auburnhaze

[auburnhaze]

One Year Ago.

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One year ago today,

I was the happiest I had ever been—

because I had you.

We were wrapped in love,

promises whispered like secrets,

forevers spoken as if they were unbreakable.

I trusted you.

I trusted us.

I built my world around the safety of your arms,

never once fearing the fall.

One year ago, I was whole.

I was yours.

I was happy.

And now—

now I can’t bear to look back.

Now, the memories cut deeper than the love ever held me.

Now, every “always” you gave me feels like a lie,

and every moment I thought was safe

was just time borrowed from heartbreak.

Now, I am not happy.

Now, I am just trying to forget

the girl I was

before you broke her.

[auburnhaze]

I will tell you one thing though?

I grew like hell from it.

- Brianna Pastor

[auburnhaze]

Right Where You Left Me;

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But i’ve been frozen in place, stuck in the moment you walked away, still clutching a love that turned to glass in my hands.

The door swung shut, but i never heard it close; I never heard the goodbye, only the echos of promises that never made it past your lips.

You could hear a pin drop- and i do every night, the silence is deafening, the weight of the past pressing heavy, the air is thick with everything unsaid.

I sit where you left me, a relic of something forgotten, watching time pass through fogged-up windows; watching life move on without me.

Do you ever look back? Do you think of the girl sitting in the bed guy shared, hands on heart, waiting for the ghost to return?

The world keeps spinning, the lights dim; the music changes.

But in stuck on the same song, the same scene.

The same unanswered questions-

You left, I stayed.

And maybe i’ll always be right where you left me.

[auburnhaze]

11:11

———————————

I wish for us. One last time.

One last plea to the universe, one last hope that you’ll hear me, wherever you are.

You always believed in second chances- in fixing what’s broken, in making things right; So why not us?

Why am I still the only one holding on?

I’ve tried to let you go, i’ve tried to tell myself that wishes are just words and time doesn’t move backwards-

but every night, everyday, when the clock strikes 11:11 i find myself wishing for you, Always.

If you ever loved me, if you ever meant it; just this once-

Make the wish too.

[auburnhaze]

The Way Things Go

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I watched you leave without a second glance,

while I stood frozen in the wreckage.

I traced your name in the dust on my mirror,

but love slipped through the cracks.

There’s nothing left to say, I guess,

I’m just the bigger guy.

I never thought you’d stoop so low—

know my biggest fears and leave me all alone.

The world moves on, the clocks keep turning,

but some hearts take longer to know—

not every love is meant to last,

I guess that’s just the way things go.

[auburnhaze]

Neverland Wasn’t Built to Last

a poem based on “Peter” by Taylor Swift

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You held my hand like a secret,

like something too fragile for the real world.

We swore we’d never grow up,

never let time sink its teeth into us.

But fairy tales end, even the best ones,

and I woke up one day to find

you were already gone.

I waited on the edge of our old world,

listening for your footsteps,

for a whisper in the wind—

Come back, let’s try again.

But Neverland wasn’t built to last,

and I was always meant to wake up alone.

The woman who sits by the window turned off the light,

and I knew then—

you weren’t coming back.

[auburnhaze]

“You can love them, forgive them, want good things for them… But still move on without them.”

— Mandy Hale

[auburnhaze]

- Mandeq Ahmed, 'Ocean of Tears'

[auburnhaze]

Heather Havrilesky

[auburnhaze]

Getting out of bed feels like lifting the weight of the world,

the covers a comforting fortress, the day a distant climb.

But every step, every moment of effort,

is worth the struggle,

because beyond the sheets, there’s a life waiting—

a life that’s worth facing,

one small victory at a time.

[auburnhaze]

The air feels thick, every breath a struggle,

my heart drums against my chest like a warning bell.

I close my eyes, trying to ground myself,

but the world spins faster than I can hold on.

I remind myself to say it—out loud, in my mind—

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 I just got through the last 5 seconds.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 i just got through the last 5 seconds.

Tightness grips my throat, panic squeezing every inch,

as my body shakes, eyes blurring at the edges.

I feel like I’m losing grip, losing time,

but the words come—slowly, carefully—

1, 2, 3, 4, 5— I just got through the last 5 seconds.

The pain in my chest is a relentless wave,

each breath coming shorter, shallower.

I tell myself it’s okay, it’s not the end,

and the mantra repeats, steady, like a lifeline—

1, 2, 3, 4, 5— I just got through the last 5 seconds.

The mind races, thoughts shattering in pieces,

but I hold on to the rhythm, the pulse of the words.

I remind myself again, gently urging—keep repeating—

1, 2, 3, 4, 5— I just got through the last 5 seconds.

Slowly, the storm subsides, breath finding its rhythm,

the shaking lessening, but the words stay—

still repeating, a quiet anchor to keep me from drifting.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5— I just got through the last 5 seconds.

—————————————————————

Because at the end of the day, all you can do is count.

Five simple numbers, each one a fragile thread that holds you together.

To some, it’s a faint echo, a hopeless gesture—but when the world feels too heavy,

sometimes the smallest act is all you have left.

And in those moments, you hold on to it,

you remind yourself—

“1, 2, 3, 4, 5— I just got through the last 5 seconds.”

[auburnhaze]

I still set a place for you at my table, as if love could be called home again, as if silence could be rewritten, as if my hands weren't still trembling in the echoes of yours.

Tell me, was it too much to need you? Too much to hope that love could outlive the storm? I trace the spaces where your voice used to live, trying to find the moment you decided I was no longer enough.

But if love has memory, if it has weight and breath and fire, then somewhere, you still feel me, too. And maybe, just maybe, we are not too late.