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aesotheric · 3 years

Text

Fear.

Megumi Fushiguro x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: Megumi went from high school delinquent to fratboy, he was lowkey with his escapades with women making him look somewhat decent, everything turns around when he ends up sleeping with the only girl he sat next to everyday in class.

Warnings: (Light) Angst, Friends with Benefits, Drunk Sex Mentioned, Fuckboy Megumi, Commitment Issues, Breeding Kink, Oral Sex, Jealousy, Toxicity, Rough Sex.

Word Count: 5.6k

A/N: Show some love to Megumi, I don't know how long it passed since I read a fic where reader doesn't cheat on him for Toji... instead of Megumi? like Megumi? The quiet ones are the freakiest, he got the body, he the pretty boy, he was the school delinquent and y'all still don't show him enough love. This story has an open ending, comment what you choose by the end ig XD

Masterlist - Masterpost

You and Megumi met in class, you sat next to each other, chatting every morning and afternoon about whatever crossed your mind, even if he didn’t look like the talkative type, he was a great listener.

When he told you he was part of the biggest fraternity on campus during a conversation about the trashy parties that take place, you couldn’t actually believe it, he did not seem like the type of guy to party every week and all the things that came with it and the reputation.

But once you saw him across campus making his way into one of the girls' dorms like it was his own house, you knew he was exactly the type, he was just reserved about it. Your image of him didn’t change, he was still a great guy, when you asked him about all the fraternity matters he also revealed to you that he was in there thanks or because of his family’s past history in this college.

His father and his uncle were apparently both presidents during their time so it was just rightful of him to at least be part of it.

You would call him your friend to be honest, after half a year it was the minimum. His daily grumpiness or just little gestures made you always laugh and put you in a good mood, while his attractiveness was just a bonus to bless your eyes everyday. He was great at all the little games you’d play to kill time, it felt like a nice fresh breath of air.

Your heart had started to fasten a little after some time each time you saw him, even though it shouldn’t.

But the little rare smiles he’d give only to you when you said or did something couldn’t make it easier.

It was curiosity that brought you into a frat party, there were rumors you couldn’t just help but to settle with your own eyes.

When you arrived, the sight of bodies crushing each other, loud music, alcohol and smoke were everywhere, pretty much solidifying your imagination. There was the ping pong table, the ones doing body shots, those in the pool, little stripes of white powder on the table glass…

You felt a little bit out of place, till your eyes caught the silhouette of the man you saw almost everyday, relief washing you as you finally saw Megumi.

He was leaning on the counter, drink at hand as he just simply watched over everyone else. That’s how he saw your figure as well, a tiny black dress tightly hugging your figure, showing every curve, making his cock twitch in his pants at the sight, how many times since the beginning of the year had he thought about bending you over in the middle of class, filling your tight innocent cunt with his cum, it should be illegal.

There was something about you, maybe it was the fact he had not met you at a party and you were a regular person in his life, the little warmth he felt every time around you, just made you even more of a desire and happiness for him.

A drop of mischief filled him.

It’s no surprise that less than an hour later, you were in between the sheets of his bed, his cock rutting inside of you, while you cried and screamed his name and he groaned, making sure to mark anywhere on your body. The couple of drinks you had earlier might have added to the oversensitivity you two had, how the slight touch of his lips on your neck and nipples were so arousing to you.

You don’t remember the exact number of rounds, enough for you to hiss when coming out of bed and sneaking out early in the morning.

The next day, he woke up in his own empty bed. Eyebrows raised in confusion, did he want a morning round? Yes, he did. But as his eyes wandered around the room, the time on the clock made his naked figure jump out of the bed. He was late.

His hood up as the hangover was taking a toll on him, the light and the noise around was too much. But he expected that it was not his first time.

What he did not expect was you being completely unfazed when he sat down and greet him as the two of you fucking each other and that being the best sex of your life didn’t happen, instead you greeted him like you always did, with a smile and a coffee already on his side.

As the lecture went by he was getting frustrated, did that mean nothing more would happen? Did he ruin your friendship? Would he never have the privilege of pounding into you again?

“Listen-” He started but you shushed him down almost immediately.

“We’ll talk about it later.” You said, your eyes never leaving your laptop and the notes you were taking, but that had at least calmed him down… or made him even more anxious.

