ataraxyaz

[ataraxyaz]

crush

note: every single stevenat stan i’ve ever interacted with has been lesbophobic so fuck them and that nasty ass ship. this ones for @starsvck and the lesbians + lesbian nat stannies.

natasha is a lesbian now go cry about it.

req: bae comfort fic w reader and nat where reader comes out as a lesbian after struggling w their sexuality for so long <333 ur so slay and ily

warnings: internalized lesbophobia, but it gets better ‹3 semi-proofread.

🏷: @c-is-writing my beloved

. . .

most of your life you spent being jealous of everyone who could have a crush on a boy. you wanted to feel that desire to want a boy or a man. and you tried as you got older, but it only ever resulted in awkward dates and uncomfortable, half-assed makeout sessions.

being with a man never felt right to you, and it never would feel right. you knew it wasn't wrong, but it was so much easier to say you liked women than it was to accept the fact that you would never be attracted to a man.

you only told your closest friends. none of them had a problem with it, but you also knew none of them would understand the way you felt. it didn't matter if they were straight, bisexual or any other sexuality, they would never understand how isolating it is to be a lesbian. the weight of that had been on your heart for as long as you could remember.

now you were 24 living in a cheap apartment alone. life was okay, but you still struggled to accept such an important part of yourself.

bumping into natasha didn't help, especially not when you hadn't seen her since high school.

"y/n?" her green eyes scanned over your body and you blushed under her gaze.

"that's me," you mumbled shyly.

you'd always had a tiny crush on the woman, she was the very definition of the word gorgeous. all throughout high school you tried to suppress it. clearly that didn't work out too well because natasha could still make you turn into mush whenever she was around.

"i almost didn't recognize you! you've changed so much since i last saw you. not- not that it's a bad thing of course," she rushed out.

you weren't quite sure how to respond to the woman, so you just offered a small nod of the head.

"it's good seeing you, natasha."

"wait! don't go just yet. here," she reached into her back pocket to pull out her phone. "type in your number."

"i'm sorry?" you were taken back by the request.

natasha smiled, "go on, type in your number. we can meet for coffee or lunch or something. are you busy tomorrow?"

you fumbled with natasha's phone in your hands, carefully typing out each digit before triple checking for any mistakes.

"i don't think so."

natasha visibly brightened. "great. i'll text you the details, see you tomorrow y/n!"

you made you way back to your apartment with uncertainty on your mind.

it was always confusing when a girl would ask you to go out. you were never sure if they meant it in a friendly matter or as a date. every time you thought about it though, you wanted to roll your eyes at all the missed opportunities you had because they probably thought you weren't interested.

. . .

the next morning you awoke to a text from natasha.

'see you at the coffee shop on fourth. 12 o'clock. don't be late ;).'

her message formed a smile on your face and all of a sudden you felt like you were in high school again.

you had a little over two hours to get ready. it was perfect timing. you had just enough room to shower, pick an outfit and leave while being right on time.

everything felt fine until you remembered exactly what you were doing and how you've always felt about natasha. the familiar feeling of shame crept into the back of your mind. nonetheless, you grabbed your keys and drove to the coffee shop on fourth street, just like the redhead told you to.

11:57.

you sighed, already feeling slight regret. there was no way you could go inside. not when natasha romanoff was in there waiting for you. she truly was the most beautiful woman you'd ever seen, how could you ever compete?

12:01.

shoving your nerves aside, you shut off your car, closing the door before making your way in.

natasha wasn't hard to miss. her fiery red hair and piercing green eyes could be spotted miles away. she looked at you with her signature smirk.

"you're one minute late."

"sorry, got stuck in traffic." you mumbled sheepishly.

"or perhaps you spent five or so minutes in your car before actually coming in." you shrugged, biting back the 'pretty women make me nervous' line.

"i hope you like lattes, i got you chai." she pointed to the cup on the left of her.

"i do. chai is one of my favorites, thank you."

"you're still just as shy as you were in high school," she giggled. "also not a bad thing."

"maybe not a bad thing to you," you responded, taking a sip of your drink. "i kind of hate it."

natasha gasped, a playful look of shock written all over her face. "nuh uh. don't hate it, it's one of the things that made you stand out to me when we were younger."

you frowned, "what do you mean?"

"i mean you were already beautiful. i found a lot of girls to be beautiful, but they were always so annoying in some way or another. stacy, you remember her? she had a bad habit of interrupting me every single time i went to speak. and abigail? she had a thing for never wanting to date lesbians for some weird reason. and of course there were other things about girls in high school, but there was never anything about you that ever rubbed me the wrong way."

your mind froze, "s-so does that mean you're..."

she smirked once more, "a lesbian? yeah. i don't think anything about me screams 'i love men,' do you?"

"not at all."

after that day you began to feel a little more relaxed around natasha. she texted you more often, always having something planned for the both of you to do.

you weren't 100 percent sure as to what you were to each other. she would flirt a lot, do things that only a girlfriend would do, and yet you still couldn't tell if she was just being friendly. the frustration only made you hate yourself even more.

this went on for a few months until one night when you were with natasha everything came spilling out.

you had your head in her lap as you watched some random movie, her fingers tracing shapes on your side.

you couldn't focus though.

"something on your mind?"

god natasha had grown to read you so easily.

"do you ever wish you weren't the way you are?" her finger movements paused.

"what do you mean?"

"like, you know… do you ever wish you weren't gay?"

"a lesbian?" she corrected. "and no, i don't. not anymore."

"i wish i wasn't sometimes." you whispered so softly natasha almost missed it.

"you can say it, you know. it's not a dirty word. you are not a dirty word."

"i just wish i could be like the rest of the world. i wish i liked men sometimes, i wish i could go on dates with them, i wish i could find myself attracted to them. i wish i didn't feel so alone. why did i have to be the only sexuality that can't like men? it's so infuriating to see everyone else happy and embraced when you're not."

natasha hummed, bringing you closer into her hold ever so slightly. "maybe you're just not meant to like men. maybe you're the way you are because it's what makes you special. being a lesbian isn't and never will be a bad thing. it doesn't matter how many times you get silenced, shoved away or disregarded. being a lesbian is such an ethereal, unforgettable thing. it's something to be celebrated, not changed."

there was a beat of silence before you finally managed to come up with something to say.

"you make me happy to be a lesbian."

"oh?"

"yeah."

