asphaltasphodel

[asphaltasphodel]

my thoughts on kink(minors do not interact)

TW: talks of SA, CSA, abuse, zoophilia. There are hotlines at the bottom of the post if needed.

Lets just get a couple disclaimers out of the way first: 1) I will be using the terms kink and BDSM interchangeably. They’re not exactly the same thing, but this way will be easier. 2) This is a discussion of kinky acts between consenting adults – no children, no animals, no non-consenting participants. 3) Any adult can be into kink; man, woman, nonbinary/trans, any sexuality. There is a wide selection of roles and pretend power dynamics that anybody can mix and match. 4) It is okay to not be into kink. You are not a prude and anybody who says otherwise can go fuck themselves. One of kink’s core principles is sexual freedom, and that should include the freedom of those who are vanilla. 5) Kink is not always sexual in nature. If you don't want your genitals interacted with(or for your body to be touched at all), thats okay. There are many, many asexuals out there that enjoy kink in its many forms. 6) I am not an expert on kink, but I have gotten tired of seeing the rhetoric that kink/BDSM is evil and anybody who practices it is morally reprehensible. I have tried my best at researching what I can and I apologize for any mistakes. I will gladly accept any sources/studies that either agree or disagree with my point.

First of all, what is consent? According to Cornell Law School(1), “Consent means that a person voluntarily and willfully agrees in response to another person's proposition.” The parties in question must have the sufficient mental capacity, with absence of fraud, coercion, error, fear, and/or duress. There are a couple kinds of consent, express consent and implied consent. Express consent is given directly, either in writing or verbally. Implied consent can be “inferred through actions, signs, facts, even by inaction or silence.” Informed consent is very important within kink because some actions performed can be risky and require some knowledge to do safely. You might also hear ‘active and passive consent’. Active consent is your most known type of consent. It is express consent. Passive consent is more along the lines of implied consent. An example of active consent is asking your partner, every time, if you can kiss them(new relationship); passive consent is kissing them as you pass by because you already know the answer will be yes(long-term relationship).

Something I don’t see get talked about a lot, is just how intricate consent within BDSM can be. There are negotiations. It is not as ominous as it sounds(which is a common theme in how things are named within the community). Your pleasure is not held hostage. It is about discussing the pre, during, and post-play(2). It is discussing what all parties expect/want to/don’t want to happen. It is done in advance. It is a yes/no/maybe list. It is the time to discuss boundaries and safe words. Safewords can be as basic as a “no” or a “stop”, or it can be a word you and your partner have discussed that would not be something that you typically say. A common system is the traffic light system; “red” is stop, “green” is yes/keep going, and “yellow” can be wait, check-in, etc. You can even add other colors as needed. If it applies, nonverbal safewords should be discussed as well; it can be a bell, a clicker, pinching, tapping, etc.

“Why would you need a safeword anyway?”

To add to the immersion of the scene. It allows the submissive to feel as though the dominant has more power than they actually do. Negotiations are there to make sure everyone knows what is going to happen to ensure nobody's consent gets violated. Aftercare is also a big part of BDSM. It is the post-play. I think it should be more common in vanilla dynamics as well. Aftercare can look like taking a minute to yourself after or it can be the time to cuddle up, get a snack, clean up, whatever you feel like you and your partner(s) needs.

“Choices don’t exist in a vacuum!”

I know. Your choices don’t either. I understand that the patriarchy can influence all that we do and think. But I don’t see how removing a person’s ability to say yes to something is giving them more autonomy than removing their ability to say no. To have proper consent, you need to be able to say yes or no. Without either option, you cannot have true consent. Why does someone who doesn't listen to those within the actual community discussing have more authority than people who are in the community. We can agree that a woman can choose whether or not to have a baby, get tattoos, get piercings because it’s “her body, her choice”, right? Why is it different when it comes to kink/sex?  “Because men use sex to oppress women.” They use babies to oppress women too. Also what about sapphic(bi, lesbian, pan, etc) BDSM dynamics that have nothing to do with men?

“People who are into kink are creeps and abusers!”

