atlantisknits

[atlantisknits]

4- Feeling tangled, casting on the Weekend Slipover V-Neck Edition

Hi hello

So, life has been kinda crazy lately…

But, when isn’t it?

I feel like life is forever throwing things at me that I have to try and bat away somehow. However, usually I wind up turning to the same repetitive behaviours. Honestly, knitting probably counts as one of these behaviours- it’s something I can do even when I’m stressed or there’s a lot going on and I don’t need to focus too much of my energy on it and the repetitive motion helps to distract my mind…or allows it to carry on overthinking, but makes me feel better because at least I’m doing something ‘productive’. 

I often find myself feeling guilty or anxious if I’m not doing something ‘productive’ and have found myself boxed in this mindset. However, this is counterproductive as I then overwhelm myself by thinking of all the things I could or should be doing and then just end up avoiding things and procrastinating and this isn’t helping me get anywhere. 

And, I think that’s the thing- I feel so tangled up by everything going on around me I feel trapped in this net and it’s preventing me from moving forward. This also sucks when everyone else around me seems to be moving on with their lives and I’m still trying to find a way out of my parent’s place and into a career that actually suits me and what I want out of my life. 

Even though, yes, it’s possible that knitting has become somewhat of a coping mechanism for me and there’s a chance that perhaps I need to limit time spent knitting to focus on other things. However, knitting has also become a passion and I’m so happy to have stumbled upon this hobby. By ‘passion’, I do not mean to say that I am talented or good at knitting and I want to make a career from it somehow, but if it did ever reach that point I think this would fit in more with my actual dreams and interests to where I’m at currently. As a kid, tween, teen, if I was ever asked what I wanted to do when I grow up my answers would normally consist of artist, fashion designer, writer. Yet, somehow those dreams got undermined and somewhere down the road I had to put them to one side and focus on something more ‘academic’ if I wanted to get myself a decent career.

Well, I studied for four years and now have a degree sat on a shelf doing nothing. I am struggling and find myself turning to creative hobbies in an effort to cope through this and in doing so have re-discovered these old dreams. 

For a while I couldn’t see a future for myself (and I do not mean that to sound as dark as it does but we move lol). The future I had thought out for myself I was basically pulled away from, I then started a new path, that was taken from me and it reached a point where I felt like I had been pushed and pulled in so many different directions that when it came to me actually focusing on myself and what I wanted from my life I couldn’t figure that out- it felt like whatever I would decide on would be the wrong decision. So, I was just left in this tangled mess. 

Yet, as my twenty-seventh birthday looms I realise now more than ever that I must navigate through this and find my way out. It will take some patience with myself as well as my circumstances, but I’m hoping that little by little the more I untangle these knots I will be able to see a future that I want for myself and not a future that has been planned out for me. 

That being said, I believe knitting has taught me a lot of patience. As an anxious person I find myself constantly on edge and this can make me very impatient with pretty much everything. However, I learnt that I couldn’t moan at my own mistakes and errors if I had impatiently rushed through certain parts of a project or skipped over learning certain points properly. I think this has begun to show in the pieces I create and it’s pleasing to see how my work has improved with time. 

I recently cast on the Weekend Slipover V-Neck edition by Petite Knit and since casting it on I’ve noticed how things I have learnt have stuck with me, meaning before I have even finished this project I am feeling a sense of achievement from it and I will take any small wins right now. What’s also great about this project is that it’s an opportunity to finally try out Knitting For Olive yarn! I have been looking to treat myself to some KFO for a while now and after a turbulent couple of weeks I decided I needed a treat. I opted for the Heavy Merino and Soft Silk Mohair both in Plum Clay- the colour is so beautiful, a muted purple colour that looks more brown or purple in certain lighting. I had originally considered a dark brown, but for some reason purple has been on my mind a lot lately and I guess that’s what drew me to this shade. 

There is a rather funny story about this yarn, however. The yarn was shipped from Denmark and then once in the UK I was informed it would be delivered through Royal Mail. I instantly knew that something was going to happen to this parcel and of course I was correct. 

I had gone to the hairdresser’s and returned home to an email that my parcel had been delivered. My dad was home, but there was no parcel in sight and no note to say it had been left next door. I scrolled through the email and all I was offered was an image of my parcel stuffed behind someone’s planter…we don’t have planters nor do our neighbours. So, I had to wander around the block to see if I could spot a planter that looked like the one in the image. After a couple of hours of some questionable detective skills I finally tracked down my parcel- the yarn was found safe and sound thanks to a very nice lady. 

