adultsec

[adultsec]

Victim Mentality

Triggers and fear, why do we even need them? We used to, according to lots of literature. When we hunted for food, we'd have to have a sense of danger. However from B.C. to A.D. (year 2020), we're not exposed to those types of dangers as much especially in modern countries.

With that being said, we as a culture have the freedoms to do many things -

1. Speak freely

2. Worship freely

3. Have choice of decisions.

Knowing that those are our freedoms we tend to focus on our limitations. Completely by choice based on momentary situations.

There comes a time when depression, anxiety, and even impatience kicks our ass. It just does, any human with a brain has the capacity to experience some symptom of those three clinical situations. Depression, anxiety, and impatience come from a few common denominators.

Common Denominators -

1. Living in the future (anxiety) (impatience)

2. Reminiscing the past negatively, examples of that are as follows:

2.1Focusing on what could've been is only good when it's a learning experience, it's a fine line to cross when that same exact past troubles you, to the point it haunts you.

How to improve...NOW?!

It's easier to say, because the reality is... Life is hard.

To get started on a few basic ways of becoming more positive you have to reframe your thinking. (Bleh I can't do this) I hear your thoughts, and maybe I'm overly optimistic today. In my madness there's room for error so don't start by putting high pressure on yourself, more so treat yourself kindly.

1. When you inevitably "fuck up" try to see it from a learning perspective. Try to think of ways that could have gone different. Plan on it happening again, even if it's awful. Why? To not feel like you've been a victim but to own the situation and claim it as an experience. It might have been horrible right?

I don't dismiss the value in feeling sad and upset but avoid putting blame on anyone thing or situation especially not on yourself.

I offer courses on rerouting those thoughts.

2. If impatience is rising ... Simply breathe deep. Honestly, it actually increases the alkalinity of your body, rendering deep inner resilience from within. So, yep... Breathing can ALWAYS help.

3. Depression. We all experience this from time to time. It can become chronic. Be mindful that depression is a demon that comes in many forms. If you're not capable of moving forward there's no shame in visiting your doctor. As valuable as it is to learn about yourself sometimes you have to reach out for help. Help will only be on the way if you seek it, if you don't seek help, be mindful that you're choosing to remain a victim to the pain and sorrow. Humans are natural survivors, so when you feel like giving up, or you see a friend giving up, acting off completely, just check in. 🖤

It's no walk in the park to be a member of Earth. That's why self-care is valuable. Self care comes in many shapes not just from a beautician.

Self Care Tips & Trix

Get yourself set up for comfort with what's available at home. (Comfy clothes, blankies, get creative!)

Seek someone to speak to, even if it's your boss or HR department. If those aren't available, call a support line such as the Suicide Hotline. You don't have to be suicidal to reach out for advice, they're there for you and I. Don't judge yourself for it, help is everywhere.

Find yourself some goals, if you wanted to be a better doodler, get to it. It takes practice and creativity cures temporarily anxiety and depression because you're in the moment of creating. Remember, perfection isn't real, it's an illusion.

Find social media groups that are focused around topics you love, or hate lol communication is fun so long as you learn from it.

Have fun by doing things you enjoy, if you love tea... Then go sample some near by and socialize, you'll never know what'll come from that.

Learn something! And yes learning sounds like a chore but remember... You're your own person and don't have to learn anything you dislike, try fun things. Some say pole dancing, I say hey whatever helps you enjoy learning and gives you a sense of reward. Dancing is a good one in general, since it's sort of a workout you can get those beautiful endorphins going.

I had difficulties seeing the world from these perspectives. I didn't find value in the day to day. However, we own our life. Slavery ended a while ago, thank the stars! Knowing that alone we can be more optimistic than we are now by simply begining to care for us, who we are, what we'd love, who we love, how we love, and when should be always love.. because so long as you're alive love actually is what's held you. Love from yourself even if it's tiny, but because I know that all we as humans want is to be appreciated for who we are. Embrace your farts, your laugh, your everything because we can effectively harness positivity. It's too easy to be a negative Nance.

♡Abi P.

