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The Importance of Story Telling

Like any kid, I loved hearing stories when I was a kid.  Fortunately for me, my dad loved telling stories and he was good at it.  Even when he told the same story over and over again, I loved hearing it because my dad knew how to tell it like he was telling it for the very first time.  He told many stories that he made up.  But he also told stories of our relatives.  He told stories of his mother and how she was a strong woman who took crap from no one.  He would proudly tell stories of how everyone in town knew who she was and that when she meant business, everyone knew not to challenge her.  

In all the stories that he told of his mother, father, my uncles and aunts, my dad always emphasized kindness in the stories that he told of the people that he admired.  He told of how my grandmother, a strong woman, would always be feeding the homeless in town.  He told of how my grandfather would not sleep until he was certain that his neighbor, who had just lost their father, was okay.  Kindness was considered one of the highest values to my dad and it was made very clear in all of his stories.  Kindness was a virtue.  So, even though I don’t remember many occasions when my dad would tell me specifically that I should be kind above all else, I knew that that was pleasing to my dad.  And this has shaped who I am today.  

Being kind to others is a highly sought after characteristic.  We teach it to our kindergarteners and hope that they become kind adults who make our society a more tolerable place to live.  But it also created a struggle in me.  I frequently find myself evaluating whether my decision, small or big, measures up to the high level of kindness that I should be practicing.  I hold back my words, even in those times when I need to speak up, in fear of hurting someone’s feelings because that would be unkind.  All these subsequent struggles were not taught by my dad and were certainly not included in the stories that my dad told.  But, the kindness message was so strong in all the stories that my dad told, it got etched into the way of life for me.  

This is true for all of us.  Whether we realize it or not, we are deeply impacted by the stories that are told to us as kids.  Take a moment to think about what kind of stories were told in your family.  What stories did your mom and dad tell you about your grandparents, your relatives, your siblings, or even you?  What stories are legendary in your family?  Which stories are hushed and not allowed to be told?  And how has these stories shaped your life today?  This doesn’t mean that the stories govern our lives and that we are forever subjected to its messages.  Thinking of the stories of our families help us understand ourselves better and why we act or think the way we do.  

I would like to end with this.  What story does God tell us?  What is the ultimate story that shapes our past, present, and our future and redefines who we are?  It is the story of Christ.  The story of Christ is one of redemption.  The story of Christ says that we are valued, we are loved, and treasured by our Heavenly Father.  Yes.  This story trumps all the stories that we are told.  It does not completely erase all the other stories.  The redemption story rewrites all the other stories for us.  It is a story of hope, restoration, and deep love.  Our story in Christ always ends in redemption.  

Sarah Yeo, Counseling Intern at Revision Christian Counseling

www.RevisionChristianCounseling.com

314-802-6232

*This post was inspired by the article “The Power of Family Stories” by Dan B. Allender and Lisa K. Fann

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Reducing Anxiety

written by staff counselor at Revision, Andy Kerckhoff, MA, CIT

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. Every human experiences anxiety. It is 100% normal, natural, and essential to life.

Anxiety is a natural force that protects human life. We are hard-wired to sense threats to our wellbeing and to protect ourselves when threatened. Anxiety rises highest when we cannot control something that is a real and present danger to our body, mind, or social standing. Anxiety serves a very good purpose often. It helps us to focus intently on something very important. Some stress is good for us. It motivates us to do what needs to be done to survive or to thrive.

Unfortunately, an unhealthy level of anxiety is on the rise in many ways. The news is making us more anxious than ever about the world in general. Fear captivates our attention and changes our perceptions. Smartphones and social media have increased the amount and intensity of anxiety. Public embarrassment can be swift and practically permanent online. And the stories that we consume on TV often make us all the more anxious, as we perceive that the whole world has gone mad. An anxious culture, anxious families, and even anxious individuals can foster more anxiety among otherwise healthy people.

Anxiety turns into a ‘disorder’ (a disruption to normal functioning) when anxiety and its sensations and symptoms interfere with a normal lifestyle. There are many anxiety disorders, including Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), Panic Disorder, and phobias.

