anonkp

[anonkp]

Go fix this Sam! Although I am enjoying the angst…

A/N: Thanks so much for your lovely response to this story. Buckle up, cause the angst isn’t over yet.

***

Just Know My Heart is Breaking Too, Part 2

Deeks makes it a block away before he starts crying in earnest. He has enough sense to pull over before he breaks down completely. There, alone in his truck where no one can see, he allows himself to mourn. He can still feel Kensi’s lips on his, smell the hint of shampoo leftover from this morning. He’s so tempted to go back, to beg Kensi to forgive him, and promise anything to get her to take him back.

It would be so easy. To go back. They’d work together and get married, just like they planned.

Except he can’t see a future where the strain of their differing needs don’t end in bitterness and hurt feelings on one of their parts. The thought of growing apart from Kensi, of either of them losing their love for one another seems far worse than leaving now. Because he truly doesn’t want to make her leave NCIS when she’s not ready, and he also wants a future with kids and some level of peace.

Kensi’s accident in Iraq had rocked him to his core and he’s never fully recovered from it. The thought of going through something like what happened in Afghanistan or the plane crash, nearly losing Kensi again, terrifies his and the idea that she might not ever be ready to move on makes him incredibly sad.

So, two weeks ago, he’d acted on those feelings. A couple calls to the lawyer he used for personal business straightened out all the financial details and he’d found a cheap apartment that would hold him over until he figured out something more permanent. He’d packed a small bag to take over there for tonight and planned to move the rest of his belongings over in the next week.

He feels like a fraud. And a coward.

Because an upstanding guy wouldn’t abandon his fiancé without warning. He’d try to find a way to resolve their issues.

Deeks straightens up, exhaling several times to gain enough composure to start driving again. If he just focuses on the next step, and doesn’t think about everything he’s leaving behind, he can do this.

Pulling back onto the main road, no amount of lists or pragmatism can erase the image of Kensi’s heartbroken face from his mind.

***

The Next Morning

“I have missed this,” Callen announces, strolling into the bullpen next to Sam. “These desks, the slightly not quite hot coffee, Eric’s weird greetings.”

“What about a certain someone?” Sam prompts, knowing G’s likely response, and fights back a smile.

He’s pretty happy for things to be back to normal. With the help of sub agents from other teams and sister agencies, he and Kensi kept the team running, but it’ll be good to have the whole team together again.

“Oh, you mean Deeks? Yeah, I do miss those blue eyes, and of course his smile.” Callen grins as he drops his bag onto his desk.

“You’re hilarious.” Gesturing between them, Sam starts getting his own work space settled. “Next time you need a ride, you can call your bestie, Deeks.”

“Aw, it’s cute when you’re jealous.” Snickering to himself, Callen pulls out his laptop. He glances around the bullpen. “Speaking of, where are Kensi and Deeks? I thought they’d be in early for my grand return.”

“It’s Deeks’ first day back too,” Sam reminds him.

They continue chatting, getting back into the flow of things. It feels good and normal after a lot of uncertainty.

About ten minutes later, he sees Nell jogging down the stairs towards them, her expression worried. That can’t mean anything good.

“Morning, Nell. Let me guess, we got a new case,” he says as she reaches them.

“No, I,” she pauses, and there’s a hint of confusion and open distress in here eyes. “I just got a letter of resignation from Deeks,” she finally says.

“What?” Callen asks. He glances between her and Sam. “Is this some kind of joke?”

Nell shakes her head, pulling out an envelope tucked underneath the tablet in her other hand. “It’s signed and dated for a week from today.”

“Did he say why?” Sam can’t imagine a scenario where Deeks wouldn’t give them more than a week of notice. He’s too responsible and concerned about the safety of the team for that.

“I can’t tell you the exact details, but no.”

“Did Kensi say anything?”

Nell shakes her head again, tightly gripping the letter and tablet. As if they’ll protect her against this latest surprise.

Kensi didn’t know. At least not before today. If she had known Deeks planned to resign, they would have been able to tell, Sam thinks. She doesn’t have a poker face when it comes to Deeks, epsecially when it comes to the topic of work. No, there’s something very wrong here.

“I can’t believe it,” Nell murmurs. She sounds close to tears, and Sam’s thinks of how close they’d been to losing Deeks this summer.

“It’s going to be ok, Nell. Deeks isn’t going anywhere if have something to say about it.”

[anonkp]

Excellent angst

Would you consider starting a multi-chapter au for densi post s9 where they don’t make up, deeks leaves ncis, and they rekindle a few years later? I love second chance romance trope and the angst😊

A/N: Hi anon! I believe I’ve written one other story where Kensi and Deeks are briefly broken up. I do find it difficult to think of Densi being split up for any significant amount of time. As requested, this is angsty.

***

Just Know My Heart is Breaking

“Deeks, I’m back. I hope you didn’t make anything, cause I brought takeout,” Kensi calls out as she hangs her bag up by the door and kicks her shoes to the side. When he doesn’t answer back, she shouts his name again. “Deeks!”

His truck was in the driveway, but he’d also mentioned walking down to the beach so she isn’t surprised if Deeks is still out there. Since Mexico, he’s been spending a lot of time at the beach and to himself.

Kensi doesn’t judge him for it. Once she was able to get around on her own post coma, she’d relished in the freedom and frequently chose solo activities. It doesn’t make her miss him any less when he’s not around. Especially since she doesn’t get to see him at work. She’ll be glad when he passes his final physical and psych evals.

Then they’ll finally be back to normal. Well, as normal as they ever get.

She stops in the kitchen to drop off the Chinese food, then continues on her search, eventually finding Deeks sitting on the patio. His head is bent forward, whatever he’s looking at completely capturing his attention.