02/26/2020

[adultsec]

EOY

I overthink everything.  I over think, overthinking.  I’m afraid most of the days I’m out and about.  Unless I stay inside.  Inside it’s safe.  Inside I’m me.  Inside, my loneliness is where it desires to be.  Loneliness is a characteristic I embrace.  Loneliness heals me, at least it doesn’t hurt me.  Loneliness shows me how small I really am.  Loneliness is where I grow in many directions.  I’m sitting still.  I feel cold.  The temperature lowers, and it’s all in my head.  I’m afraid of what I don’t know to ask.  I’ve dealt with worse, but my loneliness stays and coddles me. Even when I don’t want it, when I desire to be normal.  Not sure what that looks like because it’s such a smeared word.  I’m free, I’m in a much better place, yet loneliness overcomes me and tells me silence is better than my words. Then it’s proven right before my own eyes.  I think I have things to say, but they’re not received.  I’m a tree falling in the forest, can anyone hear me?  I’m screaming, but my face does nothing.  I’m pleading, but my voice has no range. 

I’ve heard healing is personal.  It’s an experience you have to look forward to daily.  Daily? That’s a long time Daily? That’s a serious commitment 

The truth is that word is a shackle for me; daily.  I know I have the strength of many giants, but when you say, “Daily”...  I irk  While on the outside I awkwardly smirk. 

-abi 2019 

[adultsec]

Co-Humaning

What if as people we can enable our feelings and emotions towards intimate relationships, not (for sake of labeling), pedestrians. Only for those within our four walls, it's ideally where I've wanted to be. To not feel their intent but to be present in the confidence of my own mind. To be so "stateless" that I regurgitate my law and my logic. Conflict is expected, welcomed with request for clarification and attempt to empathize, possibly sympathy is needed too. To even step back further and give it an unbiased eye, to try and see my own emotions and their impact, chess or transparency, depends on which game we're participating in. What is the end goal here, think of that times eternity and how important this is vs 5 years or 3 months from now. It's endless, the time spent in mindfulness, but it should be our air, to accept what we've done and learn from that. Give up in the way of tension, stand up for clear injustice, legal matter, violence, but the rest leave it to words, it'll become policy in the making, not assumptions in limbo.

[adultsec]

A Time To Live

When you discover the ability to disassociate, you almost feel powerful. You decide to mute the noise. You decide, you can’t control the rest, and focus, if you’re strategic, on yourself, not the void. 

Your flaw can be, (don’t let this happen to you..) that in the dismissal of all those things that hurt you, in the dismissal of all those things that afflict you, you can’t disassociate with portions of life, it’s like a light bulb, it’s either on, or off. The darkness fades away memories of smiles, laughs and hugs, the good and bad don’t differ in the darkness, it’s just dark, and no one stands out, we’re all the same, bumping into walls. 

This was something I did. 

One day, I turned on the lights, and instead of seeing people walking slow scared to bump into walls, as intended, people were charging at me, and my kids were being stepped over. Not to mention, some people learn to live in the darkest moldiest corners and thrive, like mold. They seem just like you and me in the crowd, nothing more nothing less, but in a dark room, where you laid down, flat, versus trying to find a wall, you laid there, safe enough to make sure you heard what’s needed. That’s not enough to thrive. 

If you’re not sure why the darkness isn’t healthy, for a moment, lets stop to see why we require Vitamin D: “ The Vitamin D Council -- a scientist-led group promoting vitamin D deficiency awareness -- suggests vitamin D treatment might be found helpful in treating or preventing autism, autoimmune disease, cancer, chronic pain, depression, diabetes, heartdisease, high bloodpressure, flu, neuromuscular diseases, and osteoporosis. However, there have been no definitive clinical trials.” -  Daniel J. DeNoon 

With that knowledge, we can have a small understanding as to why the light is actually good, light is a symbol for knowledge, hope, “the light at the end of the tunnel” isn’t really a bad thing when we hear that, is it? So why do we latch on to the darkness, the defeat? 

Creating goals, focusing on life, can be productive, but if and when you wake up one day, to a tragedy, because we can’t live on earth without paying that cost, we all experience a tragedy, what do we do? 

