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The Vast

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I would also like to add:

• A furniture store that is an infinite maze (like ikea)

• A clothing store where you can’t escape the clothes you try on (slowly compresses you)

• a tech store that sucks you into an infinite camera world

• a Chuck E. Cheese that is completely ordinary

• a book store that burns out your eyes if you read anything

my headcanons for shops in the hilltop centre:

touristy gift shop but there's a figure in all the postcards, getting closer and closer to the camera in each one

evil evil food court that serves you People Meat

indoor crazy golf place that's infinite and colourful and loud. if you put your hand in one of the holes to get your ball back, it bites you

a regular claire's

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Guys what if Colin’s voice shows up in the computer

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Zombie 5k happening.

Everyone is dressed like zombies and other monsters.

AND A ‘67 IMPALA ROLLS BY

PLAYING CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON

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This came to me in a vision. a stupid vision, but a vision nonetheless

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my favorite somewhat underrated jarchivist moments

“a COMPLAINT? i could just as easily COMPLAIN about her WASTING MY TIME”

“before i address the central point of this statement, namely the question of…. whether the sky can eat people .”

melanie: “i should have known this was a COMPLETE waste of my time” jon: “probably 🙄”

“you don’t seem like you’re in your fifties?? or- or burnt to a crisp”

“you’re serious? you’re going on a date with… the dullard of skull mountain just so you have an excuse to eat a shopska salad?”

“another startling insight from the piercing investigative mind of georgie barker”

“WHAT is my metaphorical pit???”

melanie: “i mean it’s not like you have any reason to kill me” jon: noncommittal sound

martin: “melanie seems okay but i get the feeling she’s planning something?” jon: “i- i got that feeling. Too.”

“so. kidnapped. Again.”

“like colors, but if colors hated me. got it. christ i need a cigarette.”

“MARTIN. STOP trying to TOUCH the PLASTIC EXPLOSIVE. just PUT YOUR HANDS in YOUR POCKETS or SOMETHING-”

basira: “so would you say this was supposed to be churchill or alfred hitchcock?” jon: “jowls like that, could be either”

“coma! great! let’s rearrange his office! sleeping people don’t need. pens!”

“police brutality lawsuit? :)”

[picture of edwardian offense] “I what?”

daisy: “it’s a joke, jon.” jon: “oh! hAha! yes.”

“i mean you’re not suggesting that santa works for the people’s church..”

long-suffering sigh “fuck.”

“i’m starting to feel a little. Self Conscious being a post apocalyptic google !”

martin: “did it stir any feeling in you?” jon: “Yes! Nausea! Because of the Horrible Things In It!”

“Yes the Colossal Web stretching down into an Endless Pit is a Significant improvement😑”

“‘free will’ she says, as we stand in the middle of her FUCKING WEB”

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I find irrational fears hilarious

Not like fears of clowns or dolls or things that are scary, but won’t hurt you.

But like SUPER specific fears.

Like my friend’s fear that the titanic only sunk because Leonardo di Caprio went back in time and sunk it himself just to star in the titanic movie, and that he is some all powerful time traveler that is also a serial killer? Apparently “he has too much power.” And “our fate is in his hands”

Idk what’s going on.

Now I’m starting to think he also invented the stock market.

(I’m also kinda scared now to)

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Trevor Herbert.

A hunter

A murderer

A vamp killer

But most of all!

A POLITICIAN

(he slays the competition, hunter style)

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New job requires me to look at security cameras for hours…

All I can think is that im becoming an avatar of the eye.

I accidentally said “I am the ceaseless watcher” out loud

It’s bad. Send help

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You know how in season 7 episode 12 “Time after time” as Kronos is dying he says “do you want to know your future” and right before he dies he looks a dean and says “it’s covered in thick black goo”

We thought he meant the leviathan.

But I just remembered how Cas died.

Thick black goo.

Was this foreshadowing?

His future. Not Sam’s future. Dean’s.

Just saying.

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‼️ Spoiler warning ‼️

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Reading through the transcript of the Magnus Protocol episode 26, and at the end when Helen laughs do you know what it says??

THE DISTORTION LAUGHS

Bonus- MAG 26 title is A Distortion

A coincidence? I think not

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Going crazy?

Nah I’m just in my spiral era

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“If you smoke you could get lung cancer”

NO

“If you smoke you may accidentally cause an elderly man to be brutally pipe murdered by your ancient Eldridge boss then proceed to be framed for the murder”

Smoking kills.

The Magnus Archives is a horror podcast WRONG

The Magnus Archives is a RomCom WRONG

It's the world most elaborately made and longest anti smoking ad lmao

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Did anyone realize that Matthew Gray Gubler (aka the one and only Spencer Reid) is the voice of Simon from Alvin and the chipmunks???

Simon is singing in this high pitched voice and all I can hear is “this is calm and it’s doctor”

Am I just going crazy??

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My favorite hobby?

I like to stare intently at the sliced up corpses of trees for hours, while vividly hallucinating

Reading is weird

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He is always watching…. Always watching

Elias should wear this to sleep

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Something I said to a friend about the archive staff that I want to share with tumblr

“All the staff can be put into several categories

Liar

Criminal

Goofy

Eldritch Being™️

And Jon can fit into literally all of them”

Honourable mention is this screenshot

Image ID: a screenshot of a chat with a dark background, there are five messages on the screen which (in order) read:

TIM ALIVE!

Tim not alive?

#nottim?

Worm Tim

Tim on a string