"well you should always be happy to be a lesbian."

you sat up from her lap, feeling brave for the first time in your life. "i have something to tell you."

natasha already had an idea of what you were about to say. she'd been waiting for this for awhile now, but she wanted you to figure things out on your own time. she wanted you to be comfortable enough with yourself, and now you're right where you needed to be.

"i've had a crush on you since high school." you admitted shyly.

natasha raised her eyebrow, "are you implying that you still have a crush on me?"

"i am."

"well let me tell you a little something, i like you too." she smirked, fully taking in your nervous state.

"really?"

"i have for awhile. why do you think i told you that stuff when we had coffee all those months ago?"

“i wasn’t sure how to interpret what you were telling me,” you giggled.

natasha’s nodded, letting her eyes dart to your lips. “well it was definitely a hint. can i kiss you now?”

your breath caught in your throat.

“yeah, sure. uh go ahead-”

her lips were softer than you ever imagined them to be. so was the touch of her hands as she cupped your face.

she only deepened the kiss when you opened your mouth, granting the access she craved so dearly.

it wasn’t long before you needed to pull away for air.

“sorry… i haven’t done this in awhile. i’m sure you can tell.”

“no apologies necessary. i enjoyed every second of it.” natasha confirmed, brushing her thumb across your lips.

“me too,” you admitted. “can we do it again? just a little slower this time?”

“of course. we go at your pace, okay?”

“how long have you wanted to kiss me?” you questioned, breath shaky from adrenaline.

“quite some time now, sweetheart.” natasha didn’t hesitate to answer.

you swallowed, “show me then.”

“you got it, kitten.”

[ataraxyaz]

quiet car rides home… 

… don’t mind me, I’m just getting a jump start on shipping Kate and Yelena - you know, cause they’ll be all the rage in Hawkeye (2021) 

[ataraxyaz]

ur dumb -number one hater

can't believe someone would say this shaking and crying and throwing up i will never write anything again

[ataraxyaz]

THIS IS SO GOOD <3 i love it

title: ovary action

summary:

You squint at her. “You know, just because you, personally, don’t get your period doesn’t mean you can’t show a bit of sympathy.”

“Go ahead, bring up my traumatic forced sterilisation.”

notes: sfw mediocre gfs fluff where ur on ur period and nats, for once, an above average gf

inspired by conversations with @ataraxyaz

Keep reading

[ataraxyaz]

this is so cute where is my boomer avenger gf to make tiktoks with

title: frfrblackwidowgf’s tiktok drafts

notes: sfw, suggestive content though, fluff, being in a stupid goofy mood with ur superhero gf who is also ur dom gf who’s so sick of ur shit, the mommy sorry tiktok meme (yes this is very targeted)

Keep reading

[ataraxyaz]

If I didn’t know better I’d think you were still around. I know better but I still feel you all around.

[ataraxyaz]

the ties that bind us

note: this is just a vent, i’m not sure how much sense it’ll make. but it’s based on this post (just pretend this fic makes sense because it was really just a loose idea that got carried away.)

in other words: you’re talking to natasha without her knowing its you.

im begging you to be nice jsjddjdj this is probably cringey idk. mostly posting this for myself. i hope at least one person likes it though, idk.

i wont tag on this fic simply because its a vent :P dont wanna trigger anyone.

warnings: talks of eating disorders & depression. there’s a minor mention of self harm (brief description of scratching, nothing more).

thank u moli for proofreading i love uuuuu

. . .

Keep reading

[ataraxyaz]

Judith L. Herman, Trauma and Recovery

[ataraxyaz]

that iconic moment when yelena responds to alexei’s period joke with glib about the Red Room’s forced hysterectomies just WORKS on so many levels. obviously, it operates as a perfect response to casual misogyny on one level. but on another, it does a lot of character-work. because it’s not necessarily a total fuck you to natasha’s monologue in aou because Natasha does want kids, even in the comics. earlier in Black Widow, nat asks yelena if she wants kids, and you can tell she’s asking to see if yelena shares her pain of not being able to have them. yelena’s brutally honest response to alexei re-centres the trauma of the non-consensual procedure on the invasiveness. and yes, it’s a fuck u to joss whedon for centering the trauma of that on Nat being a “monster” for not being able to have kids with a man, but it’s also showing how Yelena handles the Red Room’s trauma very differently to Nat because irl people do handle trauma differently. sometimes with uncomfortable humour designed to make those around them feel a fraction of the discomfort their trauma made them feel. it’s such a great character moment that shows us yelena isn’t nat 2.0 without belittling Nat. It shows Yelena is her own person and i love it so much. the fact we only get one (1) Black Widow film directed by a woman is a crime.

[ataraxyaz]

falling softly

[natasha romanoff x gn reader]

summary: natasha hasn't been able to get much sleep, at least, not until you.

this is my entry for the @marvelxreaderfanfictionfest by @lovelyavengers for @cap-n-stuff, i'm sorry it was delayed a bit, but i really hope you like it!

note: this is my first fic in a long time, and my first time posting to tumblr, so i'm sorry if anything is wrong or the formatting is off, i'm still learning

word count: 1109

warnings: very small mention of the red room and nightmares, otherwise it's all fluff :)

In all of the time you had known her, Natasha Romanoff had never gotten a full night of sleep. To give her the benefit of the doubt, you hadn’t known her long. You had only joined the ranks of the Avengers about a month and a half ago -and interacted with the redhead sparsely in those few weeks- but she resides in the compound room right next to your own, and when you share a wall with someone, you tend to notice these things.

You were an admittedly light sleeper yourself, so when the telltale sound of her door opening and closing hit your ears at 2am every morning, you woke up, and you did everything you could to try to ignore it. You didn’t know her well enough, was one of the excuses swimming around in your head, and the Black Widow was infamous for keeping her circles small. There was no way that she would trust a new recruit getting in over their head, no matter if your intentions were well meaning or not.

…

It took you another two months of pretending not to hear the redhead tossing and turning before you finally got over yourself and decided to do something. This time when there was the subtle click of Natasha’s door opening and closing, you waited fifteen minutes, and made your way into the common room after her.

When you entered the shared kitchen, you tried not to make it obvious that you were going to check on her, and instead acted like you were just waking up too. As you grabbed two mugs out of the kitchen cabinet, and started to make tea for the both of you, she looked at you skeptically. It was almost as if she was analyzing you, trying to decide whether or not your intentions were pure.

“How do you like your tea?” Your voice was hesitant, but soft, open.

“A little bit of milk, and a little bit of sugar, but you don't have to do this, you know?” Her words came out quietly, untrusting.