We realize, people don’t stop smashing their head onto the walls, in the dark or under the sunshine. We experience that when the light hits, sure, no one looks pretty, no one seems alert, but waking up usually takes at maximum a few hours, and for some people, you learn, that they don’t wake up, in fact, they make choices, and moves, as if they had a blindfold. 

So, what can we do, help? We can’t. 

Do we, disrupt them, and try to teach them? Maybe, but the expectation should be null, they may never adopt your lessons or grow with you, they might like that moldy corner. That’s okay, but their darkness shouldn’t take you with them, there is a moment when you realize, that disassociation was okay back then, but now, you’ll have to face this experience with all emotions. Why? Because you want to do as much as you can so your loved ones don’t grow roots in the mold, so they can open their mind to the light, the possibilities, and also the heartbreak, and pain, believe it or not, it can be healthy when dealt with reason. 

When you realize, “I am emotionally connected to a person, a friend, a person, I’ve been vulnerable with”. That shouldn’t be a burden, that should relieve you from the weight and tell you, I’ve done my part, I didn’t intentionally go out of my way to hurt them, I just don’t think this situation is okay for me, emotionally speaking. Some people don’t see what’s best for you, it’s not their job, it’s our own job to determine that. 

Parenting is something we see correlated with nurture, when you see the word parenting, you can think of safety. That, hopefully, is your experience, but it wasn’t mine, and so, therefore I have the “superpower” to go around the world really observing people, offering advice, and being there as I can. When any, relationship begins to feel heavy, awkward, stressful, and the vulnerability you had with this person becomes a wall, revise your emotions, realistically. 

Consider all the lovely memories, you might get sad, I personally process those memories like I do when a good piece of art is before me. “I am experiencing this art now, this monument, man-made, but I can’t sleep, eat, live in front of it, I gotta move on, so I thank the hand of the artist, and move on to the next piece” 

More often than not, people are like art, their value lays deep in them, or it could be a mask they wear, but everyone you come across contributes to your life, their words, their sadness, their joys, their emotions (if they’ve let you in) are the art. 

We get attached, and that’s something I stopped doing very young, about when I was 17, a German woman I worked with, almost, gave me permission to let myself believe people are an experience, like any other, and those who do love you, and want to stay with you, it will be effortless, you’ll bond, don’t force things. 

In the darkness it was easy to love the common sounds I heard, only because, I love noise, but not because it was conducive of growth, when I think hard, the growth that’s poured into my life, has come from self reflection. Lately, and randomly, I stop growing, and realize that I’m stuck, in the mud. 

So I’m back at square one, sort of, I am no longer in the dark, but I was on a bridge, thinking I could keep communication with people who remained in the dark with me, but they grew mold, they have blindfolds. I can’t stay, my kids can’t stay, but it’s healthy to see all those things, as they age, they can have their own opinions about their experiences, but the difference I’m making for them, is the consistency that I have their back. I will now with full awareness help them keep a night light in the dark, to help them observe and learn and grow, seeing people as an experience, to love the things they love, and to always be aware, (hopefully) that the light is real, it’s in you, it’s your mind, the facts, and knowledge you pick up as you walk on. 

No one is perfect, and no one is prepared to question life, most think, “this is the way it is”, I’ve challenged that in the past, and I fell into a moment, where I did this too, laid in my own shit. Though, behind the ears of my kids, where all the coins come from, I saw an opportunity, to help my kids and myself, leave the things we can’t control behind, and absorb opportunity and emotional awareness daily. To see people with empathy, as creatures of their own story, and so long as we’re in a safe place, find love, support, in one another, our home of 6 is a safe haven, walls stay outside, and inside, we’re all just hanging out, and eating Doritos, asking about each others day without wondering if anyone has a different agenda, we’re all just there, loving one another. 

Abi -2019

[adultsec]

Growing Pains

I want to become who I need to be to move on from the sadness.

I'm going to develop my ability to gauge myself before anyone else.

To help myself comfort the solace in my mind that I create from the scraps of bad moments and experiences, those are in the past.

Self doubt caused my delay in believing I can, in forcing myself to learn and thrive.

