aleynadurmaz - Tumblr blog

[aleynadurmaz]

ALEYNA: it's just me and chowder and a golden retriever out here ALEYNA: and one very, very hyper corgi ALEYNA: [ image sent ] ALEYNA: look at his cute lil butt

JIEUN: at home rn JIEUN: they don't have any of those big mean looking dogs over there right??

[aleynadurmaz]

Aleyna kept quiet as she listened to them talk about their music, hearing the sharp inhale she took at the sight of an old notebook. She felt like all, or at least most musicians had a variation of that old notebook. Beat up and weathered, written in with many, many crossed out things and scrambled thoughts, desperate just to be written down so it won't be forgotten. Past and present ideas and feelings in the form of chords and lyrics, and she knew just how much that meant to them, because she hadn't shown anybody hers at all. Not even her best friends, because it was just that sacred. Her eyes took on a look of shocked gratitude that Gabe even let her see it. "Pretty sure a finished song is very rare nowadays anyway," Aleyna said, letting out a soft laugh before smiling at them. "Maybe we can find a way to raise some money to get the laptop fixed. It'd be a shame to lose all of those demos," she murmured before showing them a sad smile. She'd never really tried the band route, but having built a bond over something that's clearly important to everyone involved, only for it to be ruined by distance or whatever other cause had to be hard. "I'm sorry. That couldn't have been easy," Aleyna murmured before smiling at them, hand reaching out to rest on top of theirs. "Did you guys manage to record anything before... well, life happened?" She curiously asked. "And hey, you never have to apologize to me for talking about how you feel, Gabe. Never, ever, ever. Why did you get discouraged?" She gently asked. "If you don't mind me asking," Aleyna quickly added. "Maybe we can set a day for us to do just that. Spend the whole day in a recording studio, just brainstorming and playing and maybe even finish this one, or get started on a new one? What do you think?"

Aleyna's faith in Gabe was something they treasured; it felt rare, despite being surrounded by people who loved them, unconditional in their support - it always took them big gestures to really believe it. It was why they fought so strongly against Jaziel - deep down, Gabe knew he cared; but he didn't show it in a way that made sense to them, in a way that they really felt it. Even if Leyna's faith was just in his music, in his creativity - it was enough, her strumming along to the tunes they riffed. "I think I've written a lot while high - a lot in general, really - most of it's from high school, but I have a few things from over the years." Gabe paused for a moment - reaching over to squeeze their hand between their couch cushions before pulling out an old notebook - beat up and weathered. "Before I started um - apprenticing, I was really into the idea of getting - big, someday. This is like - over a decade old. Just fucking - chords and lyrics and shit - a lot of them unfinished. Then I have - demos on my fucking, laptop - but shit's been busted for a couple months now." A long time ago - Gabe dreamed bigger, better; had goals they wanted to accomplish, none of them involving Nightrest. But as all their friends went on to college - they found themself stuck in the same place, doing the same things; stagnant, never-changing. Until they woke up and realized - fuck, I'm 28 - what have I been doing? Still not much - evidently. "Me too! I mean - I had a band, back in high school - we'd just practice in my basement, and I thought we were good, like - really good. But - life, y'know? People change - people move." Gabe laughed - but it was a little sad, mindlessly strumming now, "I just - I think I've always really wanted this, y'know? I don't really even - know why I stopped for so long. Discouraged, I guess. Wow! Sorry!" They shook their head, grinning suddenly, "Not to get all fucking, like, sad and shit. This is sounding really good, Ley - we've got like, really good bones on this thing. Makes me wish we were recording right now."

[aleynadurmaz]

closed starter for @lightscameragarrett

location: supermarket parking lot

Aleyna was on her way back to her car after going grocery shopping, struggling to grab her keys from her pocket when her hands were full of bags, resulting in her bumping into someone. "I'm sorry--" She said, holding onto the bags tightly and looking up only to immediately take a step back as she realized who was in front of her. It was like someone doused her in ice water because all she felt at the sight of Garrett after what happened in the chat was a cold rage that turned her expression neutral and her voice flat. "Excuse me," Aleyna said, moving around him, about to go back to her car before scoffing and turning around. She's not the one out of the two of them who should feel ashamed. She wasn't the cheater here. She wasn't the one who lied to the other and kept lying. "Why?" She asked as she looked at him. "Why do all of this? Did you get some sort of sick, twisted amusement from this? From making me feel like an idiot?"

