arteriovenous

[arteriovenous]

back on my himiko and dabi posting btw himiko absolutely loved dabi enough to be able to make his fire. she did. horikoshi doesn't understand dabi and himiko like i do. the reason she's struggling in that moment was because she having a breakdown and she's never used dabi's quirk before so, with her focus already suffering, she couldn't navigate her way through entirely unfamiliar quirk factors. making doubles as twice felt natural, easy as breathing, because it isn't so different from her own quirk in many ways. its all about shifting. its remaking yourself. she can do that even with her thoughts scattered, but dabi's quirk is wholly alien to her and she's never had his blood. she's never experienced that transformation herself. she's never felt the heat of dabi's flames blooming from her own hands, burning inside her. that's why none of the duplicates she made used their quirks, except for jin or ochako, because she's never had a chance to use them herself despite how desperately she loved them all. it wasn't that she failed to become jin, despite how much she loved him. it's because she needs to transform and feel the quirk herself before she can hope to use it in conjunction with jin's quirk

[arteriovenous]

i think himiko loves the concept of izuku but i don't think she really loves him, as a person. she never got a chance to, y'know? but i still think about no izuku you have to stay! i love you so you have to stay with me! during the final war arc because this is after ochako's first rejection of her this is after jin died this is after tomura was scooped out and partially replaced by afo this is after dabi decided he was still going to die to kill his father this is after big sis mag is gone this is after compress sacrificed himself so they could escape this is after spinner gets hit with that extra quirk that changes how he expresses himself this is after kurogiri is taken by the heroes. you have to stay with me, because no one else will. i love them all so much and they never stay, why is it never enough. but you'll stay, won't you, if i love you enough

[arteriovenous]

@skepticxsm said ❛ what are you doing out here by yourself? ❜

it's childish, churlish, but she can't help the petulant pout that pulls at her lips when the quiet she'd been craving so desperately was interrupted. its easier to stay perched where she is, arms wrapped tight around her aching chest as though that brusing force will somehow alleviate the hunger clawing her apart, but the dry vitriol she wishes she could summon takes more energy than she can spare. maybe if she still hated the weirdo she could have managed it, but skeptic hasn't been worth hating for  —  well, himiko can't remember how long now, thoughts disjointed and misaligned as they are. she feels perfectly, completely neutral towards him and that neutrality is the only reason she forces out a listless answer.   ❝ i needed some air. it's, like, super gross in there sometimes. ❞

she doesn't like being lonely, never has, but sometimes being alone isn't so bad. sometimes she needs it, nearly as much as she needs blood.

still, the last thing she wants is this turning into something far more dramatic than it is, so she pushes to her feet with an exaggerated sigh and twirls on one heel to face him.   ❝ you're definitely not my boss, so i wasn't about to ask for permission or something. now, fair's fair! what are you doing out here by yourself, hm? ❞   

[arteriovenous]

i actually find hawks an interesting character to be clear this isn't me hating on him. its more of an exploration of how himiko feels about a nearly friend. someone who took the most precious thing in the world from her, first by feeding information to the heroes and then by killing jin. she wanted to love him. she wanted to so desperately, because hawks was going to join them! dabi found him and brought him back and hawks was going to be one of them! but she could feel something wasn't right, deep down in her bones, could feel something about the way hawks interacted with them was off. the way he interacted with jin was off

but himiko thought maybe she was being petty or jealous because he was taking away jin, her new brother that didn't fill the space of the one she lost but had his own little spot in her heart that she guarded so viciously, and jin liked hawks. he liked him and wanted to spend his time with hawks so she bit it back over and over again and let it play out and something was off but she second guessed herself and jin's dead. hawks is alive and crawled back to his heroes and jin's dead. nothing will bring him back, not even those last drops of blood dabi gifted her, and she hates hawks for what he took from her. she has to hate him because if she thinks too long about the fact she had a bad feeling, her instincts going haywire, and still let jin get hurt by that so - called hero she's going to rip herself apart

[arteriovenous]

@sleepdeprxved said ❛ that was a close call, wasn’t it? ❜

the only answer she can manage at first is a breathless giggle, the sound high and reedy as familiar exhilaration winds tight in her chest the way it always does when she wins and tangles around her lungs liked barbed wire as she tries to catch her breath. nia wasn't wrong. it had been a close call, far closer than she'd care to admit, but its hard to care about something as distant as a maybe or almost when the thrill of success is singing in her blood.

❝ aw, were you worried about me? that's so cute. ❞   her voice is an airy croon, still distracted by the near miss and the unsteady thump of her heart against her ribs, but the grin she flashes at the other is equal parts genuine and smug. there's nearly a skip to her step as she bounds closer, idly brushing non - existent dust from her threadbare sweater as she went.   ❝ you don't have to be! i can totally handle way worse than that. ❞

[arteriovenous]

shitposting from work because i can't post replies on mobile but. toga himiko.