“Do what? I already filled your cup, you're not gonna make me dump it out, are you?” You gave her a small smile, and she gave you one back as you slid the hot mug over to her side of the counter.

It was quiet from that point on, and you were expecting it to be awkward, but it was the opposite. You were comfortable sharing this space, and this time with her, and you were glad that she didn't have her walls up as high as she usually kept them. It was nice to spend this time with her, even if you were hesitant about it before.

When she finished her tea she let you take both mugs to the sink, and then made her way over to the couch. You followed after her, and grabbed the remote from off of the coffee table in front of you. She took the throw blanket from off of the top of the couch, and gestured for you to come closer to share it with her. You hadn't changed from your shorts and tank top you had worn to bed, and Tony kept the temperature in the compound just shy of freezing, so you obliged.

“Anything in particular you wanna watch?” You didn't really mind what went on, but you thought that it might be easier for her to be vulnerable with a distraction in the background, so the focus didn't feel like a spotlight shining on her.

“No, you can put on whatever you want to, I'm okay with anything.” Was her soft response.

You put on the first thing that came to mind, an Avengers cartoon meant for children that you used as background noise when trying to fall asleep. To your surprise, Natasha actually laughed, a soft, lighthearted laugh that made your heart soar and butterflies find their place in your stomach.

“Are you making fun of me now? I thought you said you would watch anything?” was your teasing reply.

“I just find it funny that even in a TV show for 7 year olds they still managed to emphasize my boobs.” was her sarcastic comment back to you.

Without even thinking you responded, “Well, in their defense, they are nice boobs.” And then before you could even think about what you had said, a pillow was launched directly at your head, but once you both calmed down from your laughter, you swore you saw a bit of a blush coating the cheeks of the big bad Black Widow.

…

The quiet nights together continued on for a while, and you got to know Natasha more and more as the weeks went on. She talked with you, about the hard things and the easy things, opening up to you about how she still had nightmares from her time in the Red Room, and how that was why she didn’t sleep as well as she wished to. You told her about your own struggles, and about how they motivated you during your training, and she listened like you were the most important person in the world. You both fell asleep together on the couch more times then you didn’t, not caring about the teasing that would await in the morning from your teammates.

Tonight was different, though everything started out the same. You heard as Nat tossed and turned, and then heard the inevitable shuffling, and the click as her door opened and shut behind her, but what you weren’t expecting was the gentle knocking at your door, almost shyly.

“Come in! It’s open!” Was your loud whisper across the room.

And in came Natasha, looking as beautiful as ever even with her clothes mussed and her bright red hair in disarray. She looked so soft, so hesitant as she made her way over to your bed, but you just shuffled over to make room, and pulled the blanket up to offer her more space. She climbed in after, lacking all of her usual grace, but looking as if a weight was taken off her shoulders. She slightly shocked you when she rested her head on your chest, her arms coming to wrap around your waist, but you relaxed into the hold quickly, bringing your own arms to wrap around her.

“No more tea and cartoons, sleepyhead?” You teased, your voice still hoarse from sleep.

“Your arms are my safe space, so that’s where I’ll be sleeping tonight.” Was her gentle response. And sleep she did, with no nightmares, well into the next morning, with your arms holding her close -safe- throughout the night.

[ataraxyaz]

Would you like to know what bugs me?

There are random pictures of people (likely the ones she saved or the Widows that she saved put their pictures from their lives where they have free will)

Flowers

Teddy bears (I bet the Widows put it there for her, remember the opening credits)

Do you realize what’s missing?

Any sign of Avengers… there is no stuff on there that shows “oh yeah certainly Pepper put it there who knew Natasha for 14 years. I’m sure Okoye put it here as they worked together for 5 years. That’s definitely Sam’s gift surely; they had been working together for 4 years and 3 of it was on the run. Is that Clint the BFF? Or surely that’s from Bruce, as he cared about her as friend… Nick Fury is trying to be sneaky again” this can go on and on

The thing is Natasha has been integral part of the team. She was among the original 6. She is the first female Avenger. She led the team with Steve as co leader for 1 year. She followed Steve to the ends of the world as she said in Heroes’ Journey. She spend 3 years in shadows with Steve and Sam. She led the new Avengers team for 5 years all alone

There are many more instances how she touched the others lives. Not only she didn’t get a funeral in Endgame but also she was ignored in every content until her movie and she will be ignored in future movies too.

The Super Family she had doesn’t hold funeral and also doesn’t even come to her grave. Some family huh?

In my opinion, the Widows she saved, Melina, Alexei and Yelena are the ones hold the funeral. They visit the grave regularly. That’s the real family she had

[ataraxyaz]

BLACK WIDOW (2021) dir. Cate Shortland

[ataraxyaz]

BLACK WIDOW (2021) dir. Cate Shortland

[ataraxyaz]

Scarlett  ♥️♥️

Lost in Translation (2003) Dir: Sofia Coppola

[ataraxyaz]

[ataraxyaz]

My Tasha

Word count: 7334

Genre: Mostly angst but the ending is fluffy

Pairing: Natasha x fem!reader

Warnings: A sort of suggestive scene? I think that's all (let me know if I need to add any)

Request: congrats on those 500’ love!!! they are well deserved for all of your amazing words 🥺 i was just thinking how cute it be for nat to take a liking to reader, so she tries all those “seductive” tricks the red room taught her, but r just reads it as a cocky fuckboy thing and rejects her? soft!nat appearing later to ask her out? 🥺

Summary: Natasha tries to seduce you at a party but you misunderstand, assuming she's just using you. Both of you mope before realizing what happened.

A/n: Finally I finished this! It was supposed to be 2000 words max but I got carried away and @teenwonder I blame you since you were the one who sent in this idea. I actually really like how this turned out, even if it differs from the prompt slightly so I hope you guys like it too because this probably took at least ten hours to write and I have lost way too much sleep over it. Enjoy!

Natasha looks in the mirror and lifts the corner of her mouth into a slight smile. She looks hot and she knows it, spending hours in front of the mirror perfecting the look. Her eyeshadow screams seduction and her lipstick highlights and colours the natural shape of her lips. Her lashes are curled to perfection and her makeup is applied with the technique she learned years ago that was guaranteed to make people stare. Her hair is straightened because it matches the look and also the last time she straightened it you had complimented her hair so she knows you like it.

Her dress is black, the colour that looks best on her, with a neckline that is dangerously low and the bottom riding dangerously high on her thigh. Her heels are her go to ones for anytime she wants to seduce anyone, they manage to work every time and have become a small symbol of luck for her and tonight she needs all the luck she can get for tonight’s party.

