aniwaggoner

[aniwaggoner]

Completed the long application process for the position I'm applying to. It's ready to hit submit, but I'm waiting for the second set of feedback on my cover letter before doing so. I've contacted my professional references and they've all enthusiastically agreed to be a reference, which makes me feel good. I still am in awe over the amount of support that I've received from my current team over this application and job search process. They are such beautiful people, and I've no idea why or how I've been so blessed to have them in my life. They are the type of person that I want to be for my students and for my team.

I had a comment from one of my students late last night who said, "Thank you so much for always being there for me. I appreciate it beyond words," and my heart melted when I saw it. I do my best to make sure that my students feel they are getting the support and attention that they need from me. They are the biggest reason why I love what I do so much. Watching them grow and develop in front of my very eyes, and being a part of that growth, that’s the greatest reward there is.

I found out that my main contact at Girls Inc is no longer with them, so I’m reconnecting with another one of the facilitators that I’ve worked with so I can get back working with them. I’m not able to do a lot because of my schedule, but whatever I can do I know is a huge help to not only them but the girls we serve. I think about my girls a lot (from my internship there) and wondering how they’re doing. They’d be going into sixth grade this year.

Things are good right now, so good. Mom’s cancer is going into remission, I’m graduating in 33 days with my Master of Social Work, I’m going to get to see my family for the first time in 2.5 years... I really can’t wait.

[aniwaggoner]

I need a break. Literally.

VOLS is wrapping up for the semester, but I’m already focusing on summer training for our incoming exec board, summer orientation, and finding guest speakers for our fall workshops and trainings.

I have two things I have to complete for Girls Inc, one which is nearly finished. I just need to change a few things up and add one lesson which is already planned out at least.

SAMSW is all policy. TXlege is almost done, and discriminatory bills are passing left and right. LGBTQIA+ youth are being attacked. Voting rights have been attacked. People with disabilities, especially those within nursing facilities have been attacked. We have had a few wins, but it never feels like it’s enough. We have 1 win and receive 3 losses.

Then classes...I am complete with Mental Health and Social Policy now. I gave my presentation last night on the 21st Century Cures Act and an analysis on how effective it’s been with its eating disorder legislation. Spoiler alert, it’s failed in many ways. I’m also working on my thesis presentation on asexuality and body image. Now that the policy analysis presentation is out of the way, I can really focus on this other one. I’ll be presenting it somewhere between 5/4 and 5/12. I have a neuroscience quiz and the final left, and then I’m done with that. Things are wrapping up.

In other news on why I need a break, we found out that my mom has cancer. Although they caught it early, it is an aggressive type. That has me worried despite the doctor saying they can get it into remission. It’s a good thing, don’t get me wrong, but it still plays with my mind.

How has everyone else been lately? I will say that there have been good things too, and honestly, I’m very happy with the work I’ve been doing. I would simply be amiss to say that life is incredible, when in reality, I’m barely even sleeping and probably on the edge of burnout.

[aniwaggoner]

Here's some hot tea, fresh brewed and bitter.

[aniwaggoner]

Welcome to the New Year of 2021 everyone. I’m a week late in saying it, but that’s okay. The first week of 2021 was filled with an extension of 2020. In fact, I might even say that 2021 doesn’t begin until January 20, and I even have concerns about that date and if we’ll end up seeing something even more atrocious than we did at the capital last week.

But that is only some of my concerns and worries going into this year. Being an empath has me all over the place with what happened at the capital, so it’s taking a toll on me mentally and physically with sleep difficulties.

Let’s move on.

Worries for 2021, at least the first half.

Will new professors be okay with me taking hybrid courses fully online?

VOLS Orientation planning and event

Internship with the LC

MY THESIS!!!!

Failing it all

Letting Sophia down (my thesis chair)

Paying my bills

Emailing Valerie about volunteering with my past internship

Completing Ruins of Alomere

ALL THE WRITING I HAVE TO DO!!! (Am I going to get tired of it, even though it’s my job???)

My skin which has broken out terribly around my chin and nose and the meeting I have on Friday, (and damn am I self-conscious about my skin when it’s THIS bad).

Listing them out is supposed to be helpful. Do I feel better? Slightly... I suppose.

