avedomineinferni

[avedomineinferni]

Greetings. I Liked how my scars looked in this photo.

[avedomineinferni]

August, 22. Journal 3.

Hell has come to breakfast. I feel as if my entire life has experienced an uprising crack in its foundation. My roundtable has new visitors. Goddess Eris sits at my left, taunting me with me grief and heartbreak. The pale horseman himself now sits on my right, his presence disturbing. Reminding me that life is not forever, no matter how much it aches.

I have suffered loss after loss during this tedious stretch on this mortal plane. Even during a moment of peace, I am haunted by the fact that I will never escape this. It will always follow. God has cursed me with strife, I will curse him with my perseverance.

I am in a turbulent storm of worry. The matriarch of my kinfolk is ill, and that is the most pressing matter at hand. I am angry, angry at myself, at the one who brought me upon this land. I feel as a failure, life passing so quickly before my eyes. I do not pray, but hope my elder heals, fights through this. A part of me is terrified.

Death is no stranger; he has walked beside me on his pale horse since I was only a lad. So many a time have I wanted to take his hand, begging for the restful ease of the eternal sleep. To float in nothingness. But in this I am strong, a knight is still a knight even through his darkest battles. I will not let God win, for my end would be a victory for him. I will have this checkmate. There is one person that keeps me fighting, my older kin has gone through as much if not more than I have. The soul’s bond ov blood between us is stronger than most. For her to raise me when our progenitress could not, was a favor she did not have to endure. For her I refuse to be selfish. I am older and rougher now, but sometimes I wonder if she still sees me as the little runt. A small boy with a helmet too big atop his brown hair, a gun far too menacing slung over his shoulder. For both of us I will fight, as we both have been since our first dawn.

Theres also my darling familiar, the soft rumbling in her chest a balm to my worries. A feline I have raised since a whelpling, she was the same as I. we have both grown older, more reserved. Our teeth longer and claws sharper. Maybe it is not all bad, as I prattle into this box of electrodes. there is a coffee calling my name, the birds outside are chirping, reminding me we must all rise sometime.

[avedomineinferni]

Monday, July 22, 2024. Journal 2

 Saturday night I broke out of my chrysalis. Travelled to my home lake in the dead of night for this venture, feeling something akin to a Quasimodo of modern times. The giddiness and uncertainty I felt coursing through my marrow was celestial. Looking up into the shroud of dark skies I expanded and contracted my diaphragm before pulling off my shirt. Letting God himself and the entirety of the earth behold my survival before stepping forward. The twin scars that marked the underside of my pectorals glinted as the insignificant amount of light danced across the marred silver skin.

 The water was an inky black, the stars twinkling with their gentle mirth above me. I waded into the water as I felt an emotion brew in my chest. There I walked across the sharp stones that prodded at my paws, the sharp poking of my pads almost a rebuttal. A contradictory trial by fire as I walked until my femurs felt the cold darkness of the water. Taking a breath in before I submerged my flesh under the water. Immediately I felt my breath leave as if the very water was constricting around me akin to a leviathan serpent, whispering in malignant glee “Have you had enough?” I haven’t.

 Standing up I felt a peace there. As if the world stopped to stare as the droplets of water slid down me back to their home. It was there I was baptized in my blasphemy as a new man. In my pride, I felt my chrysalis crack. The long-awaited, insect-like wings cracked out of my back, dewy and new to the world. The boy is no longer a worm. The world has metamorphized an archfiend. Maybe there still is a fight in my broken-down essence, I have not had enough.

[avedomineinferni]

Hello there, Ill be posting journal entries and others stuffs here on this blog