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[archivistgrian]

why do you love them?

one: you don’t.

you don’t love them. you don’t love their eyes when they go quietly shy underneath a smile too bright for this room. you don’t love promising little things that would not matter to a single other soul. and certainly, you loathe eating with them, because they always lean against—

two: someone has to

because they look so alone when they try to curl up around themself and so cold without blankets tucked up to their chin. god knows they won’t take care of themself; someone has to love them and replace what they give to everyone but themself. remind them that goddammit, they’re beautiful. an angel, even if they can’t act the part, what is the part anyway? perfection? someone has to remind them they’re perfect. someone has to remind them that the world may be unforgiving, but not everyone has to be. and, perhaps you’re not a forgiving person, but you forgive them. they look alone. of course someone has to love them. nobody else has done it right before.

three: they’re stupid.

they’re stupid, they’re so stupid. could trip over their own feet and fall to the ground clunky with their equally stupid laughter. you can’t count the stupid avoidable injuries and yet—they just keep on laughing, and you can’t stop smiling. they make you want to wrap them in seventeen blankets and keep them in a box until they stop being so stupid. but they keep going. they want to see something beautiful in a world that has no beauty to you. and maybe it’s because they make you feel stupid (naive, unblemished, safe, free) that you can’t help but want to see beauty in them.

four: of course you do.

of course you do. how could you not love someone like this. they’re naive because they want to love things. they’re innocent because they still know how to smile. it makes you want to tear yourself apart at the seams because you have to remind yourself not to. how they could share himself so freely with you, even if it is only you, astounds you. rolls over in the night simply to kiss you; you swear they must hold onto you tighter for warmth though they don’t need it. you want to protect them from things that have already happened to them, but you can’t. you want to be the only broken thing between the two of you, but that’s not true. you love perfection and the innocence of running into somebody’s arms. of course you love them.

five: you let them too close

if if somebody has to break them, it has to be you. you wouldn’t dare to, that’s the reason. you wouldn’t trust another soul to love them like you do. nobody else would die for them. metaphorically speaking, but if— you are sure you would offer your life for them. it was theirs anyway; they saved it from your clawed hands. nobody else has come this close to you. eased aches from your neck and shoulders. kept you safe. told you they love you, they love you, they love you. it used to be an insult to some and a weakness to others but you want, terribly, to be in love again. if someone has to break you, it would have to be them. you are already broken. it is still, always, them.

✧ on love and devotion and perfection . may 4 2024

[archivistgrian]

missing someone you can’t remember.

a short desertduo fic, in which scar misses grian. set in limited life, sessions two onward.

word count: 248

inspiration for this was taken from ficheal’s tweet :).

fic under the cut!

it's been around a day since limited life started, and scar can already /feel/ how far he and his desert buddy have drifted apart. 

.. void, why did it hurt so much to see him all dressed up with his stupid bad boy attire with his stupid bad boy friends? ( scar would later apologise in his head for calling joel and timmy stupid, but his point still stands. )

it's almost as if grian wanted nothing to do with him, even if the avian would shoot smiles at him- oh, nevermind. tnt just flew off bread bridge and into his base. that's why.

as he respawns, scar groans, wondering how in the world he fell for such an easy trick.

( in his mind, he already knows; it's always because of the specific person setting the trap. it'll always be because it's grian. the hermit lives in his mind, he might as well be an extension of scar already. )

however, every time scar sees grian in that / stupid / leather jacket, he can't help but think— would grian have done that for / him /? if the situation was different, would it have been the two of them, controlling the server in matching outfits?

most players would have changed to a different outfit by the time they became red, scar being one of them, but for / grian / to have done that? and without even being a red name? 

well. scar can't help but wince at the slight tug at his heart at the feeling.

[archivistgrian]

My heart went "Oh...it's you. It's going to be you" Because it wasn't love at first sight. It was familiarity. You've always felt like I've known you even before I met you.

