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[alli-grxves-blog]

Alli’s eyes widened as she turned her head to look at the other, “He threatened to break your arms? Remind me to steer clear of that guy,” she shook her head. “I did meet this kid - he’s really into Mayan culture? Maybe Aztec.. I don’t know. Either way he would stop talking about using human heads for sport... which is so gross.” Alli walked through the door, thanking Hannah in the process. “Hopefully. They really should have more signs in this place.”

[alli-grxves-blog]

Alli had met her fair share of doctors that wouldn’t listen to her. On more than one occasion she met with doctors who - after a very short appointment - concluded that it was ‘all in her head’. She was told that nothing was wrong - everything was clean - and she was fine. She knew that wasn’t true. She knew nothing she was going through was “for attention”. Who fakes partial paralysis? A quick sigh escaped her lips, “Tell me about it. It’s almost impressive how much I instantly did not enjoy this place.”

[alli-grxves-blog]

You got your eye on anyone? There are plenty of single people around

“uh…no, i don’t think so? not really…”

[alli-grxves-blog]

Listen here: (x)

WARNING: lots of rambling happens ahead (especially with stone walls i love that song a lot i’m sorry). also there’s a lot of slow sad music. proceed with caution.

01. Migraine - Twenty One Pilots

Ok, personally, I think this one’s kind of obvious but you want explanations and I’m gonna give them to you. Alli - my smol bean - has chronic hemiplegic migraines so she takes this song at bit more literally than most would. The whole thing is very relateable to her and her experiences even though it’s mostly a metaphor.

am i the only one i know waging my wars behind my face and above my throat...

02. Jupiter - Sleeping at Last

I picked this song because I liked the line: “make this chaos count”. I think that, when it comes to Al’s medical journey, it was quite the whirlwind. She went from being fine to being paralyzed without warning. It’s also like 86.39 percent calming instrumental music and it’s just really soothing and who can listen to real loud music when your head is exploding??

make this chaos count let every fracture in me shatter out loud

03. Grand Optimist - City and Colour

This song is like 1149 percent allison graves. The whole thing just describes her. The song is about someone who had all these hopes and dreams and goals and then whatever happened and they just don’t have the same outlook. Alli had plans and goals but she was knocked on her ass and fighting to get up and continue those dreams is something she has to work toward every day.

i used to be quite resilient

04. Medicine - Daughter

This song has kind of the same vibes as The Grand Optimist maybe thats bc they played them in the same show where my saving hope fans at ANYWAY, this one gives me more of the “medical aspect” of it all. Being pumped full of drugs is not cool - it makes you feel gross and is just not a fun way to live - but they do give you a second chance and they give you the ability to live at least some kind of life and i think that this song is a good way for Alli to remind herself of that.

you’ve got a beautiful brain but its disintegrating 

05. Even if we Try - Night Beds

This is another song I picked because it was calm and slow and for some reason that’s important to me. It’s got a very hopeless tone to it which I feel like Alli gets caught in hopeless ruts especially during a flare. She’s literally stuck sometimes and it takes a lot out of a human to become bed bound especially when you’re so used to getting up and making the most of everything. It can be heavy for that to change and this is a pretty heavy song.

even if we try to make ourselves alright to mend our severed lives

06. Life is Short - Butterfly Boucher

THIS SONG ISNT SLOW AND SAD BE PROUD!!! Really though, all I know is slow and sad. Anyway, this song brings back the hope. It’s basically like, yeah, life’s short but you gotta live it right. Don’t let shit get you down. Stand up. All that jazz. 

could this be the day i’ve waited for?

07. Ready to Rise - Vaughan Penn

I think this song, specifically the two lines i picked out to showcase in this description, are geared more toward Alli coming to serenity.  She’s kind of trying to find her niche and it takes a bit of work and effort but she should find it if she doesn’t give up looking for it. There’s bound to be a place for her if she doesn’t bury herself away.

well, you can’t find where you belong no you can’t find where you fit in

08. Wreck of the Day - Anna Nalick

AND WE’RE BACK TO SLOW AND SAD! Wow I’m glad that hopeful, happy break didn’t last for too long. This song is very much Alli on a bad day. Honestly this song is just really calming and nice to listen to which is very much good for brain pain which is something i just came up with and now what i’m calling headaches now. 

if this is giving up then i’m giving up

09. Teen Idle - Marina and the Diamonds

This is just being a teenager in a song. Any teenager relates to this. Everyone wants to be someone they’re not. There’s always someone you perceive as better than you and teenage life is just feeling like you’re stuck. This is exactly what this song embodies but it works really well.

the wasted years the wasted youth

10. Stone Walls - We the Kings

THIS SONG!!!! THIS FUCKIN SONG!!!! I love this song with all of my heart and soul and I think it relates to anyone who has ever been through any form of rough time. It has such a hopeful message to it but in the most calming way. It’s like listening to a hug. It’s like someone sat you down and gave you hug, a blanket, and the best hot chocolate money can buy and said “it’s going to be okay” and just loved you. and supported you. and made sure you were okay. I sat here and struggled to pick just two lines and eventually i gave in and posted a large majority of the chorus and the bridge because it’s so perfect. It’s just all the reassurance you need for life. I don’t care if you dropped your pencil or school just sucks or work is stressing you out or family is being annoying and you need to get away or you are at the lowest point you’ve ever been and you don’t know how the hell you’re going to make it out. This song just lights a spark in a dark area and alli and her loneliness needs a damn musical hug right now. She needs support because she feels unwanted and broken because her parent shipper her off to serenity. but it’s okay this perfect song is there for her. the chorus of voices is just reassurance in melody. oh my god. I love it. 

for so long we’re so strong we shine until we fade but don’t stop burning

we are all we are we are who we are

[alli-grxves-blog]

“Sounds exactly like school to me,” Alli shrugged, a half hearted chuckle escaping her lips. “It just kind of feels like everyone has their place and no one seems open enough to let you in with them,” she huffed lightly. “Does this seem familiar to you?” She looked over at the other girl.