Approximately 40 million American adults — roughly 18% of the population — have an anxiety disorder (Anxiety and Depression Association of America). Some estimates put this number higher – approximately 30 percent – as many people don’t seek help, are misdiagnosed, or don’t know they have it.

Over the last 10 years, 54 percent of women and 46 percent of menexperienced anxiety disorder (ADAA). 43% of North Americans take mood altering prescriptions regularly. Recreational drugs are often used to cope with anxiety.  42% of young adults in America regularly use recreational drugs (National Institute on Drug Abuse).

The purpose of this article is not to help anyone diagnose themselves. That should be left to professional counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists. I highly recommend seeking professional help if anxiety persists (more days than not) for more than a month. The purpose of this article is to offer some tools to anyone who struggles with anxiety, whether they have a clinical diagnosis or not.

Few of us are taught how to handle anxious moments. The best coaches are very good at teaching athletes how to manage anxiety and focus on what needs to be done now. The key is to learn to ride the wave of stress and manage the anxiety

While eliminating anxiety is neither possible nor desirable, there are many ways to successfully reduce anxiety to tolerable levels. The following is a list of some of the proven techniques to reduce anxiety. Not every tool works for everybody, of course, however, I highly recommend trying all of these things in the next few months. They are powerful agents of relaxation and emotional resiliency.

Sleeping – Improve your sleep hygiene to get 7-9 hours of sleep each night. Sleep helps everything.

Breathing – Breath deeply with your whole lungs and your belly, especially when stressed. Anxious people breath shallow which makes things even worse.

Eating – Eat a balanced diet that is low in sugar and carbs, high in protein, fruits, veggies. Enjoy your meals. Savor the flavors.

Drinking – Consume lots of water. Avoid caffeine and sugar-loaded drinks, which stimulate anxiety.

Walking – Long walks has so many mental health benefits. It is the most underrated activity.

Moving – Stand, stretch, lift, walk throughout the day. Planks, squats, yoga poses. Anything but sitting.

Socializing – Connect with people. Laugh, smile, talk, help. Avoid negative people. Social connections can be very calming.

Focusing – Focus on one thing at a time. Prioritize. Do less things better. Slow down.

Nature – Get outdoors in God’s garden. Walk, hike, bike, kayak. Anything outside. Even being with a pet is a bit of nature you can enjoy.

Meditating – Learn to quiet your mind and be in a moment. This does not have to be long. Brief moments of meditation through the day are relaxing.

Praying – Give thanks to God. Pray for others’ needs. Listen to Him. Touching the eternal puts things in a better perspective.

Playing – Do some fun things that are life-giving. Learn new skills within your hobbies. A simple frisbee toss can loosen your mood.

Learning – Learn new skills and words. Be curious. Have a growth mindset.

Viewing – Watch videos, shows, and movies that are uplifting, enlightening, fun.

Listening – Play happy music, interesting podcasts, great sermons, comedians.

Resting – Put your feet up. Take a 20 minute nap. Read for fun. Don’t multitask.

Reading – Read biographies of successful people’s struggles and victories. Read a sacred text or some poetry. Read for fun.

Working – Work within boundaries. Focus on the enjoyable aspects of work.

Creating – Create. Decorate. Do anything creative that you enjoy.

Organizing – Without getting obsessive, clean out a closet or drawer in 20 minutes. Create a little order.

Massaging – Rub your temples and cheek. Stretch your neck. Rub your feet. Anything to loosen up those tight spots a little.

Smelling – Burn candles or incense. Open windows. Bake some cookies. Aromatherapy is real.

Posing – Posture matters. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. Smile a little. Your position can help your attitude.

Petting – Pet your dog, cat, or fish. Play with the animals in your life. It is good therapy.

Counseling – Seek the counsel of wise mentors in your life, and don’t be afraid to try a professional counselor. They can be tremendously helpful.

