atouchofdrama

[atouchofdrama]

perfection-is-not-about-control​:

His instinct had been to argue that Thora was being stupid, that he was cold and he hadn’t gone running through the storm. But instead Denton nodded. If she wanted to be cold then let her be cold. “No problem,” he said, taking the cardigan he’d left resting on the back of his chair and pulling it on. He wanted to make small talk, ask about Sullivan, but that felt like it was against the very shaky truce they’d only just established so instead he said nothing, letting the sound of the storm filling the room. “We’re doing Barefoot in the Park,” he said after a few minutes of silence, hating that he was the one who broke and spoke first. Opening one of the bottom drawers of his desk, Denton’s fingers quickly found one of the extra bound copies of the script he’d thrown in there, sliding it across the desk for Thora to take.

The silence killed her. In all of their relationship, there was rarely silence. They were either talking or fighting. There were rare moments of peaceful silence, when they were sharing a bed and cuddling after, but for the most part, Denton and Thora lived and died on their words, their communication. It was another thing that was ruined in the wake of him leaving. She shouldn’t grieve it now. She wouldn’t. Still, when he spoke again, she looked over at him, seeing the script he slid over to her. It was too dark in the room to really read the script, but Thora knew the play. She had seen a production of it when she was thirteen years old. Her mom had taken her for a special girls night, but left Sulli with her dad. Thora had liked the play, though she was sure some of it went over her head. And she saw the movie years later. It was a solid premise for a show. Looking at the script, she murmured “I had heard rumors about You Can’t Take It With You...” but said nothing else for a moment until “I saw this play with my mom when I was thirteen. It’s a good choice.”

Thora had already resigned herself to never getting a lead in a production at this company, especially not now with Denton in the director’s chair. She wasn’t even sure she’d make the cut as an extra anymore, but just because she didn’t think she’d get the part of Corie (even though she was going to audition and she would nail it like she always did), it didn’t mean she couldn’t help someone else out. Potentially, that is. “I think when auditions come around, you should really consider Alfie Flores for Paul; I think he’d do brilliantly.” She bit her tongue from saying more, from saying that Alfie was one of their most talented actors and his talent was being utterly wasted in chorus roles.

[atouchofdrama]

perfection-is-not-about-control​:

Instinctively Denton wanted to argue because she was wrong. Or… she wasn’t entirely right. He had fucked things up with Thora despite having the best of intentions, but telling her all that wasn’t going to help anything. And explaining his reasons for getting married could only end in disaster… and possibly him getting yelled at by Thora. Deservedly so seeing as he’d gotten married because of a mix of loneliness from missing Thora and the urge to find someone whose loss wouldn’t hurt him. Yvonne was fantastic for exactly those reasons: he had an albeit momentarily distraction from his feelings and their divorce hadn’t hurt him… other than financially. The whole marriage/divorce had only served to cement his position as the fuck up of the family. 

“Sure,” he bit off the word, too tired to argue, but apparently not tired enough to sound kind of like a dick. He should’ve kept his mouth shut in the first place and they could’ve just sat there in tense, awkward silence. His phone lit up with a text from Lorelai, letting him know she’d made it to his place before the power had gone out and he smiled, glad that his older sister (and presumably her dog) were safe at his apartment. “Are you cold?” he asked, looking up from his phone. They didn’t have to talk, but no power meant no heating and he didn’t want Thora to get cold.

Thora had her arms wrapped around herself, both as a form of protection, a shield from letting anyone get too close, and also because she was somewhat cold after giving Sulli her jacket in the actual theather because her sister needed it more than her with her wet clothes. She didn’t know if she wanted to concede this point to Denton or not. Her dad always joked about Kotova women and their pride. It was something they all shared: her mother, herself, and even Sullivan, to an extent. And while it didn’t come out against each other for Thora and Sulli, Thora knew that part of her mom’s fucked up relationship with Sulli came from being a constant blow to her pride as a reminder of the one time her father had an affair. And while in some ways Thora was terrified of becoming her mother, she also didn’t want to give Denton an inch, because it would be so easy to just fall back into him like she always used to. “I’m fine.” She finally said. Closing her eyes, she took a breath. “But thanks for asking.” She added, in the spirit of their truce.

