it’s funny
in my head, i had made everything out
to be everything
and anything
I ever wanted
I thought that this would free me
God was I foolish
I thought “here, i can flourish”
without anything to cage me
and i forgot
i was my own worst nightmare
and my very own persecutor
when, oh, when
will i be free of this poison coursing though my veins
relentlessly whispering in my flesh
that i’d be nothing but regrets
i thought i was happy,
and then he broke me
after i cried all my tears
and bled all those years
i found someone who understands
it is me i cannot stand
i found him
and he found me
but god it could never save me
and i lie there in my own misery
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how did i not see it before?
how did we end up here?
it amazes me how fast we went from kinda friends
to this
and thank god we did
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lune ronde
et douce lumière
je pense à toi
j’aimerais te serrer dans mes bras
retrouver ton étreinte magique
et le bonheur de tes lèvres
lune scintillante
c’est dans l’obscurité que je te revois
quand je ferme les yeux je nous retrouve
tantôt allongés, tantôt main dans la main
je me souviens de la manière dont tu
m’enveloppais de toute ton âme
et je me réfugiais au creux de mon destin
lune de cristal
dis moi pourquoi ces amours sont-elles si fragiles
si mes sentiments sont si puissants
et me bouleversent et me jettent à la renverse
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dans ma fenêtre ouverte se reflètent le ciel
et ses nuages délicats
c’est si joli, et pourtant je ne le remarque que maintenant
les immeubles parsemés de verdure composent un si joli tableau
pourquoi aimai-je tant les nuages
et l’apaisement qu’ils m’apportent
discrets, il s’en vont lentement
vers de meilleurs horizons
et quand tout devient trop pesant
fondent en larmes
je voudrais être un nuage, moi aussi
pour voguer libre de toute préoccupation
et me dissoudre lorsque le poids de mes pensées
devient trop dur à supporter
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why am i crying?
my hair looks so nice,
i can’t be crying looking like this
why are tears streaming down my face?
why do i not feel like myself?
down the rabbit hole
again and again
and every time
i can’t seem to find the exit
why am i like this?
why am i brittle bones
broken spirit
and numb nerves?
i can’t be crying
i look so pretty today
i just can’t be crying
and i thought i missed you
but i really missed myself
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it’s time to say goodbye
“i feel good with him.
i just do. i love kissing him.
his lips feel like home”
i stumbled onto this forgotten note
january, you were everything to me
i’d bury myself into work
and you’d always be on my mind
it’s just so hard to see these
pale reminders of past devotion
and innocent bliss
god did i love you
and you were my everything
back then
pure fucking happiness
radiating through every pore of my skin
and everyone would see me
and instantly think: that girl’s in love
and i was, boy was i in love
sending corny texts
giggling each time i’d look at my phone
and see your virtual love notes
that all seems like a hallucination now
did i dream all of that?
was i so high on love
that i made everything up?
all i know is you’re gone now
and i miss being in your arms
i miss the slow dance
of your hands tracing the curves of my hips
i miss making you smile
and all that’s left
is a girl crying in the corner
trying to numb the pain
by painting you in her dreams
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au détour d'un parc virevolte ton souvenir
qui de nous deux aurait pu prévoir une telle fin,
ce vide cruel et étrange
dans un brouillard sans nom nous nous sommes perdus
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i write because i miss you
trying to fill the void you left
when you decided to cut all ties
i write to see you
in my shy lines
sparkling with a love
i can only make up
you’re so far from me now
but you’re stuck in my head
and when i write
i can feel what it was like to be in your arms again
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i never needed you
or your blue eyes and your gentle hands
i was doing ok on my own
till i met you
i never needed you
to sweep me off my feet
and introduce me to your wonderful mind
i was fine on my own
but i wanted you
it was the purest desire
to be in your arms
and i never needed you more
than i do now
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i miss you more than words could say
i miss you every day
how can i miss something so brief
in the blink of an eye you completely changed my life
put it upside down
made me the happiest and the saddest
and i spend hours wondering
is he thinking of me?