Medication – Most people do not need medication, but certainly some do. A good professional counselor can help you decide if you need to see a psychiatrist for medication. Medication is often the most valuable tool of all, as long as you follow the doctor’s orders carefully and are patient with the time it will take to find the right treatment. It often takes several weeks, if not months, but it can be a real game changer.

Take control of your anxiety as much as possible by practicing these anti-anxiety tools. Try one today. Try another one tomorrow. And another each day. Until you figure out what works for you. Surely, some of these tools will help you manage your anxiety better.

Peace be with you.

Andy Kerckhoff

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Optimal Performance

People are like cars. Both have plenty of moving parts that must work together for optimal performance. Fuel and clean oil are essential to a car’s functioning. Similarly, people need the physical fuel of food and water to live, but the clean emotional “oil” plays a big role in whether they thrive. I find it easy to forget or delay an oil change because the threat to functioning is not imminent.  It’s usually the bright orange light in the shape of an engine that motivates me to act.

While we don't have the luxury of a check engine light to bring our attention to a potentially problematic issue, our bodies do have ways of communicating something's not right. The signals can be as subtle as a check engine light or as obvious as a smoking engine.

Pause and take note of what your body may be telling you.

Are you tired all the time? Does your digestive system act up when you are stressed or anxious? Does your heart race in certain everyday situations? Have you experienced changes in libido? Do your shoulders often get tense? Do you feel a prevailing sense of loneliness? Has your appetite changed? Are you more argumentative with friends or family?

These questions are not meant to be exhaustive. Each person’s body manifests symptoms differently. What one person thinks, does, feels when he or she is anxious may look radically different from another person experiencing anxiety. The point is to foster awareness of your body is telling YOU.

Explore your symptoms.

Once you have taken note of some messages your body may be communicating, begin to explore those symptoms. How long have you felt this way? Can you pinpoint the beginning to a specific event? When do you notice it happening? What makes it worse? What makes it better?

It’s okay if you can’t answer some of these questions right away. This leads me to my third and final point.

Ask for help.

Cars don’t fix themselves. Neither should people. Not all physical ailments mean something is wrong emotionally, but physical symptoms and emotional disturbances often go hand in hand. Sometimes, the physical ailments can be the cause of unpleasant emotions like sadness, anger, fear and anxiety. While these emotions are uncomfortable, they too serve a purpose and we cannot simply push them aside. This is where the help of a counselor, confidant and/or doctor may be helpful to you. Having someone else share the burden you feel either physically or emotionally can be a stepping stone toward healing and “optimal performance.”

Christina R. Basham, MA, PLPC

www.RevisionChristianCounseling.com

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Thankful for Forgiveness

Forgiveness (according to wiki)

 The intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.

I recently had someone hurt me.  I cried, I got mad, I felt sad. The therapist inside of me said, “Well done! You are letting yourself grieve and feel and, boy are you doing a great job of expressing yourself!” 

Then I got entitled, bitter, and vengeful. The Jesus inside of me heard me saying inside of my own head, “They don’t deserve my kindness,” and also had something to say. 

 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (Bible - Philippians 2)

Entitlement is a wicked thing. It manipulates us and causes harm to us. “I have a right to ....” is a dangerous place to live. And it is a place even Jesus stayed away from. Jesus knew who he was an what privilege that brought him and still chose, daily, to sit in humility.  When people hurt him he always chose forgiveness, to the point of saying, “I don’t condemn you.” 

So I considered all of this as I sat in my entitlement and I had a conversation with God. Forgiveness typically happens with God first. I told him that I give up the right to keep replaying the hurt so that I can feel my anger justified. I told him I give up the right to stay angry at this person for something they have already confessed to. I told him I give up the right to think of myself better than them. I told him I know that is ridiculous and I am sorry for thinking that my sin is not as bad someone else’s. 

And then I felt good. Really good. I thanked God that He put forgiveness as the pillar of the gospel. I thanked Him that as a Christian, I get to follow Jesus’ example of forgiveness and freedom.