What I managed to accomplish last year.

4.0 semester (4.0 overall GPA)

Finished my first fanfiction  - Finding You (Twilight-Volturi based)

Finished my first YA fantasy novel (Land of Shadows - can be read on Patreon)

Completed my foundation internship (which I was terrified about at first and ended up loving so much I’m going back to volunteer [and was asked to apply for a staff position, which I couldn’t because of being a fulltime grad student at the moment]).

Planned, organized, and led VOLS orientation last year (which went great!)

Wrote a three part program on body image for high school girls and facilitated it over the summer. (It’s now officially part of the programming).

Was accepted to and completed the Professional Skills Academy over the fall.

Secured my own internship placement (with my job) after not being able to find any other placement that could work with my “at-home” and “webcam” restrictions (though they wanted me and said I interviewed wonderfully [that was a shock!]).

Survived 2020.

That last one is extremely important. I’m sure there were more things, but those are the few that come to mind. It’s nice to help the worries with some good as well. These are the things that I did. These are the things that I know I can do. Deep breaths and remember, I can do this. I’ve got this.

In other news, it’s snowing today. =)

[aniwaggoner]

Chapter 19 of Ruins of Alomere is ready to be published at midnight tonight. I can’t believe how far this story has come in one year. Sometimes I feel extremely behind when others have their second or third books in progress when we started together, but then I realize, I’m also in insanely busy person. Plus, some of the most famous authors took years to write their first manuscripts. I’m in part 3 out of 4 on my book, almost 100k words. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.

That being said, I have paused on writing Illuminated it appears, though I will play catch up soon. No Prayer for the Lost (fanfiction) is also on hiatus along with All of You, which I had planned on starting back up in September. Unfortunately, COVID was still a thing, which meant life took a more extreme turn.

When you’re able to switch from one meeting to the next, meaning back to back bookings in order to feel productive, do you do it? I do.

I won’t lie and say it’s the best use of one’s time, because in some ways, I think it’s made me less productive in the long run. The short term effects are great, but in the long term, I realize that other things have fallen short (such as my writing).

Needless to say, I added another thing to my schedule. I was accepted into the Fall 2020 cohort for the Professional Skills Academy being offered through Lockheed Martin. I wasn’t expecting to be accepted, but I was. It starts in less than an hour, virtual of course.

I’ve been reading quite a bit for my thesis research, but I do need to play catchup for the last two days. I didn’t feel like reading anything at all. Maybe I can get one done today and read one each day over the weekend. That will be my five for the week.

I can’t say I have much more to add at this time. I’m glad the autumn weather is here. I’m sitting on my floor, sipping echinacea tea, just remembering that I need to renew my lease before the 17th, which is Saturday. I’ll try to do that first thing in the morning tomorrow.

In final news. GO VOTE!

[aniwaggoner]

Seriously, as a survivor of sex trafficking, you would think that it would be easy to report unsolicited comments and offers of being someone’s sugar baby, but it’s nothing more than triggering to see and to then report. I hope these rich, white men who are often the starts of these schemes burn in Hell. (And I’m Buddhist).

If you get any messages like this or comments, report them immediately! Do NOT engage!

[aniwaggoner]

I realized that I haven’t updated on here in forever. For more regular updates, please see my Twitter. Link on the side bar.

What is going on in my life:

I want to have a more authentic presence online, especially in a place that is actually a personal blog. This is the reason I have been somewhat disconnected from social media. Everyone always posts their highlights, and if they don’t post their highlights, they get crap from others saying how they shouldn’t be complaining. Social media isn’t the place for that.

The thing is, social media is a place where we can express ourselves, and people should be able to feel comfortable with being their authentic selves. Now, that’s not to say that we should share 100% of our lives with others online. There are still risks involved, but I think having an open and engaging conversation about things is okay. I think venting on a personal blog is okay. I think sharing that you’re struggling with making ends meet is okay.

While these don’t necessarily apply to me, I do know people who they do apply to, and they have received nothing but shame for sharing their struggles. This is what is not okay. With everything else going on in the world right now, do we still need bullies online and people reminding us, with easy and instant access, of how “worthless” we are?

