aliiife

[aliiife]

I want to be still. I want to be calm, I want to be like the oak trees that stand tall thru the storm, unbothered by conditions a great home for animals & fungus, give life with mass abundance

[aliiife]

My brain feels like it’s rotting from the inside out information I’m intaking don’t mean shit to me now I traded in shots of gin for taking multivitamins my stomach almost took me out almost convinced me it was time to end now where shall I begin?

[aliiife]

There are no confides in your imagination, take an adventure with your subconscious self. The world you know is not what’s felt, no boundaries exist, no constraints to hold you down, let the magic flow thru you with the wonder of a kid, no judgement in your thoughts no worries in your mind, close your eyes to see inside, and when your eyes are opened, let your curiosity run wild.

[aliiife]

My brain feels like it’s rotting from the inside out information I’m intaking don’t me shit to me now

[aliiife]

“There is a morning inside you waiting to burst open into light.” — Rumi

Miboso @miboso__ First Light

[aliiife]

I told the moon my deepest regrets I spoke to it with no judgement from it, I opened my chest & let go of the stress, of the weight that’s been pressing against my heart. I feel free in this moment in others I feel lost. Stuck in the past with no way to resolve, I’m facing the same problems over and over again looking for a different outcome, am I insane? Or am I afraid to let go of the pain cause that’s where I keep your name, that’s where I keep the last feelings I felt when you left. I been stuck in this mess trying to organize it again. The burden is my own to carry alone. My heart beats a mile a minute while I struggle & fidget trying to come to terms that you no longer exist, how could this be? We were supposed to grow old and watch the kids have their kids? The universe robbed me of my best friend, at least that’s what rushes thru my head when I sit & let my mind try to make sense of it. I know you’re still around I feel you in the wind in the warmth of the sun in the calm of the clouds the photons that bounces off your face caress me when I let go of the thoughts, when I surrender to the light I feel you around, still smoking a blunt still lounging around, still tending to your plants, still holding it down. I’ll always look for you Fabiancito your sparkle still glistens in my eyes

[aliiife]

I spent 2024 inside the hyperbolic chamber

[aliiife]

I never thought that I’d see 33, even if I did I’d never imagine it would be what’s in front of me. I’m closer to the end or maybe in between? How long does it take to live a life? What’s the proper way to find your drive? How do I give it my all when it takes everything I got to get outa bed?

[aliiife]

Son of the moon king of the sun, come to terms with my hatred introduce it to my love maybe then I’ll become one

[aliiife]

Aches and pains is the name of the game coming to terms im getting to an old age. 33 hit me like a sock full of quarters. I feel pins and needles, but my mind feels in order. the more pain bestowed on me the clearer my mind can see. A life with no purpose still holds a purpose. The days you spend miserable are still worth it. The bad thoughts fade away when the earth shifts. The sun still shines on your skin when the clouds fade, the wind still calms your nerves it’s the earth speaking in kind words do you listen to her songs? The leaves dancing on the sidewalk as you stroll along.

[aliiife]

A poem a day keeps the monsters at bay

[aliiife]

How can I be omnipresent when I’m drowning in depression, no longer looking forward I’m focused on reflections, or better yet reflecting, what would have life been if I wasn’t always stressing? That’s past my realm of comprehension, this pain is all I know, this sadness is my home, inside the void I hold the throne I’m at my best when I’m alone.

[aliiife]

“Yin yang, male and female, strong and weak, rigid and tender, heaven and earth, light and darkness, thunder and lightning, cold and warmth, good and evil...the interplay of opposite principles constitutes the universe.” ― Confucius

Artist • Tianhua Xu

[aliiife]

It takes me so long to find a spark in my mind.

The sec I open up my phone the fires all gone only embers remain

no imagination cheers to the algorithm yeah congratulations trapped inside the matrix

locked inside of cages that resemble screens sittin in my mezzanine contemplating anything emptiness is heavenly

sensory deprivation mass hallucinations while I’m on the PlayStation life’s a video game ain’t it?

Pass the sticks

[aliiife]

It’s Sunday I’m lost I can’t control my train of thoughts derailed em all for the breath of fall too much memes & conversations with myself they crash into the wall that I thought was a tunnel the collections erupted & scattered all over my insides I painted with my eyes the colors don’t find lines they do what my mind does best scramble everything & leave it an unfinished mess

[aliiife]

It’s been a minute since I wrote in this.

A lot of things going thru my head wish I could just hold it in.

I feel like exploding it.

Or maybe take control of it.

Am I now what a poet is?

Have I endured enough heart ache?

I still haven’t lost faith,

the darkness it calms me.

some days I feel okay.

others I feel like a bomb made a hole where my heart lays

the emptiness calls me

Its presence is daunting

It’s killing my softly

I’m sipping my coffee

Hopefully it’ll stop these thoughts that keep floating around me

[aliiife]

Depression sets in.

I can’t believe I’m stressing again.

My mantras broken.

They are no longer working for me.

I lost my purpose.

I feel like I am stranded at sea.

I make no sense now I dream about the things that I be.

I mean who I used to be. 

No longer part of that person.

I guess a shell of me, is all that exists now.

Inside the moment in time, inside this vacuum of space.

I’m slowly drifting away, slowly drifting away……..