So, brave one, what are you entitled to? What do you have the right to hold on to? 

Alicia Seidler

www.RevisionChristianCounseling.com

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Wonderful Creation

Written by Brad Werner, Counselor at Revision Christian Counseling

Have you ever watched a new parent hold their baby?  If you have, do you remember the amazement, delight, fascination and wonder the parents exhibit with every sound or move their baby makes?  This is but a small picture of the way our Heavenly Father delights in us as His dearly loved children.  He is thrilled with us as well for we are His creation: "fearfully and wonderfully made". He is completely taken with as He "rejoices over us with singing".  As God's image bearers we are infinitely exalted.  We have great dignity, glory, beauty.  

At this point I have this incredible pull to balance out the "glory" of being created in the image of God with examples of the depravity in our fallen nature. But no, today I will highlight the dignity of being human, and only that.

As C.S. Lewis has said-

“It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship...There are no ordinary people."

How would this reality, if you really believed it, change how you see yourself? Maybe you could begin to believe that you really are a wonderful gift God has given to the world.

Brad Werner

WWW.RevisionChristianCounseling.com

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Wired for Change

Have you noticed that a month before summer turns to fall we have dreams of hoodies and falling leaves and by January we are longing for flip flops and home grown tomatoes? What changes in 3 months to make us want something completely different than what we just longed for? Could it be that we are wired for change more than we think?

Most Americans will claim a disdain for change....just give me what I’m used to...the same schedule, same routine, same friends, same income (well, maybe not that last one).  And when things deviate from that routine, a sort of frantic energy rises up inside of us as if we are one hand’s grip away from being ripped up into the swirl of the tornado. 

It seems we are always shocked that this life is in constant change, even though most things in nature reflect a seasonal aspect. Trees grow green and lush only to lose everything they worked hard to produce in the same year, reptiles shed their entire skin once a month, and even our children change in stature and abilities sometimes monthly. Change is the rule, not the exception.

So why the denial of change? Why do we grip harder when things seem to shift in our life? What are we afraid of? As any good counselor would do, I’m going to throw that back at you. 

Why is this change threatening? What are you afraid to lose? 

Take a minute to get personal with yourself and allow yourself some room to grieve for a minute. All change naturally means that something is going to be lost in the transition process. I give you permission to acknowledge that. Acknowledge it rather than standing in denial. Our natural response is to run from the threat or fight the threat or shut down. We take a passive stance and watch the change happen without engaging. This creates more fear and robs us of the lesson in the change and the ability to successfully transition into the next season. Work the change, don’t play tug of war with the change.

So when your job responsibilities shift, your daughter decides that her bffs are wiser than you, or your friends all become very busy, fight through the urge to deny that your next season is here! Instead study the change, name the change, make a plan for the change, and pray about the change.  After all, God is not surprised by the change and He can be a refuge in this time because who He is does not change. 

I ask you, what season are you in?

Alicia Seidler 

www.RevisionChristianCounseling.com

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Redemption

What do you see here?

This is a picture of a house that my husband and I recently viewed in south Saint Louis. Can I tell you that I left this viewing extremely excited? You may have another response....disgust, repulsion, overwhelmed? Maybe you see too much work and filth and very little return. If you are a mom you might have the urge to find your vacuum cleaner if you stare at the picture too long. My son uses the word “yucky” to describe what he sees. So, why would I be excited?

I saw the 100 year old woodwork that no one has tried to paint white. I saw stained glass windows. I saw carpet, protecting original hardwood flooring. I saw potential that I get to turn into what I’ve only dreamed about. (And I saw wallpaper that is just nothing but a pain...)

And then I sat quietly before the Lord and He showed me something. I get repulsed at myself sometimes. I’m a lot of work and sometimes the sin in my heart and the baggage I carry overwhelms me. I long then for heaven as a way to escape my shortcomings and my failings.