Evolution hurts, it hurts to ignore my emotional self, it feels greedy to dismiss my emotions in exchange to learn and draft my future.

Instead I think of ways I'm compromising myself and my relationships by dedicating time to my personal growth, it's so backwards.

I have all the tools to grow.

I selfishly have kids that respect my time, and what am I doing with that gift, what am I producing?

They rely on me to set the example.

My partner is worth every moment of my life, but also all of my successes.

Do I split in half?

No, I spread myself thin to give what I can because no one expects a damn thing from me and I owe myself to thrive as I know I can.

Doing what's right will get me launched into a start, and once committed, I'm dangerous.

Dangerous to the competition, and the only competition, the only weight on my ankles, is myself.

Abi - 2018/11

[adultsec]

Someone asked why we as people stay in bad relationships.

Historically, giving up on anything is a sign of failure.

Therefore, we think that if we persists to live to in a mediocre manner that one day things are bound to get better with some invested effort. Unfortunately, no matter how much effort you invest, the full decision for that person to love you is in their own mind and heart. You're living up to something that isn't even logical to trust, but we hold ourselves accountable for this two person relationship, when that's not realistic.

So when it's going to fail, you panic and try to fix it while you live every other day the same, no improvement. Possibly never realizing that the really strong relationships are based on a simple thing, constant communication, being open about all your fears and insecurities, to learn how this person really truly feels about life, experiences, core beliefs, but you compare and contrast who you are by always talking and not judging, real love comes from knowing yourself so well that you want to share yourself with a person who can embrace life like you, but also add value and grow from each other, and all these things come from all the uncomfortable feelings we tend to hide and hold intimate, not until you see someone how they truly are is when you know if you love them.

[adultsec]

Learn to learn.

Currently processing this information, in my noggin: 

I'm not sure how to phrase this, so I hope it makes sense...

I'm in love with the idea of capturing what kind of person someone is. I have been very inside my head as a kid, and sort of muted that quality as I began parenting. As a young adult, I lived in a reality where I knew people didn't love someone fully unless you offered something, so it made sense to me not to question much more than what was said to me. It’s not in my nature to do this, so it was a real struggle to not let my thoughts get the best of me. I’m a very loving, and direct person, I don’t expect a lot, just respect, so it’s been a challenge for me to feel fully loved as I grew up because people always seemed to have a personal agenda, from family, friends, and even through marriage.

I've learned after a few changes in life (divorce, and living on my own) that it's important to keep growing, personally. I don't know how many people really live in their heads and put on a facade for others, but I know I do. From acting formal at work, to being extra sarcastic with friends, we tend to do these things naturally. It's a thrill for me to be able to watch and learn from people. I thrive when I can ask someone why they chose to do something, solely so I can see their point of view, especially when they are open and honest about their intentions. 

I’ve been to therapy, I’ve been to religious counseling, and the common trend is that they offer you new alternatives to aid you in daily challenges. They can offer a new approach towards meeting people, or even a new way of talking to others. The idea is that they don’t have all the answers, but they have a multitude of theories that they can present to you, and as a willing participant, ideally, you’d try these on the next occasion the issue presents itself to you in hopes to soothe said interaction. 

I get to share these inquisitive thoughts with a partner now who processes things similarly to me. We wonder what type of goals people might have, how they probably aren't self aware, and if they are, why do they choose to do certain things. As a member of a lot of social media groups, I can say that people have a common issue across all platforms, which is lack of communication. It’s amazing the issues people can have due to expecting their partner, family member, or even friend, to do “the right thing”. The “right thing” though, is illusive, because if you never directly tell someone you expect certain things from them, they never will be able to meet your expectations. It’s easy to think, well I’ve told them, but again, from this angle, most people just insinuate it. Hardly going into detail about their goals and dreams, people set the bar high for a partner to be able to fulfill their life goals alongside them, when in fact, they may too be on a whole different road map. 