On that note I think I will leave my incoherent ramblings there for today. To whoever is reading this, I hope you are well and if you are also feeling a little caught up in life right now I hope things ease for you soon also.

Happy knitting xo

Images originally featured on my Instagram: atlantis.knits 

[atlantisknits]

3 - Knits and Charity Shop Fits

Hi hello

I’ve never really been one to buy much when it comes to clothing, I like to get wear out of the things I own, I take my time with my choices wanting to know if a piece of clothing will last me and if I genuinely really like it and whether it will fit in with other items already in my wardrobe. Since I started knitting this seemed to be emphasised as I began to realise not only the price of yarns and needles but also the amount of time and effort that goes into creating a piece. From a young age I’ve been aware of the impacts of fast fashion, but I’ve noticed over the past couple of years this seems to be getting more coverage and more awareness raised as the climate crisis only worsens. 

The fashion industry is one of the biggest contributors to the world’s pollution and after having also worked in what was labelled as ‘accessible luxury fashion’ and seeing the vast amounts of plastic used during my time doing so I began to feel like a hypocrite. How could I say I care about the impact the industry was having on the planet when each day I was peeling off thin protective layers of plastic from individual items of clothing? Every single piece that came into store would be covered in this plastic and multiple bags would be filled and taken to the bins with each delivery. 

Knitting in itself is a slow process and before even beginning a project there is the thought process that goes behind what that project is even going to be. For me that mostly just involves choosing a pattern from a vast range and then deciding on the yarn for that pattern. For designers this is an even bigger process- the designing of the garment, the amount of maths that goes into this, the actual knitting, making any changes to the design, writing out the pattern, having the pattern test-knitted, so much hard work, time and effort to finally be able to release a pattern. I admire anyone who has the skill to do this. 

When I first started learning how to knit I decided that I would make any item I wanted to buy and if I couldn’t knit it I would consider my purchase if I were to buy new, however as someone who was already an avid charity shop fan I knew I would be able to find some gems as and when. 

This blazer was one of those gems and I love being able to combine charity shop finds with my knits and being able to really tailor my style this way from the thought that goes into the things I want to create to the thought that goes into my consumer habits. 

For a couple of years I felt like I was having a bit of an identity crisis (in more ways than one lol), but taking a step back and considering my choices has actually focused that and I feel as though I’ve begun to reach a point where I’m more aware of myself and the things I like instead of just falling into whatever is on trend in a certain moment. 

I enjoy fashion, looking at trends and the creativity that goes into the design process, however I can’t help but hurt when I see the industry’s impact on the planet. I hope that by slowing down and making small changes I can contribute less to this. 

Pattern featured: the Marseille Sweater by Petite Knit

Yarn used: Sandes Garn Double Sunday

Original Images posted to my Instagram account: atlantis.knits

[atlantisknits]

2 - Perseverance, small steps and a new FO

Hi hello,

Honestly, I was hoping to be able to write something sooner but I have not been in the right frame of mind to do so. For a while I’ve been feeling like I’ve been trapped by my circumstances, these things had been lowering me down to somewhere I didn’t want to be until last week the string that had been dangling me snapped and I hit a real low. I was left alone with my thoughts, for a week my mind spiralled until it reached a point where my body was shaking from lack of food and the stress I was under. This went on until the week passed and I realised that I could break out of this even if it means this pain lasts a little while longer, it would be worth it just to get out of this box I’m in and to be able to reach my full potential, or to at least figure out what that potential may be. 

Before this hellish week had begun where I accomplished nothing I did at least finish something that I had been working on for a little while - my Elisabeth Blouse by the wonderful Petite Knit. One night I stayed up until the early hours of the morning and finally bound off my last sleeve in a rosé fuelled knitting marathon only to wake up hours later to sit and weave in all the loose ends whilst sat in bed watching Next in Fashion (if you have been watching please let me know your thoughts and who your winner is/was).

I had been looking forward to knitting this pattern before it was even released- it was such a beautiful basic and I didn’t have anything like it in my wardrobe. Before my yarn had even arrived I was already thinking of potential outfits. I had spent hours pondering yarn choices and colour options and crossed my fingers that I had made the right choice. I had opted for Filcolana Pernilla as this is one of the yarn options the pattern suggests and is actually also the cheapest (I’m from the UK and ordered from KNiTT). 