And even until now I still feel the same way. "Oh...it's you. It has always been you"

[archivistgrian]

The Child You Never Wanted

you tell me to brush my own hair I don’t know how you roll your eyes and tell me to figure it out

I’m brushing as hard as I can Tearing pieces of my hair out with knots, clumped up and bloody

I’m crying and go to tell you there’s blood mommy I’m not sure if what I’m doing is right

But you scream at me for bothering you Can’t you do anything by yourself? Why did I even have you?

I run and hug her, tell her I’m sorry I cried I love you mommy, I won’t ask again

I squeeze harder, if the hug is big enough it shows how much you love them

She doesn’t hug me back.

[archivistgrian]

it is March by Victoria Chang

[archivistgrian]

HELLO??? /POS

[archivistgrian]

maybe it was all a dream..?

a flowerhusbands drabble, originally written for a friend.

word count : 365.

fic under the cut!

scott was dead.

he was dead, he knew that for a fact, but why was his husband’s face smiling down at him? 

through his respawn haze, scott could barely make out an excited voice, speaking much too fast for the king to understand. ( as if he could make out anything the person in front of him wearing his husband’s face was saying at all. )

it couldn’t be him, could it? it had to be the watchers again, playing tricks on him. there was no way he’d be given the privilege to see jimmy again, never in a million years. ( exor could strike him down himself if it happened, but he’d never say that, duh. ) 

the voice was growing clearer, and scott could make out the figure’s words, and for some odd reason his name was amongst the babbling that they were doing, confusing scott even more. 

then came the question.

would he allow himself to be swayed by the voice, or would he stay resilient, and continue to pretend the goosebumps on his skin weren’t there, and ignore the fact that his husband could possibly be in front of him?

well. if anything, scott had always been one to ignore what was good for him ( common examples— xornoth, the life series in general.. the list goes on, honestly. )

so he shakes his head, clearing the ringing from his ears entirely, and scott is greeted with the lovely, melodious voice of jimmy. though he sounds worried- why does he sound worried? 

“scott, oh my gosh- why are you here so soon? i’m sorry for leaving you, i-” are the words that come tumbling out of his beloved husband’s mouth as soon as scott shows signs of comprehension, and scott breaks jimmy’s rambling by grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him into a tight hug, hot tears falling out of his eyes. 

( when had he started crying? that was weird. scott never cried, not even when the corruption— )

no. he couldn’t think about the corruption now, not when he had bigger matters to worry about. with his husband in his arms, scott sobbed, and jimmy stayed quiet, arms wrapped around cold skin. 

it almost felt real. 

[archivistgrian]

missing someone you can’t remember.

a short desertduo fic, in which scar misses grian. set in limited life, sessions two onward.

word count: 248

inspiration for this was taken from ficheal’s tweet :).

fic under the cut!

it's been around a day since limited life started, and scar can already /feel/ how far he and his desert buddy have drifted apart. 

.. void, why did it hurt so much to see him all dressed up with his stupid bad boy attire with his stupid bad boy friends? ( scar would later apologise in his head for calling joel and timmy stupid, but his point still stands. )

it's almost as if grian wanted nothing to do with him, even if the avian would shoot smiles at him- oh, nevermind. tnt just flew off bread bridge and into his base. that's why.

as he respawns, scar groans, wondering how in the world he fell for such an easy trick.

( in his mind, he already knows; it's always because of the specific person setting the trap. it'll always be because it's grian. the hermit lives in his mind, he might as well be an extension of scar already. )

however, every time scar sees grian in that / stupid / leather jacket, he can't help but think— would grian have done that for / him /? if the situation was different, would it have been the two of them, controlling the server in matching outfits?

most players would have changed to a different outfit by the time they became red, scar being one of them, but for / grian / to have done that? and without even being a red name? 

well. scar can't help but wince at the slight tug at his heart at the feeling.

[archivistgrian]

i love shakespeare. ( lie )

what do you mean dialogue in romeo and juliet can differ from “Saw you him today?” and “Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs, being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers’ eyes, being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers’ tears.”

matryx try not to go insane in your literature class challenge: failed

[archivistgrian]

THE ARCHIVE OF GRIAN LUNARIS.

temp. pinned.

writing account, used for random drabbles, small fics, may contain elements of dead dove &&. nsfw themes.

likes &&. follows from @/bladesofelysium.