts to yourself?

Azriel’s touches slowed, but they didn’t leave entirely, only growing more tender. “Yes,” you admitted, “but not often.”

“Why?” he asked, pressing a gentle kiss to your jaw, a reassuring tether to this moment. 

“I feel silly,” you whispered, avoiding his eyes. “Naive. Foolish. Even if I am the only one that knows—I can’t get out of my head and it never—” He rolled his thumb over your nipple again as he licked at your neck, making you gasp. “—it never felt the way I wanted.”

Azriel hummed. “We’ll have to change that.”

The words reignited the fire that had started to dim inside you, and you pulled his face back up to yours so you could properly kiss him. “How do you feel right now?” he breathed out.

His mouth fell back down to your chest, licking and sucking and kissing in all the right ways. “Good,” you gasped. “So good.”

You could feel his grin against you, the cocky arrogance he and his brothers shared seeping through. You expected a teasing comment, but instead he said, “We can do better than good.”

“Please,” you begged, the thought slipping out unintentionally. It made Azriel laugh softly.

“We’re going to try something else,” he murmured. “It’s going to make you feel good—better than good.” He grinned. “Okay?”

You nodded absently, hips starting to rut against him as your body searched for a release it desperately needed. His hands fell to your hips, stopping your motions, and bringing your awareness back to him with a wave of embarrassment. “We’re going to try something new,” he said again, his eyes still flooded with hot lust, but also something tender softening the edges of his desire. “And you’re going to stop me if you don’t like it, okay?”

“Okay,” you whispered, an unexpected excitement flooding through you. 

Azriel smiled softly, squeezing your hips, “Okay.”

He then lifted your hips easily, dragging your body so that you straddled his thigh, the hard contact against your core making you gasp. “Azriel—”

“It’s okay,” he hummed, his palms rubbing up your back. He kissed you again, his lips against yours distracting you from the change. He pinched your nipple, and you gasped at the bite of pleasure, your hips involuntarily rocking against the muscle wedged  between you. The friction against your clit made you cry out, causing you to slump forward against his chest as you did it again, chasing the newfound pleasure.

“Fuck,” you bit out, the ineloquent curse prompting Azriel to roll your nipples again. Your underwear caught on your center, the fabric soaked from your desire that you were certain he could smell. You rocked your hips again, desperate for the pleasure he was giving you—that he was letting you take. You were in control of this, and gods you wanted it.

Pleasure coiled tight in your abdomen, a rubber band stretched taut. His lips continued pressing kisses up and down every inch of your skin, his hands kneading and tugging at your breasts, but you wanted him to help you. You wanted him to guide you further toward your release, so you grabbed his wrists, dragging his hands down to your hips, and his eyes flared with heat. “Help me,” you whimpered, desperate.

Azriel only hesitated a second, and then he was dragging your hips across his thigh, your wetness spreading across his leathers with every pass. The friction against your core, the pressure against your clit, made you tremble with need and desire and overwhelming pleasure. Your mate was giving you this. Your mate was seeing you like this. No one but your mate would ever see you like this, and it made you feral. Your arms looped around his neck, your hand brushing against the membrane of his wing, and he sucked in a sharp breath that made you falter slightly. “That felt good?” you asked, voice high and ragged from your own pleasure.

Azriel nodded, his jaw clenching as you brushed your fingers over the membrane more deliberately. He was still rocking your hips against his leg, but his breaths were coming out in shaky pants as he let you explore an intimate part of him. Would it be the same for you?

Azriel’s wide and feral eyes met yours, and you swallowed hard, balancing on a glorious precipice. “Do you want me to touch yours?” he rasped.

You moaned as your clit rolled over his thigh, your arms going limp as you leaned into his chest. “Yes,” you panted.

Azriel’s touch was gentle, slowly dragging his finger over one of your wings, and an entirely new wave of pleasure made your head feel fuzzy. He was the only one that you had ever let touch your wings. Only him. Only your mate. His fingers traced the ridge of your wing, unlocking a new rush of euphoria inside you. He leaned forward, clutching your body close to his as you rutted against him, and his tongue pressed against the inside of your wing, dragging up the soft and sensitive membrane in a way that left you seeing stars.

“Azriel,” you moaned, gripping his shoulders tight. “Baby—”

A moan escaped from Azriel as the name unintentionally fell from your lips. His forehead fell to your shoulder, and he left wet kisses all along your skin. His hands went back to gripping your hips, adding a little more pressure, a little more speed to your movements. You felt like you might explode from the ecstasy coursing through you, and you needed your release.

The two of you grew frantic, your breaths coming out in uneven pants with whimpering moans falling from your lips. You chased your release alongside his movements desperately, your motions growing jerky and shaky as you finally reached that peak. You shook as you came crashing down, clutching to Azriel for dear life, and you thought he might be trembling too. 

He helped you through it, pressing soft kisses to your lips and slowing your hips as the aftershocks rolled through you, and you slowly came down from the high. His hands traced gentle patterns on your back as you buried your face in his neck, breathing hard as your heart pounded. 

The fabric of his shirt against your cheek made you pause, your breath catching in your throat. You went still as cold awareness slowly started to creep back in, and the fog of your desire lifted. Azriel was still completely clothed, and you were sitting on his lap with only a pitiful scrap of fabric covering you, and you had just humped him like a dog. Shame and embarrassment curdled in your gut, and Azriel’s ministrations stop.

“Sweetheart,” he said gently. You didn’t move. You were frozen in place, not wanting to face him but also desperately wanting to cover yourself up, to remove yourself from his body and the mess beneath you—the mess you made on him. “Sweetheart,” he said again, his voice strained. “Take a breath for me.”

You did as he said, sucking in the warm air that smelled like you and him twined together. “Good,” he murmured, rubbing your back again. You took another breath, and then another, slowly pushing away the panic that had started to creep in. You were still embarrassed, though.

Azriel reached for your discarded shirt beside you, gently guiding you up to pull it over your head, being mindful of your wings. He brushed your hair behind your ears, his gaze soft and worried and a little awestruck. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. You blushed from the compliment, bowing your head slightly, before he coaxed it back up. “I mean it,” he said, eyes begging you to listen to him. “I’m so blessed to have you. My beautiful mate, inside and out.” He ran a hand over the back of your head, then pressed a kiss to your temple.

“What about you?” you murmured.

His thumb brushed over your jaw, and you leaned into his hand. “What about me?” he asked softly.

“You didn’t—I mean—I just took, and you didn’t get anything—”

“You think I didn’t enjoy that?” he cut you off, a low growl creeping into his voice. His hands dropped to your hips, squeezing once. He laughed, almost sheepish, and his own cheeks tinted pink. “Baby,” he said softly, “I came in my fucking pants.”

Your breath caught, and you instinctively glanced down at his lap, a noticeable bulge still straining against the leathers hiding him from you. Your eyes met his again, and he looked almost shy, almost embarrassed that he did that—that he’s admitting that to you—and it made your heart clench. “Because of me?” you whispered.

“Yes,” he murmured, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips. “You have no idea what you do to me. There isn’t anything you could say or do that wouldn’t make me want you. In every way. In any way you’ll give me. Just holding your hand sends my heart racing because it’s you.”

You toyed with the collar of his shirt, pulling gently at the soft fabric. “I feel that way about you,” you admitted. “I thought I was crazy.”

“You’re not crazy, baby.” He brushed away a tear that had escaped without you realizing. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting. And you can always ask me for anything. Anything you want, and it’s yours. Even if you aren’t sure about what it is you want, just talk to me, please. We’ll figure it out together.” He rocked your hips gently against his thigh, your core still so sensitive that it made you shudder. “You might not have known how to ask for this, but we made it there together, right? And you liked it?”

You nodded, your forehead falling to his shoulder, exhaustion weighing you down as your pleasure and momentary panic faded. “Yeah,” you murmured, “I liked it.”

“Good,” he said softly. “I did too.”

That made you preen a little, your heart glowing in your chest. You doubted this was anything compared to what other mated couples typically did together, but it was still something new, and you were so glad Azriel enjoyed exploring it with you.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” he asked. Since you moved into the House of Wind, it had been rare that the two of you spent a night alone. Somehow, some way, you always ended up tangled around each other, basking in the comfort of each other’s arms.

“Of course you can,” you said quietly, stealing his words.

Azriel chuckled and pressed a kiss to your forehead. You loved how much he kissed you—how he never seemed to be able to stop, like he needed his lips on your skin all the time. “I just need to clean up,” he mumbled, and you reluctantly climbed off his lap, knowing it meant that soon he would climb into bed with you.

He stood up from the bed, and a pair of boxers materialized in front of him, but he barely batted an eye. You, on the other hand, were still getting used to the House. Azriel moved toward your dresser, pulling out a clean pair of your own underwear, and then moved back to where you laid on the bed. “Here,” he murmured, handing you the cotton fabric. It was ridiculous that the gesture made you blush after everything you just did. Azriel smiled softly, and he leaned down to press another kiss to your lips. “You are my everything,” he whispered, and you felt like you were floating all over again, and you never wanted to come down.

~ ~ ~

taglist for bound by fear: @slytherin-pen @bellefleurs @crookedcrusadestranger @breathingstarlight @weepingw1dows @coolepowersthings @antisocial-architect @bbontenswhhore @crimsonandwhiteprincess @myvoiddreams @shinyghosteclipse @be-your-coffee-pot @lisaxx01 @dreaming-starlet @alimarie1105 @bruxa0007 @mich0731 @just-some-teenagerr-blog1 @triangleshapewinner @blonde-bansheee @velarisnightsky444 @writtenbypavani @audiaantonette @chaidove @ohemgeewhat @autumnwitch626 @greenmandm @ilovegrishaverse @barnesispunk @topaz125 @shinyghosteclipse @blueeclipsepaperstudent @fuckingsimp4azriel @ariaaira @tiffany-xx

[azziebaddy]

Drunk on You

Azriel x Reader

summary: You and Azriel were just friends. Then came the dancing. The kiss. The night you stopped pretending. word count: 11.1k content: [ explicit sexual content (piv), oral sex (f receiving), grinding in da club (do i need to warn abt that??), explicit language, alcohol, VERY irresponsible consumption of alcohol, vomiting from drinking, FUI (flying under the influence) ] author's note: FUI arent i so funny lmfao as per usual with these, i know prythian doesnt have speakers/subwoofers , and prob also doesnt have strobe lights, but i write what i want so its ok yall can deal ✦ . 1k Celebration Apothecary . ✦ shadowed elixir infused with a dash of blaze enhanced with lover’s knot stirred thank you @wildfloweroutlaw for the request!! i've never written a fic specifically having friends to lovers in mind so my mental block gave me a bit of trouble with this but i had a lot of fun writing it! <3

Velaris hums with life around you, the midday sun painting golden ribbons across cobblestone streets. The air is thick with the scent of spiced cider and honeyed pastries, threaded through with the briny whisper of the Sidra. Laughter swells and fades between vendors calling out their wares—bolts of silk that shimmer like liquid light, books with gilded spines that promise adventures, trinkets that glint like they’ve been kissed by starlight.

“It’s the pacing that makes it brilliant,” you say, sidestepping a wobbly cart stacked with jars of something dark and suspiciously jiggly. “You’d love it if you gave it a chance.”

Azriel walks beside you, hands tucked into the pockets of his dark-wash jeans, his only accompanying shadow slinking along sun-warmed stones like it’s sulking. He’s a strange silhouette in the golden light—too dark for a day like this, like the night followed you out of habit. But he listens, quiet and steady, nodding at the right moments as you ramble about the last book you read. You’ve learned to hear the shape of his silences—how they stretch or shorten, the weight of them, what they hold back.

“I’m telling you,” you press, dodging a knot of children weaving through the crowd, “if you actually gave it a shot, you’d love it.”

Azriel huffs a soft laugh. “You say that every time.”

“Because it’s true every time. You’re just too stubborn to admit I have impeccable taste.”

The corner of his mouth lifts—barely. “You bought a book last month because the cover had a dragon making out with a sword.”

You gasp, scandalized. “That’s called intuition.”

“No. That’s called a gamble.”

You bump your elbow against his arm, grinning when he exhales through his nose. That small, hard-won sound. This—this is easy. Has always been.

As the crowd thickens, your attention snags on a jewelry stall to your left—slim chains catching the sun, gemstones winking in their delicate settings. At the same moment, Azriel’s gaze strays to a weapons vendor on the right, where a gleaming dagger is being turned over in calloused hands.

You both hesitate. Then look back at each other at the same time.

Azriel raises a brow.

You smile. “Meet you in a minute?”

He dips his chin in a slight nod, already angling toward the stall, fingers twitching like they’re itching for the weight of the blade. You drift toward the jewelry, drawn in by instinct more than intent. Your fingers trail over thin rings and polished charms, the glint of metal catching the light just right.

A pair of dangling earrings stops you—stones that shift hue in the sun, subtle and soft. Pretty. Eye-catching without being too much. The kind of thing that might go with the dress you picked up earlier while wandering the boutiques, half-killing time before the market. The one you hadn’t planned on trying, but slipped into just for fun. A little more daring than your usual. Soft in all the right ways, with a neckline you kept pretending not to think about. 

You’d stared at yourself longer than you meant to.

And walked out with your first shopping bag of the day.

You curl your fingers around the earrings, already halfway through justifying the purchase in your head.

It doesn’t take long to browse. After paying and a few lingering looks, you glance across the street to find Azriel still at the weapons stall, turning the dagger over in his hands. His expression is unreadable—calm, analytical, like he’s weighing something only he understands. The single shadow drifts across his back, restless beneath the unrelenting sun.

Your gaze finds him without thought. A habit carved over time. Familiar, even after everything, in that quiet, unconscious way habits become part of you. 

You blink and turn away just as he looks up. He’s already moving, steps unhurried, wings tucked in close, hands slipping into his pockets again as he falls into stride beside you.

“Anything good?” you ask lightly.

Azriel shrugs. “Steel’s folded differently—strong but light. Good balance. Sharp edge.” He huffs at himself. “It’s a good blade.”

You roll your eyes. “Careful—Truthteller’s going to get jealous.”

His mouth twitches. “There’s no one like her,” he murmurs, and his hand brushes the small of your back as he steers you out of the path of two shrieking children.

He nods toward the bag in your hand. “Let’s see it.”

You fish out the black velvet box and flip it open with a grin. “For the dress!”

Azriel snorts. “You mean that napkin you bought earlier?”

You snap the box shut a little too forcefully. “It’s a nice dress.”

“It’s barely a scarf.”

“Azriel.”

The full name earns you another twitch of a smile. His voice lowers, amused. “I still don’t know where you plan on wearing it. I’ve seen you more hesitant to leave the House in sweaters.”

Your cheeks warm. “Well, I didn’t feel as confident in those.”

His brow rises slightly, like he hadn’t expected that answer. Your voice is lighter when you add, “Maybe you’re just nervous you won’t be able to handle seeing me in it.”

“I’ll manage,” Azriel says dryly. “It’s your delusion I’m worried about.”

You bump his shoulder again, and this time he lets the smile break free. The two of you fall into easy conversation—Cassian’s most recent baking disaster (“explosive,” Azriel says without inflection), café gossip, a gentle debate about whether Velaris even needed the twelfth coffee shop to begin with.

At the townhouse, Azriel steps ahead to hold the door open, shadow trailing in behind him. The antechamber hums with warmth—laughter echoing from the next room, spices lingering in the air.

“I’m telling you, I found it just sitting there,” Cassian insists as you enter. He’s pacing like he’s testifying in court, hands gesturing wildly. “Brand new bottle of amber whiskey. Uncorked. Untouched. In a bush.”

“In a bush?” Mor deadpans from the couch.

Cassian gestures wildly. “In a bush! Behind the stables! What are the odds?”

Mor narrows her eyes. “Any chance you’re feeling lucky enough to gamble?”

They lock eyes, Cassian’s grin curling at the edges.

Feyre perks up from her place on the sofa. “If gambling means Rita’s, I’m in. I haven’t gone out in weeks, and I plan to be very irresponsible tonight.”

All three turn to you with matching looks—expectant and conspiratorial, like they’ve already know your answer but want to hear you say it. Feyre’s smile is the worst of them—sweet and smug and knowing.

You glance at Azriel. He’s already sighing, two fingers pinching the bridge of his nose like he can feel the impending headache.

“Guess we know when—”

“Yeah, alright,” Azriel mutters.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

You lean in toward the mirror, smoothing a final sweep of gloss over your lips. Then you take a step back, letting your eyes rake over your reflection. Hair styled just how you like it—precise where it matters, undone where it doesn’t—and your makeup? Soft, glowing, and just sharp enough to slice. The kind that shines when the light catches your cheekbones and mouth.

Behind you, Feyre whistles low. “He’s going to eat his words.”

Mor, sprawled on the bed in a pose that screams practiced indifference, smirks. “And probably choke on them.”

You snort, reaching for the earrings you bought earlier. “It’s not for him.”

Feyre slides up beside you, linking her arm through yours as she catches your eye in the mirror. “Maybe not. But you wouldn’t mind if he looked.”

She’s not wrong.

Mor rises in a stretch, her plum dress catching every sliver of light as it hugs her curves like a secret. The hem’s scandalous, the neckline worse—and with her golden hair cascading over one bare shoulder, she looks like she could topple empires with a single breath. Feyre’s in a slate blue that borders on silver, cool-toned and backless, the color making her blue eyes even more piercing beneath  artfully smudged liner. And with her soft waves pinned just so, she looks like smoke made woman.

You fasten your earrings with a quiet click and smile at your reflection. You feel good. Confident. Not just in the dress, but in your skin. 

There was a time when what you felt for him lived quietly in your chest—soft, persistent, and patient. Over time, it faded into something else. Something easier. You let it go long before anyone knew you were holding on.

But it never disappeared completely. Not really. Not in a way that matters. Not in a way that would stop you, if he ever hinted at wanting something more.  

Downstairs, the low murmur of male voices curls up the staircase from the sitting room. That deep, familiar hum threaded with laughter. It’s comfortable and easy. The kind of sound born from long nights, drinks shared, and old stories retold—brothers teasing one another into comfort. 

Cassian’s laugh is unmistakable—loud and unrestrained over the clink of glass. Rhysand’s is more of a drawl, lazy and pleased with itself. And then there’s Azriel. Low, steady. A quiet current that runs beneath them all, silk wrapped around steel.

The sound of heels on the stairs draws their attention—Cassian’s first. He whistles, low and appreciative, as Mor appears at the top step, her dress catching the light with every step. Rhysand gives an exaggerated bow from where he’s perched on the arm of the couch. Even Azriel lets his gaze linger, just a touch longer than polite, before returning it to his drink.

Then comes Feyre, laughing at whatever wicked comment Mor whispered over her shoulder. Rhysand is off the couch and moving before she’s even halfway down, reaching for her hand like gravity’s got nothing on the pull she has on him. He murmurs something low against her ear as he takes her hand, earning an eye roll and a muttered warning that sounds suspiciously like a threat. He grins like a male entirely too pleased with himself.

And then—

You. 

The last to appear. Not intentionally, of course. But you’d be lying if you said the timing didn’t work in your favor. 

There’s a pause—just a breath—but enough. Enough to feel it.

Cassian is the first to recover. “Damn,” he says, voice a little rougher than before.

Mor beams, smug and delighted, as if she’s taking personal credit. Rhys gives a low hum of approval, already spinning something cocky to say—but whatever it is goes unheard.

Because Azriel’s gaze is already there, fixed on the landing, like he’d been watching the space just waiting for you to step into it. And when you do, he doesn’t look away. 

His stare lands heavy—enough to steal the air from your lungs. 

You wait for the usual—some sharp, clipped remark, maybe a too-smooth deflection. But instead—

“...Huh.”

That’s it.

A single, unimpressed syllable that cuts through the air like a blade dipped in ice.

You blink. Huh?

He doesn’t elaborate. Just turns back toward Cassian, nodding at his shirt—half unbuttoned, chest on shameless display as if confidence could count as tailoring. “Bold of you to challenge her like that. One of you’s going to end up hypothermic.”

Cassian grins like he’s been handed a gift. “At least I’m not stuffed into those jeans you’re trying to pass off as comfortable. One wrong move and we’ll be calling a healer.”

Azriel’s lips twitch, barely. He doesn’t rise to the bait. Just takes a slow sip of his drink.

Your eyes drop of their own accord. Those jeans are unforgivable. So is the way they fit him.

You force your gaze away, descending the final step with all the poise you can muster.

Cassian, with a mischievous grin, offers his arm like it’s second nature. “Guess we’ll be whores together tonight.”

You loop your arm through his with a grin that could make the Mother herself blush. “Fine. But I’m the classier whore. More expensive.”

He barks a laugh, delighted. “High-class whore. Got it.”

“That’s the spirit,” Mor teases, stealing the rest of Rhys’ drink without a shred of remorse (he mutters a tight ‘Hey’ through clenched teeth, swatting at his cousin as she ducks away).

Feyre checks the time with mock exasperation. “Stay any longer and we’ll miss half the night.”

“Then let’s go,” Mor cheers, grabbing you and Cassian like a female on a mission.

And then—chaos. Magic coils, wind rushes, the floor disappears beneath your feet.

A heartbeat later, you’re outside, blinking against the lights and noise of Rita’s.

Your stomach flips—like it always does. It never gets easier.

Music pulses from the open doors, thick in the night air, and faelights paint the pavement in deep gold and violet. Mor’s fingers slip from your wrist; she’s already halfway to the entrance, weaving through the crowd like it’s parting for her. 

The cool night clings to your skin, but the heat radiating from the club ahead makes it all feel alive, electric with possibility. The air is saturated with cologne, alcohol, and the faintest hint of smoke as you approach the bouncers. The low hum of the waiting crowd blends with the deeper thrum of bass that threatens to crack open the night. 

The moment you step inside, the atmosphere hits—thick and heavy with energy. The music is deafening, the bass a living thing that thrums through your chest, infecting your limbs with a restless kind of excitement. Faelights strobe in wild streaks—purple, blue, red—and for a second, it feels as though you’re in some kind of dream. 

Feyre pulls you into the crowd first, her grin wide and wicked as she leads the way toward the bar. Mor follows close behind, laughing, already calling out to familiar faces. The guys trail after—quieter, maybe, but impossible to miss in the way they cut through the crowd. 

Drinks are ordered. Jokes fly. Within minutes, your group claims a half-circle booth just off the dance floor. It doesn’t take long for the music to pull you all in. Cassian downs half his drink and drags Mor out first, the two of them already moving like they’ve danced together a thousand times—and they probably have. Feyre loops her arm around your waist, eyes glinting beneath the lights. “Come on,” she yells over the music.

You don’t need convincing.

Rhys just waves you off with a smirk, already settling into the booth like he plans to stay there all night. 

The next stretch of time blurs—song bleeding into song, breathless laughter and clinking glasses, the bass settling into your chest like a second heartbeat. The lights cast everything in hues of violet and electric blue, cutting shadows across flushed skin and gleaming teeth. You’re dancing with Feyre, the two of you falling into easy rhythm. Mor and Cassian egg each other on nearby, reckless and unbothered, like children left unsupervised. 

At one point, Mor grabs your hand and twirls you fast enough to make your head spin. You stumble into her, both of you breathless with laughter, alcohol making everything weightless.

Feyre slips between you and Mor, twirling with abandon, her hair catching the light like strands of liquid gold. Off to the side, you spot Cassian mid-charm offensive, working a pair of females with that lethal grin—the kind that guarantees more than they can handle. Judging by their reaction, it’s going well. Rhys lounges nearby, nursing his drink and watching Feyre with a crooked grin, content to let her shine. 

But a few beats later Feyre drifts away from you both, drawn by something only she and Rhys can hear. Across the floor, Azriel leans against a column in the shadows, arms crossed, the picture of cool disinterest. You throw him an exaggerated beckoning gesture—all wide eyes and mouthed dramatics. Mor mirrors you, adding a pout for effect. 

He doesn’t move, just shakes his head, unimpressed. 

You and Mor exchange a look—then stick your tongues out at him, childish and triumphant. 

You think you catch the ghost of a smile. 

Then Cassian appears beside him, clapping a hand on Azriel’s shoulder, mischief written all over his face. “Her friend’s cute,” he shouts over the music. “Be a good wingman.”

To your surprise, Az lets it happen. 

As he moves past, his arm brushes against yours—barely a touch, but enough to feel. He angles toward the other female—tall, elegant, with dark eyes and a laugh that rings above the music. She’s beautiful in a way that turns heads. 

Still, some stubborn part of you insists she’s not that pretty. Not compared to you. 

The thought surfaces unbidden—and you shut it down just as fast. Jealousy doesn’t suit you. And this? This isn’t that. 

To anyone watching, Azriel looks engaged. His smile is easy, even bordering on smug, and he leans in like he means it. But you know better. That’s your best friend. You see the signs: the tension in his shoulders, the way his eyes skim past her, too fast and too often.

Which is probably why you keep catching him glancing your way. 

Or maybe you’re reading too much into it. Maybe it’s the alcohol, the lighting, the way this dress hugs your curves like a second skin. Still… you’d swear his gaze lingered. And not just on your face. 

The music shifts—louder, dirtier, the kind that grabs your spine and doesn’t let go. Mor’s gone to get drinks, and for the first time tonight, you’re alone. But with the alcohol warm in your veins, you don’t mind. You let the beat carry you, movements fluid and loose, like your body already knows the song by heart. The crowd thickens, lights blur, and everything becomes a haze of motion and heat. The tempo rises. You drift closer to the center, caught in the music, untethered. 

Then, during a rare lull between songs, you glance back toward the booth—

And spot Feyre in Rhys’ lap, flushed and breathless. Her hair sticks to her forehead as she lifts a tiny glass with exaggerated flair. Rhysand just raises an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed, as she tries to coax him into a shot. 

He refuses. She pouts. Then she steals his beer instead, chugging it right there in his lap. He fumbles for the glass, shouting something you can’t hear. But she just twists away, triumphant, dodging him until the glass is empty. With a dramatic gasp, she slams it on the table and struts off—slightly wobbly—leaving Rhys with nothing but the small shot of dark liquor.

You laugh—can’t help it. 

But the sight of Azriel freezes your grin halfway between amusement and something more. Because he’s still talking to the female—who, from what you can tell, is more than happy to let him steer the conversation. But even as his words flow smoothly to her, his eyes are locked on you—piercing and intense, like he can’t look away, even if he’s supposed to be. 

And that gaze… it cuts straight through you.

Warmth blooms low in your belly. Not from the alcohol. Not entirely. You hold his gaze, and the rest of the room fades. The music, the lights, the crowd—they’re distant noise now. Because though the space between you is still wide, it feels like a wire pulled taut, vibrating with something that isn’t the music. 

Maybe it’s the buzz. Maybe it’s the bass still pounding in your chest. Maybe it’s the fact that his gaze is still on you. 

The music shifts again, and your body follows without a thought. You let the music guide you, every slow roll of your hips deliberate, every look daring him to match you. You aren’t sure why you’re dancing for him (because it is for him, isn’t it?), or why your eyes haven’t left his once, but the rush is intoxicating. 

His expression doesn’t change. Not at first. But then something flickers in his eyes—brief and unreadable.

For a heartbeat, you wonder if maybe you’ve imagined it all. 

But then he claps a hand on Cassian’s shoulder, leans in to say something. He nods once at the female—goodbyes, maybe? You can’t be sure. 

And then Azriel steps through the crowd. He doesn’t rush. He doesn’t smile. He just starts toward you, weaving through the crowd with that unhurried, measured stride you know by heart. 

He doesn’t say a word. 

He doesn’t have to. 

When he stops in front of you, the music swells again—and this time, it feels like it’s for you. Drunk enough not to overthink it, you don’t hesitate—you just reach for him, pulling him into your orbit. 

And just like that, you fall into step with him. 

Effortless. Unspoken. Like your bodies had been waiting for this moment—like they remembered each other from another lifetime. There’s no need for words, not when the music does all the talking. Not when the bass pulses through your spine and Azriel’s warmth curls in your blood like smoke.

His hands settle low on your hips—too low, maybe—and the contact short-circuits something in you. Through the thin fabric of your dress, his palms burn. You swear his grip tightens as you move, subtle but unmistakable, like he’s testing how far he can go. Like he’s memorizing the shape of you.

You move in tandem, one body split in two. Every step aligned. Every breath shared. The sway of your hips becomes a silent conversation, and even as the crowd surges around you, none of it touches you. All you feel is the slow drag of his hand, the brush of his chest when he leans in too close. All you hear is the rasp of his breath in your ear.

Somewhere in the haze, you wonder where Mor is with your drink. You hope—fervently—she’s seen you like this and decided to give you space. You don’t want to be saved.

Then Azriel catches your hand. Twines his fingers through yours. Wordless, he spins you out, guiding you around him with a kind of reverence that feels like worship. The fabric of your dress strains, hugging every curve as you spin. His palm stays anchored to your waist, steady and possessive. And when you slip behind him, your gaze catches—hungry—on the curve of his ass in those sinfully tight jeans. The stretch of cotton over his back. The muscles shifting under his shirt like a promise.

By the time you return to face him, breathless and hot-faced, he’s already watching you. And he knows. Cauldron, he knows.

His hair sticks to his forehead, dark strands damp from the press of bodies, the heat. His collar’s still loose, open just enough to hint at skin, at the strong line of his throat. A silver chain catches the light where it rests against his collarbone, the cobalt glint of his siphon nestled low—one of the simpler siphon pieces you’ve seen him wear, reserved for nights like this when the full set would only get in the way. 

And then there are his eyes.

Not friendly. Not protective. Nothing safe. They’re molten—dark and slow and unapologetic as they trace the length of you. They leave scorch marks in their wake. And when you meet that gaze, something primal shifts inside you. Something ancient and aching.

He pulls you in, flush against him, his hands spanning your back, scarred fingers grazing bare skin. The contact is searing. Your breath falters.

Still, you manage to play it cool—or try to. “What’s wrong, Az? You’re staring.” It’s meant to be teasing. Light. But it comes out quieter than you intended. Softer. As if even your voice can’t help giving you away.

His breath stutters. Just enough. “Don’t tease me right now.” His voice is low and rough, his eyes now dark enough to drown in. “It’s not the dress.”

And then—then—his thigh slots between yours and he drags you close enough to steal your balance. The dance shifts—slower now, hungrier. There’s something dangerous uncoiling between you.

The pressure of his thigh is subtle, maddening. The friction sets a slow-burning ache deep inside you, and without thinking, you move. Just enough to chase it. Just enough to make yourself feel something. He notices. Of course he does. His fingers press firmer at your back, holding you there, and you wonder—ache to know—if he feels it too. This tension. This current humming under your skin, magnetic and irrevocable.

Your hips move in time with his, a rhythm that no longer has anything to do with the music. You brush against him, again and again, and each pass stokes the fire curling low in your belly. His hand steadies at the small of your back—firm, coaxing, guiding the rhythm of your hips until you’re moving in time with him. Until you’re grinding slow and sure against the solid line of his thigh. He watches every flicker of reaction like it’s a secret he’s been aching to unearth. 

His shadows brush your skin—light as breath, bold as fingertips. They slip under the hem of your dress, past the dip of your neckline, exploring, learning, teasing. It’s not enough to satisfy, but it’s enough to tempt. To make you dizzy. 

Your breath stutters, and for a moment, his gaze dips to your mouth. 

You barely manage a smile. “Still not about the dress?” you murmur, your voice low, throat dry. 

Azriel’s eyes flicker—then settle on you like a storm about to break. “Not even a little.”

And when his nose grazes yours, it isn’t a kiss. But it could be. It’s the moment right before—the breath, the space, the choice. A thread pulled taut, ready to snap.

You don’t know who moves first. Maybe it’s him. Maybe it’s you. But the song changes, the spell snaps, and suddenly the room exists again. Someone bumps into Azriel from behind, and his hand drops to your ass to steady you. A reflex. But it brands.

You both laugh, too breathless, too wired, too aware of what just almost happened. And his hand is still on your ass. 

You need a second—a buffer, a breath of air before you do something you can’t undo.

“I need a drink,” you murmur, voice hoarse.

His hands linger but eventually fall away. Slow. Reluctant.

You glance up at him, give him a look you hope says this isn’t over, and slip through the crowd toward the bar.

The bartender slides a drink your way before you can even remember ordering one. You catch it on instinct, fingers curling around the chilled glass just as the condensation begins to bead. It slicks your grip slightly, grounding you in the present—the weight of the glass, the sting of alcohol, the echo of Azriel’s touch still humming beneath your skin.

You barely have time to take a sip before an arm braces beside yours on the counter—long, inked, and annoyingly familiar. Then the rest of Rhysand follows—tall, rakish, and far too smug for someone clearly on the brink of losing his balance.

“Well, well, well,” he drawls, voice syrupy and just loose enough at the edges to toe the line between charming and concerning. “If it isn’t our little heartbreaker.”

You blink at him over the rim of your glass, your mouth still parted mid-sip. “How drunk are you?”

“Moderate,” he says, with the blind confidence of a man absolutely not moderate. Then, solemnly: “I think I just tried to winnow to the moon. Cass said no.”

