ace-with-a-mace-blog

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

eh just a quick double standards runt cause i'm bored

new justic league trailer looks unexpectedly decent, though i’m still not expecting to be blown away. but there’s something that’s been bothering me since the first teaser. everyone is foaming at the mouth for aquaman and how cool he is, and don’t get me wrong, i’m enjoying what i’ve seen of him so far, but it’s not a secret that that take on the character doesn’t stay true to the source material. which, by the way, i’m fine with, because i like bold creative choices. what’s really interesting though it’s that suddenly all comicbook “purists” are suspiciously silent about that big change. or more so, they are happy about it. they say shit like “this is how aquaman is supposed to be, it’s so great that he’s not just a loser that talks to fish”. they don’t care or they like it because they see that change as good, because the original aquaman is “lame” and they want to see him turn into “badass”. so when those fake hypocritical “purists” say that they don’t want a character to change race or sexuality or gender, they say it not because they are against changes entirely and hold their precious cum stained comicbooks close to their hearts, they say it because they are against bad changes and that’s what they narrow minds consider to be bad. 

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

oh fuck i think i’ve managed to make a perfect tea. for some reason it never occurred to me to combine differently flavoured teas together until now. i used melissa tea as the basis, and then dipped a banana and soursop flavoured tea bag a couple of time in there, just to add a note of the taste, without fully meshing them together (the latter is quite bitter, so i don’t like drinking it by itself). and fucking hell the tea ended up being delicious as hell. totally recommend.

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

just finished playing the beginner’s guide. it’s a good game that very much encourages self-reflexion. it’s obviously a fictional story, i’m pretty sure releasing that game for profit would have been illegal otherwise, but it’s still a meaningful message, an idea that is truthful in the world and applicable to people living in it. despite of the ending having a desperate pleading edge to it, the game didn’t leave me feeling hopeless or lost. i just think that every time we assess something we should first and foremost take a step back and make sure that we aren’t standing in front of a mirror. people are not just prone, we are bound to project. maybe the subconscious urge to relate, and belong, and be understood, to feel connected to someone or something, to share even without sharing, to call out and hear something back, is at fault here. but how often do we hear just the echoes of our own voices? and is it even possible to step back and recognise the flaw in our estimations when we are deeply submerged by feelings? what if we can be fair and unbiased only when we stop being involved? when we grow cold and disengaged? then it wouldn’t even count. maybe we can’t help but fool themselves. either way, i don’t recommend this game. it is many things, and it’s certainly an experience, but it is not an enjoyable one. that being said, i don’t not recommend it either. for some reason, i feel like people that are open and responsive to whatever the essence of that game is will be drown to it anyway. it just has something about it that appeals to a certain kind of humans, even if they aren’t the exlusive audience for it. lonely people, perhaps. creately stunted or challenged. rejected. let’s call the game a lamppost, and those people moths hungry for light. they’ll find it. it will engage them, but they will remain outsiders. they won’t reach the heat and get destroyed by it. it’s like accessing isolated destraughtness from a safe place, but in the end you aren’t really getting anything from it that you can truly use. you are a mere moth repeatedly smashing its body on the glass, unable to get in, but inside the locked vessel is another moth doing the same, trying to get out, or to be let inside a bigger world. maybe the vessel has mirror walls, and it looks like a caleidoscope full of moths beating themsevles to a pulp. none of them will ever cross passes, they will never reach an understanding between them, but i think it’s more about getting to know yourself better than building a connection. it’s about being led by the hand and following a stranger, not about walking with someone holding hands. like that it can be cathartic. like that it’s alright. so yeah, i liked the game. it made me think, it made me temporary feel something, whilst not making me more or less alone or confused, and i appreciate a calm pause from the continous panicked collapse my life has become. 

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

i don’t know how people normally spend the valentine’s day, but i spent mine watching human centipede 2 with a bunch of strangers, every single one of us a sicko for it. now i can’t help but imagine all characters from everything else in the same predicament. i’m a changed human. no regrets.

