andryu

[andryu]

The Catskills

On Saturday, Melissa took me to Hunter mountain up in the Catskills in New York and we went snowboarding. We took the Kaatskill Lift 1500 feet up and 5400 feet away from the bottom to the top of the mountain, and for the first time in nearly 8 years, I snowboarded! Luckily, Melissa had recommended I buy the proper safety gear beforehand- baselayers, snowboarding socks, gloves, knee pads, crash pants, and a balaclava, so I was able to stay warm, stay padded up, and stay safe.

Now that I’m 35 years old, all of those extra pads really made a huge difference. My feet were freezing, but luckily I was able to buy some toe warmers when we waited in a 2 hr line to rent a board and snowboarding boots. That’s right, it took us 2 fucking hours to get our rentals. We should’ve gone off the ski resort to rent our gear. And I should’ve bought hand warmers and toe warmers on Amazon in advanced. Lesson learned.

So after arriving at 10am to pick up our lift passes and subsequently waiting 2 hours for my rental equipment (I felt so bad for Mely because she already had all her equipment and shouldn’t have given up 3-4 potential runs for me) we hit the Kaatskill Flyer and rode it 5400 feet to the top of the mountain. We took the blue route- Belt Parkway, all the way down. It was the biggest hill I’ve ever snowboarded, and needless to say it took some warming up to for me to get my bearings and get back into the groove of snowboarding.

Luckily for me, I had Mely there to look after me and give me constructive criticism along the way. Every time I fell, she sat down and gave me feedback. I love her so much for that. She never left me behind, despite having countless opportunities to do so. I on the other hand, when finally getting my groove back, would fly by her after she fell. I’m an asshole for that.

That night the group went to grab beers and eat at the Hunter Brewery where I had French Onion Soup and BBQ chicken with a side of squash and mashed potatoes. It was alright, all things considered. Can’t expect too much from a remote restaurant, ya know?

After dinner Mely and I stayed 5 minutes away at a local inn and we binge watched 5 episodes of Archive81. Per Andrew’s recommendation, it was a really good and suspenseful thriller of a tv show. It felt very comforting being able to recover and relax with my baby girl. There’s no one else I would of rather spent my weekend with, than el amor de mi vida.

[andryu]

The Beauty of Fear

If it can change you

If it can make you feel fear

It can become art

- Amori 01/14/2019

I just had the most vivid dream. I was walking with my dog Royce in what seemed like a distopian version of Camarillo in the 1990’s. We were walking along the frontage road between Central Ave and what now is the Springville exit across from the 101 on the airport side. In what I remembered used to be open fields, was now neatly filled with uniquely organized piles containing abnormally large pieces of structures. There was for example chunks of a parking structure, large preserved pieces of a red radio tower, a pile of underground pools, fully in tact. Massively large chunks, so much that you can still recognize what each pile used to be. There were large structures of trees that I had not seen before in my life as well. There was one that resembled cauliflower but 50 feet wide. Another resembled these Jacobaea plants that my mom used to grow, but again, 4+ stories tall. One pile of trees in particular caught my eye as its trunks shined with a crimson red, it’s leaves with a royal blue, and its flowers with a golden yellow like something out of a south East Asian rain forest. And while Royce and I were walking along the road avoiding cars with the occasional “Royce stay close to me” followed by “good boy,” as the cars would pass and Royce would safely stay by my side, I heard a voice from under one of the piles of oversized forestry. “What’d you say?” A man yelled, muffled by the piles of red tree trunks

His face was covered in red and blue camouflage to match the surroundings he was waiting for me in. He scared the living shit out of me, and what happened next was a result of my arrogance that this would just be yet another futile encounter with a homeless man. How naive I was to think that that was the case. I responded to the man, “nothing” as one usually does while nodding your head “no” to a homeless man, you know the natural instinct when they approach you in a way that makes you feel threatened. In this situation it was especially discomforting because he was covered in odd shades of camaflouge, like he had well thought through this scenario in ways that I had not.

