antiherocomplex

[antiherocomplex]

Hi it seems like you made a post but forgot to make it about me?

[antiherocomplex]

[antiherocomplex]

Tiny gnomes who keep rodents called ratweilers and dobermice as guard dogs.

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[antiherocomplex]

Tiny gnomes who keep rodents called ratweilers and dobermice as guard dogs.

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[antiherocomplex]

hey kinda messed up that 1st degree burn is the mildest burn but 1st degree murder is the worst murder. they should have collaborated more on that one.

[antiherocomplex]

violence and death and dying and blood and guts and gore and violence and viscera and fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

[antiherocomplex]

Hey babe can we try petplay? *starts scratching and hammering on the door* LET ME OUTTTTTTTT LET ME OUT OF HERE PLEASE GOD LET ME OUT

[antiherocomplex]

tip: The Transsexual Apartment is a safe zone where you can walk around PANTSLESS. While in the Transsexual Apartment, you regain FORTITUDE and ESTEEM

[antiherocomplex]

new indeed job just dropped

[antiherocomplex]

you cannot save me!! i am unsaveable!!! i have never been saved!!!!!!!!

[antiherocomplex]

[antiherocomplex]

password authentication is getting out of hand

living in paris means u walk into a clothing store and there is a fucking thing. Name of GuGu.

[antiherocomplex]

I really hate how much I have to prioritise able bodied egos just to stay safe as a powerchair user.

Like, I get a lot of uncomfortable pitying interactions because I use a wheelchair and the number of strangers who think it’s okay to touch me or who come out with really odd things is way higher than people think.

Today a random stranger insisted on giving me (and only me) a fist bump. Presumably he thought the poor disabled person needed cheering up, maybe he just wanted to look like a good person. Did I want to touch a random stranger? No. But I did because it felt like the safest and quickest way out of an uncomfortable situation.

Yes, theoretically I could have blanked him, or told him not to touch me. And maybe some people would, but to me it just feels really unsafe. I know that most of the time it would be fine, but I also know from experience how quickly a situation can change if I appear ungrateful (seemingly the ultimate sin for a disabled person)

And if someone starts yelling at me and/or following me (it’s happened) I cannot get away quickly. My chair just isn’t built for either speed or agility. Most advice I’ve seen tells you to enter a shop if this happens in public but I can’t physically enter like 90% of the shops near me.

And on the off chance it gets physical and I need to defend myself, I’m fucked unless someone else intervenes. Yeah, the chance of this happening is really low, but it’s not zero (especially if alcohol is involved) and the consequences of getting hurt could be really severe. I once had someone try and punch me because he kept walking into my chair in a space so crowded I physically couldn’t get out the way. The only reason I didn’t get badly hurt was because other people saw him going for me and physically dragged him away. That’s not always going to happen, and sadly people won’t always be on my side.

I also live in a small town while being incredibly memorable and terrible with faces. Chances are if I bumped into that person again they’d remember me instantly as the ungrateful angry cripple, and I wouldn’t have a clue who they were until too late. If people are watching I could also very quickly get a reputation for being ungrateful, rude or angry, which is a reputation that that could make my life tangibly harder and even attract more violence.

And sure, it’s just a fist bump, or a blessing, or someone admiring my chair with their hands. They probably mean well. But it adds up and makes it so obvious that when people look at me they see my wheelchair and don’t bother to look any further. They see that I’m in a chair and that’s all they feel they need to know to make a judgment about what my life looks like, and who I am. They treat me in a way that makes them feel like a good person, without ever questioning their assumptions about what I might want in a situation.

And if I challenge them, and ruin their good person feelings, then I must be uniquely awful. Don’t I know they were just trying to help? Don’t I know their taxes pay my benefits? Don’t I know that their feelings matter so much more than my dignity and personal space?

For me it’s not worth the risk over something relatively small with a stranger. But all those small things add up into something huge. Something like this happens at least once a week, more depending on how often I leave the house so it’s always in the back of my mind when I’m around people I don’t know.

And I’m just tired of it.

[antiherocomplex]

this is so beautiful im actually crying!!!!!

[antiherocomplex]

I knew I was getting close to Textile City. I could see their monument, a colossal weaving device, looming in the distance.

[antiherocomplex]

really afraid to post anything because what if the spanish doppelganger of me appears and starts speaking a little espanol tonight