When the lecture ended, he waited for you to collect your things and walked you back to his fraternity home. You were just as nervous as him, you honestly didn’t remember much of the trip, you two were silent and a second later from your thoughts you were already entering the house.

“You’re the one from this morning!” Your attention was caught by the pink-haired guy sitting on the couch in the living room. You waved with a smile, you had met him in the morning while sneaking out, he was attempting to cook pancakes.

“Nice to see you again too! Did you follow my advice on the dough?” You said standing behind him on the couch.

“I did, they came out a lot fluffier, oh, Fushiguro! Is she a friend of yours?” He asked, Megumi nodded once, he was a bit annoyed that you were getting along with him, not even, he should be the only contact you have in this house.

“I’m Y/N L/N, I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself this morning, I was kind of late and I had to go home first.” He shook your hand, while you awkwardly laughed a bit, a tiny grin coming onto his face, knowing the implications of said words.

“Yuji Itadori, and don’t worry about it.” Behind you, Megumi cleared his throat.

“We need to go discuss something, see you later Itadori.” He said, taking your hand and leading you upstairs. The grip on you was tight, almost like he felt you’d escape from him, or go somewhere he wouldn’t be able to reach you.

You entered the room far at the end of the hallway, by the measurements now that you were sober and actually taking your time to look around, it seemed like the master bedroom with catalog like furniture, minimalistic of black, white and gray. You entered before him, he locked the door behind you, sitting at the edge of his bed while he leaned on the door, silence overtook the room till he spoke up.

“So, are we going to act like we never had sex or what?” By the tone he seemed annoyed or tired, or both. Has this been eating him up so much?

You cleared your throat, the crudeness of his words taking you aback a bit. “Well, we could if you want or… I don’t know, this is not exactly my field.” You said scratching the back of your head, how will you tell him this?

He narrowed his eyes at you, not really getting it. “What do you mean?”

“That… like last night.. It was actually- my first time.” Your lips bit into a thin line as soon as those words came out, avoiding his eyes like the plague or whatever answer he may give you. You rested on your hands, your body leaning back a bit, fists trembling in nervousness.

“You said what?” Megumi was stunned, you? who moved naturally all night on him, you were a virgin? And he was the one who took it? So sloppily, roughly? With both of you with alcohol in your systems? It wasn’t a big deal for him but it must have felt shitty to have it like this or-

“Don’t mind it, I don’t. We can still be friends if that’s what you want.” Your words dying at the end. You were caught off guard, you didn’t hear him take a single step, but here he was tilting your chin up, inches only separating your lips, he’s blue eyes looking directly into yours.

You felt the pressing of his lips on yours, eyes closing to feel more of him, your hands going to his perfect jaw, while his body pushed yours to lie on his bed, your back touching the soft black sheets, pressing his chest onto yours and crotch to yours making you feel everything superficial of him.

“You want this to stop?” The shivers, the light moan that escaped your mouth, the lust in your eyes, he was intoxicating you more than anything, you’d never want this to stop.

With no answer other than your body reacting to his proximity, his fingers worked on your pants, taking them off along your panties, stumbling into your shoes, till your lower half was completely exposed to him. Tugging on the hem of his t.shirt he took it off, putting the situation even between you two.

Megumi’s knees hit the ground, kneeling in front of your pretty cunt, his arms wrapping around your thighs to keep you steady, his lean figure was not so lean anymore, feeling the strength behind him, your back could only arch, when his tongue touched you, started to savor you, his saliva mixing with your wetness, making his tongue movements echo in the room.

Your hand grabbed his hair, tugging on it making him hiss at the harsh pulls, his tongue pushing into your little tight hole. He was eating you out desperately, your other free hand gripped tight on the sheets till the knuckles became white, your mouth shut tight as you remembered you were not alone in this house and came on his tongue.

Your legs spasmed around him, while he kept swallowing and licking you clean of the juices you produced, he loved the way you tasted, he loved the way you were reacting to him, he loved the way you were melting into him. His cock was hurting at being tied back into his pants, wanting to feel you around him once again, not having had enough of you.

He put your legs down gently, going up to your face, kissing you deeply, making sure you were tasting yourself in him, the action was arousing, your hips grinding on each other to find more relief at the sensation building again in your lower stomachs.

Your hands trembled, shook uncontrollably, while untying the belt around his pants, he kicked his shoes off, lowering his pants and boxers. Now you could finally remember his length clearly, your breath hitching when he patted the pink tip of his cock on your sensitive clit, wetness loud and clear mixing with the precum, going up and down your folds, with his own heavy breath he watched you whining and moaning every time he was near your hole clenching around nothing, waiting for him to fill you.