A laugh bursts out of you, sharp and surprised, catching you off guard. “You were supposed to be the responsible one tonight.”

Rhys makes a sweeping gesture with one hand that nearly sends a nearby cocktail crashing to the floor. “Fuck responsible. Do you know how hard it is to stay sober when everyone around you is glowing and half-delirious? Mor and Feyre have been spinning like drunk ballerinas for the last twenty minutes. Cassian challenged a table of strangers to an arm-wrestle for ‘honor and glory.’ And Azriel—”

He cuts off, lips twitching. That grin, slow and sly, curls like smoke.

You narrow your eyes. “Don’t.”

“I didn’t say anything,” he sing-songs, turning away to steal a sip from someone else’s drink before grimacing and abandoning it.

Gods, you’ve never seen him like this. Loose. Unfiltered. Unbothered by image or control. You make a mental note to corner Cassian and Azriel as soon as possible, if only to demand every humiliating story they’ve ever collected on him.

“You were going to say something,” you groan, watching him closely.

Rhys gives you a beatific smile that practically screams I’m lying. “Me? Never.”

You take another slow sip of your drink, trying—failing—to will the heat from your cheeks. But Rhys, of course, is infuriatingly perceptive. Even through a haze of liquor, he clocks you immediately.

“Oh no,” he breathes, voice gone delighted and a little too loud. “Oh no, it’s happening.”

You arch a brow. “What is?”

“You’re falling in love with my shadowsinger.”

The words land like a match dropped in dry grass.

You choke, spluttering into your drink. “I’m not—”

“Sure, sure,” he says, cutting you off with a patronizing pat to your arm. “And neither is he. You two are just dry-humping in the dark, panting like—like you’re seconds away from devouring each other. All very normal friend behavior, I’m sure.”

You groan and let your head fall forward, forehead thunking against the bar top. The cool wood offers no relief from the mortification burning behind your eyes.

“Go away.”

Rhys props his chin on his palm, utterly content. “Can’t. Too drunk to move.”

You turn your head just enough to peer at him, face still pressed to the bar. “Do I need to find Feyre?”

His expression shifts to something like panic. “Please… do not.”

“Right.” You sigh, dragging a hand down your face and letting it rest there. “You’re impossible.”

Rhys smiles lazily, lashes low and smug. “And you’re glowing. All flushed and starry-eyed. It’s disgusting.”

You flip him off without looking.

That’s when the night starts to blur. 

At some point, you find yourself curled under Cassian’s arm, both of you howling over a story he refuses to finish because he keeps laughing too hard. He smells like sweat and cologne and a bad idea—not that you haven’t entertained the thought once or twice. When you reach for your drink, he snatches it just out of reach with a devilish grin. 

“You’ve had enough,” he slurs—then immediately downs his own.

You wait until he’s distracted, then snatch your drink back and down it in one go. 

Across the room, Mor is spinning Azriel in a slow, ridiculous waltz to music that’s far too fast. Her head is thrown back in laughter, one heel discarded, and Azriel���s grinning wide and unrestrained as she twirls herself dramatically beneath his arm. One of his shadows retrieves her fallen shoe and dutifully returns it. He pretends not to notice. 

Rhys, for some reason, decides the whole place needs another round—again. He’s at the bar holding up fingers in rapid succession—four, five, seven—gesturing to absolutely no one. When the bartender ignores him, he levitates a bottle of amber liquor off the shelf with a flourish and begins personally pouring shots into the mouths of nearby patrons like some deranged, drunken Father Solstice.

Cassian finds Azriel in the crowd and immediately throws an arm around his neck, dragging him close with a sloppy grin. “My brother,” he declares, far too loud, smacking a kiss to Azriel’s temple before pulling him into a one-armed hug that rattles both of them. “Do you know—do you know—how much I love you?”

Azriel just blinks. “Unfortunately.”

“Shut up,” Cassian slurs, already halfway into his next declaration. “You’re the best of us. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Except me. Sometimes. But even then—”

“I’m going to kill you,” Azriel says—quiet and deadly. But he doesn’t move to escape. If anything, he leans into it. 

Later, you, Feyre, and Mor vanish into the bathroom, which starts as a mission of necessity and ends in chaos. The line’s too long. The floor’s sticky. You all start yelling about how no one cleans the stalls in this place. And somehow, ten minutes later, Mor’s knees are on the tile while you and Feyre crouch beside her, holding her hair back and cackling as she curses Rhysand’s name for “making” her take that last glowing green shot.

“You’ll live,” Feyre says, patting her back with the resigned affection of someone who’s done this before. 

“Probably,” you add.

Eventually, the three of you stagger back to the booth—giggling, disheveled, makeup slightly smeared but still beautiful. Because drunk girls in packs always are. 

You collapse into the cushions, and for a moment, everything just is—a tangle of warm limbs, laughter, glitter. Cassian’s still trying to tell a story no one can follow. Azriel is methodically peeling an orange he must’ve stolen from the bar. Mor keeps interrupting to dramatically rehash her brush with death on the bathroom floor.

Somewhere between the fourth retelling and a new round of drinks, Feyre bumps into your side, giggling as she climbs— climbs—into Rhysand’s lap. 

“Oh my gods,” she breathes, burying her face into his neck. “You smell like night and sin and trouble.”

Rhys hums, stroking a hand up her thigh. “And you, darling, are my favorite sort of trouble.”

You try to ignore it. You really do. And, for a few minutes, you’re fine. But then Feyre whispers, “I swear to the Cauldron, if you keep touching me like that I will drag you into the shadows and make you beg to—”

“No,” you say sharply, holding up a hand. “Absolutely not. You cannot do this in the communal booth.”

Rhysand and Feyre both blink at you. Slowly. Like they’re just now realizing the rest of you exist.

“Oh,” Feyre says, blinking again. “I said that… out loud?”

Cassian groans and drops his head to the table. “Yes. You did.”

“We all heard it,” Mor says, looking personally offended. 

Rhys looks vaguely affronted. “We were talking through the bond—”

“You weren’t,” you, Cassian, and Mor all say at once. 

Azriel only sighs and catches your eye, mouthing, Every damn time.

And then—

Too much light. Too much warmth. Music in your bones. Glitter on your cheeks. Someone grabs your hand and drags you back to the dance floor. You don’t know who. Doesn’t matter. You let the rhythm carry you, laughter bubbling up like it’s been trapped for months. 

Azriel finds you in the chaos. Quiet. Solid. He takes your hand, spins you once—lazy, sweet—then pulls you close with that look. Like the world is loud but you are not. 

And then—

The night slips.

You and Mor, arms around each other, cheeks dusted with shimmer.

Cassian balances a shotglass between the clawed tips of his wings—a feat that’s nothing short of impressive—while Azriel leans in to drink from it for the fourth time and misses. Again. 

Rhys stumbling through a dance with Feyre, refusing to let go of her hand even as he trips.

Azriel laughing, loud and bright, shirt drenched in spilled liquor and clinging to him like a second skin. 

It’s beautiful, in the messy, ephemeral way nights like this always are. 

And when it ends—when the cold air bites and your heels dangle from your fingers—you’re walking beside him.

Azriel. Silent and steady.

Side by side. Arms brushing.

Still friends. 

Still not in love. 

Definitely not. 

Probably. 

… Maybe.

The others are a few paces ahead, their laughter echoing down the cobbled street, mingling with the night’s quiet. You’d all chosen to walk back to the townhouse instead of winnowing—mostly to spare More another tragic bathroom incident.

You glance at Azriel, his profile softened by the pale glow of distant streetlights, the sharp edges of him mellowed by the dim light. He’s quieter now, more anchored, like the buzz is finally starting to bleed out of him too.

For a fleeting moment, your eyes meet, and something shifts, an unspoken weight hanging in the air between you. It’s not just the silence—it’s everything that comes with it. He looks away first, but the tension doesn’t dissipate. It lingers, thick and undeniable.

“So,” you say, your voice light, but there’s a brittleness beneath it, a crack in the calm. “You get this fucked up before?”

He lets out a low chuckle, the sound familiar and warm, but with something in it that feels like the night itself. “Should’ve seen us three while we were training. You wouldn’t have recognized us.”

“Did you have fun tonight?”

Azriel smirks, eyes gleaming with something you can’t quite place, a mystery veiled beneath his calm. “I’ll answer that when I’m sober enough to remember half of it.”

A teasing grin tugs at your lips, unspoken but understood.

His gaze shifts toward you then, and the playful edge in his expression softens, ever so briefly. It’s a shift so subtle, it feels as though the air around you changes. His steps slow, just enough to bring him closer—his presence, steady and grounding, a quiet comfort against the coolness of the night.

And then, before you can fully comprehend it, his hand is at your back again—a subtle, possessive touch, just above your waist. It’s not new, this gesture. He’s done it before, but tonight, it feels different.

“You okay?” His voice is soft, low—barely above the city’s hum, but it cuts through everything else.

You swallow, suddenly aware of the weight behind the question, the way it settles in your chest. You nod, forcing a smile, though it feels less like a smile and more like a fragile shield. You meet his gaze through your lashes.

“I’m drunk,” you admit, a small giggle escaping, but the sound feels a little too light for the heaviness in the air.

Azriel huffs a soft laugh, warm breath brushing against your skin. “Yeah, I figured.”

The silence that follows is comfortable, in a way—a strange sort of peace between the two of you. The laughter and raucous chatter of your group fades further ahead, their voices lost in the night, leaving only the faint echo of their noise behind. Here, between you and Azriel, there’s nothing but quiet. His hand still rests at your back, the lightest touch, but you can feel it—every brush of his fingers against the fabric of your dress, like an unspoken promise.

You glance over at him, a playful glint dancing in your eyes. “Answer my question though. Did you have fun tonight? I know you don’t like coming out much.”

Azriel doesn’t look at you. His gaze remains fixed on the path ahead, his lips curving into the faintest smile. “Fun?” he mutters, his voice light but carrying an edge. “If I’d known the night would end with me trying to drink out of Cassian’s wings, I might’ve stayed in.”

You laugh softly, the sound laced with warmth. “Oh, but you looked like you were having a blast.”

“I was,” he admits, voice lower now, quieter.

His words hang in the air, settling between you, filling the space with something deeper, something more. You glance at him again, and this time, his gaze finds yours. Dark, steady, unwavering.

And in that moment, everything feels charged, like the next move is inevitable.

You stop walking.

Azriel doesn’t pull his hand from your waist. Instead he swings around, turning to face you with an abruptness that feels almost instinctive, like the idea of letting go wasn’t even an option. Like keeping his hand on you mattered more than keeping his feet on the ground. Now, he stands before you, close enough that the heat of his body bleeds into yours, the cool night air thick with the warmth of his breath mingling with yours. 

For a moment, there’s nothing—just the two of you, suspended in the quiet, the distance between you and your family growing with each passing second.

It’s like a pulse, something deep within both of you that knows this is the moment, one that’s been silently building, lingering, biding its time.

You feel it in the way his eyes lock onto yours, how his body shifts ever so slightly—so close now you could reach up, could touch him, but you don’t move. 

Then, as if it was always meant to happen, his hand slides from your back, cupping the side of your face gently. His thumb brushes across your cheek, soft and tender, a quiet, unspoken question hanging between you.

Before you can stop yourself, you lean in first. Your lips find his—soft, uncertain at first, like you’re both holding your breath. But the second they meet, it’s like something clicks into place. Like every unsaid thing between you is finally, finally speaking.

But then it deepens, the kiss turning more urgent, the gentle press of lips becoming something more, something full of warmth and heat. The taste of alcohol lingers, but underneath that is the familiar, the comforting—years of friendship tangled into something new, something wild. The world shifts, or maybe it’s just the two of you, with everything else fading away.

Azriel’s hands slip into your hair, finding the nape of your neck, the curve of your shoulder, pulling you closer. And the kiss is no longer just soft; it’s a quiet intensity, like something between you both has been building for far longer than either of you realized.

When you part, it’s only just enough to breathe, just enough to meet his gaze. Your lips feel swollen, your heart racing in your chest. But all you can think about is how desperately you want more. Not just his mouth, but all of him—his body, his touch. The press of him, hot and solid against you. The drag of his hand down your spine, the way his fingers splayed across your waist like he never wanted to let go. You want him closer. You want him everywhere. His hand between your legs. You want—

You blink, the haze slowly clearing.

As you lean past him, you finally take in the world around you again. The rest of the group is a fair distance ahead now, moving in a disjointed knot—Cassian with his arm slung lazily around Mor, Feyre pulling Rhys by the wrist as he slurs something half-laughing.

“Guys,” you call, breathless, voice a little hoarse, “we’re going to the… to the House of—” But you realize, mid-sentence, that no one is listening.

“Forget it,” Azriel mutters, and without warning, he grabs your hand.

He tugs you right, pulling you away from the main walkway and down a narrow side street, dimly lit by the soft glow of faelights overhead. You follow without hesitation, heart racing, your legs moving before your mind can fully catch up. The sounds of the city—music drifting from an open window, the distant clang of something dropped—feel muffled now, like they belong to someone else.

All you know is the heat of his hand in yours, the excitement blooming in your chest as a grin spreads across your face. And then, you’re running.

Laughing, breathless, borderline euphoric as your feet hit the cobblestone in time with his. His fingers are laced with yours, and he doesn’t let go—not once—not even when you nearly trip on a loose stone and bark out a curse through your grin. He just squeezes your hand tighter and keeps going. 

The wind rushes past, sweeping your hair into your face, and still you run, streetlights flickering overhead like stars caught in motion. You glance at him once, just once, and gods, it knocks the breath clean out of you.

He looks good. Stupidly good. His wings are tucked in tight behind him, shadows trailing in his wake like they can't quite keep up. There’s a flush high on his cheeks from the alcohol or the running—or maybe the kiss—and his smile. His smile is rare and wild and real, splitting his face in a way that makes something in your chest twist. His eyes find yours, dark and bright all at once, and the way he looks at you feels like falling without ever hitting the ground.

You’ve known him for years. Fought beside him, argued with him, trusted him more than you’ve trusted most. You’ve always thought he was beautiful in that silent, devastating kind of way. The kind of beautiful that hurts if you look too long. But this is new. Or maybe not new at all—maybe it’s just undeniable now. 

He slows only once the path narrows again, steps easing to a walk, his hand still firm in yours. You're panting, your heart racing in your chest like it’s trying to tell you something urgent, something important.

Azriel glances at you, still grinning. “Want a shortcut?”

You eye him, arching a brow. “A shortcut, or are you about to throw me over your shoulder?”

He shrugs, unbothered. “I could throw you over my shoulder.”

You snort. “You’re drunk.”

His smile deepens. “Tipsy.”

You tilt your head. “Drunk, and you think you’re in any shape to fly us home?”

He smirks, swaying slightly. “I could.”

You blink at him. “Could you even land us properly?”

He pauses—just for a beat—then looks at you with a glint in his eye that’s half mischief, half something far more dangerous. “I’m so fucking glad you didn’t know me growing up.”

Before you can ask what the hell that means, he sweeps forward. One arm wraps around your waist, the other slides behind your knees, and suddenly you’re airborne—held tight against his chest like it’s the easiest thing in the world. You gasp, grabbing onto his shoulders without a second thought.

“Azriel—”

But he’s already launching into the air, wings snapping wide, the wind catching beneath them as the city drops away below.

You press your face into the side of his neck, your laughter half-dazed, half-horrified. “You’re actually insane.”

He hums, voice a little smug. “Maybe. But you’re the one who kissed me.”

And gods help you, you’re already wondering when you can do it again.

Maybe he feels it—senses it—because before you can even finish the thought, he adjusts his grip just enough to shift you higher against him. Your arms loop instinctively around his neck, noses brushing, breath mingling. The wind whips past, cold and biting, but you don’t feel it.

You only feel him.

Then his mouth is on yours.

It’s nothing like that first kiss—nothing tentative or hesitant about it. It’s needy, open-mouthed, all tongue and teeth and breathless hunger. 

You moan into him—can’t help it. The sound is swallowed by the sky, lost to the night. But he hears it. You know he does. His grip tightens like he needs you closer, like there’s not a single inch of air he’s willing to spare between you. His shadows are stirring again, curling around you like they want in on the taste.

Your fingers tangle in his hair as your teeth graze his bottom lip, and he growls—deep and low and barely restrained.

“Azriel—” you gasp against his mouth. He huffs a laugh, sharp and wicked.

“Careful,” he murmurs, lips trailing hot over your jaw. “I might miss the landing on purpose.” 

You barely manage a breath. “We need to land,” you murmur, though it sounds more like a curse than a request. “Now.”

He lets out a sound that’s half-groan, half-laugh, and the next moment, he angles downward.

The house appears below in a blur, the lights from the windows streaking past as he descends fast and sharp. The landing is rougher than usual—feet hitting the balcony hard, wings flaring wide to catch the worst of it—but neither of you care. Not when his mouth crashes back onto yours the second you touch solid ground.

He walks you backward through the open doors, his hands already skimming beneath your dress—rough and hungry, like he can’t decide where he wants to touch you first. The fabric slips higher with every step, until it's bunched around your waist and you’re moaning into his mouth, your fingers gripping the front of his shirt like you might tear it clean off.

Instead, you reach behind him, fumbling at the slats that hold it together around his wings. The second you get the first one undone, he groans into your mouth, kissing you harder. His hands slip down your back, eager and sure, grasping for the zipper of your dress. 

You undo the next, and the next—moving fast, clumsy with urgency. By the time the last one comes loose, he’s all but panting against your jaw.

“Off,” you whisper, and he shrugs out of the shirt with a sound that’s damn near a growl.

He lifts you again like you weigh nothing, kissing you through the hall like he’s starving—stumbling a little, both of you half-drunk on each other and the leftover buzz of the night. His shirt falls somewhere by the wall, your heels were long since discarded on the veranda, and your dress slips off your shoulders as you reach the stairs, falling in a silky heap at your feet. You barely register the path, only the heat of his mouth on your throat, the scrape of his teeth at your collarbone, the low, broken noises he keeps making like he needs this—needs you.

The bedroom door slams shut behind you, and then you’re falling back onto the bed, and he’s following you down.

The mattress gives beneath your weight, cool sheets against your back—his body a furnace as it presses to yours, bracing on his forearms. 

His lips find yours again, slower now, but no less desperate. Like he’s trying to memorize the shape of your mouth, the way you taste, the way you sigh into every kiss like it’s the only one you’ll ever need.

His hand cups your jaw, thumb stroking gently over your cheekbone as he leans in deeper, tongue sliding against yours in a rhythm that feels far too practiced for two people who’ve never done this before. But you have, haven’t you? In glances. In moments stolen in shadows. In the soft touches that used to mean nothing—until they meant everything.

You arch into him when his hand skims down your side, across your ribs, ghosting the curve of your waist like he’s still not sure you’re real. Like he can’t believe this is happening.

“Fuck,” he mutters into your mouth, breath catching. “You’re so—”

He doesn’t finish. Doesn’t need to.

You feel it in the way he lowers his head and wraps his lips around your nipple, warm and wet and slow. Your back arches off the bed, a gasp escaping you as he laps his tongue over the sensitive bud, sucking just hard enough to make your thighs clench around his hips.

You dig your fingers into his hair, letting your head fall back, eyes fluttering shut as his hands roam—one cupping your other breast, the other smoothing down the length of your thigh. He shifts, nudging your legs apart with his knee, sliding between them like he belongs there.

And gods, he does.

You open your eyes just enough to look at him—his dark hair falling into his face, his mouth wet and red from kissing you. He’s never looked more beautiful. Or more wrecked.

“Az,” you whisper, breathless, stroking your thumb across his cheekbone.

He lifts his head. Meets your gaze.

The look in his eyes nearly undoes you—like he’s never seen you before, not like this. Like something old has cracked open between you and there’s no going back.

“I’ve wanted this,” he says, voice low and raw. “Longer than I ever let myself admit.”

You don’t reply. Because his hands shake as they trail down your body, slipping under the waistband of your underwear. You barely have time to catch your breath before his fingers tug at the fabric, dragging it down your hips and past your thighs.

“Cauldron, you’re so beautiful,” he breathes, the words thick with desire, as he works your underwear off your legs. His eyes trace the path of his hands like he’s memorizing every inch of you. “It took everything in me not to stare when you came down those stairs,” he says, voice rough. “You looked like you’d strung up the fucking stars just to watch them burn.”

Your heart gives a traitorous flutter. He was looking. He did care. And knowing that makes something inside you ache. 

You spread your legs for him, a silent invitation. His gaze flicks back up to yours, hungry and wide, a dark promise in his eyes. But it’s not just hunger in those eyes—there’s something deeper, more tender, that makes your heart stutter in your chest.

He shifts, dropping to his stomach, his wings spread out behind him like a dark, protective shield. You gasp as his lips brush the inside of your thigh, the heat of his breath against your skin making you shiver. He’s barely touched you, but your body is already aching, already craving more.

Azriel hums as he presses his mouth against the soft skin of your inner thigh, the sound a low vibration that runs straight through you. “You smell so fucking good,” he murmurs, his hands gripping your thighs as he settles between them.

He can’t wait any longer.

His lips finally brush your folds, and you can’t help the needy whimper that escapes you. His mouth is hot—so hot, and as soon as his tongue flicks against you, your back arches off the bed, hands flying to his hair. He groans, low and satisfied, and the sound makes your chest tighten with need.

Azriel loves this—loves the taste of you, the way you tremble under his touch. It’s like he’s starving, and your pussy is the only thing that will ever fill him. He’s quick to bury his face deeper, his tongue lapping at your clit with the precision of someone who’s done this a thousand times, each movement a studied perfection. You feel him groan into you, his entire body trembling, like he can’t get enough.

And then, he starts grinding.

You feel the slow, desperate rut of his hips against the mattress—like he needs the friction, like it hurts not to be inside you. His cock throbs against the fabric of his underwear, and still, he doesn’t stop. He moans into your cunt, a low, broken whine of a sound, his mouth locked to you like you’re the only thing tethering him to reality. 

You reach for his hair, tugging him closer, hips moving of their own accord as you grind up into his face. He moans louder this time, his hands pressing down on your hips to hold you still just long enough for him to really feel you.

“Fuck,” he gasps, pulling away just long enough to breathe, “you’re so fucking sweet. Can’t get enough.”

“Then don’t stop,” you manage to say, your voice barely a whisper. “Please, Az—just—”

You don’t need to finish. He’s already back, his mouth pressing against you again like a man starved, devouring you with everything he’s got. Every flick of his tongue against your clit, every deep stroke, sends shockwaves of pleasure through you, building you up higher and higher until you can’t think of anything else but him—his tongue, his mouth, his need.

He’s lost in you, his hips still grinding desperately into the mattress as he eats you out like it’s the last meal he’ll ever have. You grip his hair tighter, pulling him even closer, rocking your hips against his face, each thrust of his tongue like a promise.

And when you finally let go—when you shatter, your body arching against his mouth and your vision going white—he doesn’t stop. He keeps going, keeps licking and sucking until you’re trembling, until you’ve been pushed past every point of endurance.

He pulls away slowly, his face glistening with you, and his dark eyes are glowing—feral, hungry. His lips curl into a satisfied grin, like he just won the most important battle of his life.

“Fucking perfect,” he mutters, voice thick, and then he crawls back up your body, kissing you deeply, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. 

You can feel his chest press against yours, his heartbeat racing as fast as yours. He pulls away, and for a moment, you just look at each other—eyes locked, the world outside forgotten.

He brushes his nose against yours, a soft, lingering touch, and then lowers his forehead to yours. “You okay?” His voice is rough, still full of desire, but there’s a softness to it now, a care that makes your chest tighten.

You nod, breathless, a shaky laugh escaping your lips. “More than okay.”

His lips curl into a smile, and he presses a soft kiss to your lips, the kind of kiss that feels like a promise. You reach for him, your hands shaking just a little as you trail your fingers over the muscles of his chest, feeling the thrum of his heartbeat under your fingertips. His eyes close as your hands move lower, tracing the defined lines of his stomach. You want to memorize him—want to feel him, every part of him.

As your fingers brush against the waistband of his underwear, your breath catches in your throat. The tension in the air thickens, and for a moment, you hesitate, fingers trembling just above the fabric. His body is taut beneath your touch, but his eyes remain locked on yours—expectant, but still tender.

You pull them down slowly, the fabric sliding off his hips, revealing him fully for the first time. Your gaze flicks downward.

And gods, he's big.

You blink, your heart racing as you take in the sight. The soft glow of the room highlights the sharp, defined lines of his body, but it's him, his cock, that makes your breath hitch. Thick and hard, standing at attention, the tip flushed with need, and for a moment, all you can do is stare, wide-eyed and speechless.

Your stomach does this strange flip, a mix of awe and anticipation. You’ve seen his body before—shirtless, after sparring, sweaty from training—but this... this is something else.

It’s nothing like you imagined. It’s bigger than you thought, intimidating in a way that makes your cheeks flush.

The heat between your legs flares, but it's not just lust—it’s the overwhelming realization of how much he desires you. The connection. The intimacy. This is your best friend, exposed in a way you’ve never seen before. It’s more than you expected. Bigger, thicker than you thought—intimidating and... a little overwhelming.

A warmth starts to bloom in your chest, spreading down to the pit of your stomach. It’s not just lust, though there’s plenty of that. It’s a sort of quiet shock that makes your whole body feel electrified, like you’re standing on the edge of something you weren’t sure you’d ever have the courage to leap into.

You swallow hard, your heart pounding in your chest as you finally look up at him. He looks nervous—his gaze flicking down, then back up again, like he’s unsure how you’ll react. “I can handle it, Az.”

He doesn’t answer at first, just watches you with those dark, stormy eyes, searching for something in yours. His breath is shallow, his chest rising and falling beneath you.

“Are you sure?” His voice is thick, strained. The weight of his hesitation settles between you. You nod, pressing your hands to his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your fingertips.

“I’m sure,” you breathe out. “I want this. I want you. Please.”

A shudder runs through him at your words, but he doesn’t move to rush it. Instead, he leans down, placing a soft kiss to your lips, his hand gently cradling your face as he deepens the kiss, his tongue coaxing and tender. He pulls back, his eyes searching yours again.

“I’ll never rush you, okay? Anything—you let me know,” he says, his voice low and filled with such sincerity that it makes your chest tighten. He slowly begins to ease himself between your legs, the tip of his cock nudging against you.

It’s everything you imagined and more—every inch of him solid and warm, the weight of him just right as he finally pushes into you. The stretch is slow, controlled, and you wince slightly at the initial burn, but it fades quickly as he inches in deeper, his hands gentle on your hips. He pauses once he's fully seated inside, both of you panting, your body adjusting to the sensation.

Azriel’s breath is ragged as he pulls back slightly, then presses in again—slow, deliberate, giving you time to adjust. “Fuck, you feel so good, (y/n),” he groans, his voice thick with desire.

You feel him everywhere, his every movement slow and deliberate, the depth of his tenderness filling you in ways you never expected. But as the heat builds in your belly, a need rises in you too—a need for him to give in, to let go, to stop holding back.

“I need more, Az,” you whisper. “Please.”

His eyes lock onto yours, a mixture of conflict and desire flickering across his features. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he says, his voice rough, but you can see the way his hands grip the bed, his muscles straining as he tries to hold back.

You reach up, hands sliding to the back of his neck, pulling him closer to kiss him again, more urgently this time. “I said I’m sure,” you whisper against his lips, fingers brushing the edge of his wing.

And that’s all it takes. He straightens suddenly, hands sliding down to grip your waist as he begins to move, his thrusts steady and sure. He’s still gentle, his rhythm slow but building in intensity with every movement. His eyes never leave yours, and in them, you see the same fierce desire mirrored back at you, mixed with something deeper—something softer.

Each stroke is powerful as he drives into you with growing urgency. You moan, fingers digging into his biceps, your body arching to meet every snap of his hips. 

“Azriel,” you gasp, your nails scraping down his back as the pleasure begins to build inside you.

“I’ve got you,” he murmurs against your skin, his voice a breathless growl as he thrusts harder, the force of him filling you completely. “Always got you.”

The heat builds fast, that deep, aching tension curling tighter with every thrust, stoking the fire within you. His hands find your hips, fingers curling hard into the flesh—gripping you like he’s claiming you, like he can’t bear to let go—as he pulls you onto him again and again. He angles his movements just right, drinking in every sound you make and relishing each one more than the last. 

His movements are still slow, deliberate, but there's a hunger there now—something primal in the way he grips you, the way he pulls you closer, urging you to take more of him.

“Please,” you whisper, your hands sliding up to tangle in his hair, desperate for more, for him to push you over the edge.

Azriel responds with a low, hungry groan, his thrusts becoming a little quicker, a little harder. He can feel the way your body trembles beneath him, the way you react to him. He loves it, loves knowing that he’s the one who’s breaking through all the walls, all the restraint you both held before.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he growls, his voice rough with need, words spilling out in a rush as he braces himself over you. His forearms cage you in, hands on either side of your face, cradling your jaw, holding you there like you’re the only thing in the world worth seeing. He thrusts deeper, pushing you further into the mattress, and the room seems to spin. Your world narrows to just the two of you, your bodies moving in perfect sync.

Your breath hitches as you feel yourself tightening around him, your body winding up with a force that threatens to snap. You can’t stop the moan that escapes you, the pleasure building inside you, getting closer, almost overwhelming.

“Az, I’m—” you choke out, unable to finish the sentence as the pressure inside you becomes almost unbearable.

“Let go, baby,” he says, low and raspy, urging you on. “Let me feel you.”

You never thought you’d hear him like this, hoarse and hungry and just a little wrecked, and fuck, it’s the hottest thing you’ve heard in your life.

And then, it happens—the release hits you like a wave, washing over you, taking over every part of you. You cry out his name, your body trembling as your nails scrape down his back once more.

Azriel groans your name, the sound raw and desperate, and as your body contracts around him, his thrusts falter for a moment before he loses himself too, the intensity of the moment taking him to the edge.

He buries himself deep with a guttural moan—low and wrecked, like the sound’s been punched out of him—his breath hitching, hips stuttering as he spills into you, body trembling with the force of it. “Fuck,” he gasps. “Fuck, fuck—”

You’re both still breathing hard when he suddenly stills, pulling back just enough to look at you. His eyes are wide. 

“Shit,” he pants. “I didn’t even ask—are you on the tonic? I’m so sorry, I just—fuck I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t mean to—”

You laugh, breathless. “Az, I am. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

He exhales shakily. “Okay. Good. Fuck, good… Just—yeah. Okay.”

For a moment, all there is is the sound of your breathing, the feel of him against you, and the pulse of your hearts racing together. You both just stare at each other for a moment, trying to catch your breath, the weight of everything hanging between you in the most beautiful, unspoken way.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly, still hovering over you, his chest rising and falling in rapid succession.

You nod, your fingers gently tracing his jawline. “More than okay,” you whisper, your voice still breathless, a contented smile tugging at your lips.

Azriel presses a kiss to your forehead and slips out, easing onto the bed and tugging you with him until your head rests on his chest, your body draped over his. One arm wraps around your waist, and his wings wrap around you both like a blanket. 

You lie there in silence, skin sticky with sweat, limbs tangled, breath slowly evening out. You’d deal with everything in the morning—whatever this was now, whatever it meant. You’d figure out what to say to Mor, to Cassian, to Feyre and Rhysand. But for now, you just press your face into Azriel’s chest and let yourself rest, wrapped in him, wrapped in this.

[azziebaddy]

Smutty acotar foursomes with thd bat boys, that's it like really SMUTTY ones, the filthiest you have

Pushed To The Brink

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *

Pairing(s): Rhysand x Cassian x Azriel x reader

Warnings: SMUT, 4-some, 18+, mdni

Summary: The understood arrangement you shared with your three closest friends is pushed during a night out at Rita's -- and you discover things you didn't know you were capable of before.

SR’s Note: Hi guysss I really tried with this one, and I was excited for some ACOTAR content among all the Fourth Wing works I've been putting out lately -- lol I hope you love it! You guys have been requesting HARD lately (which I am so appreciative of) and I swear I am working on them all, however I work full time and have family / friends / a life outside of my writing, haha. I love and appreciate you all, please just be patient with me while I take your requests seriously! <3

Tags: @mellowmusings @rcarbo1 @lilah-asteria @kitsunetori @velarisdusk @nctsawrus @lreadsstuff (inbox me or comment if you'd like to be added!)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *

"Don't tease us, Y/N -- you know how we love to play."

You drew in a long breath as you continued to slowly pull your skirt down your legs. You could feel all three of their eyes on you. Watching. Waiting.

Good -- and now your top.

Rhysand's voice was in your head now, and you rose to stand once more before the men. Clad in only heels, a bralette and undies, you smirked as you watched their pants tighten.

You did as you were told, your fingers curling beneath the fabric of the lacy bralette and drawing it up over your head. You heard Cassian's pleased sigh, and the unzip of his pants as you tossed the garment aside, aiming for it to land just before Azriel's feet. He stared at you intensely, his muscled arms folded over his chest in faux-unamusement. You winked at him, then turning your attention back to Cassian, and your mouth dried at the sight.

Working in the Inner Circle for years at this point, this was nothing new -- these kinky males loved having their way with you, and honestly, you enjoyed the fun. They'd become your closest friends, of course -- however, nothing quite prepared you for the sheer size of them when the time to play came around once more.