Usually people are easy to seduce, she just has to figure out the likes and dislikes of her target and play up to them. Tonight shouldn’t be much different except for the big added aspect of her actually caring. She’s never had to seduce someone she’s wanted to before so she knows it’s going to be harder than normal. Taking a deep breath she pushes the nerves away and smirks at her own reflection before going to meet everyone in the main room.

Your breath hitches when she walks in and you quickly look away so it doesn’t seem like you’ve been waiting for her arrival. She’s gorgeous, she always is, but tonight there’s something about her that’s different, like she put more effort than usual. You force yourself to stay calm and look away, pretending to still be interested in the conversation you had been having with Carol that you zoned out of the moment Natasha entered the room.

Carol’s looking at you strangely. “What?”

She gives a half laugh. “You think I didn’t notice you drooling over Natasha.”

“That obvious?” you ask and she nods. “Damn.”

“Damn is right, she’s smoking!” Carol whisper-yells, glancing over quickly and then back to you.

“Carol!” you exclaim aghast.

She laughs again. “Don’t worry I’m not trying to steal your girl, after all I have Valkyrie.”

“Yes and you constantly remind me of that.” you mumble which she ignores.

“I’m just saying that some people are already staring at her and are going to be all over her soon, you need to make your move quickly.” she finishes.

“I will.” you tell her, with no real intention of going to talk to her.

“Sure you will,” she says quietly at first before yelling in Natasha’s direction, “Hey Romanoff! Come here.”

Natasha is surprised and she hopes Carol isn’t calling her over because she noticed her staring. Logically she knows that Carol doesn’t want to date you and is dating Valkyrie but it looked far too much like flirting in her opinion. There were whispers and giggles and at one point you got all flustered and embarrassed. She doesn’t like how possessive she feels over you when she has no right to but somehow when it comes to you she can’t quite control herself.

Showing none of the inner thoughts that go through her head she weaves her way over to you. At first some of the team is staring because they got startled by Carol’s yell but a small glare gets them to look away again.

“Hey.” Carol greets when she walks over.

“Hey.” she says back with a smile and it’s not her fault if the smile is a little flirtier than normal and directed more towards where you’re standing. “What’s up?”

“I want to go find Valkyrie and see what’s taking so long for her to come back from the bar but didn’t want to leave Y/n all alone at a party and since you were alone too I thought it would be a great idea for you guys to spend the party together!” she explains quickly. “I’ll come back soon!”

With that she leaves and you and Natasha are left looking at each other awkwardly. She wants to say something to break the silence but all her earlier confidence is gone and she feels like a schoolgirl with her first crush. Which is half true, she is definitely not a schoolgirl but she’s never had feelings like this for anybody before.

“You don’t have to stay here.” you offer, feeling bad that she was forced to come here and babysit you. Carol is your best friend but sometimes you just can’t stand her. This is so uncomfortable and Natasha is looking at you weirdly and you just know that she’ll apologize and leave so she can spend the party with people who actually know how to have fun.

“I know but I want to.” she says and you can’t help looking away shyly and smiling. She smiles herself at your cuteness, now slightly more confident knowing that she can make you react like that.

---

She smirks as for the thousandth time that night you struggle to keep your gaze from dipping below her neck. The dress was a good choice and judging based on your lack of eye contact you appreciate it. She knows you find her attractive, it’s hard not to know that with you staring at her boobs every few seconds but as the night goes on she’s more and more hopefully that you want to date her. Your flushed cheeks and occasional stuttering give you away.

Some guy interrupts your conversation and she resists the urge to punch him. She doesn’t know what he’s here for and shouldn’t punch people for interrupting a conversation with a girl she really really likes (she doesn’t allow herself to consider love just yet).

“Hey beautiful.” he greets her, stepping into her space and ignoring you. Against her better judgment she does punch him and giggles as he staggers backwards muttering about bitches under his breath. Really the punch shouldn’t have affected him that much, it was light and not in an area that would cause serious injury, he was just weak.

“Holy fuck.” you whisper under your breath.

“That didn’t bother you, did it?” she rushes to confirm, not wanting to have upset you by resorting to violence. She wasn’t quite sure how to take your holy fuck, whether you meant it in a good way or not.

“It was so hot.” you breath and then immediately clamp a hand over your mouth once you’ve realized what you’ve said out loud.

You’re about to apologize but she speaks first. “Really?”

You don’t understand how she makes her voice sound so smooth and seductive but it makes your knees weak. You’re nervous but there’s no point in taking it back now and it does seem like she’s flirting with you so you continue.

“Yeah, what can I say I like strong women who don’t take shit from men.” you say, moving closer to her. You haven’t flirted very much before but judging based on how her eyes darken slightly you think it’s working.

She reaches out and runs her hand down the side of your face slowly, making you shiver. “Looks like we have the same type.”

She keeps her hand there for a second then leans in slowly, giving you time to pull away. You’re frustrated by how long it’s taking and try to take a small step towards her so you can kiss her. It doesn’t work well since you forgot you’re wearing heels and lose your balance, making her laugh, her breaths dancing over your lips. And then suddenly she’s not moving slowly anymore and her lips are on yours and it’s all you can think about. Your other senses are all dulled and you kiss her harder to prove that this is real.

After a few seconds she pulls back. “I didn’t want people to see,” she explains when she sees your pout, “hallway?”

You’re not sure if it’s even possible for you to do anything but nod and take her hand as she leads you out. Inside of taking you to the main hall she takes you to a side one that doesn’t get used often and only the avengers have access to. Glancing around again to make sure nobody notices she pulls you inside and immediately you’re kissing again.

She presses you against the wall and you grip her shoulders tightly, your nails dipping into her bare skin. When she pulls back again she notes in satisfaction that your lips are smeared with her lipstick and she applauds her choice of bright red. Inside of going back to your mouth she kisses along your jaw and your neck, the lipstick marking you. Happy with her work she moves back to your lips, humming happily at the feeling.

She likes it even more when she feels your mouth open to let her in, taking the opportunity to explore your mouth with her tongue. You let out a small whine and the noise reminds her of where you are.

“Come up to my room?” she asks, smirking. You’re about to say yes when you notice her smirk. It bugs you for some reason, it makes it seem like she’s winning some sort of prize. Breathing heavily you look more closely at her and notice her heels. It’s her seductive mission heels. And then you realize she often wears a black dress to seduce people as well. You feel like a complete idiot, she doesn’t want you for anything more than a quick fling. This was a calculated move on her part.

