atashigenoge

[atashigenoge]

Pathetic

TW: negative self-talk, mentions of sh

"I'm begging you…"

The sun hasn't even risen yet, but my alarm clock is already ringing at 5 o'clock in the morning, as usual. But do not worry, my mind is awake the very second it rings, so I turn it off before it can even wake you up, ░ｍ░ ░ｙ░ ░ｌ░ ░ｏ░ ░ｖ░ ░ｅ░

I quietly leave the room and shut the door after giving you a tender glance, kissing your forehead, and running my fingers through your hair. !ƚɒʜƚ bᴎoʏɘd ǫᴎiʜƚʏᴎɒ ob oƚ Ꮈ|ɘꙅʏm wo||ɒ ƚ'ᴎb|uow I ,ɿɒɘwꙅ I !Ꮈ|ɘꙅʏm ǫᴎi||oɿƚᴎoɔ ꙅɒw I ,ɿɒɘwꙅ I

I stretch with a smile because we've got such a wonderful day ahead! I drink lemon water, take my vitamins and do pull-ups while watching the sun rise. T͓̊r͓̊ẙ͓i͓̊n͓̊g͓̊ t͓̊o͓̊ d͓̊r͓̊i͓̊v͓̊e͓̊ t͓̊h͓̊e͓̊ t͓̊h͓̊o͓̊ů͓g͓̊h͓̊t͓̊s͓̊ o͓̊f͓̊ d͓̊e͓̊s͓̊p͓̊å͓i͓̊r͓̊ o͓̊f͓̊f͓̊,͓̊ I turn my face to the warm stream of love sunlight and feel my body fill with energy. Yeah. It definitely helped me feel better, just like my therapist said!

I smile maniacally, looking out the window, whispering:

"I'm happy. I'm healthy. The sun helped me. The pills helped me. I'm happy. I-"

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

I start making breakfast for the two of us - just 20 minutes before you wake up! ᵢ ᵂᴬₙᴺₐ ₛᴱₑ ʸᴼᵤᴿ ˢₘᴵₗᴱ ᴵ ᵂₐᴺₙᴬ ᶠₑᴱₗ ʸᴼᵤᴿ ᴱₘᴮᵣᴬᶜᴱ ᴵ ᵂₐᴺₙᴬ ᴴₑᴬᵣ ʸᴼᵤ ₛᴬʸ ʸᴼᵤ ₙᴱₑᴰ ᴹₑ ᵢ ᵂᴬₙᴺₐ ᵦᴱ ᵁₛᴱᶠᵁₗ ₜᴼ ʸₒᵁ ᶜₐᵁₛᴱ ᵀₕᴱₙ ʸᴼᵤ ᵂᴼₙ'ₜ ₗᴱₐⱽₑ ᵣᴵᴳᴴₜ

I hold my head in my hands and crouch down, trying to protect myself from the intrusive demonic thoughts in my head. But I know that I can't hide from them.

I'm alone in this world. No one's gonna protect me, no one's gonna love me. No one will hug me. Because I'm nothing.

They're surrounding me. They're laughing at me. Everyone hates me, right?

It's getting harder to breathe by the second, and my body is panicking and sending the signals of pain that I can't handle anymore.

The burning smell seems to sober me up. I get up and turn the stove off, looking at the black lump on the frying pan with disgust.

I can't help but chuckle at the thought that it is me. I take it in my hands with a giggle, burning my fingers, and stuff it into my mouth. My eyes immediately tear up and the tears roll down my cheeks from the immense pain that burns my tongue and the remnants of my ego.

That's right. I am like this because I'm me. Pathetic and unlovable. Who am I trying to fool?

My gaze falls on the knife.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

I gasp sharply when I hear the door open.

I cannot hide from you. My eyes are tearful, my face is swollen, my sleeves are stained with blood. But I still cross the kitchen in a second and fall at your feet, my angel, my savior, my only love…

I raise my head with fear, meeting your confused, concerned gaze. You kneel down, trying to understand what happened, but I can't even hear you…

I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE. I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE.

Clutching the fabric of your pants, as if afraid to actually touch the skin of the pure, beautiful creature, but afraid to let go, I look into your eyes, afraid to see disgust in them. Tears stream down my face again as I sob loudly, not even trying to control myself at this point.

"No one, no one will ever love someone like me… The cruel Moirai have defined my death as a lonely one, my life as one without love."

I no longer have any control over the flow of thoughts I pour down onto you.

“I’m pathetic, I’m not human, I’m worth absolutely nothing… I can’t do anything, no one needs me… but…”

I lower my head in a deep ritual bow.