People are amazing, even in their flaws, a flaw actually isn't even the right word, because a flaw to me, isn't likely a flaw to you. (See? Constantly learning, even from my own thoughts) 

Let’s, try that one again: 

People are amazing in their own way, if more people saw others as a learning opportunity, more people would understand that group-think actually silos you from really opening your mind to other points of views, it stops you from understanding the human (heart felt) motives of the other parties. Group think creates this idea that anyone thinking opposite of you is the enemy, and you move forward thinking this the moment you see certain trending topics, you unleash your group-think fire at the opposing team. This, though, is where we can gravely lose an opportunity to learn, we’re not taking the time to humanize the opposing team, and asking them why they feel so passionate. A lot of times, both parties are too focused on their own ideology to even be willing to talk reasonably at all, it’s sad to see. 

The anatomy of a human is very similar across the board, so why do we treat each other as if someone was below or above someone, equally, none of us really know what we’re doing. The need to belong is higher than the need to learn, that's my own opinion. It's a tragedy to go out there into social media and voice an idea just so someone can feel completely fine, telling you it’s not okay, insulting you even, solely because it’s not part of their own personal thought process, or belief. At times people decide to block me completely because I don't agree, and other times, solely for questioning their thought process. It's something I do as a people watcher, I enjoy saying things that I think are logical in my mind to be of service in ways where it's outside of the norm for others, but that scares people, it enrages them. 

I love poking holes into people's ideas, I wish there were more people to talk to this way, we could use the extra words of wisdom to maybe show us sympathy or even a healthy banter where no one gets upset. The idea of talking to someone who grew up with completely different habits, is actually exciting for me, to others, the difference, or even the plainness scares them. A white male can’t voice their opinion because per popular opinion, they don’t have the right to say anything because the minorities have more say. A feminist has the full right to say a that men are oppressors, a pro-life person can bash on religion, there’s a lot of back and forth, I do see that, but it’s for attacking purposes. 

If for instance, a feminist could tell us why she’s feeling oppressed, then maybe men could input and say, hey, we can do this to work together, but in an ideal situation, we’d see the two work together, and not insult. 

Side note: This to me would be the perfect idea of a woman fighting for women, actually allowing men to speak so we can then give men a chance to say if they did these things on purpose or just by accident, and work towards a compromise. That’s just me idealizing that group-think is completely tossed out the window and the trend was actually to learn from one another. 

The same idea would go for so many topics, and in a learning-based community, we’d have the ability to sit, and listen, not jump in and interrupt at the sound of an “opposing” word. Maybe, if we fully listen, we’ll realize we agree on just enough, to make things right with each group, compromising towards a solution, or closer to one. Evolution is key, we have to accept that people are ever changing, we develop rapidly, but we should strive to develop and learn from each other, people who work together thrive in much faster speeds than people constantly stopping one another to insult. 

Being questioned isn't an insult, the insults are in the idea that you won't listen to a new opinion because you're right. Science is factual, until you learn something new about the topic, then we consider it, evolving. Emotions can at times play a trick on us, so, combining facts, and understanding peoples feelings, could increase the chance of everyone contributing to new healthy ideas, or goals. The moment we accept we don't know everything, it's when you can start challenging yourself to constructively participate in helping others, even to let them see a new light. Helping someone capture a new idea, outside of the norm, will drop the seed (hopefully) in their mind of new perspectives when this topic/challenge comes along. Especially if you’re a friend, it’s okay to question others on why they feel so strong about something, once they get mad, or offended, all we can do is simply excuse ourselves and say it wasn’t meant to upset them, but more so to see things their way and learn. 

Social media is a great way of getting into a battle of who's right and wrong. I see social media, like a lot of the internet, as a place to freely question everything, and challenge people with new ideas from the "traditional" way of thinking. More often than not, I experience people blocking me for suggesting some of the personal things I’ve done in the past to try and thrive through a personal challenge, and they find me insensitive. Solely by offering a new way of approaching their issue, people have a hard time accepting there are other ways, most people welcome becoming a victim of sorts. Most of the comments we see on many social media channels involve self loathing, or even enable more of the self destructive behavior by supporting the idea that being a victim is okay. 