“No.” you tell her firmly, only able to hold back your tears due to sheer anger. You thought that you were friends, how dare she try to play with your feelings just because she knew she could. Taking advantage of her shock you push past her, running out of the hall and back into the party. You look like a disaster so as quickly as possibly to rush to the doors and leave, running to your room, thankful that everyone seems too invested in their own conversations to notice you going.

You keep running until you reach your room. It didn’t look like she was following you but you don’t want to take any chances. Flinging off your heels because they’re uncomfortable you launch yourself onto your bed and curl up, pulling the covers over your head and putting your face into a pillow. You’re probably getting her lipstick all over right now but you don’t care, you don’t have enough energy to care right now.

You berate yourself again for how stupid you are. You got so caught up in your own emotions that you didn’t even consider that it didn’t mean the same to her as it did to you. It’s so obvious in hindsight. How after one kiss she wanted to sneak away so nobody saw, her glance back at the room before you entered the hall. She wasn’t looking for a relationship that much was clear. She invited you to her bedroom, not on a date.

You try to reason with yourself to make the pain go away but it doesn’t. You weren’t super close but you considered her a friend. Apparently she didn’t consider you one if she was willing to put your friendship aside for sex. You briefly consider that maybe she didn’t know about your feelings but you shake that thought off. She’s smart and reads people easily, she knew she just didn’t care.

You hate the tears that roll down your face. You can’t tell if they’re from sadness or anger and it doesn’t matter. Nothing seems to matter right now. Sobs wrack your body harder and you scream silently into your pillow. You hate this so much, you hate crying and you wish you could hate Natasha but you can’t. You hate yourself for letting yourself get hurt like this though.

---

Natasha watches you leave. She wants to run after you but the look on your face when you pushed by her stops her. You looked so disgusted that you had just made out with her and she can feel her heart breaking into a million pieces just thinking about it. She doesn't know what she did to get it. It’s obvious that you regretted kissing her but it hurts that you seem disgusted by it.

She allows herself a few moments to stand there and try to comprehend what just went on, a single tear dripping down her face. Swallowing hard she wipes it away and takes a breath to collect herself. She makes sure her dress is straight and runs her fingers through her hair so it doesn’t look too wild.

It doesn’t really matter what she looks like, she’s planning to slip out the back of the hall, the opposite way that you went, so it’s unlikely anyone will see her but she wants to be prepared on the off chance that the halls aren’t empty. Biting her lip to stay calm she walks out the end of the hall and slowly makes her way to her room.

She feels so stupid. She’s not even mad at you for feeling disgusted she’s mad at herself. She got so caught up in her own feeling that she never stopped to think about the fact that you don’t like her back. For a moment it seemed like you did but that was probably you being too nice to say no to her.

Her heels seem to mock her as she walks up the stairs with the way they clip clop. So much for lucky heels, she’ll never be able to use them again without remembering how badly she failed. She tugs on her dress from both the top and the bottom, trying to pull it longer in both directions. She felt so confident in it earlier in the mirror and especially when she caught you staring but now she just feels dirty and slutty.

“You’re a fucking idiot.” she mutters out loud to herself when she finally gets to her room. Looking in her mirror upon entry only makes things worse. She’s lucky that she didn’t see anyone in the halls because even after her attempts at cleaning up she looks like a mess. Her makeup is smudged all over and she can see the upset written plainly on her face.

Usually it’s easy to hide her emotions but usually she doesn’t feel such strong ones. You make her feel and she hates it. Only earlier today she loved that you made her feel. She loved the way her heart fluttered thinking about you and how she wasn’t always perfectly composed. You made her feel normal. But now she hates the way her heart betrays her, happy at even the thought of you.

Her only option right now is to forget and she thanks herself for always keeping a bottle of vodka in her room. A bad habit perhaps, but she rarely drinks from it and it is perfect for this situation. Drinking doesn’t help much, even after a while the hurt is still fresh in her mind, but it stops her from overthinking. When she eventually leaves the bottle and slips into bed it’s nobody’s business but hers if she cries herself to sleep.

---

You bury yourself deeper into your covers when you hear knocks at your door, hoping that whoever it is will go away soon.

“Y/n open up!” you hear Carol shout, still pounding on the door. “Unless Natasha’s with you, don’t think I didn’t notice you left the party earlier.”

Carol’s mention of Natasha makes a lump form in your throat and suddenly you feel the sudden urge to take a shower and wash all of her off you. You must have stayed silent for too long because Carol’s knocking stops and she speaks again.

“If you don’t say anything in five seconds I’m coming in.” she tells you.

You don’t know if you want her here or not. Carol is always good at making you cheer up but you feel embarrassed to tell anybody what happened.

“Four.”

Carol would understand though, she’s never been one to judge people for things and she was the one who helped push you towards Natasha, telling you she liked you back.

“Three.”

You realize that Natasha’s lipstick is still all over you and you’re still wearing the dress from last night. It’s too late to fix the clothes but you try to wipe the lipstick from your neck as quickly as possible (spoiler, it doesn’t go very well).

“Two.”

You’re still not sure if you want her to come in so you open your mouth to try to tell her to go away but the lump in your throat prevents you from speaking.

“One, I’m coming in now.” she says, opening the door. “Is that Natasha’s lipstick?”

It’s too much and you get overwhelmed, bursting into tears. Her grin of triumph from when she saw the lipstick quickly disappears and she rushes over to comfort you, wrapping you in a big hug.

“Do I have to kill her?” she asks, when you’ve calmed down a little bit. If you didn’t know Carol enough to know she’s actually a huge softy you would think she is dead serious.

“No,” you tell her, managing a weak smile at how quickly Carol comes to your defense.

“Are you sure?” she asks. “You have her lipstick all over you and you’re crying because of her. What did she do wrong?”

“It’s not her fault,” you protest. Natasha and Carol are friends and you don’t want them to stop being close because of you.

“It’s not her fault you’re crying?” Carol asks skeptically.

“I-um, she,” you stumble over your words because technically it is her fault you’re crying. “She didn’t mean to.” you finally settle on saying.

Carol doesn’t look any happier with the situation than she did before. “Please tell me what happened Y/n so I can go beat her up for you. Did she try to force herself on you or do anything you didn’t want?”

“No.” you say, shaking your head. Natasha may have only been looking for a one night stand or short fling but you can confidently say that she would never do that.

“Okay, then what did she do to make you so upset? It doesn’t look like she rejected you.” Carol is both stubborn and curious and you sigh knowing you’re not going to be able to get out of this conversation without telling her what happened.