Social media is stressful. Technology is stressful. During the 4.5 months I had away from the internet and my phone, I felt more in tune with the things around me and myself. I sometimes miss that freedom. I feel chained to my phone at times. It is always next to me. When I get a text or an email or a message from work or school, I instantly have to see what it says and oftentimes reply in the moment because that’s what’s expected in today’s world.

How much less stress could we experience if we didn’t have instant access to everyone in our contact’s list? I do miss the days of the landline phones, and while technology has brought many amazing things such as being able to Zoom and see my mom and my grandma when they’re 12 hours away, I sometimes wonder if the stress from them almost depletes the benefits.

Anyway, those are my random thoughts for the day, but this is what I have going on right now.

Work with the Leadership Center Work with NEDA 3 grad school classes (I’m being allowed to take my hybrid classes all online) 3 paid writing projects (2 novels and 1 script) 2 fandom writing projects (Twilight based) Work with another student organization, which is kind of all over the place Guest speaker for a diversity class on invisible disabilities (date TBD) Literature review for my Master’s Thesis

I’m still trying to sort out my schedule. As busy as I like to stay, I’m not so sure if it’s working for me right now. I have a meeting in just over an hour and then three classes tonight (all online but synchronous), and I have a chapter due to my editor by this weekend.

Being able to do all of this from home is a privilege, but at the same time, there are so many distractions. It becomes hard to concentrate on what I’m doing, and I want to do anything else. Truth is, I know I’m stressed. I know the world consistently finds ways of hurting people’s souls/spirits. I’m exhausted but those in the midst of it all are even more exhausted. Sometimes I wonder, can my heart, can my spirit handle this work that I’m getting myself into? Then again, I can’t stand idly by and do nothing when there is an opportunity to do something. Resilience is a difficult thing to build, but it is incredibly helpful once it has.

[aniwaggoner]

While people are inclined to whip out their phones and film when they see something alarming happening, those videos are not always recorded in a way that can be used as evidence in a legal proceeding or to support advocacy tactics.

At the human rights organization WITNESS, where I work as the senior U.S. program coordinator, we’ve learned that video has a greater chance of making an impact when it’s filmed ethically and strategically, and released in coordination with advocacy and legal efforts. Using the camera in your pocket can be a valuable way to ensure the world bears witness to abusive policing and systemic racism, help hold authorities accountable, and advocate for the real safety of our communities.

[aniwaggoner]

HOW TO DONATE TO BLM WHEN YOU HAVE NO MONEY

a black woman named zoe amira posted a video on youtube. this video is an hour long and filled with art and music from black creators. it has a ton of ads, and in result will rack up a ton of revenue. 100% of the ad revenue from the video will be dispersed between various blm organizations, including bail-out funds for protesters. it will be split between the following, dependent on necessity

brooklyn bail fund

minnesota freedom fund

atlanta action network

columbus freedom fund

louisville community bail fund

chicago bond

black visions collective

richmond community bail fund

the bail project inc

nw com bail fund

philadelphia bail fund

the korchhinski-parquet family gofundme

george floyd’s family gofundme

blacklivesmatter.com

reclaim the block

aclu

turn off your adblocker and put the video on repeat. do not skip ads. let it play on loop whether you’re listening or not. mute the tab if you need to focus elsewhere. but let. it. play.

youtube will donate to blm for you.

please, please reblog. for people who don’t have money to spare, this is incredibly important information to have.

[aniwaggoner]

From my task supervisor at Girls, Inc. She makes me so happy, and she's such an incredible woman. I really hope we get to work together again soon. https://www.instagram.com/p/B_8HlwrjznEOMcCVZ50JgtCpzOGv1RC-OhxGSQ0/?igshid=mtzunq0kds00

[aniwaggoner]

I've been leaving fun little notes for my delivery driver. By the way, when you're writing a vampire novel and want to get into character, pineapple juice is a great substitute for extra strong plasma. Thanks @imperfectfoods for all you continue to do! https://www.instagram.com/p/B-7pIQujW-_q_peeq4WAhN8V-jZdD5AZNfGB580/?igshid=1olxbat5lz9wh

[aniwaggoner]

In class right now, online synchronous session since our campus went all online for the rest of the semester. My issue, there’s no visual. He’s only speaking, and as you can see, I’m distracted. I can’t follow what’s being said anyway.