Your heels clicked against the familiar marble flooring that Rita's had to offer as you strode over to him, grinning like a cat. His lazy smile broadened as you approached, and bent before him. Your lips halted a near inch from him as you contemplated the best course of action; Cassian was by far the easiest to break of the trio, but Rhys and Azriel were much harder. Time to pull out the big guns.

"Rhysand," you purred, maintaining eye contact with the male before you. "What would please you most in this moment, High Lord?"

The leather rustled as he shifted uncomfortably next to you, breathing in harshly through his nose. Victory flodded your veins as he responded in a strained tone, working to keep his calm.

"Watching you sit on his lap."

You grinned, drawing back from Cassian in favor of sitting atop his lap. His hand left his erection in favor of resting on your hip, the other one bracing the opposing side. His smile fell when you swung your knee over his lap, both of your knees pressing into the red leather below his legs. His eyes found yours as you lowered your ass onto him, finally allowing his hard cock to brush against your lace panties.

"Oh... God," he sighed, angling your hips to move slowly along his length. You grinned at the feeling, playing it up by grinding your clothed pussy over his lap. His fingers flexed on your hips, and he pushed you onto him harder.

"Cass," you groaned. "Feels so good, yes," you sighed, tossing your head back. Your hair tickled your lower back as your eyes closed, blocking out the deep red lighting in Rita's private room. His hips bucked below you and he grunted, causing you to gasp at the feeling.

"Get on that fucking bed." Rhys growled, clearly having enough of your antics with his brother. Your eyes opened, and you glanced to him, watching as he pushed off the comfy chair to stride toward the bed. You giggled, leaning in to kiss Cassian's cheek before climbing off of him. He shot you a lazy smile back, and his brows rose when you took his hand to lead him to the bed with you.

"C'mon, babe -- I'm sure Rhys won't mind if you join."

Rhys's eyes darkened as you sensually climbed onto the mattress before him, making sure to gaze up at him as you drew closer to him. His bottom lip drew between his teeth as he unzipped his own pants, lowering them enough to draw out his massive cock.

"Sweetheart, I was counting on it."

You giggled as you sat back on your heels, your hands bracing the mattress behind you. Rhys's left hand wrapped around his dick, the other reaching to cup your jaw.

"Now, be a good girl and lie down for me."

You of course, obliged. Lying on your back before him, you watched in anticipation as he leaned closer, his dark eyes boring into yours. He tapped the head of his cock on your core twice, and you shivered at the sensation. He smirked, only glancing to Cassian briefly before leaning over you.

Open that mouth, sweetheart -- then, open those knees.

You opened wide, sticking your tongue out flat as Cassian appeared above your head. Rhys's hands pried your legs open, baring your quivering pussy to him as he drew in a shaky breath. Before you could focus on him and what was to come, Cassian was pushing his cock into your mouth.

Gagging, your eyes widened at the stretch -- his cock was big in a way that it stretched your mouth when he fucked it, filling every inch of space inside. His wings flared behind him as he let out a groan, pushing his cock deeper down your throat.

"Fuck yes... ohhhhh fuck yes," he groaned, and Rhys chuckled darkly. You were unable to look down at him, but when the anticipated stretch finally came, all you felt was relief that it had.

His dick sunk deep into your pussy, slowly stretching you as Cassian's thrusts continued into your mouth. You continually gagged on him, spit gathering near the corners of your lips as Rhys drew back -- only to push into your awaiting cunt once more.

"Such a pretty pussy, sweets," Rhys drawled, his fingers gripping the backs of your knees as he pushed them up toward your chest. You choked around Cassian's cock at the new angle, the head of Rhys's member reaching a depth you hadn't felt in a while.

Cassian panted harder as he continued rhythmically fucking your throat, and his wings flared wider and wider. You could feel from the twitching of his dick that he was close to cumming, and you prided yourself on how quickly you could get these males to break for you.

"You're gonna swallow my cum? Yeah?" He teased from above, his voice coming out in breathy pants. Rhys has began to speed up, fucking into you with fervor. You groaned as your eyes slowly shut, and you hollowed your cheeks around Cassian's cock. He sucked in a sharp breath through clenched teeth, and the twitching turned into full on throbbing as he shot copius amounts of hot cum down your throat. Your throat was raw as you worked to swallow it all, trying your best to get it all down.

Rhys grunted below you as he continued fucking you, watching as his brother yanked his cock from your mouth. He watched as your eyes fluttered open and you came back from whhatever trance he'd had you in. Cassian chuckled, opting to sit near the head of the bed as Rhys's thrusts slowed.

"Such a good girl," Rhys praised, pulling his cock from you slowly. Your head shot up at the loss of contact, and he grinned darkly at you. "But, are you good enough to get Az to come play with you?"

Your eyes gazed sidelong to the shadowsinger, who hadn't so much as moved since the escapades started. His hair was disheveled, as though he'd run his hands through it a few times. The tent in his pants had also grown since you'd entertained him last.

Rhys moved to sit behind you, turning you to sit just on the edge of the bed. Your feet pressed against the edge of the mattress, knees bent and cunt wide open and bared to the brooding brother before you.

"Now, show him what he's missing."

You gulped, knowing exactly what he meant. His warm hands pulled you to lean back against his chest, and when you did, his fingers delicately trailed along your jawline. Your right hand snaked down your abdomen toward your core, searching for the vibrating bundle of nerves there. Your toes curled when you found it, your fingers drawing small circles over the nub. Your lips parted as Rhys's thumb trailed over your lower lip, the other hand finding purchase in cupping your left breast.

"Good girl -- go faster, baby."

Cassian's words drew a breathy sigh through your lips, and your eyes slid closed as you did as you were told. Your lower belly was alight with pleasure as you continued rubbing your clit. A small yelp sounded when Rhys pinched your nipple between his fingers, and your eyes opened once more.

"Good, good -- tell him what you want, sweetie."

Your gaze focused on Azriel, who's expression went from unamused to tortured in a matter of minutes. He stared darkly at you when your eyes met his, still ignoring the pressure in his jeans.

"Oh God... yes," you moaned. Your fingers rubbed fast across your clit, the pressure mounting. "Oh my... Gods, yes! Az please, I need-"

In an instant, the Shadowsinger was on his feet and flanking the bedside, his hands yanking yours from your clit. You gasped as he dove right in, his tongue licking a fat stripe through your folds. He never broke eye contact, his tongue continuing to assault your dripping pussy.

"Oh-! Az, I-"

"Is this what you wanted?" He growled, drawing back for only a moment. "You wanted me to eat you out like the little slut you are?"

Your core clenched at his words, and when you didn't answer, Rhys pinched your nipple again. You cried out, and his mouth barely grazed your ear as he spoke again.

"Answer him, sweetheart."

"Yes! Yes, Az, I- OH-" You gasped when both of his hands wrapped around the tops of your thighs, pressing your messy cunt right up against his mouth. He continued licking, and sucking, and absolutely eating up your clit, not even faltering when you began to shake.

"Fuck, Az... Azzie, I'm-"

He drew back, standing in an instant as he drug the back of his hand across his lips. Your slick coated his skin, and he glared darkly at you.

"You won't cum until you're on my cock," he demanded, and Rhys let go of you. Azriel flipped you over, pushing you onto all fours as he stood behind you, quickly yanking off his pants. You turned to look, only glimpsing the largest cock you'd ever seen before he was fisting your hair, leaning forward to speak into your ear.

"You'll do well to take what I give you," he growled, his fingers wrapping around his length and tapping it roughly against your ass. You nodded, and he pulled your hair tighter. Not what he wanted.

"Y-yes, daddy," you whimpered, knowing the pet name always got him going. He chuckled in approval, letting your hair go and your head rest comfortably again. Your eyes refocused on the males in front of you, lazily fisting their cocks at the sight of you. Azriel's tip pressed against your hole, and he breathed deeply as he pushed in. Your brows knit at the feeling of him stretching you, and fast.

"Oh.. Azzie, yes-"

He yanked his cock free, only to slam back in to the hilt.

You screamed as you were instantly stretched, and his growl of pleasure reverberated behind you. Your mouth fell open as he fucked his cock into you, rough. Hard. Fast.

"Yes! Yes!" You chanted, and his open palm slapped your ass roughly.

"You like that? Huh? Like getting fucked like a little whore?"

His words had you seeing stars as he pounded into you, and you swore you nearly blacked out with the mix of pain and pleasure all at once. What brougt you back were the two Illyrian's moving before you, their smooth cocks leaking and ready for wound two.

Rhys knelt before you first, his dick positioned just before your lips. Cassian continued fisting his length to the right of his brother, both gazing down at you intensely.

"Let me see your tongue, sweetheart."

You listened, allowing your tongue to lie flat against your chin. Rhys gathered spit in the front of his mouth as Cassian groaned, rubbing his cock faster. You flinched when Rhys spat on your tongue, the drip landing perfectly atop it. He bent lower, his hand gripping your jaw as you were forced to look up at him.

Swallow it.

And so you did, delighting in the way he groaned in pleasure when you did.

In that moment, Azriel pulled his cock from you, his hands moving you once more. He adjusted to sit on the bed, and pulled you onto his lap. You stared down at him as he helped you rest comfortable atop him, and his eyes glinted in the dark red light.

"Bounce on it," he commanded, and you gulped. His hand guided his cock toward your entrance, waiting as you slowly sank down onto it. Your breath caught in your throat as he filled you up inch by inch, all the way until you were seated to the hilt. He helped lift you up, allowing you to fall back onto his lap a moment later. Your arms wound around his neck, your nails digging into the skin between his wings harder and harder with each bounce.

"So... big, Az."

He took the compliment to heart, thrusting his hips to meet your bounces. You moaned in pleasure, reaching a hand out when Rhys scooted toward you once more. Your fingers wrapped around his length, the velvety skin like liquid gold beneath your fingers. He sighed as you started pumping him, his gaze trained on the way your ass clapped against Azriel's hips.

"Such a good girl, baby," Cassian praised, kneeling to Rhys's side in favor of pressing small kisses to your breasts. You shook at the sensation, your nipples hardening as his mouth latched onto one and sucked.

"Ahh.. oh yes, yes-" You gasped, your free hand leaving Azriel in favor of stroking Cassian's wing. He shuddered at the touch, and his teeth nipped at your sensitive bud. His fingers toyed with the other, playing with your bouncing breasts as Azriel continued to pound into you.

"You want to cum, sweetheart?" Rhys asked, his voice an octave lower than usual. You tightened your grip, stroking his cock quicker as his abs tightened before you.

"Y-yes... please-"

"I want to feel you fall apart on me," Az growled, his teeth finding the soft skin of your neck. "Let me feel that perfect pussy squeeze my cock, just how I like."

Your groans became more high pitched as Azriel thrusted harder into you, and your gaze drifted to Rhysand above you. His face was scrunched in concentration as his cock throbbed, his impending release just waiting to explode.

"Oh... my God, Az-!"

Your walls clenched and fluttered around him, squeezing his dick like a vice as he continued fucking you. Rhys came with a low shout, his cum painting your lower lip and chin as he released all over you. Cassian's teeth bit harder on your nipple, drawing out the orgasmic sensation.

"Fuck, fuck, oh FUCK-"

You squeaked as Azriel shot his cum up in you, jerking his cock from your hole a second later. Milky-white cum leaked from your hole, as well as clear liquid that shot straight down your legs and soaked Azriel's lap. His cock jerked below you as he came down from his high, his eyes widening as he fixated on the ever growing puddle between you.

Breathing heavy, his hands moved to your waist, holding you against his chest as you regained control of your body. You heaved as you gulped in air, and Cassian grinned at you. He wiped the semen from your lips with his thumb, leaning in to press a kiss to your lips. You smiled as you felt Rhys's deft fingers stroking your hair, all three working to calm down in the aftermath of what had happened.

Rhys moved from the mattress first, climbing off and taking in the scene beyond what he could originally see. His eyes widened a fraction as he stood before you and Azriel, and intrigued, Cassian followed suit. As he joined his brother at the edge of the mattress, he gasped.

"I didn't know you could squirt?" He said incredulously. He landed a playful smack against your butt, and your head turned to face him once more. Azriel chuckled, leaning in to press an appreciative kiss to your cheek.

"Only for me." He incinuated, and you narrowed your brows at him. He grinned slyly up at you, and Rhys sighed.

"Personally, I'd like to try next."

✧･ﾟ: *✧

[azziebaddy]

Shadowkissed

Azriel x Reader

Summary: Azriel’s shadows have always been an extension of his soul, but none more than the one that refuses to leave your side, even when he’s away. It watches, protects, and lingers in the darkness, whispering promises of the mate who would burn the world to keep you safe.

The first time you noticed it, you had woken in the middle of the night, the dim moonlight casting long, jagged shadows along the walls of your bedroom in the House of Wind. You had reached for Azriel’s side of the bed, only to find it empty and cold. Gone on a mission, as he so often was.

But you weren’t alone.

A whisper of darkness slithered along the edge of the mattress, coiling in the space between you and the emptiness he had left behind. Not touching, not pressing—but there. Watching.

Your breath caught, but not in fear.

Because you knew it. Knew the way it moved, the way it pulsed and trembled like it was breathing. Like it was alive.

Like it belonged to him.

Azriel’s shadow. His favorite one, or so you teased him. And it never left you.

You lifted a hand, letting your fingers brush the air near it. It stilled, almost as if leaning into the phantom touch.

It wasn’t enough.

Azriel was gone. And though he’d promised to return soon, though he had murmured against your lips that he’d be back before you even had the chance to miss him, you had. Gods, you had.

But this shadow…

It stayed. It curled around the bedpost at night, keeping silent vigil over your restless dreams. It hovered at your back in the training ring, tensing whenever Cassian’s strikes got too close, or when another male lingered in your proximity for too long.

It coiled tighter, closer, when you walked through Velaris at night. A soft, slithering promise that if anything, anyone, dared to so much as breathe the wrong way in your direction, they would not live long enough to regret it.

And you had never felt safer.

"You know," Cassian said one evening, perched lazily on the balcony railing, "you might be the first person in history to be shadow-kissed."

You scoffed, tossing a grape at him. "I am not shadow-kissed."

Cassian caught it in his mouth, grinning. "Tell that to the one wrapped around your ankle right now."

You glanced down, and sure enough, a tendril of darkness was coiled there, looping loosely around your skin in a way that felt less like protection and more like possession. Like it needed the contact.

Like it needed you.

Heat licked up your spine.

Cassian smirked, watching the way your expression shifted, how your fingers clenched slightly in the fabric of your dress. He exhaled dramatically, shaking his head. "Gods, he’s so far gone for you, it’s painful to watch."

Your stomach flipped. "He doesn’t even know."

Cassian snorted. "Doesn’t know? You think Azriel doesn’t notice where his shadows go? Pa-lease. That male probably feels every damn movement it makes."

You opened your mouth, ready to argue, but a familiar shift in the wind had your pulse stuttering.

The scent of cedar and cold night air curled around you before you even saw him.

Azriel landed with a predator’s grace, his wings rustling softly as they folded behind him. His gaze, sharp as a blade, golden as molten amber, went straight to you. Then to the shadow coiled at your feet.

Something flickered in his expression.

A quiet storm.

Cassian, ever the instigator, let out a low whistle. "Told you," he muttered, before clapping Azriel on the back and striding inside, leaving the two of you alone beneath the stars.

Silence stretched. Taut. Heavy.

Azriel was still watching. Unmoving.

And then, voice like rough velvet, he murmured, “It won’t leave you alone.”

It wasn’t a question.

You swallowed. "I don’t mind."

His jaw tightened. "It should listen better."

A tremor rolled through the shadow, as if in protest. You glanced at it, then back at him, searching his face for the truth beneath his words. "You told it to stay, didn’t you?"

Azriel’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. He said nothing.

Didn’t need to.

The truth was in the way his hands flexed at his sides, like he was restraining himself. It was in the way his wings tensed, the way his breathing was just a little too controlled.

You took a step forward. His shadow curled tighter around your ankle.

"You knew it was with me," you murmured, "this whole time."

A slow, shallow exhale. "Yes."

Your heart pounded.

"You told it to protect me."

"Yes."

Another step. "Why?"

A muscle in his jaw ticked.

His wings flared just slightly, his control slipping. His shadows twined around his fingers like they, too, were struggling to hold him back.

"You know why," he rasped.

Say it.

The words hung between you, unsaid.

Azriel stared at you like he was already bracing for impact. Like he was preparing for rejection, for the inevitable unraveling of whatever fragile thing had built itself between you.

You reached for him. He stiffened, but didn’t pull away.

Foolish, foolish male.

Your fingers traced the ridges of his scarred knuckles, the calloused tips of fingers that had done unspeakable things. And yet—he trembled beneath your touch like he had never been touched before.

Like you were something sacred.

You lifted his hand. Pressed it to your chest, just above your racing heart. "Say it."

His throat worked around the words. His shadows curled around you like they could say it for him.

But then, barely a whisper, so quiet you almost didn’t hear it—

"You’re mine."

Your breath hitched.

A shuddering exhale left him, his control finally, blessedly breaking. His other hand came up to cup your jaw, tilting your face toward him. His thumb brushed over your cheek, soft. Reverent.

"I will always protect you."

Your lips parted, your hands sliding up the hard planes of his chest, over the rapid thrumming of his own heart.

"You already do," you whispered.

He made a sound, half relief, half something darker, and then his mouth was on yours.

And gods.

It was devastating.

Azriel kissed like a male who had spent centuries wanting and never having. He kissed like he was dying and you were the only thing keeping him tethered to this earth.

His hands mapped the length of your spine, pulling you against him, until there was nothing—nothing—but him. His warmth, his shadows, the soft, quiet tremor of his breath as he whispered your name like a prayer against your lips.

Your fingers tangled in his hair, and he let out a sound that was almost a growl.

"Az," you murmured, tilting your head back, baring your throat to him. An offering.

His lips traced the sensitive skin there, his breath warm, unsteady. "You’re mine," he said again, this time with certainty, with possession. "And I'm yours."

And gods help anyone who ever dared to threaten what was his.

Because Azriel’s shadows had always been an extension of himself. But none more than the one that had never left you. The one that had sworn, just as he had, to keep you safe.

Forever.

Taglist: @willowpains, @masbt1218, @antonia002, @bookishcait, @fuckingsimp4azriel, @fanficscuziranout, @buttermilktea11, @lilah-asteria, @lreadsstuff,  @flintthegoodboyo, @saltedcoffeescotch,  @okaytrashpanda, @mariaxliliana, @kksbookstuff, @marina468, @tele86, @raccoonworld

Want to join my tag list? Drop a comment or check out this link to submit a specific series you would like tagged in! (Or if you just don't want to comment, that's okay too)

[azziebaddy]

Part 7: The Night He Wept

Warning: This chapter contains emotional trauma, grief, and one (1) deeply depressed shadowsinger who is Not Doing Well.

Reader discretion advised for intense emotional moments, ambiguous consent regarding mating bonds, rejection fallout, and scenes of vulnerability that may be triggering for those sensitive to abandonment, entrapment, or quiet men crying silently in the garden.

Azriel is having a time. You might, too.

Please take care of your heart. And maybe keep tissues, and a therapist nearby. 💔🕯

Pairing: Azriel x F!Reader

Genre: angst, romcom, humor, fish out of water reader, canon (ish)

Summary: Murdered after a late-night study session in the modern world, you awaken in Prythian—still yourself, but with Fae features and the infamous title of Beron’s cold-hearted and ruthless daughter.

Then, fate snaps the mating bond into place between you and the shadowsinger, Azriel—who rejects it so fiercely, even the magic recoils.

You died a healer. You woke up a villain. Now fate’s mated you to who wants nothing to do with either—you’ll prove them all wrong, one heartbeat at a time.

Between Two Fires - Masterlist

Winnowing was a strange sensation at the best of times.

The world folding around you, compressing to a single point before expanding again.

But this was wrong.

The darkness stretched too long. Your body felt too light, then impossibly heavy.

The pain in your shoulder flared so violently that a scream tore from your throat, though you couldn't hear it through the roaring in your ears.

When reality finally reassembled itself, you were sprawled on unfamiliar ground, Lucien's arms still around you. Rain pelted your face, mingling with the blood that seemed to be everywhere now.

"Stay with me," Lucien commanded, his voice tight with panic. He shifted you in his arms, his face swimming in and out of focus above you.

The trees overhead blurred into a canopy of indistinct shapes.

Not the Dawn Court.

This was still Autumn territory, though not anywhere you recognized.

"Something went wrong," Lucien muttered, more to himself than to you. "Winnowing wounded... shouldn't have risked it."

You tried to answer, to tell him you were fine, but your mouth filled with a metallic taste.

Blood. Your blood.

"Nerissa's cottage is close," Lucien said, his pace quickening as he carried you through the rain. "Just hold on."

The world tilted sickeningly, darkness encroaching at the edges of your vision. The bond in your chest pulsed weakly, like the fluttering of a bird's wings.

The ash tea still burned through your system, keeping the full force of the bond at bay, but doing something else too. Something worse.

"Lucien," you managed, your voice a thread of sound beneath the rain.

He looked down, his mismatched eyes wild with fear. "Don't talk. Save your strength."

But you needed to say it, needed him to understand. "It's stopping me from healing."

His jaw tightened, a flash of understanding and horror crossing his face. "The ash," he whispered. "It suppresses magic."

Including the magic that might have kept you alive.

The cottage appeared ahead, a small structure nestled among ancient oaks. Smoke curled from its chimney despite the rain, lamplight glowing in the windows. Lucien kicked at the door, not bothering with courtesy.

"Nerissa!" he shouted. "I need help!"

The door swung open to reveal an elderly faerie with skin like autumn leaves and eyes of deep, shifting amber. She took one look at you and stepped back, gesturing them inside.

"Put her on the table," she instructed, already moving to gather supplies.

Lucien laid you down gently. You could feel the blood pooling beneath you, soaking into the rough wood. Too much blood.

Nerissa worked quickly, cutting away your sodden clothing to reveal the arrow wound. It had gone straight through, leaving entry and exit wounds that should have been survivable. But the arrow had been tipped with something. You'd seen it glinting green on the arrowhead before it struck you.

"Poison?" Lucien asked, hovering anxiously.

"Yes." Nerissa's voice was grim. "But that's not the worst of it." Her fingers traced the veins spreading outward from the wound. "What has she taken?"

"Ashwood tea," Lucien admitted. "To dampen a mating bond."

Nerissa's hands stilled. "Foolish girl," she breathed. "The ashwood neutralizes all magic, including healing magic."

"Can you help her?" Lucien's voice cracked on the question.

The healer pressed her palms to your wound, closing her eyes in concentration. You felt a warmth trying to penetrate the cold that had settled into your bones, but it was like water sliding off oiled cloth. Nothing took hold.

"The ash wood is blocking me," Nerissa said, frustration evident in her voice. "I can't reach her system to purge the poison."

"There must be something," Lucien insisted. "Some way to counteract it."

"Perhaps..." Nerissa hesitated, then moved to a chest in the corner of the cottage. She rummaged inside, pulling out a small box inlaid with bone. "This is old magic. Before High Lords, before courts."

Your heartbeat stuttered in your chest, each pulse weaker than the last. The pain was receding now, replaced by a spreading numbness that should have terrified you but instead felt like relief.

"Hurry," Lucien urged, his hands pressed to your wound, trying to staunch the bleeding.

Nerissa returned with something cupped in her gnarled hands. "Blood magic," she said softly. "It works outside the normal channels."

"Whatever it takes," Lucien replied without hesitation.

The healer nodded, sprinkled a mixture of herbs and dark powder around your body, forming a circle on the table. "But it requires payment."

"Name it."

"A memory," Nerissa said, her amber eyes fixed on Lucien. "One you value."

Lucien didn't hesitate. "Take it."

She nodded once, then placed her hands on either side of your face. "And from her, we take the poison."

The world started to fade around you, consciousness slipping away. As Nerissa began to chant in a language older than Prythian, your mind drifted free from your body.

And suddenly, you were elsewhere.

A hospital room. Sterile. Bright.

The rhythmic beeping of machines, the soft whoosh of mechanical breathing. And there. A body in a bed. Your body. Tubes and wires connected to machines that kept it alive.

"...no change in brain activity, though the patterns are unusual," a male voice was saying. A doctor. Human.

"What does that mean?" Another voice, your aunt's, thick with tears. "Is she in pain?"

"We don't believe so," the doctor replied gently. "But I'm afraid there's been no improvement since the accident. The coma is stable, but deep."

Coma.

The word registered with a jolt of understanding. Your human body had been in a coma all this time, while your consciousness wandered in Prythian.

"It's been three months," your aunt said, voice breaking. "You said if there was going to be improvement..."

"I know this is difficult to hear," the doctor said, "but at this point, we've done everything medically possible. The rest is up to her. She has to find her way back."

A sob escaped your aunt. You tried to scream, to move, to give any sign that you were there, that you could hear them. But nothing happened.

I'm here! you shouted inside your mind. I'm right here!

But she couldn't hear you. No one could.

Her hand closed around yours, warm and achingly familiar. "Baby, if you can hear me," she whispered, "please come back to us. Please don't go."

And you couldn't. You were trapped between worlds, neither fully in Prythian nor fully in your human body. You wept without tears, screamed without sound, as your aunt's fingers gently stroked your unresponsive hand.

"I'll be back tomorrow," she promised, her voice thick with grief. "I love you. Always."

As she moved away, your awareness began to fade, the hospital room growing distant. The beeping of the heart monitor receded, replaced by a different sound. Nerissa's chanting, Lucien's desperate pleas.

You were being pulled back, drawn inexorably toward the body dying on that wooden table.

Back to Prythian.

Part of you wanted to resist, to stay with your aunt, in your world. But your human body was beyond your reach now, your consciousness tethered to this new existence whether you wanted it or not.

The cottage materialized around you, time seemingly frozen in the moment of your almost-death. Lucien's hands pressed against your wound, his face contorted with grief and determination. Nerissa stood with palms outstretched, her blood magic pulsing in crimson waves that fought against the ashwood in your system.

As your consciousness settled back into your dying body, the cottage snapped into focus, time resuming its normal flow.

Pain flooded back, the poison and blood loss and failing heart. But something else came with it. Nerissa's magic, dark and ancient, finding pathways the ash tea couldn't block.

"There," she whispered, triumph in her voice. "The blood accepts blood."

Your back arched off the table as your heart lurched painfully in your chest, giving one strong beat, then another. Blood that had been sluggishly seeping from your wound slowed, then stopped entirely as the wound began to close under Nerissa's touch.

"She's returning," Nerissa said, watching as color crept back into your cheeks. "But changed."

Lucien sagged with relief, his hand finding yours and squeezing tight. "Thank the Cauldron."

"Don't thank anything yet," the healer warned. "The poison is gone, but the ashwood remains. It will be days before it leaves her system entirely."

"And the bond?" Lucien asked quietly.

"Muted, still. But present." Nerissa's amber eyes fixed on your face with uncomfortable intensity. "Though I sense there is more to this bond than meets the eye. It stretches... elsewhere."

You wanted to weep, to tell them about the other world, about your aunt sitting by a hospital bed, about the life you might never return to. But exhaustion pulled you under, the trauma and magic and sheer weight of your double existence too much to bear.

As consciousness faded once more, one terrible certainty remained.

You weren't going home.

Not to your aunt. Not to your real body.

The bond had claimed you for Prythian.

And somewhere far to the north, a shadowsinger flew through rain and darkness, driven by a golden thread he couldn't ignore and didn't understand coming to find what belonged to him, whether either of you wanted it or not.

You drifted in and out of consciousness, the bitter taste of Nerissa's medicine lingering on your tongue. The cottage was quiet save for the steady patter of rain on the thatched roof and the occasional crackling of the hearth fire. Night had fallen, turning the windows into black mirrors that reflected the warm glow within.

Voices pulled you from the edge of sleep hushed, tense, just beyond your door.

"You should have taken her straight to Dawn," came Eris's voice, pitched low but sharp with anger. "Not stopped at this hovel."

"She was dying," Lucien replied, his tone equally tense. "The arrow had pierced clean through, and she was losing too much blood. I made the call I had to make."

"And now five fae are dead."

Your breath caught. You kept your eyes closed, feigning sleep while straining to hear.

"What are you talking about?" Lucien asked.

"Your little escape from the estate didn't go unnoticed," Eris said. "Word travels, even in rain and darkness. The shadowsinger found the burning ruins."

The bond in your chest gave a sudden, sharp tug at the mention of Azriel. You ignored it, focusing on the conversation.

"Impossible," Lucien breathed. "He couldn't have tracked us that quickly."

"He didn't need to track you," Eris replied, disgust evident in his voice. "He simply followed the chaos you left behind. And when he found your little mess, he found the hunters who survived the fire."

A pause. Then, "He killed them all, Lucien. One by one."

"They tried to kill her," Lucien said, but there was uncertainty in his voice. "They deserved-"

"That's not the point," Eris cut in. "The point is the way he did it. Cold. Calculated. My source said he was completely composed."

"Bond-sickness should have driven him to madness by now," Lucien said, confusion evident in his voice. "Especially after her injury. He should be feral, uncontrolled."

"But he's not," Eris replied, something like reluctant respect in his tone. "It's as if the bond has given him clarity rather than chaos. He's more focused, more deadly than ever."

The bond pulsed again, stronger this time, sending a wave of heat through your veins despite the ash tea still lingering in your system. You pressed your hand to your chest, willing it to be quiet, to let you hear.

"You sound almost impressed," Lucien said with disbelief.

"I can recognize a dangerous opponent without liking him," Eris replied. "And the shadowsinger has become something… formidable. The bond hasn't weakened him as it should have. It's strengthened him, focused him."

"What does that mean for her?" Lucien's voice had an edge of concern now.

"It means he won't stop," Eris said simply. "Not for borders or laws or High Lords. Not until he finds her. And he will find her with a determination that even Rhysand might find disturbing."

"She's not some possession to be claimed," Lucien said.

"I don't think that's what he sees anymore," Eris replied thoughtfully. "My source said he moved differently, spoke differently. Not like a male hunting a possession, but like one seeking his other half. There was purpose there, not just obsession."

You shivered despite yourself, remembering the cold precision of Azriel's rejection. The harsh words. The shadows that nevertheless had caressed your cheek with strange tenderness.

"We need to move her to Dawn Court as soon as we can," Eris continued, his voice urgent now. "We leave at first light."

"And when she's healed?" Lucien asked. "We can't keep her hidden forever, even in Dawn Court."

A longer silence fell. When Eris spoke again, his voice was softer, almost resigned.

"No. Eventually, she'll have to face him. But on her terms, not his. When she's strong enough to make her own choice."

"And if she chooses him?"

"Then we respect her decision," Eris said. "But it will be her choice. Not the bond's. Not his. Not even ours."

The bond gave another insistent tug, as if in agreement with their words. This time, you couldn't suppress the small gasp that escaped your lips as golden light briefly pulsed beneath your skin.

The conversation outside your door immediately ceased. Footsteps approached, and you quickly closed your eyes, forcing your breathing to even out.

The door creaked open. You could sense them both standing there, watching you.

"She shouldn't be moved tomorrow," Lucien said quietly. "She's still too weak."

"The alternative is waiting for the shadowsinger to find her," Eris replied. "And I promise you, brother, he's already hunting."

You expected to hear the door close, but instead, footsteps approached your bedside. The mattress dipped slightly as someone sat beside you. A warm hand gently brushed the hair from your forehead a touch so unexpectedly tender that you nearly gave yourself away by opening your eyes.

"I'll check the perimeter again," Lucien said softly from the doorway. "Make sure Nerissa's wards are holding."

The door closed with a quiet click, leaving you alone with Eris. His hand remained on your forehead, a comforting weight that felt strangely familiar, as if your body remembered a touch your mind did not.

"I know you're awake," Eris said quietly, no anger in his voice, just weary resignation.

You opened your eyes, meeting his amber gaze. In the dim light of the single candle, his normally harsh features seemed softer, more human.

"How much did you hear?" he asked.

"Enough," you whispered. "Five dead."

Eris nodded, his hand still resting on your forehead. "The shadowsinger is… not what I expected."

"What did you expect?"

"A rabid animal," he said frankly. "Bond-sickness usually breaks a male, especially one who has rejected the bond initially. It should have driven him mad."

"But it didn't," you said, the words a question more than a statement.

Eris studied your face, his expression unreadable. "No. It changed him, but not in the way I anticipated. It's as if…" He paused, seeming to search for the right words. "As if he's found his purpose."

The bond hummed quietly in your chest, neither painful nor insistent, just… present.

"Are you afraid of him?" Eris asked, surprising you with his directness.

You considered the question, truly considered it. "I don't know," you admitted. "I should be. But…"

"But the bond tells you differently," he finished for you.

You nodded, unable to deny it. "Does that make me a fool?"

A ghost of a smile touched Eris's lips. "No more than any of us who have been touched by the Cauldron's whims."

His hand moved from your forehead to take one of yours, his grip firm but gentle. It was such an unexpectedly brotherly gesture that tears sprang to your eyes. "Why are you trying to protect me."