He pushed the tip in, your pussy making it hard for him to go through, slipping in only thanks to the cum that it was being produced, pushing in till none of his cock was out, the tip kissing your cervix. You both breathed hard, he groaned feeling your walls squeezing around him, the warmth, all the heavenly sensations.

He took the moment for you to relax to take off the shirt blocking him from seeing the rest of you, only then when he could see your tits bounce with every thrust did he start to fuck you just like he did last night.

You kept your voice low, his fingers digging into your waist, the slapping of his balls on your ass, of your skin clapping, echoed in the room with his low grunts of satisfaction.

The feeling in your lower stomach coming up again, his hips moving sloppily, his teeth greeting as he spasmed through till your back arched impossibly more, eyes rolling back, with that feeling in your lower stomach unleashed while clamping down on him, milking him off his semen into you. Filling you completely.

There was a break and then you picked back up where you left… you don’t know how many times this was repeated, enough for your legs to ache and feel sore, your cum mixed together oozing out of you while he was spooning you under the sheets.

It felt like a dream, but like all dreams, there’s a moment they come to an end.

“I don’t do relationships.” Megumi’s tone was warm, but your body stiffened a bit. This was your call to reality, for your mind to remember that he was the friend you made through class, that you appreciate the company, the little games, the laughs and the same one who had probably half the campus’ girls at his feet.

You purposely replayed in your head the way he entered your own dorm building, knowing exactly where and who to go to, multiple times.

Your heart was breaking, there was a conflict going on, you liked him, you had fallen for him, but to which length?

“It’s fine.”

No, it wasn’t. But you forced yourself to say those words. Regardless of how it was going to be, you still wanted to have him smile and laugh, breaking that stoic facade only to you every day. You didn’t want to lose that friendship and contact and if it was to be occasional sex then so be it.

“Would you be into having this keep going and still be friends, no exclusivity?” His words hurt too damn much. Your eyes were shut making it look like you were going to sleep.

No exclusivity. What a great joke you put yourself through just for him, thinking that it will be worth getting your heart trampled over and over again. For him… while he probably felt nothing more than great pleasure at having one more toy to play with.

“Okay… I’m tired though, whatever it is, it’s okay.” He hummed and you could feel the light smile on his lips through his tone, he hugged you tighter and you wanted to damn him so much, to curse him out, scream, cry and get out of his arms; he did this so easily, holding you like it actually meant something, while not having had sex before, you knew how simple holding were different-

But you couldn’t do more than to melt in his arms with a single tear coming out of your eye.

It was the beginning of a spiral towards the low of lowest.

Your routine didn’t change other than the sex, he was in class, sat next to you, only little gestures changed, he looked at you in a softer way, light smiles, he played with your fingers and strands of hair.

Meaningless little gestures. You had to remind yourself.

This was a month or two into this friends with benefits thing, you don’t exactly know if he did use the no exclusivity clause or not, meaning, if he slept with other people, but you tried not to think about it too much. You tried not to make it hurt too much.

You tried to think of the conversations late at night, between you two only, of all the times you passed time together, acting like lovers, giggling and laughing in your sheets, talking with his friends too, passing movie nights there with all of them, eating together as he held you every time with an arm around, like you had filled the role of his girlfriend.

This had made you happy enough to not doubt him as much, after all even in the eyes of his friends it seemed like you were the only one for him.

Making you fall in love with him more and more. But-

“So, are you two dating now?” Yuuji was the one that put in question everything, how you wanted to smile and nod, and how much of a fool you would’ve looked while Megumi was already giving his answer.

“No, we are just friends. Stop saying nonsense.” While you tried to cover the sadness in the best way, with a normal goofy smile, lips bitten and fingers almost peeling each other off under the table, Yuuji looked at you skeptically.

Noticing the ways Megumi felt more anxious with his answer, caught off guard or mad. Even disgusted could fit, but a lot seemed to go through his mind at the exact moment the words spilled out, confusion, fear…

You cleared your throat, trying to keep the conversation with Yuuji going for lunch, talking about the professors, talking about anything that would not remotely touch this argument again.

Megumi left before you two, after Yuuji actually confronted you alone and said some words to help you, you left going to the library to pick up the few books you needed for your assignment and headed back to your own dorm.

