askpurral

[askpurral]

How much do you get paid for a fairy? I'm thinking about starting my own business, but I'm not sure between faerys or pigeons

The purreko hush you.

×My dear girl/boy/non binary -Please don't hesitate in correcting the messy seller your pronouns- You know what you are asking me is a crime? I abide to law!

[Huang Hua passes by the market and leaves]

×Ahhh, thanks to the Oracle... She left!

it's a lot more than pigeons! And they're way cuter too, which is always a bonus. Sorry I can't give you an exact amount because we never go into detail about our pay, but I think it depends on your bargain with the Templars.

[guardians passes by]

× I dunno what you are talking about but don't forgive your bindle, sweetie.

He slipped a letter inside the daily bindle, hands to you, then stood up and walked over to Purriry's stand.

[askpurral]

Purral are you doing alright buddy?

[The purreko gesticulates with his paw to you inviting to come closer.]

×Hello my dear, long time… How are things? I had been quite busy with some merchant travelling here and there to satisfy your requests…

But tell me about you. How are you? What brings a beautiful sweet thing like you to me today?

[askpurral]

Dear guardians of Eel,

The modern purreko merchant left you a videomessage or what ever humans call it in his rare new mirror with "magical" images - he claims it's a screen - which replaces his market stall sign.

Don't forget to activate the sound.

[askpurral]

Purral, you are really cute~

Could you summon Valkyons ghost for some manaas pleasee??

Thanks you sweetheart.

Of course, I know someone able to help us. But the price of her services are around 35k - taxes not included- can you afford It?

After this you are going to help me in disposing the actual leader of Head Quarters and forcefully become the next, right?

we'll discuss the details later dear.

[askpurral]

bitch where the fuck are you again

stop leaving

I'm sorry about my past absence. But I'm back and I promise you wont see me leaving again, sweetie.

If there's something I can do to compens-

Where's. . . !

WHERE IS THAT [censored] ? !

. . .

[Purral has left the conversation, the Guard and the Eel's lands]

[askpurral]

stan Purral for clear skin I LOVE YOU

Hello my dear!

I'm so glad you support my business. Beautiful clients like you make me the envy of the other purrekos.

As a sign of the great space you occupy in my heart let me give you this, direct from Purriry's store. Although… That beautiful porcelain skin of yours doesn't need any fancy products.

See you beautiful!

[askpurral]

Say Purral, being the great deal-maker you are, you must have eyes and ears all over HQ. Is there any way you can get me some of the, ah, relatively unknown yet embarrassing intel on the members? (All for completely innocent purposes of course;) Also, dear, you may be handsome, but I don't take well to scammers. At least, give me a taste of some of that intel before shamelessly taking my maanas:D

Well well, darling. It seems that you have accused me of something that I have never done. Being a scammer!

It has hurt me in each of my whiskers to pronounce it.

I'll give you a taste of my vast information but probably we will need several days to give you a glimpse of all the people in this guard.

I'll start with the little dog and his girlfriend Karen today, but you can ask me for someone specific tomorrow

Do you remember how clueless Chrome was seven years ago? Well, my dear, while you were away ...

EZAREL

What?

YOUHAVETOHELPMENEVRAISGOINGTOKILLMEE

Calm down, you make my ears hurt

That boy was learning about hormones's effects. But he knew nothing of biological ed and thought Karenn got pregnant for only one kiss!

In resume... You think Karen is pregnant because you gave her a kiss with a lick?

it's not a normal kiss Ezarel, we had tongue contact!

and?

The other day when we brought food to Ashkore's cell, he yelled at me to be careful with tongue contact if I didn't want surprises. That's what he meant, right??!?!?!

. . .

Yes, Chrome.

Congratulations for your new baby.

When Karenn found out Chrome's beliefs she made Ewelein explain a few things to him. But he's still actually ashamed.

[askpurral]

I heard that you need to hide something from Satan, is it true? Well, I think I can help you. But I need something too.

-a Guardian from El

oh dear thank you very much. Of course I will make it up to you.

throws Satan's undies at the guardian's face.

send me the details to the Fenguang temple where I will be hiding to discuss the deal.

[askpurral]

Hey Purral, could you tell me a secret about Lance? Is he still a traitor or did he really changed? 🤔 What do you know Purral?

Listen precious to what I am going to tell you, the masses do not know it and there are people in power who do not want it to be known.

The original Lance is being mind controll-

SMACK

(Smashed with a frying pan noises)

Nonsense. I'm a good boy, ain't I?

[askpurral]

*whispers* psssst. purrallll. i need nevra's eye.

Hello my dear. I must admit that you have left me speechless with your request. even big traders like me have limits they can't cross.

[whispers] but the mighty merchant Purral is even bigger. Take this. [Handes you a bag with a fake plastic eye inside]

So tell me... what kind of business will you be using that thing I haven't given you, because I'm clearly a rule-abiding person, for?

[askpurral]

Tell your manager that it still hurts.

Darlin', are you still hurt about Ezarel? I can't see you, my most beautiful client, so sad. That's why i brought you a present.

First they stole my honey, now they kidnap me. Great... SIMPLY GREAT.

Don't thank me, just get me a passport, a fake name and ID, and a new life where kidnapping elves isn't a crime.

Mod Miso's note:

I miss them too :(

I'm sorry~

[askpurral]

You have 24 hours to give my underwear back, Purral. Otherwise..

-Satan

Hello my dear Satan.

I am sorry that you are not happy with my service I don't remember taking your underwear, it could have been any other purreko or not? You'll need proof to frame me, and I'll be waiting for it like the brave man that I am.

[runs away]

[askpurral]

Hi my sweetieeeee I love youuuuuuuu

Hello sweetheart, how is that beautiful guardian doing? May I give a rose to my favorite customer of all world?

[askpurral]

I WILL F****** KILL YOU IF U DONT F****** GIVE MY F****** MONEY BACK YOU LITTLE F****** A******

I'm sorry precious, but my signed books where I record my sales have been mysteriously burned before the official supervision of the El Guard got their hands on it.

(conspiratorial wink)

I won't be able to return your money because I don't know who you are or what you bough. It's a case of force majeure, you see.

[askpurral]

PURRAL WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN

Oh you know… Over here… Over there… On a long business trip inside Erika's backpack.

I'll be back soon with new exclusive items from Earth.

Like this ice-dragon slayer vehicle.

Xoxo, Purral.

P.S.: Tell Valkyon's widow her request will arrive soon.

[askpurral]

Why you don't like Leiftan? What did he do?

As I said before darling, we purrekos are creatures full of love directed towards our neighbor.

But if that neighbor insists on buying Erika's old panties and then hands you over to the previous kitsune boss, because 'you have sold drugs to the children'- A charge that has of course been invented - Then that neighbor doesn't deserve my respect.

You can't sell drugs to kids, Purral.

Oh shut up, you human-sized crowmero with horns. That was flour.

YOU #@~€·#--

(breathes) Think about yoga… Don't be a daemon…

[askpurral]

Will you sold the LI Earth undewear too?

You mean those kids change their underwear? I've been stealing the same ones for the entire first season.

But if you have... a good offer for me, maybe I'll sell them all to you.