Personal experience: It sounds odd, but people do this, for instance on posts where folks get divorced, there is often a partner who wants to use their kids against the other parent to make their ex suffer. Most people participating in the comments of these topics end up saying things to agree, or to say how much more creative you can be in your schemes. People tend to move with emotions more so than logic, especially in a group regarding divorce, it’s normal. The idea for me, is to comment something constructive about maybe seeking therapy so you dont feel the need to argue, or to point out the obvious, the children's best interest, and people tend to really get frustrated with my different tone, because they feel as if I’m attacking or judging. 

Learning how we as people cope to move through life is never ending. It’s a part of me I’ve always tried to improve on, from interviews to making friends. I always seek to be better at handling loss, and facing bullies. The internet more now than ever gives you the chance to spread your thoughts or learn from great studies, my goal, what I’m in control of... is to keep giving others ideas on how to do more for themselves, for self awareness and growth. People learn from you, believe it or not, what are you teaching people? 

-Abi 2018

[adultsec]

Group Think is Self Harm

We've all had a good run at something, but why stop there?

We have things we love and enjoy, people we love, why do we shield ourselves from becoming as vulnerable as possible?

They might break your heart, you might feel lonely, robbed. Sure, you can see it that way.

Life begins to challenge your thoughts when you see it differently.

When you consider pain as learning, when you absorb the hurt and expose it to yourself and find your weaknesses solely to repair.

Building a wall around yourself locks you and limits you in fear, judgment, and criticisms. You see beyond the wall what people do, how they are and hate it.

Free yourself from all that, love and accept everyone and anyone that respects you, those who don't, guess what? You can walk away from them, even if they are blood related.

It's hard for so many to let go, but once you do, once you embrace that the unknown is better than monotony and judgement, life takes you further.

People love to sit and rage over the government, laws, news, drama. It's fun to defend I suppose, but evolving is richer. To drop your weapon and take life in as it comes.

You'll always find something you hate, so why hold on to that, it's sadly harder to always find the good, but do it because you'll not only sleep better, but because unexpectedly, you'll attract it. You'll attract better conversations, not always, but more often, you'll know who and what is best for you. Picking sides isn't ever fair to one group or another, it's doesn't make you better, just makes more friction.

Learn to love your flaws, so that you can ignore everyone else's and really find the good when it looks at you in the eye.

Abi - 2018

[adultsec]

Responsibilities

The painful awaiting of something we anticipate has been my worst experience.

The expectations we hold, the purpose we think we're reaching.

What if it's not real, to me, that's karma.

The idea that something I don't control is supposed to happen in my favor isn't a pleasing idea. The mental demand of it is prison to me.

I'm comforted in letting go.

I'm at peace in moving forward.

Karma, it's ideas, and the power we give it isn't something I'm going to feel comforted in.

I rely on evidence, so I respect the theory of cause and effect. If I freeze water, it's now ice.

Science is compelling to me.

The belief in the unknown hurts me, it scares me.

Therefore, for quite some time I've been sitting on this thought, which I heard recently, "what if karma isn't a thing".

I had never even opened the door to that possiblity, mainly because I didn't know it was an option.

I didn't understand what it meant. It means that people who hurt you get away free and clear? I don't think so.

I believe we shouldn't hang by the thread of a catastrophe that may or may not occur. I believe this alone shall help us surpass our fears, if we really sit and ponder. We can see that everyone can have the ability to hurt someone. I'm at peace in that if karma isn't real, those who hurt me just move forward and those I might have hurt are my responsibility to make mends. I control my own choices, behaviors, and how I affect others.

It helps me realize that it's my responsibility to help someone with closure, of my own wrong doings. With that, I am at peace, because it's tangible.

2018 - Abi

[adultsec]

Time

Time is going no where, we all think we have to chase it, or hurry.

We don't.

Maybe for dinner when the kids are hungry, maybe when you're late to work, but it's truly not really necessary.

Let go of stress by realizing that things will happen wether you rush or not. It took me lots of time to really believe that. I'd get traffic tickets for speeding and they'd always tell me no speeding is worth an accident.

It's true.

No rush hour will stop your loved ones from loving you, no rush hour will ever cause your partner to stop believing in you, or your children to cease loving you.

Life should be taken like a slice of decadence, even in the worst times, especially then. Really dive into the hurt, all knowing and accepting of the fact that pain doesn't break you, but it's a part of life, growth, and time to remember all the smiles you've provoked with your existence.