People will be creeps and abusers regardless of consent. Saying that people who enjoy kink are more likely to be harmful because they like kink, is like saying gay people are more likely to be pedos because they are gay. It is ignoring all the vanilla/straight people who are just as harmful and abusive and creepy. Rapists don’t care about your consent. They don’t care about your feelings. They only care about their own pleasure. That’s not to say there aren’t harmful people who use kink to justify their abuse, and those people should be held accountable. To prevent abusers, villainizing kink isn’t the solution. Educating people on what consent is, to respect boundaries, and what red flags to look out for, is one of the solutions. Teaching kids consent and to respect one another is one of the solutions.

“You are okay with men abusing women!”

I’m not. The difference between kink and abuse is consent. You cannot consent to abuse. Consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. Coercion is not consent. Threatening is not consent. If you feel like you have to say yes, that is not consent. I don’t know if you have noticed, but I have been purposefully avoiding assigning genders to the dynamics. I find that a lot of people assume that the dominant is the male and the submissive is the female. Assigning genders is implying women are only able to be submissive or weaker than men, and men are only able to be dominant or stronger than women. Not only does it really limit your creativity with dynamics, but it screams unaddressed internalized misogyny. There are femdoms, maledoms, female subs, male subs, nonbinary subs/doms, even switches, and not to mention all the sapphic subs and doms, the achillean subs and doms. Femdoms have experienced harassment from men as well. These men assume what women want and believe that they are there for the man’s pleasure. It’s not the kink, it’s the entitlement. That entitlement exists outside of and separate from BDSM.

In kink, it is important to note that a lot of it is based in pretend play. A lot of it is a headspace. It is not actually 'real'. People aren’t actually being kidnapped, they aren’t actually 'slaves' as we know the term historically, they aren’t actually animals, they aren’t actually underage(stay with me here, I will explain a little later). The power exchange is not a real, consequential, power exchange. Submissives don’t hold more power than the dominant – dominants don’t hold more power than the submissive. Both have the ability to withdraw consent at any point. For a lot of people it is a form of escapism, a way to express themselves, and just let go. I understand being worried and having the alarms in your head go off as soon as you hear terms like cnc, ageplay, petplay, etc. As I implied earlier, the names the BDSM community uses are not super appealing to vanilla folk. You are allowed to be uncomfortable, but a lot of that discomfort is based solely on the name and your preconceived notions of what you think they involve. Based on the movies you have seen. As long as it is between consenting adults, your opinion is just your opinion. There is nothing illegal about have intercourse with consenting adults. There is something to say about people playing in public, which is not okay, because the general public have not consented to their play. The internet isn't really the 'general public'.

"Why would people want to be beaten?"

The chemicals in their brain. Impact play can release endorphins and raise the cortisol levels in their body, leaving a sort of high(10), a euphoria. It can be cathartic. Have you ever exercised in a way your body isn't that used to, and then the next day you feel sore? Yeah the soreness hurts but it doesn't feel that bad. At least to me, it feels nice. I feel proud. That is what impact play reminds me of. This kind of play needs to be done with extensive education and practice. There are tons of classes available for the kink community in order to practice it safely.

“People who are into cnc just want to SA others!”

Not necessarily. Kink requires consent, SA requires the lack of consent. If someone wants to SA another person, they are most likely not going to ask for true consent. Cnc stands for consensual-non-consent, keyword being consensual. The scene needs to be agreed upon by all parties involved. There is usually quite a bit of discussion beforehand, during the negotiation phase. The location, time, clothing, and what actions are going to take place, are often discussed. Cnc can let a person let go of themselves and their shame surrounding sex and pleasure because they aren’t in control. It is a very personal experience. Cnc is a spectrum as well as an act itself, some people are into free use, while others are into somnophilia(sleeping). All of which are discussed beforehand.

“They are sexualizing trauma!”

Kind of? Remember it all needs to be consensual to be considered BDSM, otherwise it’s assault, and it is actually not that uncommon for people who have experienced SA to be into cnc to some extent. It can allow survivors to take back the power and control they lost. Who are you to dictate how a person chooses to explore their trauma as a consenting adult with other consenting adult(s)? Prior trauma is not necessarily required to be into cnc. It could also be a societal thing too. There was a study done in 2009(3), that said, that out of 355 women, 62% of women had a rape fantasy. Out of that 62%, 9% were completely aversive, 45% were completely erotic, and 46% were both. It makes sense if you think about it. I mean what is the overarching fear/experience in most women? Sexual assault. 1 out of 6 women are victims of an attempted/completed assault in their lifetime(4).