"You're still my sister," he replied, as if that explained everything. And perhaps it did.

He squeezed your hand once before releasing it. "Rest. Tomorrow will be challenging enough without you exhausting yourself eavesdropping. The journey to Dawn Court will test your strength."

As he rose to leave, you caught his sleeve. "Eris."

He paused, looking down at you.

"Thank you."

He didn't smile you weren't sure Eris truly knew how but his expression softened slightly. He placed his hand briefly on top of your head in a gesture so familial, so protective, that it made your heart ache. Then, in a movement so quick and gentle you might have imagined it, he bent down and pressed a kiss to your head.

"Sleep, little flame," he said quietly, using what must have been a childhood nickname. "Your brothers are watching over you."

It lingered like a blessing, so unexpected from the cold, calculating male you'd come to know. It spoke of a past you couldn't remember, of a bond deeper than politics or court alliances.

Then he was gone, the door closing silently behind him, leaving only the faint scent of cinnamon and smoke to prove he'd been there at all.

You turned your face to the pillow, confused tears slipping down your cheeks. The bond sang its golden song in your blood, but now another bond one of family, of blood and choice and unexpected protection wrapped around you as well.

Tomorrow you would leave with your newfound brothers, flee to Dawn Court, continue fighting against the bond that tried to claim you.

But tonight, in the darkness where no one could see, you allowed yourself to wonder about the male who had found clarity rather than madness in your connection. Who sought you not as a possession, but as his missing piece.

And for the first time, you wondered if maybe, just maybe, there might be a choice that didn't require you to run from one bond to preserve another.

You were barely conscious when you arrived at the Dawn Court. The journey had taken what remained of your strength, Lucien and Eris winnowing you through multiple points to throw off any trackers. Your vision had tunneled to pinpricks of light, voices coming to you as if through water.

“She needs immediate attention,” someone said, their voice musical yet commanding. “Bring her to the eastern chambers.”

Hands lifted you onto something soft that floated beneath you, carrying you through corridors scented with jasmine and morning light. You tried to focus, to thank whoever was helping you, but consciousness slipped away again. Replaced by a different scene entirely.

The hospital room. The beeping monitors. Your aunt’s voice, thick with tears.

“It’s been over three months now, and the doctors say… they say we should consider…” Her voice broke. “I can’t give up on you. I won’t.”

You tried to reach for her, to tell her you were there, that you could hear her, but an invisible barrier held you back.

You couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, could only watch as she pressed her forehead against your unresponsive hand.

“Come back to us,” she whispered. “Please come back.”

The scene dissolved, replaced by a Dawn Court ceiling painted with a perpetual sunrise. Healers moved around you, their hands stirring gentle currents of air that smelled of herbs and magic. You let yourself drift, caught between worlds, belonging to neither.

Days passed this way. Sometimes you were in Prythian, vaguely aware of people tending to you, speaking about you as if you couldn’t hear.

Other times you were in the hospital room, a prisoner in your own unresponsive body, watching your family grieve.

You never fully woke. Never fully slept.

You simply existed in a gray space between, the mating bond a dull ache in your chest. A tether to a world you hadn’t chosen but couldn’t escape.

On the fourth day. Or maybe the fifth; time had become fluid, unreliable, you heard Eris’s voice.

“Is there improvement?” he asked someone you couldn’t see.

“Her physical wounds are healing,” came the reply, a female voice, likely a healer. “But she remains unconscious.”

“And the bond?” Eris’s voice was carefully neutral, revealing nothing.

“Stable, but stressed. The separation isn’t helping.”

“It’s necessary,” Eris said firmly. “Beron has every tracker in Autumn searching for her. He’s even approached the Spring Court for assistance, claiming she was abducted.”

“Lord Thesan understands the situation,” the healer assured him. “Our wards will hold.”

Their voices faded as you slipped back into the liminal space, pulled toward your human body once more. The hospital room seemed dimmer this time, night having fallen. A different family member. Your cousin, sat beside your bed, reading aloud from your favorite book as if you might hear and find your way back through the words.

You drifted again, caught in the riptide between worlds.

When awareness returned, Lucien sat beside your Dawn Court bed, his metal eye whirring softly as he studied your face.

“You need to wake up properly,” he said quietly, as if sensing you could hear him even in your half‑conscious state. “Ember and Sizzle are terrorizing the servants. Yesterday they set fire to Thesan’s favorite tapestry, and the day before that they somehow got into the kitchens and charbroiled an entire week’s worth of pastries.”

As if summoned by their names, you felt two small, warm weights settle on either side of your pillow, your flame‑bunnies, who had apparently appointed themselves your guardians in this strange, suspended state.

“Troublemakers,” Lucien continued, his voice fond despite his words.

You wanted to respond, to reach out, but the pull of the other world was too strong. Back in the hospital, a doctor was speaking to your aunt, using words like persistent vegetative state and difficult decisions ahead. You tried to scream, to let them know you were there, trapped between lives, unable to fully claim either.

Fragments of conversation drifted through the fog of days.

“Beron grows more desperate. He’s threatened the Summer Court with retaliation if they don’t assist in the search.”

“Why is he so fixated on finding her? He never showed such concern before.”

Eris sighed, after a long pause, “Because she defied him. Beron doesn’t care about her, only about making an example of her. He intends to show what happens to those who defy the High Lord of Autumn.”

The words pierced the haze. Rage and wounded pride, nothing more. The bond flared at the thought, golden light flickering beneath your skin.

Your eyes opened properly for the first time since arriving at Dawn Court. The chamber around you was beautiful in a way the Autumn Court could never manage. Soft light and gentle curves, crystals catching and amplifying the eternal dawn.

Ember and Sizzle, dozing on your pillow, perked up, their tiny flame forms brightening with excitement. They hopped around your head, chirping happily and leaving small scorch marks on the luxurious bedding.

“Look who’s finally decided to join the land of the living,” Lucien said from the doorway, arms crossed yet visibly relieved. “Just in time, too. Your little fire hazards were about to be banished to the fountain for their own good.”

Ember looked deeply offended. Sizzle, indifferent, continued exploring, leaving paw‑prints of ash on silken sheets.

“How long?” you croaked.

“Nine days,” Lucien replied, pouring water from a crystal carafe. “You’ve been… elsewhere.”

You drank gratefully, but kept your secrets close. “It feels like I’ve been dreaming. Strange dreams.”

Lucien’s metal eye whirred faster. “Trauma often sends the mind searching for escape.”

“And the bond?” You pressed a hand to the golden thread pulsing in your chest.

“Still there,” he said. “What it means… we’ll see.”

Eris appeared, amber eyes widening at the sight of you upright. “Just in time for the latest crisis.”

“What crisis?” you asked, reaching for Ember, who hopped into your palm with a contented chirp.

“Beron has discovered your location or suspects it,” Eris replied grimly. “He’s petitioning Thesan for a formal search of Dawn Court grounds.”

“Will Thesan agree?”

“No,” Eris said, confident. “Thesan’s no friend to Autumn. But we must strengthen your protection and plan for a swift departure.”

“Why is Beron so determined? Is it really just because I defied him?”

“He’s furious,” Eris said. “When you ran, you humiliated him. Our father sees you as property, not a daughter.”

“But we won’t let that happen,” Lucien added. “Get your strength back. We may need to move soon.”

Exhaustion washed over you as they left to make arrangements. Ember and Sizzle curled against your side, warm and comforting.

“What am I doing?” you whispered to them. “Caught between worlds while my human body lies dying in a hospital? I can’t tell them. They’d never understand.”

Ember shrugged—a strangely human gesture—and you laughed despite everything.

You slept properly for the first time since arriving at Dawn Court. When you woke, actual sunlight. Not the court’s perpetual glow—streamed through your windows. You’d slept through an entire day and night.

A tray waited. Fruit glowing from within, bread still warm, tea perfectly steeped. You ate ravenously, surprised by your appetite.

Feeling stronger, you explored your chamber. Elegant furniture seemed to grow from the floor; crystal windows refracted light into rainbows; a bathing pool steamed with jasmine‑scented springs.

A knock interrupted. A Dawn Court servant bowed. “Lady, Lord Thesan requests your presence in the eastern garden when you feel strong enough. Your brothers await you there.”

Brothers. The word still felt wrong. They shared blood with this body, but were strangers to the consciousness within.

“Thank you,” you said. “I’ll come now.”

She left a simple, beautiful gown of pale gold that captured dawn‑light. You dressed quickly, surprised by your regained strength. Ember and Sizzle followed as you walked the corridors; servants stared at your flame‑pets as tiny scorch marks dotted the polished floors.

The garden embodied Dawn Court restraint: pale‑barked trees with glowing blossoms, crushed‑white‑stone paths, fountains singing as water leapt from tier to tier.

Thesan waited by one fountain, his copper skin glinting under the gleaming light.

“Lady of Autumn,” He greeted, kindness warming his ancient eyes. “I’m pleased to see you recovered. Your unconscious state caused us concern.”

“Thank you for your hospitality and protection, Lord Thesan,” you replied, bowing your head. “I’m sorry for any trouble my presence has caused.”

“No trouble,” Thesan assured. “Dawn Court is a place of healing and transition.” His gaze flicked to Ember and Sizzle, currently scaling the fountain with disastrous enthusiasm. “Though your companions have provided some… unexpected excitement.”

“They’re impossible,” you said, stifling a smile as Sizzle slipped into the water with a hiss of steam. “But they mean well.”

“Indeed.” Thesan’s expression sobered. “I hope your stay, however brief, brings peace. Dawn Court lives in the moment of transition between night and day. A reminder that no state is permanent, only change.”

You wondered if he sensed your divided nature, but his face revealed only polite welcome.

“Thank you, Lord Thesan,” you said. “I hope to enjoy what Dawn Court offers for as long as I may stay.”

As talk turned to mundane matters of accommodation and security, the hospital surfaced in your mind, distant now, faint. Your human family still kept vigil, but their voices reached you as though from a deep well.

The bond tugged you toward this world, this reality. Answers about Beron, the bond, and yourself, waited beyond Dawn Court’s perpetual sunrise.

For now, you would gather strength and keep your secrets close, navigating this strange existence between two worlds.

The Dawn Court's borders shimmered in the perpetual half light, a gossamer veil of magic that separated Thesan's realm from the rest of Prythian.

Azriel stood before it, unmoving as he had been for days now, his shadows writhing around him in agitated tendrils that reflected the turmoil within.

The sentries watched him warily from their posts.

The shadowsinger of the Night Court had arrived five days ago, taking position at the eastern border where the magic was thinnest. He'd made no move to cross, no attempt to infiltrate.

He simply... waited. Watching. Sometimes pacing, but mostly standing in silent vigil, his haggard appearance growing more concerning with each passing day.

"He hasn't eaten since yesterday," one sentry murmured to another as they changed shifts. "Barely sleeps either. Just stands there, staring."

"Should we report to Lord Thesan again?"

"Already did. He said to continue observation only."

Azriel heard them, of course.

His Illyrian hearing could pick up a whisper from across a battlefield. But he gave no indication, his focus turned inward to the golden thread that pulsed in his chest sometimes painfully bright, sometimes a dull ache, but always pulling him toward the heart of Dawn Court.

Toward you.

His wings, normally immaculate, showed signs of neglect the leathery membranes dull rather than gleaming. Dark stubble shadowed his usually clean shaven jaw, while circles beneath his eyes gave his already severe features a haunted quality.

The shadows themselves had changed.

Those who knew Azriel well would have noticed immediately they no longer moved with calculated precision, no longer seemed like tools under his absolute control. Instead, they reached, they yearned, stretching toward the border before being pulled back to coil around their master like protective serpents.

When the Dawn Court emissary finally approached, Azriel's eyes sharpened with predatory focus, though he made no move toward the slender fae who approached with hands raised in peaceful gesture.

"Shadowsinger," the emissary greeted formally. "Lord Thesan acknowledges your presence at our borders and invites you to an audience."

Azriel's voice, when he finally spoke, was rough from disuse. "When?"

"Now, if you're willing."

Azriel gave a single, sharp nod.

The emissary gestured toward the border, which parted like silk curtains to admit him. The moment he crossed, he felt the weight of Dawn Court wards settle around him not hostile, but watchful, ready to neutralize any threat.

As they walked through forests bathed in perpetual sunrise, Azriel's shadows retreated closer to his body, as if uncomfortable in the gentle light. His hand drifted occasionally to the hilt of Truth Teller at his hip not in threat, but from habit, seeking comfort in the familiar weight.

The golden thread in his chest pulled harder with each step toward the palace, almost painfully tight now.

Somewhere ahead, you waited.

Somewhere ahead, the other half of his soul lived and breathed, perhaps hating him for the cruel words he'd spat at you when the bond had first snapped into place.

"I reject you," he had told you weeks ago, the memory flashing unbidden through his mind.

Your face had crumpled at his coldness, the bond between you shuddering with your pain. He had turned away then, unable to face what he'd done.

The Dawn Court palace rose before them, its crystalline spires capturing the eternal sunrise and fracturing it into rainbows that danced across polished facades.

Even in his state of agitation, Azriel could appreciate its beauty so different from the shadowed grandeur of the Night Court, yet magnificent in its own way.

They led him not to the grand audience chamber, but to a smaller, more intimate garden terrace where Thesan waited alone. The High Lord of Dawn studied Azriel with ancient eyes that held no hostility, only careful assessment.

"Shadowsinger," Thesan greeted. "You've caused quite a stir, maintaining your vigil at my borders."

Azriel inclined his head slightly, the closest he could manage to courtly manners in his current state. "I meant no disrespect."

"None was taken." Thesan gestured to a seat across from him, but Azriel remained standing. The High Lord didn't press the issue. "Your appearance suggests you have not been caring for yourself."

Azriel made no reply.

His state was obvious enough the weight he'd lost, the gauntness in his face, the shadows under his eyes that had nothing to do with his power.

"Why have you come, Shadowsinger?" Thesan asked, though his tone suggested he already knew.

Azriel's gaze lifted to meet the High Lord's, and something in that gaze the raw emotion, the quiet desperation seemed to soften Thesan's expression.

"I don't demand to see her," Azriel said, the words clearly difficult. "I don't demand anything."

"A refreshing approach," Thesan noted. "Most males in your position would be tearing apart my court stone by stone."

Azriel's jaw tightened beneath the dark stubble. "Is she well?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

The simple question, asked with such carefully restrained concern, seemed to surprise Thesan, who studied the shadowsinger with renewed interest.

"She is recovering," the High Lord finally replied. "Both physically and... otherwise."

"The arrow wound?" Azriel's shadows twisted anxiously.

"Healed, for the most part. Though there were complications."

Azriel nodded once, his gloved hands clenching. "Has she been able to rest? To eat properly?"

"She's regaining her strength," Thesan answered, watching Azriel carefully.

"And her flame creatures? They're with her?"

A slight smile touched Thesan's lips. "They've caused quite a stir among my household staff. Very protective of her."

Relief flickered across Azriel's face. "Good. That's... good." He paused, then asked, "Is she safe here?"

"As safe as anyone can be in these turbulent times," Thesan replied. "Though Beron's interest in her whereabouts grows more aggressive by the day."

"Has Beron threatened her directly?" Azriel asked, shadows darkening. "Are his agents watching the borders?"

"Your concern is noted, Shadowsinger," Thesan said evenly. "Though I assure you, Dawn Court is quite capable of protecting its guests."

"I don't question your capabilities," Azriel said quietly. "I only wish to know if there's anything I can do to help ensure her safety."

Thesan's eyebrows rose slightly. "You offer assistance to Dawn Court?"

"I offer whatever is needed to ensure she's protected," Azriel replied, the words a quiet vow. "I only ask permission to remain here... at a distance. To help ensure her safety without intruding on her peace."

"And if she doesn't wish you to stay?" Thesan asked, watching him carefully.

"Then I'll go," Azriel said immediately. "But I would station myself at your borders, with your permission."

Thesan studied him for a long moment. "The bond has changed you."

"She has changed me," Azriel corrected softly, then fell silent, as if he'd already said too much about himself.

Thesan's expression showed genuine surprise, then approval. "That is a rare understanding, even among those far older than yourself."

Azriel looked toward the eastern wing of the palace, where the golden thread in his chest pulled insistently. "I don't ask to see her. I don't deserve it."

"And if she chooses to never see you again?" Thesan asked, his tone gentle but probing.

"Then I will protect her from afar," Azriel replied without hesitation. "Whether she claims me or not, she has my dagger, my shadows, my life if needed."

Thesan was silent for a long moment. Then, "You speak of choice, yet you've been at my borders for five days, barely eating, barely sleeping. The bond drives you still."

"The bond drives me to ensure her safety and happiness," Azriel corrected quietly. "Not to possess her."

Something in his words seemed to satisfy Thesan, who nodded slowly. "Rest here tonight, Shadowsinger. Food and quarters will be provided."

Azriel stiffened. "I don't wish to impose-"

"It is not," Thesan interrupted gently. "It is a High Lord's hospitality to a warrior who has clearly reached his limits."

Before Azriel could respond, a flicker of movement caught his attention a flash of fire from a nearby corridor, there and gone in an instant. His shadows surged in that direction, sensing rather than seeing, and Azriel went completely still.

You were near.

So close that the bond sang between you, golden light briefly visible beneath his skin. His wings twitched with the instinct to move toward you, but he held himself rigidly in place, refusing to push, to intrude.

Thesan rose, "A room will be prepared for you. Food brought. I suggest you accept both, Shadowsinger, before you collapse."

As if his body had been waiting for permission, a wave of exhaustion swept through Azriel. He inclined his head in acceptance, shadows swirling tiredly around him.

"Thank you," Azriel replied, the words raw with genuine gratitude.

As a Dawn Court attendant led him to guest quarters, Azriel felt the golden thread in his chest ease slightly, as if knowing he was under the same roof even floors and corridors away was enough to soothe its constant pull. He followed quietly, each step taking enormous effort now that the adrenaline of meeting with Thesan had faded.

In his room, food had already been laid out fruits that seemed to glow from within, bread still warm from the oven, and a carafe of wine that caught the light like liquid rubies.

Azriel could barely remember the last time he'd eaten properly. The days at the border had blurred together, hunger and thirst secondary to the need to be near you, to know you were safe.

He ate mechanically, his body demanding sustenance even as his mind remained focused on the bond connecting him to you. It felt different here less painful, more... anticipatory. As if the bond itself knew that separation couldn't last forever, one way or another.

After eating, he moved to the balcony that overlooked gardens awash in perpetual dawn light. He breathed deeply, letting his shadows expand and contract with each breath. Somewhere in this palace, you were making your own choice. Whether that choice included him or not, he would honor it.

His gloved fingers absently rubbed at the stubble on his jaw as he stared out at the Dawn Court's eternal sunrise. He didn't care about his haggard appearance, his exhaustion, or his hunger. He cared only about one thing.

That you were safe. That you were healing. That you had everything you needed.

The rest including whether you ever forgave him was entirely your choice.

And for the first time in his long life, the shadowsinger surrendered completely to a power greater than his formidable will.

The choice was yours.

The healing chambers of the Dawn Court became your sanctuary.

After weeks of recovery, you found yourself drawn to the eastern wing of Thesan's palace where injured fae came seeking help.

At first, you simply observed, fascinated by the Dawn healers' methods so different from Autumn Court magic, which focused on destruction rather than restoration.

"You have a natural aptitude," remarked Alis, the chief healer, as you handed her crushed herbs for a poultice.

Her amber eyes studied you with interest. "Your touch calms the patients."

You shrugged, uncomfortable with the praise. "I'm just trying to be useful."

"Nonsense," she replied briskly. "Your energy has healing properties. I suspect it's always been there, just... misdirected in Autumn."

The work gave you purpose, a reason to rise each morning despite the persistent ache of the bond in your chest.

The ash tea's effects had finally worn off completely, leaving you with the full strength of the mating bond, a golden thread that tugged constantly toward the western edge of the palace grounds.

You ignored it. Deliberately. Fiercely.

Instead, you threw yourself into learning. Into living. Into rebuilding a life that was wholly your own.

"The lavender infusion needs straining," you told one of the younger healers as you moved through the sunlit chamber, checking on patients.

The Dawn Court's perpetual sunrise streamed through crystal windows, bathing everything in a golden glow that enhanced healing magic.

As you reached for fresh bandages on a high shelf, you felt it again the sensation of being watched.

It had been happening for days now, a prickling awareness that raised the fine hairs on your neck. You turned sharply, scanning the room, the doorway, the windows.

Nothing. No one.

Just as there had been nothing the day before, or the day before that.

You pushed the feeling aside. Dawn Court was full of secrets and hidden watchers perimeter guards, palace attendants, the Peregryn warriors who served as Thesan's elite force. Any of them might have reason to observe an Autumn Court refugee with unusual healing abilities.

It meant nothing.

"You look tired," Lucien commented that evening as you joined him for a simple dinner in your private quarters.

Eris had already departed another brief visit concluded. His position in Autumn Court required maintaining appearances, which meant he couldn't stay long in Dawn without raising suspicions. "The healing work is draining you."

"I'm fine," you replied, helping yourself to roasted quail and honeyed vegetables. "It's good to be useful."

Lucien studied you for a moment. "You've settled in quickly."

"The Dawn Court suits me," you admitted.

The constant sunrise felt like hope made manifest neither trapped in darkness nor exposed to harsh daylight. Just endless possibility.

Later that night, as you prepared for bed, you noticed something on your balcony a small parcel wrapped in midnight-blue silk, secured with a silver ribbon.

Your heart beat faster as you approached it warily. It hadn't been there earlier. Someone had placed it there while you dined.

With cautious fingers, you untied the ribbon.

Inside lay a delicate silver bracelet, each link shaped like a tiny flame that somehow captured the dawn light and reflected it in golden hues. It was beautiful understated yet distinctive, nothing like the ostentatious Autumn Court jewelry you'd seen.

A small note accompanied it, written in an elegant, angular hand.

For protection and healing.

No signature. None needed.

You knew instantly who had left it, just as you knew who had been watching from the shadows.

Azriel.

Anger flared hot and sudden. You stormed from your room, bracelet clutched in your fist. The bond pulsed wildly as you marched through the Dawn Court halls, following its pull like a compass.

You found Lucien in the library, browsing ancient texts by lamplight.

"You knew," you accused, throwing the bracelet onto the table before him. It clattered against the polished wood. "You knew he was here."

Lucien didn't feign ignorance. "Thesan granted him sanctuary three days ago."

"Why wasn't I told?" The flames in the nearby hearth flickered higher, responding to your anger.

"Because you're still healing," Lucien said carefully. "And because he specifically asked not to disturb your peace."

"That's not your decision to make," you snapped. "Or his. Or Thesan's."

"No," Lucien agreed quietly. "It's not. But the damage he did to you when the bond first appeared-"

"Is between him and me."

Lucien studied you. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything. Why is he here? What does he want? How long has Thesan been sheltering him?"

"Let's find Thesan," Lucien suggested. "He can explain better than I can."

The High Lord received you in his private study despite the late hour. His golden-brown skin seemed to glow with the same light as the perpetual dawn outside, his eyes keen as he gestured for you to sit.

"I expected this visit sooner," Thesan said, pouring three glasses of pale wine. "The shadowsinger arrived at our borders five days ago and simply waited. No demands, no threats."

"Unlike most males in his position," Lucien added.

"Why is he here?" you demanded.

"For you," Thesan said simply. "Though he claims he expects nothing in return. He stood at our borders for days, barely eating, barely sleeping."

"The bond drives him," Lucien explained.

"No," Thesan corrected. "He believes the bond drives him to ensure your safety and happiness, not to possess you. His words, not mine. He offered his services to Dawn Court as additional protection against Beron's growing interest in your whereabouts."

You scoffed. "How convenient."

"I'm not asking you to forgive him," Thesan said. "But I thought his approach unusual. Most fae males, especially warriors of his caliber, would have demanded access to you, claimed ancient rights. He asked only to know that you were healing well."

"The gifts?" you asked.

Thesan's expression softened. "Those were not my idea, nor did I explicitly permit them. But I saw no harm."

"He's a shadowsinger," you said flatly. "Of course you didn't catch him."

"I see more than you might think," Thesan replied, unruffled. "The question is, what do you want done? I can send him away if that's your wish."

The question caught you off guard. You'd been so focused on your anger at being kept in the dark that you hadn't considered what you actually wanted.

Your chair scraped harshly as you stood. "He's not welcome anywhere near me."

"Very well," Thesan began. "I'll inform-"

"No." You cut him off, walking toward the door. "You don't get to play matchmaker, Thesan. Neither of you do. You had no right to keep this from me."

"That wasn't our intent," Lucien said.

You paused at the doorway, not looking back. "I'm not a piece in whatever game you're playing."

You left without waiting for a response, your anger a living thing inside you. But beneath it, the bond hummed, carrying an emotion that wasn't entirely your own, relief, perhaps, that you now knew he was here. That there was no more need for shadows and secrets.

You hated how your body responded to that knowledge, how the pain in your chest had eased slightly despite your fury.

"What is this, Medieval Instagram?" you muttered to yourself later, staring at the bracelet.

You set the bracelet aside, ignoring the insistent tug of the bond in your chest.

After a moment's hesitation, you didn't throw it away, but placed it in a drawer instead.

Out of sight, if not entirely out of mind.

The gifts continued over the following days.

A small pot of healing salve appeared on your balcony, its properties more potent than anything in the Dawn Court's extensive collection. Alis marveled at its efficacy, asking where you'd obtained it.

You couldn't bring yourself to tell her.

Then came a set of delicate crystal vials for holding medicinal tinctures, each stopper carved in the shape of a different healing herb. Next, a rare book on ancient healing techniques, its pages clearly carefully selected to align with your growing interests.

You placed each gift in the drawer with the bracelet, refusing to use them, refusing to acknowledge them in any way.

Yet you found yourself opening that drawer each night, running your fingers over the items, wondering what might appear next. The gifts felt like messages, each one saying. I see you. I know you. I'm sorry. Words the shadowsinger wouldn't couldn't say to your face.

One evening, you discovered a small wooden carving of a flame bunny on your balcony, so detailed it captured Ember's mischievous expression perfectly.

You ran your fingers over the intricate workmanship despite yourself. You placed the carving with the other gifts, trying to ignore how perfectly it fit in your palm, how the weight of it felt oddly comforting.

The next day, as you walked from the healing chambers to your rooms, you felt the familiar prickling sensation of being watched. This time, rather than ignoring it, you stopped abruptly in the middle of the corridor.

"I know you're there," you said quietly, not turning around. "Following me like a shadow. Very original, by the way. So this is the Fae version of sliding into my DMs?"

No response came, but the air seemed to thicken, darkness gathering in the corners despite the eternal dawn light streaming through the windows.

Did the shadows just... ripple? As if caught off-guard by your strange reference?

"This is childish," you continued, still facing forward.

The shadows stirred, a whisper of movement that might have been mistaken for a draft if you hadn't been listening for it.

"Nothing to say for yourself?" You finally turned, scanning the seemingly empty corridor. "Fine. Keep hiding."

As you continued to your rooms, the sensation of being watched gradually faded.

By the time you reached your door, you felt alone again the bond still tugging insistently, but the immediate presence gone.

That night, no gift appeared on your balcony.

Nor the next night. Nor the one after that.

You told yourself you were relieved.

That the game, whatever it had been, was finally over. Yet each evening, you found yourself glancing toward the balcony, expecting perhaps even hoping to find another small token.

"This is why we can't have nice things," you muttered to yourself, annoyed at your own disappointment.

Ember and Sizzle seemed agitated, pacing the balcony each evening, their tiny forms of rosy-pink flame flickering with what seemed like disappointment when they found nothing new. They'd grown oddly attached to investigating each gift, sniffing and circling the items with inexplicable interest.

On the fourth night without a gift, Ember hopped onto your vanity table as you prepared for bed. His pink flame form flickered restlessly as he pawed at the drawer where you'd stored the shadowsinger's gifts.

"Stop that," you said, shooing him away. "It's nothing. My own personal Edward Cullen with wings sends his regards," you said with an eye roll that would have confused any purebred Fae.

Ember made a soft, crackling sound not words, but clearly displeasure. He continued pawing at the drawer until you relented and opened it, if only to prevent him from scorching the wood.

"There. See? Just trinkets," you told him firmly.

A soft chirp from the balcony drew your attention. Sizzle stood at the doors, her pink flame form brightening as she squeezed through the small gap you always left open for their nocturnal explorations.

"Sizzle! Get back here," you called, alarmed. She'd never ventured outside alone at night before.

Ember seized the opportunity created by your distraction to grab the wooden carving of himself, following his sister through the gap before you could stop him.

Moving to the balcony doors, you hesitated, then pushed them open fully, stepping out into the cool night air. The balcony was empty.

They must have scrambled down the ivy that covered this section of the palace wall. You leaned over the railing, trying to spot two tiny points of pink flame in the gardens below.

Nothing.

Without thinking, you grabbed a shawl and hurried from your rooms, making your way through the quiet palace corridors toward the gardens.

The bond in your chest seemed to pulse more insistently with each step, as if approving your destination even as you remained ignorant of it.

The night air carried the scent of Dawn Court roses as you entered the gardens, their blooms glowing faintly in the perpetual twilight. You called softly for your companions, listening for the distinctive crackle of their flame-steps on the gravel paths.

A flicker of movement caught your eye not the pink of your flame bunnies, but a deeper shadow among shadows near a secluded bench beneath a flowering tree.

Your steps slowed as you recognized the silhouette seated there, two tiny points of pink flame dancing around his feet.

The traitors had found exactly who they were looking for.

Azriel sat perfectly still as Ember and Sizzle circled him, emitting excited little crackles of flame. In the shadowsinger's gloved hands lay the wooden carving of Ember, which he appeared to be showing to the real thing.

His wings were folded tightly against his back, his expression hidden in shadow. The leather gloves he always wore seemed particularly dark against the pale wood of the carving.

You could have retreated should have retreated.

He hadn't noticed you yet, focused entirely on your flame companions. But your feet carried you forward instead, drawn by equal parts irritation at your pets' betrayal and the insistent pull of the bond.

You approached silently, eyes fixed only on your flame bunnies, deliberately avoiding looking at the shadowsinger.

"Ember. Sizzle. Come," you commanded, your voice neutral, as if speaking to empty air.

The flame bunnies looked up, their pink forms brightening at your approach, but neither moved to obey.

Sizzle even had the audacity to hop closer to Azriel's boot.

You continued as if speaking into a void, still not acknowledging the male's presence. "We're leaving now."

Azriel's shadows swirled around him in agitation, clearly sensing your deliberate dismissal. His head lifted, hazel eyes finding yours, but you looked right through him, focusing on a point beyond his shoulder.

"They see me," he said, his voice a broken whisper. "Why can't you? Or is it that you won't?"

You continued as if you hadn't heard him, as if the words had been merely the rustling of leaves. "Ember, Sizzle. Now."

The flame bunnies remained stubbornly in place. Ember even hopped onto Azriel's knee, pink flame brightening as he settled in like he belonged there.

Something inside you snapped.

A cold anger washed through you, and without thinking, you summoned the magic that tied these creatures to you. Fire blossomed in your palm not the gentle warmth you typically used with them, but a sharp, commanding heat.

"Come," you said one final time, infusing the word with power.

The flame bunnies froze, their pink forms flickering uncertainly. Then, as one, they vanished with twin pops of displaced air.

Azriel visibly flinched at the display of power, at the finality of it. His shadows recoiled around him as if struck.

"Please," he breathed, the word ragged with desperation. "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I know my words cut deeper than any blade. But this silence," his voice cracked, "is worse than any torture I've endured."

You turned without a word, without a glance, and began walking away.

"I dream of you," he called after you, voice raw with emotion. "Every night, I dream of a world where I didn't fail you."

You didn't slow, didn't turn.

"It doesn't change what happened," Azriel's voice followed you, breaking on each word. "But please... just look at me once. Just once. So I know there's still a path back to you, however long it might be."

You didn't slow, didn't turn, didn't acknowledge the words in any way.

But as you reached the edge of the garden, your peripheral vision caught his expression a flash of such raw pain that it momentarily stole your breath.

His face, usually so carefully controlled, had crumbled into naked hurt, shadows writhing around him like physical manifestations of his agony. A single tear escaped, sliding down his cheek, glinting silver in the eternal dawn light before dropping to the ground.

The shadowsinger of the Night Court feared, revered, impenetrable wept for what he had lost.

You kept walking, spine straight, eyes forward, pretending you hadn't seen. Pretending the image of his devastated face wouldn't haunt your dreams.

The walk back to your chambers felt endless. Each step required focus, determination not to falter, not to let your mask slip.

Your heartbeat thundered in your ears, nearly drowning out the persistent hum of the bond that seemed to vibrate with the shared pain between you.

When you finally reached your door, your hand trembled slightly as you pushed it open. The moment it closed behind you, your carefully constructed composure shattered.

You slid to the floor, back against the door, as the first sob tore from your throat. The tears you'd been holding back rushed forth in a torrent, hot and unstoppable. Your shoulders shook with the force of your grief, grief for what might have been, grief for his pain, grief for your own.