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

i broke my glasses in three different places and continuted to wear them. yesterday i finally got them “fixed”. by which i mean a repairman had covered the areas of breakages and far beyond with thick layers of glue which now emit a toxic smell. i’ve read that it sometimes takes up to a month for the glue fumes to wear off, and that it’s not only dangerous to inhale them, but can actually kill you. so basically i can’t use my glasses anymore, and i can’t buy a new pair, because i can’t find the same frames that i have anywhere (whis is pretty ridiculous because it’s plain black frames that many hipsters wear, they should be everywhere), and those were the only ones i’ve ever felt comfortable wearing, and it’s hard to find another pair that fits my stupid face when i can’t actually see myself when i’m trying them on, and any frames similiar to mine that i’ve found so far are too expensive. so i’m stuck. somehow i just now realised how useless i am without glasses. i mean lately they used to fall from my face and break into four separate pieces all the fucking time, and while searching for all of those parts while desperately crawling on the floor and seeing nothing but blurs is pretty telling (and fucking scary), but still, i’d find them all the time, i’d put them back together and go on with my life, fully-functioning. i’m not functioning anymore. i’m writing this with my laptop on my fucking chest, and i stil canl barely see the letters. this morning i couldn’t find a cereal box so i could have my breakfast. i can’t even fully decipher myself in the mirror. i definitely can’t go outside like this. i’m actually half-blind. it’s a mess and i don’t know how to clean it up. 

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

you know what's even worse than the bad act itself? the lack of awareness. self-awareness when it comes to the person who’s committed it, or others being oblivious to the negative coloration of said person’s behavior. the former is sickening in a away that any example of exceptional stupidity is. the latter makes you feel like you're surrounded by insane people, which consequently fools you into thinking that you're the one who’ve lost their mind. 

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

my niece had spied on me unlocking my ipad so i had to change my passcode on all of my devices. i’m really bitter because it was 3556 which stands for Br Ba, my favourite show of all times. i had that passcode for years, and now i have a shitty boring one. on a brighter side, i currently have blue dye applied to my hair which hopefully won’t take away said hair when i’m gonna rinse it off.

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

tried to take a test on what’s my mental disorder, because apparently i’m bored enough to enterain myself with pseudo-sceience and topics i already have the most insight on, but couldn’t get past the first question, because all the options were true and choosing just one would be a lie and over-simplification while summing up the points given for the choices would just completely ruin the results. so i had to resign. 

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

why do constructions like ‘a perfect’, ‘more perfect’ and ‘most perfect’ even exist, when perfect is already the final form. it bothers me. it’s one of the things than bother me the least, but isn’t it how social medias and blogging work. question mark.

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

so i blew up the lightbulbs in both my lamp and the chandelier, and now i’m forced to exist in complete darkness. we are out of water too, and no one is cooking in this household for a few days which leaves me with a couple bags of crisps to spread out over that time. i mean we all know that 2016 was a shit year, but i didn't think it was shitty enough for 2017 to be post-apocalyptic.

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

this is how i celebrate

i’m so full… i ate so much food… i also slipped up and murdered a double cheeseburger. but eating meat once a year isn’t so bad, right?.. i guess i still temporary lost my vegetarian card… the saddest thing is that it wasn’t even that good and i felt weirdly ashamed the whole time i was eating it. but yeah, horrible 2016 is almost over, and i’m entering a new year fat, stupid and useless, with no friends, job or plans for the future. awesome. 

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

sick as a dog with a fucking flue. hopefully will feel good enough to enjoy new years.

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

why am i not surprised that the new walking dead game from telltale doesn’t have a mac os x support? not gonna say i’m gutted, in all honesty most of telltale games are extremely overrated and clearly piggy-backing on the fame of other established properties. 

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

bleached my hair. one step closer to being blue.

