alexandertheanonymous

[alexandertheanonymous]

Man, once I get free from my own shackles, it’s over for you hoes.

[alexandertheanonymous]

26

26 was an interesting year for me. One of the biggest things I took away from this year was realizing the effect that I can have on my environment. I’ve realized that my outlook (optimistic/pessimistic) on things tends to be heavily tied to how well I feel I’m doing in life. Thankfully, I finally got to the point where my performance in key aspects of my life (Army, Microsoft, working out, etc) led me to know I was being successful, and the confidence I drew from that expanded into many other facets of my life. While there was a lot of positive, there are definitely some areas I know I’ve taken some steps back, and I’m hoping to improve on those going forward. Looking forward to finding better ways to track myself going forward, so I’m looking forward to different methods of tracking my growth over time. 

[alexandertheanonymous]

2018 Resolutions

A little late in the game, but definitely wanted to get these on paper prior to it being too late in the year. Let’s get into it. 

FAITH

The one word to describe my faith in 2018 will be reconnecting.

At the end of 2018, I want my faith to have led me to a local church home.

I will make this impact a reality by doing the following three things:

Trying 1 new church a month, until establishing a local church home.

Streaming/listening to church services every Sunday.

Focus on reestablishing my connection with God through daily prayer.

My biggest prayer for myself in 2018 is for God to guide my steps, and have the steps I take in my career, my relationships, and my actions be in line with the purpose he has for me.

My biggest prayer for others in 2018 is that they find peace and purpose in their progress through the year.

MENTAL HEALTH

I consider my current mental health status as: Moderate.

By the end of 2018, I want my mental health to be Flourishing at least 5 out of 7 days a week.

One common negative thought that I have is that in some aspect, I am not progressing/have stagnated.

When I have this thought, I feel impostor syndrome. 

I will replace this thought with the following positive thoughts: I have a plan to improve and better than the day before.

One of my biggest stressors is: Work. It stresses me because I am want to be good at it, but it’s a difficult environment to succeed in. I can manage this stress by improving my organizational skills and focus to do well in my position. 

MENTAL HEALTH

I commit to embracing that is okay to ask for help and its okay to not be okay. 

Three things that cheer me up are playing video games, putting together puzzles, and planning for the future.

In 2018, my unhealthy stress reliever was biting my nails.

In 2018, I will replace that with a fidget spinner/chewing gum.

I will devote 10 minutes to improving my mental health daily. 

I will do this by maintaining my daily reflections and journals.

3 things I want to learn this year are exploring healthier cooking habits, how to do home improvement/DIY projects, and become more knowledgeable on cryptocurrencies. 

A goal that I didn’t complete in 2016, that I want to complete in 2018 is reading at least a book a month. 

My biggest asset to others is my willingness and desire to assist those I care about.

My biggest personal weakness is my hesitancy to meet new people and expand my network.

One thing I want to improve about myself is my ability to express and communicate the emotions I feel. 

HEALTH & FITNESS

In 2018, my fitness goal is to build a physique that I can maintain.

I want to eat generally healthier by the end of the year.

I can commit to working out 5 times a week. 

That’s all for now, looking forward to expanding and following up on this soon. 

-X

[alexandertheanonymous]

Today I had probably one of my first interactions ever with my mom about my dating life. Typically, I joke around with my parents and deflect as much as possible, and I'm not sure how our conversation led to me sending a super long message to her, but I actually opened up and am sorta glad I did. This text alone was something that brought peace/comfort to a thinking/worrying side of myself that I've learned to live with. Although I'm sure I'll still wonder about 72 things (including about how a future Mrs. Baisden, wherever she is/if she exists, will interact with my family), having this first conversation with my mom definitely was a step in the right direction.

[alexandertheanonymous]

All the Feels #2

One thing I'm realizing I struggle with is containing my excitement/enthusiasm. To be honest, I think this is something that has pushed me to introversion. I just feel that every time I get genuinely excited about something, when I express it, it comes across differently than intended. Whether it comes across as arrogance/selfishness/childish immature, I've noticed that it rarely leads to my intended outcome of just being excited/happy and sharing it with others. I've noticed it moreso recently, and it makes me wonder what opportunities I've missed out on because I haven't been able to express myself in ways that others receive well. It also puts me in the awkward situation of eitherdealing with unintended outcomes, or feeling like I'm stifling myself by not really opening up about things. Still searching for that middle ground. It's a process.

[alexandertheanonymous]

All the Feels #1

No idea why, but I am scared to admit (to myself) that I need glasses. Not sure why I'm so worried about it, or why I think it's such a bad thing, but for some reason, I can't shake this nervousness about it. Was working out today and it finally hit me: I couldn't see the TV. I should've been able to, and I couldn't. For some reason, it had (and still has) me shook. There really is no justification for this fear, but for some reason, it's there. And I don't know how to shake it.

[alexandertheanonymous]

Life Philosophy

So I’ve been thinking for a while about the basic principles I wanted to build my life around, and finally got around to putting it to paper. I’m sure I’ll end up editing and adding to this list over time, I at least wanted to put a few things down on paper.

In anything I am committed to doing, will do to the best of my abilities.

I will be deliberate in the important decisions in life and ensure that they are in line with my morals, values, and ethics.

I will be impeccable with my word.

I will prioritize my life with my first focuses being on my relationship with God, then my relationship with my family members.

[alexandertheanonymous]

The Restart

It’s scary. One day you’re 16 years old, going to high school, just learning how to drive, enjoying your life, and playing video games in your free time without a care in the world. You blink, and you’re 21, close to graduating from college and looking for a job, enjoying finally being able to legally drink with you friends, and playing video games in your free time. Then you blink again, you’re 25. You have bills, jobs, responsibilities, and are busy between trying to balance that, friendships, relationships, and still trying to find some free time to play video games. A lot changes, but some things always stay the same.

 It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here, and I’m almost scared to get back on here. I’ve been going through some (painful) growth and thoughts, and although I know I haven’t come close to solving and figuring everything out, I know I need to start back tracking my progress again. I think my biggest goal this time in life will be 3-pronged: setting the expectations for my desires (including those for myself), chronicling my experiences in life, and finally expressing my viewpoints.

 I think this time I’m going to change a few things about how I go about documenting this experience of life. The biggest focus I have now is, in the terms of AA, rigorous honesty. I think one of the biggest things I consistently am struggling with being honest with myself. It takes a lot for me to get to understand what is, and not what is me trying to make myself seem better or worse than they really are. I’m interested to see what it happens.

Another focus of mine for this next period is to reconnect with my emotions. Over time, I’ve gotten incredibly distant from my emotions. From feeling them, to expressing them, I’m focused on reconnecting with them and not being afraid of them like I feel like I’ve come to do.

It’s gonna be an interesting journey, and I don’t know what to expect or how often to expect it. Should be fun. If you have any questions/comments, feel free to hit the inbox. Definitely open to taking any comments or questions anyone has to offer. 

-X