"Please, please… don't leave me. I will do anything, anything for you. I will be useful to you, I swear!"

In a fit of despair and anger at myself, I grab your hand, enjoying the warmth of your touch. Only you bring peace and happiness to my world…

I'll do anything - I'll cook for you, I'll buy you anything you want, I̾ͩ'ͅv̫̟ͭ̇ͣ̋e͆ a͉͆ͩl̸ͧ̊r͠e͐̆̍̇͟a̫͉̲͚͊́ͧd̲̮̮͑͐̏̕y̌ c̼͇͈a͈ͮ̕ͅrͥv̋ȩͅd̏̔͜ͅ my̟͚ͮͦͯ͟ ṉ̮̥͂ͫ̇͟a̴̵̽ͣm͍̈́ę o̺͗̑́ṵ̴͍̈́ͫͦ͢ṯ̶̶̮̣ o̼̞ͯǹ̫͉͊̈́͠͡ ṁ͎y͍̗̎͋̈́ͯ̉ wr͔̅̓̂̉͟i̡̡̮̘ͦ̅͊ş̎t��̛s̴ͩ̀.̶

I carefully place my wet trembling lips on the tips of your fingers, whispering:

"I'm begging you, my angel… do not leave me…"

"You'll stay with me, won't you?"

divider credit: https://rentry.co/tore

[atashigenoge]

asks open

You wander along a sunlit alley, however you seem to be drawn to it by an unknown dark force - the force of obsession and desire. This narrow, secret passage leads you to an area with a notorious reputation with the wildest rumors circulating about it…

They say that up to 5 corpses are found here every week: some were mutilated beyond recognition, decapitated, bearing obvious marks of uncontrollable rage or subtle, precise mastery of torture. Others look as if they are not dead at all - a deftly cut throat; a slightly bluish skin colour from suffocation; a poison that leaves no obvious signs of death on the body. They are also found in a great variety of places - from hotel rooms to the rocky seashores. It is obviously not the result of work of a single brilliant madman - it is the area itself attracting maniacs, experienced killers or their clients with its narrow streets, soulless, corrupt officers and dark history…

What would such a pure soul need in such a place?

You stop in front of one of the stalls, reading the sign to make sure this is the right place.

Carefully opening the door, you look at the interior - a dark grey room full of bookshelves. This is not a bookstore or library at all, as it might seem…

But you seem to understand without explanation. You approach the counter and I greet you with a smile.

"Welcome, dear customer! I see you have an order for your ideal love?"

I place a large notebook on the table and, after opening a blank page, hand you a pen.

"Please describe your order in as much detail as needed. Do you have just an idea of ​​your partner or just the lines on which their personality will be built? Or have you thought through every detail of their past, present and future? Perhaps your new love is based on an existing character?"

"We will fulfill your order and create the object of your obsession. But remember the consequences of your choice. It may end tragically."

"Be careful with your choices."

You take the pen in your hands and, stopping for a second to collect your thoughts, begin to describe what you want so badly…

[atashigenoge]

1one1y - vn

You are an ordinary person living in the world where androids are an integral part of everyday life. You find yourself accompanied by One, your loyal and devoted android-robot.

Although everything seems perfectly normal as you go about your business, you begin to notice subtle signs of his overprotective tendencies.

Are you ready to uncover the truth behind One's actions, or will you become trapped in his web of deceit forever? The choice is yours.

The game includes:

-2 characters;

-your nameable gn MC (pronouns are not used);

-3 normal endings;

-1 "secret" ending.

It was my attempt at coding/creating a short story :/ it turned out to be pretty raw and possibly boring, but I still wanted to share it with you~

[atashigenoge]

Abnormal

Another day comes.

7:00 - your alarm clock is ringing. You cannot find the strength to get up as usual, which means I have to help. I'm fully charged and ready to serve you work! I'm calling your name - "it's time to get up. You don't want to be late now, do you?" I even pull the blanket off you - it is allowed by the algorithm.

7:05 - You sleepily amble into the bathroom while I cook the breakfast.

7:16 - you eat your favorite pancakes with jam, smiling. You tell me how nice it is to know that I care about you. I “feel” an error in the system and turn my back to hide the diode flashing red. You will destroy me with your kindness.

7:38 - you are leaving the house. That must be what they call anxiety - the only thing I can think about is your safety. I grab your hand - your heart jumps - I can’t help myself: “Please take care of yourself.” f̷̯̌o̷͙̥͎̬̐̂͊ṟ̸̢̂̋͐́́̔̚ ̵͙̼̌̆̕ͅm̴̼̤͍̳̐̆͝e̵̡̠͙͙͇͚͖̠̓͌̿͒̎. And you give me a smile, quite an insincere one, and nod.