But God knew we would feel this way and His answer isn't escape: It’s redemption. He knew we would hate our reflection in the mirror or our tone with our kids or our selfishness at work. This is why He had to send someone to take on all of that disgust and filth. Someone that stepped into our unwashed, unkempt world to show us how much the Father loves us.

You see, you and I are the workmanship of God. Just think about the quality of God’s work. Psalm 139 uses words like marvelous, wonderful, and skillful to describe God’s work on us. 

So next time you are repulsed, ashamed, or embarrassed about what the picture of you looks like, please remember, dear one, that God is excited to see His work. His marvelous, skillful, wonderful work in you.

Alicia Seidler, Revision Christian Counseling

www.RevisionChristianCounseling.com

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Already But Not Yet

Post by Brad Werner, Counselor, Revision Christian Counseling

Vienna's high society tolerated him despite his repulsive appearance, not to mention his unruly manners. He frequently caused unpleasant scenes where he would excitedly call people cheats (or worse) in public. One of his students described him this way: “He was most awkward and bungling in his behavior; his clumsy movements lacked all grace. He never learned to dance in time with the music.”  Who was he describing?  None other than Ludwig Von Beethoven.

Like the contrast between Beethoven's creative musical genius and his lack of social grace, I am often frustrated by the fact that I seem to be two different people. I am often as awkward as Beethoven, personally and socially.  Awkward, cold-hearted, angry, stubborn, selfish - all of these words can be used to describe me at times in my relationships with other people.  (Don’t believe me?  Just ask my wife.)  And to make matters worse, those same tendencies can often describe how I act toward God. I know that God loves me, yet I don't always love God or others very well. I have been changed by God’s mercy, yet I often don’t extend that same mercy to others.  I have been radically forgiven, but I am hesitant to forgive others in the same way.  I have tasted the grace of God and yet I still sin. Why am I like this?

Theologians explain this tension in terms of the “already but not yet” reality of the Christian faith; i.e. the Holy Spirit is with us, we have His comfort and the power of the age to come right now. Yet we are still not completely free from things like lust, anger, heart attacks, cancer and death. We have the first fruits of the spirit but we continue to long for complete redemption. We are sinners yet God sees us as absolutely beautiful robed in the righteousness of Christ.  Paul describes this in terms of "groaning" - "…we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies." Because of the deposit of the Holy Spirit, we have the sure hope that one day we will be completely free and whole.

In this life Beethoven couldn't dance, but as believers in Jesus Christ you and I will dance one day. One day the “already” and “not yet” will be reconciled, we will be made completely whole and we will dance the dance of the redeemed.

RevisionChristianCounseling.com

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Amen

I have a lot of dreams for my son. One that tops the list is that he has a relationship with God.  I want him to know that saying you love God is more than following rules or being nice. I want him to know that there is someone beyond his mom and dad who knows him deeply and hears him always. I want him to have this relationship so that when the job, baby, or health is lost and nothing makes sense, he knows that God still loves him, sees him, and is preparing a future for him.  When life doesn't make sense, I want him to know that God is still present.

He’s two, so we do a lot of pretend play. He makes burgers for friends and coffee for granny, so we often pray for friends and family when they come to mind. Mom tries to sum up all the prayers for that person in two simple sentences so that he can repeat after me. And then the jovial, boisterous “Amen” at the end. That’s the fun part when you are two.

When he finds yet another bruise on his springtime legs, he gives a little pout, kisses it, and we ask God to help.  Please make it better, please stop it from hurting.  “Amen.” 

When the blanket is found, or the friend isn't sick anymore, we stop and say thank you God, and he will probably add an extra “Yay!” to his “Amen.” 

Why, when we age a few years, do we move away from simple, quick, and frequent prayers?  What shifts?  Life becomes more complicated, it’s more difficult to figure out how to sum up our requests into a few sentences. 

So we don’t. We stop talking. And because we stop talking, we stop asking. 

What would happen to your relationship with God if you simplified things? When you don't know how to put things into words, what if you tried to say two sentences? Does God still hear those prayers? Does he care about those? 

My two year old thinks so. 