In this moment I was genuinely frightened and fearful for my life. The man proceeded to stand up and began walking toward me. He yelled “do you have anything I can cut up and eat?” to which I replied “no, nothing.” I began increasing the pace in which I escaped the uncomfortable encounter, when I heard the man yell “oh yeah? BUT I THINK YOU DO!” Startled, I glanced back at him, his eyes demonic from starvation, beginning to rise from his shelter of oversized rubble like the devil from the depths of hell. It was as if everything happened in slow motion- my adrenaline kicking in as I started sprinting while this hungry hungry homeless man rose from his ashes with a flawlessly shiny and sharp cooking knife and began quickly pacing toward me. I was so sure that I had been running so fast that I would lose him. I didn’t. Have you ever stopped to question how much faster and how longer you would have to run to actually escape from someone chasing after you? Put it this way- when I drive like an asshole and pass cars on the freeway for 5 minutes nonstop, the car I first passed a couple minutes ago is still only a few hundred meters behind me. So needless to say, I did not escape this situation.

The homeless man was in surprisingly great shape and began sprinting right after me with the sharpest cooking blade I had ever seen a homeless man wield. His eyes and teeth were white amongst his fully red and blue camaflouged outfit, and I suddenly realized in that moment that I had one of three options.

1) Keep sprinting and hope that I escape him. I risk getting cut up into pieces if I fail.

2) Negotiate with this homeless terrorist and offer up my dog so I can spare my life.

3) Stop running face the music and try to fight this man.

Side note: trying to escape a life or death situation is nothing like the movies. You get cramps. You’re out of shape. You run out of breath easily. When was the last time any adult over the age of 25 has fully sprinted in their lives for longer than 1 minute? When your were in high school? Yeah, you’re not going to run away from jack shit, either.

Moments before my legs were about to cramp up and give out, I decided with Option 3. I faced the man, stance ready to defend myself and my dog, confident that I would fuck this guy up. Except he kept sprinting at me, charging at me full speed with what seemed to be an ever growing cooking knife as he got closer and closer to me.

In the moments before my death, I realized how futile option 3 was, considering I had zero fighting skills. Zero experience with defending against knife attacks. And zero hand to hand defense combat training, all of which this Vietnam Veteran had against me. I knew he was a Vietnam Veteran because I had just now recognized the colors he was painted with were consistent with the Viet Cong flag. In the moment of my death, I realized, that it’s not only Vietnamese people that enjoy eating dog as a delicacy. But Veterans from Vietnam enjoy dogs and their owners as delicacies as well. I should of gone with option 2.

The end.

[andryu]

The fresh smell of roses, it's frozen still My heart was incomplete, until the roses fell She told a spell, my life from as cold as hell Into a warmth so great, only the heavens could tell.

[andryu]

The Beautiful Kiss

Silent affection In a world full of noise when our masks determine our poise, we find satisfaction in silence, in the absence of the noise. The turmoil of sounds, that surround our grounds, find solemn in the silence, in a moment so profound. A single kiss beyond words, carries my heart into the clouds, where all doubt is shrouded, and my reality seems absurd. The silence of affection, sweet and savory to perfection, a moment dedicated to bliss, in the form, of the most beautiful kiss.

[andryu]

Second Chances

5 years ago I started dating my high school crush, albeit bad timing, impatience, and negligence. It was bad timing because she was newly single from a long term relationship. It involved impatience because rather than confidently standing by her side while she took time and space to move on, I rushed into a premature relationship to avoid my fear of wasting time standing by with the result of being rejected. Actions based on fear will result in failure, loss, and regret. It involved negligence because despite the solid advice from my friends, and even my own conscious, I chose to neglect what I knew was right and acted impulsively which led to even more failure, loss, and regret.

As much as I am trying to not overthink things, I can’t help but recall the mistakes I made 5 years ago and think about ways to avoid repeating them. This reminder occupies my conscious to the point where I either go with the flow and ignore my instinctual arrogance or I consider my lessons and advice until I overwhelm myself with hypotheticals and get lost in worry and paranoia. I’m writing my thoughts now so I can find a balance between blindly going with the flow of emotional impulse and conscientious overload.

I have a much better understanding of how I can find my balance. Going with the flow will work against the presence of expectations, disappointment, complacency, arrogance, and selfishness. Being conscientious of my past mistakes and mindful of my wisdom and experiences will work against my insecurities, doubt, negligence, and my weaknesses.