Coming up behind him, Kensi loosely wraps her arms around his shoulders, kissing his temple. He twists to look up at her.

“Hey, you’re back early,” he says, offering a distracted smile.

“The CIA ended up taking over our case. They did not want to share,” she explains, walking around to join him on the loveseat.

“What are you working on?” She nods to the open laptop balanced on his knees.

“Just some LAPD stuff.” He closes the lid, sets it to the side, his arm sliding around her.

“Oh. I thought you finished all of that last week.”

“Yeah, I uh, I had a few more forms Bates needed,” he responds, ruffling his hair. There’s a tension radiating throughout his body and even though he’s sitting right next to her, he’s closed off.

“What’s going on? Are you nervous about going back tomorrow? Believe, everyone misses you. Even though Sam will probably pretend it’s be fine.” She rubs his back, which results in his spine going completely rigid. “We need our liaison back.”

“Yeah, about that.” He untangles himself from her, scooting over so there’s a half foot between them. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Ok, that doesn’t sound good,” she jokes. Deeks’ grim expression doesn’t change and her stomach clenches uncomfortably. He should be reassuring her right now, laughing at her lack of creativity, but he’s not.

He cups her hands between his. “Kensi, we need to talk about the engagement.”

“As in making invitations and setting a date? Because we already talked about this when you were in the hospital.”

“No.” He exhales shakily and her heart starts to pound in response.

He can’t be breaking up with her.

“Kensi, I love you…” he shakes his head and gestures aimlessly. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“What do you mean you can’t?”

“I can’t keep being with you and loving you and working in the same place, knowing that any given day, it could all be gone,” he says, his voice dipping lower on the last few words. Somehow knowing this is hurting him too doesn’t make it any better.

“I know it’s been difficult the last few months, but we can make this work,” she insists, hearing how desperate she sounds. In this moment, she’s ready to do just about anything to convince him.

“It’s not just the last few months, though what happened in Mexico did put things into perspective for me. I want a family and a future, and I just can’t see that working with what we do.”

This isn’t you, she wants to say. Marty Deeks doesn’t give up. He didn’t fight so hard for her after her coma and follow her into an unsanctioned, dangerous mission just for them to end this way.

Instead, she promises, “I want those things too, Deeks. I want you. And I can change. I can compromise.” She would do just about anything, because she knows what it’s like to almost lose him for good.

“We both know you’re not ready to leave NCIS and I said I wouldn’t force you to,” he answers bluntly. Then more gently. “Could you honestly say you’d be happy if you left now? Knowing that it wasn’t completely your choice.”

“I’d do it for you.” She means it.

“I wouldn’t want you to,” Deeks tells her.

“So I don’t get a say in any of this?” She can’t get out more than a whisper. This is so much worse than the last time. Then she could draw on her anger, use it to fuel her past the shock and pain. “You’re just going to leave.”

He swallows visibly, but doesn’t let her comment deter him. “I’ll be out by the end of week. I’m going to email the landlord about taking my name off the lease.”

“Deeks—”

“I’m not going to ask any rent or utilities. So you should be good for the rest of the year,” he continues on relentlessly.

“Deeks, I don’t care about the money,” she interrupts with a combination of horror and shock. Does he really think she’s that mercenary? “You just told me you’re leaving me. This house and rent is the last thing on my mind.”

“That’s not what I meant, Kens.”

She flinches as the soft use of her nickname, and he looks away, eyes focusing nowhere in particular, pursing his lips for a few seconds. When he looks at her again, his eyes are glassy and sadder than the night they fought in the parking garage.

“Of course I know you don’t care. I just meant I’m not going make this any harder on you by forcing you to move, or—or pick up all the bills without warning,” he explains.

Because only Marty Deeks would be so considerate while breaking her heart.

“What about work?” she asks dully. Her voice sounds distant and almost as if it’s coming from someone else.

“I’ll resign from the liaison position.” At the soft, pained noise Kensi lets escape he adds, almost pleading with her, “It would be too hard to keep working together when we—it would be too hard.”

“You weren’t happy at LAPD. And after the IA case…” Kensi reminds him.

“I know. It would just be until I figure something else out,” he says with a shrug.

There’s something especially painful about the thought of him leaving law enforcement completely. If he wants a safe future, he’s certainly not going to join a different agency.

In a final desperate effort, she takes his hand and squeezes it in her shaking one’s.

“Please, stay a little longer. Just a few weeks so we can try and figure it out. That’s all I’m asking. Please,” she begs. A few tears slip down her cheeks.

Deeks reaches up to wipe them away, making a comforting sound. For a moment, she thinks he might give in. She might have gotten through to him and won a little more time with him. He hugs her, his arms tight and comforting. Kensi holds him just as tight, curling her fingers in the back of his shirt, as though she can keep him there by sheer will.

After a minute, he presses his lips her cheek, carefully easing out of her embrace.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs hoarsely. He’s crying too, but it doesn’t stop him from walking away.

“Deeks, wait!” Kensi runs after him, catches him before he gets to the patio door and grasps his cheeks, kissing him desperately. She pours every ounce of love, regret, and heartbreak into it, memorizing the feel of his lips against hers.

When she pulls away, Deeks looks absolutely wrecked. Sucking in a shuddering breath, he backs away, his eyes pleading with her not to follow.

In just a few seconds, he’s gone. Kensi’s legs shake and she slowly crumples to the rough ground, her shoulders heaving with sobs.

***

A/N: I realize Deeks springing a break up on Kensi may seem a little OOC, but in this scenario they haven’t necessarily talked through all their issues and desires/needs for the future. So, Kensi assumes they’re ok and Deeks is trying to make it work, but they still have the same conflict as in 9x23 and 24.