[aleynadurmaz]

closed starter for @charlotteoh

location: charlotte's home

"So that's what happened in the chat and it's just... I just-- I feel stupid. I feel embarrassed, because I... I almost believed him, Char. He was in my ear telling me he never did any of that and he was so believable and I just-- I feel so-- so fucking... dumb," Aleyna admits, closing her eyes as she leaned her head against the back of the couch. "And I also wasn't really expecting to see a whole picture in my face like that. It felt like... like a slap to the face. It's like--" She paused to swallow thickly. "I know I don't deserve to be cheated on -- nobody deserves that -- but knowing that doesn't really... make it hurt any less," Aleyna murmurs, opening her eyes then to stare at the ceiling for a moment. "Because... why wasn't I enough, you know?" She whispers, her shoulders sagging forward as she uttered out loud the question that had been plaguing her for over a year. "I'm really sorry," she suddenly says. "I didn't mean to just... lay all of that on you," Aleyna adds, her voice quiet. She felt guilty even talking about it, because even though Charlotte was like her older sister and she could tell her anything, she knew the older woman was already dealing with so much. From Jake being in jail still to her mom's death.

[aleynadurmaz]

LEYNA: feels AMAZING ❤️️ 💗 💔️ 💞 💓 💕 💘 🖤 LEYNA: she likes to tussle though which is so different from chowder LEYNA: but she's SOOOOOO CUUUUTE LEYNA: can i come over with her soon?

BEL: CONGRATULATIONS!!!! BEL: how's life as a cat mom?? an official one??

[aleynadurmaz]

guitars : )

[aleynadurmaz]

Ley: yeah, i agree Ley: for what it's worth, i don't really think anybody should be listening to rory at all Ley: and i mean that as both her music AND her pointing fingers and starting fights in the chat for no reason Ley: me? i'm okay. kind of. i honestly really thought the murders were over and done with but i guess not Ley: just makes me really worried about everyone, more than usual. you better keep yourself safe, okay?

Ren: hey aleyna Ren: [UNSENT] people are dying again and it's happening again and everyone's making it out to be like some sort of joke Ren: i'm fine, yeah, i just find people's attitude in the chat a little weird Ren: are you alright?

[aleynadurmaz]

Aleyna: garrett used the key i gave him over a year ago to place his gift in my house Aleyna: locks have been changed though Aleyna: it's super duper nice rosie! it's this GORGEOUS gretsch catalina maple 7-piece i've been wanting since FOREVER Aleyna: i haven't played it yet though because i'm still kinda weirded out by what happened and i also just didn't really know what to do with it so it's just been there in my living room. i really really love it but it came from HIM yknow? Aleyna: how do you check for hidden cameras?

Rosie: umm what?? Rosie: you could always keep it? maybe canvas for a hidden camera though Rosie: if it's something you wanted it shouldn't go to waste

[aleynadurmaz]

Aleyna couldn't even picture never apologizing again when she'd even apologize if she bumped into walls or table edges, an instinct at this point. "What are you gonna do, ask me to take a shot every time I say it?" She jokes. "Thank you," Aleyna murmurs after a beat of silence, a small smile on her lips because even though the frustration had blinded her a bit, she believes in her talent enough to understand that what Aslan was saying was true and surely, she'll get there eventually, once she got to work on it more. "Yeah? How are you going to do that? Take the edge off?" Aleyna softly asks, an eyebrow raising as she meets his gaze. "You're still underestimating me, Nadir?" She asks, clicking her tongue before letting out a laugh. "If we're doing this, you're going to have to show me yours first. I'm sure it's great, like really great, since you're so confident about it and I'm sure I'll like it a lot, and then maybe I'll show you mine and hopefully, you'll like it too. So come on then," Aleyna says, her smile turning more playful as she looked at him with an expectant look. "Because my puppy eyes weren't good enough so I had to bring out the good stuff. Don't make me stay on my knees for too long, though," she jokingly adds, smiling as he held onto her fingers, her breath hitching slightly as he leaned closer to her. It was getting harder and harder for her to deny the effect Aslan had on her, especially because they had shared that hot make out session during that party which she has not been able to stop thinking about since. She liked to think she was hiding just how flustered she got when he was close well, even though everything still felt so fresh in her mind. Aleyna could still remember the feeling of running her hands through his curls, how his touch on her skin that night had left a trail of heat that made her own face hot right now just thinking about it, how she hadn't wanted the kiss to stop. Forcing herself to ignore all of that, she took the chance to move her gaze to his drums instead. "Thank you," she murmurs with a grateful smile. "Your biggest fan, huh? I hope you're not expecting me to wear a t-shirt with that written on it," Aleyna teases, her smile growing. "So what I'm hearing is that I'm getting backstage passes for life?"

