aspddazai

[aspddazai]

i don’t like anybody so to get along with me you have to be able to not be disliked by me

[aspddazai]

[aspddazai]

things i wish people talked about wrt low empathy: being so apathetic that you have no motivation to get up or even consider the future, perpetual boredom, not feeling the need to connect with anyone, being extremely uncomfortable when people are nice to you or understand you too well, doing things that are irresponsible and impulsive just to not be bored if only for a second

things people do talk about wrt low empathy: how we’re all “emotionally unintelligent” to-be murderers or whatever

[aspddazai]

[aspddazai]

Why are you problematic

just for fun

[aspddazai]

"me and who" that's literally me and you but I'm too mentally ill to make a meaningful connection with another human.

[aspddazai]

“‘I am no longer myself…I feel strange, I am no longer in my body, it is someone else; I sense my body but it is far away, some other place. Here are my legs, my hands, I can also feel my head, but cannot find it again. I hear my voice when I speak, but the voice seems to originate from some other place’. He has difficulty in localizing his own person: ‘Am I here or there? Am I here or behind?’ When he does something, he has a feeling of observing his actions as a witness, without being actively involved: ‘One might think that my person is no longer here…I walk like a machine; it seems to me that it is not me who is walking…’”

— Josef Parnas, Self and Schizophrenia: A Phenomenological Perspective

[aspddazai]

Sometimes I really hate how pathetic and weak and emotional other people are

[aspddazai]

some of you never developed a personality disorder that made it incredibly difficult to connect with people and build regular relationships and do everyday things and it shows

[aspddazai]

loveless aspd culture is always freezing up when youre asked what you like about someone you know and just giving a two word response like “theyre funny” or “theyre nice” because you genuinely cannot answer the question

.

[aspddazai]

[aspddazai]

hey sorry for getting really pissy at you earlier because I could hear you chewing. see I have a condition called [remembers pathologizing my behavior is unhelpful] it's actually because I hate you, specifically,

[aspddazai]

i thought i was gonna be dead before i turn 18 and now im 24 and have no idea what im doing with my life

[aspddazai]

[aspddazai]

Sherlock portrait by me 

[aspddazai]

Alastor:

Also Alastor:

And I barely escaped being killed by a hair

"Great Alastor, altruist, died for his friends"

Sorry to disappoint, that is not where this ends

I'm hungry for freedom like never before

The constraints of my deal surely have a back door

Once I figure out how to unclip my wings

Guess who will be pulling all the strings!

Me: WHICH ONE IS IT, ALASTOR? WHO ARE YOU????

[aspddazai]

Most people think of masking as only autism and adhd but it fits pther neurodivergencies too.

For example, ASPD

The fact you are pressured to pretend to feel the same emotions as others (empathy). The fact you are pressured to act like you feel guilt or shame even if you've never felt them so don't know how they feel. The fact you are expected to act like you have prosocials morality of social norms, legality, or even worse, disgust based morality.

It's draining, so you are stuck between being drained all the time or having people view you as an iredeemable evil monster just for existing in a different way then them even when you aren't causing anything worse then them in terms of benefit vs detriment.