Thanks for the prompt!

[anonkp]

This warms my heart so much.

Random headcanon:

After over four decades of nearly constant stress and varying forms of trauma, Deeks is learning to truly relax. Life is definitely still crazy most days between the kids and work, but it’s a different kind of crazy. It’s not fraught with the fear of danger and loss. Unlearning what has been driven into him since he was a child is hard. It is happening, slowly but surely. Every day he wakes up to Kensi, and the kids, to the life the share, a little bit more of that trauma dissipates.

[anonkp]

In just two paragraphs, @ejzah made me feel surprisingly emotional.

A/N: Some of Deeks’ thoughts about Granger in season 8. Specifically after they have their conversation in the gym. As always, rest in peace Granger and Miguel.

***

Deeks knows it’s not great. No one can miss how ill Granger looks, how much thinner he gets each day. It’s painful to watch, knowing there’s probably not much to be done. Instead, they mostly carry on as if everything is normal. They definitely don’t mention Granger’s condition or express sympathy. Between Kensi’s recovery and the endless hunt for the mole, there isn’t enough time to focus on it. And maybe they all convince themselves Granger would never succumb to something as commonplace as death.

What really puts it into perspective is the day Granger pulls Deeks aside for a heart-to-heart. He’s earnest and kind, which is something Deeks truly never thought he’d associate with their assistant director. At least not when it came to him. He’s touched by the advice and it’s surprisingly helpful. As Granger extends a vague offer of friendship, Deeks wishes it didn’t take a tragedy to get them here.

[anonkp]

Love this! It really captures Deeks’ unwavering sense of loyalty, one of his best features.

A/N: A little piece about Deeks’ thoughts while Kensi’s recovering in season 8. Inspired by some discussion with mashmaiden.

***

Deeks never imagined he’d be spending his nights in a hospital room, begging Kensi to wake up. Then again, there were a lot of things he hadn’t anticipated. He certainly didn’t think his first proposal would occur while she was still in a coma.

Julia told him he didn’t need to stay every night. He knew she said it with love and concern for him, but he didn’t have any plans to leave Kensi outside of work expectations. A definitely not well-meaning nurse cornered early one morning to inform him no one would judge him if he walked away. Lots of people did. Fortunately for her, he’d been too exhausted to show his absolutely disgust at the suggestion.

When Kensi finally woke up, it didn’t get much easier as she navigated paralysis, physical therapy, and everything that came with significant injuries. Still, he stayed. He stayed for every rough therapy session he could, all the tests and discussion about the long term prognosis. He stayed for the better day and the truly awful days that ended in tears and despondency.

Even when Kensi pushed him away, he came back before too long.

Because he loved her. No matter how hard or painful or different this new part of their life was, he’d be by her side.

[anonkp]

Delightful.

Any chance you or someone else could write a steamier version of the densi scene in Raven & the Swans if nell didn’t interrupt them and if sam and callen weren’t listening?

A/N: So, I’ll never turn down an opportunity to write Densi romance. However, I couldn’t completely ignore the reality of their situation. I also felt compelled to change the actual scene and dialogue a bit outside the prompt. With that in mind, I hope you still enjoy this.

***

We’re Method

Kensi lets out a yelp of surprised laughter when Deeks tosses her onto the bed. They’d decided to play a pair of bickering newlyweds, but she hadn’t expected him to go this far. Especially when no one else was in the room.

Deeks apologizes, offering her a hand, then immediately swings her around, and back onto the bed. From there, it gets a little crazy. She pulls him down next to her, he flips her over, and they roll back and forth several times.

Somehow Kensi ends up with her thighs clamped around Deeks’ neck, holding him in place.

“How do you like that?” she asks, taunting him.

“I mean, I’ve been in worse positions,” Deeks observes in a slightly strained voice. It’s then that she realizes his proximity, and what this might look like if anyone were to walk in. She remembers they decided to go without comms for now. So no one is listening in, thankfully.

“If I die, it’s going to be really hard to explain to Hetty,” Deeks continues. “And HR.”

With every word, she feels the slight warmth of his breath through the thin material of her dress pants. It sends a more intense heat through her entire body. Despite his precarious position, he grins up at her, his smile mischievous, even delighted.

She wants him, she realizes. She’s spent so long denying any feelings and her attraction to him. Now he’s right there.

Ignoring the warning voice in her head, Kensi unwinds her legs, releasing Deeks, but before he can get up, she wraps her arms around his shoulders, dragging him towards her. She sees Deeks eye flash with surprise and he gets out a mostly unintelligible word before she presses her lips against his.

She lands a little off center and too hard and Deeks freezes, his lips still against hers. Just as she’s beginning to think she made a terrible mistake, Deeks moves. His hands cup the back of her head, drawing her closer, his lips parting over hers.

Kensi makes a keening noise she’d be embarrassed by in any other circumstance. At the moment, all she can think is that she should have done this so much sooner. Because kissing Deeks like this, without any pretense or fear is electric

Twining her leg around his hip in a desperate need to get closer, she curls her fingers in Deeks’ hair. Deeks pulls back with a gasp and his pupils are wide and lips already a little red and swollen.

“Are we gonna…?” he trails off, nodding between them.

In lieu of answering, Kensi runs the back of her fingers along his jaw, smiling up at him. Then slowly and deliberately leans in to kiss him again. This time, the kiss is more leisurely. She takes the time to explore his mouth and savor the taste of him.

Deeks grasps her waist, the heat of his palms emanating through her clothes, and suddenly she needs to feel as much of him as she can. She tugs at his jacket, stripping it off him, then attacks the buttons of his shirt. As soon as she has a few buttons undone, she smooths both palms over his chest, relishing in touching him without any restrictions.