He chuckles at her words. "Don't worry, we'll figure something out. You'll never utter those words ever again under my watch. See how good I am," he drawls playfully. "Though, in all seriousness, you're good, Aleyna. You're a really good musician, so take it easy on yourself. Music doesn't come to you when you're thinking too hard." A slow smile curves up his lips, signaling the end of the 'seriousness'. "Besides, if you're feeling on edge, I know how to take that edge off," he teases, holding her eye contact for a moment or not, expecting it to go right over her head. "I am challenging you. I didn't think you'd be up for it. Color me shocked, though." He takes a few extra steps towards Aleyna, tilting his head to the side as he looks at her. "You said you'd get down on your knees for me. I didn't bring it up," he says, giving her a crooked grin. He takes a quick look at his drums, nodding back at her. "Yeah, you can practice here on mine. You're not asking for a lot." He reaches to hold her forefinger when she pokes his chest, leaning down just a little. "True, I have to give my biggest fan a backstage pass," he teases, reciprocating the grin before he lets go of her fingers and pulls back to initial position. "Yeah, being a DJ doesn't feel like a job." Which is why it felt like a two birds, one stone kinda situation, he clowned his parents in a way, because the idea of having an actual job, some boring nine-to-five job and doing something where he'd rather die than do it, was just not in the plan for him, and will never be. He wanted his trust fund, and he's got it, so it feels like everything smartly came together. "I love Medusa, so being there a few times a week works for me, so it really worked out the way I wanted it to." He nods. "And you'll be there with a backstage pass."

[aleynadurmaz]

Aleyna really didn't like how any of this was playing out. It was bad enough Jake was in jail, but now with the death of her mother added on top of that, Charlotte was just taking on a heavier load than she should. Letting out a soft sigh, Aleyna reaches out to squeeze her sister's hand, wishing there was more she could do, and hoping Charlotte would let her take some of that load off of her shoulders somehow. She didn't particularly know how, never been well-versed in comforting someone with words -- because really, what could one say in a situation like this? -- but she was here. She'll always be here for Charlotte. "He'll be out and free, as he should be, before you know it. There's no way he should be locked up for just defending himself," Aleyna says, thoughts momentarily moving towards her father and his rap sheet, which provided the extent of her knowledge of the criminal justice system, before pulling her hand away and letting out a deep sigh. "What about Sarah?"

Everything was falling apart around her and she had no idea how to keep things intact anymore. From Jacob's imprisonment to severing her relationship with Sarah to their mother dying... she's starting to genuinely believe her family attracts tragedies, and she's not sure how much longer she can hold on before she bursts. She's a ticking time bomb. "No, it's not fair, but what can you do, right?" She sighs, moving to look over at Aleyna. "Yeah, I've visited him. He's in jail, so he's not doing well." Obviously. "Now that mom's gone, I've taken over talking to the lawyers, and they're still working on his case." It's making her really impatient.

[aleynadurmaz]

"Come on, help me decide," Aleyna says, letting out a groan before letting out a sheepish laugh, knowing she was taking longer than usual picking, but it was only because she normally wouldn't splurge, so she wanted to make sure she wouldn't regret the choice. "That's the goal," she adds with a smile, unable to deny that she felt excited about dating around again. "I feel like I'm rusty, though," Aleyna admits as she turns to look at her reflection. "I know a year isn't really that long, but it sure does feel like it. When's the last time you went on a date?"

