alliwishtosay

[alliwishtosay]

i feel his hands trace over every part of me

the heat of his skin travels over my body

until he reaches my heart

then his eyes meet mine

and i watch my fears evaporate into the air

and the room fills with smoke and lust

until all i feel is him

all i see is him

i count the breaths we take in sync

and linger in the glow that we’ve become

how freeing it is to love you like this

mp

[alliwishtosay]

writing is my craft

the one thing i can count on to save me

the ability to put words together and form sentences to describe the beauty i see 

is one i hold dear

but when i sit down to try and write about the beauty i see in him

i can’t

suddenly i can’t come up with words to describe the way he makes me feel

my mind is nothing but black as i try so hard to curate the perfect lines

but nothing will come out

i’m stuck there kicking myself wondering why i can’t do what i’m best at

i think of nothing but his face

and then his freckles

and his smile and how he glows when he talks about his passion

his hands and the way my face fits in them perfectly

the way his eyes trace my face before we kiss

his breathing as we slowly fall asleep 

and his heart slowing as my head is pressed against his chest

all of this i have to write about and nothing but the words 

i love you

are written across my paper

i can’t say anything but the words

i love you

because love is more than fast heart beats and sneaky kisses

love is all the beauty i see when i look at him

and i finally realize that i don’t need a long poem

because nothing but the words

i love you

matter more

mp

[alliwishtosay]

he pulled my loud emotions and wretched thoughts right out of my soul

the ones i tried so hard to keep quiet within me 

then he dusted them off

and told me i was beautiful

i felt exposed as my insides were sitting in the palm of his hands

and i sat frozen still

unable to move

watching his eyes trace over every part of me

one sudden movement and he could drop me

and i’m left to pick myself back up

and force everything back inside

he could ruin me inside and out

his hands hold the power to destroy me

but also to save me

mp

[alliwishtosay]

i’m happy that you’re happy without me

that’s not something i thought i would ever be able to say

but here i am

saying it loud and proud

and i mean it with every part of me

because she really suits you

you are everything with her that you couldn’t be with me

you have found your sun

and she’s not me

but she shines so bright for you

and that’s okay

because i’m happy

seriously this time

my world no longer revolves around you

i have found my own orbit while you found hers

so thank you for letting me go

because i have found my sun

and he’s not you

but he shines so bright for me

and i am everything with him that i couldn’t be with you

mp

[alliwishtosay]

and as i laid in bed

staring out at the moon

i couldn’t help but think about you

and hope you were watching it too

mp

[alliwishtosay]

[alliwishtosay]

one day 

i’ll find someone

who loves me the way i’ve been hoping for

and that someone isn’t going to be you

mp

[alliwishtosay]

“happiness is for everyone”

that’s what your poem from 4th grade says

i found it the other day

does that still hold true?

i know we were just kids when you wrote that

but i always remembered you to be wise

far more than me

“happiness can be for your writing” you said

and i find myself agreeing with the clever 10 year old

happiness can be for my writing

especially when my muse is you.

mp

[alliwishtosay]

i was going to try to be poetic but i just love you

[alliwishtosay]

autumn has always been my favorite season

maybe it's because of the color of the leaves falling

or maybe it's because of the cute sweaters

whatever the case, i always loved autumn

"loved"

past tense

i loved autumn until you walked into me on a rainy october day and suddenly autumn has never been the same

suddenly i couldn't see anything but you

only leaves the color of your eyes

and sweaters the shade of your hair

you were everywhere

and i loved you but i loved autumn more

but you look it from me

and i would ask for it back

but i fear you would keep it no matter how hard i pull

and that's not fair

i want autumn back

it's not fair

i want my life back

the one without you in it

following my every move

and i hate begging

but for autumn i will

give it back

[alliwishtosay]

Tell me I'm worth the risk.

[alliwishtosay]

i cried while writing poetry about you

as i realized that you will forever be my muse

the subject of every sentence i write

the point of every world i say

i fear i will always love you

or who i thought you were

as i realize my muse was not who i thought

nothing but a figment

never again will i ever let my imagination run wild

mp

[alliwishtosay]

you loved me like a favorite food

it’s good until you get tired of it

and easily find a new one

moving on with your life

you loved me like a movie

amazing at first

until you go too long without watching it

then you slowly forget it even happened

i loved you like breathing

slowly chipping away at my lugs

each minute i am without it

i loved you like you were my soul

without it i am nothing

you would die without a second thought of my name

i would die thinking only of you

i would die for you

we are not the same

mp

[alliwishtosay]

i always moved throughout my life with the saying 

“in another universe” 

it gave me a sort of comfort

the thought that maybe if not here

somewhere else

at another time

in another place

but as i have lived

i have realized that there is no 

“in another universe”

this is all i have

this is my only chance

i can’t just let it go to waste, can i?

so i’m not waiting for you anymore

why would i waste my only chance

on someone who wouldn’t use theirs on me?

mp

[alliwishtosay]

oh you poor girl

you really were in love weren’t you?

i could see it in your eyes

i saw them sparkle

i noticed your face glowing

as you fell head over heels

i could see the flame 

ignited within your soul

finally warming you 

after years of the freezing cold

and i’m so sorry 

that the person who lit the match

was the one to blow it out

mp

[alliwishtosay]

for the first time i had to pretend

like i couldn’t see you 

but i felt your stare on me as i breezed by 

but instead of meeting yours with a warm smile

i put my head down and sighed

as i walked down the hall and to the right 

i felt the tears start to well up in my eyes

how did i let this happen?

i always considered myself to be wise

but now i am unsure 

as i realize my idea of you was all romanticized 

i see now that you never wished for me

i was the wilted rose in your garden of lilies

and all i am is foolish for falling in love with your lies

-mp

[alliwishtosay]

my heart beats for yours because yours is beating for another

and no one can live without a heartbeat 

-mp