Embrace the positive + Resist the negative + Listen to understand + Avoid repeating your past mistakes + go with the flow + Seize the day + Live for the moment + Be aware = A lifetime of infinite love, happiness, gratitude, prosperity, inspiration, success, growth, and value. 🙊🙉🙈

Oct. 14, 2016 5:38am @ Home

[andryu]

Checking In

I was once told by a multi millionaire that once I reached the "100 hour work week" (roughly 15 hours of work a day), that I would see the world from an entirely new perspective as an entrepreneur. This year has been full of such weeks, and I'm so happy to share my successes with my family, friends, and my clients, old and new, as I begin the next stage in my photography career, which is buying my time back, hiring on new assistants, and taking on even more photoshoots. As of June, I have already photographed as many shoots as I did in 2015, so believe me when I say that anything is possible when you apply yourself to the fullest toward your dreams. Don't settle, don't give up, and don't compromise.  

[andryu]

The Life Paradox

MTV said it best, “You think you know, but you have no idea.” Let’s start with the latter portion of that statement. Think back to an instance, a situation, when you were believed to be responsible for a particularly (typically negative) outcome. What is our initial form of defense? “You have no idea.” 

Now let’s build on that, but approach it with a introspective view. When’s the last time you saw someone, met someone, or listened to someone that seemed to be held back by a limitation you have personally overcome through your experiences? What is our initial form of defense when we’re no heard? Believe me, I know. 

Nah dude. You think you know, but you have no idea. The outcomes of our good intentions should never require explanation, validation, or proof. If your intentions are good, then your outcome should also be good. If it’s not, then take a moment to self-reflect and reassess your true intentions. If you think your intentions are genuine, but your outcome fails to meet your expectations, then the only solution is to shift your expectations (sometimes even 180 degrees) to be able to more accurately assess the cause of your failure. This requires humility, which I believe is the second most important characteristic a human being can have, after a strong ability to assess situations. 

It’s ironic actually, I’m over here writing like I’m Tony Robins. I assess this situation the way I do because of the knowledge I’ve gathered from motivational figures I’ve encountered. But at the end of the day, my own naivety of thinking I know, will inevitably result in me being proven that I have no idea. -Amor!

[andryu]

Anyway, What Was I Talking About?

I spend a substantial amount of my time self reflecting about my behaviors, my habits, and my insecurities. On the positive side of the spectrum, it's beneficial in helping me understand the whys how's and what's occupying my mind. On the negative side, I've developed this superiority mentality where I correct people and answer their whys how's and what's, often unwarranted. Deep down, I believe that I do it genuinely from my heart. But when it's underneath bragging, talking about what I know and how it's better than what they know, and not listening to what the other person is saying- my efforts are completely 1000% wasted. No matter how genuine my intentions are, no one cares to listen to me because frankly I never allowed the opportunity to be heard to exist in the first place. I believe that all insecurities derive from how we perceived destructive experiences in our pasts. In a way, our insecurities exist to conceal our pain and mask it in the form of common, shallow problems. For example, growing up is never had much of a voice. I always felt like my family didn't care about me and didn't love me. This was proven by my dad not letting me watch TV, my mom not buying me toys, and me not getting what I wanted. Instead of perceiving that experience in a constructive manner, i.e. being grateful that I'm an active person, I work hard for what I want, and have enough discipline to set and reach my goals, I saw it as no one cared about me and I was always left out. I perceived that experience growing up destructively, and it's evolved into the issues I mentioned above. My fear of not being cared about has developed my character into one of boasting and self centeredness, two traits that ironically result in not being cared about. So now that I'm aware of that. What will I do? 1st. Stop talking about myself. What I've experienced doesn't matter to people unless I've EARNED the opportunity to speak and share my thoughts. How do I earn it? I GET ASKED. Simple. 2nd. Don't overdo responses. Once Shaydon starts giving the backstory of one of his stories, I check out after 1 minute. Share the microphone equally. If you speak on it less, you win! 3. Keep things mysterious. It's a great characteristic to emulate. Leave them wanting more as opposed to wanting to leave more. If they want more and you give more, they'll leave with all of it. If they don't want more and you give more, they'll leave it all behind. 4. Keep a journal of what you listen to from people. If they take the time to share it with me, it's important to them. Don't take that for granted. What's important to me will never be of value until I make the effort to value what's important to others. 5. Have a easily memorable set of responses that will help me listen MORE and learn MORE. If I truly believe that no one knows shit about anything, then I must be the first to listen to go in the opposite direction. BENEFITS: 1. I'll become humbler and more modest than I could have ever imagined. 2. I'll become a man defined by my actions, not by my words. This has an added bonus which is that once I'm a man of action, words won't have nearly as much of an affect over my actions as they do now. 3. I'll become more emotionally stable. I'll have control over what I do, how I do it, when I do it, and why I do it. I won't fall weak to being heard, valued or validated. 4. I'll connect with everyone on a much deeper and more personal level. I'll genuinely care about people and learn so much about them, what they struggle with, what they believe in, and what role those play in their lives. 5. I'll stop judging people. I'll stop thinking I know everything already. I'll be valued, cared about, and heard.