Following her lead, Deeks pulls her shirt free of her pants while sucking a path along her neck. Kensi moans and arches into him, holding his head in place as he moves lower.

Bit by bit, they reveal more skin, their breath loud and sharp in the quiet room. Kensi’s just reaching for Deeks’ waistband when a sharp knock has them both jerking apart.

Deeks looks to the door, then back down at Kensi. “Damn,” he mutters. His hair hangs in his eyes and he looks perfectly messy.

The tiniest part of her wants to ignore the knocking, and pull Deeks back down to finish what they started.

“Rain check?” she says instead.

“I’ll hold you to that,” he whispers back, leaning down to drop a gentle kiss on her lips.

***

Thanks for the prompt!

[anonkp]

One of my favorite moments of the entire series.

NCIS: Los Angeles | 5x03 | Omni

[anonkp]

Perfect.

A/N: Thanks to @mashmaiden, once again, for reminding me this is the fifteenth anniversary of Kensi and Deeks meeting.

***

When Tracey Met Jason

15 Years Ago

“I suppose you’re not that bad,” Kensi decided and he snorted, head tilting back as he grinned. Something about his smile, and the fact she’d elicited it from him, made her want to do it again.

“Geez, you just keep rolling out the compliments,” he teased.

“Aw, don’t tell me you can’t handle a few jokes, Detective.”

His laugh was breathy this time. “Oh no. I was just about to say I suppose you might make a decent undercover operator.” He paused. “Someday.”

Kensi gaped at him. “That’s—you know what, I can see why you don’t have a partner,” she tossed back as soon as the insult occurred to her.

“Blye, you’ll have to try a lot harder than that to hurt my feelings,” he drawled, and she couldn’t tell if she hated it or liked it. Making a circular gesture to encompass his hair and face, he shrugged. “When you don’t follow the crowd, you kind of learn to have a thick skin, and Sam’s punches aside, you guys got nothing on some of my former colleagues.

Kensi didn’t know what to say to that. She certainly didn’t know what to do with a cop who clearly didn’t find her intimidating, and baited Sam and Callen without any sign of fear. All while helping himself to their coffee.

“Well, it turned out to be helpful on this case,” she settled on.

“Thanks,” Deeks said with a smaller smile. “Maybe I’ll see you around.”

***

“Happy anniversary.”

“Happy anniversary,” Kensi echoed, twining her arm through Deeks’ and they fed each other a bite of cake. She brushed a bit off frosting off his upper lip, following it up with a kiss.

They drew apart with the sound of incoming footsteps in time to see Rosa walk in the kitchen. She still had her backpack and shoes on, and Deeks guessed she’d come straight from a study session.

“Hi, sweetie,” Kensi greeted her.

“Hey Rose.”

“Hey. Are we celebrating something?” she asked, gesturing to the mini cake with a couple bites missing.

“Just the 15th anniversary of the day we met,” Kensi explained. “You want some?”

“Oh, I don’t want to eat it if it’s your—”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Deeks cut her off, pushing the cake in her direction. “Dig in.”

With that, Rosa cut herself a slice, and joined them at the table.

“So, which anniversary is this one again? I know your all-in day is in December, but I forget some of the others.”

“This was the very first day we met, at the MMA gym.”

“I don’t think you ever told me that whole story,” Rosa said. “So…”

Deeks smiled, happy to oblige. “Fifteen years ago, I was undercover at an MMA gym when Kensi walked in—”

“No idea he was LAPD.”

“Right.“

“What were your initial reactions?” Rosa asked.

“I thought Deeks was cute, but sketchy and possibly a drug dealer,” Kensi answered, sharing a knowing look with Deeks.

“And I thought you were hot and definitely not our victim’s girlfriend.” Deeks nodded to Rosa. “I have it on good authority she couldn’t keep her eyes off my hair.”

“Sam and Callen made that up,” Kensi protested, but acknowledged as she ran her fingers through his curls. “Thought it certainly didn’t hurt.”

“I seem to recall you had on a black tank top, jeans, and bag that went across her shoulder,” he added. Kensi elbowed him lightly, likely remembering the last time her outfit from that day came up.

“You still remember what I wore?”

“As if I could forget,” she scoffed, eyeing him up and down.

The look sent a pleasant shiver across his shoulders.

“White tank top, red shorts, and black socks,” she rattled off.

“That’s so sweet,” Rosa sighed.

“It was a rocky start,” Kensi said, running her finger over Deeks’ lower lip again as she looked him directly in the eye. “But I’m so grateful for the day Tracey met Jason.”

“And I think that is my cue to leave,” Rosa muttered, taking her cake and making a quick, but exaggerated exit.

“Admit it, you were pretty smitten from day one,” Deeks teased, and Kensi shook her head, laughter in her eyes.

“Never. Though I am completely and utterly smitten now.”

They kissed again, fifteen years of growth and love between them.

[anonkp]

Yes! @ejzah with my favorite storyline of hers, fixing the absolutely awful version we saw on the show.

A/N: Takes place after Deeks returns from FLETC.

***

Sam: There’s the man. Investigator Marty Deeks. Bring it in, brother. *he pulls Deeks in for a hearty hug, squeezing the back of his neck*

Deeks, barely suppressing a wince: Good to see you too, man.

Sam: Congratulations. I knew you could do it.

Deeks: Thanks.

Callen: So, when do you amaze us with your stunning investigative skills, Investigator?

Kensi, looping her arm around Deeks’ back: He’s all mine for a few more weeks.

Sam, crossing his arms: Seriously. You got approved for leave after being gone for a couple months?