People split into two when they are held back from running to the next direction. Trust me, I know, it's easy for me to fall into that.

I hurry every once in a while still, and things turn out sour, I leave my keys in the car, I forget a spice in the food, it could be anything... And then it's not better, the day keeps getting worse, the food is bitter, the keys being gone makes you rage.

Life is full of reasons to rush, we are conditioned to hurry, come on, let's go, ándale!

But for once, try to let things not stress you, and you'll realize that all that pain and stress is temporary, the compromise is that you'll still have a lifetime of things to cause you stress and pain, we all do, just learn to let the small things slide.

Its easier said than done, because I still fuck it up, just know that in the mistakes there is a wink coming at you where all that could have helped you was taking two minutes longer and you might have avoided choking on breakfast or crashing your car, it's all one moment apart.

2018 - Abi

[adultsec]

Love you

It's days like these, or any, we might feel unlovable, just know this...

That there has not been any opportunities for someone to love you yet, someone will see you as a gold mine.

That day comes for those who aren't on guard, but are free to be themselves without judgement.

It sounds as mythical as soul mates, but it's real,and your future is waiting for you with loving arms and morning kisses.

2018 - Abi

[adultsec]

Inner Peace?

Reaching inner peace sounds like a fucking sham.

Once you reach it, it's actually strange and not permanent, but the fact that you become aware of it gives you the key to pursuing it more efficiently.

When you understand how we all work as people is the smallest thing, when you realize how you could affect others and what you control is enormous.

The more you experience the more you can either grow or fall apart, your choice.

That alone is why we don't have an excuse to linger in depression, it's common and it can really affect us. The challenge with anxiety and depression is that we limit ourselves to holding us accountable for what we did to bring us to this state. We look around for blame, and it's just within us.

There are chemically imbalanced people, that's normal, but most of us dont have a real excuse inside ourselves, we try to find why the people around us hold us back.

When they are gone, you still have the same frustrations and limitations and those closely follow misery and depression. It's a circle that can be hard to walk away from.

For starters, because you never sit to think it's you at fault, you worked so hard to make your frustrations show and raged and screamed to get your way and you still don't understand where it all collapsed?

The answer, I found recently, and it's not always going to work but it's something that draws me out of depression much faster than before. It's realizing I could have been more direct, specific, and learned to listen. How many things don't I miss out on because I think I know better. What's missing and why don't I understand my significant other, why do I feel oppressed by society, the movements out there are so relatable, it has to be society, it's NOT...

It's relieving yourself from falling into being a victim, and when you count your victories and realize that people don't bring you down, but that all you have to do is either use people for self growth in deep conversations, also when not to do that, because not all interactions are healthy. You'll realize that in the back and forth of those conversations you learn that opinions are healthy and help you really define yourself as well as probably another human. It's the essence of sales, but what if you could sell yourself the idea that happiness is within you?

That's when you're really free, the catch is that you always have to be strong and chase it, happiness is a tease, and wants to be pursued like the most beautiful person you've ever flirted with.

2018 - Abi

[adultsec]

Losses

Think of the nicest waiter you've ever had.

Maybe, if we could all take the time to be half as sweet, and supportive we could get somewhere nice, at least get some peace.

We look for happiness, in people, in activities, in life, as if it owes it to us.

Probably a terrible attempt, but hear me out. What if we go on a journey to be kind and just give to others without expecting back.

We might feel robbed, we might feel taken advantage of. We feel that way because we expected something, but in reality the action of giving should be enough.

I morphed time and time again to help and be someone I wasn't for people I cared about, and got nothing back. Once those relationships ended I was left with two choices, revenge or dignity. I chose dignity, with my teeth clenched, it's too easy to hold things against those we gave to, but WE opted to give, WE can say no.

I remember as a child I was expected to be a certain way, to never curse, to never make a mess, to be this plastic version of myself, for appearances.

I couldn't be more opposite than those expectations, once I left my first home I battled with myself. Losing that mold, I was to replace it with another mold, I was never truly free, and I strived to be like water.