[arteriovenous]

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE (2022) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the film, adjust as necessary

in another life, i would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you.

the universe is so much bigger than you realize.

maybe we would have been better off if we had never gotten married.

why are you dressed all stupid?

you're just very bad at explaining.

how did i die?

he who loves the most regrets the most.

why would anybody want to kill me?

it's the way you look at me.

how do you think i feel?

you can either come with me and live up to your ultimate potential, or lie here and live with the consequences.

do you still want to do your party?

you are not unlovable. there is always something to love.

you think i'm weak, don't you?

can we just stop fighting?

you're capable of anything because you're so bad at everything.

i'm tired. i don't want to hurt anymore.

i still want to be here with you. i will always, always want to be here with you.

if nothing matters, then all the pain and guilt you feel for making nothing of your life goes away.

we're all small and stupid.

i wasn't looking for you so i could kill you.

so what? you're just gonna ignore everything else?

i will cherish these few specks of time.

i've been on this earth just as many days as you.

i know better than to ask to help you.

so we'll talk later... like this afternoon?

you look really pretty right now.

you took everything away from me.

we're all useless alone.

i don't know what i'd do without you.

i only made enough food for three people. i'll have to cook more.

i always learn something when i hang out with the elderly. old people are very wise.

everything i do, i try to make things simpler, easier.

maybe you can audition, too.

i don't know how to be any fucking clearer.

i didn't mean that. it was a joke.

the only thing i do know... is that we have to be kind.

i know you see yourself as a fighter.

that's not a very funny joke.

actors are very poor.

it's nice to feel needed.

i was thinking, maybe after this is all done, we can go on a trip.

if i have to think about one more thing today, my head will explode.

you may be in grave danger. there is no time to explain. hold this.

can't you see how wonderful it'll be? we can make our own way.

i'm here because we need your help.

sorry, very busy today. no time to help you.

i have spent years searching for the one who might be able to match this great evil with an even greater good and bring back balance.

i know it's a lot to take in right now.

i can see where this story's going, and it doesn't look good.

you're always trying to confuse us with these words.

i know you. with every passing moment, you fear that you might have missed your chance to make something of your life.

don't let anything distract you from it.

our time here is up. they are going to kill us.

i may be old, but i still know how to negotiate.

[arteriovenous]

&. 𝐯𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  a  mix  of  angst,  fluff,  and  plot  focused  dialogue  prompts  in  the  form  of  questions.  feel  free  to  change  how  you  seem  fit.  )

❛ what are you listening to? ❜

❛ can’t sleep? ❜

❛ how did you get this scar? ❜

❛ are you sure this is a good idea? ❜

❛ do you mind if i sleep here tonight? ❜

❛ what are you doing out here by yourself? ❜

❛ are you wearing my shirt? ❜

❛ don’t you know what you mean to me? ❜

❛ will i see you again? ❜

❛ are you comfortable? ❜

❛ are you trying to get us in trouble? ❜

❛ do you enjoy playing with people’s hearts? ❜

❛ don’t we deserve to be happy? ❜

❛ why can’t i come with you? ❜

❛ are you here to kill me? ❜

❛ you think i’m jealous? ❜

❛ do you want to share this? ❜

❛ is that blood? is it yours? ❜

❛ how do you know my name? ❜

❛ you’re an asshole, you know that? ❜

❛ like what you see? ❜

❛ was that your first kiss? ❜

❛ are you happy here with me? ❜

❛ sorry, did you want to be alone? ❜

❛ do you want my jacket? ❜

❛ how are you still alive? ❜

❛ you’re beautiful, you know that? ❜

❛ what are you so afraid of? ❜

❛ today isn’t your day, is it? ❜

❛ how does it feel to be in love? ❜

❛ you’ve been crying, what’s wrong? ❜

❛ do you remember when we first met? ❜

❛ isn’t this amazing? ❜

❛ did you miss me? ❜

❛ alright, who am i beating up? ❜

❛ that was a close call, wasn’t it? ❜

❛ am i worth so little to you? ❜

❛ how is it you’re never scared? ❜

❛ do you ever think about the future? ❜

❛ can you look at me? please? ❜

❛ you got me flowers? ❜

❛ well, how do i look? ❜

❛ what aren’t you telling me? ❜

❛ how about a kiss before i go? ❜

❛ you don’t know who i am, do you? ❜

❛ may i have this dance? ❜

❛ who’s going to stop us, huh? ❜

❛ wait, you’re leaving already? ❜

❛ it’s my fault, isn’t it? ❜

❛ have you ever lost someone? ❜

❛ do you think i’m a good person? ❜

❛ what are you thinking about? ❜

❛ is it really you? ❜

❛ what if i hurt you? ❜

❛ if you won’t take care of yourself, then who will? ❜

❛ have you come to laugh at me? ❜

❛ will you still look at me like you do now? ❜

[arteriovenous]