Deeks, reluctantly: No, I am on medical leave. Because I broke two ribs at FLETC.

Callen: Nice.

Sam: Doing what? You’re better at hand-to-hand combat than 90% the kids that graduate. Do I need to go have a talk with someone?

Deeks: I appreciate the brotherly concern, but it was an accident. At least I’m pretty sure it was. You know the guy they use to train combat, Sims?

Callen: That guy’s bigger than Sam.

Deeks: Yep. He was working with another cadet, lost his balance, and I made a nice soft landing for him.

Sam, softly: Damn. You’re lucky it’s only two ribs.

Kensi, tightly: Lucky isn’t the word I’d use. For now, Deeks has orders to avoid anything too strenuous and I am taking a few days to make sure he sticks to that.

Callen, chucking: Those restrictions must be killing you two.

Deeks, mischievously: It’s not ideal, but we can get pretty creative.

Kensi, touching his cheek: And I’m under no restrictions.

[anonkp]

You're my world.

[anonkp]

The way these two look at one another. Just, wow.

Why hasn't Granger arrested me? 'Cause we haven't told him yet.

[anonkp]

Definitely not too much. I’d say just right.

Blunt Force, Part 11

***

“You know, I’m not a big surprise guy. I kind of like to know what’s going on, particularly given recent developments,” Deeks commented. Kensi had arrived at his apartment early Saturday moment, armed with a hot cup of coffee just the way he liked it, a donut, and instructions to get ready for an excursion.

Normally, he’d have a few questions, but three weeks out from his TBI, cabin fever had started to set in. The worst of his concussion symptoms had resolved, but he still wasn’t cleared for most activities that would he’ll pass the time. Definitely not surfing or running, which he’d relied on a lot to deal with both frustration and boredom.

So, he’d changed into jeans and a t-shirt, grabbed his phone, and let Kensi drive without any idea of their destination.

“Deeks, relax, I’m not kidnapping you,” Kensi said now, calmly driving along a road lined with a mix of gas stations, apartments, and retail establishments. He dipped his head to glance out the passenger window.

“Well, two minutes ago I wasn’t too worried, but this does kind of look like my old stomping grounds. Please tell me you didn’t stage an intervention with my mother.” He intended it mostly as a joke, but the surrounding area did look pretty familiar.

“Deeks, I’ve never even met your mom.”

“Really?” That surprised him after the amount of time they’d spent together since his injury. He started to ask why, but Kensi signaled to turn into a parking lot with a strip mall, which contained several chain restaurants, a boutique, and supplements store from what he could see. “Did you have a sudden craving for the Chinese buffet?”

“No. Though the crab Rangoon from that place are amazing,” she said.

“I know. I used to come here all the time when I lived in the area,” he told her.

She flashed him an odd look, but didn’t say anything else as she slowed in front of a nondescript gray building and parked towards the back of the parking lot.

“Kensi, where are we?”

“Do you trust me?” she returned, fingers clamping and unclamping around the steering wheel.

“Yeah,” he said without much thought. She hadn’t given him a reason not to.

“It’s a firing range.”

“That’s what I thought, which leads to my next question. Why?”

Putting the SUV in park, Kensi sighed and turned to face him. “We spent a lot of time practicing and training, so I thought being in a familiar environment might, I don’t know, bring up some memories. And if not, it’s a good bonding exercise.”

“And we could do that at the buffet or a walk in the park. Literally, anything else,” he said. Kensi pressed her lips together, staying silent for several seconds.

“Do you trust me?” she repeated, more softly this time.

He narrowed his eyes, but didn’t call her on the blatant manipulation. “Ok, let’s go shoot stuff,” he said unenthusiastically.

Kensi rented two lanes for them along with ear protection. When the attendant asked if they needed weapons or ammunition, she said they had their own.

At this time of day, there was only one other patron at the far end of the room. Deeks instantly felt tense at the muted sound of gunfire, the smell of gunpowder.

Once they were set up in their lanes, Kensi removed a gun from her waistband. He instantly recognized the model thanks to way too many cases involving firearms.

“This is your preferred service weapon at the moment,” Kensi explained, offering it to him with the muzzle pointed towards the floor. “You switched from a Smith and Wesson a while back. Here, take it.”

“Guns aren’t my favorite thing,” Deeks drawled, side-eyeing the weapon with distaste.

“I understand, but I’d bet a month worth of dish duties that Hetty will ask for a firearms demonstration, so…” she presented the gun to him again.

With extreme reluctance, Deeks took the gun by the handle. The weight and coolness of the metal didn’t surprise him, but the vague sense of familiarity did. He hadn’t held a gun of any kind in his bare hands in over a decade. It felt odd, not wrong exactly, but certainly not something he enjoyed.

“Why don’t you take a shot?” Kensi suggested.

“Or I could just watch you.”

“Deeks.” Coming up behind him, she cupped his elbows, physically adjusting his arms and hands into the appropriate position. When she stepped back, he missed the warmth again his back. He automatically shifted slightly in a way that felt more natural. Raising his hands a little higher, he pulled the trigger, and the bullet pinged off a piece of metal outside of the target.

“Yep, I’m a natural,” he commented.

“It’s going to take a minute,” Kensi assured him. “Though I’m going to remember how bad that was later on.”

“Sure, keep making fun of the concussed guy.”

“Yeah, you poor baby.” Moving over to her own lane, she removed a second gun from her waistband, adjusted her headphones, and aimed with an impressive amount of speed, shooting several bullets in a row.

She casually stepped back with a smug smile and brought the target forward.

“Wow, that’s impressive. And kind of terrifying.”

“Thank you. Now it’s your turn again.”