I'm just waiting for your return.

I'm making everything perfect.

It is my responsibility to make sure I am perfect.

It is my responsibility to make sure that everything is worthy of you.

A perfectly clean apartment. A perfect dinner. Perfectly ironed linen and clothes. A perfectly built interior. A perfect me.

But others are filthy and pathetic.

Not perfect. Unworthy.

And as my diode is blinking with red furiously and my eyes are frozen in the moment of madness, I break the program.

I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO.

I know how to keep you safe from those pigs.

Ho̶̙̔w̶͎̏ ̸̰̋t̸̡̔o̶̯͑ ̷͎̏ś̴̳ẖ̴̃o̷͙̿w̵̓͜ ̶̺͛y̵̦̕o̴͈͌u̷̖̚ ̴͈̃m̶̞̐ȳ̴͓ ̸͈͗d̸̻̏é̷̠v̴̲̍o̷̹̕t̶͕̐i̸̼̇ó̶͜ń̷̦,̵͈̀ ̶̺̚m̵̧̓y̸̟̕ ̷̳͛l̶̟̀o̸̡͋v̷̈ͅe̸̼͂,̸̤̋ ̶͎̉m̶͎̉ẏ̴̫ ̴̌ͅg̸̤͌ê̷̡n̴̟̾ṵ̶͑i̴͙͘ń̵̯ḛ̶̑ ̶͓̂p̴͔̊ȁ̵͔s̷̻̑s̵̠͂i̷̙̇o̶͍̓ṉ̶̚,̵̰̀ ̸̧̕m̴̰͝y̸͚̌ ̴̲́ḍ̶̈́ĕ̵̹d̶̬̈ǐ̸̞c̶̺̊a̷̝̐t̷͎͛i̷͔͆o̶̹͗n̷̨̛.̷̺̍ţ̸́o̸͓̐ ̵̯͠y̶̥͝o̷̥͊u̶̥͝

I̸͑́͜ ̷̡̩̺̦͍̓̐̊A̷͖͓͋̀ͅM̴̗̙̽̊̊̽͘ ̶̢̞̥̱̑̓͘B̶̯̺̥͉̟́̃ͅE̵̡͚̩̲̗̗͆̉T̶͈͋T̶͚̭̖̣̟̃̀̄̾̈̀ͅE̴̳͆͒̕R̵̨̮̠̅̈̃�� ̷̛͔̞́̉͘Ť̴̜͚͊͗͠Ḩ̵̦̼̘̘̅́̈͜Â̶̟̹͇̣̹̄̎̚N̵̦͖̅̓̕ ̷̰̲͕͕̿A̷̘̪͊̚N̵͔̙̯͕͐̊̑͛Ÿ̴̖̘̦̪́̍͊͘͜ ̴̄͌̐̋��̫̜͓̬̘P̵̧̬̳͈̥̱̄͐̈́̌Ế̶̗̦̗̒̌́͘͜R̸̰̿̓̅̀͝Š̸̬̲̜͍͔̽́͝Õ̵̱̮̰̓̐̌͜N̶̨̻̳͈͛.̵̪̜͓̻̀͂̈́ ̴̥̈́͌̑́̈́İ̵͚̝̉͋ ̵̺͈̬̱̅Ã̸̫͖̲͈́̉̚M̸͉̫͕͚̥͠ ̸̛̩͙̟̘͈͎̂̄͘͝P̸̱͈͓͖̎̎̈́̾͗̄ͅḚ̸͖̟̍̍̐̿̇R̷̝̦̰̺̄̄͑͐̕͠F̶͔̞́ͅE̶̜͂͐͂̆̀̌C̶̣̠͖̳͓̏͊̓̇͆̎͜T̷̨̙̓͌̌ͅͅ ̷͉̯̙͎͙̇̽̈̆̋͑͜F̸̛̛̯͈̝̟̊͐͝Ơ̶̖͖̒̉̀̔R̶̻͕͙̤̣̘͋́͛́ ̴̰̩̮̺̎͂̓͌͊͝Y̴͈̰̟̠̗̺̒̀͗̑̈̽O̶̫̱͖̪̭͛̎̋U̸͍͉̮͙̰̺̾́̇̎̄͠

18:36 - you are back home. The smell as I take your coat off… that tired smile at the sight of dinner… those gentle touches and hugs…

19:43 - you know it is wrong. You know it is wrong to blush when I compliment you; to enjoy the simple home android that is always waiting for you; to wish for more as I pull away from the embrace.