“At first it was really nice, we were talking and then we were kissing. But then-” you pause and take a deep breath as Carol rubs a hand comfortingly on your back. “But then she asked if I wanted to go up to her room.” you pause again, trying not to cry for the second time this morning.

“What did you say?” Carol asks softly, knowing this is hard for you.

“I almost said yes, I was planning to say yes,” you tell her, “but then I looked down at her heels.”

“Her heels?”

“She was wearing the heels she always wears for missions where she has to seduce shady old men.” you explain. “And her dress seemed different than normal, like one she’d wear on a mission and she was smirking at me, like she got exactly what she wanted.”

“She treated you like a mission.” Carol states, a hard look in her eye. “That bitch.”

“Carol,” you warn, “you’re her friend too.”

“And as her friend I’m going to give her some friendly advice.” She emphasizes the word friendly giving the impression that it wasn’t going to be friendly at all.

“It will only make things worse.” you tell her. “I just want to forget about it.”

Carol keeps the hard look but softens a little, smiling at you. “Okay, whatever you want. We could spend the day watching movies and eating ice cream?”

“Okay.” you tell her. You’ve never been heartbroken before but you’ve seen movies and apparently this is what everyone does.

“I’ll go get the ice cream while you pick a movie.” she tells you, standing up. “I’ll even watch a disney one if you’d like.”

You give a halfhearted cheer, trying to convince Carol that you’re excited. She frowns as she leaves the room, that cheer was obviously fake. Any other time and you would be beyond happy that she was agreeing to watch Disney movies with you, you’ve been begging her to for almost a year. She can’t help but feel anger at Natasha and anger at herself. Anger at Natasha for playing with your feelings but anger at herself for pushing you to be with Natasha. She should have realized Natasha wouldn’t treat you right but she was so caught up in trying to pair you together that she didn’t see it.

---

Natasha wakes up as normal, feeling a headache forming already. Glancing towards her alarm clock she sits up in shock when she reads how late it is. She’s never in bed after noon. She groans when she realizes sitting up that quickly was not a good idea and makes her feel nauseous. She takes a few breaths, in and out, to calm herself and tries to remember why she drank so much. She was upset, she remembers that. She was upset because her plan didn’t work.

She feels a sharp pain in her heart when her mental blocks seem to go away and she remembers everything that happened, how the night had been going so perfectly and she had felt so happy only for it to all come crashing down when you ran away, disgusted that you kissed her.

“Stupid.” she tells herself, getting out of bed. She reminds herself of that as she goes about her normal morning routine, washing her face, brushing her teeth and getting dressed. She was so stupid to risk your friendship for something more, now it would be a miracle if you still wanted to be around her. Even if it hurt to pretend you hadn’t kissed she would go back to being friends with you in an instant if you still wanted her. She tries not to think about how big of an if that is.

When she is presentable she decides to head down the kitchen and grab some food. It’s been awhile since she last ate and there’s no use in trying to hide away and avoid her problems; she will either see you and have to confront them or you won’t be there. She knows that hiding away will only make things worse and appear weak, if she leaves her room and pretends everything is normal it will make her seem less hurt than she is.

“Hi Natasha.” Tony says in a weird voice when she enters the kitchen, waggling his eyebrows. She does her best not to show her obvious disappointment that almost everybody is here. The one upside is that you’re not.

“Hi Tony.” she says tiredly, walking over to grab a piece of bread and plopping it in the toaster.

“So Natasha,” he starts, oblivious to her unrelaxed mood, “how was last night?”

Natasha whips around lightning fast, staring at him. “What do you mean?”

He couldn’t possibly have heard, could he? She had hoped to talk to you before word got out about the rejection, to try to keep it on the down-low because the guys would never let her live it down. She assumed you wouldn’t tell anyone but you did leave the hall in the direction of the party so maybe you decided to stay.

“I mean with Y/n.” he says casually as Natasha fights to keep a straight face as her heart beats wildly in her chest. “Don’t think we didn’t notice how you both left early.”

Natasha lets out an almost unnoticeable sigh of relief. He didn’t know anything important.

“Well that may be the case but I can assure you nothing happened.” she tells him.

“Then where is she now?” Tony challenges.

“I don’t know, if you haven’t seen her she’s probably in her room.” Natasha responds smoothly. It’s just her luck that after being rejected by the girl of her dreams Tony thinks they got together.

“And where were you?”

Natasha gives him a deadpan stare. “My own room.”

He scoffs. “First of all you could be lying to us, I know you spies are good at that. But if you aren’t you need to get some balls and ask her out already.”

Natasha scowls. “A man’s balls are the weakest part of his body, I am good without them.”

Tony has enough self preservation to step back for a second. Natasha lets him think that her annoyance is solely over his sexist statement but really it wasn’t that bad and she’s just upset that she can’t have you so she really doesn’t want to be talking about asking you out.

“You should.” Clint speaks up.

Natasha rolls her eyes. “Not you too.”

“See Clint agrees with me and I bet the others do too.” Tony says smugly. Natasha lets her eyes move slowly around the room and one but one they all look away when she catches their eye, showing her that while they are too nervous to outright say it, Tony is right and they do agree.

“I don’t care about that,” she says, “I am not and that’s the end of the story.”

“What not?” Tony persists. “You like her, you can’t deny that, so give me one good reason not to.”

“Because she wouldn’t want to and I respect that.” Natasha says calmly. Inside she feels her stomach twisting and she wants to break something. She may be good at hiding her emotions but this conversation is proving to be next to impossible.

Tony scoffs again. “There’s no way, that girl is so in love with you it’s ridiculous.”

“What’s ridiculous is that you assume things about other people and can’t let this go.” Natasha tells him icily. “You don’t know what she’d say.”

“Then you don’t know either.” Tony counters.

“Then why did she say no when I asked her out last night?” Natasha snaps at him. There are gasps all around the room and to her mortification she is barely holding in the tears that spring to her eyes.

“What?” Sam asks in disbelief.

“I asked her out, she said no and that’s that.” Natasha explains, trying to keep her composure but failing when a tear falls down her cheek. “Excuse me.”

She hurries out of the room, no longer able to handle the talk of asking you out and the disbelieving stares. As she gets back to her room and lies in bed once more she notes in annoyance that she never got her toast. Not that she’s hungry anymore anyway. She doesn’t feel anything anymore except sadness and emptiness. She knew her feelings for you were strong but now that she knows for sure that you don’t want her they feel even stronger and it makes her realize just how much this meant to her and how much she lost.