“As delightful as your demonstration was, I don’t think I’m going to be any better this time around.” He tried to hand the gun back, but Kensi shook her head.

“Close your eyes and visualize yourself aiming the gun and shooting,” Kensi instructed him, and he followed along as she kept speaking. He’d never taken Kensi for the type to buy into this kind of thing. “You’ve done this a thousand times before. It’s second nature at this point. It’s easy.”

He focused on his breathing, letting his thoughts drift with the sound of Kensi’s voice. He imagined the times when he’d wished he could defend someone over the years. The little girl who got bullied by kids twice her age, the eighteen year old boy hurt in a carjacking, the terrified mom just trying to protect her children. Eleven year old Marty Deeks.

Deeks’ eyes sprang open and he raised his arms, gun held between his hands; everything stilled around him as he aimed and pulled the trigger six times. He lowered the gun, breathing as hard as if he’d just finished a race.

Beside him, Kensi reeled in the target, revealing six bullet holes clustered around the bullseye.

“Wow,” she commented. “I guess that muscle memory kicked in after all.”

Shaking, Deeks pulled the headphones off and shoved them into Kensi’s hands.

“Yeah, it’s fantastic,” he muttered.

“Deeks,” he heard her say, but he pushed past her, ignoring her repeated calls.

***

A/N: Was that too much?

[anonkp]

Love it.

Hey is it possible to get a chapter out for One wrong move?

A/N: Hey there! It just so happens I had this half written when you sent in your ask. Here you go. Thanks for asking!

***

One Wrong Move, Part 7

Kensi walked back to to Deeks’ room—he’d been switched to one with a higher level of containment—with trepidation. Her last glimpse of him, he’d been covered in medical equipment, and unconscious. The doctor said Deeks was conscious now, but who knew what condition he was in otherwise.

Thankfully, when she walked in, it wasn’t nearly as bad as she’d anticipated. A nasal cannula partially obstructed his face and he had a new IV placed in the back of his other hand. Worry about further seizures and what would happen if the new medication didn’t work filled her.

Deeks was alive, she reminded herself, and that was something to be grateful for. Grabbing a mask from station set up outside the room, she pressed the entrance button, waiting until the door made a click and buzzing noise.

Deeks turned his head slowly in response to the door opening, the corner of his mouth lifting in a glimmer of a smile.

“Hey baby.”

“Hey.” He lifted his hand briefly, the movement slow and uncoordinated. His face was flushed, eyes heavy, and he looked completely exhausted. “This is not my week,” he muttered.

“I’m so sorry, Deeks.”

“Feels like the time my mom gave me a shot of bourbon and cold medicine,” he said slowly.

“They have you on the good stuff then.” Joking felt good. Normal. At least in their world.

“Mm. Supposed to relax me and bring my—” he waved his finger in the air near his head. “Bring my temp down.”

“Did they tell you what happened?”

“Doctor said some kind of seizure. Never had one of those before. Wouldn’t recommend,” he said with a tired sigh.

“Yeah. It was pretty scary, but they said it was probably the preventative medication. They’re going to try a different one instead,” she explained. She didn’t want to tell him too much and risk upsetting him. Then again, he didn’t seem capable of getting agitated at the moment with whatever medication he was on.

“Now I feel really special. Hope it works.”

“Me too.” Kensi wiped away a tear that threatened to spill down her cheek, and he gestured her closer with a lazy wave of his hand, movement hampered by the IV.

“Hey, c’mere.”

Taking his hand, she let him “pull” her close enough she could have climbed into bed with him. She settled on leaning on the arm rail, cradling his hand in both of hers, and focused on the familiar lines and crevices along the skin.

“It’s going be ok,” he whispered, sounding the most coherent he had since she walked in the room.

“I keep trying to tell myself that,” she said, unable to stop her breath from hitching, or another tear from slipping out. “It’s hard though.”

“It’s gotta be. I have my favorite Ladybird by my side and we’ve got so much more life together.” He rubbed his thumb over her knuckles, the simple gesture reassuring. “I’m not leaving you yet, Kensi Blye.”

“You better not,” she whispered, lifting his hand to her cheek.

[anonkp]

This is really sweet.

A/N: What happens when I watch “Paper Soldiers”, a fairly angst free episode? I immediately write a very angsty fic borne from a few random lines of dialogue. I’m also back to borrowing random lyrics from Wicked.

***

Unlike I Anticipated

“Agent Blye continued to pursue,” Deeks muttered to himself, typing along with his monologue. He had about half of his report written when he fell Kensi’s gaze on him. Sure enough, the next time he checked his notes, he saw her watching him out of the corner of his eye. It was just the two of them now, in the quiet of the empty bullpen.

“Yeees?” he prompted. Kensi didn’t say anything. “Come on, I can literally feel you thinking. It’s super distracting. If this is about what that guy said to you, because I would have understood if you punched him.”

“No, it’s not about that creep,” Kensi told him. She fiddled with her pencil, pushed a couple of trinkets around her desk, increasing Deeks’ curiosity with every second she stalled. It either had to be something embarrassing or that he wouldn’t like.

“When we were talking about you being a public defender, it got me thinking. I was wondering what that was like?” She shrugged, and Deeks understood why she felt so uncomfortable.

They weren’t this direct. Not in this way. Not without jokes and work to act as a buffer. Not when it was just the two of them late at night.

He turned to face her. “What’s going on with you? First you’re imagining me at my former former job, now you want to know what it was like?”

“Sorry.” She held up her hands, instantly defensive. “God forbid I show some interest in my partner’s life.”

“Hey, I didn’t say that.” Brushing her shoulder to stop her from getting up and leaving, Deeks waved her back down. “Just, stop for two seconds, ok? What exactly do you want to know?”