Before I go any further, I am so sorry to anyone who has experienced sexual assault at any point in their life. I promise this post is not to invalidate your trauma. You are allowed to feel however you do. National sexual assault hotline(USA): 1- 800- 656- 4673

“People into petplay are zoophiles!”

Petplay never includes actual animals. It is an adult human pretending to be an animal. You cannot tell me that someone that is into petplay actually resembles an animal. You cannot tell me furries resemble actual animals. Also animals are physically and mentally incapable of consent, while adult humans are not. Those that engage in petplay don’t actually turn into animals. Petplayers are into it for a multitude of reasons that doesn’t just include sexual pleasure(although it can be a factor for some). For instance, relaxation, therapy, self expression, adult play, and community, just to name a few(5). It is symbolism to them. They get to be any animal that connects with them. Zoophilia is not exactly the same as bestiality. Zoophilia is a paraphilic disorder, bestiality is the action of sexual activity between human and animal(6). Bestiality/zoophilia is already a crime.

“People who are into age play are pedos!”

Pedophilia requires a child/underage person to be involved. It is a paraphilic disorder in which an adult/older adolescent experiences attraction to prepubescent children(7). Consenting adults do not resemble children. There are 60 year olds who are littles. They do not look like or actually think like children. This is similar to cnc, where some people who are into it have experienced trauma relating to it. It is a way to explore these feelings and experiences in a safe and consensual manner with people they trust. It does not have to be sexual at all. Kink does not have to be explicitly sexual. In age play, you don’t have to be a little either. There are littles, middles, and bigs. You can be older than you are. They don’t have to be submissives either.

“You are sexualising age regression!”

Age play came first. The age regression community was born, because on Tumblr, after a minor was discovered within the ageplay community and was subsequently ‘kicked out’, the minor used older studies on age regression as a concept to create their own safe-for-work community. The two can coexist, as long as we respect the rules/etiquette of both. Age play is strictly 18+ because it can get sexual for some people – age regression is strictly non-sexual and is typically used as a way to heal from past trauma without the possibility of sexual interactions. Minors tend to engage in age regression because it is sfw. Age regressors receive different benefits than age players might. To understand more about ageplay, I recommend the video, “Diapers, Age Play, and the Psychology of ABDL” by Taboo Science on Youtube.

“Raceplay is racist!"

One of the more controversial kinks, it is not even commonly practiced in BDSM(some dungeons have banned it). I am not interested in raceplay at all. Some white people are into raceplay and some POC are into raceplay. I have heard that a huge issue within the raceplay community is consent. Even if a POC is open with their distaste for raceplay, they will still have people trying to engage with them in this manner, without their consent. That, to me, is racist(and goes against the core principles of consent). Disregarding a person of color’s opinion and consent is viewing them as less than. I know this is not how all people behave, but many POC have had this happen to them and so it should still be addressed. Many kinks seem to revolve around insecurities, traumas and social taboos. Confronting it in a consensual manner with consenting participants can be therapeutic for some.

“These people should just go to therapy!”

Everyone who has experienced trauma should go to therapy. Kink should not be used in place of therapy. I believe people who age regress should also go to therapy. If you feel like you need therapy, you should go to therapy.

“But I didn’t consent to seeing it on my FYP.”

Scroll, block, mute. That's like walking past a Victoria’s Secret shop in the mall and complaining that you didn’t consent to seeing it. Yes there is a limit to what should be allowed on a public social media, but as long as there are no acts actually being performed and no nudity, then just scroll.

“But there are minors on here!”

That is up to the parents to educate them and monitor what they are viewing, not some internet stranger, especially not those that make it clear that minors are not allowed on their page. Minors will always try to go where they are not allowed, (I know I did) which is why sex education is so important!

“It makes me uncomfortable.”

Again just scroll. It is okay to not like it, but you don’t get to dictate whether or not someone else can like it. Please understand that because it makes you uncomfortable, you are coming from a biased perspective. Just like how, because I am interested in it, I am also coming from a biased perspective.

“They should raise the age of consent to 25!”