"Why did you have to look at me like that?" you gasped between sobs, your voice breaking on each word. "Why did you have to cry? You don't get to cry after what you did."

You pressed your palms against your eyes, trying to block out the image that refused to leave you.

Azriel's face, that single silver tear tracking down his cheek. The shadowsinger of the Night Court, powerful and feared across Prythian, brought to tears by your rejection.

"I hate you," you whispered, but the bond flared painfully in your chest, as if sensing the lie. "I hate that I can't hate you."

The bond pulsed in your chest, a golden thread connecting you to him even now, carrying echoes of his anguish alongside your own. You wanted to sever it, to cut it away, but the harder you tried to ignore it, the more insistently it tugged.

"It's not fair," your voice cracked, barely audible through your tears. "It's not fair that I can feel you breaking when all I want is to be free of you."

You curled into yourself, arms wrapped around your knees as if physically holding yourself together. The sobs that wracked your body felt endless, each one torn from somewhere deeper than the last.

"You don't get to haunt me," you choked out. "You don't get to make me care after you threw me away."

You didn't know how long you sat there, tears flowing freely as you mourned something you'd never actually had. Something you'd rejected before fully understanding what it meant. The bond had been a violation, an intrusion but the male himself...

"I could have loved you," you whispered, the confession torn from your very soul. "That's what hurts the most. I could have loved you so easily."

Eventually, the tears subsided, leaving you hollow and exhausted.

You dragged yourself to the washbasin, splashing cold water on your face. In the mirror, your reflection stared back eyes reddened, face blotchy. You barely recognized yourself.

"Get it together," you told your reflection. "Tears doesn't erase what he did."

But even as you spoke the words, you knew they were a lie.

Because the pain you'd glimpsed in Azriel wasn't manipulation or self-pity.

It was raw, genuine agony the pain of someone watching their last hope walk away.

Your fingers slipped into your pocket, touching the silver bracelet you'd taken from the drawer earlier that day. Its weight felt both lighter and heavier than you remembered.

The metal caught the eternal dawn light streaming through your windows, reflecting it in golden hues that matched the bond pulsing in your chest.

"It doesn't change anything," you whispered, echoing his words.

But as your fingers closed around the bracelet rather than putting it back in the drawer, you wondered if that was truly still the case.

Azriel carefully eased the small leather bound journal from his pocket, unable to suppress the hiss of pain as the movement pulled at the wound in his side.

Fresh blood seeped through the hasty bandage he'd applied before leaving the battlefield at the Autumn Court border, the metallic scent mingling with the perpetual dawn sweetness of Thesan's realm.

Three more of Beron's assassins would never report back to their master.

Three more threats to you eliminated.

He'd have done it a thousand times over. Would bleed out a thousand times if it meant keeping you safe.

The journal's pages were worn from constant handling, the first half already filled with his neat, precise handwriting. This small book had become his most treasured possession over the weeks in Dawn Court an archive of you.

Or rather, the strange, fascinating things you said that no one in Prythian seemed to understand.

Today's entry made him smile despite the fire burning through his veins.

"That's about as useful as a screen door on a submarine." [Sketch of what appears to be a metal tube with a door made of crossed lines] Note: What is a submarine? Some kind of underwater house? Why would anyone put a door with holes in it underwater? Filed under: Makes no sense but I understand completely.

He'd overheard you muttering it to yourself when a haughty Dawn Court healer suggested an ineffective treatment for one of your patients.

The sunlight had caught in your hair as you'd said it, turning the strands to living flame. Even in your irritation, you'd been beautiful.

Azriel had no idea what a "submarine" was, but the imagery was somehow perfectly clear something meant to keep water out being rendered useless.

The phrase was so distinctly you.

The journal contained dozens of these oddities.

"Well that escalated quickly." Note: Usually said when Thesan's fussy assistant starts crying after simple criticism. "Not my circus, not my monkeys." [Small sketch of what might be monkeys with question marks] Note: No actual circus observed in Dawn Court. Does she have a secret circus? Must investigate. "Plot twist!" Note: Shouted when discovering her patient had been faking symptoms to stay longer. "Houston, we have a problem." [Sketch of a star with a question mark] Note: Who is Houston? Some kind of authority on problems? Have checked all records of Prythian nobility. No Houston found. "This is giving me major déjà vu." Note: Correct pronunciation: day zhah voo. Sounds Continent based but she has no accent. Used when entering Dawn Court's west wing. Why? What happened there? "Sweet baby Jesus, that hurts!" Note: Unfamiliar deity? No known religion in Prythian worships infant gods. "That's what she said." Note: Said after completely innocent comment about "it's too big to fit." Makes everyone uncomfortable for reasons unclear. "I'm going to need coffee for this." [Sketch of a steaming cup] Note: Unknown beverage. When I asked kitchen staff, they were confused. Apparent withdrawal symptoms observed in mornings. Addictive substance?

Azriel traced a gloved finger over today's entry. Someday, perhaps, he would ask you about them.

Someday, when you finally acknowledged his existence again, he would show you this collection of linguistic curiosities and watch your face as you explained their origins.

If that day ever came.

The thought sent a fresh wave of anguish through him, sharper than the poisoned blade that had caught him in the skirmish hours earlier.

His shadows recoiled as if physically struck, curling protectively around him before lashing out at nothing, responding to his pain in ways his face never would.

He carefully returned the journal to his inner pocket, close to his heart, where it always remained.

Dawn was approaching as Azriel made his way to Lucien's quarters with his latest intel. Blood dripped steadily down his side, each step leaving faint scarlet drops on the polished marble, the trail quickly dissolving into shadow behind him.

What was physical pain compared to the hollow ache of being unseen by the one person whose gaze he craved?

"You look terrible," Lucien said by way of greeting, his metal eye whirring as it took in Azriel's pallor and the blood soaked leathers.

"Beron has deployed his elite guard," Azriel reported, ignoring the comment as he handed over maps marked with troop positions. His voice remained steady despite the room tilting sideways. "They're converging from three directions. The attack will come within two days, possibly when Thesan's power ebbs slightly."

"And his objective?"

"Extraction," Azriel said flatly. "He wants her alive."

Lucien studied the maps with a frown. "How reliable is this intel?"

"I extracted it personally." The words were emotionless, but the shadows around Azriel churned with remembered violence, briefly taking the shapes of the assassins he'd interrogated before ending their lives.

Lucien's gaze flickered to the steadily spreading bloodstain on Azriel's side. "You need a healer."

"It's nothing."

"It's poisoned," Lucien countered. "I can smell it from here."

Azriel's expression remained impassive. "I'll handle it."

"She's on duty in the east wing healing chambers," Lucien said carefully. "The best healer we have for poison."

The shadows around Azriel contracted violently, betraying the control he maintained over his face. One shadow tendril reached briefly toward the east wing before he brutally reined it back. "She doesn't see me, remember?"

"Perhaps if-"

"No." The word was final, though it cost him dearly to say it. "I'm not asking for her help when she's made her position clear."

Lucien sighed, running a hand through his russet hair. "Your pride will kill you."

"It's not pride," Azriel said quietly, shadows writhing. "It's respect for her choice."

He left the maps with Lucien and retreated to his small quarters at the edge of the Dawn Court grounds.

Today's gift for you was already prepared a small vial of rare Night Court starlight distilled into liquid form. When applied to wounds, it accelerated healing without scarring. Rhys had sent it at Azriel's request, no questions asked, though his High Lord surely wondered at the urgency.

Azriel wrapped the vial in midnight blue silk and penned a simple note.

For the burn patient in the east wing. Three drops in her evening tea will ease her pain. -A

He would leave it where Alis would find it. The head healer had become his unwitting accomplice in these deliveries, recognizing the value of his gifts even if she didn't understand their source.

Before that, though, he needed to tend to his wound.

The small chamber he'd been assigned was spartan, but he'd added one indulgence. A carved wooden stand beside the bed, displaying each of the gifts you had returned.

The silver flame bracelet. The healing salve. The rare book of ancient techniques. The carved flame bunnies.

Each one delivered back to his doorstep, sometimes within hours of your receiving them.

Each rejection a fresh wound, deeper than any blade could reach.

Yet still he created new gifts, still he left them where you would find them.

What was insanity, after all, but doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting different results?

Azriel removed his armor with careful movements, a strangled sound escaping him as dried blood made the leather stick to his wound. The gash along his ribs was ugly, the edges tinged with a greenish black that spoke of powerful toxins.

The vile magic of Autumn Court assassins designed to kill slowly, painfully. He cleaned it as best he could, applied what healing salves he had, and wrapped it in fresh bandages.

It would have to do.

His shadows whispered of your movements through the palace a benefit of the bond that remained even when you refused to acknowledge it.

You were finishing your shift in the healing chambers, tired after treating a particularly difficult case. Even exhausted, you moved with a grace that mesmerized him. The way your hands worked, sure and steady. The slight furrow between your brows when you concentrated. The scent of you healing herbs, dawn light and something uniquely, perfectly you.

Foolishly, pathetically, he wondered if you ever asked about the source of the mysterious gifts that continued to appear.

If you ever suspected they came from the same male who hunted in the night to keep Beron's assassins from your door. If you ever felt the bond tugging you toward him, as it constantly pulled him toward you.

The mating bond pulsed in his chest, a golden thread that stretched across the palace to where you worked. Once, he had feared it. He had rejected it with cruel words that he would spend eternity regretting.

Now, it was his only comfort, his only connection to you, even as it tore him apart from within.

When darkness fell, Azriel slipped through the palace to leave the vial where Alis would find it. His wound protested every movement, sending waves of agony through him with each heartbeat.

The shadows helped hold him upright when his own strength began to fail, weaving a cocoon of darkness around him that hid the worst of his deterioration.

The healing chambers were quiet this late, only a skeletal staff remaining for emergencies. Azriel's shadows guided him through blind spots in the guards' rotations, past dozing attendants, to the small office where Alis kept her records and supplies. The familiar scent of healing herbs surrounded him, but underneath was a trace of you you had been here recently.

He was placing the silk wrapped vial on her desk when a voice behind him froze him in place.

"Still leaving your little presents?" The words were sharp as winter frost.

Your voice.

For a moment, Azriel couldn't breathe, couldn't move. His shadows contracted around him in shock, then flared outward in response to the sudden hammering of his heart. Several tendrils reached instinctively toward you before he yanked them back.

Slowly, he turned.

You stood in the doorway, arms crossed over your chest like a shield. Your face was carefully blank, but your scent betrayed you. A volatile mix of anger, sorrow, and something sweeter, something that matched the golden bond still pulsing between you.

Even now, even refusing to look directly at him, you were the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. The way the eternal dawn light caught in your hair. The stubborn set of your jaw. The slight tremor in your hands that you tried to hide by gripping your own arms tighter.

"I told Thesan to send you away," you said, your tone clipped and final. "Yet you linger like a ghost."

Azriel remained perfectly still, afraid any movement might shatter this moment the first time you'd spoken directly to him since that night in the garden.

"I know they're from you," you continued, your voice flat and empty of emotion. "All of them."

His shadows curled inward, as if trying to shield him from the blow. "They help your patients," he said, his voice rougher than he intended.

"I don't need your charity." You picked up the vial from the desk and tossed it back at him. He caught it instinctively, though the movement sent a fresh wave of agony through his side. "I don't need anything from you."

"Beron has dispatched his elite guard," Azriel said, unable to keep the urgency from his voice. "Three strike teams converging on Dawn Court."

For a moment, something flickered in your expression annoyance, perhaps even contempt.

But your scent shifted, betraying a flash of genuine fear quickly suppressed. "I don't need your protection either."

"I already informed Lucien," he added quietly, even as the room began to tilt alarmingly. His shadows condensed around him, helping him remain upright.

"Then your usefulness has ended." You stepped aside, a clear dismissal. "You should go. Permanently."

Azriel didn't move. His side throbbed viciously, the poison working deeper with every heartbeat.

"Why do you say things no one understands?" The question escaped before he could stop it.

Your eyes narrowed, briefly flicking to his face before returning to the wall.

In that split second of eye contact, the bond flared painfully between you, and Azriel couldn't quite suppress his slight intake of breath.

"I don't owe you explanations."

"Screen doors on submarines," he said quietly. "Not your circus, not your monkeys. Houston having problems."

Your jaw tightened, a muscle jumping beneath your skin. Your scent changed again surprise mingled with something almost like embarrassment. "You've been spying on me."

"Protecting you," he corrected.

A shadow tendril escaped his control, reaching toward you before he could stop it. It brushed against your ankle for the briefest moment before he yanked it back, a silent apology in his eyes.

You tensed at the contact, the first crack appearing in your mask a flash of something that might have been recognition, might have been longing. It disappeared so quickly he thought he might have imagined it.

"I never asked for that." Your voice was ice, but your scent had warmed slightly. "I never asked for any of this."

Your gaze dropped momentarily to his side, where blood was now seeping through his leathers despite the fresh bandage. Something that might have been concern flashed across your face, quickly replaced by calculated indifference. But your fingers twitched slightly at your sides, a healer's instinct to help warring with your determination to remain distant.

"You're bleeding on Thesan's floor," you observed.

"It's nothing." The room spun again, and Azriel leaned imperceptibly against the desk.

"It's poisoned," you said flatly. "The servants will have to clean up after you. Again."

Those words cut deeper than the physical wound.

Azriel's face remained impassive, centuries of discipline keeping his pain from showing.

But his shadows betrayed him, contracting violently before lashing out at nothing, leaving frost patterns on the nearby window. "I apologize for the inconvenience."

"Don't apologize. Just leave." Your voice was final, brooking no argument. But your eyes darted again to his wound, lingering longer this time.

Azriel inclined his head slightly, accepting the dismissal.

He moved to leave, his shadows wrapped tightly around him like a shield. As he passed you in the doorway, careful not to let even his shadows brush against you again, a wave of dizziness struck. The poison reached his heart in that moment, sending a surge of burning agony through his entire body. He stumbled, one hand bracing against the wall.

For a heartbeat, your hand lifted slightly, an aborted gesture to help him. But you caught yourself, forcing your arm back to your side. Your scent shifted again concern fighting with resolve.

"The book of healing techniques," he said quietly, fighting to remain upright. "The section on poison extraction. Page ninety four."

"I don't need your advice on how to do my job," you replied coolly. But beneath the ice, there was a note of something else a question unasked.

Then he was gone, slipping into the darkness of the corridor, his shadows barely concealing his increasingly unsteady gait. As he rounded the corner, a small leather object dropped, landing silently on the floor. His journal, dislodged when he stumbled.

You watched him go, your expression never changing, your posture rigid and unyielding. Only when he had disappeared completely did you let your shoulders slump slightly, one hand rising to press against your chest where the mating bond pulsed. Only then did your mask slip, pain and conflict washing across your features.

You moved to follow the trail of his blood, something in you unable to let him die, no matter what he'd done. But as you stepped into the hallway, your foot caught on something. Looking down, you saw the small leather bound journal.

You picked it up, intending to leave it on the desk for him to find later.

But it fell open in your hands, revealing page after page of your strange sayings, carefully documented in his precise handwriting. Not just the words themselves, but observations the way your eyes lit up when you said certain phrases, the musical quality of your laugh, the exact pattern of your movements.

It wasn't the journal of a spy. It was the journal of someone who saw you really saw you in a way no one ever had before.

You slipped it into your pocket, your face returning to its mask of indifference as you made a choice. Not forgiveness not yet. But something close to understanding.

Back in his quarters, Azriel collapsed onto his bed, the toll of the night's injuries finally claiming their due. The missing journal was a distant concern as darkness closed in.

His skin burned from within, the poison reaching every extremity now. His shadows swirled helplessly around him, unable to fight an enemy they couldn't touch.

He wondered, as consciousness slipped away, if you would ever look at him truly look at him again. If you would ever ask him about submarines and Houston and all the other mysteries he'd collected like precious gems. If there would be a next gift at all, given the poison now burning through his veins.

The door to his quarters opened, letting in a shaft of perpetual dawn light.

A figure stood silhouetted there, familiar and beloved.

"You're an idiot," came your voice, still cold but now threaded with something else. "And this doesn't mean I forgive you."

His shadows swirled toward you, reaching, yearning, before he could stop them.

"But I won't let you die," you continued, approaching the bed with your healer's kit. "Not like this. Not before you find out what a submarine actually is."

His shadows curled protectively around him as he surrendered to unconsciousness, carrying his final thought like a prayer.

The cruelest part of immortality, he breathed, is knowing I might spend eternity remembering the moment I lost her.

we’ve got trauma, blood, reluctant healing, repressed feelings, and one journal full of submarine-related confusion. no one is okay. especially not me.

Author’s Note:

hi besties! :) welcome back to the emotional battlefield 💕 in this chapter: azriel cries (again), your flame bunnies commit light treason, and the bond is out here acting like a clingy ex with GPS.

please hydrate. scream into a pillow. tell azriel to stop bleeding on things. and remember: just because he’s broody and poetic doesn’t mean you have to forgive him. yet.

do I regret writing this chapter?

yes.

will I do it again?

also yes.

see you next chapter for more romantic pain and possibly an accidental kiss or full emotional collapse. who’s to say. 🫶💀🖤

Taglist: @circe143 @lunarxcity @willowpains @messageforthesmallestman @lreadsstuff @evye47 @lovely-susie @moonfawnx @tele86 @moonlitlavenders @darkbloodsly @ees-chaotic-brain @smol-grandpa @auraofathena @lottiiee413 @minaaminaa8 @claudiab22 @moonbeamruins @shewolf1549 @crimsonandwhiteprincess @a-band-aid-for-your-heart @kathren1sky-blog @alimarie1105 @masbt1218 @topaz125 @falszywe @randomdumsblog @sophia-grace2025 @okaytrashpanda @thegoddessofnothingness @unarxcity @svearehnn @suhke3 @galaxystern08 @ivy-34 @hellsenthero @nayaniasworld @raccoonworld @bobbywobbby @evergreenlark @greenmandm @shinyghosteclipse @catloverandreader @the-onlyy-angie @bunnboosblog @i-like-boooks @ashduv @kayjaywrites @lovelyreaderlovesreading @badbishsblog @vera0124 @i-am-infinite @scatteredstardustt @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @chaotic-luvrs @etsukomoonbeam @justtryingtosurvive02 @dianxiaxiexie @annaaaaa88 @mortqlprojections @quiet-loser @shamelesswolftheorist @vanserrasimp @lovelyflower7777 @probendingwords @allthatisbuck1917 @thejediprincess56 @forvalentineboy @romwyz @plowden @jada-lockwood @traveling-neverland @wanderwithmex @magicaldragonlady @makemeurvillain @justswimm @saltedcoffeescotch @rafeecameronsbitch @sherhd @stainedpomegranatelips @ayohockeycheck @yourdarkrose @taurusvic @illyrianshadow @s-h-e-l-b-e-e @ly--canthrope @star-chaser1 @dormantzzzs

[azziebaddy]

wanna try out some freaky positions?

𓂃۶ৎ pairing: acotar men x reader

𓂃۶ৎ summary: have you ever tried… twitter links?

𓂃۶ৎ warnings: smut, nsfw, 18+

𓂃۶ৎ amara’s note: i attended sabrinas concert stockholm night 2 before my surgery and i just had to honor her💋

RHYSAND

✮ have you ever tried… being punished?

✮ have you ever tried… being fingered to insanity?

✮ have you ever tried… feeding a starving man?

✮ have you ever tried… the ruthless tease?

✮ have you ever tried… the g-spot EXPERTTTT? (yall this is my fav oh em gee)

CASSIAN

✮ have you ever tried… a facial?

✮ have you ever tried… mutual grabby hands?

✮ have you ever tried… edging?

✮ have you ever tried… being pressed into the mattress?

✮ have you ever tried… eating it real good?

ERIS

✮ have you ever tried… begging for him to cum inside?

✮ have you ever tried… cowgirl?

✮ have you ever tried… bicep backshots?

✮ have you ever tried… playing with titties?

✮ have you ever tried… it raw?

LUCIEN

✮ have you ever tried… going for a morning ride?

✮ have you ever tried… a munch?

✮ have you ever tried… a hug?

✮ have you ever tried… slobbin’ on it?

✮ have you ever tried… making out during?

AZRIEL

✮ have you ever tried… the double-back handjob?

✮ have you ever tried… being told you can take it when you complain?

✮ have you ever tried… fucking in his lap?

✮ have you ever tried… a throat goat?

✮ have you ever tried… being completely full?

yay

[azziebaddy]

ovulation

Azriel x reader

kinda a part 2 to this

summary: it's your first time ovulating as a fae and your mate Azriel is more than happy to satiate the need within you

genre: smut!!! | words: 3.7k | masterlist

warnings: pwp (not even a sliver of plot), smut, piv, oral (f receiving), wingplay, creampie, the breeding kink goes hard in this one, slight exhibitionism, cumplay, ovulation (duh)

A/N: Here it is, sorry for the confusion earlier! I have no words to excuse this unhinged piece of filth, except that I'm sorry it's not longer ;) Don't ask me how I came up with it. Maybe this is the last time I'm writing smut, cause honestly? I think I've peaked with this.

Sweat was glistening all over Azriel's torso. The sun caught the droplets at just the right angle. It looked almost like he had a faint glimmer to him as he was sparring with Rhys. His toned abs were a sight for sore eyes, the way they flexed as he put his weight into a punch directed at the high lord. But Rhys was fast and dodged the attack. The males circled one another, waiting for a moment of weakness to strike again.

Had Azriel's back always been so muscular? Did it look like this as well when he wasn't tackling his brother, but instead bending you over and fucking you? Azriel looked so wild, so carefree in the heat of the moment. His big wings unfolded halfway as he landed his first punch in Rhys's face. And you couldn't help the shudder that went through your body at the sight of your mate and thought about how he would –

"...and then he – Y/N, are you even listening to me?" Feyre waved a hand in front of your face to win back your attention.

"What? I mean sure I am". You were perched on a bank, observing your mates sparring. Shirtless. You had no idea who was winning. The only thing you noticed was the way your mate's biceps flexed and how the sun hit his perfectly sculpted chest –

"Hey! You're practically mind-fucking him. What's going on with you? This is so unlike you". A blush crept over your face. But the wetness in your panties only intensified when a breeze hit your nostrils that carried the shadowsinger's scent. And a strange heat settled in your abdomen.

You were already half out of your seat before you realized you had stood up in hopes of clawing the pants off Azriel right there. "Oh Gods, of course", Feyre laughed, "I think you're ovulating". Azriel's head whipped around to you so fast he should've broken his neck. He stared at you, wide eyed and whatever he saw in you had his eyes darkening and a blush appearing at his neck. A moment of weakness Rhys used to hit him square in the face.

The hiss you shot at Rhysand was inhumane, animalistic almost and maybe you would've tried to tackle him, if your mate hadn't immediately stood up again and walked towards you with a grin on his bloody lips and looked so sexy you contemplated having a wagon-load of winged babies.

"Did he hurt you?". You brought your hand up to his face, your fingertips lightly grazing the small wound. Your mate shook his head no and, for some reason, Rhys was chuckling somewhere behind you. Your finger stilled at his upper lip. You took him in now, close up. His dishevelled hair, the sweat mixing with dirt and blood made him so masculine, so attractive your knees nearly buckled.

"You looked so hot fighting like this", you breathed. Rhys wheezed before laughing out loudly. But your mate drew you into a hug and whispered into your ear: "I could smell you all across the training ring". Your hands grasped his arms to stabilize yourself. Your heart hammered inside your chest and the burning desire between your thighs got unbearable.

Azriel turned his head towards the others. "Did you tell her what it would be like? Does she know? I don't want to take advantage of her like this". As if on cue, you moved your hand down his front, down the delicious muscles and to his pants that hid his manhood. And then you brushed over his half-hard length firmly, fumbling to open his pants. Azriel's scarred hands clutched your waist tightly and a small gasp left his lips.

"She does", Feyre was nearly crying from laughing, "besides I think it's her who's taking advantage of you, not the other way around".

"Azzie", you begged, unable to open his pants while he held you so close, "I need you. I love you so much. You're so sexy. And it... it hurts".

Concern etched on his face. "My love, where does it hurt?". Deep inside you, straight at your core.

"I can show you". Somewhere in the back of your mind, you were screaming at yourself to get it together, but it was like all your senses were attuned to him. Like every filter had been removed, when you grabbed his hand and tried to shove it down your own pants while simultaneously tracing the whirls of the tattoo on his chest with your tongue.

"Get a room, for Cauldron's sake", Rhys bellowed and your mate grimaced at your antics.

Azriel grabbed you by your arm, the world turned dark around you and all of a sudden you were in your bedroom, hanging onto Az.

"My mate is so strong and powerful", you grinned. "And so hot and so big". He choked on plain air when you palmed him through his pants again. You whimpered. He was fully hard now, straining against his confines. "So big", you repeated and stroked him through his pants. A growl left Azriel's lips and his lips crashed onto yours in a passionate kiss. Your blood was boiling, clothes too tight on your body and his naked skin drove you insane. Every thought left your brain as you touched every inch of his body you could reach and pulled him to the bed, on top of you without breaking the kiss. You were starving and the only remedy were his lips and his tongue that were just as desperate as your own. Only when you were gasping for air, did Azriel move his kisses down to your neck.

"It hurts, Az"

"I know, baby. I'll take care of you. But you've been a bad girl, my love. Very bad". He panted. Dark tendrils of shadows slipped around your waists and ankles, binding them to the bed.

"First, you smell so delicious you make me lose against Rhys". He pressed a hot kiss to your neck, flicking the delicate skin with his tongue. A loud moan escaped you and you thrashed against the shadows holding you in place. "Then you try to get me to fuck you right in front of my brother". He took truth-teller and cut across your shirt and bra before throwing the knife away and latching onto your now freed hard nipple. It took everything within you to not come undone then and there. "And then you touch me and almost make me cum in my pants even though you want it so much, don't you?" He rolled his hips against yours once, against the powerful bundle of nerves.

"I can't help it", you replied breathlessly, "I – fuck – I need you".

His tongue circled your nipple. "Hmm... use your words. Where do you need me? I'll make you feel better" The shadows snaked up your legs now and smoothly pulled off your pants, leaving only your panties that were so wet the fabric clung to you like a second skin. Azriel kissed all over your breasts. "Here?" You shook your head. His kisses wandered further down, stopping near your bellybutton. "Here?". Vehemently, you shook your head again. "Hmm... where else?", he teased. You wanted to grab him and lead him, but the shadows wouldn't let you. Azriel chuckled softly and his mouth moved down again, agonizingly slowly towards where you needed him most. Your body was ablaze, writhing against the shadows that bound you. At the seam of your panties he stopped, breathing you in. "Gods, you smell divine". A hungry expression grazed his eyes. His nose pressed into your clothed crotch and he inhaled deeply, groaning. Azriel pressed a kiss right there, making you keen. "Do you need me here?".

A shadow caressed your cheek lightly. "Yes, right there". A wicked gleam showed in his eyes. He pressed a kiss to your still clothed sex that had you chasing his touch. You could only see his dark hair when he kissed your thighs, higher and higher, until he reached delicate skin next to your panties, soaked with arousal. By now, you were reduced to a whining mess, the only word leaving your mouth his name. You couldn't see what he was doing, your view obscured by his big wings, but the next moment, air hit your cunt and he had a ripped piece of fabric hanging from his grinning lips. Your heart skipped a beat and you moaned out in delight. Azriel had ripped your panties off with his teeth.

Azriel pressed light kisses to your folds, and then licked through them up to your clit in one slow motion.

"So wet for me". And then he ate you like you were his last meal. With deliberate strokes of his tongue, he gathered your moisture and greedily swallowed it all. His tongue dove into your waiting hole, a hand moved up to grasp your breast and with every lick, your mate's nose hit your clit at just the right angle. He was thrusting against the mattress now, you realized wirh a shudder. It was too much.

"Come on my tongue. Let go for me", he panted between licks. He thrust his tongue deeply inside and you came hard, screaming out his name and fell limp to the mattress. He helped you ride out your orgasm, drinking up every drop of moisture. Waves of pleasure crashed over you, but the pain in your womb hadn't receded. If anything the searing ache had only intensified.

"You're so pretty when you cum". Azriel kissed you softly on your lips and this small affection had you arching up against him again.

"Fuck, Az. I need more of you"

Calloused fingers ghosted against your clit and then slipped downwards, circling your entrance.

"My pretty girl can take another one, can't you? For making a fool out of me infront of Rhys". But he didn't look angry at all with his wide smile and blown out pupils as two fingers slipped inside you and curled against your walls.

The stretch and the textured feeling of his scarred fingers was oh so welcome and you greedily leaned into him, but it just wasn't enough. It just wasn't his rock-hard cock that lay against your thigh now, promising pleasure beyond anything you had ever felt.

You stroked lightly against the shadows binding you to the bed. They purred at your touch, turned soft and pliant. Enough so that they allowed you to move. Without wasting precious time, your hand shot out and stroked his wing, found the big vein right next to the main bone. Azriel shuddered above you and dropped his head onto your chest, his hand stilled within you. Slowly, you traced the vein and then the strong tendons next to it. His wing was limp in your hands, dropping half-opened to the bed and Azriel collapsed on top of you. He groaned deeply into your neck, making your toes curl and you nearly came from the sound alone. He humped against your leg, his cock now so hard it was throbbing through his pants, desperate for any friction. Another light touch of your fingertips against the delicate membrane and he bit your neck softly, growling.

Cold air whipped over your arm and ripped it off his wing, bringing it back to its original position. Azriel shot up and knelt over you and you couldn't help the whine that escaped you at the loss of contact.

"You can play later. For as long as you want", his chest was moving rapidly with his strained breaths, "but not yet"

"I can't help it. I need to feel you and touch you. I need your cock inside me and –"

He ripped his pants off, freeing his hard length that slapped against his abdomen. Its head was an angry shade of red, leaking precum all over. His veins stood out prominently against the soft skin and you swore it pulsed harder the more you looked at it. The ache inside you intensified, saliva pooled in your mouth and you were sure if you didn't get him inside you right now you'd die.

"I wanted to prepare you for me". He was shaking, restraining himself from taking you right then and there. His eyes wandered down to your waiting cunt, clenching and dripping around nothing, and the look on his face became predatory. "Do you think you're ready for me?" It was laughable, the way you thrashed against his shadows, your arousal so evident in the wetness pooling between your thighs and the hunger for his cock. You felt painfully empty, an ache deep inside you that you knew only he could cure.

"Please. Fuck me already. I need you, please", you whined. And the last sliver of your sanity went flying out of the window at your begging.

He was above you again so fast you didn't even see his movement. His hot tip slid through your folds, nudging against your clit in a deliciously devastating way that had you seeing stars. Azriel coated himself in your wetness and then stopped, his tip right at your entrance. You bucked your hips forward in annoyance, but he held you in place firmly.

There was little restraint left in his voice when he asked: "How do you want it?". The big wings at his back were trembling.

What a stupid fucking question. "Hard"

You didn't need to tell him twice. With a fast movement, he entered you and pushed all the way inside in one hard thrust. Azriel's eyes rolled back and you cried out in ecstasy. The way he filled you so completely, stretching you with a delicious burn around his hard length made the need for him even worse.

"So wet and ready for me. You take me so well", he whispered and thrust hard once. You tugged at the shadows again, but they wouldn't budge this time. "Such a needy little princess". Another thrust, hitting a spot that made you see stars. "I love the way you feel around me. Always so perfect". His eyes darkened as he looked down upon your naked body. "Hold on tight". He grabbed one of your legs and spread you wider, allowing him to settle even deeper inside you, taking your breath away. And then he fucked you roughly into the mattress. He set a rough and punishing pace, his hands wrapped so tight around your waist they would leave bruises. His cock hit all the right spots inside you and every thought except for him left your mind.

The moans that escaped you were beyond shameless. Again and again, you tried to arch up into him, but the shadows wouldn't let you. Your eyes met his and the love he put into this look was enough to send you ober the edge, crying out his name.

He stopped inside you without pulling out. "Do you feel better?". All you could register was the hard length still buried inside you up to his balls, throbbing and twitching. You shook your head.

"No? What more does my princess need?". Azriel's mouth latched back onto your breast, sucking and kissing the hardened nub and you felt yourself getting impossibly wetter by the second. "I need – fuck – I need – your – cum", you gasped with each flick of his tongue.

A deep groan sounded from him and it was music in your ears.

"Want me to come inside you? Fill you up with my seed?". He pressed a hand to your abdomen, right were he was nestled inside you and you bucked your hips against him.

"Yes. Please – don't pull out"

Azriel dropped down on you again with almost all his weight. It was pure torture having him so close and not being able to touch him.

"Breed me, Az"

Something inside him snapped at your words. He started moving again, thrusting harder and faster than before. Moans escaped his lips, mingling with your own.

The shadows relaxed their pull around you. You flung your legs around his waist, allowing him to go in even deeper. And your hands shot up straight to his bag, fingers clawing at his hard muscles. Azriel growled deeply into your ear.

"Want me to breed you?"

"Yes", you moaned, nodding frantically. He was almost there, his thrusts grew sloppy and impatient. The throbbing of his cock against your cervix the most beautiful thing you had ever felt.

