arcticturtlex

[arcticturtlex]

Watches everyone have a fun and happy Halloween weekend

Meanwhile I was sobbing in the middle of the street cause of my continues money problem and the small inconvenience of an atm not working again starting said sobbing QuQ

I'm very tired QuQ

[arcticturtlex]

Hori over here really making me cry tonight

[arcticturtlex]

Haven't been on tiktok a while now my fyp is all wonky, bleh

It's got nothing that I liked before just a bunch of weird shit I guess people find entertaining

[arcticturtlex]

Me actually trying to use Facebook cause everyone I'm chill with irl asks me if I have one lol

I can't change my name to Penguin tho, I just don't really like using my real name cause then people I actually know try to follow and I'm like

✨️No✨️

LOL I just don't really want people I actually know like my fam and old friends to know how I am online

I can change my name to Silver apparently, I'll take that uvu

[arcticturtlex]

It's been 12 days since I had to say goodbye to my cuddle buddy, Leo. To be honest, it's been hard to sleep since the 4th. Whenever I would go to sleep or even to just lay on my bed, my cat Leo would always join me. He would always be at my side and not having him next to me as I sleep and wake up, even though out the day, makes it really hard to want to sleep. I use to burst into tears just walking into my room cause Leo wouldn’t be on my bed sleeping. I mistake my other black cat for Leo and I get hopeful for a slit second but end up crying more. I'm usually in tears in bed trying to sleep and then just tossing and turning until early morning, stuck in that part of sleeping but not really. I'm aware I'm not technically not sleeping. I had to start taking melatonin and other stuff just to have decent sleep for work. It just feels like I lost a part of my heart. I know Leo is a cat and some people may think I’m overreacting over the death of a cat but hes a cat I had since he was born, 10+ years, through my high school years, I took care of him when he was the smallest of his liter and helped him walk when his lil legs weren’t developing correctly, he was always so affectionate with me and vocal when I would stay up too late. Its just hard to have someone for 10 years and suddenly have to say goodbye. I feel like I didn’t give my baby a fighting chance but at the same time would I have just made his life harder to live just for a lil more time? It would of just been harder to say goodbye especially after seeing him so limp just trying to take him to the vet, I don’t think I could handle seeing him getting worse and worse over the time and nothing like the eager baby I know he was. Cancer really does torment the loved ones in my life. My first dog Goofy died from cancer/ a tumor, my aunt developed lymphoma cancer and got it back again after being cleared of it, my mother developed breast cancer but thankfully they're both okay now, my uncle is currently having his own cancer scare, and Leo died of blood cancer. I was bad when my dog died but I'm worse now. Leo was solely mine, unlike Goofy, he was the family dog but Leo was mine and only mine, he was literally my child and I had to say goodbye so much sooner then I expected. I keep having flashbacks to a certain part of that day and it absolutely breaks my heart every time it keeps showing up in my head and I start crying again even though I been getting better about trying to not cry so much. I guess I got a lil traumatized by this?  

I miss my baby.

I been saying that a lot and as much as it hurts me to not have my baby with me anymore, I know hes in a better place. A place he can have all the room to run and play, eat all the treats he wants, a place he can be warm. I wouldn’t have wanted him to feel like garbage his last days just for his possible treatment to not work. I’ll see my baby again, in the meantime he can play with all my other fur babies that have passed on as well. I hope they’re all playing nice. I’ll feel better eventually, its only been 2 weeks soon, I’m allowed to still be upset. I’m tired, and going through my days slowly, I don’t feel as bright as I use to be but I’ll get there again I just need time and my lil times to myself to cry for my baby a bit more. 

I won’t lie, seeing all the great press Sonic 2 is getting really makes my heart warm and helps me feel better. My childhood self is so happy to see so much Sonic excitement now haha. 

I miss my baby. 

Sleep well baby, stay warm. 

4/4/2022

[arcticturtlex]

Everyone's like Meeeh don't worry about it, stop being so afraid of asking for help

But then the few times I actually do ask for help everyone gets annoyed or mad with me

And you wonder why I don't wanna bother anyone..

[arcticturtlex]

So your telling me Ultra Impact

The game I learned Japanese for and spent hours building my bois in

Is coming to the states...

[arcticturtlex]

now that i’m older and understand how absolutely fucked the housing market is, all those horror movies that take place in nice houses where the family refuses to leave make sense. if i had a 4,000sqft vintage home you’d need to kill me before i ever moved out as well. fuck the ghost. charge it rent.

[arcticturtlex]

I'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressingI'mstressing

[arcticturtlex]

The absolute stree I feel in my shoulders rn HURTS

I'm so stressed rn, and me having not eaten today hurts my head even more I legit wanna cry

I hate getting this much dumped on me so soon, no warning and not enough time to plan

[arcticturtlex]

Welp, today was embarrassing

I started blanking out real bad, so bad I stood in place with a box in my hand so long that someone had to come up and ask if I was alright and then not too long after I got a nose bleed and I was all the way in the back of the building so I had to make the long walk to the bathroom and in the process scare a couple people cause they thought I got hit with a box or something but really it was just a dry nose lol

[arcticturtlex]

The absolute urge to walk around pantsless in my house but can't cause its basically full house here

[arcticturtlex]

I really do love when it snows 🌨 💙

It's just so peaceful and pretty to me

[arcticturtlex]

When mami asks me if I been sleeping well cause she can see bags under my eyes

...

When in actuality it's my smudged mascara from

Uhhh doing stuff with someone

[arcticturtlex]

I got so much to do! I gotta send out gifts

I GOTTA KEEP SHOPPONG FOR GIFTS

I'm so bad at leaving things for last minute!

[arcticturtlex]

I was having so much fun with my voice sounding like I was going through puberty as a boy a couple days ago but now I can't talk for shit LOL

I love the cold but boy does it like to steal my voice every year, I wanna sing Christmas songs 😭

[arcticturtlex]

I don't have time to be sad

I have things to do