allmystars-i

[allmystars-i]

awhile ago, i reached out to the director of an event jensen attended in early 98. she didn't think anything was left from that time, but was kind enough to look for me. well, she found a VHS tape with jensen's name written on it, and mailed it to me!

so, here it is: jensen ackles on good morning texas on march 20, 1998. it hasn't been seen since it aired on local television almost exactly 27 years ago. here are some highlights from the interview:

childhood photos sent in by his mom

a surprise phone call from jensen's high school teacher

the leann rimes rumors

skin care collab with dr. semel

i'm releasing this as a thank you to everyone who purchased and/or shared my calendar this year! i hope you enjoy. in case you missed it, here is some other footage i've uncovered during my research.

[allmystars-i]

(X) (X)

ETA a new option:

(From a source I will not link.)

[allmystars-i]

Food for thought

[allmystars-i]

So Dean is fucked up after Cas is taken into the Empty obviously, all melancholy, no sleep, drinking too much, you know his gist. Sam probably tries to get him to talk about it, but he would never tell him everything Cas said, you know. So Dean is miserable, and Sam is miserable, but THEY DON'T STOP trying to get Cas back.

And they do, somehow. So Cas appears somewhere in the library or wherever they were Doing What Brought Him Back and there's a second of confused, vulnerable silence because this can't be real don't believe it's real he's gonna disappear and it's gonna suck all over again but he stays, and looks at Dean, and then Dean is hugging him, clutching him like... well, like everything that happened, happened, and they're breathing each other in. Cas hasn't had the chance to think about what it all means, yet, so he's not overthinking it. Then they break apart, and Dean has tears in his eyes and his lower lip is shaking, and while Sam hugs Cas, too, Dean's body is like, shutting down, months of exhaustion (physical and emotional) catching up to him, and he feels it coming, so when Sam gets Cas to sit down, making him drink some water, Dean's like "I'm just gonna-" and he's running into his room and he doesn't even make it inside before he starts sobbing. He's sitting against his bed, his face in his hands, all wet now, when Sam comes in. Maybe he knocked, maybe not, Dean couldn't hear him. And he tries to cover himself a little, but Sam sees anyway, and he's so tired, so he just. Doesn't care.

And Sam says, "Dean, don't hide from him" and Dean isn't sobbing anymore but he's still crying into his palms, saying "I'm so tired, Sammy" and Sam knows. He doesn't know what happened between Dean and Cas but Cas said he did something and now Dean wouldn't feel comfortable around him. So, you know. Sam can guess, a little.

So he says, "He thinks you don't want anything to do with him anymore" and "you should go talk to him" and Dean is like "I can't" and he doesn't know why, maybe because he's exhausted, or because he doesn't know what to say to him , or because Cas sacrifised himself for him again, or because he told him he loved him and turned Dean's world upside down and disappeared, or maybe because he's scared.

And Sam knows this is all happening in Dean's head and he knows some of it is whispered to him in their dad's voice, so he says, "you know nothing in the world would ever change how I think of you," and Dean's head snaps towards him, wet with bloodshot eyes, confused and terrified, but he doesn't say anything, so Sam asks, "what really happened down there?" and Dean knows Sam knows. There's a hand squeezing his heart and lungs and he can't breathe, and Sam knows, and Dean wishes he could go back to when it wasn't even an option.

"He's your best friend," Sam says, and he is, he is, he's Dean's best friend, above all else, it's not just sacrifises and battles and blood and desperate confessions, it's also movies and music and inside jokes, so Dean asks Sam to get Cas. He does, and leaves them in Dean's room alone. And Dean says "don't ever die for me again" and "you think you saved me but i was barely alive" and "next time we die together" which is maybe a little fucked up, but he's feeling so raw. He says, "you're my best friend" and looks at Cas, hoping Cas hears everything he isn't saying, how Cas is the most important person in all the universes to Dean. He's family, but he doesn't say that, doesn't want Cas to think he's family like anyone else, because Cas is more. To Dean, Cas is- something Dean won't say yet, but he is.

And they have a quiet dinner with Sam because they're all tired, and Cas showers while they turn on the TV and bring out a couple of beers, and they act like it's a normal day in their life. Dean's head keeps falling and his eyes keep closing, his temples aching, but he stays, and at some point Sam goes to sleep, and when they're alone Cas tries to get Dean to go, too, but he keeps coming up with lame excuses to stay and Cas doesn't know what to make of it until he thinks maybe Dean doesn't want to be alone, or even - maybe Dean doesn't want to leave Cas alone, maybe he's scared something will happen to him again, or maybe he wants to just - be with Cas longer. And Cas is completely out of his element, because why would Dean- But it doesn't matter. His priority has always been Dean's well-being, so if there's any chance Dean is pushing himself because of - some of that, Cas will step up.

