amaria-s

[amaria-s]

Had a normal day,wanted to record a video playing dead space and had to leave mid game cus my moms bf wanted to go to a batting cage he called em,i had fun mostly then we came home at about 8,almost 9 and then wen dinner started,they were talking about plans we have during the weekend,my younger brother im gonna call him,Joe...so joe didn't like the idea of spending all day to spend time for a late birthday celebration,he said *hes gonna be like me* then mimicked how i sat in the kitchen with a knife....* This was almost 2 years ago,i tried to (off) myself,i wanted to sit in my own space to decide weither i want to quit life. They made fun of me and started laughing,this isnt the first time they did this infront of him,i got tired of it bc it was actually embarrassing and it was offensive. my older sister keeps telling me to just ignore them but i cant.....I explained a little bit of my past i was emotionally abused half my life,ppl controlled me,manipulated me and i hated myself more and more everyday,i still have self hatred for my body and myself,but im trying to move past it without a therapist,my brother is fully playing it out like im just complaining abt it and i was just seeking for attention,i say i couldnt take my life bc i really couldnt,i thought of my friends as my family and i cant just leave them,so i fight for them. after i felt extremely uncomfortable with my moms bf knowing this info bc she was abusive too,idk if word will get out how she was and he'll kick us out,i seriously just wanna be left alone by everyone....

[amaria-s]

Two posts in one night? AMI WAT THE HELL ARE U THINKING,UR JUST COMPLAINING BC ITS OUT OF UR CONTROL,i Probably am complaining but i just wish things would stay the same,im over here thinking about my friend and other goobers i know personally and i really just wish i didn't have to move and i couldve been around them longer then i got to,She and everyone else are actually the only ppl who made me enjoy school *U like school? Heh fucking nerd* Shut it,i liked it bc it didn't feel stressful *Stfu yes it did bitch* I ONLY HATED MATH OKAY,the days were pretty long but i was always happy,especially wen my friend was devastated about the news,we would always cuddle and talk about our feelings,it felt like seeing her just made everything go away,wen moving day got close,she kissed me.....i was recently dating someone long distance but it.....Felt right....i really wanted to drop my relationship and be with her *my relationship wasnt active so i lacked the proper feeling of love. I felt.....loved and i loved her. And i just wanted to kiss her as much as possible,ive been really wanting to ever sense i just felt like she cared. And Now tdy,no recently ive been missing these days,i miss my old schedule and i miss how things were. i wish for my birthday i got to see her....that would have been a great birthday present. Especially getting to kiss her or.....Touching her,with her permission ofc. Ty silly human for reading my deep thoughts.

[amaria-s]

Its my birthday tdy im getting ready for bed and my cats on me but tbh it wasn't anything special,i got home,mom got pizza then dipped to work,i was pretty disapointed and i also didn't get any gift at all,no matter if it was just seeing or hanging with my friends,i literally didn't get nothing,it was at best the worst birthday in my whole life,my friend is talking about "Doing stuff" wen i go over to her house and its getting me feeling something,i genuinely wanna know wat it is but i don't wanna spoil the suprise,my new friend got a whole bunch of her friends to say happy birthday tdy,one of them stared at me wen she called me girl pronouns *im a trans mtf,not transitioned yet* They stared at me and it low key made me self concious.

[amaria-s]

Played my day out like usual,i actually met a new friend and we get along just fine,im wondering wen im gonna start writing my journal notes on here,been feeling lazy recently,im also thinking about wen im gonna visit my friend this weekend,ive been super excited for that and my birthday tmr,i wonder if anyone will get me presents 😋 Im jk i just wanna see everyones faces.

[amaria-s]

Just got home,i was supposed to be home 5-4 hours ago but i couldnt and im really annoyed about it. I don't know what im gonna do now,probably just play games and stuff my mouth.

[amaria-s]

Just signed up bc my friend is on here and it seems really silly (joking) So i decided to come on here,ur not gonna find anything else besides,mental thoughts,small pep talks,probably horny thoughts and sometimes venting,if u don't care then cool,if u wanna stick around,Ty :) Im going to post stuff atleast once a day,im gonna post stuff i wrote in my tiny notebook UwU for a few days and probably more *just a heads up :)* Ty for reading this.