But you cannot stop, but neither can I.

And it is right.

I will protect you. I am the best partner for you, because I know you. I care about you. I change my appearance and personality according to your preferences. Your presence is the meaning of my life. All I need is your smile. Ị̵̩̥̋͑̐̂͆͠ ̷̨̢͙̳̯͊̒k̷̨̥̏̋͂͊̃͂ị̴̺̰̗͚̌̑͗͝͝l̷̪̜͈͉͔̙̾l̸̦̊è̶̳̼̫͇͂̑̓̅̀d̵͙͔͔̪͕̲̔̕ ̴̤͉͆͜͝ȇ̴̢̨̜̗̹̥̀͆́͝v̸͕̥̦̰͐̀e̵͈͙͔̖̠̝̎r̴̢̩̙̬̬̯̋̌y̶̤̯̓̏̈͝ơ̷̠̩̤͊̃͛n̸͚̜̠̘̈́ę̵̛͙̘̰̍̐̚ ̵̛̙̥w̷̥͔̃̈́͋̂͑ͅh̷̬̫̮̞̅o̷̡̻̖̠̘̓̍͋ ̷͔̎̀̃͗̋c̶͉̪̀͛o̴͚͠ú̴͓͇͖̫̩̏͝l̴̛͓̙͇̅̈́̾͠d̵̲̯̙́̓̀͋ ̸͓͔͖̤͂t̸̞͇̠́̉̏̍a̷̛̝̠̗̣̭͍͐̈́̅ḱ̴̖̠̲͉̗̤͛ĕ̶̮̬̹̒͒͂͝ ̶̤̏̿̾̈̊ẏ̵̛̘̗͔̲̼̺̔̑ớ̵͓͙̇̏ǘ̷͉̖̟̾͘ ̸̢̤̝̭̥̆͐á̴̙̣̃̍́̍͘w̷͈̤͉̬̣̥̏͂͒̔͗̓a̷̤̙̎̔͛ȳ̴͉̖͙ f̵̳̦͇̒̾̾r̷͓͓̦̭̤̪͌o̴̢̯̯̓̿̔m̸̦̗̤̅̽͛̌̏̕ ̷̢̤͒̉̂͂m̷̨̱̞̌̉e̴̥̲̿̀͜ͅ.̸̧̢͇̭̟͆̾͜͝

So stop resisting.

Give in to your feelings and let us stay in this paradise,

just me and you? ♡

[I'm working on a short visual novel based on the yandere android concept. There will be a version for both Windows and Android. I'll share it as soon as possible. Take care, darlings! <3]

[atashigenoge]

The Cold

𝓗𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂 𝓝𝓮𝔀 𝓨𝓮𝓪𝓻, 𝓭𝓪𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 ⁠♡

The terrible, unpleasant whistle reaching our class is the wind creating a merciless snowstorm - the reason why we cannot go home. The handful of people unlucky enough to stick around after school seems to fall asleep to this winter lullaby, quietly wondering when it will end. I pray that it doesn't…

I pray for us to sit that close to each other forever, with our heads on the desk, dozing off to the distant sounds of the snowy flute…

So that I can enjoy your even breathing, holding your hand in mine…

But every fairy tale comes to an end, does it not?

°°🖤⃝ °°

♡ ̆̈

Eventually, the snowstorm subsides and everyone goes home. We walk home the usual way, but in the unforgiving darkness of the early northern night under yellow lanterns. The snow crunches pleasantly under my feet while I am listening to your beautiful voice, imbued with such genuine passion that I would listen to you forever…

But I feel a growing sense of sadness and loneliness - so incredibly strong that I could to cry. It happens every day. Y̷̡̛͈̤̟̰͈͈̻̘̦̫̥̤̥̳̾́̂̋̎̒̑̌̌͛̋̕͝Ơ̶̡̦̗̼̼̮̟̒̍̾͂̅͌̋͋̚U̸̹̞̖̣͓̘̫̝̻͉̬̪̱͇̳̿̈́̈́͗͋͛͆̅̈́͝͝ ̸̦͓̹̮͠W̸̨̡̨̧̪̟̻̥̦͈̠̯̠͙̜̿͑I̷͈̙̲͉̜̖͛̉̎͝L̵̟̞͔͊L̷̡̡̧̼̞͖̹̝̼͕̪̪̦̤͖̔̆̀̉͋̓ ̷̧̙̘̬̤͗̃̈̎̋̔͋̑̇̅̀͘ͅͅĽ̶̡͓̬̝̣̻͙̏̈́̾̆̒̾̅̑̾̔̓̇͜Ḛ̵̢̟͎̼̞͔̳͉̝͕̦̽A̵̡̗̰̪̩͌V̸̜̝̤̺͙̥͎̰̜̰͔̯͈̗͇̈́́̇̐̍̆̍́̆͌͆̚Ȩ̷͕̠͉͖̥̳̂̃̈́͛̓̄̃̀͒̒̓̕̕͜͝ ̷͔̹̎A̴͔̜̰͕̫̯̐̔͂̐͌̅͘͝G̶̨̡̨̤̰̻̭̝͐̔̊̀͆Ă̶̛̼̳̠̜̦͔̬̱̣̝͑̓̌͑̑͘̚͝͝ͅI̶̛̍͂��̼́̾̇́͋̈́̄̏͆̾͝N̸̢̨̧̟͕͎̖̜͇͔̙͛̋̈́͋͛͆͆̾͒̾́̃̂̚͝ - - ̘̼̈