“I don’t know. Most of the public defenders I’ve run into through cases have either been jerks or seemed like they just stumbled out of law school,” she said.

“That is pretty accurate,” Deeks agreed. He’d worked with one guy who’d hated his guts from day one and a woman who’d shook every day she walked into court. She’d quit after two months.

“You put up with a lot at LAPD, right? Bad partners, Bates, working rough undercover cases all on your own with almost no support. So, the LA court system much have been particularly awful for you to just up and leave after a couple of years,” Kensi surmised rather shrewdly.

“Well, I wouldn’t say I just up and left,” Deeks hedged. “It did suck though.” He leaned back, addressing Kensi more seriously. He never liked talking about his time as a lawyer; he largely considered it one of the more miserable and disheartening points of his life. Which was saying something.

“I went into law because I wanted to help people. I had this idealized notion that I could—rescue kids like me before the worst happened. Or stop the people like my dad,” he explained. He smiled sardonically. “I guess I pictured myself as a modern day Atticus Finch.” He chuckled to himself at how poorly his own attempts at playing judicial savior had gone. Kensi would have a field day if she ever found out he shared a middle name with a literary attorney.

“So you weren’t stopping the injustices of the world?” Kensi guessed.

“I knew I’d have to defend criminals and generally bad people, but I, naively, thought I’d also get those cases with the wife who shoots her abusive husband or the teenager who needs a second chance. Instead, I had to defend truly awful people and watch their cases get dismissed because I had a better argument, or there was an issue with evidence, or the victim dropped charges. Nine days out of ten, I hated it.”

A moment too late, he realized just how much he’d revealed, and he swallowed self-consciously. Kensi’s eyes held a little bit too much sympathy and compassion as she watched him.

“So, I quit.”

“And you thought LAPD would be better?” she asked.

“Maybe not. I figured I’d at least have the opportunity to intervene where it mattered. I’d be able to make sure the chain of evidence wasn’t broken and maybe that mom wouldn’t need to shoot her husband because a cop actually listened to her for a change,” he said, his voice hoarse. His lips twitched in an approximation of a smile. “Then I jumped ship when Hetty offered the liaison position.”

“I’m glad you did.” For once, there wasn’t a hint of teasing in Kensi’s voice. “I hope NCIS is better than the courts or LAPD.”

“It is.”

“Good.” Kensi grabbed her pencil again, seemingly ready to get back to her paperwork, then paused, hesitating for several seconds before she added, “For the record, you did make a difference. Even if it didn’t feel like it at the time.”

Deeks sat back, letting Kensi’s words sink in. He didn’t know if he fully believed her, but for the first time, the thought of his previous careers didn’t leave him feeling bitter and hopeless.

[anonkp]

Aww, thanks @ejzah for humoring my request with such a charming story.

A/N: For @anonkp, who suggested a fic where Kensi and Deeks find out Whiting is actually Steven’s mom.

***

The In-Law

“They should be here any minute,” Rosa said, looking beyond Deeks, in the direction of the entrance. “Steven says they got stopped by a red light.”

“That’s ok,” Deeks assured her, gesturing around the restaurant. “It’s pretty busy, so we’ll probably have to wait anyway.”

After officially dating for three months (following nearly two months of being “just friends”), Rosa had agreed to let Kensi and Deeks meet Steven’s mom. The event had come with a good amount of back and forth between Rosa and Steven over details, worrying if everyone would like the food, and so forth. They finally settled on a Mexican restaurant both kids approved of and had an open table for five.

“You know, I thought we’d never meet either of Steven’s parents. He must be pretty important for all this secrecy.”

Rosa blushed, dipping her head. “I just didn’t want to rush things.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Baby, stop teasing her,” Kensi intervened.

“Thank you, Kensi.”

“You’re welcome. The teasing will come later, on the way home.”

“You two are awful,” Rosa complained without much heat.

“Which is how you know we love you,” Deeks teased. He grinned at Rosa’s unamused expression. He tried not to embarrass her too much, but occasionally, it was fun. Especially when it came to Steven, who Rosa clearly adored, despite her claims it was still casual.

“Shhh, here they come,” Rosa said, making a waving motion as she hushed them both and sat straighter.

“I wasn’t even talking!” Kensi protested.

Deeks turned to look, catching sight of Steven’s sandy blond hair first, then the woman standing slightly behind him. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” he muttered.

“What?” Kensi asked, but he didn’t have a chance to respond before Steven and Ellen Whiting, of all people, were within Kensi’s line of sight too. She had her hair down and wore casual clothes, but it was definitely her.

Standing, Rosa met Steven and Whiting a few feet away.

“No, this can’t be real. What are we going to do?” Kensi hissed.

“I don’t know, but they’re coming back, so try to act normal.”

“Mrs. Hardy, these are my parents, Kensi and Marty,” Rosa said as she returned with Steven and Whiting. She smiled nervously, clinging to Steven, who looked equally anxious.

“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” Whiting drawled, looking at them with a mixture of amazement and annoyance. “Thought I was seeing things when Rosa pointed you out.”

“Good to see you too, Whiting,” Deeks said wryly.

“Wait, you know each other?” Rosa asked in obvious confusion.

“Oh, that’s one way of putting it.”

Whiting made a face at that, but before she could expound on her and Deeks’ past encounters, Kensi spoke up.

“It’s nice to see you, Ellen. Please, sit down.”

Soon after everyone was situated, a waiter came to take their orders, and Rosa and Steven began to visibly relax.

“So, where did you and mom meet?” Steven asked, twisting a balled up straw paper between his fingers. “I didn’t think you handled criminal law.”

“I used to be a detective,” Deeks explained shortly.