Admittedly, this was my first time knitting a collar which I was a little nervous about and now looking at the FO I know it could have been a little neater, but for my first attempt I don’t think it’s too bad! Something else I noticed about this project was that my gauge seemed to be a little iffy meaning my stitches didn’t look as neat as I would have preferred. However, blocking totally worked its magic and evened everything out so much. I’m not exaggerating when I say that Filcolana Pernilla blocks beautifully. It also dried so quickly, which of course is an added perk as it just meant I got to wear my Elisabeth Blouse sooner. 

Now, let’s talk about the fit. Before blocking, I had my concerns. After blocking, I was in love. The length of the sleeves and the body are just right. The cut of the neckline isn’t too low that I would be self conscious or constantly trying to move or adjust it. 

The fabric is lightweight and ideal for layering making it a great transitional piece, although I was genuinely surprised by how warm a fabric the Filcolana Pernilla made. I’m also really happy with my colour choice and think it will work all year around (perhaps not the height of summer however haha, although with British weather you never know). 

I got weirdly emotional when I did finally finish my Elisabeth Blouse and then wearing it for the first time. There had been a few points where I just felt like giving up on it- I was so up in my head about stuff that I had going on that I was struggling to find the motivation to continue. However, I pushed through and the sense of accomplishment from having done so was definitely worth it- being able to take a second to acknowledge all the time and effort I had put into creating something by hand. 

This will act as a reminder to persevere and of what I am capable of when I do so. 

Also, in between writing this I had a telephone consultation to discuss my endo symptoms and treatment and was told that I could potentially be placed on a waiting list for surgery to help treat my endo pain. I had felt like I was getting nowhere with my treatment or being taken seriously so this definitely feels like a small win and hopefully a step in the right direction. 

It might only be a small step but it’s another step forward. 

Pattern: the Elisabeth Blouse by Petite Knit

Yarn: Filcolana Pernilla in shade Chai

Images originally posted to my Instagram: atlantis.knits

[atlantisknits]

1 - Trust the Process

Hi, hello,

I had originally considered creating some kind of YouTube channel, but after realising that I do not have the right kind of set up or environment (I am twenty-six and still live at home, it’s a touchy subject) I decided this may not be the most practical idea and would be difficult to stay consistent with posting as there would forever be some level of background noise or interference. 

So, here I am, I guess- writing down my incoherent thoughts about my hobby.

I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Alanis. I’m a millennial who is still trying to figure out their life and who has turned to a hobby to try and figure that out- in this case, that hobby is knitting. You may think that is an over exaggeration to an extent…perhaps. However, since I started knitting back in November 2021 it has given me something to focus on. My teenie tiny brain that had spent so much time spinning around inside my skull now had something to ease that. I enjoyed the sense of learning something new whilst also being rewarded at the end of a project with something cute I could wear. 

As someone who considers themselves to be ‘naturally creative’ I’ve often been drawn to expressing myself through art or writing, yet I often would try to explain to people how I felt like I needed something tangible- something that I could make with my hands and morph and shape, watching it grow in the process of creation. It surprised me how knitting hadn’t come to me sooner.  

However, knitting came to me at a time when I needed it most. I had recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and adenomyosis and was struggling to process this after what had been a long and tiring process to even reach this point. 

2020 was a strange year for many as the pandemic hit us all. As lockdown started in March 2020 I had already been self-isolating with some flu-like symptoms. However, after a couple of days these passed…only for me to be hit with the worst pain I had ever experienced. The pain was so intense I had felt nothing like it before. It felt like my insides had exploded- I was shaking uncontrollably, my skin was on fire, I was sweating, I was throwing up from the pain and was on the verge of blacking out as I tried to drag myself to the bathroom. I remember thinking to myself, ‘surely this is a ten, this is ten out of ten pain, I’m gonna die.’ In normal circumstances most people would have gone to A&E, however as the country had been told to avoid A&E due to Covid I had to endure the pain from my bedroom floor. All I could do was curl up and hope that this pain passed as my body flinched and I would cry out in agony. 

Eventually, the pain did ease, but didn’t go away. Every day I was in some level of pain- shooting, acidic, constricting, cramping, throbbing. I felt like my body was broken, something inside me didn’t feel right and it was from here that I decided to seek help. It wasn’t until months later and after various second opinions that endometriosis was actually mentioned to me. I find it funny how at this time I had recently finished reading Sally Rooney’s Conversations With Friends. As I read I realised how much I related to the symptoms mentioned and this is how I first began to read more into endometriosis. This book now holds special importance to me. 