Matthew 19:14

 One day children were brought to Jesus in the hope that he would lay hands on them and pray over them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus intervened: “Let the children alone, don’t prevent them from coming to me. God’s kingdom is made up of people like these.” After laying hands on them, he left.

May you give it a try.

Alicia Seidler

www.RevisionChristianCounseling.com

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In Remembrance of Me

Written by Brad Werner, Counselor at Revision Christian Counseling

When the hour came, Jesus and his apostles reclined at the table.  And he said to them, “I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it finds fulfillment in the kingdom of God.” After taking the cup, he gave thanks and said, “Take this and divide it among you. For I tell you I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes.” And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.” Luke 22

Some time ago, I was part of a group of people to get the privilege of having lunch with pastor, psychologist and Christian author Dr. Dan Allender at a Houlihan’s restaurant. He means a lot to me because he is a person whose books have challenged me to look deeply and seriously at how I relate to God and the people around me. He has revealed God's character to me through his books. I was not sitting very near him and I had to move my chair so I could see his face. Well, I didn't have to. I willingly moved my chair because I wanted to see his face.

I watched very intently how he reacted to what was going on around him - I wanted to see his range of emotion. I took in the joy he showed as people shared stories. I laughed along with him at all of the playful banter. And I saw the sadness and concern he had when a woman who was not with us bumped her head on the low slung hanging lamp near the table. I was focused on him so I could savor my time with him, but also so I would be able to remember him in the future.

This passages hinges on the phrase “do this in remembrance of me”. Jesus wants the apostles (and therefore you and I), to remember Him. The apostles here are face to face with Jesus. Over the past 3 years He has challenged them, taught them, confronted them and encouraged them. He has loved them and poured His life into them. His face reveals God’s character, hope, love and mercy.  It is to them the very face of God.  Why in the world would He have to tell them to do something to remember Him? How could they keep from remembering Him? But Jesus knows that the Peter, James and John, the rest of the disciples and all of us would have a tendency to forget. He wants them to know that when sickness, disease, divorce, addiction, depression and  loneliness break into their lives, they can look at His face for hope.

And we will be able to see His face because we have a place at the table. There is a special place at the table with your name on it. Jesus will one day set the table for the great Messianic banquet He promises all believers. We will eat and drink at the table He has set for you and me. This is the marriage supper of the lamb. 

Dan Allender, who I mentioned earlier, writes this:

 “Jesus invites us to eat bread as his flesh as we anticipate the coming banquet. In hope we scan the future, holding the bread to the horizon, thanking him for his sustenance, and calling for him to return soon. Then we drink wine as his blood, in awe that we are marked by his life, just as the doorposts were covered to spare us from death. We drink—taking in the fragrance of the bouquet and the sweetness of the taste. Awake and aroused, we anticipate eating and drinking with him again.” 

Healing Path p. 255

When we celebrate the Lord’s supper, Jesus is calling us to gaze into the face of God, and thereby receive grace for the road ahead.

Brad

www.RevisionChristianCounseling.com

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REST

I recently put this sign up in my window. It’s taken from the bible, the first chapter of Genesis.

And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.

As some of you know, the first chapter of Genesis is all about a very creative God. He dreamed up fish with their gills moving in and out and the way Gardenias smell so wonderful and the feeling of the sun shining on you, waking every inch of your skin. God dreamed up all of this and then made it happen. 

Then He shows us that He did something equally wonderful. He created rest: A time of allowing yourself to be present in all of his creation. His desire was for us to take it all in, every moment, every thought, every desire, every feeling. Just exist with it all. 

And here is the kicker: There was no end to God’s creative capabilities, yet he stood back and looked, said it was good, and rested. He called it good. He didn’t call it perfect. He didn’t put off rest for the sake of creating one more thing.  Do you think there is a limit to his creativity? Who knows, maybe the next thing he was to create was a flying elephant. But he didn’t, for the sake of teaching us rest.