[andryu]

Last year I concluded my first truth, which was that I do not know shit. This year I have concluded my second truth, which is that my purpose in life is to learn.

Andrew Mori, 01/21/2015

[andryu]

Periodicalities

We think we know, but we don’t know shit.

Another long talk with Shaydon in the books. It was probably the 10th one since summer ended. As always, we spent 8+ hours dissecting our behaviors, our bad habits, and our intentions. The conclusion was ironic.

100+ hours talking. Analyzing. Unraveling. I would think about writing down our conversations like I did in August. I’m glad I didn’t. What’s important is that I am now.

We reached the end of the tunnel. We finally succeeded in understanding the truth about life. In all its perceived complexity, here is what we determined:

1 | We don’t know shit. This last conversation Shaydon brought up that the reason why I was so opinionated about his behavior is because I’m insecure and stubborn. I told him that I truly wanted to see him happy. He felt like an asshole. I confessed to him that I felt that every time we hung out, that he was escaping from his reality by getting inebriated. I told him that I felt like it was an escape. This has been the foundation of my judgements in our conversations, my opinions against his beliefs, and my reasoning behind my advice to him. He turned to me and said “I get faded because I really enjoy hanging out, and it’s the only time in my week that I have to spend with my boys.” I felt like an asshole.

2 | Life is a struggle between doing and not wanting to do. There are no excuses. There are no reasons. If your desire to want to do something outweighs your desire not to do it, then you will do it. Too often do we make excuses to hide the fact that we simply don’t want to do it. Planning or waiting should not be used as excuses. If you want to do it… then you will get it done.

3 | The structure of our success is based on the procedure we each follow to overcome our fears. Example: I fear public speaking. It makes me feel nervous, intimidated, cowardly. So I signed up for a public speaking group and tackled it head on.

For my first speech, I spent hours rehearsing, writing, timing, and revising. The day of my speech, I blanked. My mind was overflowing with thoughts and first draft sentences. This method, the “over calculating” didn’t work.

The next speech I said ‘fuck it’ and spoke on a topic I was comfortable speaking about. There was more fluff than there were concrete points. This “bullshit” method was better than the over calculating. But it still wasn’t great.

My third speech I met my methodologies in the middle. I thought up my intro (and conclusion) beforehand. Thought up the 3 main points I would present, and thought up how I would go about connecting them. I kept my outline simple so my mind wouldn’t overload. This “outline” method was unprecedented. It made me confident enough with my speech without putting too much stress on my mind.

I overcame my fear of public speaking in 2013 completing 7 more speeches utilizing my outline method. It has taken 18 months since to realize that, whether consciously or unconsciously, this outline method is what I've followed for the last 5 years in other parts of my life. My security company, my photography company- both are proven examples of this “Outline” method. I didn’t have business plans. I didn’t know how big the companies would grow or how much money they would generate. I just always knew to 1. Never stop making moves toward my dreams, even if I don’t know how I’ll reach them. 2. Never stop improving. 3. Do it for no one else but me.