You were surprised when you saw him entering, in all this time not once was spent in your dorm, it was always his, and not once you mentioned where or which was your room. With a heart pounding into your chest, you entered shortly after him, following him, till you saw him again, two floors below yours, knocking into a room, and the instant it opened he was hungrily kissing a blond girl, not straining himself to grab her ass and neck, walking them inside and kicking the door closed.

You didn’t realize how you were crying, till the tears spilling were soaking your shirt, a soft sigh escaping you with a chuckle and a broken smile. I’m a fool for even…

You walked back into your room, letting all your things fall on the desk, getting in your bed with your clothes still on, there was no room for anything more than self loathing.

I got myself into this… I accepted it, I said yes to no exclusivity, I said yes to just casual fucking and I’m here crying like I knew nothing and got cheated on.

The fact that you were laughing at your own stupidity was breaking you more, you dug your own grave, and now you were crying about it.

I’m so fucking dumb, I knew it already why am I crying?... I thought I could handle it… Can I go back before I met him, change seats last minute to never see his goddamn smile, for him to not make me fall in love with him…

Please… let me go back.

When you woke up, your eyes felt sore, red and puffy from your crying, you had completely missed your lesson and you were not planning on going out of this room any time soon. What you didn’t expect was the reason for your heartache to have filled your phone with texts and calls… all starting from yesterday night.

You wanted to throw your phone so badly after looking at the hour on each message… Did he do this before? Did he called you in to sleep at his after fucking someone else?

You breathed deeply. I have no right to be mad. Was the only thing you could repeat to feel some part of the pain alleviate, you don’t know which but you just hoped it worked.

You: Sorry, I’m going to be at my parents’ for the week.

You: Family issues XD

Gumi: Oh, all right. Take care, text me whenever, hope everything works well.

You: Have fun.

What kind of text was that? You were acting like a bitter girlfriend… and you were not. You barricaded yourself in your room for the week, from Monday to Friday night, trying to put yourself together, mourn your heart and come up with something to do.

By Friday evening you were slipping back into the tight black mini dress you had on that night, heels on and purse with only essentials and you were out of the dorm, going to the party Nobara texted you about. You’d use the condition too. If he could…

And he really could, when you entered the house the party was held in, your eyes almost automatically found him sitting at the kitchen counter, just like then, with a girl kissing him. You rolled your eyes, after the countless times you passed self loathing just the last week, nothing could actually offend or break you even more.

You ended up talking and passing your time with Yuta Okkotsu, chatting and laughing, he was a nice guy, there was a mysterious aura around him but he did nothing that didn’t feel genuine. The conversation was briefly interrupted by an arm around your shoulder. “And here I thought you were Pres’ girlfriend but you were just a new toy?”

“Ryomen… whose toy?” You asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Pres? President of the frat, pretty… Fushiguro.”

“Oh… well no…” Your fingers grabbed his jaw, guiding him till he was facing another direction. “See… there’s your president and that’s his new toy. I’m not. Have fun.” You said taking Yuta’s hand, he was keeping in the laugh at seeing the unmoving Sukuna, he took the lead and after you downed your drink, the two of you started to walk upstairs, in the corner of your eyes you met his eyes, looking at you with something you’ve never seen in him.

You didn’t want to care about it now.

You wanted to care and feel drowned by the ecstasy Yuta was giving you, while kissing you, holding you, fucking into you, but you didn’t know how to turn emotions completely off, because how could Megumi do this and not feel any shame or guilt?

When you woke up, Yuta made sure to accompany you home after breakfast and a well deserved shower from last night and maybe morning activities. There was an exchange of numbers thanks to you but he left with some words to you. “Heal first, don’t avoid the way it hurts, if you want to get closure from him and yourself and then call me, I’ll be happy to hold you a bit more while drinking vodka or something. All right?”

It felt stupid for you the way tears pooled in your eyes, lips trembling as much as he had to hug you and help you calm down, saying sweet things to you.

He kissed your forehead and let go of you as you walked up to your room.

Never thinking that you’d find Megumi there sat on your bed, your feet killing you had you taken them off in an instant, your purse somewhere thrown on the bed along with your phone and keys, your dress slipping off, substituted with a t-shirt. You sat crossed legs on the desk, in front of him.

“Who did you ask where I live?”

“Yuuji.”