Almost into my 30's, now I have a small sliver of what that means, I have found happiness in my loneliness. I have a partner who's helped me realize the world isn't against me, but everyone really is for themselves, and it took me to this realization.

I may not have it right.

We could be nice, not expecting anything back, and possibly our concience, our mind, our heart will live in relief that no one robbed us of what we gave freely. That we impacted people's lives with kindness and at the end of the day, when your head hits the pillow, feel rewarded in having less, because you gave it your all.

2018 - Abi

[adultsec]

Giving

It's so small, but do tiny things for your loved ones when they aren't looking. Leave a coffee or if you know they like something, get it for them without them asking. It's going to make you feel amazing and they will feel so loved.

Give yourself time to relax and think, take long baths or showers, just take time to think of things you're thankful for.

Flowers are nice, but has anyone ever just brought you a cozy blanket while watching TV as an adult?

Appreciate the nice things people do for you, accept them kindly and show them you're truly thankful. It's really what most loving people want, is to make you feel loved and cared for.

Love being lazy, give yourself a day to not even shower, it's liberating. Snack up, comfy down, and walk as little as possible. The least steps on record for me are 14 in 1 day, that's my win, not the highest number.

Take pictures of yourself as you are, it's sad, but one day we will be gone, and the more realistic pictures you leave behind, the better time people will have remembering you long after you go. In this case, think of your kids and grandkids. Keep a hand held album, if you don't want to post those silly pictures on social media. Just be you on photos.

2018 - Abi

[adultsec]

Relax

Have days where you don't do a thing, those will offset those overwhelming, chaotic ones.

Don't rush, if you're late, get a coffee.

Let em out, the farts, we all do it, if at all possible, be wise and let it out when you're face is the most serious.

Enjoy the water when you shower, and even better, have someone shampoo your hair whever youre given the opportunity, it's weird but your arms will appreciate it.

Go sample things, if it's free, why not.

Poop on company time. Getting paid to go is living the dream.

Enjoy the sunrise and sunset as much as possible, it's to easy to focus on what's nearest to us.

Love your family, even when they give you attitude, especially then, tackle them with love.

2018 - Abi

[adultsec]

Mistakes

Be aware and completely acknowledge that a person you hurt will never look at you the same after they learn you've broken their trust. Even if you say sorry or if it was while being drunk, there's something that can't be put back.

If someone helps you willingly to accomplish a task, no matter how awful it turns out, don't judge and say thank you.

Promises are nice, but doing is what will change your trajectory.

Sing in the car, dance when you hear a cool song, free yourself from all negative thoughts, at least for a moment.

Forgive yourself for not doing things differently, you wouldn't have done them any different because at that moment you did what your heart felt.

Be the bestest friend you can be, support and love, it doesn't require your physical presence, or to spend money. Just answer those calls and listen.

Make yourself amazing breakfasts when you have the opportunity, it shows you that you're willing to put in the time to spoil yourself.

When you want to learn from others make sure you listen wholeheartedly. If you're skeptical about advice, don't waste anyone's time.

Everyone has to clock in at points in their life to get paid, it's just how life is. Your career and dreams are important, never more important than giving it your all at what ever job you're at, because that job might lead you to unexpected results.

Cleaning is super necessary, but not more than a healthy mind and soul.

Kids can be brutally honest, it's why we should be the same with them, but with grace and respect. Their character will thank you for treating them as if they're worth the conversation.

Learn to learn, it's easily said, but it's so hard to focus.

If you feel lonely, go out, go take yourself on a walk or drive around your neighborhood, you might find things that help you even in the slightest. Even if it's just getting some sun.

2018 - Abi

[adultsec]

Bonding

If helping someone doesn't cost you anything, always do what's right.

Know your limits.

Dancing doesn't require thinking.

Say I love you, kiss, and hug whever the thought enters your mind. Otherwise, if you question any affection, just imagine how many times you didn't get affection because someone overthought it.

Never say food is gross or make faces at it, it's not, it's just not for you.

All lies eventually collapse against the truth.

Some people don't like music.

All of your feelings matter, even the ones you don't understand.

2018 - Abi