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One of these stupid things I remember. It's the title of an album by Nurse With Wound. It's a very strange album of layered sounds, starts off with the sound of waves in the ocean. As the piece progresses, it is clear that it is a shipwreck; the sound of a creaking hull that moves with the tide. Stephen Stapleton wrote it as a tribute to the Mary Celeste, the name of the ship in one of the greatest maritime mystery's of all time.  On November 5, 1872, under the command of Captain Benjamin Briggs, the ship docked on New York City's East River and picked up a cargo of 1,701 barrels of commercial alcohol intended for fortifying Italian wines on behalf of Meissner Ackermann & Co. worth around $35,000 (an extremely large amount of money for the time, $513,000 in current money) and heavily insured it in Europe. The Mary Celeste set sail from Staten Island, New York to Genoa, Italy. In addition to the captain and a crew of seven, she carried two passengers, the captain's wife Sarah, who had sailed with her husband numerous times, and also their two-year-old daughter, Sophia Matilda, making ten people in total onboard the vessel. Benjamin Briggs had spent most of his life at sea, and had captained at least five ships before and owned many more. Although the crew of this particular voyage included a Danish man and four Germans, they all spoke fluent English, had exemplary records and were considered experienced, trustworthy and able seamen. The ship was discovered in December of 1872, unmanned and apparently abandoned, in spite of the fact that the weather was fine. The Mary Celeste herself was in perfect condition and still under full sail heading towards the Straits of Gibraltar. The ship had only been at sea for a month and had over six months of food and water on board. Her cargo was virtually untouched and the personal belongings of passengers and crew were still in place, including valuables. The crew was never heard from or seen again. I remember the day that I first heard Salt Marie Celeste. I downloaded it in the afternoon, but didn't listen to it until later that evening. I was stoned and put it on more as background noise to smooth the edges of the harsh silence that is all too familiar in my house. I spaced out for about 20 minutes and forgot it was it was on. This strange buzzing sound caught my attention, it was a fantastic sound that traveled in a circle. I started the cd over again, this time paying attention to everything. I was blown away by this piece of music. (?) Nothing had come close to this since I first heard Group Doueh.  Moments of discovering music excellence like these are few and far between. They are to be savored, but as with all things fucking rad, they are best when shared with someone who is as geeked out as you are about the subtle nuances of vibrating air suspended in time as it is captured on 2" ATR Tape. (or digitally if you're, you know,  a fag) Geeked out music people, or at least the kind of music I like, are kind of few and far between. I figured Ben would totally dig this, just as he had the Group Doueh. I was wrong. I had it playing when he came over one night, he showed no interest and that bummed me out greatly. No one seems to like this album but me.

It is best with headphones.

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R.I.P Ty.

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RIP Jerdog.... 64 years on this earth was not nearly enough for a soul like you. You gave my friend the most awesome gift ever, the experience of true love. Thank you for that. You will be so incredibly missed, my friend.

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Name your kid skeleton...

And freak some people out... Special K For you, Happy. I miss you.

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RIP, Compadre

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We are having a bit of a break with the weather to dig out and enjoy views like this one of the frozen lake.

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Day four. Bodie is going to be able to walk over the fence soon.

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Day three

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Day two.

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Day one of seven predicted snow days. Getting to work should be interesting today.

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Sure doesn’t feel like it’s almost Christmas. We got a couple of inches of snow on Friday night, but it’s quickly melting away. The lake is up a couple of inches, which is good considering its 16 feet below normal right now. The old dam is beginning to show. There are a lot of eagles out this year. We watched as two stalked and killed a duck right out front the other day. We have a big bobcat living in back of us somewhere. He comes down to the lake and tries to catch the ducks, but we have yet to see him get one.

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The Duke.

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WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

Barbed wire

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During a heated fight this morning, he packed his shit and left. See ya.

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Stapelton's finest..

Salt Marie Celeste. I love this album. Headphones or good speakers.

I am thinking about a friend of mine who has to turn himself in to a County jail up north on Friday. He will be locked up for six months for an traffic accident he had in which no one else was hurt except him. He was driving a big lorry with an empty trailer. Fell asleep and went down a 300 foot embankment. His jaw was ripped from his skull. They had to reconstruct his face, all of his sinus passages are now some kind of plastic tubing stuff. His eye sockets are made of metal. Walks with a cane, fully disabled forever.

They figured he would die, so they never even did a tox screen on his blood, yet they found a small baggie in his briefcase, just enough residue left in the baggie to swab it.  He's lucky with just the six months. He was facing 2-4 years. Thankfully, he had a lawyer who gave a shit.

This is the same guy who did two tours in Vietnam, enlisted, not drafted. Signed in at 17 with permission from his father, handed a gun and given orders by our government to kill.

His first day on the ground in Vietnam, two of his platoon buddies died because he hesitated when told to shoot a little kid that came running towards them. Apparently one tactic used by the locals was to wire up a child, then have them run out to the approaching army and detonate them once they were close enough to cause the most damage.

Needless to say, he never hesitated again. After lugging what remained of one his buddies bodies to an awaiting helicopter, he was handed his first needle full of heroin. I am convinced that drug habit was what got him through that hell. I don't think the human brain could otherwise deal with what he saw/did during those years. He had to remain numb. He has told me things that now star in my nightmares. Within the first 30 minutes of my meeting him, he was telling me things he had never told anyone. When I asked him why he hasn't talked about this stuff to anyone before he said "Because no one has ever asked about it." That broke my heart. How do these guys deal with this shit? Watching someone peeling the skin off of some guys face while he was still alive, shooting children at point blank range. 

 It's weird knowing that one of my close friends has killed over a hundred people, especially knowing him how he is today. A fifty three year old drug addict. Doesn't bother anyone, keeps to himself. Total sweetheart. Checks in on me all the time to make sure I'm okay. Brings me food. We talk.

Now I get to take him three hours away tomorrow to turn himself in. I'm not very good at goodbyes.  

(Wow. I just found this in my drafts. I don't know why I never posted it. Well, that's a lie. I guess I know why. Anyways, it was written a couple of years ago. Strange how things change in that amount of time. I am now married to this guy. I can't say it has been an easy couple of years, but it has been well worth it.

His guilt for his participation in the war weighs heavily on him every day, especially when he sleeps. He has stopped using (with the exception of weed, which is a life saver for him) and is feeling emotions which he hasn't tapped into for thirty plus years. He has his bad days, but they are few and getting farther apart. The most important thing is that he is finally at peace with himself and is beginning the process of learning to love himself. That's all I ever wanted for him. It has been my life's biggest pleasure to help him discover that he is worth loving. 

I am proud to be his wife and thankful every day for the amazing love and light he brings into my life.)