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

how much is too much

some people deserve the worst. some people are vicious, irredeemable, vile. some people love themselves too much and too little. they get hurt, they let it happen, they continue letting it happen, and then they turn ugly on those who surroung them, throw shit they are drowning in, hoping to get someone else dirty, to sullen them, to hurt them, so they won’t have to suffer alone. selfish miserable bastards getting hooks in anyone they can, tugging, ripping parts of you out. you can’t reason with them. they lack something inside their brain, inside their heart, and therefore unable to understand unpleasant truths about their wrong doings or the concept of selflessness, of putting anyone before themselves. they are flawed, self-destructive and dangerous, but unable to see that, too unresponsive and lost to seek help, probably beyond any fixing. and they just hang from you like rotten fruit, drag you to the ground, try to bury you along with themselves. you can’t let them. they have the nerve to apologise too. but don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s about you. it’s clear that they don’t really feel bad, because they don’t even get what they are apologising for, they don’t admit there’s something wrong and they are unwilling to change their ways. they apologise only because they think it’s what is expected of them and - mistakingly - that it’s what you want to hear. they want to be forgiven. they want to feel better. it’s a string of empty shallow words, means to an end. all they want is resolution without working for it or solving anything. all they want is exoneration. and when you refuse them, they seem flabbergasted before they inevitably, idiotically get angry. it doesn’t faze you. not in a way they want. it cements you decision instead of swaying it, but it slightly rises your hackles, makes you bare your teeth and tense inside your head. because just like they don’t deserve good things, on the other side you don’t deserve to stoop to their level, to lash out, to fight them. and you know you can’t go half way if you do. if you decide to react, to engage, if you don’t hold yourself back and just let go, snap, you know you’ll need to go all the way. and it’s not right. you don’t want that. for yourself or for anyone else who’s involved. so you continue holding back, even when your protective instincts and your overzealous urge to make things right and fair scream for you to move, to attack, to defend, to punish. you feel the ice-cold shaky rage burning your insides, making your heart sky-rocket, you punch the wall instead of the hated face, you swallow down the poison your hate produces, you poison yourelf, and you choke, choke on it, again and again, and hope that they will deal the job themsevles, self-destruct before they destroy you or anyone dear to you. but days keep piling up, harm keeps getting done, and they just keep fucking going. parasites don’t kill themselves before they kill the hosts. 

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

were you ever weak enough to feel powerful while threatening someone who’s even weaker? but more importanly, have you ever done it and felt disgust instead of satisfaction? and remorse, and worry, and shame, and pain… and it made you feel even weaker, be even weaker. but you weren’t doing it for your own sake, so you couldn’t, wouldn’t allow yourself to stop. you weren’t trying to rise by standing on someone’s head. you were protecting someone that you cared for. but the problem is that you happen to care for the one you scared too. and it sucks when you have to choose sides, when you have to be the big bad wolf and tarnish someone’s innocence with bitter fear. they deserve it but they also don’t. they aren’t that innocent. they are not to blame for how they are but they are still responsible for their actions. and they will never learn if there’s no negative response to their bad behaviour. i just wish i didn’t have to be the one to show those wrongs, to bring the verbal punishment. my threats are fucking empty, i would never physically hurt someone who isn’t trying to hurt me or someone i care for, but they don’t know it, and that’s the point. but i don’t like it. i don’t like it at all. but what choice do i have?.. they don’t listen to reason. i tried so many times. i still try and will continue to try, i’ll always start with rational words keeping threats as my last resort. i just don’t know what else i can do. the only thing i do know isthat i can’t be a silent observer. i can’t allow the unjustice and the cruel disregard of other people’s mental or physical state that is so frequent among painfully young people. i just wish that people would listen to each other. would at least try to understand. to connect. to empathise. and sympathise. so i wouldn't have to be the bad guy. so nobody would need to. so nobody would be scared and hurt. but i’m not naive enough to believe that is possible. 

[ace-with-a-mace-blog]

fuck, all shift codes for b2 i’m finding are either expired or have already been redeemed. i’m screwed.

update: okay, the catastrophe is averted. i’ve got 171 gk now.