That will backfire hard. The whole ‘your brain finishes developing at 25’ thing is a myth(8). Your brain is constantly developing new neurological pathways. It is how you build habits, get rid of others, etc. A lot of our decision making skills are built by experience and understanding the consequences of our actions. The main problem with raising the age of consent is that it won’t just impact the age you can consent to sex. You usually graduate high school at 18 and go off into the world. Raising the age of consent will impact what you can do. If you think the government won’t use this against us, you are wrong and have fallen for propaganda. The government will use this as a reason to raise the legal voting age, because ‘our decision making skills aren’t developed enough.’

Finishing Thoughts:

Kink and vanilla sex require consent, otherwise it is assault.

Kink play is strictly for adults. No exceptions.

Kink/BDSM is not limited to gender or sexuality. 

Do not use movies as a representation of what kink actually is. 

Blame men for their actions. 

Don’t let the government control how consenting adults choose to interact with one another. 

I wish there were more scientific studies on kink/BDSM. 

We should prioritize education rather than demonization and criminalization. 

It is not your fault if someone violates your consent. I'm sorry that it happened. I do not support assault.

Thought crimes are not real crimes if it has not caused harm to others. You cannot get arrested for thoughts.(9)

You should not be arrested for a crime you didn't commit.

You cannot control what turns you on, but if it distresses you, please speak to a professional(there are professionals who specialize in sex and fetishes)

Hotlines: National domestic abuse hotline: 800- 799- 7233 Childhelp national abuse hotline: 800- 422- 4453 Suicide and crisis lifeline: 988 National sexual assault hotline: 1- 800- 656- 4673

Sources:

Cornell Law School. (2022, August). Consent. LII / Legal Information Institute. https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/consent

-RAINN. (2024). What Consent Looks Like | RAINN. Rainn.org. https://rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent

Harris, S. (2023, February 21). The Basics of BDSM Negotiation | Kinkly - Straight up Sex Talk With a Twist. Kinkly - Straight up Sex Talk with a Twist; Kinkly. https://blog.kinkly.com/the-basics-of-bdsm-negotation/

-Kink, I. (2021, April 24). KYNK 101. KYNK 101. https://kynk101.com/kink-bdsm-facts/consent?srsltid=AfmBOorE796XosRCY-tvrkYC58n-BIeXhkUzCg3xC73LRGbblLcXELtu

Bivona, J., & Critelli, J. (2009). The Nature of Women’s Rape Fantasies: An Analysis of Prevalence, Frequency, and Contents. Journal of Sex Research, 46(1), 33–45. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224490802624406

-Consensual Non-Consent: CNC Kinks Explained. (2024, August 8). Natural Cycles. https://www.naturalcycles.com/cyclematters/consensual-non-consent

RAINN. (2025). Victims of Sexual Violence: Statistics. Rainn.org. https://rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence

Langdridge, D., & Lawson, J. (2019). The Psychology of Puppy Play: A Phenomenological Investigation. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 48(7), 2201–2215. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-019-01476-1

Zoophilia. (2024, March 21). Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoophilia

Wikipedia Contributors. (2019, September 23). Pedophilia. Wikipedia; Wikimedia Foundation. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia

Burnett, D. (2024, April 26). “Your brain isn’t fully formed until you’re 25”: A neuroscientist demolishes the greatest mind myth. Www.sciencefocus.com. https://www.sciencefocus.com/comment/brain-myth-25-development

Wallace-Wolf, J. (2021). Think Again: The Thought Crime Doctrine and the Limits of Criminal Law. Bowen Law Repository: Scholarship & Archives. https://lawrepository.ualr.edu/faculty_scholarship/295/

Engle, G. (2023, April 6). Impact play: everything to know about the BDSM practice. Mashable. https://mashable.com/article/impact-play-bdsm-sex-guide

Online Educators I Recommend:

Evie Lupine♦

Watts the Safeword♦

Kat Blaque

Miss Elle X

Taboo Science♦

(If you have any others, feel free to suggest)

Thank you for reading! I know this was a long post. ♥

I understand if somethings that I said might not make sense, I tried my best. If you think there is something that I have overlooked, don't be afraid to mention it.

[asphaltasphodel]

some photos i took when i went to a museum

This was one of the paintings in the section celebrating Cuban artists. This was a painting of the artists daughter(I don't remember the artists name, sorry!)

This was from the same section as the one above. It is an Italian peasant by Leopoldo Romañach. This painting is the one that really stopped me in my tracks. The eyes are so expressive!

This was in a different section of the museum. It is actually a stained glass door depicting the story of Romeo and Juliet(don't remember the artist of this one either).

