alastairsmooch

[alastairsmooch]

Thielicke: Jäger made me a ‘get better’ card.

Anya: That’s sweet—

Thielicke: I’m not sick. He just wants me to do better.

(I need help!! c.ai is shadow banning all my characters without my knowledge and i don’t know what to do:( I only found out today when I received two emails from different users saying they could only see my Wolff bot, help!!!! )

[alastairsmooch]

Nikolai: "It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield."

Klaus: Opposite over hypotenuse.

Klaus: Dipshit.

[alastairsmooch]

Nikolai: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.

Klaus: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

[alastairsmooch]

T-34 (2018) 🤝 Persian lessons (2020)

The camp Kommandant named Klaus that could’ve fallen in love with the ingenious main character but was tricked and had a bad ending </3

[alastairsmooch]

Nikolai: *Screams*

Klaus: *Screams louder to assert dominance*

Anya: Should we do something?

Thielicke: No, I want to see who wins.

[alastairsmooch]

Klaus: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Nikolai: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD


Klaus: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING ANNA WITH ME


Thielicke, packing up the monopoly board: I think we should stop playing now.

[alastairsmooch]

Thielicke: Nice rock, Herr Standartenführer.

Klaus: Thank you, Nikolai gave it to me.

Nikolai: I threw it at you!

Klaus: Isn’t he the sweetest?

[alastairsmooch]

Nikolai: I don’t realise something’s traumatic until I tell it as a funny story to everyone then they look at me weird.

[alastairsmooch]

Thielicke: If we don’t get out of this alive… If we’re both about to die… I love you, Klaus!

*Neither of them die*

Jäger: …

Thielicke: …

Jäger: So do you wanna talk about somethi-

Thielicke: No thank you, Herr Standartenführer.

[alastairsmooch]

Klaus: Well, you know what they say: Can’t bake a pie without losing a dozen men!

[alastairsmooch]

Klaus: Maybe the real monster was the friends we both literally and figuratively murdered along the way.

[alastairsmooch]

Jäger: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Thielicke: AS ENEMIES?!

Jäger:

[alastairsmooch]

Thielicke: Would you like your pizza cut into six or eight slices, Standartenführer?

Klaus: Oh, just six, I don’t think I could eat eight.

[alastairsmooch]

Thielicke, pointing: May I sit there?

Klaus: That's my lap

Thielicke: That doesn't answer my question, Standartenführer.

[alastairsmooch]

Klaus: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset?

Thielicke: No, I said "Standartenführer, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset.

[alastairsmooch]

I wouldn't be surprised.

[alastairsmooch]

Thielicke: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!

Klaus: Thielicke, please just say fuck.