alj327

[alj327]

AITA for cutting off my MIL.

I (23F) and my fiancé(24M) have been together for 3 years now. We have a child together who is about to turn 8 months old. When him and I first started dating, everything seemed normal, everyone got along really well, (I’ve ALWAYS loved and respected her and even took her side most times if there was an issue) or so I thought.

A few months in I started to notice a few red flags coming from the MIL. Always complaining about my fiancé and the things he chooses to do with his life and just over all a bit controlling when it came to him. She was always belittling him and making him feel like he was a “fuck up.” Always making rude comments about him, calling him lazy and even stupid, always doing it infront of other people but would make it seem like she was joking. She was legitimately treating him like he was a child. She was always needing to know what he was doing at all times, couldn’t leave the house without being questioned, couldn’t spend money without being questioned or complaining. (Granted yes, we were living in her home until our house was ready to move into.) Then it escalated to me being questioned about everything that I do, my job, my money, my bills, everything. So fast forward to us finding out we were expecting a child and everything started to get MUCH worse. Her initial reaction to her finding out we were expecting was the biggest red flag of them all. She stated that she wanted nothing to do with our child and we ruined our lives. That’s when I should have cut all ties but me being me, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and just told myself, she’s upset, we’re young and don’t have everything figured out just yet, so I kind of understand where she was coming from but saying you want nothing to do with your own grandchild out of pure anger and personal issues with your son, is NOT okay. There was a major argument between the MIL and my fiancé. I ended up leaving because I didn’t want to hear anything else that she was saying about me. I’ve always kept quiet regardless of my feelings just to keep the peace between everyone. I do not do confrontation. I have really bad anxiety when it comes to things like this. I don’t like the feeling of making people upset or people being upset with me. She ends up calling me and telling me she’s sorry and she didn’t mean what she said and that I could come back. I told her I don’t think I could go back because I was obviously very upset that she would say such a thing about her grandchild and the things she’s said about me as well considering she basically knows absolutely nothing about me, and never cared to know. She’s never asked me if I was doing okay or even cared about my mental or emotional health. She never cared to know anything about my past or what I’ve gone through. The only thing she cared about was if I had a job. That’s it.

Now moving forward to us being adults, being in our own home, and having our own family now. Things went okay after our son was born and we got along here and there but there was ALWAYS something she didn’t like that we were doing and there was an issue almost every single day between my fiancé and her. It started to effect my mental and emotional health and my own relationship. I didn’t feel like I was wanted around or I just simply couldn’t be myself around her. I just felt so uneasy and she honestly made my first pregnancy that was supposed to be one of the best times of my life, a living hell and it even got to the point where I didn’t want to be alive anymore because she made me feel like I was the root to all of the problems that there was between us three. I’ve never felt so low and there was a lot of stress put onto me because of her. So anyway, we’re in our own home, and need I remind you, we’re both also grown. The problems between her and him just escalated more and more to the point where she didn’t trust us, and was basically just trying to control every aspect of our lives. She’s been caught opening our mail to find things out that have nothing to do with her, driving past our home a few times a week to see if we were at work, constantly accusing us of lying, trying to control our finances, and even tried to control the way we raise our son and always had some type of unsolicited advice that we didn’t want or need. So I decided to finally stick up for myself and my family and tell her that I needed to remove myself from the whole situation. She has another son that she would NEVER, ever do these things to because she knows it would never fly with him. So why are we any different? I told her I needed to remind myself that I am NOT her child, I am a grown woman with my own family and I am not obligated to deal with the stress and the overall disrespect to my fiancé and myself. I also don’t believe that she gets to do the things she does and disrespect me and her own son and still have full access to our child. If you disrespect me, you’re disrespecting half of my child and I’m not okay with that. So I’ve finally had enough and couldn’t take it anymore because I’m not going to let my mental and emotional health keep plummeting over somebody who never sees an issue with her actions and never tries to even attempt to change. And I’m not saying that I’m 100% innocent here because I’m not. But I definitely don’t think that I’ve done anything to this woman to make her dislike me so much that I came to all of this. I believe it’s also a major red flag to treat your own child the way she’s treated her own son. So.. am I the asshole here?