[atouchofdrama]

perfection-is-not-about-control​:

“Of course,” Denton answered without thinking. He wanted to say that there wasn’t really a need for a truce on his end, but keeping his mouth shut seemed like a better idea. Instead he led the way back to his office, clearing off the comfiest armchair for Thora before sitting down at his desk, the Maglite set so that it pointed at the floor and providing the room with some light. The silence that settled over the room felt… what? Uncomfortable? Suffocating? … maybe deserved (at least on his part). “I didn’t tell you I was taking over as director because I wanted to see you and I thought if you knew then you’d leave and I wouldn’t get to see you.” All that familial wealth and still he sounded like an idiot.

Despite the truce, Thora knew their emotions were both still running high. It was plain to see with the suffocating, choking silence, only heightened by the tension as she sat in the chair he cleared for her. It was made worse by the fact that there was a time when she would’ve told Denton anything and everything, even if it led to a fight (there was always at least half a chance that it would), because she trusted him, because she loved him. But she had to keep that part locked away now. It was better. It was better for her if she just moved on from Denton once and for all. She thought she was. She had gone on dates, several in the years since they’d broken up. She’d even had a boyfriend here and there, but never anything serious. They all just ran their course, ending after a date or a night or a month or three or whatever. Nothing had compared. She felt pathetic even thinking it. He had gotten married. Married. And yes, okay, he was divorced now, but he loved a random woman enough to marry her so soon after breaking Thora’s heart, and that fucking sucked to know. Even knowing how it ended up.

She had kept her eyes trained anywhere but on him, or even in his general direction; it was the best defense she had against him and this and whatever inconvenient, residual feelings were there. That was, until she heard his confession. Her head snapped to look him. She hated that her heart pounded and broke in the same moment. Five years. It had been five years, damn it. She was stronger than this. “Stop.” She said, automatically, closing her eyes, turning her head away from him again. “Stop. You don’t get to break my heart and then waltz back in five years later like nothing fucking happened. You left, Denton. With no warning. No goodbye. No nothing. And then, I don’t know, less than a year or so later, you’re fucking married? And now you show up saying you want to see me? Bullshit. If you wanted to see me, you had four years to make this trip. Four years. You don’t want to see me; you’re lonely.” It was the only solution that made sense in her mind.

[atouchofdrama]

perfection-is-not-about-control​:

Standing there for a moment, Denton held back a laugh while the hint of a grin formed on his lips. “That’s very clever of you.” The words had the hint of a smile to them. Giving the girl a salute (something he was sure earned him an eye roll). Leaving her to the accounting office, he stepped back into the hall and waited for Thora to join him. As he stood there he considered telling her that they should just both go to his office and be adults about the situation. Except that this situa ftion had begun because of him so instead, when Thora stepped into the hallway he shut the accounting office door and aimed the beam of the Maglite toward the office of the house manager. “Ralph’s office is the most likely to be unlocked.”

It was hard, walking away from her sister in this weather with the power situation what it was. It was even harder to do it because it meant having to face Denton alone. And it wasn’t like Thora had never done that, but whenever Sulli looked at her with Denton, Sulli always looked at her with this quiet confidence. This knowledege that she was a badass and didn’t need “Cubey” and she would be okay without him. And usually Thora could fake that until she thought she might really feel that. But whenever she looked at Denton, those thoughts and feelings softened, and she always wondered “what if?” What if he had stayed? What if she had gone? What if he hadn’t gotten married? What if he had stayed married? What if he hadn’t come back? And she wasn’t always happy with her answers to those questions, because it made her feel pathetic. Still, she followed the beam of the light and nodded with a shrug. There was so much she wanted to do and say -some bad and some good- but she didn’t have the energy to fight right now. She was tired. Trying to say goodbye had been emotional, everyone telling her to stay had been emotional. She had nothing left to give to this fight with Denton. Not right now. And wasn’t that so classically them? Fighting and fighting and fighting until they decided they didn’t want to be anymore? At least for a moment? She sighed. “Look, can we just... can we just call a temporary truce because of the shitty fucking circumstances? I’m tried and I don’t want to waste the energy I have being pissed at you right now.”

[atouchofdrama]

perfection-is-not-about-control​:

She had one foot out the door and then she had to go and throw that at him. Not that she didn’t have every right to, but it… what could he tell her? How could he possibly explain how callously he’d left, much less his hasty marriage to Yvonne? He couldn’t… or he could, but in no way that he felt would be satisfactory, that might provide Thora with closure. He assumed that’s what she wanted from him: closure. “It’s easier that way for both of us, don’t you think?”