He finally figured out how to share the screen! This is so much better!

We’re discussing experimental design. It’s interesting, but I love research.

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I want to start doing weekly videos, maybe on Mondays for #motivationmonday I used to do something like that a few years ago, but I stopped. It would be a good routine to get into, especially since we’re all at home, for the most part, right now anyway.

I did my first BTS video the other day for Ruins of Alomere. 16 minutes of my writing process and a view of the original map. I’m more excited about the BTS for chapter 6 and 7, especially chapter 7. That process was...yes.

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Hopefully, everyone is doing well! I’m trying to keep up with all of my writing and my internship hours, while practicing self-care. I’ll admit that I need to take more of my own advice when it comes to sleep.

I’ve been taking plenty of bubble baths! I’ve also played my share of World of Warcraft. A friend recommended a show for me to watch, I’ve been watching some Shakespeare again, and I’ve been checking in on family and a mentor of mine from undergrad. Writing, some days, even falls under self-care because it’s something that I enjoy doing.

Self-care is an important part of our routines, but is especially essential right now during this time of social distancing to keep our mental health from deteriorating. As humans, we were built for connection. We are naturally social beings, even if you consider yourself an introvert like I do. Just remember, this pandemic seems like it’s not going to go away, but eventually, it will end. Some days, it’s harder to stay positive than others, and that’s when our self-care comes in handy.

Stay safe everyone and be well!

[aniwaggoner]

Hey, I just want everyone to know that what the world is going through is a legitimate trauma. Full on. It fits the “official” definition and everything. This is a traumatic event.

That means that it’s normal and expected to find yourself using coping mechanisms that you thought you were done with, to find yourself numbed out, to be on the verge of constant panic attacks, to be acting impulsively and compulsively, to engage in very old patterns, to have wide swings of every behaviour especially regarding sleep, food, and sex.

The research shows that people in a traumatic situation who most often develop PTSD (which I would say we are all at risk of) or have their existing PTSD/C-PTSD intensified are folks who cannot or believe they cannot do anything about it the trauma event.

So, if you are able, look for a place in all of this where you can feel that you can do something. Harass a company not doing enough for its employees, sign a petition, check in on a neighbour, set alarms to remind yourself to eat (it’s on my own to do list for today), intentionally spend time every day doing straw breathing to shift your sympathetic nervous system response. You don’t have to become some social media hero, or spend all your time improving yourself. But if you can find something that makes you feel like you can do something for yourself that decreases the trauma load on you, it will greatly benefit you going forward.

If anyone has any questions about this, my asks are open, or you can message me. (I cannot do any online therapy, I am happy to share information about trauma itself and any tools that I know)

It is okay to reblog this.

- Registered Clinical Counsellor, with 10+ years specifically working with trauma

[aniwaggoner]

While millions of people are staying home to reduce the spread of COVID-19, Scribd is making our digital library of ebooks and audiobooks free for everyone: scribd.com/readfree 

🤩T A G G I N G E V E R Y O N E🤩  

[aniwaggoner]

Free Audible (Limited)

In case anyone is interested, while schools are closed, Audible is offering free audiobooks on their site here.

There’s not a crazy list and most books are geared for kids, which is great, but there are some classics on there that I might be reading again. Be sure to check it out! Registration not required. Just click and enjoy!

[aniwaggoner]

Kind of miss these people a lot @uta.volunteers (at The University of Texas at Arlington) https://www.instagram.com/p/B908GJwJMdoQwvdV6_1dsevMynPgUeYZ3Tkpeg0/?igshid=1q6u4hpaar72l

[aniwaggoner]

Update on social work stuff:

I had to call Washington DC today to speak to someone, and they were busy at the time. They took down my name and my number and what I was calling about, said they would contact me back, but I heard nothing back. Therefore, they better be prepared to be bombarded by phone calls starting at 8am CST until someone finally gets me that meeting confirmation. I’ve been working on this for two weeks now, and I keep getting the runaround.

That’s even more reason to keep pushing to get this meeting set.

I can play the game, too.

Constituents have power. Make your voice heard.