You hummed, looking out the window… the day was just starting and this was how, what a joke. “Building looks familiar to you, doesn’t it?”

His head snapped up to look at you, while you slowly turned to face him with a bored look. “So, what’s wrong? You look like a corpse.”

“I’ve been calling you all night, why didn’t you reply?” It seemed like he was trying to come up with questions right then and there.

“My phone died and I didn’t check it, my bad. Is that it? I have a shower to do and lectures to-”

“Did you sleep with him?” It was direct, his eyes were narrowed at you, shutting you up with your mouth parted, a chuckle of disbelief.

“That’s funny… yeah, I did, does it matter?” He had annoyance slapped over his face, as if he was actually talking to you or not, why were you behaving this way with him. “What do you mean if it matters? Don’t we have sex exactly for this?” He spat out.

“We do, that didn’t stop you from sleeping around too. Why is it different? You know Pres, Yuuji was right, you’re one selfish bastard.” Megumi stood up in a second, nearing the desk while you gulped down the knot of cries and sobs that were forming in your throat internally.

“It’s not different, I just… you don’t need anyone else to sleep with if-”

“If I have you…? but I don’t, that’s where you’re wrong. You made it clear the first time with the no “exclusivity” and a week ago with the “ew, you dating me it’s nonsense, we’re just friends”” Only now he could recognize the look in your eyes, a broken one, filled of hurt. “Gumi, what happened? Do you feel something for me? Or are you just a jealous possessive bastard?”

His jaw was clenching hardly. “I care about you.”

“No, you don’t. You don’t care about anybody but you.” Now the glassy look of your eyes was evident, him saying that he cared was honestly more hurtful than probably hearing him say that he didn’t give two shits about you. “I love you.”

His eyes widened, he felt a weight drop in his own stomach, seeing the pain, the way you were about to break, but your face held a smile, a weak one, trying to keep yourself together. “So I think this thing can’t keep going, you can go out and find all the no strings attached girls you want but I’m done having you treat me like I’m the one you love and three seconds later treat another girl the same way. It fucking hurts.”

Your head was throbbing in pain, you couldn’t bear to look at him anymore, having that distraught look on his face you couldn’t comprehend. You were rubbing your eyes, you had cried enough and you had promised not to do it again. You got off the desk, walking around him till opening the door of your dorm.

“Please, just leave.” You asked, but he refused to move. You shut the door back aggressively. Your patience was wearing thin.

“If you really care about me like you just said, then leave!” You screamed at him. Going right in front of him, your hands on his chest but with no strength to push him.

“Do you want to know how it hurts? Tell me how you do it. Please. I don’t want to feel anything anymore.” You cried, there was no way you could do it. While being so close you just wanted to feel his arms around you and like he read your mind when he pulled you in a tight hug, his head on yours.

Holding you the closest ever, in intimacy, in feelings.

Could he make a sacrifice for the only girl he ever felt something for? Something so unnatural and foreign to him to act irrational? Could he commit to you when he now knew your feelings corresponded to what may be his? Could he surpass his own commitment issues?

There wasn’t a clear answer to his questions but the kiss on your lips, the fluttering in his body he didn’t know how to identify going all throughout his body, feeling him of excitement but unlike other times of a drop of guilt and weight that pulled him down.

Your hands were clenched in tight fists on the front of his chest. You were cursing at yourself for being so weak, but you couldn’t help but to excuse yourself for it being the last time.

His hand cupped your lower back under the t-shirt perfectly, the coldness of it making shivers fill your body, making the arch of your body go till your bodies were pressed hard against one another. Your arms going around his neck, deepening the kiss, while his hands kept roaming around your bare skin, with a much more gentle touch than he ever used with you.

There was no interruption when he lifted you up and then laid you back on your bed, his body lying between your legs which were wrapped around his waist, giving him no space to move.

Megumi softly unwrapped your arms, looking down at you with a flustered face, heavy breath at your disheveled form, he lifted off the piece of cloth covering you, leaving you in your soaking pair of panties. He could see the faint marks the guy of last night left on you, his heart was throbbing in pain at the sight, but he knew this is what he got for playing with you initially.

He took off his own, leaving the bulge in his pants more evident. He leaned back down, his lips trailing kisses all over, leaving new marks, harsher ones to make his own claim stronger than the previous.

