alonelywaterbottle

[alonelywaterbottle]

Quick survey how old are you and do you care about your wedding like is it actually that serious for you

[alonelywaterbottle]

someone on Animal Jam asking if anyone has seen Supernatural and I had to remind myself this is a children's game and half of these people were probably speaking their first ever words in 2015 when I was out there cosplaying as Castiel on a random tuesday at school carrying a bag of salt in my backpack....

[alonelywaterbottle]

[alonelywaterbottle]

Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

[alonelywaterbottle]

Here's some Ryoga X boy type Ranma ship art just for you.

[alonelywaterbottle]

*feels my body get anxious for no reason* what is it boy, what do you see?

[alonelywaterbottle]

[alonelywaterbottle]

[alonelywaterbottle]

more Spanish-speaker Stan Twins

how Stan learned Spanish

[alonelywaterbottle]

Honestly, part of why it irritates me when people act performatively shocked at the homophobia in 2000s media is it wasn't just media. "Can you believe this aired in 2008" buddy, in 2008 I was having shit thrown at me from moving cars for having long hair, and you wanna get worked up about sitcoms?

[alonelywaterbottle]

de una forma una mini pimer es como una cinturonga …

[alonelywaterbottle]

[alonelywaterbottle]

JD Vance went to Ohio St, then Yale Law. As an underserved Appalachian, he was DEI.

He was a Marine, and it transformed his life. The government transformed his life.

I am sure JD used his college education and Law Degree to better his life more than he could imagine.

He met his wife at Yale Law. Do you think JD said professors were the enemy? Usha's parents are professors. Are they the enemy?

When JD was in Silicon Valley, I'm sure he used his schooling pedigree to his advantage.

Now, he code switches to talk to MAGA. He talks in white supremacy narratives.

Education is now bad. Professors are the enemy.

JD thinks he can just forget where he came from and who he is.

[alonelywaterbottle]

If you see this on your dashboard, reblog this, NO MATTER WHAT and all your dreams and wishes will come true.

[alonelywaterbottle]

what breed(s) are vice malice and mayhem? i'm guessing himalayan or maybe part maine coon?

Nope! They are dumpster babies. They have no lineage or pedigree; the closest they've been to a breed was meeting Eleanor one time. Vice is part dryer lint and Malice is a meatball. Arguably The Meatball. They have no affiliation with any sort of Proper Cat and while Vice looks like a little lost lordling and Malice acts like undisputed queen of the universe, neither of them can claim to be anything but a completely standard Domestic Longhair Cat. They're not even related to each other.

Eleanor, for the record, is a Himalayan/Ragdoll cross. She's got papers and everything. She can't read them though, because there's nothing in her head but pretty pretty fluff.

[alonelywaterbottle]

in mesopotamia there were no 'cover letters' or 'curriculum vitaes'. there were just, pots.

[alonelywaterbottle]

Listen, I'm having fun playing with the ultra patriotic voice, but after a couple years in blue-collar landscaping jobs, you really do need to phrase things like that.

"I'm pretty sure that fella ain't here legally."

"Well, that ain't your business Chip, it's his."

They hate being preached to. If you pull out words like 'gender wage gap' they'll tell you you're brainwashed by the far left media.

"He's one of them transgenders."

"He got freedoms too, Jimmy."