I’m currently generating around $90k a year and will break $100k in 2015. I could never have calculated how to get here. All I’ve known is that I will be a millionaire by 30. Shoot for the stars and you’ll land on the moon! Let the rest figure itself out.

I’ve got my financial foundation built. Next up is my health. Each pound I shed, each time I break my personal records- those are equivalent to signing new contracts and building up my income. I never signed contracts staying at home. I did not make 6 figures staying at home. I will not achieve my physical goals by staying at home either. How bad do you want to do it.

[andryu]

A foundation built upon humility...

The most important promises I will make in my life are the promises I make to myself. Today I am making a promise to my future self. I have what it takes to be in amazing shape. I will only drink water, follow my meal plan, wake up at 5:30am, and go to the gym six days a week. I will train with Josh 3x a week from November 1st 2014 until April 30th 2015. My inspirations are Daniel Whaley and Byron Bucao, since they were at one point heavier and made a commitment to themselves and their health to lose weight and take care of their bodies. I will take care of my body, and I will maintain fantastic health. It will not be easy, and it shouldn't be, because if it was, everyone would have six pack abs. I have proven that I have what it takes to wake up at 7am daily for 2 weeks for work. Now I will challenge myself to waking up at 5:30am. My schedule will be as follows: 5:30am wake up, drink green tea and lemon. 20oz of water. Cook / eat breakfast. 6:30am gym training with Josh 8:00am shower at LA Fitness 8:20am eat breakfast / grab coffee / photo emails 9:00am Archon I will achieve half of my body fat percentage (~30%) in the next 3 months. And half of that (15%) in the 3 months after that. I will not cut my hair and I will complete the tattoos on my left arm along the way.

[andryu]

My First Destination Wedding

Things are getting pretty awesome. Next Tuesday at midnight I will embark on my first Destination Wedding...!!! I'm going to utilize this blog not only as a place to put my thoughts, but also as the most comprehensive check list I've ever made. To start:

D800

Flash Triggers x2

Back up Batteries for Each Trigger (bought)

20x AA Batteries (bought)

Tri-Trigger Flash Holder (bought)

300 LED Video Light (bought)

70-200, 28mm, 80mm (rented)

2x stands

2x brackets (1 have, 1 bought)

4 new umbrellas.

SD / CF cards

2x Flashes

14-24mm, 24-70mm

[andryu]

Halloween

It's Halloween. It's the first time I thought of an experimental photoshoot on my own, and followed through with it. It's not anything crazy, or at least I didn't think it was. I decided today to setup my photography stuff in my garage and host a photobooth for the trick or treaters in the neighborhood. I can't really say whether or not it's been a success considering it's still 9PM, but if half of the ones that took photos follow up with me, and 1 or 2 of those decide to hire me in the future, then it was a success! 3 or 4 and it's a MAJOR success :)

[andryu]

Talking to Myself

I've been sick for 5 days. I can't recall the last time when I grew sick within a one month period. I believe it may be the tail end of my "cigarette withdrawals." This week has been rough, the coughing spasms were the worst they've been since I quit cigarettes. But it also may have been due to the fact that I continued blazing it until 3 days ago. Though the 3 days was slow, lifeless- here I am back at it. I smoked my first bowl today since before the spasms. I'm still a little congested, but even so, today I felt what it was like to finally be free from cigarettes. I'm at the tail end of my withdrawals.

The hit was clean, clear, and under control. Like a Neutrogena commercial. I'm listening to this amazing Chill Party playlist on Spotify and it's really amazing. Did I say it was amazing? Because it is. It's triple the amazing. 

I have $3 in my bank account. I spent $380 at Target yesterday and somehow managed to spend another $120 today. I need to quit Target like I quit cigarettes. Today before Target I had spent 2 hours with Josh Cohn at WinCo buying a week's worth of food for $80. And minutes later I dropped $120 at Target on kitchen stuff. Target is a disease.

I need to go to the bank tonight and replenish my accounts. I have officially leveled up my existence by purchasing nice upgrades for the things I already do on a daily basis. For example, I bought $100 bed sheets, and holy monster balls is it soft. I have never felt so cool yet so cozy. Bombest sleep I've ever had on my Temperpeudtic. Oh yeah, the bed I paid $3000 for two years ago that has had the same $40 sheet on them since. What the fuck Andrew. What were you thinking?