"See how deep I am?" The fingers of his hand pressed to your abdomen flexed right where a bulge formed with every thrust. All you could do was nod weakly, your eyes rolling back. "Feels so good"

"This cock is yours". Your hands threaded into his hair and pulled him down to your lips. Shadows flew down to your clit and started nipping at it. "My seed is yours", he whispered against your lips.

With a strong twitch, he came inside you, hot ropes of his thick cum spurted out of him, right where you needed it the most. There was a lot of it, warmth spreading deep inside you. He kept moving, his cum squelching obscenely and the feeling of him and his seed right against your womb, the shadows working your clit perfectly, had you convulsing around him in a hard climax.

Azriel buried his face in the crook of your neck. The mating bond between you glowed in a familiar light and you felt the love radiating off him.

"Did I hurt you, baby?", he asked breathlessly.

"No. I loved it". You shuddered. There was semen dripping out of you now and you hated every drop that was wasted.

"Do you feel better?"

He tried to withdraw, but you kept him from escaping by pulling him further in with your legs around his hips.

"Not enough", you complained, out of breath, "need more of you". The burning inside your womb had died down by a fraction, but you weren't satisfied yet. Your body needed more of him, even though you could already feel him softening inside you.

"You're insatiable. Like a desperate little slut, begging for my cock to fill you up".

Azriel's lips found your neck, licking, kissing and biting until you were reduced to a whining mess below him again.

"Wait a bit, I'm not ready to go again"

But you couldn't wait. He let you roll him over onto his back with you sitting astride him. Azriel's hands gripped your hips and there was nothing but love in his gaze. Cum ran out of your cunt and dripped into his short pubic hair, onto his thighs and the sheets. Your pussy pulsed at the sight.

You dipped your fingers into his cum and brought it to your mouth to taste him. The slightly salty aroma made you moan on your fingers. And Gods, he was so sexy below you, his chest still glistening with sweat, the illyrian tattoo and his toned abs, the absolutely fucked-out look on his face. You knew exactly what to do.

Both of your hands found his neatly folded wings. You stroked all over the membranes, unfolded the wings to reach the better hidden spots that he loved the most. And he just let you.

He grew harder inside you by the second. Not long, and you were circling your hips, sliding slowly up and down his cock, slick with arousal and cum.

You got off on the sight of him, completely at your mercy. With each deliberate touch of yours, his wings trembled under your fingertips and his cock throbbed inside you.

"You're so hot like this", you gasped as you rode him slowly, "I want to fuck you until your balls are empty and I'm full of you".

You brushed against the main veins of his wings. A full-body shudder went through him, his gaze turned clear, and the next moment, he had you face down, ass up in the air and entered you from behind, making you scream.

"Fuck, that's better", he groaned, "Didn't I say it's time for wings later?". You only mewled, the new angle bringing a foreign stretch and deep penetration.

You were close to orgasm again

"But my girl needs more of my seed, right? You need to milk me dry?". He underlined his words with a deep roll of his hips and then stilled, his hands at your hips to keep you from bucking your hips back at him.

The words tumbled from your lips like a prayer. "Fuck yes. Please, Az"

With one sharp movement, he started pistoning in and out of you again, his balls slapping rhythmically against your clit.

"You're perfect like this, taking me so well".

His pace was relentless, each thrust shoving you deeper into the pillows.

"Come for me again, love". Azriel's fingers found your clit, rubbing slow circles. Your climax ripped through you with a force that had you screaming his name. You clenched around him trembling.

One more thrust, until he was buried deeply inside you, his tip nestled directly against your cervix, and he found his release with a roar that had the bed shaking. Warmth spread inside you once again, straight to were you needed it.

He pressed a kiss to your back and pulled out of you. A small river of his cum trickled down your thighs. Your pussy felt sore, but the ache was gone and so was the fog in your mind.

Azriel pulled you tightly against him, laying down.

He pressed a kiss to your forehead. "Is it better now?".

A blush crept over your cheeks at the thought of how wanton you had been only minutes ago. The things you had said, for Cauldron's sake. You hoped Rhys and Feyre had at least left the house before you started. There was no way you'd be able to look anyone into the eye again if they'd heard that. Not to mention the embarrassment you felt towards your mate. The way you had begged for his cum.

"Yes. Is it over now?"

A grin settled on his face. "If you're lucky, it'll be over in a few days".

You hid your face in your hands. "A few days? Oh Gods, I'm so sorry for how I behaved. For what I said. That was so –" Embarrassing? Humiliating? Shameful?

"That was really hot", he said softly and took your hands off your face, "that was probably the best sex I've ever had and, judging by the sounds you made –" you wanted to die on the spot "– and how you begged for more, I think you liked it too. Nothing to be ashamed of. It's instinct, you can't control it". A peck on your nose had you smiling again.

"I know, but still". He stared at you, disbelieving. "Okay, fine. I loved it. And it doesn't sound too bad to have you fucking me like that for the next couple of days"

[azziebaddy]

Part 6: The Cost of Rejection

TW: This chapter contains scenes of intense emotional distress, self-inflicted harm, bond-related psychological torment, violence, graphic depictions of injury, and themes of mental instability and feral behavior tied to a magical mating bond. It also includes a choking/strangulation scene.

As always, please read with care. Your well-being always comes first. 💛

Pairing: Azriel x F!Reader

Genre: angst, romcom, humor, fish out of water reader, canon (ish)

Summary: Murdered after a late-night study session in the modern world, you awaken in Prythian—still yourself, but with Fae features and the infamous title of Beron’s cold-hearted and ruthless daughter.

Then, fate snaps the mating bond into place between you and the shadowsinger, Azriel—who rejects it so fiercely, even the magic recoils.

You died a healer. You woke up a villain. Now fate’s mated you to who wants nothing to do with either—you’ll prove them all wrong, one heartbeat at a time.

Between Two Fires - Masterlist

The mating bond had turned Night Court's most controlled warrior into something ancient and feral.

A predator unleashed in a world that had forgotten what true darkness could do.

The Autumn Court palace gleamed copper and crimson in the late afternoon light as Rhysand, Feyre, and Cassian approached the main gates. High Lord and Lady of the Night Court demanding entry while their general flanked them, power barely contained.

Behind them, darkness moved where it shouldn't; Azriel slipping through cracks in Autumn's defenses, less male than living shadow.

His eyes burned with feverish intensity, pupils blown wide and ringed with gold.

Days without sleep. Days of the bond flaying him alive from within.

Blood seeped through his leathers, fresh cuts reopening with each movement.

He'd carved them himself, desperate attempts to distract from the internal agony with external pain.

It hadn't worked.

The bond pulled at him with vicious intensity, a barbed hook beneath his sternum dragging him forward through servant passages and hidden corridors.

Every few steps, his body convulsed with silent spasms that he forced himself to work through, shadows writhing against his skin like living tattoos.

His mind fractured and reformed with each pulse of the bond, memories and present bleeding together.

"You're not the same female I knew."

"But you have caused too much pain."

"I reject you. I dont want anything to do with you."

Azriel slammed his fist into a wall, the crack of bone against stone grounding him momentarily. Blood smeared the ornate wallpaper. The pain rippled up his arm, insignificant compared to the wildfire in his chest.

The family wing appeared before him, the bond pulling him with increasing urgency.

A guard stood at the entrance. Living, breathing, in his way. Azriel didn't slow. His shadows struck first, wrapping around the male's throat before the guard could shout. Azriel followed, Truth-Teller already drawn.

The guard's eyes widened in terror at whatever he saw in Azriel's face. The shadowsinger barely noticed the fear, barely registered driving his forearm into the guard's throat, pinning him against the wall with inhuman strength.

"Where is she?" he asked, voice deathly quiet. The softness of it more terrifying than any shout.

The guard choked, fingers scrabbling uselessly against Azriel's arm. Azriel eased the pressure (just enough to allow speech).

"The Lady's chambers... e-empty," the guard gasped. "She's gone, disappeared days..."

Azriel's vision tunneled to a single point. Gone.

His control, five centuries of discipline, nearly vanished like mist. Truth-Teller hovered a breath away from the guard's chest.

Only a thin thread of restraint—the knowledge that Rhysand needed stealth, needed time—kept him from plunging the blade forward.

Instead, his shadows thickened, wrapping around the guard's consciousness until his eyes rolled back. The male slumped to the floor, still breathing but deeply unconscious.

Azriel stepped over the body without looking back, already following the golden thread pulling him forward.

The door to your chamber materialized before him, carved with flame patterns. The bond thrummed with savage intensity, golden light visible beneath Azriel's skin where his leathers had torn.

Empty.

The silence hit him like a physical blow.

Your scent lingered, but nothing else. Nothing alive. Nothing yours. The bond screamed within him, an animal caught in a trap.

Azriel stumbled forward, legs no longer working properly. His shadows exploded outward in blind rage, shredding curtains, shattering furniture, blackening walls with their fury. The mirror cracked with a sound like splitting ice, fragments raining down.

He crashed to his knees, a feral sound tearing from his throat; not grief, but madness. His hands clawed at his chest, tearing through leather to the golden light pulsing beneath his skin. Blood welled between his fingers.

"Where?" The word barely audible, not a question but a command.

His shadows raced through the room, crawling into corners, seeking, hunting. They returned with fragments. Impressions of fear, of flight, of ash and poison. The crystalline residue of a shattered vial.

The distant scent of Eris.

Something snapped inside him, an essential tether to reason and restraint. The golden light beneath his skin flared brighter, pulsing in time with his erratic heartbeat.

The room darkened as shadows poured from him in torrents, smothering candles, coating the walls in writhing darkness.

Behind him, the door creaked. Azriel spun, Truth-Teller raised before conscious thought.

A servant. Young. Terrified. Linens clutched to her chest.

He was on her in an instant, blade at her throat, shadows wrapping around her limbs like serpents. Her fear registered dimly, meaningless compared to the inferno raging through his chest.

"Where?" The single word delivered with such cold precision that it seemed to drop the temperature of the room.

His face remained expressionless, which somehow made the madness in his eyes more terrifying.

She trembled, tears streaming down her face. "I d-don't... High Lord Beron said..."

The mention of Beron's name cracked something further inside him. His shadows constricted around the maid involuntarily, drawing a whimper of pain.

"Who took her?" His voice remained low, controlled, at odds with the chaos of his shadows.

"No one t-took her," the maid sobbed. "She fled. To the south... the b-border..."

The bond convulsed inside him, a spasm so violent it bent him double. The blade faltered, dropping from his hand as he released the maid. She scrambled away, forgotten as Azriel collapsed to all fours, golden light seeping from between his lips like blood.

South. Border. Fled.

His mind caught on the words, turning them over and over.

Fled. From him. From the court. From the bond.

A sound escaped him, a laugh or sob, impossible to tell. His shadows surged around him in chaotic patterns, reflecting the fracturing of his mind.

In that dark corner of his consciousness, Rhysand's voice cut through. Az. Status.

Azriel couldn't form words anymore, could only send back impressions. Empty. Gone.

Come to the Great Hall. Now. Rhysand's mental voice held the edge of command, the High Lord calling his shadowsinger to heel.

Azriel rose unsteadily, his movements jerky and uncoordinated. The bond tugged southward, a hook in his chest that made each step away from it agony.

The Great Hall of the Autumn Court blazed with light and tension. Beron sat upon his flame-wreathed throne, fire dancing along his fingertips.

Eris stood beside him, carefully neutral as he watched the Night Court delegation.

"Your presence is unwelcome, Rhysand," Beron was saying. "State your business and then remove yourselves from my court."

Rhysand lounged with practiced arrogance. "We come on a matter of mutual concern. One that affects the stability of both our courts."

Feyre sat beside him, power simmering beneath her calm exterior. Cassian remained standing, hand on his sword hilt, his eyes constantly scanning the room.

"Nothing concerns our courts mutually," Beron snapped, flames leaping higher. "Unless you've come to finally acknowledge your shadowsinger's inappropriate fixation on my daughter."

"A mating bond is the Cauldron's will," Feyre replied, voice like silk over steel. "Not a matter of propriety."

"The Made High Lady speaks of traditions she barely understands," Beron sneered. "The bond was rejected. The matter is closed."

"And yet," Rhysand said, "your daughter has vanished. Curious timing."

The hall plunged into sudden, smothering darkness as the shadows thickened unnaturally.

Torches extinguished, flames dying with soft hisses. Guards shouted in alarm.

Azriel materialized from the darkness, but not as they knew him.

His wings hung at wrong angles. Blood painted abstract patterns across his fighting leathers. His face was a death mask; skin stretched too tight across cheekbones, eyes sunken and feverish. Golden light pulsed beneath his skin in erratic patterns, visible through tears in his clothing, shining from within his mouth when he spoke.

"Where is she?" The question came as a whisper that somehow carried through the entire hall. Low, controlled, and all the more terrifying for its restraint.

His shadows weren't just around him anymore; they were him, extensions of limbs and wings, curling in patterns that hurt the eye to follow.

Beron rose from his throne, flames surging defensively. "What madness is this?" he demanded, though his voice wavered slightly. "How dare you bring this... abomination into my court?"

Eris stepped forward, eyes narrowed as he assessed Azriel. "The mating bond has taken him," he observed quietly. "He's gone feral."

Rhysand moved swiftly to Azriel's side, power unfurling. "Az," he said firmly. "Control it."

Azriel didn't look at him. His gaze remained fixed on Beron, on Eris. On the ones who might know. His hands trembled violently, Truth-Teller clutched so tightly the hilt was cutting into his palm.

"She is no longer in the Autumn Court," Eris said carefully. "Her whereabouts are not our concern."

"Lies." The word fell into the room like a dropped stone, simple and cold. Shadows exploded from Azriel in a shockwave that knocked guards from their feet and cracked pillars. Furniture splintered. A chandelier crashed to the floor in a spray of crystal and flame.

Cassian lunged forward, grabbing Azriel's arm. "Az, stand down!"

Azriel turned on him with terrifying speed, Truth-Teller raised. Cassian caught his wrist, red siphons flaring to contain the shadows.

"Look at me," Cassian commanded. "Look at me, brother."

For a heartbeat, recognition flickered in Azriel's fever-bright eyes. Then the bond spasmed again, and he doubled over, body shaking violently as if something was tearing him apart from within.

"ENOUGH!" Beron shouted, flames racing across the floor toward the Night Court delegation. "This is an act of war, Rhysand! Your dog has gone rabid!"

"He is not himself," Rhysand replied, power rising to counter the flames. "The mating bond-"

"Is his own doing," Beron snarled. "He rejected it. Let him suffer the consequences."

The words hit Azriel like physical blows.

His rejection. His choice. His fault.

With a sound like tearing metal, Azriel broke free from Cassian's hold. His shadows became solid, driving Cassian back as Azriel lunged toward the throne.

"Where. Is. She." The declaration was so softly spoken it was almost tender, which made it infinitely more disturbing. Truth-Teller aimed at Beron's throat, the blade steady despite the tremors wracking the rest of his body.

Guards surged forward. Feyre's power erupted in a shield of starlight. Rhysand moved with blinding speed, catching Azriel around the waist as chaos erupted.

"She fled," Eris said, voice cutting through the mayhem. "She chose to leave. She rejected you as surely as you rejected her."

The words landed like hammer blows on shattered glass. Azriel's knees buckled, shadows coiling around him in protective spirals. The golden light beneath his skin flared bright enough to cast harsh shadows across his face, revealing tears of blood tracking down his cheeks.

"She is gone," Beron said, cruel satisfaction in his voice. "And you drove her away, shadowsinger. Your madness. Your rejection. This is the Cauldron's punishment."

Azriel's body shook so violently that Rhysand had to tighten his grip to keep him upright. No sound escaped the shadowsinger's lips, but his shadows surged outward in silent agony, engulfing the hall in darkness. Guards stumbled back, some falling to their knees as the shadows touched them.

Rhysand's power surged in response, stars piercing the unnatural night. "Azriel!" His voice carried the full weight of High Lord command. "ENOUGH."

The command froze Azriel momentarily, just long enough for Rhysand's power to wrap around him like a cocoon. Feyre and Cassian moved to Rhysand's side, adding their strength to his.

"We're leaving," Rhysand announced to Beron, the words clipped and final. "This audience is concluded."

"Take your rabid dog and go," Beron spat, flames illuminating his fury. "And know that any return to my lands will be met with lethal force."

Eris remained unnervingly calm, his eyes never leaving Azriel. "The bond will kill him," he observed clinically. "Unless he finds her."

"This isn't over." Azriel's words were barely audible, yet they carried the weight of an unbreakable vow. Truth-Teller still gripped in shaking hands as Rhysand's power contained him.

"It was over the moment you rejected what was yours," Eris replied. "Some prices cannot be undone, shadowsinger."

Rhysand's winnowing magic swept around them, tearing them from the Autumn Court in a rush of wind and darkness. The last image was Beron's face, contorted with triumph and rage, and Eris, watching with those calculating amber eyes that knew more than he revealed.

They materialized at the border of Night and Autumn territories, twilight sky bleeding purple and indigo above them.

The moment Rhysand's power released him, Azriel crumpled to the ground as if his bones had turned to water.

His wings splayed at unnatural angles, one arching too high, its joint visibly swollen and throbbing, the other dragging in the dirt, twitching involuntarily with each pulse of the bond.

Blood trickled from beneath his leathers, following the path of scars both ancient and fresh.

His eyes were bloodshot, the whites laced with crimson threads. Veins beneath his skin glowed faintly gold, pulsing like fever-lines up his throat and across his temples.

His breathing came in short, stuttering gasps, like each inhale was being stolen from him.

Like the air itself was rejecting him.

No sound escaped his lips as he curled in on himself, fingers digging into the earth, leaving furrows in the soil. The carefully constructed walls—five centuries of discipline and control—dissolved into dust.

Feyre was beside him in an instant, gathering his shaking form against her.

Her arms encircled him, not as High Lady to shadowsinger, but as family to family. His shadows clung to her like frightened children, but she didn't flinch. Darkness met darkness, and still she held him.

"She left," he whispered, the words barely audible. "She left. She left me. She left me."

His voice broke on the last words, tears cutting clean tracks through the blood and grime on his face. His body convulsed with silent sobs, each one threatening to tear him apart from within.

"I should've... I should've stopped her," he gasped, the words emerging between desperate attempts to breathe. Each inhale seemed to cause him physical pain, the bond constricting his lungs from inside. "I felt it... I felt her slipping..."

His hand reached out, grasping at empty air, then flinched as if burned when his fingers found nothing but wind.

Cassian stood motionless, face drained of color.

He had seen Azriel gut a man without blinking. Had watched him interrogate enemies with mechanical precision. But this? This was something else. Something unholy. The most controlled male he knew, unraveling thread by bloody thread before his eyes.

"Mother above," he breathed, the words a prayer.

Rhysand's power curled protectively around them all, but even he couldn't hide the fear in his eyes. Five hundred years of brotherhood, and he had never seen Azriel like this; had never thought it possible.

"She didn't just leave me," Azriel whispered, his gaze fixed on something none of them could see. "She left the bond. She left everything. How could she... how could she breathe through that?"

Feyre's power curled around him, not to heal, but to hold the pieces together until he could. "I'm here," she murmured, a steady anchor in the storm. "I've got you, Az."

He tried to rise, body moving before his mind caught up. The bond pulled him like a marionette with strings made of agony, dragging him toward the southern horizon. He staggered, would have fallen if not for Feyre's steady arms.

Cassian watched as Azriel's shadows twisted in patterns that reflected his internal torment. "What do we do? We can't force her to accept him."

"No," Rhysand agreed. "But we can find her. At least give him the chance to see her again."

Azriel's body continued to shake, but the wild desperation in his eyes shifted to something else—something cold and focused and deadly.

"South," he managed, each word precise despite the cost. "Border estate."

"We'll find her," Feyre promised, her power wrapping more firmly around his trembling form. "But first, you need to breathe. Just breathe, Az."

Azriel shook his head, the movement jerky and pained. "Can't breathe," he rasped. "It won't let me. Pulls and pulls and..." His words dissolved as another spasm of pain contorted his features.

With sudden, desperate strength, he gripped Rhysand's forearm.

"Please," he begged, the word raw and broken. "Now. Take me to her now." Tears leaked from his eyes, "I'll die if..." He couldn't finish, another wave of pain stealing his breath.

Rhysand knelt beside them, his face set with the cold, implacable resolve of a High Lord. "You'll die if we don't get you to a healer first," he said, voice brooking no argument. "And I will not lose you, brother."

"She's-" Azriel tried again, shadows thinning to wisps as his strength failed him.

"The moment you're stable," Rhysand promised, "we fly south. I swear it on the Cauldron."

Cassian joined them, completing the circle around their fallen brother. "All of us," he agreed, voice rough with emotion he rarely showed. "No one gets left behind."

Azriel's face contorted with a war of emotions—desperation to find you, the physical agony of the bond, the fear that delay meant losing you forever. His entire body trembled with the effort to resist the pull southward.

"She won't want me," he whispered, a confession torn from his soul. "She ran. She ran from me."

"Then we'll face that together too," Feyre said gently, wiping a tear from his cheek. "But we can't lose you, Az."

Something in her words seemed to reach him. His shoulders slumped, not in defeat but in exhaustion, in the bone-deep understanding that he couldn't fight this battle alone.

"Velaris," Rhysand said, gathering his power around them all. "Hold onto him."

As the darkness of winnowing enveloped them, Azriel's shadows stretched southward in one last, desperate reach—toward you, toward what was lost, toward what might never be reclaimed.

His eyes, more gold than hazel now, closed as the bond pulsed beneath his skin in weakening waves. The last thing he whispered before consciousness fled him was your name, a prayer, a promise, a plea.

Then the night swallowed them whole, carrying them home to Velaris.

As the last light faded from the sky, Azriel's shadows stretched southward, seeking, hunting, following the golden thread that bound him to you, whether that path led to salvation or destruction remained to be seen.

A week at Lucien's border estate had taught you several important things.

First, the ash tea worked wonders for muting the bond's pain, but did absolutely nothing for boredom.

Second, Lucien's definition of "stocked kitchen" meant an alarming quantity of expensive wine and virtually nothing edible.

Third, fire bunnies should never, under any circumstances, be allowed near curtains, pillows, or anything remotely flammable (which, unfortunately, was everything).

"I'm making breakfast," you announced, padding barefoot into the sunlit kitchen where Lucien sat nursing a mug of something steaming.

You tripped slightly over a rug edge but caught yourself with as much dignity as you could muster. "Real breakfast. Not whatever sad excuse for food you've been surviving on."

Lucien glanced up from the letter he was reading, metal eye whirring softly as it focused on you. The mechanical click-whir always reminded you of a tiny camera shutter. "There's bread."

"Bread is not breakfast," you replied, already rummaging through his sparse cupboards, accidentally knocking over several empty containers in the process. "It's an ingredient in breakfast. Like... a supporting character. Important, but not the star."

Ember and Sizzle hopped excitedly at your feet, their tiny flame ears perked with anticipation. You'd quickly discovered they had excellent food radar.

For creatures made of fire, they had remarkable enthusiasm for eating. Also for causing chaos, but mostly eating.

"Do you actually know how to cook?" Lucien asked, one eyebrow arched skeptically.

You paused, a dusty jar of what might have been preserves (or possibly very old paint) in your hand.

The truth was complicated.

In your previous life as a human, you'd been decent enough in the kitchen. But your body's current owner, had probably never even seen an uncooked egg.

"How hard can it be?" you replied breezily, blowing a strand of hair from your face. "Heat plus food equals meal. I'm basically just doing math with fire."

Lucien's lips twitched. "Says the female who set three towels on fire yesterday."

"That was Sizzle's fault," you protested, as the bunny in question hopped onto the counter and began sniffing at a bowl of fruit with suspicious intensity. "And I put them out very quickly."

"With wine."

"It worked, didn't it?" You fumbled with a spoon, sending it clattering across the counter. "And the towels weren't that important. They clashed with your decor anyway."

Lucien set his letter aside, leaning back in his chair to watch the impending disaster with barely concealed amusement. "By all means, continue. I haven't had entertainment this good in decades."

You huffed dramatically, pulling out the few ingredients you could find—eggs, some questionable-looking herbs that might actually be weeds, cheese that was thankfully still edible, and the aforementioned bread.

"I'm making..." you paused, assessing your options while trying to look confident, "a frittata."

"A what?" Lucien's brow furrowed in confusion.

"It's a... fancy egg thing." You waved your hand vaguely, accidentally knocking over a salt cellar. "Trust me. It's going to be amazing. Or at least edible. Probably."

Ember, clearly sensing an opportunity for chaos, leapt onto the counter beside Sizzle. Between them, they managed to nudge an apple off the edge, sending it rolling across the floor. You lunged for it, missed completely, and nearly face-planted into a cabinet.

"Your therapy animals are stealing my breakfast," Lucien observed dryly.

"They're helping," you insisted, straightening with as much dignity as possible.

Lucien snorted. "Is that what we're calling it?"

You cracked eggs into a bowl with more confidence than skill, several bits of shell following the yolks. You poked at them ineffectually with a finger, trying to fish them out. "Extra calcium," you muttered.

As you reached for a fork to beat them, you felt the bond pulse uncomfortably.

Even with the ash tea's dampening effects, certain movements still triggered sharp reminders of what lay beneath your skin, waiting to consume you again.

You must have winced, because Lucien was suddenly beside you, his movements silent and graceful.

"Here," he said, taking the bowl. "Let me."

"I'm fine," you insisted, though you let him take over. "The tea works. Mostly. Sometimes. When it feels like it."

"Most of the time," he agreed, beating the eggs with practiced ease.

The sight of the feared son of the Autumn Court whisking eggs was incongruous enough to make you smile. "Where did you learn to cook?"

A shadow crossed his face. "After Tamlin's... difficulties, staff was limited. I adapted."

"You're full of surprises, brother dear. Next you'll tell me you can knit or something." You peered at him suspiciously. "Wait, can you knit? Because I'd pay good money to see that."

The endearment slipped out without thought.

Lucien's hands stilled for just a heartbeat before resuming their work. You'd noticed he had a complicated relationship with the word "brother," perhaps because his blood brothers had tried to kill him, or perhaps because the one he'd chosen had betrayed him.

"Someone in this house needs practical skills," he replied lightly. "Particularly when sharing space with three fire hazards."

"Three?" You looked around in confusion.

His mismatched eyes met yours, amusement dancing in them. "I'm counting you."

Before you could formulate a suitably indignant response (which was definitely going to be brilliant and cutting, given enough time), Sizzle chose that moment to sneeze. A tiny fireball shot across the kitchen, singeing the edge of Lucien's sleeve.

"Cauldron boil me," he muttered, patting out the spark.

You couldn't help it. You burst out laughing, the sound so unexpected it startled you.

When was the last time you'd laughed? Before the bond. Before Azriel's rejection. Before the pain.

Lucien stared at you for a moment before his own lips curved upward. "You find my immolation amusing?"

"Your..." You gestured to his perfect posture, immaculate clothing, and general air of deadly competence. "Your dignified outrage. Over a bunny sneeze." You demonstrated, mimicking his affronted expression with exaggerated horror. "It's like watching a war general get taken down by a kitten."

He tilted his head, considering. "They're not actually rabbits, you know. They're flame sprites who just happen to take bunny form."

You blinked. "Wait, really?"

You looked down at Ember, who chose that moment to scratch behind his ear with his back foot in a quintessential rabbit move. "Have I been patronizing powerful supernatural entities this whole time?"

Lucien's face remained serious for precisely three seconds before cracking. "No. They're just magical rabbits who happen to be on fire."

You grabbed a handful of herbs and threw them at him. "You're terrible! I was ready to start a flame sprite worship cult!"

He dodged easily, grinning now. "And you're gullible."

"I am not..." You searched for words. "Okay, I am, but in my defense, nothing makes sense here. Last week I saw a bird with twelve wings and the face of an old man. A flaming rabbit isn't even in the top ten weird things."

Your protest was cut short as Ember, apparently jealous of the attention Sizzle had received, decided to hop directly into the bowl of beaten eggs.

Lucien lunged to catch him, but too late. The bowl tipped, sending its contents cascading down the front of his fine shirt.

Silence fell, broken only by Ember's pleased chirping.

Lucien looked down at his ruined clothing, then back at you, his expression so perfectly affronted that you couldn't contain another burst of laughter.

"Oh gods," you gasped between giggles. "Your face! It's like someone told you the Spring Court has better fashion sense."

"If you value your continued existence," he said with deadly calm, "you will stop laughing immediately."

This, of course, only made you laugh harder, clutching the counter for support. The bond in your chest gave a peculiar flutter, not pain this time, but something lighter, as if amused by the absurdity alongside you.

With deliberate slowness, Lucien reached for the remaining eggs on the counter. "You realize," he said conversationally, "this means war."

Your eyes widened. "You wouldn't dare. You're a dignified... um, whatever you are. Diplomat? Spy? Professional brooder?"

His metal eye clicked and whirred as he raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't I?"

The kitchen erupted into chaos. Eggs flew. Flour from some forgotten cupboard clouded the air.

You shrieked and ducked, accidentally upending a canister of what turned out to be cinnamon. The fire bunnies, delighted by this new game, bounced between you, leaving tiny scorch marks on everything they touched.

When Eris found you an hour later, you were both sitting on the kitchen floor, covered in food, surrounded by ecstatic fire bunnies, and laughing so hard you could barely breathe. You had a streak of flour across your nose and what appeared to be egg yolk in your hair.

He paused in the doorway, amber eyes taking in the disaster before him.

"I leave for three days," he said with exquisite disdain, "and return to... this."

Lucien didn't bother standing, just lifted his egg-crusted chin with mock dignity. "We were cooking."

"Clearly," Eris replied, stepping carefully over a puddle of what might have been honey. "I see it's going exceptionally well."

You exchanged a glance with Lucien, a silent communication passing between you.

The bond in your chest hummed quietly, for once not a source of agony but simply there.

A part of you. Manageable.

"Actually," you said, smiling at your eldest brother as egg dripped from your elbow, "it is."

The kitchen was still a disaster zone, but you'd at least managed to clean yourselves up. Mostly.

There was still something sticky in your hair that refused to be identified. Lucien had changed into a simple linen shirt, more casual than you'd ever seen him, while you'd washed the worst of the egg from your person.

Eris paced the length of the sitting room, his movements controlled and precise. Too precise.

You'd learned that Eris at his most controlled was Eris at his most dangerous. Like a snake coiling before it strikes, or a wine bottle about to be uncorked after being violently shaken.

"The Night Court came to Autumn yesterday," he said without preamble, his amber eyes fixing on yours. "Not as guests. As intruders."

The bond in your chest gave a sharp pulse, golden light briefly visible beneath the skin of your wrist before the ash tea smothered it again.

You curled your fingers into your palm, trying to mask the reaction.

"Why?" Lucien asked, leaning against the doorframe, his posture deliberately casual though his hand strayed near his knife.

"For her," Eris replied, nodding in your direction. His lips curved in a cold smile. "Your shadowsinger appears to be experiencing complications."

The words dropped into the room like stones into still water.

You kept your face carefully blank, even as your pulse quickened.

"Explain," you said, proud of how steady your voice remained.

Eris studied your face, as if searching for something specific. "They arrived openly at the gates. The High Lord and Lady, plus the general. Very diplomatic. Very proper." His eyes glittered. "While the shadowsinger slipped into the palace like a thief, incapacitated guards, and tore through the family wing straight to your chambers."

You found yourself oddly still, like a prey animal sensing a predator. "And?" You fiddled with a loose thread on your sleeve to keep your hands from shaking.

"When he found your chambers empty, he nearly brought the ceiling down." Eris's expression was calculating, weighing each word for its impact on you. "It took all three of them to contain him. A display of power that..." he paused, something like reluctant respect in his voice, "was impressive, even by their standards."

"So what you're saying is," you said, trying to keep your voice light, "I should definitely send him a bill for the damages."

Lucien shot you a warning glance, but Eris merely continued, ignoring your attempt at humor.

"And you stood with Beron?" Lucien asked, his eyebrow raised.

"I stood where I needed to," Eris replied coldly. "As I always do."

You pushed away from the table, needing to move, to process.

The bond pulsed steadily beneath the ash tea's numbing effects, neither painful nor pleasant, just there. A reminder of what had been forced upon you, like an annoying song stuck in your head, but with more existential dread.

"You need to leave," Eris continued. "Tonight. The bond is a beacon, ash tea or no. It's only a matter of time before the shadowsinger traces it to this place, and I doubt he'll be in a reasoning mood when he does."

"Leave and go where?" Lucien asked, his metal eye whirring softly as he studied his brother. "She's barely mastered not setting the bath towels on fire."

You shot him a betrayed look. "That was one time!"

"Three times," he corrected.

Eris's expression suggested he was reconsidering his entire plan. "The Dawn Court," he finally replied. "Thesan owes me a favor, and it's the last place they'd look. The shadowsinger's abilities are weakened in constant light."

You looked between them, these brothers with centuries of mistrust and shared secrets between them.

"And why would you help me get there? Not that I'm doubting your generosity," you added hastily, "but you don't seem like the helping type. More the 'watching people struggle while sipping wine' type."

Eris's expression remained unreadable.