EP 116 promo sketch by Noriko Morishima

[arteriovenous]

yes maybe part of why i think a lot about dabi and himiko is because i personally like dabi but whatever i think himiko loves him too that's one of her guys!! her weird little family!! they even got recruited at the same time, he matters to her. i think part of why she swaps to calling him touya in the final war arc is because it's an attempt to prove that she sees him, not simply because he revealed that used to be his name. they aren't the same people they used to be, after all, but dabi was desperate to be seen for who he was and what he was capable of the same way she was desperate to feel connected to people and accepted by the ones she loved ( and even if he didn't tell her that, even if that wasn't the truth of the matter in the end and this is a motivation that himiko invented for dabi because she didn't know how else to put the pieces together, that's how she interpreted it )

she had always felt accepted by the league and dabi giving her jin's blood was another level of acceptance, a gesture she interpreted as easy approval of the way she loves and her desire to be those she loves so of course she calls him touya after that. because he's her friend and she loves him and she thinks he wanted to be seen, so she sees him. he gave her the most precious gift anyone ever had when he offered her jin's blood, when she read into the gesture that he approved of the way she loved because she has to believe he wouldn't have given her the blood otherwise, and he burned her old house down as if that could burn away her bad memories too. she always loved him because she loved all the league but it got more focused after they'd lost so many people and dabi was being nice to her, in his own way. she loved him and she saw him and he was one of the best, in her eyes, and that's why he's touya to her in that final arc

[arteriovenous]

anyway some vague half remembered thought from the last time i was focused enough to be here

himiko loves the league. they are closest thing she has to a true family and she adores them all in different ways, even if she was closest to twice and considered him her best friend. even if they might not fully understand every part of her, even if they tease or poke at her, they accept her. that's all she's ever wanted

while this does logically lead to the fact she is desperate for their blood, the way she is with everyone she loves, its easier for her to ignore that when it comes to them. they accept her, after all, and that's reason enough for her to ignore the aching emptiness in her chest and the hunger whenever they bleed. she'd accept if they offered, without a moment of hesitation, but she'd rather bite her tongue (quite literally) whenever the urge arises instead of doing something to drive them away. she knows that repressing those urges will make her more uncomfortable in the long run, that they only get worse, but she can bear the pain if it means she doesn't upset the people she loves. they accept her more than anyone else ever has, but she doesn't want to push too far and find out that acceptance exists only in an abstract (and she doesn't think that's true, really, but she can't take that chance)

twice is the only one that she wouldn't have accepted blood from when he was alive, despite the fact they were the closest. he couldn't bear the idea of splitting. he couldn't make a copy of himself. she didn't know if seeing someone else that looked like him would have the same catastrophic effect and she didn't know if she could accept blood from him and then refuse to use it either. that would be far worse than never tasting it at all

himiko's quirk, in addition to the sheer amount of time she spent fighting against it, does cause her a great deal of discomfort when ignored for too long. its a hollow feeling, an ache in her jaw, this constant gnawing hunger that no food can ease. while the desire and need for connection was always there, the desperation for it and compulsion to take more than she actually needs to ease her quirk's demands is almost entirely due to having to spend so much of her life hiding herself. she can't moderate because she's never had a chance to before, its always been all or nothing

her fangs are part of her blood quirk, allowing her easier access to the blood she craves, but her feline eyes and agility are a vestigial quirk from an ancestor — similar to tokoyami's avian features, if notably more subtle. this does mean her eyes react to light differently and she does get the big wide eyed cat pupils sometimes. i need you to understand how cute this is to me

no one is entirely sure where himiko's blood quirk comes from. there were duplication quirks in her family history and, on her father's side, a history of quite severe feline heteromorphic quirks. the judgement those members of the family with more dramatic presentations faced feeds into her parents desire for her to be normal, unwilling to accept their daughter is anything less than the child they envisioned when her father considers his lack of dramatic heteromorphic expression a blessing and his daughter having a quirk he considers evil and perverse a curse. the blood ingestion appears to be a mutation of the more socially accepted duplication quirks in her family history, as none of them did anything as drastic as copying a whole person. the lack of disgust with the idea of drinking blood is just another aspect of her quirk, removing the natural barrier most humans have that would render her incapable of transforming

[arteriovenous]

indie & private blog for toga himiko of boku no hero academia, as transformed by charlie ( 27 + they/them )

currently heavily under construction!

rules. / about.