You felt your panties being slipped off, once he was done with the hickeys he started to press kisses from your ankle, leaving red and pink marks on your inner thighs, till his tongue ran through your folds. Savoring you, loving seeing the way you squirmed at the sensitive and intimate touch. He hummed and moaned on you, stimulating, pleasing and teasing.

Megumi kissed your clit once before sitting back up, pulling down the pants holding tightly his growing and hardening bulge.

His cock tipped on your wet pussy, rubbing, collecting lube till slipping in fully.

A groan escaping his mouth at the feeling of your warm velvety walls clamping down on him, he stopped his hips sinking in, keeping himself back from immediately cumming.

He leaned down, pinning you down with his forearms, going back to your lips, making you feel your own taste on your tongue, he guided your arms back around you, making your nails dig on his skin, giving you permission to do it, to mark him as well, something you knew he was never comfortable with.

He wanted to have you claim him.

He thrusted with more ferociousness, your bed moving with his movements, hitting on the wall, echoing with skin slapping, and his loud moans of pleasure and pain at the deep scratches on his back and shoulders almost drawing out blood.

Your eyes were spilling out tears, your emotions were running all over the place, your heart throbbed and your mind couldn’t comprehend the fact that you were going to let him go after he showed you such love and affection. It was for the better in the end.

Droplets of water made you open your eyes in the slightest, seeing his expression, your heart stopped at him crying.

He was crying, he was being pressured with the same amount of feelings you were, did he have your same realization? Did he get how he’d let go of you now?

Your high approached sooner, moaning out, pulling away from the kiss, he kept his lips on your body, going down on your chest and neck, while your mouth was left agape as you came around him.

Not many seconds later his sloppy thrusts had him completely fill you, spilling thick ropes of cum into your womb.

The two of you were left heavy breathing, his body collapsed on yours, arms around one another, neither of you wanted to let go.

When he decided to finally back up and pull out, your heart started to beat faster, expecting to see him dress up and getting out, you were even more nervous when he only pulled up his underwear and walked in the bathroom. You noticed his fair skin with deep red marks, feeling for a second a bit of satisfaction in this.

When he came back, he started to wipe with a wet wipe, the seed that was oozing out of you, he was taking care of you instead of leaving you, he pulled you in him, getting the both of you under the sheets, spooning you, his arms tightly wrapped around your waist.

His lips pressed against the back of your head, you felt his heart pick up as well as his breathing getting heavier.

“I love you.”

He had his eyes shut but it didn’t stop him from feeling your body stiffening under his hold.

“Megumi-“

“I do. But I don’t know how to do this. I was scared and I said and did things that hurt you. I tried to keep at arm's length but I ended up falling for you too.”

“Don’t say this just to not let go of me.”

“Im not. It’s something that has been building up for some time, months, maybe even before we slept together at all. But I did not want to admit it, so I chose the path to keep you as close but not commit. And I’m sorry.

I didn’t sleep with anyone till that day Yuji commented on whether we were dating or not. I couldn’t believe it, I felt so ashamed after that I texted you, I wanted to hear from you even though I felt like I couldn’t face you.

I used girls just so I could drown the thought of having fallen for you, of the fear I felt.

I’m sorry.”

He tightened his hold around your bare skin, as he felt your sniffles, your body shaking lightly.

“I don’t fully trust you…” it was a sob, a plea, even if he confessed this all now, the doubts that had filled you, not only about him as a significant other but yourself, your own value, your security in yourself.

“I promise I will change for you, for myself and for us to work together. I will rebuild that trust, just give me a chance, be with me, let me earn your heart and forgiveness.”

Your head hurt, your heart did too, there was no answer once again, just the two of you falling asleep holding each other like lovers enjoying their last time.

Open Ending.

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aesotheric · 3 years

Text

today on jinx versus gojo.

the thing that hurts me most about him is the lack of sleep he gets, and his detachment issues. i know you’re sitting here like “bitch explain”. well, here’s my thesis

it started out as him believing he didn’t need what’s considered a ‘healthy’ amount of sleep. gradually, that turned into so much more. sleep is something troublesome for him, because while he’s wasting his time asleep, he could be doing so much more. sleep is but an obstacle of his motives, and fears.

while asleep, he can’t be fully aware what’s happening around him. anyone could get into his home, and put him in danger in such a ‘weak state’. that’s why he became such a light sleeper. if you so much as move your head in bed, he’s aware. if you have a nightmare or a bad dream and softly speak his name, he’s wide awake. — having such a large target on his back is sometimes crippling and the foremost thought in his head.