"I'm just being honest," his shoulders go up in a shrug as he smiled her way. He can't deny that Aleyna was beautiful and honestly there's not any piece of fabric that can change his mind about it. "I think both dresses look good — especially good on you. And I'm sure your date will have their mouth open with either."

[aleynadurmaz]

"If it's windy then a dress probably shouldn't be an option. I don't want to flash him," Aleyna says, letting out a laugh. "I was thinking maybe a crop top and pants? Or we reverse it and it's shorts and a shirt, but one of those expensive-looking but still cute ones? Or should we mix and match and say crop top and shorts? Maybe a jacket too in case it rains?" She asks, thoughts already going through her entire wardrobe. "You deserve to have a break from work, Den. That big brain of yours needs some rest too," Aleyna says, leaning in to tap her best friend's temple gently. "What, nobody here catching your interest in the slightest?" She teasingly asks. "Maybe we should get you on one of those dating apps."

"So it needs to be at least a little comfortable. I know, I know - fashion and comfort don't always go hand in hand, but you'll be outside for a long time," she tapped on her chin, trying to put together an outfit in her head. "Are you feeling more like a dress or?" Her attention was entirely focused on figuring out what Ley should wear for the. It's been a while since she's been able to focus on anything else beside her long list of cases she's been researching for her podcasts. "Aw, come on, you know it's the truth," she gave her a smile when she pulled away from the hug. Deniz was always ready to hype up her friends, because they deserve to hear it and know it. "Um — does work fit under 'someone I'm interested in', because that's really all I've been doing and thinking about."

[aleynadurmaz]

"Between you and me, I'm really glad you were able to cheat the system," Aleyna says, whispering it in a faux conspiratorial tone. "I'm sure those strays appreciated the help too," she adds with a warm smile. At his words, she couldn't help but look up at him with fondness in her eyes. "You're important to me too," Aleyna admits, letting the comfort from what he was saying wash over her as she listens intently. She never likes to talk about her problems, mostly because she doesn't really feel like people needed to be weighed down with what was supposed to just be on her shoulders, but she trusts Jae, and she appreciates the fact that he listened to her and the fact that there was an attempt of organization when it came to her usually scattered thoughts. "That wheel might just come in handy someday," Aleyna says with a light laugh. "I don't know, I'm starting to think you don't even have a bad side, Jae," she teases him because she can't even remember a time she and Jae butted heads over anything the whole time she's known him. "You know what, you got yourself a deal. Pinky promise and kiss it to seal it," Aleyna grins, reaching out her pinky to make their deal official in her eyes. She could feel her breathing start to get shallower at his questions and when his eyes moved down, her face started feeling much hotter as she remembers how his lips and his hands had been all over her that night, not just his gaze. "Maybe you should just wait for tonight so I can show you instead," Aleyna teasingly says, the comfort in his presence bringing out a much more playful side to her. She knows he wants her to spell it out for him, and yet she wants to tease him even more, to see how long they can skirt around talking about what it was they both wanted now, while she saved the actual dirty talk for later. "Anything," she confirms in a whisper, inhaling sharply at the feeling of being pulled back closer to him. With his hand on her waist and the look in his eyes, Aleyna couldn't help but lean in, moving her lips close to his ear, feeling more confident, more daring, sexier because of him. "We both know I can handle it," she smirks, her eyes moving down to rest on his lips, as she bit down on her lower one. She was getting hot and bothered already and they weren't even doing anything yet. Maybe it was because she knew the things they were capable of, what they have already done, and will do again. Maybe because she could remember so well how good he had made her feel, and how good it made her feel to make him feel good. Aleyna moves to rest her hand on his thigh, her heart thudding in her chest, as she leans in even closer. "Have you thought about it since that night? Have you thought about me?" She whispers.

