aliiciaecho

[aliiciaecho]

A fallen dream

September 6th, 2022 by Echo

// this is a ramble i wrote when i had a very bad depressive episode about feeling stuck and hopeless in life. still applies now lol //

I’m holding on to a dead dream, a dead passion that doesn’t exist anymore.

The promise I made when I was younger is holding me back, yet it’s supposed to be the one that drives me forward.

It hurts and it's tearing me apart.

I can't let go of the dream because I start getting delusional. I cant let go because I start thinking that maybe it's a sign that I'm not supposed to give up and that it is my destined path and the Universe is guiding me. It's a never-ending cycle.

Younger me told myself that I can't quit no matter what until I reach the goal— the goal I'm not even able to describe. I myself don’t even know what it is but I just know that I’m not supposed to give up...

I wish I could tell my younger self to stop dreaming, stop being delusional, be realistic.

I wish I could erase my memory of that pact I made with myself that I just cant let go of.

I wish i could just let the dream die peacefully, for it to stop trying to feel so alive, stop trying to catch that last breath, to just surrender...

I wish I could stop dreaming on.

I wish I could stop being so hard-headed.

I wish I could restart.

I wish the Universe didn't plant this chimeric dream inside of me.

I wish I didn't have the opportunity to think this way.

I wish I didn't have the opportunity to feel this way.

I wish I could just be simple — a simple, thoughtless creature.

I wish I could just not be so hopeful and dreaming.

I wish I wasn't so ambitious.

I wish my mind wasn't so complicated.

I wish I could forget.

I wish I could let go.

I want to be at peace.

I'll just keep hoping that somewhere out there, in another timeline, everything goes my way.