No more of that good for you. It's cramping your growth. Level yourself up and do the right thing. If you cut your hair, clean that shit up right after. If you don't plan for 10 minutes to clean, then cutting your hair can wait.

Upgrade your hat homie. The cheap straw hat doesn't match anything. Step your hat game up like you stepped your bed game up. Graduate from that which was college. You are a grown ass man and it's time to be that certified G that you always knew you'd be.

Smoke every night to celebrate a great day. Allow yourself some time to spend building your businesses. Create a SquareSpace site for Kush and Caviar, create a SquareSpace site for amori Photography (skyline Los Angeles silhouette with letters for website top banner). Also include amoriweddings, vcestates, and amoriphoto.

[andryu]

In Health...

It has been 3 weeks since I crushed up my last pack of cigarettes. That weekend with Tassha and Christina followed by the Fantasy Football draft day was one of the worst things I've ever done to my body. I think I smoked through 2 packs of cigarettes in 3 days. It was definitely not the business.'

The most influential piece of information that has helped me quit was this infographic that showed what happens to your body over certain periods of time when you quit cigarettes. Those were:

In 8 hours: excess carbon monoxide is out of your blood.

In 5 days: most nicotine is out of your body.

In 1 week: your sense of taste and smell improves.

In 12 weeks: your lungs regain the ability to clean themselves

In 3 months: your lung function begins to improve

In 12 months: your risk of heart disease has halved

In 5 years: your risk of a stroke has dramatically decreased.

So, as you can see, quitting cigarettes was more so of regaining control over my body and revitalizing my body's ability to take care of itself. Even 3 weeks in, I've still got that morning cough I'd have after 8 hours of not smoking. Normally, I would resort to smoking a cigarette to cover my lungs with tar and control the cough. But not this time :)

The weekend after the 11 girl party bus to Hollywood was Made in America. Holy smokes... Kendrick Lamar and John Mayer blew my away! Other notable artists were Capital Cities, Imagine Dragons and Borgore. It was such an unbelievable experience to be able to party with so many great friends on the streets of downtown LA. There were a few firsts for me that weekend. The most important 2 being that it was the first music festival I went through without smoking a single cigarette, and that it was the first music festival that I fully enjoyed from beginning to end. Even the after partying at the hotel made me happy. All in all, I had a fucking blast. And I don't think I can really say that about any other festivals in the past.

I think that it really came down to the conversation between Shaydon and I, and I and Byron (ref. 'Fundamental Solutions' blog). Ever since that conversation with them, something deep inside of my mind changed. Something that makes me want to be a better person, not for anyone else, for solely because I am capable of doing so. Why choose negativity? Why choose pessimism? Why choose pain? As human beings, we are empowered to choose how we perceive what happens to us. 

After that conversation, I have consciously chosen to be happy. To enjoy the moment I'm in. To spend quality time with friends. To be more giving. To be more thoughtful. To enjoy the weather of the day no matter what it's like. To follow through with my word when it comes to my responsibilities. 

I sit here now looking back and smiling, because I have lived up the last 3 weeks as if it was my last. And I will continue living that way for the rest of my life. It's so satisfying and relieving to know that I finally figured it out :)

In 3 weeks, I've also focused more on eliminating soda from my diet, completely eliminating fast food, and cooking my own meals. I started at 216 lbs in March / April of this year, and pretty much stuck around that weight for the summer. I noticed that my ankles would hurt from all the weight on them, so I'd need to sit down every chance I got. This wasn't good because then I wouldn't be physically engaged with those around me. After the first 2 weeks of no smoking and no fast food / soda, I was down to 202 lbs. I was so close to breaking 200! I weighed myself for 3 days and each day I was 202 :( so I took a break from the scale.

