assassinsmusical

[assassinsmusical]

[assassinsmusical]

AAAAAAA

GUYS IM IN THE LOBBY TO SEE GREAT COMET AT THE DONMAR WAREHOUSE

[assassinsmusical]

GUYS IM IN THE LOBBY TO SEE GREAT COMET AT THE DONMAR WAREHOUSE

[assassinsmusical]

I want to [remembers that suicide jokes only further damage my mental health] fuck you like an animal

[assassinsmusical]

Sometimes, just for fun, I make critters out of porcelain.

[assassinsmusical]

I have a lot of respect for the guy who did the study about wolves, the one that came up with "alpha wolves". Because normally when you fuck up science, it just causes some delays and occasional pop-sci nonsense.

Dude fucked up science so badly he invented an entire new genre of pornography. I can only dream of being so influential.

[assassinsmusical]

all of my plans to watch that goat burn are fucked bc no one is burning that goat

[assassinsmusical]

[assassinsmusical]

Do you guys think If i hit an arbitrary goal i will finally unlock unlimited happiness?

[assassinsmusical]

Adulthood is like I have to go buy more shampoo. I have to go buy more coffee grounds. I have to go buy more eggs. I have to go buy more toilet paper. I have to go buy more paper towels. I have to go buy more cumin. I have to clean the dishes so they can get dirty again. I have to do my laundry so it can get dirty again. I have to clean the bathroom so it can get dirty again. I have to buy more cleaner to clean the bathroom. I have to go buy more rice. I have to cook dinner. I have to cook dinner. I have to go buy more shampoo again.

[assassinsmusical]

happy holidays all. I won’t be silent about what i saw today, December 8 at 10:06am on I-74 West.

[assassinsmusical]

At a festival. Small child is lying on the ground nearby with a large rock on their chest yelling MORE WEIGHT!!! GIVE ME MORE WEIGHT!!!

[assassinsmusical]

How do they choose which sand to be the glass and which sand to be the sand in an hourglass... Imagine you and your best friend were two grains of sand and you had to be in the hourglass and your bestie had to be the glass. Ur together but youve never been more apart. A Sick and twisted practice hourglassery is...

[assassinsmusical]

they love me because I be saying shit like alas and perchance

[assassinsmusical]

say what you want about dracula (1992) but this certainly is one of the screenshots of all time

[assassinsmusical]

hey um i’ve got some bad news. we mulled your boyfriend. he fell in the wine and we mulled him. yeah with the cinnamon sticks.

[assassinsmusical]

i feel like i do 25% of what an average person does in a day and still it's too much