[alli-grxves-blog]

Alli jumped back a bit as the unfamiliar boy leaned forward and touched her. “Yeah, I heard you... but - uh - sorry, that was just kind of a...” she stopped, searching carefully for the right word, “random question,” her voice rising a bit, making her statement more a rhetorical question. “It caught me a bit off guard,” she shrugged lightly.

“Actually - I think I like not using human heads for things,” she offered up in return. “It’s a bit more sanitary now. That and a lot less creepy..” she trailed off a bit. The current topic of discussion made for an uneasiness in Alli’s stomach. “What if we change the subject - just a bit? Maybe start with something - a little less - hard hitting - like what’s your name?”

[alli-grxves-blog]

“You really don’t have to. It’s not that big of a deal,” Alli shrugged. “They really weren’t my favorite anyway, honestly. And I don’t really need the sweets.”

[alli-grxves-blog]

Alli nodded once. She rubbed her fingers against her temples,attempting to ease the ever-so-slightly increasing pain pounding against her skull. “I bet they’d get a lot further in treatments if they actually listened to the patients but maybe that’s just me,” she said with a small shrug. “No. I’ve only been here a couple of days. Still kind of intimidated by the whole thing honestly. What about you? How long have you been here?”

[alli-grxves-blog]

“Yeah, I just got here..” She said with a small nod. “Thanks, I’m on the medical ward. Room 307..”

[alli-grxves-blog]

Alli nodded. It was good to know there was someone still learning the ropes. Everyone seemed to already had figure out their place and learing to fit in, she could assume, wasn’t going to be an easy task. Having someone to go through it with made it a bit better. “Well, I definitely wasn’t going to blame you,” Alli said with a small chuckle before shrugging. “I’ve met a few people. Didn’t really get much further than what’s your name and why are you here though. Everyone seems okay, but it kind of feels like the first day at a new school, ya know?”

[alli-grxves-blog]

“You’re probably right about that,” Alli chuckled a bit. “Yeah, so I’m definitely not where I need to be. I am talented,” she stressed. “Yeah, I’m medical. So, this is like the blind leading the blind then. Awesome. You haven’t been here long then I take it?” Alli asked lightly just trying to make conversation.

[alli-grxves-blog]

Alli narrowed her eyes a bit, sensing the hint of sarcasm coming through. Clearly, she had a lot to learn about how much was too much in this place. Although, Alli didn’t really see it as too much, she was just trying to be friendly. Maybe friendly was the wrong way to go for some people. “A pretty shitty brain,” Alli shrugged. “What about you? Why are you here?” She asked, hoping that wasn’t prying too much although the other had asked first so she assumed she had the right to return the question.

[alli-grxves-blog]

Alli, slowly beginning to get acquainted with her new surroundings, was sitting off by herself but near a large group of people. She was trying to make friends, or at least give herself the illusion of friends but it was getting to be too much. The all too familiar pounding in her head was beginning to increase so, as to avoid severely screwing herself over, she listened to her body and kept her distance.

She looked up from her book that she was less reading and more mindless staring at when she noticed someone walking toward her. Her eyebrows furrowed at his question. What sort of introduction...? Alli took a second to process what he’d said before she shook her head, “I-uh-I’m sorry...what?”

Always skeptical of new people, Nate proceeded with caution as he sat barricaded by a bunch of other boys his age. They all meant nothing to him, but that wasn’t why his eyes wandered to other areas. He hadn’t eaten, and that was more because his stomach felt hollow with the thought of Peter, Laurie, David, and Emma all against him. Without any friends, he was going to surely be the reigning underdog of their crew.

Noticing a particular face in the crowd that he hadn’t seen before, he thought that perhaps it was another chance of redemption. Not that he was particularly talented at making friends in the first place, Nate walked over to the dark haired girl, sitting directly across the table from her. “How do you feel about the Aztecs using human heads for their sports?” –Did he just say that out loud?

@alli-grxves

[alli-grxves-blog]

“If you can’t that’s okay. Sleeping in the hall is cool with me. I’m sure it won’t be too bad.” She shrugged, a light laugh leaving her mouth. “It’s room 307. I was given directions when I got here but me, being me, got turned around at some point so here I am. I’m Alli, by the way.”

[alli-grxves-blog]

“Oh. Sorry,” Alli quickly moved her eyes away from the blonde although she looked back up at her when she began speaking again. “I wasn’t meaning to stare at you I was just kind of thinking..” she shrugged.

“Look, can I help you with something? The whole staring at me thing is really starting to creep me out…” 

[alli-grxves-blog]

“So you take a lef- maybe it was a right. Shit. I don’t know..” Alli mumbled to herself as she attempted to navigate the halls of Serenity. She stopped for a second and looked around, spotting another person. “Hey, sorry to bother you but I’m so lost. I was just - can you help me find my room?”