"Because Beron is calling their intrusion an act of war. Because he's looking for someone to blame for all this." Something almost like genuine emotion flashed across his face. "And because I've seen what bond-madness does. To both parties."

Ember materialized in a tiny burst of flame beside your hand, his warm form coalescing from your own power. Sizzle appeared moments later, hopping across the table as if she'd been there all along.

These extensions of your fire magic (not pets, but manifestations of your ability to create and sustain life from flame) had become such a natural part of you that you barely noticed the small flare of power it took to maintain them.

Eris watched the bunnies with narrowed eyes. "You'll need to keep those under control in Dawn. They won't blend well with Thesan's menagerie of light beasts."

You ran a finger along Ember's spine, feeling the connection to your own magic. "They're a part of me. Like really adorable, flammable emotional support animals."

"Then contain them," Eris said simply. "I've arranged passage through a series of winnowing points. Thesan's sentries will meet you at the eastern border." His eyes met yours, sharp and knowing. "Unless... you want the shadowsinger to find you?"

The question hung in the air between you.

You considered it, truly considered it.

This bond you never asked for, with a male who had made clear what he thought of it. Of you.

You almost made a joke about how terrible his communication skills were, but something in Eris's expression stopped you.

But this wasn't just about Azriel anymore. This was about you. About finding space to breathe, to think, to be something other than a pawn in games between High Lords.

"I'll go," you said, the decision crystallizing within you like frost on glass. "But not because I'm running from him."

Eris raised an eyebrow. "No?"

"No." You let a small flame dance across your fingertips, trying not to look too pleased when it didn't immediately get out of control. Ember and Sizzle chirped in harmony with the display. "I'm choosing myself this time."

Something that might have been respect flickered across Eris's face before it vanished beneath his usual cold mask. "Be ready at midnight. Bring only what you can carry."

After Eris had gone, Lucien moved to sit beside you. "You don't have to go," he said.

You glanced at him, surprised. "You think I should stay?"

"I think choosing yourself is the right decision," he replied, his scarred face solemn in the fading light. "But you don't have to do it alone."

You stared at him. "What are you saying?"

Lucien's mismatched eyes met yours, something resolute in them. "I'm saying I'll go with you. To the Dawn Court."

"What about your estate? Your position?" What about Elain? hung unspoken between you.

"This estate is just a pretty prison Beron lets me keep." He shrugged, the gesture attempting casualness but not quite succeeding. "And as for positions... well. Neither of us seems to fit where we're supposed to be, do we?"

You leaned your head against his shoulder, this brother who had become something like a friend in the strangest of circumstances. "They'll come after us. Both courts."

"Not in Dawn," Lucien said confidently. "Not even Rhysand would risk offending Thesan by barging into his territory uninvited. And Beron has never had good relations with the Dawn Court, too many centuries of mutual distrust."

Ember and Sizzle hopped between you, tiny flames dancing along their ears in excitement or perhaps resonating with your own feelings. As manifestations of your power, they often reflected emotions you hadn't even acknowledged to yourself.

"I need to pack," you said finally.

With a thought, you called the bunnies back to you, their forms dissolving into twin flames that curled around your fingers before vanishing beneath your skin.

It would take concentration to hold them there, but it was good practice for the Dawn Court where your fire creatures would be immediately recognized as Autumn Court magic.

Lucien nodded, something like admiration in his eyes at the display of control. "We leave at midnight, then."

For the first time since arriving in Prythian, you were writing your own story. And hopefully it wouldn't involve setting too many things on fire. Intentionally, anyway.

Madja completed the final healing seal over the last of his wounds, the golden light fading from her fingertips as she stepped back from the bed.

"You need rest," she said firmly, her ancient eyes seeing more than Azriel wanted to reveal. "At least three days. The bond-sickness has ravaged your system."

Azriel said nothing, lying perfectly still until the healer gathered her supplies and left his chambers in the House of Wind. The moment the door clicked shut, he was moving.

His body screamed in protest as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Wounds—both those he'd inflicted on himself and those sustained in the Autumn Court—pulled tight beneath fresh scars.

The bond pulsed steadily in his chest, calling to him with a voice that drowned out all reason, all duty, all previous attachments.

Not a tether. Not a chain. A lifeline.

His shadows, which had been suspiciously docile during the healing, erupted around him the moment he stood, dancing with renewed vigor.

They whispered to him in languages older than Prythian itself, but for once, they weren't telling him secrets of others. They were telling him his own truth.

She is yours. You are hers. Two halves finally finding wholeness.

How strange that he had spent centuries believing his shadows knew everything, only to realize they had been waiting all this time to tell him the one thing that mattered.

You.

He moved to the wardrobe, each step more steady than the last as certainty replaced pain. He dressed methodically in fighting leathers, his movements reverent, like a priest preparing for sacred rites.

Truth-Teller slid into its sheath at his hip, the blade singing softly in greeting.

For centuries, he had believed the knife's name referred to its function—to extract truth from others.

Now he understood it had always been about confronting his own.

The bond guided his hands as he prepared. This wasn't madness anymore. This was clarity.

He moved to the window, which opened onto a sheer drop from the House of Wind. Velaris spread below him, a city he had helped protect, helped build.

A home he had always served faithfully.

Until now.

His shadows surged forward, testing the night air, then returned with confirmation—Autumn's southern border. A hidden estate where you waited, whether you knew it or not.

Azriel unfurled his wings, feeling a strength in them he hadn't felt in centuries. As if the bond had stripped away not just his delusions but the weight of five hundred years of isolation. Of believing he was meant to stand apart, to watch others find happiness while he remained in shadow.

The Cauldron, in its twisted wisdom, had given him the one thing he never believed he deserved.

A soft knock at the door broke through his revelry. Before he could respond, it opened to reveal Elain standing in the doorway, a small basket of healing herbs in her hands.

"Madja asked me to bring these for your-" Her words faltered as she took in his appearance: not a healing invalid, but a warrior prepared for flight. "You're leaving."

Azriel turned to face her fully, allowing his shadows to recede.

For so long, he had believed himself in love with her, this gentle, quiet female who represented everything he thought he should want.

Safety. Comfort. Normalcy.

Looking at her now, he felt only a distant fondness, like remembering a dream upon waking.

The bond had burned away the illusion, leaving only truth behind.

"I'm sorry, Elain," he said, his voice steady with newfound conviction.

She set the basket down slowly. "For what?"

"For not understanding until now." His gaze met hers directly, no more hiding, no more half-truths. "I thought I loved you because you were safe. Because wanting you was less terrifying than facing what I truly needed."

The golden light beneath his skin pulsed brighter, illuminating the darkness between them. Not hiding anything anymore.

"It's her," Elain said softly. Not a question.

"It's always been her," Azriel replied, the truth of it resonating through his entire being. "I just didn't know it until the bond showed me." His voice softened. "She was made for me. Every broken piece of me fits with every broken piece of her."

Saying the words aloud felt like setting down a burden he'd carried his entire life: the belief that he was too damaged, too dark, too scarred for real connection.

Elain's eyes shimmered with tears, but something like understanding flickered in their depths. "The seer in me sensed it, I think. That's why I always kept my distance, even when you..." She didn't finish the thought.

"Even when I tried to convince us both otherwise," he completed gently.

The bond surged beneath his skin, impatient now, reminding him that every moment spent here was a moment away from you. His wings twitched in response, readying for flight.

"She's with Lucien," Elain said softly.

At the mention of Lucien's name, Azriel felt a strange calm knowing you're with one of your brothers.

"I know. Ironic, isn't it?" A faint, sad smile touched his lips. "The Cauldron has a twisted sense of humor."

"What will you do?"

"Whatever I must," he answered simply. "She is mine as I am hers. Even if she doesn't know it yet."

Elain studied him, seeing perhaps more clearly than anyone else ever had. "You've changed."

"I've awakened," he corrected gently. "Everything before her was a half-life. A shadow existence."

Understanding passed between them, a final acknowledgment of what might have been and what never truly was. Elain nodded once, acceptance in the gesture.

"Cassian went to find Rhys," she said. "They'll try to stop you."

"I know."

"Go," she whispered. "Find your completion."

Azriel held her gaze for one final moment, gratitude in his eyes for this unexpected blessing. Then he stepped backward off the ledge, wings snapping open to catch the night air.

As he banked sharply southward, shadows streaming behind him like wedding ribbons, he felt the bond singing through his blood.

Not the desperate, painful tug of before, but a joyful, certain pull—like coming home after a war, like finding shelter after a storm.

Like a soul finally recognizing its other half.

He flew toward you with the absolute certainty that whatever happened next—whether you accepted him or not, whether you fled or fought—this was the truth his entire existence had been building toward. You were made for him, as he was made for you, two pieces of the same impossible puzzle.

And nothing in Prythian would keep him from you again.

"Are you certain we can't bring any of Eris's wine?" You folded another tunic into your travel pack, trying to keep your movements casual despite the excitement thrumming through you.

Dawn Court. Freedom. Or at least something resembling it.

Lucien leaned against the doorframe, his metal eye whirring as it tracked your movements. "We're fugitives, not thieves."

"Says the male who packed sixteen of Eris's daggers," you countered, nodding toward the impressive array of weapons laid out on the bed.

"Those are technically mine. He stole them first."

You grinned, about to respond when the bond gave a sudden, violent pulse beneath your skin. It flared for a moment before the ash tea suppressed it again, but the urgency in the sensation was new. Different.

"What is it?" Lucien asked, noticing your expression change.

"Nothing," you said automatically, pressing a hand to your chest. "Just the bond... acting strange."

Lucien frowned, his hand dropping to the knife at his hip, a gesture so automatic he probably didn't realize he'd done it. "Strange how?"

Before you could answer, Ember and Sizzle materialized beside you, their tiny bodies coalescing from flame without your conscious summons. They weren't playful or curious as usual; their ears were flattened, bodies crouched low in alarm.

"That's... not normal," Lucien observed, pushing away from the doorframe.

A crash from downstairs shattered the moment—glass breaking, wood splintering. Voices, unfamiliar and angry, shouted commands to each other.

"Find her! The Lady owes us blood!"

Your eyes widened. "What in the hell-"

Lucien was already moving, grabbing your pack with one hand and your arm with the other. "Back exit. Now."

You stumbled after him, mind racing. "Who would-"

"Later," he hissed, pulling you toward the servant's stairs at the back of the hall.

You'd barely taken three steps when a figure appeared at the top of the main staircase—a male Fae with skin that resembled bark and branches twisting from his scalp like antlers. His eyes glowed an eerie green as his lips pulled back to reveal thorn-sharp teeth. "There she is! The bitch who betrayed our grove to the Summer Court hunters!"

You blinked in confusion. "Excuse me?"

Another crash downstairs, and more voices joined the first. Lucien swore under his breath, yanking you toward the stairs.

Lucien propelled you down the narrow stairs, his movements efficient and practiced. "Apparently," he said between breaths, "You had quite the talent for making enemies."

"Oh." Wonderful.

Not only were you trapped in a Fae body, bonded to a shadowsinger, and hiding from multiple courts, but now you were being hunted for someone else's crimes. Perfect.

You reached the bottom of the stairs only to find your escape route blocked by two more intruders—females with skin like polished stone and vines twisting through their hair, wielding wickedly curved daggers of bone.

"There's nowhere to run, traitor," one hissed, her voice like leaves rustling in wind.

Lucien pushed you behind him, his hand wreathing in flame. "Look, there's been a misunderstanding-"

A bone dagger flew through the air, missing his head by inches.

"No misunderstandings," the second female snarled. "Just vengeance."

Ember and Sizzle, still hovering at your sides, suddenly charged forward in twin streaks of flame, startling the wood nymphs and giving Lucien the opening he needed.

Fire erupted from his hands, driving them back long enough for you to dart past, Lucien close behind.

"The kitchens," he directed, "through the pantry!"

You ran, heart hammering in your chest. The bond pulsed in time with each beat, as if responding to your fear.

You tried to summon your own fire magic, but the ash tea had dampened your power to a flicker. Ember and Sizzle, extensions of that same magic, seemed weaker too, their flames dimmer than usual.

More crashes behind you, the sound of furniture splintering. How many were there?

You burst into the kitchen, skidding on the floor still slick with egg from your earlier escapades. Lucien caught your arm before you fell, steadying you.

"Almost there," he encouraged, guiding you toward the pantry door that led to an external courtyard.

A massive figure stepped through the doorway ahead, blocking your path. Nearly seven feet tall, with skin like ancient oak and eyes that glowed forest green, he carried a spear of living wood that dripped with some viscous sap.

"The Lady of Autumn," he rumbled, his voice like branches breaking in a storm. "Your treachery cost me three saplings."

"I'm not-" you began, but he was already lunging forward, spear aimed at your heart.

Lucien shoved you sideways, the spear grazing his arm instead. He hissed in pain but returned with a slash of his knife, forcing the giant back.

"Run!" he ordered. "The window!"

You scrambled toward the kitchen window, throwing open the shutters. It was a tight fit, but possible. Behind you, the sounds of fighting intensified; more of the wood nymphs had entered the kitchen, surrounding Lucien who fought with brutal efficiency, fire and steel flashing in deadly arcs.

Ember and Sizzle darted at the intruders' faces, small distractions that bought precious seconds.

You were halfway through the window when a hand closed around your ankle, yanking you back inside. You crashed to the floor, the impact knocking the breath from your lungs.

The antlered male from upstairs stood over you, mouth stretched in a terrible grin. "The bounty on your head will feed my grove for a year," he snarled, reaching down to grip your throat.

His hand closed around your neck, bark-rough skin abrading yours as he lifted you off the ground. The ash tea had weakened you too much to fight back effectively. You clawed at his arm, trying to break his hold, but his grip only tightened.

"I'll deliver your heart to the Grove Elder myself," he hissed, face inches from yours.

Black spots danced at the edges of your vision as you struggled for air. The bond in your chest pulsed frantically, golden light seeping through your skin despite the ash tea's effects.

Just as consciousness began to fade, an arrow whistled through the air, striking you in the shoulder. The antlered male loosened his grip in surprise, and you dropped to the floor, gasping and clutching your bleeding wound.

"Idiot!" one of the stone-skinned females shouted at an archer across the room. "We need her alive for the bounty!"

"She moved!" the archer protested.

You crawled backward, blood seeping between your fingers where you clutched your shoulder. The arrow had gone clean through, but the pain was blinding.

Lucien was still fighting by the pantry door, now facing four opponents at once. He'd lost his knife and was fighting with pure fire, but even he couldn't hold them off much longer.

"Lucien!" you called, your voice ragged from the strangling.

He glanced your way, taking in your wounded state with a single look. His face hardened into something dangerous.

"Enough," he said, his voice deadly quiet.

Fire erupted from him in a wave, not the controlled flames from before but a roaring inferno that engulfed the kitchen. The wood nymphs shrieked, their forest-adapted bodies especially vulnerable to fire. They retreated, but Lucien wasn't giving them the chance to escape.

"You came to the wrong house," he snarled, the fire growing hotter, climbing the walls, catching the rafters.

The antlered male stumbled toward you, apparently determined to complete his mission despite the flames. You kicked out desperately, catching him in the knee. He fell forward, his antlers slicing your arm as he went down.

More of your blood spilled, splattering across his face. He recoiled, wiping at it furiously.

"Lucien!" you shouted again as the fire spread, the heat becoming unbearable.

In three long strides, he was beside you, scooping you into his arms. Your blood smeared across his shirt, but he didn't seem to notice or care.

"Hold on," he commanded, his voice tight with fury and fear.

The fire was everywhere now, consuming the kitchen, racing through the house with unnatural speed. The wood nymphs were in full retreat, those who could still move dragging their injured companions.

"What are you doing?" you gasped as Lucien carried you not toward an exit but deeper into the burning house.

"Making sure they can't follow," he replied grimly. "And covering our tracks."

He kicked open the door to Eris's study, strode to the desk, and shifted you in his arms just long enough to grab a small wooden box from a hidden compartment.

"Now we go," he said, tucking the box into his pocket.

The house was fully engulfed now, the structure groaning as support beams weakened. Ember and Sizzle had vanished, either returned to your body or consumed by the larger fire.

"Can you winnow us both?" you asked, the pain in your shoulder making it hard to focus.

"Let's find out," Lucien replied, tightening his hold on you. "Because we're out of options."

He closed his eyes, gathering what power he had.

The roof above you creaked ominously, beginning to collapse.

The last thing you saw before the world dissolved around you was fire, everywhere, consuming everything, leaving nothing but ash in its wake.

Azriel descended through the night, the bond a molten thread in his chest that pulled tighter with each wing beat.

The smoke from Lucien's burning estate rose in angry plumes below, golden embers dancing against the darkness like a perversion of starlight.

His shadows writhed across his skin, agitated and hungry in a way he'd never experienced before. They weren't just extensions of him anymore; they were sentient with purpose, with rage.

I reject you. I don't want anything to do with you.

His own words haunted him as he landed silently on the ridge overlooking the burning manor.

The memory of your face when he'd spoken them, the devastation, the raw hurt, clawed at him from within. The arrogance of it. The blind, willful rejection of what the Cauldron had designed for him alone.

Below, figures moved through the fiery ruins—lesser fae from the border territories, picking through the remains like carrion birds. The sight of them touching what had been your temporary sanctuary sent a wave of territorial fury through him.

"Nothing worth salvaging," one called out, kicking at a collapsed beam. "The Lady of Autumn escaped before we could finish the job."

The bond twisted at those words, spearing white-hot pain through Azriel's chest.

His vision blurred momentarily as golden light seeped from beneath his skin, not just at his collar now, but at his wrists, fingertips, even the corners of his eyes.

His shadows surged outward, independent of his command, tasting the air and returning with information that made the light beneath his skin pulse like a war drum.

Blood.

His focus narrowed to a bark-skinned male with antlers twisting from his scalp. There, on his hands: dark stains. Not ash or soot, but something his shadows recognized instantly.

Your blood.

The golden thread inside his chest vibrated, attuning to the specific rhythm of your spilled blood.

For one terrible moment, Azriel felt exactly what you had felt when that blood was drawn, the sharp pain of an arrow, the crushing pressure of hands around your throat.

Something inside him broke.

He dropped from the ridge, shadows streaming behind him like war banners. He landed in their midst without a sound, the impact crater in the ash the only indication of his arrival.

They froze, conversation dying as they registered his presence.

Recognition rippled through them, not of him specifically, but of what he was. What he represented.

Death. Vengeance. Night itself given form.

"You touched what belongs to me," Azriel said, his voice so soft it seemed to absorb sound rather than create it.

They backed away instinctively, hands moving to weapons.

Too late. Far too late.

"We meant no offense to the Night Court," the antlered male stammered. "Our business was with the Lady of Autumn-"

"Your business," Azriel interrupted, each word carved from ice, "is now with me."

His shadows whipped forward, tasting the stains on the male's hands. They returned to their master with confirmation that sent golden light blazing from beneath his skin, so bright it cast harsh shadows across the burning wreckage.

Externally, Azriel remained perfectly still, not a muscle moving, not an expression changing.

But inside, where no one could see, the carefully constructed walls of five centuries crumbled to dust. The civilized being he had pretended to be, the controlled, disciplined shadowsinger, dissolved.

What remained was something ancient and merciless. Something that had existed long before Prythian, before High Lords and courts and politics.

A mated male whose mate had been harmed.

The antlered male saw the change happen in Azriel's eyes, watched hazel irises be consumed by molten gold that seemed to burn from within. He backpedaled, suddenly understanding the true danger.

"She's your-"

The words died in his throat as Azriel's shadows thickened around him, blocking out what little light remained. The rest of them scattered like leaves in a storm, primal instinct driving them to flee what they now recognized as death incarnate.

Azriel watched them run, head tilted slightly as his shadows mapped their escape routes, their breathing patterns, the tempo of their terrified heartbeats.

He memorized the specific cadence of the antlered male's footfalls, the one whose hands were stained with your blood.

His lips tilted into a sick smile.

He gave them a head start. Thirty seconds of desperate hope. Enough time for their lungs to burn with exertion, for their minds to imagine they might survive.

The antlered male reached the tree line first, glancing over his shoulder to see nothing but darkness behind him. Relief flickered across his features as he plunged into the forest, believing himself unseen.

Azriel's wings snapped open with a sound like distant thunder. He took to the air, a shadow among shadows, moving with the terrible patience of a predator who knows its prey cannot escape.

The male crashed through the underbrush, lungs heaving as he tried to put distance between himself and the burning estate. He paused at a small clearing, bending over to gasp for breath.

"I think we lost him," he wheezed to his companion. "Even the Night Court wouldn't risk war with Autumn by hunting us this far into their territory."

When no response came, he straightened and turned, only to find himself alone.

"Teren?" he called, voice barely above a whisper.

The forest fell silent.

Not the natural quiet of night, but the absolute stillness that comes when every living thing recognizes a superior predator in their midst. Even the insects ceased their songs.

Drawing his knife, the male turned in a slow circle. "Where are you?" he demanded, false bravado unable to mask the tremor in his voice.

A soft sound behind him, not quite a footfall, more like the settling of ash after a fire.

He whirled, knife extended.

Nothing.

Another sound, to his left. He pivoted again.

Empty air.

"Face me!" he shouted, panic rising as he realized he was being toyed with.

"As you wish."

The voice came from everywhere and nowhere, cold as midwinter frost. Before the male could move, shadows solidified directly before him, coalescing into Azriel's form. Not a wingspan away, close enough that the faerie could feel the unnatural chill radiating from his skin.

The knife slipped from nerveless fingers.

"Please," the fae breathed, "it was just a job. The Grove Elder paid for her capture, not her death. We didn't know she was mated-"

"You put your hands on her throat," Azriel interrupted, the words barely audible yet carrying perfectly in the still air. Through the bond, he could feel exactly where your bruises were forming, could trace the pattern of the male's fingers on your skin. "I felt her struggle to breathe."

"It was an accident," the fae pleaded. "We were supposed to take her alive. The arrow wasn't meant-"

"The arrow," Azriel echoed, his voice flat but his eyes flaring brighter. The bond throbbed in time with your wound, a phantom pain in his own shoulder that fed his rage.

With fluid grace, he closed the remaining distance between them.

Truth-Teller slid between the fae's ribs with surgical precision, angled upward to find his heart. The male gasped, eyes widening as he stared into Azriel's face.

"You tried to take my heart," Azriel whispered, the intimacy of his tone more terrifying than any shout. "I'll take yours as payment."

"Where is she?" Azriel asked, his voice gentle now, almost soothing as he twisted the blade slightly.

Blood bubbled at the faerie's lips as he struggled to form words. "Dawn," he choked out, the truth spilling from him along with his lifeblood. "Vanserra... taking her to... Dawn Court."

As the light faded from the male's eyes, Azriel felt a peculiar sensation through the bond, a distant easing of pain, as if some cosmic scale had been partially balanced by this death. Your unconscious recognition of vengeance exacted in your name.

He withdrew Truth-Teller with the same care with which he'd inserted it, lowering the body to the forest floor.

Blood, not yours, but blood shed for you, dripped from the blade's edge, each drop sizzling slightly where it touched the golden light still emanating from his skin.

"One," he whispered to the night.

His shadows twisted expectantly around him, carrying the scent of the remaining fae, five more who had dared to harm what was his.

Five more debts to collect before he flew to Dawn. To you.

The bond pulled tighter, urging him toward completion of both tasks. He could feel your pain even now, across the miles that separated you, the throbbing wound in your shoulder, the raw ache in your throat, the exhaustion of terror and flight.

Then he dissolved once more into the darkness, leaving nothing behind but a cooling corpse and the promise of five more to come.

Author’s Note:

Azriel said “emotional regulation is for the weak” and proceeded to unravel like a bloodstained tapestry. This chapter is feral, a little unhinged, and full of golden light and bad decisions. Thank you for loving these chaotic disaster soulmates as much as I do. 💀💛

Taglist: @circe143 @lunarxcity @willowpains @messageforthesmallestman @lreadsstuff @evye47 @lovely-susie @moonfawnx @tele86 @moonlitlavenders @darkbloodsly @ees-chaotic-brain @smol-grandpa @auraofathena @lottiiee413 @minaaminaa8 @claudiab22 @moonbeamruins @shewolf1549 @crimsonandwhiteprincess @a-band-aid-for-your-heart @kathren1sky-blog @alimarie1105 @masbt1218 @topaz125 @falszywe @randomdumsblog @sophia-grace2025 @okaytrashpanda @thegoddessofnothingness @unarxcity @moonfawnx @svearehnn @suhke3 @galaxystern08 @willowpains @ivy-34 @hellsenthero @nayaniasworld @raccoonworld @bobbywobbby @evergreenlark @greenmandm @bobbywobbby @shinyghosteclipse @catloverandreader @the-onlyy-angie @bunnboosblog @i-like-boooks @ashduv @kayjaywrites @lovelyreaderlovesreading @badbishsblog @vera0124 @i-am-infinite @scatteredstardustt

[azziebaddy]

Part 5: The Sound of Her Silence

TW: This chapter contains intense emotional distress, depictions of self-harm, mental health deterioration, themes of suicidal ideation, fever-induced hallucinations, and emotional abuse. Reader discretion is advised.

Please take care of yourself and skip or pause if needed. 💛

Pairing: Azriel x F!Reader

Genre: angst, romcom, humor, fish out of water reader, canon (ish)

Summary: Murdered after a late-night study session in the modern world, you awaken in Prythian—still yourself, but with Fae features and the infamous title of Beron’s cold-hearted and ruthless daughter.

Then, fate snaps the mating bond into place between you and the shadowsinger, Azriel—who rejects it so fiercely, even the magic recoils.

You died a healer. You woke up a villain. Now fate’s mated you to who wants nothing to do with either—you’ll prove them all wrong, one heartbeat at a time.

Between Two Fires - Masterlist

The Great Hall fell into uneasy silence after the Night Court's entrance, their arrival a deliberate provocation.

Even Beron hesitated, his ever-burning flames receding as if inhaling before a storm.

The flames illuminated the High Lord's face, calculating, dangerous, a predator considering his options.

Rhysand stepped forward, power coiled tight beneath his skin, a leashed tempest. "Lord Beron," he said with cool precision, "we come regarding matters of mutual interest between our courts."

Beron's voice, low and sharp, sliced through the tension. "You enter my court uninvited. That alone is a breach of protocol. Give me one reason not to treat it as an act of war."

"Because war would serve neither of us," Rhysand answered smoothly. "Not over what is, by all appearances, a personal complication."

Your eyes were drawn unbidden to Azriel.

He stood apart from Rhysand and Cassian, his body angled as if bracing for a fight. His face was impassive, carved from stone, shadows held tight around him like armor.

Yet they strained against his control, reaching toward you in aborted, desperate movements before he willed them still.

Where one tendril briefly brushed the flagstone, a frost pattern etched itself into the ground and faded, leaving behind a scent like winter pine.

The mating bond flared in your chest, a barbed hook that twisted with every heartbeat, golden warmth laced with unbearable pressure.

Your lungs constricted. Your fingers trembled.

Every instinct screamed to move toward him, to close the unbearable distance.

Beron's gaze flicked from you to Azriel, sharp with calculation. "Your shadowsinger shows an unusual concern for my daughter." His fingers tapped once against his throne, embers spiraling upward. "Is this intrusion about the mating bond that threatens both our courts' standing with the others?"

Eris stepped forward, his copper hair gleaming in the firelight. "Perhaps we should hear what the Night Court has to say." His voice was silk over steel, practiced and smooth. "After all, we wouldn't want to appear inhospitable."

Beron shot his eldest son a withering glance. "Your hospitality has already cost us enough, Eris."

"Among other things," Rhysand replied to Beron's earlier question. "Though this may not be the appropriate setting to discuss such matters."

The doors to the Great Hall swung open, and Lady of the Autumn Court entered.

Your mother moved with quiet grace, her russet gown flowing like autumn leaves around her slender frame. She paused at the threshold, taking in the scene with eyes that betrayed nothing of her thoughts.

"You weren't summoned," Beron said coldly, not bothering to turn fully toward his wife.

She inclined her head slightly. "I heard we had guests." Her voice was soft but steady. "It would be remiss of me not to welcome them properly."

Beron's flames flared, casting harsh shadows across his face.

"Always interfering where you're not wanted. Like mother, like daughter." His gaze cut to you, contempt evident. "Both of you, useless except for the trouble you cause."

Your fingers curled into fists at your sides, rage building in your chest alongside the pull of the bond. The insult spoken so casually, so cruelly, made something crack inside you.

Eris's face remained composed, but his eyes hardened to amber chips. "The Night Court representatives are waiting." His voice was still controlled, but carried an edge sharp enough to cut. "Perhaps we should continue this discussion elsewhere."

Your mother's face remained impassive, a mask perfected over centuries of such treatment. Only the slight whitening of her knuckles betrayed her reaction.

Beron's nostrils flared. The flames around him crackled and dimmed, reflecting the push and pull of his control.

Heat pulsed in waves through the hall, making the air shimmer. At last, he waved a hand. "The western salon. I will join you shortly."

As the Night Court turned to leave, Beron snapped his gaze back to you. "You. Walk with me."

You stood, legs stiff beneath the weight of your father's fury, and fell into step beside him.

"I'll accompany them," your mother said quietly, moving toward the Night Court.

Beron grabbed her wrist, flames licking at his fingers, dangerously close to her skin. "You will return to your chambers and stay there until I send for you."

"Let her go." The words escaped your lips before you could stop them, quiet but firm.

Eris shifted slightly, positioning himself between your father and mother. "The Night Court is watching," he murmured, his voice for Beron's ears alone. "Consider the impression we make."

Beron released her wrist with a shove. "Get out of my sight."

Your mother's eyes met yours briefly, a warning, a plea for caution before she bowed her head and withdrew, dignity intact despite the humiliation.

Eris lingered a moment, his eyes meeting Azriel's with cold assessment. "Watch yourself, shadowsinger," he murmured, too low for the others to hear. "Beron's patience has limits, and so does mine."

He followed after Beron, silent as a blade at your back.

"Control yourself," Beron hissed at you as you walked. "Your mother's weakness is bad enough without you adding to our shame."

Rage simmered beneath your skin, hot as Autumn fire. "She is not weak. She never has been."

Beron's laugh was cruel. "Defending her now? Where was that courage when she needed it?"

The word struck like a physical blow, dragging memories forward, sterile white rooms with strange instruments, laughter that didn't belong in this realm, voices discussing you as if you weren't present.

A life before Prythian, before the Autumn Court. Before you were—whatever you are now.

The western salon was warmer, quieter. Sunlight poured through amber-stained windows, gilding the dust in the air. Rhysand and Cassian stood near the hearth, speaking in low tones. Azriel remained by the door, positioned like a sentry, his back straight, expression unreadable.

When your eyes met his, the bond shuddered.

Golden light rippled beneath your skin and his, cold fire racing along your veins.

Azriel didn't move. Didn't flinch.

His shadows curled in tight coils around him, containing the flare before it could escape, but not before one shadow darted toward you, caressing your cheek with a touch like frost-covered silk.

Your heart stumbled in your chest. Blood rushed in your ears.

Beron took his seat and gestured curtly to the chair beside him. "Speak, Rhysand. Then leave."

Rhysand sat, every inch the High Lord, his posture relaxed and voice level. "Recent events call into question the stability of our courts' relationship. An unexpected mating bond. An attempted crossing into another court's lands. An unauthorized rescue."

"My daughter's choices are her own," Beron said coldly.

"They become our concern when they involve one of mine," Rhysand answered, unblinking. "And when they nearly end in bloodshed."

You stared down at your hands. The bond tugged with every beat of your heart, flaring whenever Azriel so much as shifted his stance. His silence was deafening, a void that demanded to be filled.

Beron leaned back, his expression glacial. "The bond was rejected. That is the end of it."

"It is not so easily discarded," Rhysand said. "You know that. A rejected bond leaves... consequences. Dangerous ones."

Beron sneered. "Do not lecture me about consequences, boy. If your shadowsinger cannot stomach the match, that is no longer my concern."

"Then consider this a precaution," Rhysand replied, steel beneath the silk. "Allow my spymaster ten minutes alone with her. To ensure there are no... lingering complications that might destabilize Autumn's borders or create vulnerabilities Night's enemies could exploit."

A long silence followed.

Beron's fingers twitched, flames licking at his knuckles, crawling up his wrists like living things.

At last, he gestured dismissively. "Ten minutes. Then she returns to her chambers, under guard."

Rhysand rose. "Cassian, Eris, shall we?"

Eris unfolded himself from his chair with feline grace. "Of course." His gaze swept over you, lingering on the faint glow of the bond beneath your skin.

They filed out, one by one. When the door shut behind them, silence settled like ash. The only sound was the crackle of the hearth and your treacherous, thundering heart.

Azriel did not move.

You waited, the pressure in your chest mounting until each breath felt like drawing in shards of glass. He watched you like a stranger, shadows still circling his boots, though they shivered with what looked like restraint.

"You shouldn't have come," he said at last. His voice was low. Controlled. Ice, not fire. Each syllable precisely measured. "Not to the war camp."

Your mouth dried. "I didn't mean-"

"I know what you meant," he interrupted, sharp enough to cut to bone. "But intent doesn't undo consequences."