his lack of sleep from fear turned into more. the time he’s spent asleep, he could be protecting and mentoring his students. he could be taking out curses, and doing his job. now, the thought of not being good enough enters his head. why would he waste his time being asleep? it makes him irresponsible as a sorcerer.

even if all those things magically dissipated, and he somehow got to live in a now peaceful world- he’d be stuck with inevitable insomnia from how long he’s lived like this.

to top the cake, gojo satoru doesn’t have attachment issues. he has detachment issues. though he cares deeply about his students, and would do anything to protect them and make the world a safer place for generations to come… he’s become emotionally detached from the idea of relations. he can’t process romantic love, or even general love. especially not since the loss of geto.

someone could show genuine interest in him, and he’d be oblivious to it. he wouldn’t catch it, and if he did it’s because you spelled it out for him. he’d have the hardest time understanding why you would love or care for him. why someone would see a man who on the outside comes across lighthearted, and goofy, or too good for anyone else; but be fragile, scared, and alone on the inside. it baffles him.

if you showed a liking or love for him, it would take him months to comprehend. even then, he wouldn’t fully accept it. the idea of love would terrify him. how could he even consider being selfish enough to bring you into his world, and put you in danger? he can’t do that to you, or to anyone. he’s not a selfish person, and he has to put others before himself. that’s the type of man he is. the type that has to protect everyone else because if he doesn’t, he’s failed himself and those who managed to trust him.

perhaps gojo has slept around a time or two, but even then… he still doesn’t like to. the only reason he did really, was because at low points, he’s craved some form of physical intimacy. to be close to someone if even for just a night… and even then, he’s been so self aware in that it was just a night, and would be absolutely sure to make sure the other person knows it’s a no strings attached situation. he’d be so careful to make sure he isn’t being followed, and is discrete as possible so that he isn’t endangering that person.

so no, gojo satoru isn’t a “whore” without reason. he’s just… alone.

until he met you. everything from there was so messy. so long of not catching the hints led you to put all your cards on the table. you were just a human, oblivious to everything in his world. you innocently became a friend outside of his stress. you were just a person who made everything fade away for a little while; but with your feelings in the open, he had no choice. he had to push you away. he had to be a little mean, because you weren’t getting it. you were too good for him, and he didn’t deserve you. you didn’t deserve the pain or ache that came with him. yet, despite it all, you were set on understanding. you were set on knowing every aspect of his terrible life, and learning why he tried so desperately to make you hate him and leave.

it was his turn to put his cards on the table. he told you everything. how he was a jujutsu sorcerer, how he taught and mentored students, how he was a walking target and that anyone he was close to would be held against him given the opportunity. that a boy was on death row, and that he blamed himself for the death of his best friend. he hoped, and prayed it sent you away. it didn’t. to his fear, you involved yourself. you became some semblance of light. you took him lunch at the school, you met the students, you made him go out for coffee together… it terrified him, and rocked his reality. why did you have to love him?

you understood his fear, and reluctance to you, but you could sense that yearn for you that he had. truthfully, it scared you too— but everything you felt for him outweighed that fear. you only wanted to show him a love, that he had clearly never had before. slowly, you dug your way under his skin.

he wanted to hate you for trying to make him act selfish, though he couldn’t. he was months and months of work, but when it finally clicked to him that he couldn’t shake you… he accepted the fact that sometimes life was going to be unpredictable, and came with risk. it was okay to be selfish.

now, you watched him sleep. you brushed the hair out of his face, as he finally got a moment of peace and slept longer than three to four hours a night. you watched as he got to laugh, and be himself around you. you watched as he became so smitten with how you made him feel. the craving of physical and emotional intimacy became a reality that he could accept. he accepted it because you were stubborn and hell bent on making him see it.

so no, gojo satoru isn’t a whore. he craved something he couldn’t have. no, gojo satoru doesn’t have a god complex. he suffers from an inferiority complex that leads to lack of sleep, and a fear so strong that he’s always looking over his shoulder. gojo satoru isn’t a cold, all powerful man… he’s just trying his best, to protect everyone. he’s just as fragile as anyone else, and needs someone to love him for his flaws. stop treating him like he’s any less.

this one’s for the gojo fuckers @ahtsuwu @larkspyrr @oikawaandkuroostan @4dtk @suguruwrx

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