Jumping forward, in October 2021 after multiple appointments, tests and scans I got the answers to what had been causing my pain. Throughout this journey I had felt so confused and out of touch with myself- I was constantly exhausted from being in pain and having to explain my symptoms to medical professionals who weren’t willing to understand, I was lonely from being isolated through lockdown and also after coming out of a long-term relationship- I was having to learn how to be on my own in a time where I guess everyone was feeling pretty alone. There was a sense of irony having the guy I had spent six years with turn around and tell me he doesn’t want kids to then be told that whatever was going on inside me could affect my potential to do so. It’s not that I even particularly wanted/want kids, but I guess when you’re in a relationship the social standard is to one day move in together, get married, start a family. 

During the appointment where I was diagnosed surgery had been discussed to remove the hemorrhagic cyst in my left ovary, but given its size and location I was told there was the potential that I could lose my ovary. Usually surgery is suggested as a treatment to remove any cysts and endometriosis tissue through a laparoscopy and from here a ‘confirmed’ diagnosis can be given and also at what stage the disease is at, so without surgery not only am I left with the issue at hand but also a sense of imposter syndrome as even though through the multiple scans and tests I’ve undergone apparently endometriosis still can’t be ‘confirmed’ until a sample has been taken through surgery and been sent off for testing. With this a hysterectomy was also mentioned to me with regards to the adenomyosis as unlike endometriosis which can be cut or burnt away with surgery (with the potential of growing back) the same can’t be done for adenomyosis. However, over a year has passed since then and now again I can’t help but notice further irony as despite them being reluctant to press surgery as an option in order to protect my fertility I am now left with endo and adeno messing up my insides further. 

I was also concerned about my job- in a sense I was grateful for the lockdowns as I would not have been able to work in the state I was in. But, ultimately it did reach a point where I left my job. I felt like so many people had already walked out of my life through this and now I was walking away from my job as I couldn’t hack it. I reached a point of real self-hatred. My mind would tell me how pathetic I was, I would watch as everyone around me would move on with their lives whereas I felt like I was being pulled backwards. I was a failure. I didn’t see the point in anything. 

It wasn’t until I went out for coffee one afternoon with close friends that knitting had even crossed my mind. I urged myself to be present and not allow my mind to wander to negative self-talk, but when knitting came up in conversation something sparked at the back of that empty space. From there my brain would not stop thinking about it- I went home and started researching ‘how to knit.’ The next day I went to my local yarn store (I am fortunate enough to have a lovely yarn store in my town), I walked in, said, “I want to learn how to knit. What do I need?” I left with some circular needles and some balls of Drops Lima in my bag…only for my mum to look at my tiny needles and to tell me to perhaps try something chunkier to start with. 

From there began a journey of learning various skills and enjoying discovering new ideas and inspiration. It started with some dodgy garter stitch blankets and stockinette scarfs to an intarsia jumper I had knitted in totally the wrong gauge (but still love) to now a love of designers such as Petite Knit, My Favourite Things Knitwear and Knitting For Olive. Now, german short rows and italian bind-off don’t intimidate me like maybe they once would have. I remind myself that if there’s something I want to do I should just do it and learn along the way and that’s something I have stuck by. Impulsive? Maybe. But, does it push me to experiment and explore my hobby further? Yes. 

This is also something that can be applied to everyday life. Just do the thing and learn along the way- enjoy the process. 

Over the past couple of months I have come to realise that life is a process. Adapting to life with a chronic illness has meant that my life has slowed down somewhat and I have had to adjust my pace. Not everyone’s pace matches and it’s cool if mine doesn’t match those around me, just like it’s cool if I don’t churn out multiple gorgeous knitted projects each month. Just because I don’t have the life I had envisioned by now doesn’t mean it won’t come to me one day, things take time and if ‘my time’ wants to take its time, then cool. 

I’ll sit and chill with my knitting in the meantime. 

I would love to hear what project you’re currently working on- doesn’t necessarily have to be knitting related! I want to make this a little space to talk about the joy of knitting and a little sprinkle of life as well (lol hopefully know the backstory is out of the way things will be less depressing). I hope this is something fellow knitters (and non-knitters) may find interesting!

Much love and happy knitting! xo

Current Project: Elisabeth Blouse by Petite Knit

Yarn: Filcolana Pernilla in shade Chai

Original image posted to my Instagram account: atlantis.knits