This morning when I weighed myself, I was 198 :) I finally broke 200! Now that the hard part is over, the eating lean, drinking more water, and exercising (which I didn't even have to do to lose the first 18 lbs) is going to be so so so much easier. It was so hard to work out and be gassed, feel heavy on my feet, and follow up my workout with a fucking cigarette and some fast food. I knew that if I was going to work out, I need to change my foundation, and beyond my physical foundation was my mental, emotional, and spiritual foundations. And I am happy to say that I have began rebuilding those.

Some memories to file: Made in America Sunday was the first day I wore a straw fedora hat. It was Karla's, so it was a girl's hat, but I did get some good looks from gorgeous girls. Friday 09/05/14 Byron invited me out to DTLA and we hit up Echoplex. Amazing hip-hop and trap music. Kamilah Alegre came out which was super fucking cool because she was keeping the party alive and the vibes fun. My photoshoot with the Senior Make a Wish Foundation on 09/06/14 was a huge success. Captain Rodge was a WWII Air Force Veteran who's wish was to fly in his old fight plane. It was an honor to be able to capture so many beautiful moments. That day I went to the Camarillo Outlets to find my own straw hat, which after 3 hours and 20 stores later I found! I also upgraded my wardrobe, which was a nice change of pace from Tilly's. Sorry Tilly's, I don't think I'm going to shop with you anymore. Lastly, on 09/09/14 the White PS4 Destiny Edition released. By some crazy chance, not only did I book an event that completely paid for the white PS4, but Kevin (Doodle) had called me the day after I booked my photoshoot to tell me that he had an extra system on presale that just became available. The combination of everything that's gone down in the last few weeks has just been.... phenomenal. 

I truly am living the dream...

[andryu]

In sickness...

I'm sick. I've had a bad cough since last Thursday / Friday. Friday was pretty ridiculous. I joined Christina Brophy (through my homegirl Tassha) and 11 other girls on a party bus to Hollywood. Needless to say I got trashed, and my body took a toll. If that wasn't bad enough, I stayed up all night Friday afterward so I didn't miss my Fantasy Football draft at Tim and Sepideh's. On Saturday at 11AM I drove to their place, exhausted, hungry, and hungover, and continued drinking. Bad idea Andrew... really bad idea. I would doze off every now and then. I didn't have much to eat, but was taking shots of Absolute Vodka. Another really bad call. We finished the draft (I auto-drafted a pretty sweet team, I think) and headed to the beach, where I jumped into the ocean water without hessitation. At the moment, it felt fucking fantastic, but I think that it is what really brought my illness to the next level. Not to mention the 2 wings I ate and the couple spoonfuls of mac and cheese. As soon as we replenished the alcohol with Seagrams Gin (Tim's idea) and I took a shot, that food came up. So did nothing for a good 20 minutes. Just dry-heaving like a mofo, sweating like a mofo, feeling dead like a mofo. Shit sucked. When Shaydon and I were leaving, I started throwing up yellow bile. That was a first. I was so trashed, I knocked out Saturday at 7PM and woke up Sunday at 5:30AM and started taking care of shit.

Sunday was a great day, considering I signed Gonzalo and Chella's wedding, sold 3 tickets to Made in America, and got a refund check from the County of Ventura for my mortgage. Sunday was a REALLY great day. I came home from lunch with Beto, Andrew & Sam, and laid down. I think that's where it started getting worse. I had no blanket, the fan on full blast, and the window wide open. I knocked out around 9PM and woke up at 1AM, and my feet were freezing, my cough was harsh, and I was sweating. No bueno Andrew... no bueno.

Today is Monday. I woke up feeling like shit. I let Tim know that I was having a rough morning. I've taken my 3 medicines: Mucinex, Alka Seltzer Plus, and Airbourne. I've also eaten my Urbane Cafe Protein Salad. I also tore up my cigarettes (I had one this morning) and have promised Sonia, Shaydon, and Tim that I would quit today. I am sweating balls, and I feel like dog shit on a hot day. 

My goal now that I'm sick is to cleanse. I will run today, I will eat healthy today, I will drink a lot of water today, I will not smoke cigarettes anymore, and I will not eat fast food anymore, and I will not drink soda anymore. Today is a double header. Not only am I healing myself from illness, but I am healing myself from diseases caused by my bad habits. Today is the fucking best day / worst day of my life. And it will only get better Andrew! It will only get better.