airportobservations

[airportobservations]

Airport Food Olympics

Cinnabon is the official winner of the Airport Fast Food Olympics. They have won gold for taste, general airport aroma, and most weight gained by a single mid-transit snack.

[airportobservations]

Top Level Selfish

This guy pushes his way forward without waiting his turn to get off the airplane and when I step into the jet bridge I see him standing in line waiting for his planeside checked bag.

Good thing he hurried and acted like he failed kindergarten.

[airportobservations]

Scrabble

When the gate attendant uses the word "expeditiously" over the PA and sets a new high score for Gate Attendant Verbal Scrabble.

[airportobservations]

Hey Girl!

What age is too old to be saying "Hey Girl!" and what age is too old to be hearing it? Asking for a friend.

Actually I'm asking for the 50+ year old Delta flight attendant who said it so many times in the last 5 minutes I'm thinking her body may be inhabited by the spirit of a 19 year old college student.

[airportobservations]

BRO!

Is there anything better than sitting beside a 75+ businessman who drops "Bro" every 6th word while he tries to close a deal for 15 million?

Nothing says trust me with 15 million like "Bro....believe me bro!"

[airportobservations]

BAN SOFI

Today I was put through secondary screening because everyone fears the Sword of Fire & Ice. Even TSA.

TSA: Sir do you have anything sharp or dangerous in your backpack?

Me: I don't think so.

TSA opens my backpack and pulls out my deck box.

TSA: Then what's in this?

Me: .........

TSA: ........

Me: A box.

TSA: What's in it?

Me: Cards.

TSA open the box and SOFI is sitting in top. They just look at me.

TSA: .........

Me: That right there is all the weapon I need.

TSA: You can go.

Me: (mutters) Do you mean pass turn?

TSA: What?!

Me: Nothing! Have a great day.

[airportobservations]

Rhetorical

Going to assume that the "Sir can I offer you a Mimosa or other alcoholic beverage?" was rhetorical.

[airportobservations]

Do You Understand Irony?

YYZ making regular announcements to let everyone know they stopped making final boarding announcements in order to cut down on noise levels.

[airportobservations]

The Very Least...

If you're going to get that personal with me, the very least you can do is tell me you're going to call me.

We'll both know it isn't true, but I'd appreciate the effort.

[airportobservations]

SSSS

Got flagged as SSSS (which means secondary screening required) today and I have questions. So many questions. Here's the first...

Why flag somebody you already did a deep dive on before approving their Nexus? The whole point of a trusted traveler program is that they're.....ummm...TRUSTED.

[airportobservations]

Asking for a friend

Question: If you get an upgrade to 1st class and your wife doesn't....do you take it?

[airportobservations]

Minimum minimum wage

Air Canada's idea of compensation for a 3.5 hour delay is a $10 food voucher.

$10.

Of airport food!

That should just about buy me a cup of tap water in a recycled paper cup. Terrific.

[airportobservations]

Airport Jeopardy

Me: I'll take "Never. Not even once" for $1000

Host: No weekend flights to Toronto leave here on time.

Me: What is Memphis?

[airportobservations]

All of this.

[airportobservations]

...while landing in Atlanta

*Airplane slows right beside the gate and people start standing up*

Flight Attendant: Please return to your seats until we are completely stopped and the seatbelt sign is turned off!!

*People sit down.*

*Less than 2 seconds later the seatbelt sign turns off.*

Guy At The Front: THAT'S A POWER MOVE RIGHT THERE! PLAYIN' ME LIKE A YOYO!

[airportobservations]

No Regrets

Roll aboard bags mean getting out faster once you land, but there is a freedom in checking you bag and not having to worry about overhead space.

For one thing you can compete to be the last person to board without regrets.

[airportobservations]

Lost & Found

If you fill out a bag tag and attach it to the backpack you're walking around wearing....you look like a kid with an "if lost return to..." tag.

Which is fine if you're a kid, but if you're 60+ it's a damn strange look.