Was it easier? There were a lot of things she thought about her relationship with Denton and what it was: passionate, deep, meaningful, scary, love-of-your-life status (she didn’t like thinking about that last one though), but easy wasn’t one she would always use for it. Sulli used to compare them to Noah and Allie from The Notebook, with how much they could be bickering about something unimportant and then making out the next moment. But even with that, for awhile, Denton had been one of her people. Like Alfie. Like Sulli. It wasn’t just a fight and fuck situation. Thora had been in love with him. Even now, there was a part of her, a small but not insubstantial, part of her that wanted to go to him, wanted to fall into his arms and jjust... forget everything for awhile. She wanted to get swept up in them again. And she hated that part of herself. She couldn’t do it.

“No, honestly, I think it was easier for you and that’s why you did it. You got to keep the upper hand and got to be far away before I realized the damage you made. And then, any sadness or hurt or regret you did feel, you seemed to get over just fine enough. Pretty quickly too, if memory serves.” Why, why did she do this? Denton was someone who could hurt her, who had hurt her. But she didn’t want to stop engaging in this fight. As pathetic as it was, it was the last time she’d probably ever see him. And she wasn’t sure if she was ready to let that go yet. And yes, she was furious at herself for it. Thora turned to face him again, prepared for whatever he was going to say next, building her walls as fast as she could.

[atouchofdrama]

Alfie: If I was a disney princess wouldn't it be until midnight?

Alfie: Disney has too many princesses and most of suck.

Thora: I was actually referencing Ariel, the worst Disney princess, imo. But I guess that just proves your point.

[atouchofdrama]

Alfie: I can live with that. Just give me an hour of big headedness.

Alfie: Two weeks. Give me two weeks.

Thora: What about three days? You could be like a disney princess.

[atouchofdrama]

Alfie: Like I said: IT'S FINE!

Alfie: It's fine. I've accepted it. Maybe next time I'll get to have two lines. If that happens I hope the fame doesn't immediately go to my head.

Thora: It will. Your head will swell up like a balloon and you'll be completely insufferable to everyone.

Thora: And then I'll bring Sulli in and she'll pop your ego to where it's back to normal and everything will be right with the world.

[atouchofdrama]

Alfie: I get it. I'm not as funny as Sulli. It's fine.

Alfie: (aye aye)

Alfie: I would NEVER replace you with Lisa. Ever.

Alfie: Unless she paid me.

Alfie: Not even if she paid me.

Thora: You'll just have to accept that this is why you're second best to a sixteen-year-old in my heart. Your comedy pales in comparison to hers. It's the dry teenage wit. Perhaps one day, when she's older, you can pass her, but idk. Sulli's very witty.

Thora: ....

Thora: Real talk though? You're too talented to play opposite Lisa anyway. I like Lisa, she's fine when she's not trying to death glare me, but she doesn't have the presence and talent you do. I hope Denton realizes that at least.

[atouchofdrama]

Alfie: That's funny. Sulli's a funny kid.

Alfie: Fuck. I'm going to have to make nice with that guy too.

Alfie: Eh. I'm always in the background so I can give him all the stink eye I want.

Thora: I don't mean this as an exaggeration when I say she's the absolute best part of my life.

Thora: (also banana chocolate chip on that muffin, I'm indulging)

Thora: If I had to be in the background with anyone, I'm glad it was you. Please don't replace me with Lisa. She gave me snarky looks all throughout the run of our last show because we did fun background things together.

[atouchofdrama]

Alfie: Oh, that's bad.

Alfie: So I will have an application and a muffin waiting for you and will make you a fancy latte when you get here.

Alfie: Chocolate chip, blueberry, carrot or lemon poppy seed?

Alfie: Why is he cubed?

Thora: A fucking disaster, but thanks, A. You're a good friend

Thora: Banana Chocolate chip

Thora: Because Sulli was trying to make me feel better after we found out about the wedding, and she said "You deserve better than a junior to someone else's junior to someone else's junior. A junior junior junior. Or, as we scholars call it, junior cubed." So it's how we refer to him now. Exclusively.

[atouchofdrama]

Alfie: I'm not going to criticize, but I am going to need you to explain some things.

Thora: Our new director is my ex. You know, the one who got married super quickly after he and I broke up? That one. Not that any ex would make this situation better, but.

Thora: Why did it have to be Junior Cubed? As Sulli calls him.