“And I worked in law enforcement too,” Kensi added.

“And I arrested Deeks once.” Whiting smiled at Deeks’ glare and Steven and Rosa’s twin looks of shock. “Just kidding.”

“Yeah, your mom’s just a barrel of laughs. I’ve always said that about her.”

“Baby, play nice,” Kensi said warningly.

“Sorry.” He cleared his throat sharply. “So, I’m guessing Whiting is your maiden name.”

“I changed my name to Hardy after I got married but kept Whiting professionally. It’s easier to keep the parts of my life separate,” Whiting answered. “When we talked about kids that last case we had together, I never imagined my kid would be dating yours.”

“It’s definitely a shocker.”

“Is that why you asked me about Steven’s last name?” Rosa wondered, narrowing her eyes at them.

“We thought there might be a slight chance,” Kensi explained. “We didn’t think there’d end up being a connection.”

“I think it’s cool.” Steven nodded happily, sharing a smile with Rosa. “Since you guys already know each other, it’ll be a lot less awkward getting together.”

“Maybe we can have Steven and Mrs. Hardy over for dinner sometime soon,” Rosa suggested.

“Oh, sure, of course. You know, if you’re available. We know how busy your schedule is.” Kensi chuckled awkwardly.

“I’m free this Saturday,” Whiting said with a familiar, biting smile.

“Awesome. I’ll make something special for dinner,” Rosa offered.

“Great.” Deeks purses his lips, forcing a smile of his own. “This is going to be fantastic.

[anonkp]

Epic scene in an epic episode.

You're the one who never says what he means. That's not true. Then say something you actually mean.

[anonkp]

Very fine whumpage

You Had Me at Jack, Part 18

***

“How could you lose him so quickly?” Kensi asked, walking the length of the alleyway for some clue. It occurred to her that she might be falling into a trap, but her need to fine Deeks override any self-preservation. He’d gone missing on her watch.

“I don’t know,” Eric answered, sounding both confused and tense. “Something must have happened to his phone. Damn it, I knew I should have given him a watch instead.”

“Eric, there’s not time for that now,” Callen interceded. “Can you find video coverage around the club.”

“I’m looking now.”

“I’m checking traffic and surveillance cameras,” Nell added.

Kensi said nothing, phone still pressed to her ear as she scanned the ground. The pair of dumpsters outside the kitchen exit door caught her and her stomach swooped with a sickening feeling. She approached them slowly, with an almost certain dread. Just as she reached to open the closest one, Eric announced,

“I found him. Well, video from one of the security cameras. A woman and a man were carrying Deeks and put him in the trunk of a car. It looked like Deeks was unconscious.”

“He’s alive,” Kensi breathed out, almost weak with relief. “Where did they take him.”

“We’re still tracking the car,” Nell answered.

“But Kensi, at least one of them is armed,” Eric warned.

***

“Marie, if you kill me, you’re going to have two murders linked with the club,” Deeks stalled. Maria dropped the gun ever so slightly, her expression still unmoved, but he could tell she was at least listening. “A random customer is one thing, an employee is another. And I leave a lasting impression. There’s going to be cops crawling all over the second they find my body.”

“Not if they don’t find your body,” she replied calmly.

“That’s relying on a lot of ifs. And let’s face it, Marie, you’re not the type to get your hands dirty. Otherwise, I’d have figured out you were the one behind everything a long time ago.”

“Tell that to Mark Jackson,” she hissed. Deeks had suspected as much; though it would do little good without a recording. Lifting the gun back to its original position, Marie smirked. “I think I’ll take my chances.”

Not a second later, the boom of doors being battered down split the air. Deeks instinctively rolled to the side as Marie took off in the opposite direction. Zeke made a grab for him, but Deeks kicked out, catching him at the knees and the other man went down hard.

Deeks nearly went down too as the room blurred around him unexpectedly. He clumsily fell to his knees, and the doors finally opened, revealing the NCIS team. With Deeks’ growing haziness, it felt like something out of a movie, especially when Kensi race in still in her lacy dress and high heels.

“NCIS,” Deeks heard Callen shout as they moved further into the room. Zeke tried to sit up again, but Kensi flipped onto his stomach with an impressive kick, then pressed the narrow heel of her stiletto into his back.

“I will happily shoot you if you move,” she informed Zeke calmly. Personally, Deeks wouldn’t have minded if he struggled a little. She cuffed him without issue, moving on to examine the ropes around Deeks’ wrist.

Reaching under her skirt, she revealed a garter belt equipped with several pocket, and removed a reasonably sized knife.

“Wow, that’s kind of hot,” he murmured, shifting around so Kensi could cut the ropes and hopefully not him.

“You like that, huh?”

“It’s almost worth getting bashed in the head,” he agreed. Finally, his hands were loose and he shook them out, wincing at the tingling sensation.

“I bet you didn’t expect me to save the day,” she said, moving in front of him now.

“Did Callen and Hanna go after Marie?” he asked. “Apparently she’s the mastermind behind all of this.”

Kensi nodded. “Yeah, they’re in their pursuit. I don’t think she’ll get very far.” As she spoke, she gingerly touched the back and side of his head, where he’d been hit. Up until now, he’d mostly ignored the pain. With her touch and the reminder of hid injury, the throbbing came back in full force. “Wow, you’re still bleeding quite a bit,” she commented worriedly.

“That explains the dizziness. I didn’t think there were three of you, though that wouldn’t be terrible,” he rambled. A wave of nausea had come over him, adding to the general feeling of awfulness.

“Ok, you’re going to the ER,” Kensi decided.

“Whatever you say, Nurse Kensi,” Deeks mumbled, then promptly fell forward into her arms.