alliex0405

[alliex0405]

When someone asks you where you see yourself in 5 years and you’re like buddy .. im just trying to make it to Friday

[alliex0405]

[alliex0405]

Most apex predators will not attack a human unless provoked, cornered, treatened or starving. Predators cannot risk injury, you can’t hunt while you heal and you can’t heal if you starve. They’re most likely going to look at you and decide you are not worth the risk and effort.

Large prey animals, however, do not evaluate things this way. If a moose feels threatened, it doesn’t start calculating whether to risk injury. They will flee if they can but fight if they must - death is inevitable but it will take you down with it if at all possible.

A wild boar, however, does not give a shit. They just want you dead.

[alliex0405]

When I hear police sirens getting closer

[alliex0405]

In retrospect, the fact that it was a meme for a good five years that none of us knew what was going to happen in the year 2020 seems oddly prescient.

[alliex0405]

if you c*nsor anything in a post you are l*gally required to put all of the omitted v*wels at the end as a footn*te

*eeoo

[alliex0405]

[alliex0405]

some of u should have an OnlyClowns account

[alliex0405]

Get you a gurl that’ll suck your tongue. It’s lit.

[alliex0405]

western cat twitters are like “HoOman” and japanese cat twitters are like “Today I will consider the state of things.”

[alliex0405]

Not to be intersectional on main but I’ve had more rude white millennials while doing a service job than rude boomers of color. Most of the “can I talk with the manager” jokes are directly about white women and white people trying to excercise privilege and white people really washed that experience to “lol old people are mean to customer service workers.” Theres a whole racial angle to the commentary that was removed by white millennials to make themselves feel better about the situation.

[alliex0405]

if u ever find a genie and you’re really craving a dessert that looks like this:

do NOT say “i’d like a lifetime supply of raspberry crowns”

while this is, in fact, the name of the pastry, it’s ALSO the name of a species of wasp for some reason. the genie, being a nasty trickster, will no doubt give you a bunch of wasps.

[alliex0405]

pls tell me im not the only one

[alliex0405]

past-tense slogans

[alliex0405]

literally what the fuck

[alliex0405]

dogs are like i will lay down and huff sadly while staring balefully at you until you feel guilty and give me food. cats are like hey mom oh nice cereal don’t mind if i do! with their little criminal faces already in your fucking bowl

[alliex0405]

Weird that y’all think I’m sort of a disaster now and the majority of you haven’t been following me very long. I started this blog when I was 16. You all missed out on such gems as the time I wanted to go to a concert but I had to do the dishes first and I stashed a really disgusting pot in the broken never used dishwasher to do later

And forgot about it for two months.

And when I realized what I’d done and yanked it out there was a climax community eco system in there. Like a for real old growth forest.

I didn’t know what to do. Whatever grew in t definitely had to be part of its molecular structure by that point. I was super paranoid no matter how well I cleaned it that it’s still poison my family with some sort of new mutated super pathogen.

But I couldn’t let my mom know what happened.

So I buried it in the backyard.

And I was in the clear for two years, until someone in my family was digging back there, and it was unearthed, and my mom found out everything,

And I walked into my basement bedroom and it was in my window like the damn pet cemetery