This was in a different building sharing the different Florida artists.

There were so many gorgeous paintings that showed the history and beauty of Florida(without all the horrible politics).

My legs were killing me after standing and walking for so long. I really recommend visiting the museums that might be in your area(if you can). Sorry I don't have the names for all the artists, it has been over a week since I saw them and I am not very good at remembering names. I don't feel comfortable sharing the museum for privacy, but iykyk.

[asphaltasphodel]

Did you read my full post? I'm not trying to justify men nonconsensually pulling women's hair(assaulting them). I was saying how I believe her intention wasn't to romanticize that action and paint it as a good thing but to use it an artistic choice to criticize men. If she wanted the hair pulling to be the main focus, she would have made it the focus. If she wanted the man to be the main focus, she would have made him the focus.

It is not Sabrina's fault that men assume that most women like having their hair pulled or being choked. It is a deeper issue that, to fix, needs to be a conversation started in childhood. The conversation about the importance of consent needs to start earlier in life. It is not, and should not, be a woman's(not related to them) job to teach men to keep their hands to themselves(unless told otherwise).

(Please read all if you do read it, I promise I'm making a point<3)

No, Sabrina Carpenter did not set feminism back with her album cover. Just because it made you uncomfortable, doesn't mean what she did was wrong, you just didn't understand it. Really you didn't.

The cover has her on the ground on her knees in a sort of "dog" position with a man gripping the ends of her hair. The album title is called "Man's Best Friend". What is man's best friend? A dog. It is known that a man calling a woman a bitch is an act of misogyny. What is another definition of bitch? A female dog. Notice how the man is barely in the photo. The man is not the focus of the cover. It can also represent how it doesn't matter who the man is, all men can be misogynists; your brother, your boyfriend, your male friend, some random man on the street, a male politician, even your father. So Sabrina on her knees is the "bitch", her hair could be considered the leash, and the man is...well...a man. It is on-the-nose. It's supposed to be.

"It's not even satire!"

The definition of satire is "the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues." (note: humor is not always used to make light of situations, ex: political cartoons, the response to OceanGate and the jokes about 9/11) South Park is a great example of how satire can be on-the-nose and not be advocating for the problems it depicts. Another example is the TV series "Kevin Can F* Himself", it's a take on the hot-wife and idiot husband tropes often depicted in sitcoms. The show has two juxtaposing POVs:

The husband's POV: the classic bright light scene and a laugh track to accompany whenever he does an "oopsy" or makes a jab at his "nagging" wife. The husband is the focal point of most, if not all, of these scenes.

The wife's POV: the reality, the bright lights replaced with a dimmer filter, there is no laugh track and there is no husband. The husband is only part of this scene at the end when his "lights" finally come crashing down when the wife finally leaves him.

What does this have to do with Sabrina Carpenter? Well, from what we have heard from the upcoming album with her song "Manchild" and the accompanying music video, she doesn't necessarily show men in the best light. The entire song is just her calling them dumb. The term man-child is literally used to called men immature and insult them(rightfully so). The video shows men in ridiculous situations and not being what she needs(being useless) and wasting her time. This isn't her first time making fun of men either. She has literally killed a man with an elevator in the music video for "Feather"! Anyway... back to the point, she is no stranger to juxtaposition. She has a sweet aesthetic which is typical to a 50s aesthetic but contrasts that with ridiculing men and being independent from them. We'll see when the album actually comes out but why would she switch it up know?

"It's overly sexual!"

Do you not remember her Juno poses? I don't even listen to her music all that much and I have seen them. I don't know what you were expecting. There could be something to say about how artists these days feel like they have to be more erotic in their art, but I think that is less an individual issue and more a collective response to the more conservative political climate we are in currently(in the USA specifically). Personally, I don't think the cover is all that sexual anyway. Yes, I can see the k!nk aspect that some people are arguing for, but it feels like more of a background interpretation than the one Sabrina is intending for you to see. I do want to talk about pro-k!nk vs anti-k!nk at some point, but that will have to wait for another post.

"She is romanticizing 50s adverts that promote DV!"

I agree that she is referencing those adverts and that is the point! Referencing something harmful does not equal romanticizing it.

"But the Lolita references!"

