allofmyfailures

[allofmyfailures]

Someone I’ve been casually seeing (mostly just a physical relationship) just said they need to be on their own but want to spend one last night together. I’m conflicted because I want the intimacy but it feels kinda shitty and I’m not sure going through with it would be the best call. I don’t know what to do. Give me advice!

Update: I decided if I was feeling any hesitation then it wasn’t right. I do crave intimacy but not intimacy with just anyone.

[allofmyfailures]

Why does getting rejected by someone I’m not even that interested in still feel like a punch to the gut?

[allofmyfailures]

Aren’t friends supposed to give a fuck about how you are doing?

[allofmyfailures]

Why am I constantly doing so much emotional labor for people who seem to either not know how to reciprocate or do not care to?

[allofmyfailures]

[allofmyfailures]

I know I should not judge my body.

I never judge anyone else’s body as harshly as I judge my own. I’ve gained weight. Im not obese or even remotely close to being plus sized, but I’m also not fit or skinny. I feel guilty hating the way I look, and I never talk about it because I have friends who are larger than me and I wouldn’t want to make them feel shitty. But even though I’m smaller I still don’t fit into the beauty standard.

Ive been looking for months for a second hand pair of cargo pants that fit me and I finally found a pair, but at the value village I went to there wasn’t real dressing rooms so I didn’t get to really see how they would truly work on me until I got home. Only to realize the look I was wanting to achieve is pretty much meant for people with washboard abs (or those who possess body confidence I do not). I’m not excited for low rise jeans to become the norm. I’m not excited for the trend of extreme skinny coming back (not that it ever really left but you know what I mean). I’m so fucking tired of comparing my body to others. I’m so fucking tired of hating the way I look. I’m just so tired.

It’s silly to be upset over but I am.

[allofmyfailures]

Just went cloths shopping (thrifting) for the first time in awhile and holy fuck the body dysmorphia is hitting hard

[allofmyfailures]

Just rushed home after a 9hr shift to quickly get ready and meet up with friends only for them not to reply to me or tell me where to meet so I’m just sitting at home annoyed with nothing to do

[allofmyfailures]

[allofmyfailures]

[allofmyfailures]

Don’t send me sexual asks I’m just a simple farmer with crops to tend to

[allofmyfailures]

What is success?

They say everyone’s definition is different. But most people know it when they see it.

Do you want to be successful?

Do I?

I want to be successful like a bird who has just built its nest. A city pigeon. Why can’t that be enough?

A new word for success as defined by a pigeon :

fuciamee

Which roughly translates too:

Home

🏡

[allofmyfailures]

You play a game

Who has anger issues

Fingers in your face

Who would you be with

No fingers point your way

Who has the nicest smile

Apparently not me

If the name

Of this game

Is to make me feel like shit

Then

I guess I’m a winner

[allofmyfailures]

I believe that energy cannot be created or destroyed. That’s science right?

I’m not really religious, sometimes spiritual sure, but mostly skeptical.

So many things make me feel that life and death are finite.

I feel like heaven and hell are probably fair fetched. And too black and white. I haven’t had any experiences that prove anything so magical. Maybe reincarnation is the closest to what I believe possible. The energy has to go somewhere. I like the thought that all the energy left over after death, went to new life, continuing a grand cycle.

What that looks like It’s likely nothing any living being can possibly imagine.

[allofmyfailures]

A poem I found my ex wrote about another girl that may or may not have been written while we were together.

[allofmyfailures]

Smoking up