---

“Hey.” Carol greets as she walks in the kitchen and heads straight for the freezer.

“Morning Carol.” Bruce says, looking shocked when he sees the amount of ice cream she’s holding. “Ice cream for breakfast?”

“It’s for Y/n.” Carol explains.

Tony’s expression turns dark. “What on earth does she need it for?”

“Girl problems, also known as none of your business.” Carols says, in an admittedly sassy voice.

Tony glares. “By girl problems do you mean what happened with Romanoff last night.”

He may tease Natasha but she was like family to him and he would not allow your feelings to be coddled while you stomped all over hers. He doesn’t care if you feel bad for rejecting her, you had flirted and let her on for too long and feeling bad was the least you deserve.

In an instant Carol is across the kitchen and inches from his face. “How do you know?”

“Hey, calm down.” Bruce says, stepping in when he notices Clint and Sam have both tensed up, presumably to defend Natasha’s honor. Even though he’s a man himself he doesn’t understand them sometimes, Natasha was more than capable of taking care of herself and starting a fight between Tony and Carol, the two most stubborn on the team, would only be a headache for weeks to come.

“How do you know?” Carol asks Bruce, thankfully stepping back from Tony.

“She was here a few minutes ago and told us.”

Carol curses under her breath. “That bitch.”

“Hey!” Clint says loudly. “If anyone is a bitch here it’s Y/n.”

“Yes because it’s all Y/n’s fault.” Carol says sarcastically.

Sam decides he’s had enough of Carol. “Yes actually, it is.”

“Bullshit.”

The three of them go back and forth with Carol, mainly cursing and getting a little off topic.

It’s when Carol calls Tony an idiot that Bruce speaks up. “You weren’t here to see Natasha cry.”

“What?” Carol turned to face Bruce, shocked. He isn’t one for petty arguments so she believes what comes out of his mouth. But why would Natasha cry? It doesn’t make sense, she was the one who broke your heart, not the other way around. “Natasha never cries.”

“Well she just did.” Tony says but it’s not in a confrontational tone anymore. He’s not sure what Carol knows but it’s obvious she didn’t know fully what happened.

“Why?”

“It was partly my fault,” Tony admits, “I was teasing her about asking out Y/n and she kept saying no and eventually snapped and told us that she did last night but Y/n rejected her.”

Carol scrunches her brow in confusion. “That’s not what Y/n told me- OHHH.”

“What?” The voice comes simultaneously from all four men at once.

“They are both idiots.” Carol says, smiling and laughing for the first time since entering the kitchen. “They are both huge idiots that don’t know shit about feelings.”

“What?” Tony asks again, wanting to know what Carol’s thinking.

“Okay I’ll tell you but don’t interrupt.” Carol warns and looks at all of them to make sure they nod in agreement. Once she is satisfied she starts. “So this morning I found Y/n in tears and covered in Natasha’s lipstick. Apparently they had fun at the party last night and then snuck away to makeout. Y/n was upset because Natasha asked her up to her room instead of on a date and she noticed that Natasha was wearing her mission heels, do you know them?”

“The ones that she uses to seduce old men for Shield?” Sam asks just to make sure.

“Yep.” Carol confirms. “So anyways Y/n is upset because she thinks that she was just some sort of challenge to Natasha so she left her there…”

“...but Natasha was actually serious about her.” Clint finishes.

Tony laughs. “They really are idiots.”

“I am definitely telling this story at their wedding and to their future kids.” Sam says, also laughing.

“Well first they need to actually talk to each other about this.” Bruce points out, lowering the happy mood of the room. “Right now they’re both in their rooms miserable and feelings like the other doesn’t want them.”

“We should get Natasha to talk to Y/n,” Carol suggests, “because I know that Y/n won’t believe us unless Natasha is the one to tell her.”

“Okay I volunteer to talk to Natasha.” Tony suggests.

“No.” Carol tells him.

“Well you’re Y/n’s best friend so she won’t want to talk to you either right now.” he counters.

“Yes but you’re also a horrible option, I think Bruce would be best for this.”

Bruce looks around the room. “Me?”

“That does make sense,” Clint agrees with Carol, “out of all of us you’re the best at calming people down and she’d be most likely to believe you quicker.”

“But-”

“No buts Brucie, don’t you want to see them together?” Tony pleads.

“Yeah come on Brucie,” Sam mocks Tony, “do it for love.”

Bruce sighs as he watches Tony pout and Sam flutter his eyelashes ridiculously. “Fine.”

“Get straight to the point,” Clint advises, “because she will kick you out if you don’t.”

“Okay.”

Bruce leaves the kitchen to head to Natasha’s room. It took ages for him to be convinced to join the avengers and every day he can’t tell if he regrets his choice or loves his choice. Certainly no other job in the world would force him to go talk to his scary assassin coworker so she and his other coworker can get together. He really isn’t paid enough for this.

A knock startles Natasha. She didn’t think anyone would come after her because she assumed they would all be too scared when she’s in a bad mood.

“Who is it?” she calls out.

“Bruce.”

“Bruce,” she sighs, “I’m sorry but I need to be alone right now, I hope you of all people can understand that.”

“No.” he responds, surprising both her and himself with how determined his voice sounds.

“Bruce-” she starts but he interrupts.

“Hear me out first Natasha,” he begs, “please.”

She thinks about it for a moment before giving up and sighing, she’s not in the mood to spend time arguing. “Fine, but you have to stay outside the door.”

“If that’s what you want.” he agrees, pausing a second to figure out how he wants to word things. “I just came back from an interesting conversation with Carol in the kitchen.” he settles on saying.

“Oh?” She tries not to think about what that means. Carol is your best friend and after her scene in the kitchen this morning she doesn’t think there would be any other reason he would bring her up.

“She was getting ice cream for Y/n because apparently she’s upset.” he offers as a means of explanation.

“Oh.” she says again and it’s so quiet she doesn’t think he heard her. “You can tell Carol that I’ll apologize to Y/n tomorrow, I need to gain control of myself first.”

She never thought about how it would be from your end of things. She forced you into more than you wanted and tried to ask you out and she selfishly focused on her own feelings when you probably were upset that she kissed you. Or you thought you would lose her as a friend. She doesn't think she is capable of talking to you without breaking down right now but in a few days she’ll be fine and able to pretend nothing changed.

“That’s not what she was upset about,” Bruce tells her, “Carol says she was upset because she thought it didn’t mean anything to you.”

