amandamagee

[amandamagee]

[amandamagee]

[amandamagee]

[amandamagee]

Changing seasons

I used to believe that autumn held new beginnings. Seventeen Magazine promised I’d look like Jennifer Connelly if I bought the right corduroy jacket and loafers. My school schedule would open new friendships and a school year where I wasn’t a misfit. Instead of longing for recess to be recess again, I’d understand how to traverse the coquettishness of the girls and their lunging toward the…

[amandamagee]

“The relevant question in psychiatry shouldn’t be what’s wrong with you, but what happened to you.”

— Eleanor Longden

[amandamagee]

[amandamagee]

Shame and love during COVID

Shame and love during COVID, tl/dr as long as we are living we'll have hopes & desires. It's ok to set down your worry every once in a while.

COVID hasn’t made anything easy. Things that we used to be able to crave—feeling attractive or desirable, cutting through responsibility with a spontaneous act, diving headlong into anonymity through travel, all seem too selfish.  And yet, it’s almost more essential now. Our washing machine has been inoperable, with a one-week exception, since October. We are caught in a limbo of protection plan…

[amandamagee]

Acknowledging Fear and Modeling Courage

Acknowledging Fear and Modeling Courage

The girls went back to school this week. Wednesday, they woke quickly, one even before her alarm. The energy of getting ready to leave was familiar, welcome even, but it also crackled with anxiety. We took turns asking questions and spontaneously saying, “I love you.” Still, we’d agreed as a family to give it a go, and the girls were ready. Avery is a freshman this year, and Briar was excited to…

[amandamagee]

Learning how to have supporting #BLM and #LGBTQIA+ be a part of daily life.

Hello old friends.

Time has been moving in slow-motion with a finger not my own holding down the fast forward button. I can’t keep up and the days never end fast enough. Pip died. The vet asked me after 4 visits, “Do you think it’s time?”

I shattered, the only thing that remained whole were my arms. I looked at Pip, tiny in the yellow blanket. I dangled in the massive space between wanting his…

[amandamagee]

Can I bake the mailman cookies?

Can I bake the mailman cookies? A lesson in seeing the effort of others and making sure they feel seen and appreciated. #parenting

We have left cookies in the mailbox for our mailman. We say mailman because he is indeed a man. His name is Bill. Finley has a keen understanding of the extra lengths he goes to to take care of us. Since moving to this a few years ago, she has noticed that Bill often drives down our long driveway to leave things on our stoop.

“Can I bake the mailman cookies?” she asked the other day.

  “I don’t…

[amandamagee]

Letting it out

Letting it out-rambling on.

The world around me tumbles and crashes, the instinct I’ve been able to rely on for anticipating shifts is quiet. I can go back decades tracing the echoes of my complaints that I don’t have a skill. I’ve ached for an output capable of measurement. The voice in my ear has been relentless and unforgiving for so long. How strange that in this immersion into a life that is impenetrable for intuition,…

[amandamagee]

Seriously though, how are you?

Seriously though, how are you? Week 3 of quarantine #covid19

We are in the third week of all five of us being home. The animals are bewildered, delighted, and exhausted. We’ve severely cramped their napping schedule. Sean and I are finding a rhythm. It’s inconsistent and unpredictable because we can’t forecast which of us will have an emotional dip. When we fall into the darkness, the other rallies and takes the lead on managing the schedule. The girls…

[amandamagee]

Still Here

Everywhere you look there is information—how to homeschool, how to work, what to wear, what to eat, how the coronavirus is spreading, how many people are dying and where. I’ve spent hours scrolling through articles, tweets, links, sometimes I feel better for it, other times I don’t. Some of it is stuff I’ve written. It’s overwhelming because it feels like we should know as much as we can, stay up…

[amandamagee]

Don't buy the hate makeover

Don't buy the hate makeover-a tale of escaping the idea that I should hate how I look.

“You, you there. I have something just for you,” a slender man called to me as he skipped across the tradeshow floor and slipped two silver packets in my hand.

I laughed as he ushered me into his booth. “What’s your name?” he asked, smiling.

Obviously, this is not taken from the trade show floor, but this was my general attitude as I sat down and this is the face he was seeing.

I said my name,…

[amandamagee]

Just Another Day

Just Another Day-talking to kids after #ElPaso #Dayton and about a government that is loyal to the NRA.

Saturday I needed to run to the grocery store, news had just broken about the shooting at Walmart in El Paso. Sean wasn’t home, and I told the girls they could hang back if they helped me with the bags when I got home. I listened to reports on the radio as I drove.

I was upset that while this rocked me, I wasn’t numb like I’ve been after other shootings. I was sad, but my world didn’t stop. As I…

[amandamagee]

Seasons Are What You Make

Seasons Are What You Make- Learning to speak up about what I want. #marriage #life

This morning was the day we were putting our boat in the water. The timing wasn’t the most convenient, this month is chock full of travel for work. As I write this Sean is wrapping up a presentation/event with our business partners in the City of Oneonta. We had about a two-hour window to get it all done.

I love being in the water and on the water, but the boat aspect is Sean’s love. I was more…

[amandamagee]

The Contradiction of Leaving

The Contradiction of Leaving--preparing for #Mom2Summit keeping my heart full and unpacking the guilt

My flight leaves in exactly four hours as I write this. The girls are still sleeping after back-to-back sleepovers and hours spent helping us build the fence that I declared I wanted. It is the kind of morning that makes me want to say aloud to the trees and sky, “I am so happy to be alive.” As the light filters through the tree and birds swoop into the feeders and then fly out, banking near the…