does he miss me, even a little bit?
it’s so cruel and mean
not to read my last words of love
heart ripped and rugged knees
i just wait for you to get ouf of my heart
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tell me, did you ever feel it?
that capricious sea of love
that tied me to you
you sank the boat
and left me drowning
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is it my spicy noodles
or is it you i cry for
i hate how every memory is slowly escaping my mind
i hate that i can’t call you
i just want to be in your arms again
god, here we go again
i sit there, all alone
endless tears of grief
slowly rolling on my cheeks
and i bet you’re carefree
happy with your friends
how could you not be
it’s not like you’d miss me
and in a moment of bliss
i remember how your lips felt
how it felt to be wrapped in your arms
to give you hundreds of kisses
happy
is a distant memory
happy
was you
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je me fais belle
et je pense à toi
est-ce que ça lui plairait ?
les lumières de la soirée ondulent
et se multiplient en un arc-en-ciel de couleurs
chaque nuance met en valeur d’autres reliefs de ton visage
je t’aime
et je ne pense qu’à toi
tu es beau
je ris et je souris
il faut bien dissimuler mes vrais sentiments
pour ne pas affoler, ne pas faire de vagues
je ris et je souris
mais au fond de moi
je te pleure
toi et tout ce que je n’ai pas eu le droit de vivre
toi que j’aurais aimé comme jamais on ne t’aura aimé
tu ne sais pas ce que tu as raté
mais peut etre que tu le sais et que tu t’en fiches
que suis-je apres tout ?
je ne suis rien
je suis si minuscule
tout est lointain
tout s’éloigne et m’échappe
que suis-je ?
je suis loin et tu me manques
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isn’t it ironic
that the last things i should think about
are your blue eyes and your shy smile
the way you used to laugh with me
and how happy i was in your embrace
but all i can think about
are those very same things
and all i can do
is bleed these words
to try and get you out of my system
please, let me be rid of you
please, let me come back to you
and i know i fooled myself
and i know i’m also to blame
honey, oh, come back to me,
i need you
i crave your warm embrace
and your lips and your hands
we could never be the same again
but i can’t let go of this
i can’t fathom how bad it got
and all i do is dream of what we could have been
and forget how hurt i already was
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again and again
you bash my head against the wall
whispering: « it’s because i love you »
and again and again i sob
this is my fate
after all, you do it all for me, don’t you?
pouring words of affection,
excessive parades of niceties
but behind that mask is a nightmare
of broken dreams and frustrated bones
i’m not responsible for your failures
i’m not responsible for how bad you feel
you were supposed to raise me
but you did none of that
i had to learn all by myself
to mend what you broke
suffering long nights lost in agony
trying to convince me it wasn’t my fault
so you’ll have to suffer my rage
shut up, and listen
see my ribs that you’ve broken
my dreams shattered on the wooden floor
shut up, and plead for my forgiveness
I may grant it if you bleed enough
oh, how ignorant and naive i was
to feel bad for you, to make excuses for you
when all you did
was break me without even a second thought
did you hear me whimper
all those nights of loneliness
did you hear my screams
of pain and delusion, crawled up on the floor
waking up my neighbor
do you realize how fucked up you are
how you’ve fucked up every good thing that ever happened to you
and then whined when it disappeared?
you’re a coward
and to be fully honest
I hope you die
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and then you timidly said:
“it was all a lie”
and i think i see it now
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j’aurais pu t’aimer
j’aurais voulu être auprès de toi
toujours là
pour éponger tes plaies
pour te cajoler
j’aurais pu t’aimer de tout mon être
et vivre dans le creux de tes bras
nos doigts entrelacés
nos cœurs embrassés
la flamme embrasée
mais je t’aime déjà
je le sens naître en moi
doucement
et je me sens folle
mais je t’aime déjà
et tu n’es même plus là
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