"Both of my parents worked a lot, and they figured that Issy and I wouldn't be able to do it alone," he answers, the truth of the matter always coming down to how busy everyone was. In hindsight, maybe they were right, considering Jae was just as busy and rarely home until nights when he was younger, so committing to a pet would've been too much, and his sister was involved in her whole pageant thing at the time. It didn't stop him from going after what he wanted though, even if the strays only stuck around for a couple weeks each. Jae nods, listening to Aleyna's words, letting her finish without making any move to interrupt. At her apology, he can only laugh and shake his head. "What do you mean? You're important to me, Ley, outside of us having fun." He means that, because although Jae is often seen as someone with a one-track mind, he'd like to think he was someone who was caring, and maybe even a good listener. "I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to give everything a try. If you learn how to DJ and like it, it could be something you do, and then when you're ready, you can give the next thing a try. Put all your choices on one of those wheels and spin it to see what's next if you can't pick," he jokes lightly. He can't say his methods would be the same, because Jae has always operated on a strict plan, finding comfort in having a rigid structure. It wasn't just his career, it was his entire life. Even if he was careless and did what he wanted, there was always an element of planning, or forethought to what he did. "That's because you've only seen the nice side of me," he jokes, even if it's true. Her best friend had a point, though Jae would never admit it out loud. "Let's make a deal then. You figure out what's next in your life, and I'll sing for you." He almost chuckles, because as much as he'd seen, as so not demure as she was in bed, Aleyna still continued to have this aura of innocence, unable to spell it out that wasn't in a vague, indirect way. It was cute though. "What things?" Jae asks, feigning ignorance as if he already doesn't know. "There are a lot of things you do that I like, maybe you should be more specific for me," he adds, grin playing at his features as he shamelessly looks at her. His eyes flicker down, to her lips, to her neck, to all the places he'd kissed the last time it was the two of them together. "Anything I want to do?" he asks, repeating her own words. He chuckles, shaking his head "You shouldn't say that, I have a very dirty mind. I'm not sure you can handle it," Jae responds, tugging her right back close to him just as she pulls away, one of his hands settled firm on her waist as his gaze returns to her eyes, darkened and full of mischief.

[aleynadurmaz]

Aleyna 📲 Eden 👑

Aleyna: HAPPY BIRTHDAAAYYYYYY, EDEN!!!! I hope you have an amazing day today!! 👑🥳🎁🎂🎉

[aleynadurmaz]

"I know," Aleyna said, letting out a deep sigh. A part of her didn't want this to be a big deal, even though she knew that it was, so she was just hoping that if she changed the locks -- which was what she considered a non-negotiable -- and gave it a few days, that it would all just go away eventually. She was already planning on putting everything to rest by going to the root and finally getting an answer from Eve herself tomorrow, and if it'll go the way she thinks it's going to go, then there really isn't a reason for Garrett to continue being in her life after that. "I know," she repeated as she showed her best friend a small, sad smile. Aleyna understood June's concern, even her best friend's anger, and she reached out so she could squeeze her hand, hoping it could bring the other some comfort. "He's not going to do it again -- I won't let this happen again," she added. "C'mon, you want to eat something before we get to work on the locks?"

( @aleynadurmaz )

"What the fuck?" It took all of June's self-control to not storm out of Aleyna's home at the sight of the drum set in her living room; partially angry at the thought of Garrett thinking he had the right to enter her home - her safe place - and the bitter thought that June was supposed to buy the set for her. All her savings went towards it - months and months, and for what - Garrett's desperate attempt to win back what he thinks is his? Was this just a fucking game to him? Throwing money like it meant something - like he could mean something to Leyna ever again? Their knuckles turned stark white against their skin, hands tightly grasping her toolbox. "This is fucked up - you should file a fucking, report against him. This is just fucking weird, Ley." It didn't help the situation any, disgust evident in June's tone - her shoulders practically trembling in anger. "He can't - he can't just fucking do these things. It's wrong."

[aleynadurmaz]

Aleyna's gaze softened at his apology, because at least he understood that it was wrong, even though it all still didn't feel right with her, and she hated that she was feeling this way on her birthday. "Thank you," she said before taking a deep breath, her hand holding onto the key tightly. "So, um... I should probably go check out this gift, huh?" Aleyna said, eyebrows raised. "Thank you again, Garrett, but um, I don't want to keep you. I'm sure you're a busy guy."

[aleynadurmaz]

Aleyna 📲 Sarah 🧁

Aleyna: hey hey! Aleyna: got a bagel in your fave flavor with your name written all over it if you wanna join me at the park