adonis-things - Tumblr blog

[adonis-things]

Skin

Some times my skin is uncomfortable Not in a philosophical way but in the way it feels Some days it just feel tight and I find myself picking little pockmars and holes along my arms and face Trying to some how loosen the very flesh I'm wearing

And there are days in quite the opposite where my skin is loose and I feel I have to hold it tight or someone will notice the sagging in my face a balloon deflated far too many times Folds of skin and I've never weighed more then 150

I'm always angry and uncomfortable My skin always making things more difficult And once I thought it was my clothes but this happens even if I'm standing in my bathroom Naked and dissociating

Sometimes I want to filet it all off and finally get some comfort

[adonis-things]

death

i wish to seek comfort in living, but i only feel comfort in the thoughts of death.

my death will be my gift, my gift of nirvana,

in which my soul will seek shelter of you.

[adonis-things]

I want to see my dad again

sooner or later, I will

I'll be in that sky with him

he'll get to know the adult me

because he couldn't know child me

instead of bonding over children movies and icecream daddy daughter dates

we'll talk about our depression and struggles throughout the life we so badly wanted to live,

but just couldn't take anymore

[adonis-things]

A Remarkable Time

...

I can't float in water; All I do is sink into a body That plugs my ears. And that deep unknown,

That easily cradles others,

Likes to pinch my nose instead— Reminding me Of what I take for granted.

I've tried and tried—I don't float!

And some may think that I'd Let myself drown but I kick Right through the inconvenience Of my disconnect

And from the outside, it may Seem like I am having A remarkable time.

...

Andi Leigh 08/09/2024

[adonis-things]

I'll never be as pretty as her

because I bet you told her the same thing you tell me

"I think you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen"

[adonis-things]

July 4th 2023 - Untitled

I look at the clouds

and I see the opening

leading to heaven

waiting for me to join

[adonis-things]

March 29th 2024 - Untitled

the glistening in their eyes

hoping I don't leave them

I swore to protect them,  but now I'm leaving

I hope time will soon shed the tears for me

because I can no longer listen to the weep of my own pain

[adonis-things]

The Night Sky - April 18th 2023

The Shadow across my ceiling

That still haunts my dreams

Looking out the window, but something catches my eye

I'm going crazy, insane, I need help

I call for the stars, hoping to save me from the night

But I'm wide awake, and the stars can't help me this time

[adonis-things]

April 23 2023 - Untitled

would I be pretty

if I were the sky

or would I be doom and gloom

and ruin pretty pictures

[adonis-things]

~ one of my favorite series to read is "Lorien Legacies." I'm currently re-reading the series and thought to share some of my favorite quotes!

- I'll come back to you," I say. "I promise you, if it's the last thing I do, I'll come back to you."

Her face is buried in my neck. She nods.

"I'll count the minutes until you do." she says. "Pitticus Lore"

- The price of a memory, is the memory of the sorrow it brings. "Pitticus Lore"

- A place is only as good as the people you know in it. It's the people that make the place. "Pitticus Lore"

~ If you read, specifically Sci-Fi, and need a suggestion, the "Lorien Legacies" series is amazing!

[adonis-things]

The Surface - June 28th 2024

I'm scared of the ocean

the waves crashing, pulling me under

when I was younger, the waves were intimidating

something I've never seen before

My grandpa got me out to sea to ride the waves

telling me how calm the waves are further in

I looked out, noticing the scenery

noticing how the waves didn't look so scary

not anymore

I took a breath to calm my nerves

listening to my grandpa, and took a leap

I rode the waves without a care in the world

just hoping to do it again

I'm still scared of the ocean

but not who I am once im in it

[adonis-things]

~ lost both the title and date of this short poem ~

maybe when we die

we become clouds

they leave a little room for me

when I'm a little extra sad

showing me

there's a place in the sky

where I can go

peacefully

so people can look at me

and think I'm beautiful

[adonis-things]

June 27th 2024 - Untitled

everytime the seasons change

I find myself longing for my favorite

as I'm bundled up in my sweaters, looking at Christmas lights

I wish to feel the Autumn breeze as I'm tasting my first coffee of the season

It brings me peace, Autumn

as if Autumn is my friend, letting me be me

once I see the change in the leaves

excitement fuels my body

ready for the adventures to come

but once I get Autumn, I take it for granted

it sneaks up being me, and I miss everything

and I continue to change, along with the seasons

waiting for my favorite

[adonis-things]

Tangible Thoughts - June 26th 2024

another restless night

with the thoughts throughout the day

storming the night

I lie awake, looking past the ceiling

and into the spaces inside my head

feeling the pain and sorrow

of the peace I will never have

hoping to shut my eyes and feel free

to only be haunted by my dreams

it's as if I'm cursed

binded by what I thought was just made up

is also tangible

I feel the pain, in my chest

in the attacks that corrupt my safe thoughts

it feels so real, that death has come

with every tear and every breath

slowing down my heart rate

its just me

trying to keep my broken self together

[adonis-things]

June 8th 2024- Untitled

hold me

hold me so tightly

so I don't drift away

so I can just forget today

to feel whole, to feel as one

hold me

hold me so tightly

I need it so desperately, so deeply

in a world of chaos, I find peace with you

and within peace, I find myself

losing myself means losing you

because there'd be no me to give

with the one chance I have to live

I'll be doing it with you

hold me,

hug me so tightly

and don't let go

[adonis-things]

The Night Sky - April 18th 2024

~Two separate poems about the one I love, written at the same time ~

1 am

looking out the window, counting the stars

and the days until we can count the stars together

xxx

You love the sky, and its pretty paintings

I like to look at you, loving the sky, seeing

The painting it creates

226 miles away from each other

And I can't see your pretty face tonight

So I'll stare, and stare and stare and stare...

[adonis-things]

April 4th 2024- Untitled

I forgive you, dad, I do

because I need to

there was never an ounce of hatred for you

even with the words I heard, I never believed them

I knew you tried your hardest

"there no mistake too big that I can't bounce back from"

you said that, and I will continue to follow those footsteps you left for me

my memory of you is fading

but I get a reminder with beautiful butterflies, and the color yellow

you show yourself in times I need you the most, and that's all I need from you now

you don't get to guide me through life,

because you put all the effort into guiding yourself

you felt there wasn't a place for you in this world

but there's always a place for you in my heart

I forgive you dad, I do

because you need me to