apublicmind

[apublicmind]

my curse is that i will forever poison new beginnings

with our ending.

[apublicmind]

i will kiss the tears off your skin

in hopes that it would let me soak up some of your pain

and hold every piece together in my arms

until they have mended back into one another

[apublicmind]

litter my flesh in unspoken poetry

and i will write every verse into a song

paint me in platinum

an immortal reminder

like i am a daughter of the sun

[apublicmind]

eventually a day will come, maybe in this lifetime, maybe in a couple, maybe not for a long time

but someday

i will not remember the name of the face that haunts me every time i close my eyes

i will weep at the reminder of the cracks in my walls, even if i do not remember how they got there

i will dream of the glittering lights that robbed me of my breath as you twirled and spun me down hallways

i will see those same hands and they will still make me feel safer than anything else this world could offer

i will wake at 2 am with a craving for cookies and no clue why, i’ll call it a sweet tooth, but it’ll be you

the ghost of you that tracks through my mind

the ghost that, eventually, will just be another part of this big maze of a house i’ve built inside

and maybe if i’m lucky

someday you will find me out there again

you will have a new name

and a new face

and i won’t event be able to remember the one that still haunts me from so long ago

but i will recognize you immediately

and every single memory

every little sign left over to help me remember the ghost of you

will finally have a home again

[apublicmind]

sometimes i wonder if you write about me too

or if it’s only my heart covered in paper cuts

[apublicmind]

god himself would weep if he heard you cry

his heart would break to the chorus

and his hands would tremble under the weight of words unheld

god himself would weep

[apublicmind]

i can no longer read the words on these pages

pages that have been wrinkled and stained by tears i could not stop if i wanted too

i can no longer read these words that break my heart

but nevertheless, the feeling remains

[apublicmind]

my eyes turned you into a painting and under your touch i became poetry

this is the alchemy of us

[apublicmind]

your shackles have forfeited the throne they built out of my flesh where healing has since taken their place

i have lost my taste for the cold of your chains.

[apublicmind]

i try to let myself embrace new things

but every beat of my heart screams your name

i fall asleep beside a man who says and does all the things you could not manage

all of the things that should drown you out

and yet it is still your warmth that i ache so heedlessly for

i feel new things

and i experience new people

but none of it feels quite like home

the way you do

[apublicmind]

if you must choose not to be here

not to love me

or be loved by me

the least you could do

is erase the reminders you’ve left up of when we did.

[apublicmind]

thank you for the wake up call you dressed in romance

[apublicmind]

how could you find your eyes so ugly

when I found heaven inside them

and see them every time I close my own

[apublicmind]

In this ocean of heartbreak and sadness so deep, there are pools of anger

You live at the bottom of every one.

[apublicmind]

and no matter what, i’ll still be here

because for all i know

there could still be ‘someday’

[apublicmind]

and if in the end none of it was real, that’s okay, to have been able to dream it was blessing enough

[apublicmind]

wherever she’s wanders

his ghost always follows