You stood, unable to remain still under the weight of his voice, every muscle drawn taut. "The bond-"

"Is inconvenient," he said flatly.

His shadows flinched at the words, contradicting his tone.

One of them drifted toward you before curling back like a burned leaf, leaving a trail of frost that melted instantly in the Autumn Court's heat.

You swallowed. "I thought if I said goodbye, it would ease the pain."

His expression didn't change, but his jaw tightened fractionally, tendons straining beneath scarred skin.

"And the lake? Was that meant to ease something too?"

You couldn't answer. Not truthfully. Your fingernails bit into your palms.

"I wanted it to end," you whispered. "I thought death might sever the bond."

His shadows stilled. The silence that followed was so complete it rang in your ears. The temperature in the room plummeted, your breath clouding before your face.

He stepped forward once, slow and deliberate.

Not close. Never close.

"I've seen bonds form between killers. Between traitors. Between those who should be enemies." His voice dropped lower. "They don't care about virtue or wisdom. Only connection. And sometimes, connection is a curse that will tear down everything we've built."

You stared at him, heart splintering. "Is that what I am to you? A curse?"

He didn't answer right away.

When he did, his voice was quiet, almost gentle, and that gentleness cut deeper than any blade. "You're not the same female I knew."

A breath. A pause. His shadows twisted around him, agitated.

"But you have caused too much pain." I can't trust myself around you hung unspoken between you.

The bond pulsed again, a flare of pain so acute it forced a gasp from your lips.

You staggered slightly.

Azriel didn't move to catch you, but his shadows lurched forward before he brutally reined them back.

You steadied yourself against a table, knuckles white. "If I could change it-"

"You can't," he said, more sharply than before. "And neither can I. Not without destroying what keeps both our courts safe."

His gaze locked with yours, centuries of survival and sacrifice written in the tight lines around his mouth. "The Night Court has enemies who would use any vulnerability. The Autumn Court the same. This bond is a weakness neither of us can afford."

He looked at you as if weighing something, then added, "I don't hate you. But I don't believe this bond is something either of us should accept. Not at the cost it would demand."

Another breath passed, then two. He reached for the door, shadows reluctantly trailing after him.

"I came to say goodbye," he said without turning around. "And to make it clear. I reject you. I dont want anything to do with you."

His shadows curled toward you one final time, a defiance of his words—their touch colder than winter, gentler than a lover's caress as they traced the contours of your face. Then they vanished, ripped back to their master.

"Goodbye," he said.

You couldn't speak.

Not as he opened the door and left without a backward glance. Not as the door clicked shut behind him, sealing you in the quiet.

You rose from your chair, legs unsteady, hand pressed to your chest where the bond burned like a brand. It pulsed once more, then dulled to a low throb.

Still there. Still aching.

But colder now. Just like him.

You moved toward the door, vision blurring.

You needed to be away from here, away from the lingering scent of pine and winter that his shadows had left behind. Each step felt heavier than the last as you pushed through the doors and into the hallway, not caring who might see the tears that now threatened to spill.

The corridors stretched before you, all amber and ruby and burnished gold.

Suffocating.

You quickened your pace, heading for your chambers, the only place where you might find a moment's peace.

A figure stepped from an alcove, blocking your path. Your mother—no, not your mother. The Lady of Autumn Court.

She stood before you, her eyes taking in your trembling hands, the faint golden glow still visible beneath your skin, the tears you could no longer hold back. Something in her expression softened, a recognition of pain she understood all too well.

You tried to step around her, to maintain the distance that had always existed between you, heightened by the knowledge that you were not truly her daughter. That you came from another world entirely, a world of skyscrapers and smartphones, not magic and immortal fae.

But she simply opened her arms.

The gesture broke something loose inside you.

Memories flashed through your mind, another mother in another life, hugs after scraped knees, whispered comfort during thunderstorms.

A life stolen from you.

You stepped into her embrace, burying your face against her shoulder. Her arms closed around you, unexpectedly strong, smelling of cinnamon and woodsmoke. The dam within you burst completely.

Silent tears soaked into the silk of her dress as she held you tighter, one hand cradling the back of your head like you were a child. Your shoulders shook with the force of your grief—grief for the bond, for the cold goodbye, for the life you once knew, for the truth you couldn't speak.

She made no move to pull away, asked no questions you couldn't answer. Her heartbeat steady against yours, a counterpoint to the painful throb of the rejected bond.

In that moment, in that corridor of amber and shadows, something shifted between you.

Not blood, not shared history, but something equally powerful—understanding. Compassion.

A choice to be family when nothing in fate had designed you to be.

You clung to her, this woman you barely knew, as the golden bond-light flickered beneath your skin and tears continued to fall.

Days passed in a gray haze of pain and emptiness. 

Confined to your chambers under Beron's orders, you barely left your bed.

The mating bond, once a dull ache you could somehow endure, had transformed into something monstrous in the wake of Azriel's formal rejection.

It pulled and twisted beneath your skin, the golden light pulsing visibly through your nightgown at all hours, casting eerie shadows across your walls.

"Make it stop," you whispered into your pillow, the words becoming a mantra as hours bled into days. "Please, make it stop."

Food remained untouched on trays. Water turned stale beside your bed. Sleep came only in fitful bursts, often jolting you awake when the bond would suddenly flare as if sensing Azriel across the distance.

Each time, the pain would be fresh again, as if his rejection had just occurred.

On the third day, you couldn't leave your bed.

Your limbs felt leaden, unresponsive to your commands. The bond's golden light had spread, no longer contained to your chest but threading through your entire body in a complex network that resembled veins of fire beneath your skin.

"Make it stop," you begged the empty room, your voice cracking with disuse. "Make it stop."

Briar came and went, her face increasingly drawn with worry. She bathed your forehead with cool cloths that brought momentary relief, helped you sip water when your throat became too parched to speak. But even her gentle care couldn't touch the agony of the bond.

"The healers say-" she began on the fourth day, only to fall silent when you shook your head weakly.

"No more healers," you whispered. "They can't help."

The rejection was killing you.

Not quickly with merciful swiftness, but slowly, systematically.

First your appetite, then your sleep, then your strength.

Soon, you knew, it would take your mind, and finally, your life.

By the fifth day, the pain had become so unbearable that you could no longer contain your screams.

They tore from your throat in ragged bursts, startling servants and causing guards to peer nervously through your door.

Ember, your faithful flame bunny, tried desperately to comfort you, nuzzling against your tear-stained cheeks and offering his warmth. But even his presence brought only fleeting solace.

"Make it stop," you sobbed between screams, your voice raw and broken. "Please, just make it stop."

Night fell, and with it came fever.

Your body burned from within, as if the bond had ignited your very blood.

The golden light beneath your skin pulsed in nauseating waves, brightening and dimming with each labored beat of your heart. Shadows danced strangely across your walls, though no source of light moved to cast them.

In your delirium, you thought you saw your human body, lying peacefully in a hospital bed, monitors beeping steadily beside it.

The vision taunted you—safety and normalcy just beyond reach. You stretched your hand toward it, only to watch it dissolve like mist.

"I want to go home," you wept, curling into yourself as another wave of pain crashed through you. "I just want to go home."

The latch on your door clicked softly, the sound barely audible over your ragged breathing.

You didn't bother looking up. Another healer, no doubt, come to offer useless remedies for a condition beyond their understanding.

"So, this is what a mating bond does," said a familiar voice, cool with equal parts disdain and clinical interest. "How remarkably... undignified."

You forced your eyes open to find Eris standing at the foot of your bed, his amber eyes assessing your deteriorated state with detached calculation.

He held a small wooden box in one hand, its surface carved with intricate symbols you didn't recognize.

"Go away," you managed, your voice barely audible. "Can't... help."

"Can't I?" A smirk played at the corners of his mouth as he set the box on your nightstand. "Your arrogance persists even in this state. How typical."

His dismissive tone convinced you he saw only what he expected to see. His cruel sister, temporarily weakened. He didn't suspect you were someone else entirely.

Eris opened the box with careful precision, removing a small vial of dark liquid.

"Do you know what this is?" When you didn't respond, he continued, "It's called ash tea. Death to our kind in sufficient quantity, it disintegrates our magic from within, dissolves our organs rather spectacularly." He swirled the vial, studying the contents with academic interest. "But in minute, carefully measured amounts..."

"Poison?" you whispered, hope flaring briefly.

Eris laughed softly. "Not as you're thinking, no. Though many would consider offering this to a High Fae treasonous." He sat carefully on the edge of your bed, an unexpected intimacy that emphasized the seriousness of the moment. "This particular blend contains ash wood bark, ground fine enough to enter the bloodstream without killing you outright, but potent enough to... dampen certain magical connections."

Understanding dawned slowly through your pain-addled mind. "The bond?"

"Precisely." Eris uncorked the vial, the scent of earth and something acrid filling the air between you. "It cannot be broken, but it can be... muted. Made bearable. At least temporarily."

You tried to sit up, wincing as the movement sent fresh waves of agony radiating from your chest. "Why would you... help me?"

Eris's expression remained carefully neutral, though something flickered in his eyes, not quite compassion, but perhaps a cold form of practicality. "Let's just say having the Lady of Autumn Court driven mad by bond rejection doesn't serve anyone's interests. Particularly not when diplomatic relations with the Night Court are so delicate."

He lifted the vial. "This won't be pleasant. And the effects are temporary. A day, perhaps two. But it should bring enough relief to keep you from it."

Hope and suspicion warred within you. This was Eris, after all—known for manipulation and political maneuvering, not acts of charity.

"What's the... price?" you asked, even as you eyed the vial with desperate longing.

A smile ghosted across his lips. "Smart question. There is, of course, a cost. The ash will dampen the bond, but it also suppresses all magic—including healing magic. You'll be weaker, more vulnerable to injury. And if you take too much, too often..." He shrugged eloquently. "Well, that's a risk you'll have to decide if you're willing to take."

Another wave of bond-agony crashed through you, drawing a whimper from your raw throat. The golden light beneath your skin pulsed viciously, as if the bond itself protested this conversation.

"Give it to me," you gasped, reaching weakly for the vial.

Eris held it to your lips. "Drink all of it. And brace yourself. This will hurt before it helps."

The liquid burned like fire as it slid down your throat, leaving a trail of blistering pain in its wake. You gagged, nearly retching as your body instinctively tried to reject the poison. Eris held you steady, his grip surprisingly gentle despite his usual coldness.

"Breathe," he instructed calmly. "The first wave will hit in approximately thirty seconds. Try not to scream too loudly. The servants are already terrified enough."

The pain began in your stomach, a spreading heat that quickly evolved into liquid agony. It raced through your veins like molten metal, seeking out the golden threads of the mating bond wherever they had infiltrated your system. You bit down hard on your lip to keep from screaming, tasting blood as your teeth pierced skin.

"Good," Eris murmured, observing with cold efficiency. "If you survive the next few minutes, relief should follow."

You couldn't respond, too consumed by the battle raging within your body. The ash tea burned through you like wildfire, while the mating bond fought to maintain its hold.

Golden light flared beneath your skin, brighter than ever before, illuminating your chamber as if noon sun streamed through the windows.

Just when you thought you couldn't bear another second, when death seemed not just welcome but necessary. The pain crested, held for one eternal moment, then began to recede.

The golden light dimmed, not disappearing entirely but retreating, condensing back toward your heart where the bond's core resided. The burning sensation of the ash tea transformed into something cooler, almost numbing, as it wrapped around the bond's tendrils like a smothering blanket.

"There," Eris said, satisfaction evident in his voice. "The worst is over."

You collapsed back against your pillows, gasping for breath. The pain hadn't vanished completely—the bond still pulsed steadily in your chest—but it was... contained.

Manageable. For the first time in days, you could think clearly, breathe without agony slicing through your lungs.

"How do you feel?" Eris asked, assessing you with calculating eyes.

"Like I've been trampled by a herd of horses," you replied honestly, your voice hoarse but stronger. "But... better."

He nodded, seeming pleased with the results of his experiment. "It forms a temporary barrier between you and the bond. It's still there, still active, but its effects are dampened. You should be able to eat, sleep, perhaps even function normally for a brief time."

"Thank you," you whispered, the words entirely genuine.

"Don't thank me yet. It has side effects, headaches, nausea, significant weakening of your healing abilities. A paper cut could take days to close. And when it wears off..."

"The pain returns," you finished for him.

"Precisely. This is not a cure, merely a reprieve." He rose from the bed, returning the empty vial to its box with careful precision. "I have more. Enough for several treatments, if necessary. But using ash too frequently risks permanent damage to your magic, possibly death. It's a temporary solution at best."

You nodded, understanding the limitations but grateful nonetheless for even temporary relief. "Why help me at all?"

"Because a mad Lady of Autumn is a liability to this court," he said finally, his voice carefully devoid of emotion. "And because no one deserves that particular hell. Not even you."

Through your exhaustion, you noticed Eris studying you with an intensity that hadn't been there before. His amber eyes narrowed slightly, head tilted in calculation.

"Rest now," he said, his voice oddly soft. "Sleep while you can."

The suggestion was unnecessary.

Your body, wrung out from days of suffering and the recent battle with the ash tea, was already surrendering to exhaustion. Your eyelids felt impossibly heavy, darkness crowding the edges of your vision.

The last thing you saw before consciousness fled was Eris standing over you, his expression unreadable as he pulled something from his pocket—another vial, this one filled with clear liquid.

"Forgive me, sister," he murmured, though the words seemed to come from very far away. "But you cannot stay here."

Then darkness claimed you completely.

Far away in the Night Court, in the darkest chamber of the House of Wind, Azriel knelt on the cold stone floor.

Alone, as he preferred. As he required.

His blade—Truth-Teller—lay before him, its edge gleaming in the dim light.

Blood. His blood. Already stained the steel, fresh rivulets running down its length to pool on the stone beneath.

Another wave of pain crashed through the bond, brutal and unrelenting.

Azriel didn't make a sound.

Five centuries of torture and war had taught him that lesson well.

Silence in suffering.

But his body betrayed him, trembling violently as the mating bond seared his insides like molten silver.

With deliberate precision, he picked up the blade and drew it across his chest, adding another perfect line to the row of cuts already marking his skin.

Each one corresponded to a wave of your pain that had reached him through the bond.

Blood for pain. Pain for denial. Denial for protection.

His shadows writhed around him, agitated and distressed by the self-inflicted wounds, but he controlled them with ruthless precision.

Control was all he had left. All he could permit himself.

It was the secret that male Fae carried and females rarely understood.

Rejection hurt the male more. Always.

The Cauldron's cruelest design—to make the one who denied the bond suffer more deeply, more fundamentally, than the one rejected.

The females experienced the pain as something inflicted upon them.

The males felt it as something torn from within them.

He had rejected you. For his family, for his court, for five centuries of history that couldn't be erased by the sudden, incomprehensible appearance of a bond.

Yet with each day that passed, with each wave of agony that pulsed through the connection, his reasons seemed increasingly hollow.

Azriel closed his eyes, mastering the tremors that threatened to overtake his body.

His wings tightened against his back, the membrane between the joints quivering with the effort of maintaining control. Each breath was measured, deliberate, a weapon against the madness that clawed at the edges of his consciousness.

The madness all males faced when denying the mating bond.

His shadows swirled around the wounds on his chest, trying to staunch the bleeding, but he commanded them back.

The physical pain was a lifeline, an anchor to sanity when the bond threatened to drag him into the abyss. Each cut was a reminder, a demarcation between thought and action, between the primal claiming instinct and his hard-won self-control.

"She's not mine," he said aloud, his voice steady despite the war raging within him. "She can't be mine."

His shadows disagreed, stretching southward toward the Autumn Court, toward you, before he wrenched them back with brutal force. They had grown harder to control since the bond formed, increasingly rebellious against his commands where you were concerned.

Just as his mind had grown more fragmented, thoughts circling in patterns he recognized as dangerous.

Possessive. Violent. Obsessive.

Mine to reject. Mine to claim. Mine to punish. Mine to protect.

Another wave of your pain rolled through him, sharper this time, different. Not the steady agony of rejection but something new—something foreign.

His body arched backwards, a wordless snarl escaping through clenched teeth as the unfamiliar sensation burned along the bond.

Something was happening to you. Something was being done to you.

Without conscious thought, Truth-Teller was in his hand again, his grip so tight the scars on his hands whitened. His shadows exploded outward, slashing across the walls in chaotic patterns before he brought them to heel.

"Control," he gasped, the word a prayer and command. "Control."

The foreign sensation continued, burning through the bond for endless minutes before slowly, gradually beginning to recede.

As it faded, the connection itself seemed to dim—not broken, never broken, but muffled.

Distant. As if a veil had fallen between them.

Azriel stared at his bloody hands, at Truth-Teller's gleaming edge, as realization dawned.

Someone had interfered.

Someone had touched what was his.

A low, feral growl built in his chest, shadows coalescing around him like armor. His wings flared wide, bumping against the chamber walls, as pure, primal rage flooded his system. It was the claiming instinct, the mating drive—made worse, not better, by his rejection.

Shadows pooled at his feet, rising up his legs like living things, responding to emotions he refused to name. They whispered to him, ancient and dark,

Find her. Claim her. Kill anyone who stands between.

For one terrible moment, he considered it—giving in to the madness, surrendering to the bond's demands. It would be easier than fighting, easier than the constant war between instinct and reason, between what the bond wanted and what his mind knew was necessary.

The shadows sensed his weakness, surging eagerly in response, already mapping the fastest route to the Autumn Court, to you.

With tremendous effort, Azriel forced them back, confined them to the chamber, to himself. His hands shook with the strain, blood dripping from fresh cuts to the stone below.

"I am not a slave to instinct," he said, each word precise and controlled. "I am not ruled by the bond."

But even as he spoke, he knew it for the lie it was. The mating bond had fundamentally altered him, changed something essential in his makeup. The ruthless control he had maintained for centuries was fracturing, eroding a little more with each denial, each rejection.

Eventually, it would break entirely. And when it did...

You woke to sunlight and the scent of lavender.

Soft sheets. Linen curtains. A breeze slipped in through the open window, carrying the scent of wild roses and summer heat.

Winnowed here from the heart of Autumn, you were somewhere new—somewhere safe. The ash tea still burned faintly in your bloodstream, muting the mating bond's agony into something distant and bearable.

Not gone. Never gone. But quieter now.

You pushed yourself upright, slow and stiff. Your muscles protested, days of agony had left their mark. Ember stirred at your feet with a warm churr, his tiny pink flame ears twitching lazily as he hopped up onto your lap.

His companion—Sizzle, your second fire bunny—lounged on the windowsill like she owned the house, her tail periodically sparking small holes in the curtains.

"We live another day, troublemakers," you murmured, scratching Ember behind his flaming ears. He purred in response, a sound like kindling catching fire.

Sizzle, apparently jealous of the attention, sneezed dramatically. A tiny fireball shot across the room, hitting the curtain.

You scrambled to pat out the flames while Ember, startled by the sudden movement, jumped onto your pillow and promptly set it ablaze.

"Perfect," you muttered, now frantically swatting at both the curtain and pillow. "Absolutely perfect."

The door opened with a soft click, revealing Lucien Vanserra standing in the threshold, one brow arched. His russet hair was pulled back in a neat queue, his metal eye whirring as it assessed the smoldering chaos.

"I see your therapy animals are hard at work," he remarked dryly.

"They're very passionate about interior redesign," you replied, finally extinguishing the pillow.

Ember, unperturbed by the commotion he'd caused, began grooming himself smugly. Sizzle hopped down from the windowsill to join him, leaving a trail of tiny scorch marks across the blanket.

Lucien stepped inside, moving with the fluid grace of a High Fae male. Despite his seemingly casual demeanor, his hand never strayed far from the ornate knife at his hip.

"Eris said you were stable," he said. "I see he was being optimistic."

"I'm perfectly stable," you protested. "It's these two that are hazardous."

As if on cue, both bunnies looked up at Lucien with identical innocent expressions, their flame ears flickering like halos.

A reluctant smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"Why am I here?" you asked, gathering Ember in your arms before he could cause more damage.

"My home. Border estate between Spring and Autumn," he replied. "Far enough from Summer that their water-wielders can't sense your fire magic."

"No, I mean why here. Why you?"

His jaw clenched. "Because Eris didn't trust anyone else to keep you alive."

A beat of silence. You stared at him. "Beron knows I'm gone?"

Lucien nodded grimly. "He's furious. You disappearing was one thing. But being bonded with the Night Court's shadowsinger... that made you a liability."

You swallowed hard. "He'll come after me."

"Yes," Lucien said simply. "But not here. Not yet. The border glamours I've crafted keep this place hidden from most eyes."

Ember, sensing your distress, nuzzled against your hand, his warm fur oddly comforting. Sizzle hopped closer, squeaking indignantly, as if personally offended by Beron's threat to you.

Eris swept into the doorway, elegant and deadly in fine Autumn Court attire. His eyes immediately landed on the singed pillow, then the bunnies, then you.

"You're awake," he added, gaze sliding over you. "Good. You were very dramatic about nearly dying."

You offered him a flat look. "You drugged me. Forgive me for not being chipper."

Eris just smiled thinly. "You're welcome."

Ember, evidently unimpressed by Eris's entrance, turned his back on your eldest brother and began methodically cleaning his paws. Sizzle, however, puffed up to twice her size, her tiny flame ears growing larger as she stared Eris down.

Lucien and Eris stared at each other, tension crackling like fire beneath still water. Centuries of history hung between them—betrayal, silence, blood.

"Why bring me here?" you asked again.

Eris's gaze darkened. "Because Beron watches me too closely. And because our charming brother has experience managing broken bonds."

Lucien's jaw ticked. "I'm not your pawn."

"No. Just the only one who's already walked through fire." Eris's eyes flicked to the scars on Lucien's face. "Literally and metaphorically." He continued. "I have business in the human lands. Autumn's emissaries report unusual activity," Eris said, already stepping back toward the door. "I'll return in three days. Try not to explode before then."

And then he was gone, leaving behind only the scent of embers and spice—not bothering to walk out, but winnowing away in a flash of copper light.

Ember triumphantly squeaked, as if he had personally driven Eris away, while Sizzle hopped in an excited circle, leaving a ring of tiny burn marks on the floor.

"Your security detail is very effective," Lucien remarked, his lips twitching.

"They're very selective about who they allow near me," you replied, patting the bed for them to return. Ember immediately hopped back onto your lap, while Sizzle took a detour to investigate Lucien's boots.

"So," you said, "Beron's hunting me."

Lucien nodded. "And I'm keeping you off his radar. For now."

Your mind flashed suddenly to that moment in the Autumn Court—Azriel's shadows coiling away from you, his face carved from ice as he rejected you.

The memory sent a bolt of pain through the bond, sharp enough to make you gasp. Golden light flared beneath your skin, pulsing once, twice, before the ash tea smothered it again.

Ember chirped in alarm, nudging your hand with his warm nose. Sizzle abandoned her investigation of Lucien to race back to your side, both bunnies pressing against you as if trying to absorb your pain.

Lucien tensed, his hand moving to his knife, not drawing it, but ready. "Breathe through it," he instructed, voice steady. "Don't fight it."

You nodded, forcing air into your lungs. "Why help me?" you managed after a moment.

He paused, then said, "Because someone should have helped me."

Your hand drifted to your chest, fingers pressing lightly over the steady, bruised thrum of the bond. "Azriel told me it wasn't real. That we weren't anything."

Something flashed across Lucien's face—recognition, perhaps. Understanding. His metal eye whirred softly. "But you felt it."

You nodded. "Still do."

Ember, as if understanding, rested his tiny paw on your hand where it pressed against your chest. His warmth seeped into your skin, a small comfort against the ache.

Lucien exhaled, his gaze distant. "It never fully goes away. You just get better at living around the ache."

"For how long will the tea work?"

"A week. Maybe less." His voice was clinical, practiced. "It gives you time to think without drowning."

"Think about what?"

"Whether you're going to keep breaking every time he turns away," Lucien said quietly.

Sizzle, who had been unnaturally still and attentive, suddenly hopped toward Lucien and squeaked forcefully, as if disagreeing with his pessimism. She punctuated her argument by sneezing a perfect smoke ring.

Lucien blinked down at her. "Was that... intentional?"

"She has opinions," you said, unable to stop a small smile. "Strong ones."

You looked at him. "And you? With your bond?"

His jaw tightened. "I've learned to stay standing."

You let silence sit between you. "It hurts."

"It should," he replied. "It means you cared."

You stroked Ember's back as he nestled against your ribs. "Azriel's in love with Elain," you said. I

The bond flared again at the shadowsinger's name, a sharp, twisting pain that made your fingers curl into fists. Golden light rippled beneath your skin, illuminating your veins like molten metal.

Lucien didn't flinch. "Yes."

Your eyes widened slightly. "Elain is your mate."

He nodded once, the motion tight and controlled. "Yes."

You gave a sharp, humorless laugh. "So my mate wants yours. And yours won't even look at you."

Heat surged through your body—not the bond this time, but your own power.

Flames licked between your fingers, dancing along your knuckles. Ember chirped in alarm, scurrying to safety, while Sizzle watched in what appeared to be admiration.

Lucien moved with startling speed, his hand closing around your wrist. Not roughly, but firmly. "Control it," he said, voice low. "You'll burn down the house."

The absurdity of the moment—the deadly serious warning about your power—broke through your anger. You took a deep breath, pulling the fire back inside.

"Sorry," you murmured, extending a gentle hand to coax Ember back.

Lucien's smile didn't reach his eyes. "The Cauldron has a twisted sense of humor."

"I'm done," you said, voice barely a whisper. "Done chasing someone who only ever turns around to run."

The moment the words left your mouth, the bond gave a violent pulse, as if in protest.

You gasped, pressing a hand to your chest as golden light spilled between your fingers.

Lucien looked at you for a long moment. "Good."

"I keep thinking if I'm better, softer, less angry, he'll see me. But I could walk through fire and he'd still stare at the smoke."

His voice was quiet. "I know the feeling."

You wiped at your face with the edge of the sheet. "So what now?"

Lucien's mismatched gaze found yours. "Now we learn to walk forward. With the ache. Without them."

You offered a watery smile. "We'll be strong for each other."

He returned it, faint but real. "The Vanserra way."

You wiped tears from your cheek. "Honestly? They're both walking red flags."

Lucien blinked. "Red what?"

"It's a saying," you explained quickly. "Red flags mean warning signs. Bad news. Like signals in battle, but for people."

"So I've been ignoring battle signals for decades," Lucien said dryly.

"Exactly. And Azriel..." You sighed. "Shadow and steel and silence don't make for healthy relationships."

Lucien's laugh was unexpected—sharp and genuine. "Don't let Rhysand hear you say that."

"At least I'm done chasing my red flag," you said.

The bond throbbed once more, a deep ache that would never truly fade. But for the first time, it didn't feel like it would tear you apart.

He nodded, the golden eye whirring softly. "And I'm learning to carry mine."

You looked at him, really looked at this brother you barely knew, and said, "We've got each other. That's enough."

Lucien leaned back. "The Vanserra siblings. Mated. Rejected. Slightly flammable."

"Speak for yourself," you grinned, A small flame danced across your fingertip as you stroked them, controlled this time, gentle. "We're adorably flammable."

His laughter—sharp and real—echoed softly through the room, making both bunnies' ears perk up in delight.

And for the first time in days, the ache in your chest felt like something you might one day be able to carry without breaking—a permanent bond, yes, but no longer a chain.

The golden light pulsed once more beneath your skin, and somewhere, miles away, in the darkness of the Night Court, you knew a shadowsinger felt it too.

Azriel woke shaking, breath crystallizing in the frigid air.

The bond.

Muffled for two days now—erupted with savage, unfamiliar pain. He'd marked each hour of silence with thin, precise cuts across his chest, but nothing prepared him for this blazing agony, as if the golden thread inside his ribs had been yanked tight and set aflame. Shadows writhed across the floor, mirroring his frantic heartbeat as sweat soaked the sheets.

He dressed by touch alone, leather sliding over half-healed wounds. Blood blossomed beneath the buckles, warm against his ice-cold skin. The hallway distorted, edges warping, but discipline drove him forward.

Movement might drown the torment. He staggered toward the training ring, trailing frost in his wake.

Cassian was drilling recruits when Azriel stepped onto the sand. Ice crackled under his boots; every Illyrian within twenty paces fell silent. His hands trembled violently, nearly dropping the practice sword until he clenched harder, reopening the newest cut.

Crimson seeped down his abdomen, its metallic scent sharp in the morning air.

A young warrior advanced.

Azriel struck—too fast, too brutal—wood splintering against bone.

The boy crumpled with a cry that Azriel barely registered through white sparks bursting behind his eyes, each one pulsing with the bond's torment.

Another opponent stepped forward, then another. Azriel met each with vicious, mechanical precision until Cassian intercepted, arms braced across his chest.

"Look at me," Cassian ordered, voice cutting through the roaring in Azriel's ears.

Azriel's vision swam. "It's worse," he rasped, throat raw. "Didn't know it could get worse."

Cassian's gaze dropped to the blood darkening Azriel's tunic. "You need a healer."

"I need-" Azriel couldn't finish.

Shadows spilled from his shoulders, lashing the air like whips, carrying the scent of nightfall and steel.

Cassian's siphons flared crimson, siphoning the wild magic before it scorched the watching recruits. "Training's over. War room, now."

Azriel remembered nothing of climbing the stairs to the River House, only the taste of copper and frost on his tongue. Maps blanketed the long table where Rhysand, Feyre, Mor, Amren, and Nesta looked up as he stumbled in, darkness trailing his every step.

Rhys's violet eyes narrowed at the blood. "Az-"

"The bond," Azriel grated, each word a tremor. "The agony's funneling straight through. I can't-" He pressed a shaking fist to his sternum where phantom fire burned. "I can't shut it out."

Feyre reached with her mind, gentle as dawn. The attempt brushed against raw nerves; Azriel recoiled with a guttural snarl. Glass shattered in the windowpanes.

The chandelier swayed, crystal tinkling. Shadows erupted, drenching the room in smothering darkness that tasted of ashes and grief.

Mor stepped forward, palms raised. "Az, breathe-"

"Every heartbeat feels like a blade," he said, voice breaking.

His eyes—normally calm as a midnight lake—shone wild, desperate. "If it gets any worse, I'll-" He bit down on the rest, but the madness was there, circling, hungry, a beast straining at its chains.

Nesta's steel-gray gaze tracked the shadows crawling over the ceiling. "Then we fix it before you lose yourself."

Cassian planted a steady hand between Azriel's shoulder blades, grounding him. "Name the order, Rhys."

Rhysand's power rolled out—cool midnight and stars—pushing the shadows back until lantern-light flickered once more. "Stealth flight to Autumn in four hours," the High Lord said. "We extract and return before dawn."

Azriel's knees nearly buckled with equal parts relief and renewed terror. "Four hours is too long."

"It's how long it takes to prepare winnow points that Beron can't trace," Rhys countered, voice edged with authority. "You will hold."

Azriel's jaw clenched so hard something cracked.

Fresh blood slid beneath his leathers, a warm contrast to the cold sweat beading his skin. "I'll try."

Amren clicked her tongue, ancient eyes gleaming. "Try harder. Velaris has survived worse than your shadows."

Azriel dragged in a ragged breath that smelled of pine and steel and coming snow.

The pain surged again—hot, merciless—and his vision went white at the edges. But he felt Cassian's steadying hand, heard Rhys's measured voice, sensed Feyre's mind-touch waiting for permission.

He swallowed hard. "Keep me busy."

Cassian's grin was fierce, all teeth. "I can do that."

The shadows settled—trembling, resentful, but leashed. Focus returned to Azriel's fever-bright eyes, razor-sharp and deadly.

Four hours.

He could endure four more hours of this hell.

And when the time came, he would fly south on wings of night and frost, and anyone standing between him and that muted golden thread would learn why even High Lords feared a shadowsinger's wrath.

Author’s Note:

If you made it through this chapter—first of all, I love you. This one was heavy, but necessary. Our girl is still standing (with fire bunnies), and Azriel is one breakdown away from realizing he’s in love. As always, thank you for reading. 💛

Taglist: @circe143 @lunarxcity @willowpains @messageforthesmallestman @lreadsstuff @evye47 @lovely-susie @moonfawnx @tele86 @moonlitlavenders @darkbloodsly @ees-chaotic-brain @smol-grandpa @auraofathena @lottiiee413 @minaaminaa8 @claudiab22 @moonbeamruins @shewolf1549 @crimsonandwhiteprincess @a-band-aid-for-your-heart @kathren1sky-blog @alimarie1105 @masbt1218 @topaz125 @falszywe @randomdumsblog @sophia-grace2025 @okaytrashpanda @thegoddessofnothingness @unarxcity @moonfawnx @svearehnn @suhke3 @galaxystern08 @willowpains @ivy-34 @hellsenthero @nayaniasworld @raccoonworld @bobbywobbby @evergreenlark @greenmandm @bobbywobbby @shinyghosteclipse @catloverandreader @the-onlyy-angie @bunnboosblog @i-like-boooks @ashduv @kayjaywrites @lovelyreaderlovesreading @badbishsblog @vera0124 @i-am-infinite @scatteredstardustt