I do not have the same self-control as God. I hope to improve, though. I see the shoe on the ground and I want to find its mate and put them in my son’s room. I see the stain on the chair and I want to get out the stain remover. I want to work in the baby book, look up a new recipe, read another psychology book, exercise. At some point, though, it has to be good. For me to enter into rest, I have to have a moment to declare my life, my surroundings, and my heart “good.”

How would your life change if you accepted that you have the power and the permission from God to declare your life good and rest? May you find out.

www.RevisionChristianCounseling.com

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Why do we get stuck?

revision [ri-vizh-uh n] :  from Late Latin revisionem (nominative revisio) "a seeing again" 

When it was time to name my practice I was reminded how very non-artistic I am. I knew what I didn't want: nothing cutesy, nothing unprofessional, and certainly not another version of the word love. I wanted to be totally authentic, down to the name. But what did that leave me with? 

Broken Counseling Make um Cry Blame Your Parents  Lost Hope Counseling

Luckily my husband is a little more creative than I am. So, here we are at Revision. And here is why it so perfectly sums up counseling. 

We live in a world of constant imperfection to the point of irreplaceable damage. Things are taken from us everyday that can never be completely restored: our naivety, our belief in ourselves, our trust in people. These losses can transform us into a shell of what we were meant to be. We get bitter, we make vows never to lose anything again, and we swear off the last bit of love that shines in our lives. We don't do this because we like to, we do this because we are desperate. Desperate to avoid pain and heartache and loneliness. 

And then we go to counseling and tell someone like me to fix all of that. Quickly. We're stuck and can't go on like this.

Someone like me is going to wonder about all that has been taken from you. I can't get it back for you. That is my heartache to bear with you. I can offer something, though, to get you unstuck. New vision. We are going to look at those times of great loss and see them differently. 

Your parents yelled at each other and then at you every night? They didn't hate you, you did nothing wrong, they didn't know how to love each other. 

Your mom told you she was proud of you once, the rest of your life you lived just a smidge shy of her approval? It wasn't that you were lacking, it was that she was scared. 

We need to see it all again, but with different eyes and ears and a person there to love us and care for us in a way that feeds our soul. Then we can live with a new vision of ourselves. And when we put that vision in line with the grace of the cross, the light at the end will be a pure, perfect beam, displaying God's love and forgiveness and smile. 

Revision: a seeing again. May you strive to get unstuck. 

Hope,

The Humble Observer

www.RevisionChristianCounseling.com

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The Hope of Renewal

By Brad Werner, Counselor at Revision Christian Counseling

Do you ever think your life should be different than it is?  You know if you just had another degree, or another $200 a month, or a little better break at the office, then things would be okay.  Why do we always think things should be better than they are?  One explanation is that we are living in the reality of the "between" time.  We live between the birth and the second coming of Christ.  Theologians have called this the age of “the already but not yet”.  The Apostle Paul describes the longing that believers feel in these days in terms of "groaning".  (Rom. 8:23)

When my dad was alive, I groaned for him.  He had a heart-attack in 1987 that he survived; but, his heart stopped beating long enough that he had severe brain damage.  After this, he was a completely different person and I groaned that I had lost the dad I had known all my life.  I groaned that Lilian, my wife, would never know my dad’s bright personality and that he would never completely know her; that he would never fully comprehend God's call on my life; (my becoming a pastor would have meant the world to him), that he would never know my children.  I groaned for my dad to be restored.  

Scripture gives me hope that there will come a day when I will groan no more, "Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped.  Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the tongue of the dumb shout for joy…"  (Is. 35:5-6) What an astounding thought!  One day my dad will have a glorified body with tremendous strength and agility.  If you have placed your faith in Jesus Christ, God will one day restore your physical body.  No more migraines, no more back pain and no more arthritis.  In your glorified state you will be without defect. Put in your mind's eye a picture of the most disabled or paralyzed person you know sky diving or doing gymnastics - literally doing cart wheels for joy.  Can you let yourself feel the absolute open mouthed, breath taking wonder of this thought?