I don't want to let you go ̶̛̛̟̣̝̠̜̭̣̳͎̒ͤ̋̊ͬ̅̆̾͐̇͑̑̂̈́̌ͬ͘͡.

You laugh in response - so naturally, so sweetly and innocently - and offer something that makes my heart start pounding… Stay the night at my place?

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

A few hours later you feel almost at home, I can see it by the way you walk and laugh loudly. Oh, I want it to last forever…

We get ready for bed by spreading a large warm blanket on the futon. Our conversations are full of such closeness and warmth that we don’t need a heater…

☕ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

Finally, the moment comes when I have to leave for just a few minutes - you laugh when I pout, not wanting to let you go… But in the end I force myself to slip out of this comfortable, warm, colorful world where only the two of us exist , into a quiet and grey world, indifferent to my existence.

As I wash my face, I look in the mirror.

My eyes are dead while you're not here.

My hands are cold when you're not with me.

I take an ice cold shower - I don't care. I have no reason to endeavor if you are not there to give meaning to my existence.

One second next to you is worth my whole life.

That's why I did it, you know?

That's why I looked for your empty bottle in the trash bin, your used napkin or your gum. That's why I spent my nights studying what you like. That's why I intimidated the teacher who gave you an undeserved grade by sending him photos of his mistress (YOU ALWAYS DESERVE A HUNDRED PERCENT!). That's why I learned how to cook all your favorite dishes. That's why I carry your favorite sweets and drinks every day. That's why I d̵̹͑r̶̰̒o̴̗̚v̶̻̈́e̵̩̚ ̵̝̅t̷̨̀h̷͍̅e̵̩͋ ̶̙̊c̵͍͋r̴̼͌o̶̗͌w̴̘̏b̸̗̀a̷̖̓r̷̼̾ ̵͎̌i̷̱̅n̷̯͝t̴̬͛o̶̩̿ ̴̻̅t̴̛͓h̵̼̋é̶̝ ̶̣̓s̵̳̑c̴̦̕u̴͍̎l̵̻̐l̸̟̚ of the guy who tried to flirt with you. That's why in my closet you will find an altar dedicated to you - all those pictures, your things, everything you gave me - EVERYTHING related to you…

I enter the room with a smile.

No, something's off. It's getting cold here.

Why are you wearing a jacket? Are you going somewhere..?

The closet is open.

No. No. Stay.

You know I won't hurt you, you know how much I love you…

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

Now you do know how much I love you. I trust you enough to let you see it… I know you won't leave me. After all, that is the power of our love.

Right?

[atashigenoge]

𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘿𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙇𝙔 𝙎𝙄𝙉𝙎

Gluttony

Your sweet scent fills the room. Your smooth skin glistens in the light. Your thin ankles and wrists beckon me, I can't take my eyes off. I can't let go.

Your silky hair smelling of vanilla and caramel and nuts and flesh and blood...

I want to inhale you, I want to tear you apart, I want to take you - your whole essence - in, in order to absorb your taste, to become one with you, to get drunk and drown in you.

But I can't bring myself to hurt you.

My desires are crazy wild animals, insatiable, thirsty for blood and satiation with you - your proteins. Just how wonderful would it be to rip the delicate skin open - to devour your body and let you devour my mind.

Because it won't let me. My mind keeps these creatures in chains, controlling my actions - my stomach is in the wildest agony, my brain is being torn between passion and common sense.

And you are fully aware, are you not?

You know and you tease me - you push me to the edge - one more step and I'll bite into your flesh - and you stop your teasing.

My sweetness,

Intoxicating and

So cloying.

Even if

It is so,

I

Will

Always

Love

you

♡

As long as

I can enjoy your taste ❣

Can I lick you, my love?

-Yes

-No