So he asks Dean if he can sleep in Dean's room tonight because he doesn't want to be alone. And there's a blaring red light going off in Dean head, screaming he knows he knows he knows Dean wants him to... what? Dean doesn't even know. Cas is asking as if for himself, for Dean's benefit, and Dean. God. Dean loves him, doesn't he? He's always loved him, but he loves him like... like... but he doesn't think it, still. He feels too open, now, and he wants to lock himself in his room and sleep it off and drink and stop feeling so vulnerable, he thinks he must be an open book to everyone, to Cas especially, and god, could people always tell? Can Cas tell, now? But why does it matter? Cas told him- he told him-

But none of it matters, because Cas is here, and he's offereing Dean an easy way out, and Dean is a weak, weak man, and he's exhausted and all he wants is to breathe Cas' air and know he's here, and not going anywhere.

So Dean puts on an old T-shirt and gets out of his jeans like he always does before realizing Cas is here. He flushes all over, sits down on his bed because he didn't think about how this was gonna go. Cas glances at the desk as if he was gonna sit in his chair the whole night, and Dean doesn't actually know if Cas sleeps now or doesn't, which he maybe should've thought of before, but before he can say anything, Cas says, "Dean, I don't want to make you uncomfortable" and Dean, completely lost, says the first thing that comes to his mind, which is, "can you lie down with me?" which is not exactly how he was gonna tell Cas he's the opposite of uncomfortable with him, but it does the trick. He makes Cas get out of his dress pants and gives him a T-shirt to sleep in, too, and flushes even more when he realizes what Cas is wearing. Dean lies down when Cas steps towards the bed, faces the wall because he doesn't know what to do with himself. They lie in silence for an awkward moment before Cas says, "are we okay?" and Dean says, "of course we are" and Dean knows Cas is still overthinking it, and he is, too, but... Cas took the leap, and he must feel so uncertain about them, and Dean thinks he owes him something, at least. Cas told him he loved him. Nothing felt right since then, because Cas died and because Cas thought he could never have what he wanted and because Cas thought he wasn't the most important person in Dean's life with Sammy, whatever that meant, and because Dean had to come to terms with that reality, a reality where Cas loves him, has loved him, him, Dean, broken and all. A man. A man Cas thought beautiful, and loving, and- and Dean has many issues, but Cas was never one of them, and Cas deserves to feel certain about his place in Dean's life.

So Dean asks Cas to come closer, and there's a still moment before Cas does, still too far away from Dean, and Dean can't see him, can't make himself turn because his heart is beating so loud he thinks if he looks at Cas, it's gonna beat out of his chest. So he reaches behind himself, finds Cas' hand and brings it forward, keeps it between his hands and brings them to his face. Breathes Cas in. "Please don't leave again" he says, in that tone he used when he prayed to Cas. He feels Cas shift, finally, as if he lost some of the tension from his body, feels the bed dip behind him, and he doesn't know how Cas moves but then Dean's back is pressed against Cas' front, and despite his beating heart, Dean is feeling the exhaustion start to take him. "Cas, I..." he tries, but he can't think anymore, can't make sense of anything.

"You can fall asleep, Dean," Cas says, his words warm in Dean's hair and the last thing he hears before sleep takes him is "I will be here when you wake up."

So when Dean wakes up, it's to a heavy arm around his chest and slow breaths against the back of his head. There's no moment of confusion about who he's with, or why. He doesn't even get a second to consider if it was real before Cas says "good morning, Dean" and Dean wonders if Cas slept at all. If he needs to sleep, now. There's so much they need to talk about, all three of them.

"Cas," he tries again, remembereing his attempt from last night. He needs Cas to know, for sure. "Cas, I - what you said. You know I. I've never..." and Cas is like "I know, Dean" but he sounds a little confused, so Dean doensn't know what Cas thinks he knows. So he turns, takes a second to notice how close they are now, and he thinks about Cas' eyes, his lips. Thinks, soon.

"You have to know," he says, as if Cas didn't say anything. "You have to know how I - what I" and he can't get the words out, not sure if it would be easier if there were no words to get out or if there were no voices in his head screaming over them. So he breathes in, Cas' scent overtaking his senses, brings his palm to Cas' face. Closes his eyes. Thinks, soon. Thinks, now, and meets Cas halfway.