“What, why?” Natasha can’t help but let her interest be taken. She doesn’t want to get her hopes up, what Bruce said could mean a lot of different things.

“I feel like I’m in middle school and there’s broken telephone being played between two crushes.” Bruce jokes.

“Bruce, tell me why.” Natasha demands. Her voice is soft but they both know if Bruce stalls any longer she’ll drop the sweet act.

“Well Carol said she said that it seemed like you were acting as if she was your mission to seduce and not like you actually wanted to be with her.” Bruce says, relaying the information.

“Crap.”

Bruce waits for Natasha to elaborate but she doesn’t say anything. “Are you okay in there?”

“Yes, thank you Bruce,” she says, “I need to go fix this, you can leave now.”

He can’t help but feel relieved as he speeds away down the hall. He is never going to do anything like that again, it was way too awkward. He still doesn’t understand how the others forced him to do this, damn his heart for being persuaded it was a good cause. The one upside is that talking to Natasha did seem to work and with any luck she’d be able to fix her mistakes with you. If she didn’t he did all this for nothing and may very well hulk out.

---

Natasha paces back and forth in her room. If Bruce was right (and she has no reason to believe he would lie) you didn’t run away because you didn’t like her, you ran away because you thought she didn’t like you. She winces when she thinks about it. Looking back she can see why you were mistaken and thought she didn’t have true feelings for you because she did treat you like a mark. She analyzed what hairstyle and dress you would like and wore her good luck heels. Even the way she talked and acted was calculated to be exactly what you’d like.

She’s stupid, so stupid and if she had just asked you out in a normal way instead of trying to seduce you she could be on a brunch date with you right now. It had never occurred to her to try it any other way, she was taught that seducing was the easiest way to get people to like you so why should it be different for a normal date? In hindsight using red room techniques to get a date is a horrible idea and she can’t believe she didn’t see it before. Maybe she hasn’t shaken off the red room ideals as much as she thought she had.

The thought scares her, her entire life upon leaving the red room has been dedicated to being a force for good, the opposite of everything the red room stood for so to realize that they still have their claws in deeper than she thought is terrifying. She takes a deep breath and tries to make it go away, which is mostly successful as the thought is reduced to the back of her mind. She can take her thoughts and analyze them later, which is another thing the red room taught her to do she notes, but right now she has to focus on the thing that’s most important, fixing her mistake.

As she walks through the halls to your room she runs through things she should say in her head but nothing sounds right. Perhaps it’s for the best though, that way you can tell she’s genuine and not performing another script. She pauses as she reaches your door, finding herself almost shaking with nerves. What if you don’t want her anymore or Bruce misunderstood or worst of all you still think she doesn’t care?

She almost turns around and goes back, unfamiliar with this type of fear but she knows that if she does all chances of fixing things and having a relationship with you will be reduced to zero. Taking a deep breath she turns the knob and pushes the door open.

You don’t look right away when you hear the door open, too lazy to care. “What took you so long, you were supposed to be back with the ice cream ages ago.”

“I-”

You spin around quickly. “You’re not Carol.”

“Nor do I have ice cream.” She tries to joke but it falls flat.

“Why are you here?” you ask and she winces. It’s blunt and straight to the point, your tone quiet but practically screaming at her to get out.

Since you got straight to the point she decides to do the same. “To ask you out.”

You must look even more shocked than you feel because she quickly jumps in to explain. “That’s what I was trying to do at the party last night, although I know you assumed that I didn’t mean it. I know you noticed the heels and I know I was smirking and it seemed like I was playing you but it really was genuine, I was just trying to do it the wrong way. I was always taught in the red room that to get people to like you romantically the best way to do that is to seduce them but obviously that is wrong and I didn’t realize until too late.”

There’s a lot of information to take in but your mind gets stuck on one question. “How do you know all that about how I felt?”

“Carol talked to Bruce who talked to me.” she says, looking slightly embarrassed at how elementary that sounds. “So?”

“So what?” You know she wants to know if you’ll go out with her for real and you really want to immediately say yes but you also want to hear her ask you properly.

She seems to understand. “Will you go on a date with me Y/n?”

You hesitate one moment before responding. It’s unnecessarily mean but you just spent a good portion of last night and this morning crying over her and besides, she looks absolutely adorable as she shifts her weight from side to side nervously. She looks exactly how you want her to look, no makeup and wearing sweatpants. It’s natural and genuine and everything you would have loved to see last night.

“Yes.”

“Oh thank god.” she laughs in relief, the pitch of it breathier than normal.

“I like it when you do that.” you tell her.

She furrows her brow, confused. “Do what?”

“When you laugh like that or wear old clothes, like you’re not trying to impress me.” you explain.

“So when I do the opposite of what I did last night?” she asks, laughing at herself for being so stupid. Of course you didn’t fall for all the acts, if you did she wouldn’t like you as much as she does. You make her feel different and that’s a good thing, she shouldn’t have to act around you.

“Yeah, don’t get me wrong last night was hot,” you tell her, “but it’s not you. That’s agent Romanoff putting on whatever mask she needs to be for the night, this here is my Tasha.”

“Your Tasha, huh,” she teases, “possessive much?”

“Sorry.”

“No,” she tells you, “I like it. I don’t need to put a mask on around you because you’re you and I am your Tasha. But you’re also mine.”

“All yours.” you confirm and she visibly shivers. “Apparently I’m not the only possessive one.”

“Apparently.” she says looking at you in a way that makes heat rise to your cheeks.

“Since we wasted time last night maybe we could start with a movie date right now?” you suggest shyly, changing the topic.

“Well we do have time to make up for.” she agrees, sitting down on the bed beside you. “What movie?”

“Mulan.” you tell her pressing the remote to drop the tv down into your room. There were definitely benefits to living with Tony.

“A disney movie?” she asks skeptically.

“Have you seen it?” you ask already knowing the answer before she shakes her head. “Then don’t knock it, it’s a great movie.”

“If you say so.” she says, still slightly skeptical but much more open to it. Even if the movie is garbage she doesn’t think she’d mind watching it with you. She definitely doesn’t mind it when your head drops onto your shoulder and you fall asleep, tired from the emotional rollercoaster you just went on. And when the movie ends she doesn’t move, happy to have you there, even when hours later her shoulder is all tense and cramped. It scares her how much she feels for you already but it also feels freeing, she knows she is not just the product of the red room because their biggest rule is to not fall in love and she’s definitely going to break that soon, if she hasn’t already.

---

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[ataraxyaz]

Natasha Romanoff + being unable to sit properly.