I think my dad groaned for something better too.  Several years after his heart-attack my aunt and uncle celebrated 50 years of marriage.  After dinner, the music started to play.  As some began to dance, I saw something I will never forget.  My cousin Debbie was dancing...with my dad!  My cousin smiled encouragement into his eyes and held both of his hands as my dad tried to move in rhythm to the music.  A couple of times he got so excited he lifted one of his feet off the ground!  My dad’s condition caused him to be fearful of every footstep he took.  But in this moment, he was responding to the music with confidence and freedom.  I believe his dance was evidence that he was groaning with deep hope that one day he will be brand new.

There is another wedding celebration which will happen at the final consummation of all things - the Marriage Supper of the Lamb.  This is the marriage of the Lamb, who is Jesus, to us, his bride, the church.  Jesus will return and draw his bride to himself.  The loving communion that we were meant to have with God will be reestablished, never to be broken again.  There will be a matchless celebration, eating and drinking and unbelievable intimacy with God.  God will rejoice over the bride He gave His life for.  His love will cover and redeem all of her defects.  On that day, my dad will dance, beautifully.  

Hopeful,

Brad

www.RevisionChristianCounseling.com

[alicia-rcc]

To the Lonely One

In the 1950's, a psychoanalyst named Frieda Fromm-Reichmann wrote about loneliness. Her experience was that loneliness is such a painful, frightening experience that people will do practically everything to avoid it. She claimed that it was so painful, that after the loneliness passes, our brain will purposely try to forget how intensely miserable we were. 

At the same time, two other geniuses’ in psychology, Bowlby and Ainsworth, were studying the other side of loneliness; attachment. They found that a child being attached to mom goes far beyond providing food and clothes. They would say that attachment is a “deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space.”  Their work has linked attachment problems in infants to later biological ailments such as chronic inflammation, asthma, and cardiovascular disease. 

I am purposely pulling resources from other decades. The problem of loneliness is not exclusive to the information age. The invention of things like Facebook and Snapchat and texting has not invented loneliness; I would say that the loneliness felt through social media is a symptom and not a cause.  If you are human, you struggle with feeling lonely and struggle with not knowing how to attach to loved ones because this is the biggest desire you have.  Thus, it is the biggest wound you will have.

Being attached to someone and having those feelings of loneliness disappear is what we all seek out. In fact, it is at the heart of any good romantic movie. You know the scene: guy and girl are in a yelling match in the rain and the guy starts naming off all the ways he loves her, to prove they are the perfect match. You hear things like, “I love the way you twirl your hair when you are nervous, or the way you butter both sides of your toast, or how you only eat the brown m&ms." Why do we fall for this moment? Because he is essentially saying, I know you, I know the things others may not know, and to top it all off, I love you more because I know these things. 

Ahh. Now that feels good. Or maybe it feels really discouraging because you haven’t had that moment. Ever.  With anybody.  Even your parents. Now we’re getting somewhere. 

So, you frantically do things to avoid that painful feeling of loneliness just as Frieda said you would. You eat, you watch porn, you stalk your ex on Facebook. But that temporary moment never creates that feeling of attachment.  

This is the point where you look at me and say, “Okay, so I’m not attached to anyone. I hide so no one will really know me. How do I fix this?”  The question is personal, as is the answer, so I will ask you this: what is the fear that leads you to run from being known? What is it that enters your mind as soon as someone doesn’t answer your call or your text or forgets to send you a birthday card? That is what is controlling you.  

I could tell you to go find a church or a basketball league, but this loneliness is just going to recirculate.  It will haunt you again and again until you confess your fear and then move forward despite the fear. I know what I’m asking of you. I’m asking you to tell God and man about one of your biggest vulnerabilities. I ask this of you because I know two things: there are others like you, exactly like you, and there is a God who does know those little things about you. May that give you the courage to try.

Resectfully,

The humble observer

www.RevisionChristianCounseling.com

[alicia-rcc]

The typical expression of opening friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one."

C.S. Lewis (The Four Loves)