almost-butnotquite

[almost-butnotquite]

Shet. Bigla kita namiss. Nakakainis.

Miss ko rin yung sarili ko minsan

Pero char, hu u po

[almost-butnotquite]

Glad to see you're writing again. :)

THAT’S VERY SWEET OMG I CAN’T

[almost-butnotquite]

Human beings are fickle creatures, aren’t they?

About a year ago, I told myself it was time to get a new perspective - and I did. Silently, for a year, I kept my writing on hold because of other interests I planned to pursue. I thought I was done for in this field as inspiration didn’t strike me as I’d like it to. Then, I thought it was something integral to get you started.

Of course, you need an idea, and over the past year I’ve gained so much ideas, knowledge, and unspoken thoughts about how I viewed the world. I just never got to the part where I should write about them.

Weeks ago, I had a class on scientific writing (I’m an applied science major) where our professor said he did NOT have any tips for writing but one: WRITE. It’s a skill you develop and I can’t say anything because I stopped. But I will go on again and I will not leave this place I made my home.

So yes, I am a human being, flawed by my fickle nature.

But I will stay and try again another day.

[almost-butnotquite]

Kahawig mo si Rose Ellen Dix.

OMG I LOVE HER AND I FRIGGIN’ LOVE YOU NA

[almost-butnotquite]

Papayag ako na maging kabit mo.

Girl, pumapatay ako ng sulutera.

[almost-butnotquite]

Today, I met one of the bravest and smartest people that I have ever encountered. He is only six years old and has cancer in his liver and kidneys. Because of his tumor, he lives with a huge belly and is very small for his age. He is being treated at the Cancer Institute of the Philippine General Hospital.

These are his diagnostic characteristics. Thanks to the time given to me by one of my organizations, The Hope Project, I was able to more than what his charts tell me.

When I first got to the ward, I was a bit anxious to speak to him because I keep thinking that the kids we handle are fragile. I keep forgetting that our mission is to make sure they experience a normal or at least, a better childhood than being cooped up in a hospital. My org mates helped me by introducing me to him as we began the activity.

Usually, we’d ask the kids about their hobbies/interests/favorite things and he was quick to answer. He’d know more about worldly things than kids his age would know. When we asked him where he stayed when he wasn’t in the hospital, he answered us with directions to get there rather than the place itself. I found him to be very intelligent as he also formed opinions since I learned in one of my OT classes that kids his age don’t really form opinions as much.

He asked me to draw lions and tigers and when I did, I showed him my drawings and asked him what animals they were. Afterwards, he told us about more animals he knew and asked me to draw them. We made promises to go to the zoo when he gets better. I know it was all in good intention, but what if we couldn’t follow through because we didn’t see him anymore? I wouldn’t want for him to feel like we lied to him.

Anyway -

One of my org mates told him that we were to make a card for his mom on mother’s day. We asked him what he’d like to say to his mom and our hearts melted when he said Thank you for taking care of me. I didn’t think (yet again) that he understood the gravity of the situation he’s in, or if he knew what his mother goes through for him, but he proved me wrong yet again.

In the middle of our visit, the nurse came and injected something into his IV. He immediately called his mom and she was quick to his side, rubbing his thin forearm with her thumb. We asked him about his pain and he said that it didn’t hurt, but it felt like burning when the fluid seeped into his veins. We then probed about his medical condition, to see the extent of his knowledge. All that I found out during his introduction, I found out from him, at age 6. We asked him if the doctors told him and he said he just overheard it. He also knew about what happens in the operating room and he knows that he will go under the knife again.

He surpassed all expectations of mine and I really needed a win today. I was extremely glad that I got to meet him and the rest of the kids because it truly was an experience I would never forget. I forgot about all my problems and felt capable because these kids battle through almost every single thing that they never had a say in and I admire their strength, courage, and will to go on given their situation.

Needless to say, I am so glad I was where I was today.

[almost-butnotquite]

I admire you, especially the way you look at love. You believe in love so much that it makes me want to do the same. We're not close and I'm just someone whose face you recognize probably because you see me around, but I feel like I know you (or at least parts of who you are). I wish I could be actual friends with you, haha. (P.S. It's nice to see that you're happy! 😊)

Thank you for your kind words!!!! Come say hello some time! We should be friends :)

[almost-butnotquite]

What was the best part of your day?

I was reading Shakira Sison’s #UnsentLetters in her condo this morning while she was studying for her exam. I got up to get water because I was thirsty but I was still fixated on reading the emails when she said, “Can I have some water?” and I got her some. It ordinarily doesn’t really mean much, but it meant a lot to me. 

[almost-butnotquite]

Ah okay akala ko kasi... Parang sila kasama/kausap mo palagi :)

I’m Miss Congeniality, bitch

[almost-butnotquite]

AK ka pala, Alana :)

I’m non-partisan :)

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In light of the recent political debacle, I'm extremely curious if you're red or blue?

White and gold, son

[almost-butnotquite]

Sino si A?

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So today, I had a craving. It's not particularly a good one and I haven't had it in more than 2 months. This is actually the longest I've ever gone without breaking the chain. As someone who is studying and training to become a health professional, I personally don't like finding comfort in something that reduces my lifespan and makes me weaker and more susceptible to disease. How am I to help others if I, myself, am weak?

So I drew a cigarette stick on my wrist in attempts to wash down the way desires affect the human body. I had a conversation with a close friend. I asked him, "Should I buy a chocolate bar or half a pack of cigarettes?" and of course he answered me the sweeter choice.

True enough, the craving went away and I do wish I could write your name on my wrist and not feel the need to talk to you or see your face when I close my eyes.

But sadly, you aren't as easy to resist as a cigarette.

[almost-butnotquite]

Karma is probably what this is. I'm actually tattered and torn but the good times are so good that I'm willing to suffer through these spaces just to get a glimpse of them. The decisions I've been making lately have been shifting into some other gravity but I am going to work on not making it worse.

Maybe tomorrow. Maybe I can have this last night.

[almost-butnotquite]

May gf ka ba ngayon?

Wala -

kang pakialam doon. Chor.

[almost-butnotquite]

I have a crush on you.

TY

[almost-butnotquite]

Ano nga ba ang pinupunto ko rito? Siguro gusto ko lang maisip mo na kung gaano ako ka-thankful at nakilala kita kahit na sa internet lang hahaha. Kung pahihintulutan man, sana maging magkaibigan man lang tayo. Sana lagi mong maisip na mayroon kang mga taong na-inspire dahil kung sino ka at kung gaano mo buong tapang na kinaharap ang mga maaaring diskriminasyon bilang tayo ay nasa LGBTQ community.

Sobrang dami mong tinanong and umm okay haha saan ba ko magsisimula?? First of all thank you for your kind words!! Sobrang heart-warming at may napupuntahan lahat ng efforts ko na ipakita sa mga tao na ang pagiging isang LGBT+ ay tulad lamang ng pagiging isang Scorpio o kung ano mang zodiac sign ka pa! Hoping that more people would be more progressive and find it within themselves to become stronger people and advocates of people who need to be fought for!!!

Let's find strength within each other, yes?