[atouchofdrama]

perfection-is-not-about-control​:

He wanted to tell her that that was one of the reasons he’d taken the job, talented people being shunted into the background, but didn’t. Would she believe him? Unlikely and he wouldn’t blame her. He tried to will himself to say something, anything, that would convince Thora to… Denton didn’t let himself to finish the thought. She’d made up her mind and he wasn’t the one to get her to stay. Which… driving her away he was very capable at. “I won’t keep you then.” Turning away from Thora, he felt disappointed in himself. If she slapped him upside the head just then he wouldn’t blame her.

And it was over. Done. She had no reason to stay in that office. She had no reason to say anything more to him. Loving Denton the first time around had nearly destroyed her. It had blazed so hot and wild, she would’ve done anything for him. It was why it hurt so badly after they broke up to hear how quickly he had moved on. It was why feeling anger at Denton was easier than feeling anything else, because anything else fucking hurt. She had been on dates since their relationship, she wasn’t a total shut in, but in some ways, Denton had poisoned her to that, too. She wanted the passion they had, the heat she felt around him, the pull, the draw. But it never happened with any of the other men, and so they all fizzled out. There was nothing else to say. She had done what she had came there to do (and gave up a job she absolutely loved), and Thora could just go on with her life. She could. She should. 

She stood up a little straighter and before she could help herself, the words came tumbling out of her mouth (because she wasn’t going to be in his employ anymore, who cared? Might as well scorch the whole earth along with her). “You really fucking hurt me and it’s like you don’t even care at all.”

[atouchofdrama]

Thora: Hey, what are the chances you could get me an application and a glowing letter of recommendation to The Spotted Elephant? I just quit my job at the theater.

Thora: I'm not taking criticism at this time, but I am on my way to the coffee shop for that application and some caffeine.

Thora: And a muffin because I fucking deserve one today.

[atouchofdrama]

perfection-is-not-about-control​:

He’d been trying to compliment her and, for her reaction, he had failed spectacularly. But that was par for the course with them at that point. There was still the option to lie and say he didn’t have her email or cell, but unless she’d changed either one he was still in possession of both and… Denton had made the decision to not let her know he was taking over as director at her theater. He was going to have to deal with the fallout. Rather than fight Thora on getting to choose how she said goodbye to everyone, he nodded. “Fine, do what you want. Though I didn’t mean that- you know what? I doesn’t matter what I meant. Just… say your goodbyes however you want.” 

There was a tense moment of silence before he spoke again, this time his voice much quieter. “I said usually because your performance was memorable.” He didn’t know why he’d said it as with the current state of things between them it could only serve to piss her off further. He didn’t really expect her to even believe him.

This was pointless, he was right? What had her father always said about Kotova women and their rage? It was powerful, but needed to harnessed, filtered, so it didn’t end up burning the woman down with it. Standing there, in front of Denton, having technically just quit her job, Thora felt herself burning, turning to ash. She knew she would be okay. She had to be. She would transfer to community theater, and if the pay from that wasn’t great, She knew Mia was always willing to accept applications at The Spotted Elephant. And that way she could still see Alfie on a much more regular basis and still provide for herself and Sulli. Sure, she’d miss everyone in the troupe, despite her problems with it, but was it really worth surviving Denton? She had barely survived him the first time. And she couldn’t -wouldn’t- do it again. She wasn’t strong enough. “I will.” She said, giving a firm nod.

His words didn’t surprise her like they probably should have. Here was a secret about Thora: she knew she was a good actress. She knew she was talented. She always knew her own self worth and she also knew that in some way, under the old direction, it was being wasted. And she couldn’t imagine that changing now with her ex at the head of those choices. “Yeah, well, it’s a shame. We have a lot of talented people here who don’t get the recognition they deserve,” herself. Alfie. A few others who always were background with them. She took a deep breath, trying to calm the fire still raging inside her. Thora knew a lot of people thought she suffered from Resting Bitch Face, and Thora rarely had the opportunity to correct them and say “No, actually I’m just a bitch.” But he felt it in that moment. “I think we’re done here, Denton. I wish the theater the best, but I don’t know if I can be here.” She still wanted to be, though. More than she could say.

[atouchofdrama]

perfection-is-not-about-control​:

“Right. See, you get it so since you already knew I only think of myself I’m assuming bursting into my office was just you being theatrical for theatrics sake.” He’d missed her. Even having her burst into a room, glaring and angry… he’d missed her. Which was a problem since he had hoped that once he saw her he’d feel nothing other than mild annoyance, but then again he had a tendency to be an occasional idiot. Per his father he was an idiot more often than not which… he felt like his one ill-advised marriage while on the rebound had an expiration date as to how long it could be used against him and was now well past that date by now. 

