aneditedheart-blog

[aneditedheart-blog]

S4 AU: Skye breaking into one of Ward’s safehouses while on the run and seeking the help she doesn’t want to admit that she needs. 

[aneditedheart-blog]

Group hug!

[aneditedheart-blog]

[aneditedheart-blog]

[aneditedheart-blog]

_(:3｣∠)_

[aneditedheart-blog]

this is straight up 100% canon proof that clark loves bruce

[aneditedheart-blog]

Lois Lane: choose me Clark! I am what keeps you in touch with your humanity! We are the perfect team! You got me, but who's got you?? I do!

Wonder Woman: choose me Kal! We represent the greatest good of this world! Our legacy will never die, as well as our love!

Superman: uh...uhm...

Batman: alien! We need to talk.

Superman: you had me at "alien".

[aneditedheart-blog]

Me

I’m afraid of being aromantic and asexual.  I mean, I have limited experience with romance and sex, but what I’ve had just turns me off.  And I don’t mean that in the colloquial sense.  I just kinda shut down.  I stop enjoying it.  I get really uncomfortable and start resenting those things.  

If it’s a relationship, I stop caring about that person.  Doesn’t matter if I’ve previously wanted to date them for a year.  Once we’re dating, I don’t want any romance.  It starts to gross me out, adding to my stress, and then I stop caring about the person completely.

I’ve just chalked it up to bad experiences but, thinking about it?  I’ve never had romantic feelings for an actual person.  I’ve had one gigantic celebrity crush, and all interest in real people I actually intereact with only extends to how I perceive them with incomplete data: how I’ve made them up to be in my head.

If it’s sex, I know I have a sex drive.  I masturbate frequently.  But I don’t like using toys or experimenting.  I’ve just done the same thing, even the same stimuli, for 17 years. And I haven’t liked sex with other people.  Pretty much, once people are introduced to the equation it’s too bothersome to want sex anymore.  

I’ve identified as semisexual.  Since I do have a sex drive, but it’s just very limited.  I’m comfortable with that definition of myself.

I know being asexual or aromantic isn’t wrong.  I just...  It’s always been in my plan of my life to have a romantic and sexual partner--I’m pretty non-monogomous, so that desn’t even have to be just one person.  But...  I never thought I’d be so disconnected with people.  I’m good with relatioships at familial or friendly levels.  I’ve maintained close friendships that have lasted for over ten years!

I’m not saying that I’m jumping the gun and deciding that my life is ruined because I identify with something I wasn’t prepared for; I’m saying that I’m worried about finding that a preconceived definition of my life might be wrong.

I’m just... overthinking.  Usually I do it in my head until it sorts itself out.  But here’s an unedited heart, so...

Me.  Again.  Here.

[aneditedheart-blog]

Goodnight

I’ve got lots to say, but I need to sleep.  I’m going to Six Flags with my sister, tomorrow.  Well, in four hours.   Truthfully, I’ll probably write a lot for the first few days, then fizzle out.  That’s how I seem to operate.  Capricorn for the win!

[aneditedheart-blog]

Let’s Try

I want to have a place where I can share my every thought.  Pretty much.  Not writing down my thoughts hasn’t been working.  I need people to know.  Even if no one reads this.  Though I hope they will.

I wrote this and posted it elsewhere, and it pretty much explains why I’m trying this.

:

I wish I could tell you what I want to say.  But I'll never be able to.  Society won't allow it.  If I say what I think and feel, then I become insensitive, arrogant, and attention-seeking.  I wish it was acceptable for people to ACTUALLY KNOW ME.

I will now reel back the drama and state that I realize that there are people who know me, people who think they know me, people who want to know me, and people who think they want to know me.

If I never edited what I wanted to say, then there'd be so much to know.

I used to have a TERRIBLE brain-to-mouth filter.

Now I'm constantly weighing what I say.  And I have weaker friendships--as judged by my perception.

I have so much to say, and I'm only allowed to give you the bare bones, the censored version.

So keep on with your life.  And do what you do.  And live how you want.  And love everything you can.

I seem to only post about myself: about MY life and MY thoughts and MY in-jokes that only I understand.  I build this definition of myself higher and higher and let you see what I think you can handle.

:

So I will try to treat this Tumblr like my sister and tell it EVERYTHING.  Let’s see how that goes.