achillestears

[achillestears]

Telemachus: Why did it take you 20 years to get home?

Odysseus: So there was a war, and then there were sirens, and then a Cyclops, and then Calypso, and then—

Telemachus: Okay, just say you got lost.

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Odysseus, Everywhere He Goes

Locals: Who are you?

Odysseus: Glad you asked. My name’s Odysseus, King of Ithaca, winner of the Trojan War, father of Telemachus, guy who blinded Polyphemus—

Athena, facepalming in the distance: PLEASE stop oversharing.

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Athena: Look, I can guide you. I can bless you. I can even disguise you. But I can’t stop you from being ✨stupid✨.

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Telemachus: What if I’m not as great as my dad? Athena: Your dad spent 20 years making bad choices. The bar isn’t that high, babe.

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Telemachus: I don’t know if I’m ready for this. Athena: You’ve been sulking for 20 years. It’s time for ✨growth✨. Telemachus: But what if they laugh at me? Athena: Then you hit them with a spear. Next question.

[achillestears]

Telemachus: Do you think dads are worth it?” Philip: Mine ruined his life and got me killed. Telemachus: Mine abandoned me for two decades. Both: ...We definitely need that therapy group.

[achillestears]

Hamilton: I’m writing like I’m running out of time! Odysseus: I’m sailing like I’m running out of time! Hamilton: But you took 20 years to get home. Odysseus: ...Side quests.

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Hamilton: I wrote 51 essays in six months. Odysseus: I tricked an entire city with a wooden horse, fought monsters, survived curses, and still got home. Hamilton: Overachiever. Odysseus: Right back at you.

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Poseidon: Odysseus will NEVER get home. King George III: You’ll be back, soon you’ll see. Poseidon: Why are you like this?

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Hamilton: History has its eyes on me. Odysseus: Bro, I am history.

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— 𝗖𝗜𝗥𝗖𝗘.

[achillestears]

Odysseus basically invented ✨ main character problems ✨

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The way Telemachus would walk on the beach to clear his head, only for Athena to show up and say, "Get in loser, we’re saving Ithaca."

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Zeus: I am wise and all-powerful. Also Zeus: What if I turned into a swan to flirt? Genius.

[achillestears]

ODYSSEY CHARACTERS AS AESTHETICS PT. 1

— 𝗢𝗗𝗬𝗦𝗦𝗘𝗨𝗦. Dark Academia ( but Make it ✨Toxic✨ )

Leather journals he claims are for notes but are just doodles and "master plans"

"Villain origin story" Pinterest boards

Wearing a trench coat at 2 AM to look mysterious

Big "Trust me, bro" energy

Claims he doesn’t want attention, but makes a grand entrance EVERYWHERE.

— 𝗣𝗘𝗡𝗘𝗟𝗢𝗣𝗘. Cottagecore with ✨Hot Girl Patience✨

Knitting, but make it ✨strategic✨

Deadly glare but it’s hidden under fresh cookies

Bakes banana bread but poisons it for the suitors (respectfully)

"Emotionally unavailable" as a lifestyle

Her Pinterest board is all pastel vibes and floral arrangements labeled "How to Romanticize Waiting 20 Years for Your Husband"

— 𝗧𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗠𝗔𝗖𝗛𝗨𝗦 Light Academia

Half-written notes on self-discovery in a coffee-stained journal

Literally one semester away from becoming his dad but refuses to admit it

Posting sad song lyrics on his Insta stories

Wears sweaters two sizes too big, not for warmth, but for ✨aesthetic sadness✨

Walks on the beach to clear his head, only for Athena to show up and say, "Get in loser, we’re saving Ithaca."

— 𝗔𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗡𝗔 Girlboss Academia

Latte-fueled, type-A goddess energy

Submitting perfect essays at 11:59 PM without breaking a sweat

Rolling her eyes every time a mortal messes up

Owl motifs on everything because branding is important

Gives advice like, "Just slay, it’s not that hard"

Has an Excel sheet labeled "Odysseus’s Bad Life Choices" with 57 tabs

— 𝗘𝗨𝗥𝗬𝗟𝗢𝗖𝗛𝗨𝗦 Grungecore

Always side-eyeing Odysseus like, "Really, bro?"

Perpetual scowl, like he’s just so over it

Would absolutely eat the forbidden cows on Helios’s island

Plays bass guitar badly but doesn’t care

Listens to Arctic Monkeys and thinks it makes him deep

— 𝗣𝗢𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗘𝗦 Adventurecore but gives ✨Golden Retriever Energy✨

Will wander off to "explore" and return with a pet goat

Listens to the How to Train Your Dragon soundtrack and cries

Would die first in a horror movie, but you’d cry about it

Friendship bracelets he made with leftover fishing line

Always carrying a battered Hydro Flask and saying, "Hydrate or die-drate," even when death is imminent

[achillestears]

MODERN GREEK GODS PT. 1

— 𝗣𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗜𝗗𝗢𝗡

𝘨𝘰𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘢, 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘴, 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘴

— 𝗔𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗡𝗔

𝘨𝘰𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘥𝘰𝘮, 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘧𝘢𝘳𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘧𝘵

— 𝗔𝗣𝗢𝗟𝗟𝗢

𝘨𝘰𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘴, 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘤 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵

[achillestears]

Odysseus’s crewmates after the Cyclops incident: So you’re telling me we could’ve just left quietly, but nooo, you had to tell him your name? Odysseus: I needed him to know I’m iconic.