He’d expected a lot of things, but what Thora said next… that he had not been expecting. It caused his composure to falter for a moment, silence settling over them as the words fully set in. Denton felt like saying something flippant, like that this “meeting” could’ve been an email, but didn’t. He’d managed to be a dick once without getting slapped, twice might be pushing it. “Alright.” Not his best reaction, but also not his worst. “It’s a shame to have you leave, but since that’s what you want… I’ll email whoever I need to about this.” Outwardly he was very much himself, calm with the posture of someone who was just a little bit cocky, but inwardly he felt himself sag. Though if she was quitting then he didn’t have to worry about walking on eggshells around her. “You know a character like Lady Macduff… she’s such a small role that it usually renders a performance unmemorable at worst and lost in the crush of all the other characters at best.”

In some ways, Thora felt she had been slapped. She hadn’t expected him to care about her leaving (if he had given two shits about her, he would’ve given her a warning), but it was the comment about her stupid role as Lady MacDuff was what broke the camel’s back. It seemed like Denton was saying she was forgettable either way: either outright or because of everything else going on. She had hated that play for a multitude of reasons, some textual and some personal. But it didn’t matter. None of this fucking mattered. She shook her head. “No,” She said, “clearly you don’t know how to send emails because if you did, I would’ve gotten one. I want to quit in my own way and tell everyone goodbye. Because these people mean something to me, Denton. Too bad that’s a foreign concept for you.” Thora was being mean and she knew it, but she couldn’t make herself stop, couldn’t put her foot on the metaphorical brake long enough to.

[atouchofdrama]

perfection-is-not-about-control​:

Being very aware of the fact that he’d been offered the position of director for the theater was due to who his father was didn’t dull the joy he felt… at least not by much. If the hope that Denton Ford-Cleary III would invest money in the theater was what got him the job then he’d take it. And if he felt like an impostor… that’d be his problem to deal with. The office he’d been given wasn’t the one that had been vacated by the retiring director which felt a little backhanded, though at least it meant that at least one way Denton wouldn’t be compared to the previous director… though the other guy’s office was bigger. And nicer.

He’d brought in a couple of boxes with him, containing mostly plays and knickknacks. The desk that’d been provided for him was already stocked with the basics and he didn’t have anything to add to it apart from the rubber band ball he’d tossed into one of the drawers. Pausing for a moment, his thoughts drifted to Thora and, as if it’d summoned her, she came bursting into his office, looking beyond pissed. “Nice to see you again, Thora,” he said, crossing from behind his desk and closed the door behind her, unconsciously (or not) positioning himself closer to his ex-girlfriend than he had been in years. Not that he’d admit, but he had considered letting her know before he took the position. Or at least give her a heads up before he showed up there, but in the end he’d talked himself out of it and now the pissed off actress in his office was something he’d done to himself. “I don’t generally make it a point of contacting my exes about what I’m doing with my life.”

When he stepped closer, even if just to close the door, Thora immediately felt herself stepping back, putting space between them, for a multitude of reasons. The first and most obvious reason was that if he was in smacking distance of her, she didn’t know if she would be able to stop herself, and she really didn’t want to get fired for assaulting the director. If and when she left this troupe, she wanted it to be on her own terms. Not because Denton happened to piss her off. The other reason was more complicated than the first, and it was that being close to Denton after all of this time made her feel... weird. She was over their relationship. Really. She was. But it was still hard to be close to him. Taking a deep breath through her nose, she tried to calm down, even as his next comment sent the fire swirling inside her again. She grit her teeth, glaring at him. “Well, if what you’re doing with your life involves said ex, it’s common courtesy to let them know. But am I really that surprised? No, you always could be an asshole when you wanted to. Why think of anyone but yourself, right?”

Thora exhaled through her nose. She had to do what was coming next, even if it hurt, even if it would hurt her, she had to do it. “I’m quitting.” Part of her wished she was bluffing, but the other part of her knew she was prepared to go back to the rotating casts of community theater, even with people much younger (and more talented, she was secure enough to admit that) than her. She could kiss ever getting a starring role goodbye, but it wasn’t like she had many in this troupe either. And with Denton directing? If she magically got a lead role, she’d feel weird about it. Like it was a present given to her by her ex. She wanted to know she could do this on her own.