The album cover itself was not a reference to Lolita. The magazine shoot she did with W Mag is a what you are talking about, which I could see as well and is an honest criticism. It was only one(1) photo out of many others that did not reference that. She did come out and respond saying she had not scene the movie. I don't blame her, it is not as popular of a movie as you may think. I haven't seen the movie in full and it was only a few scenes. The movie was a horrendous adaptation of the book and went against Nabokov's wishes. I believe her when she said she has/had not seen the movie. Maybe she's lying, maybe she's not. It has nothing to do with the album cover though.

"But the lyrics she sang!"

The lyrics you are talking about are when she was in Mexico on tour “I’m full grown, but I look like a niña / Come put something big in my casita / Mexico, I think you are bonita”. And honestly, fair enough. It's weird. She did not think that through. I don't know how much effort she puts into her outros. But again, it has nothing to do with the album cover.

Finishing thoughts:

There are things to hold Sabrina accountable for, but they don't have anything to do with the album cover, which was the initial complaint. Maybe I thought a little to deep on somethings and maybe you don't think she is smart enough to make intelligent references. This conversation is not black and white. Most things aren't. I understand not wanting to support people who don't hold the same values and beliefs as you, but this has turned into a witch hunt against primarily women(Sabrina Carpenter, Sydney Sweeney, Chappell Roan, Gracie Abrams, etc). You can be uncomfortable with things but that does not mean it is morally wrong. You have to step and realize that because you have a strong emotions, you are coming at it from a biased perspective. Which is not an inherently wrong thing to do, it just means you have to not jump to conclusions and actually sit with those feelings away from the internets input. And yes, your initial emotions can be right, but the immediate jump to "she's horrible" and "she hates women", is not the way to go. We live in a time where we all exist in an echo chamber of our own making, we only hear our own opinions repeated back to us and it has rotted out critical thinking skills. Please reads more books(support your local libraries!) and engage critically with the media you consume. Please remember that there are about 8 billion people on Earth and most of them don't want to watch the world burn and are simply human.

<3Thank You for Reading! I am open to discussion!<3

[asphaltasphodel]

~just a little intro~

I'm Emily, I am 20(2004), I go by she/her, and I am bisexual.

I don't have anybody to really talk to about my thoughts and opinions with and I want them out of my head, so I decided to start posting them here. It might be about books, music, movies, pop culture, whatever I feel like basically.

If you want to interact go ahead, if not, no worries! I won't take this stuff too seriously, because let's be honest, at the end of the day, the internet is such a small fraction of our day to day lives.

I am anti-censorship, anti-racism, pro-choice, pro-swork, pro-trans rights, pro-gay rights and I am a feminist. Free Palestine! (you get the point but i will add any more if need be)

I'm an introvert and am not used to talking online a lot. I was an emo kid lite in middle school. I took AP English Lit in HS. Recently I've gotten back into coloring books, highly recommend. Favorite color: green. I listen to most genres of music if the song or vibe is good but I gravitate towards more alternative and indie(I know how pretentious).

If there is a book, movie or song you recommend feel free to do so.

Books I recommend(subject to change): The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas by Ursula K. Le Guin, Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver, When We Lost Our Heads by Heather O'Neill

Games I've been playing(subject to change): Warframe, LADS, Fields of Mistria.

I understand that everybody has different experiences and that shapes how we view the world and the people around us. My opinions might change in the future as I live and experience more and more. What I post here might not be what I feel in five years, but who knows? Life will ebb and flow like always. <3

"But then it passed as all things do"- Khaled Hosseini

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[asphaltasphodel]

(Please read all if you do read it, I promise I'm making a point<3)

No, Sabrina Carpenter did not set feminism back with her album cover. Just because it made you uncomfortable, doesn't mean what she did was wrong, you just didn't understand it. Really you didn't.

The cover has her on the ground on her knees in a sort of "dog" position with a man gripping the ends of her hair. The album title is called "Man's Best Friend". What is man's best friend? A dog. It is known that a man calling a woman a bitch is an act of misogyny. What is another definition of bitch? A female dog. Notice how the man is barely in the photo. The man is not the focus of the cover. It can also represent how it doesn't matter who the man is, all men can be misogynists; your brother, your boyfriend, your male friend, some random man on the street, a male politician, even your father. So Sabrina on her knees is the "bitch", her hair could be considered the leash, and the man is...well...a man. It is on-the-nose. It's supposed to be.