[allmystars-i]

Imagine, you're just coming to terms with the fact that your four year old son is now thirty seven, he grew up as a hunter, a life you actively rejected for yourself and for him, he takes you to his home (the bunker of a society you thought was a myth) and your other son has left his blood all over the place. And then some random guy in a trenchcoat accosts you and instead of shooting him, your four year old thirty seven year old son calls him a friend and they embrace with a tenderness and devotion you likely didn't even share with your husband because (oh yeah) your entire relationship was set up by cupids in order to breed the vessels of the apocalypse.

[allmystars-i]

cause so do i…

[allmystars-i]

Some hater : Dean doesn’t care about Ca… Me : How about you watch this video and then you shut the hell up forever. . . . . . Dean and CAS : I’d have died for you

Please watch and like the original here and subscribe if you can, the owner deserves all the love and appreciation

[allmystars-i]

you have to outlive donald trump

[allmystars-i]

no❤️

[allmystars-i]

in 2025 let’s bring back being enthusiastic on ao3. leave a comment on every chapter. leave kudos and, if necessary, leave “double kudos” in the comments. tags and notes on bookmarks. the whole nine yards. let’s show fanfic authors how much we love them.

[allmystars-i]

Also, for my own tastes, the Kindle Unlimited selection sucks

Ok, I've seen this sentiment before, but the amount of Kindle Unlimited ads I've been seeing is forcing me to repeat it-

Kindle Unlimited is offering two free months of unlimited ebooks. As a trial. Which will then become a paid subscription.

Your local library is offering unlimited ebooks all the time. Forever. No contracts, no predatory practices, no tracking of how long you spend on each particular page in the hopes that information about your habits can be sold for a profit.

Use your library. They want so badly to give you all of the things for free.

[allmystars-i]

If You Avoid Thinking About the Future, You Get Better at Everything

The idea that "If you avoid thinking about the future, you get better at everything" suggests that by focusing less on what might happen down the road and more on the present moment, you can enhance your performance and well-being. This perspective is closely related to concepts like mindfulness and living in the present.

Here’s why:

Reduced Anxiety: Worrying about the future can create unnecessary stress and anxiety. When you stop obsessing over what’s coming, you free yourself from these mental burdens and can focus more on what’s happening right now.

Increased Focus: Focusing on the present allows you to dedicate more mental energy to the task at hand. You are less distracted by hypothetical scenarios and more attuned to the details and nuances of what you're doing, leading to better performance.

Flow State: Living in the moment often aligns with entering a "flow state," where you’re fully immersed in your activity. This state of mind can lead to improved creativity, productivity, and enjoyment of the process, rather than constantly thinking about the outcome.

Enhanced Decision-Making: When you aren't overly concerned with the future, your decisions are often more grounded and immediate. This allows you to respond more intuitively and effectively to current circumstances rather than overthinking what might happen later.

Improved Well-Being: Constantly thinking about the future can lead to burnout or a feeling of inadequacy. By focusing on the present, you allow yourself to enjoy each moment and build a sense of accomplishment, which can improve overall happiness and mental health.

While thinking about the future can be useful for planning, this approach emphasizes balance—making space for mindful presence rather than becoming overwhelmed by future possibilities. It’s about doing your best right now without losing yourself in what’s ahead.

[allmystars-i]

🪷

[allmystars-i]

See Dean freezing during the confession was perfect to me. If he'd been cavalier like "I love you too" and given Cas a hug it would've been friendly, could be attributed as that kind of closeness. But the fact that he freezes.

He stares and listens and then starts to dread. I literally watched the confession and then decided to watch SPN.

[allmystars-i]

Parallelsnatural • 6.20 | 15.03

[allmystars-i]

more questions you know the answer to and i know the answer to and we keep asking each other in circles until we die: why was cas’s grace needed to cast the angels out of heaven? why CAS specifically and not just any random angel? metatron recruited cas for a reason. the ingredients were for a reason. the spell was for a reason. kill a nephilim (lovechild of a human and an angel) steal a cupid’s bow (tool of heaven to make humans fall in love with each other) and the grace of an angel. an angel who........ blank. dot dot dot. they need an angel’s grace for the spell to work. cas’s grace specifically. why cas’s grace specifically? why not any angel? how does cas SPECIFICALLY fit into the pattern of what we know about the spell? the grace of an angel who. the grace of an angel w. YOU KNOW. SAY IT. SAY IT. THE GRACE OF AN ANGEL WHO—

[allmystars-i]