"It's not even satire!"

The definition of satire is "the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues." (note: humor is not always used to make light of situations, ex: political cartoons, the response to OceanGate and the jokes about 9/11) South Park is a great example of how satire can be on-the-nose and not be advocating for the problems it depicts. Another example is the TV series "Kevin Can F* Himself", it's a take on the hot-wife and idiot husband tropes often depicted in sitcoms. The show has two juxtaposing POVs:

The husband's POV: the classic bright light scene and a laugh track to accompany whenever he does an "oopsy" or makes a jab at his "nagging" wife. The husband is the focal point of most, if not all, of these scenes.

The wife's POV: the reality, the bright lights replaced with a dimmer filter, there is no laugh track and there is no husband. The husband is only part of this scene at the end when his "lights" finally come crashing down when the wife finally leaves him.

What does this have to do with Sabrina Carpenter? Well, from what we have heard from the upcoming album with her song "Manchild" and the accompanying music video, she doesn't necessarily show men in the best light. The entire song is just her calling them dumb. The term man-child is literally used to called men immature and insult them(rightfully so). The video shows men in ridiculous situations and not being what she needs(being useless) and wasting her time. This isn't her first time making fun of men either. She has literally killed a man with an elevator in the music video for "Feather"! Anyway... back to the point, she is no stranger to juxtaposition. She has a sweet aesthetic which is typical to a 50s aesthetic but contrasts that with ridiculing men and being independent from them. We'll see when the album actually comes out but why would she switch it up know?

"It's overly sexual!"

Do you not remember her Juno poses? I don't even listen to her music all that much and I have seen them. I don't know what you were expecting. There could be something to say about how artists these days feel like they have to be more erotic in their art, but I think that is less an individual issue and more a collective response to the more conservative political climate we are in currently(in the USA specifically). Personally, I don't think the cover is all that sexual anyway. Yes, I can see the k!nk aspect that some people are arguing for, but it feels like more of a background interpretation than the one Sabrina is intending for you to see. I do want to talk about pro-k!nk vs anti-k!nk at some point, but that will have to wait for another post.

"She is romanticizing 50s adverts that promote DV!"

I agree that she is referencing those adverts and that is the point! Referencing something harmful does not equal romanticizing it.

"But the Lolita references!"

The album cover itself was not a reference to Lolita. The magazine shoot she did with W Mag is a what you are talking about, which I could see as well and is an honest criticism. It was only one(1) photo out of many others that did not reference that. She did come out and respond saying she had not scene the movie. I don't blame her, it is not as popular of a movie as you may think. I haven't seen the movie in full and it was only a few scenes. The movie was a horrendous adaptation of the book and went against Nabokov's wishes. I believe her when she said she has/had not seen the movie. Maybe she's lying, maybe she's not. It has nothing to do with the album cover though.

"But the lyrics she sang!"

The lyrics you are talking about are when she was in Mexico on tour “I’m full grown, but I look like a niña / Come put something big in my casita / Mexico, I think you are bonita”. And honestly, fair enough. It's weird. She did not think that through. I don't know how much effort she puts into her outros. But again, it has nothing to do with the album cover.

Finishing thoughts:

There are things to hold Sabrina accountable for, but they don't have anything to do with the album cover, which was the initial complaint. Maybe I thought a little to deep on somethings and maybe you don't think she is smart enough to make intelligent references. This conversation is not black and white. Most things aren't. I understand not wanting to support people who don't hold the same values and beliefs as you, but this has turned into a witch hunt against primarily women(Sabrina Carpenter, Sydney Sweeney, Chappell Roan, Gracie Abrams, etc). You can be uncomfortable with things but that does not mean it is morally wrong. You have to step and realize that because you have a strong emotions, you are coming at it from a biased perspective. Which is not an inherently wrong thing to do, it just means you have to not jump to conclusions and actually sit with those feelings away from the internets input. And yes, your initial emotions can be right, but the immediate jump to "she's horrible" and "she hates women", is not the way to go. We live in a time where we all exist in an echo chamber of our own making, we only hear our own opinions repeated back to us and it has rotted out critical thinking skills. Please reads more books(support your local libraries!) and engage critically with the media you consume. Please remember that there are about 8 billion people on Earth and most of them don't want to watch the world burn and are simply human.

<3Thank You for Reading! I am open to discussion!<3